YouTube duo Bria and Chrissy have, for educational purposes, filmed lesbians touching penises for the first time, gay men touching vaginas for the first time, and straight guys touching other penises for the first time. So this video, showing straight women exploring an artfully concealed vagina with a gloved hand, was inevitable, yet still fascinating—women really underestimate how warm it gets in there, apparently.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfK5rorBdT0
Some of the women break into giggling fits doing this, which is hopefully not usually what happens when women's lovers or gynecologists touch them there.
Redditor MxaxFxix was apparently using the bathroom at work when he saw this note from the janitor.
to who ever is putting the little black things in the urinal please stop. They stay there all day because solids dont flush in the urinal. and to whoever is deliberately pissing on the floor in front of this urinal fucking stop. what the fuck is wrong with you? Or is your dick that small you miss? stand closer, aim whatever it takes. dont piss on the floor
MxaxFxix labeled the note with the text: "The janitor got very passive aggressive at work today." As far as passive-aggressive notes go, this one seems light on the passive and heavy on the aggressive. And while it's good for a janitor to stand up and denounce unsanitary conditions (WHY WOULD YOU PEE ON THE FLOOR, MAN?), this note sounds a bit too harsh to be from someone with a job on the line.
Regardless of who scrawled the note, thankfully someone said something. If you're old enough to go to work, you're old enough to know how to use a bathroom. As for those "little black things," it might be for the best that nobody knows what those are.
Are naked celebrity selfies the new sign of spring? It seems likely, since they've been creeping up through Instagram lately like dandelions creep through those cracks in your driveway that you need to get re-paved. The most recent famous person to get in on the clothing-less trend is comedian Chelsea Handler. Who, yes, gets naked in public ways pretty frequently. But this is the first time that she's taken a naked picture in a similar style to the recent Kim Kardashian nude selfie and then tagged Reese Witherspoon with birthday wishes.
It is the first time she's done that, right?
https://www.instagram.com/p/BDQ1hYJo5KE/
Well, technically Handler isn't naked, because she's wearing those sweet business socks. Assumedly, Witherspoon saw one of Handler's previous naked bathroom selfies and said "For my birthday, I'd like one of those, but with socks."
Everyone who celebrates Easter wants to to do it in their own special way, and sometimes they screw it up. When you're dealing with Jesus, rabbits, and eggs, a lot can go wrong. And many times, it gets accidentally sexual. Laughing at these mistakes will ease the pain of giving up something for 40 days (or listening to a friend or loved one complain about it).
1. Ending with a big finish that asks about finishing.
In this technological era, former relationships never die, particularly the ones that ended sourly. Exes appear on Facebook, crop up on Instagram, or—in the worst case scenario—are bold enough to send texts long after the relationship has burned a fiery death. These 20 text exchanges show that in case that nightmare situation ever arises, it's always good to be prepared with a sharp response. Because nothing says "I want nothing to do with you ever again" better than a sly reference to Satan.
These people went classic and pretended their ex had the wrong number.
While subtle shade is always good, GIFs and memes are an excellent fail-safe method for responding to exes. Here are a few nice ones that might be good to save on your phone if you're inspired by the posts above:
That ice cold stare is a nice touch.Kanye's unsmiling face should say "NOPE" well enough.Cats always know how to turn down love.Never hurts to play dumb.
After terror attacks struck Brussels on March 22, people naturally turned to art to express their grief. At her tour stop at London's O2 Arena, Adele dedicated "Make You Feel My Love" to those affected by the attacks and to the entire world in mourning. She sang the Bob Dylan classic on her first album, 19, and asked the audience to hold up their phones as torches and sing along.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhw8rfrYgmA
The result is an Adele performance even more emotional than usual.
Way back in 1967, a young man by the name of James Phillips was a freshman at the University of Dayton, where he checked out Proctor's History of the Crusades. An entire 49 years later, Phillips discovered he still had the book.
At that point, Phillips realized it may be time to return it, the full-title of which is History of the Crusades: Comprising the Rise, Progress, and Results of the Various Extraordinary European Expeditions for the Recovery of the Holy Land from the Saracens and Turks. Sounds like a book one would want to get rid of as fast as possible, but between a new life at college and then dropping out to join the Marines, Phillips completely forgot.
When he sent the book back to the library, Phillips attached a kind note, scrawled in beautiful cursive—because apparently people used to learn how to write like that.
Please accept my apologies for the absence of the enclosed book, History of the Crusades. I apparently checked it out when I was a freshman student and somehow it got misplaced all these years.
In Jesus, Mary, & Joseph,
James Phillips
There's no doubt Phillips was indeed a student decades ago. That note is about as old-school as it gets. Perhaps because of the note or because nobody missed Proctor's History, the library is not charging Phillips an overdue fee, which at this point in time, according to the University of Dayton, would come to roughly $350 at two cents a day.
Twitter user @_blotty (real name Makela) had a first date run-in with her bowels that may preclude her from ever seeing that particular male suitor ever again. Everyone's had a first date that, in retrospect, was riddled with slightly embarrassing moments—although they're usually no big deal. Sometimes, though, first dates are a literal shit storm, like Makela's. Now listen to the tale of poop girl.
Makela believes the lesson to be learned here is to not drink coffee before a date. Alternative lessons could be: hold that shit in, wrap up a clogged poop and bury it in the trash, do anything else besides carry around a memento of meals past.
For Makela, her fate has been sealed. She is the poop girl.
Late Tuesday night, a video surfaced of comedian and actor Katt Williams in a fight with a teen, who handles Williams quite easily. The comedian is currently on tour, though it's uncertain where this fight took place.
Williams is no stranger to fights and legal troubles, and has found himself in several recent altercations. It's not clear what led to this fight, but Williams sucker-punched the kid, which did not work out so well for him in the end.
Here's a tweet showing the punch that supposedly started the fight:
Williams is somehow still talking trash while sitting on the ground after several people stopped a fight he was going to lose.
It's controversial to say, but Williams could benefit from learning to trash hotel rooms instead of fighting people. It's still a reckless celebrity cliché, but (typically) results in fewer expenses and legal troubles.
Make America Awesome, an anti-Trump super PAC pledging support to Ted Cruz, released an ad featuring Melania Trump posing seductively in her shoot for GQ in 2000. Not exactly the classiest tactic, and Donald Trump of course took the low road in his response by threatening to "spill the beans" about Heidi Cruz in an ominous tweet. Cruz was not happy. Here's the ad in question.
Note the ad clearly displays its non-affiliation with Ted Cruz as well as an in-depth knowledge of GQ's backlogs.
Trump, who was likely more personally insulted than upset about the slut-shaming aspect of this ad (as his track record with women might show), responded by alleging he knows something damaging about Heidi Cruz that the world currently doesn't.
Or maybe he literally means spill beans all over her? That'd be a mess. Whichever way he meant it, Ted Cruz defended his wife's honor like any strong husband would by tweeting at the bully with a mean hashtag.
Many media outlets are speculating Trump's threat has something to do with a 2005 incident where Heidi Cruz was found with her head buried in her hands on the side of an expressway in Austin, Texas. According to Inside Edition, Ted Cruz's book, A Time For Truth, explains the event as a culmination of Heidi's "period of depression" after leaving her job at the White House to join Cruz in Austin after he'd been made state solicitor general. Mrs. Cruz, who has since recovered, later told the New York Times:
I want to use it to strengthen people around me and to recognize that we all have rough patches.
This is an election cycle so nasty, it's getting easier and easier for even the leftist leaning liberals to sympathize with people like Heidi Cruz and Jeb Bush. Thankfully it'll be over in...eight months? Welp.
GQ recently republished their definitely NSFW profile on Melania Trump, which includes one especially interestingoutfit that can only be described as Robocop-meets-chandelier. You'll know it when you see it.
Back in 2005, Olivia Newton-John's former boyfriend Patrick McDermott vanished while on a fishing trip and was later presumed drowned. Now, almost eleven years later, a private investigator named Philip Klein is claiming that Patrick is alive and well, living in a remote area of Mexico with a German girlfriend.
Klein spoke to Women's Day about his discovery. “Patrick’s probably now working in the yachting industry for a high-profile family down there,” he claims. John Nazarian, who was the first detective investigating Patrick's disappearance, also noted that it seemed very unlikely that Patrick had drowned when he went missing at sea. "To come up with the conclusion that he fell off the boat, and allegedly no one saw him fall off the boat, is the most preposterous thing I've ever heard in my life."
Other sources are reporting that McDermott may have vanished because of financial reasons. He was about $30,000 in debt and filed for bankruptcy prior to his disappearance. He also owed about $8,000 in child support.
The couple (right), attending the 2001 Mama Mia premiere in Los Angeles.
Newton-John and McDermott dated on and off for nine years before his disappearance. She went on to marry John Easterling in 2008, and the couple is still together. Still, the news of Patrick being spotted might provide some sort of closure for Newton-John, even if the news raises more questions than it answers.
Olivia Newton-John and Patrick McDermott
You've heard of ghosting before, but faking your own death and moving to a fishing village in a remote part of Mexico? Next level. Newton-John has never commented on McDermott's disappearance, and it isn't clear if she will comment on his sudden reappearance.
It's understandable to want to disappear from your responsibilities, but it takes a special kind of person to take that sentiment literally.
Sarah Palin, no stranger to reality TV (Did anyone watch her 2010 show?), is making one more attempt at being relevant by starring in a courtroom reality show airing next year, according to People. Palin will preside as judge, despite having no law degree. If the world didn't already know reality shows were fake, casting Palin as a judge makes it very obvious.
Way back in 2008, when Palin was running for vice president, Judge Judy (aka Judith Sheindlin) was asked about the Alaska governor. Skip to 1:06 to hear what Judge Judy, actual law degree holder, thinks of Palin.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVm_g54F4Co
"I think she's adorable," she said, before responding with a perfect "ehhh," when asked if Palin were qualified. The fan who posed the question followed up by assuring Judge Judy that she's sexy, too. To which Judge Judy said, "Thank you," without batting an eyelash, because she knows that's the truth.
As a reminder, Judge Judy works 52 days a year and make $47 million annually. She is living the dream, ten times over.
On Tuesday, a young couple from California were seen rolling down the street in a motorized papasan chair—a piece of retro lounge furniture that caresses every part of your body when you sit on it. Redditor socalsubie posted a photo showing the couple making their way across Olympic Blvd. in Los Angeles.
Natural bosses, these two.
Shortly afterwards, Redditor ReasonsWhyIDrink shared another photo, which appeared to be the same couple driving the pimped-out vehicle on a sidewalk.
Redditor BooBooKitty confirmed that both posts feature the same couple and he/she is related to one of them. "Same girl. This guy is my cousin. AMA," said the reasonably named BooBooKitty, inviting the world to "ask me anything."
BooBooKitty described the dude riding the papasan as "a smart guy who likes to work on random projects." The Redditor also promises to ask the dude to share how and why he brought this strange yet awesome invention to the world.
Chillin' like papasan villains.
"He comes from a long line of pranksters with good senses of humor," BooBooKitty said of the ingenious inventor.
Is it really a prank though, if seems so incredibly useful? Now this is a prank.
This past month, Khloé Kardashian has gotten into the habit of tweeting random, quirky questions. But it turns out that they are not random, although they are quirky, for they have been lifted word-for-word from Yahoo! Answers. In the wake of The Fat Jew finally facing consequences for making a career off of stealing jokes, copy-pasting your way to retweets has become harder to get away with. Internet sleuths now seem more vigilant in investigating to maintain the integrity of their intellectual property.
BBC's Brit Lab makes cannibalism fun and interesting in a new clip exploring the question everyone thinks when they come across a delicious looking person: "What Does Human Flesh Taste Like?"
Host Greg Foot finds the answer, though he may be biased, given that the flesh sample comes from his own thigh. The surgical portion of this video is not for the squeamish, so this is a fair warning for everyone who doesn't want to lose their appetite (for people beef).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHvg8AR81-8
Instead of eating fresh thigh-to-table man meat, Foot combines various meats to match the chemical analysis of his leg pork. So it's a bit of a cop-out because he's not actually eating himself, just a smorgasborg of meat that scientists say replicate the taste of his human flesh.
The result? "A bit beefy, a bit lamby...pretty good," rules Foot. One of the video's featured scientists explains that human flesh has "half the same type of muscle found in chicken breast, but it also contains similar muscle fibers to those found in beef," which is closer than most people would expect to tasting like people.
