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Let's protest the St. Patrick's Day parade until it's as gay as every other parade.


My only goal for work on March 18th is to not be wearing the same outfit I went out in on March 17th.

May your St. Patrick's Day contain less unaccounted for time than a vanishing Malaysian flight.

You're cordially invited to watch Downton Abbey with me at my one-bedroom estate.

If Courtney Love solved other famous mysteries besides the location of Malaysian 370.

9 ways to let everyone know you're miserably hungover.

I believe in sharing except when it comes to stuff I don't want to share.

Good luck preparing for spring by refusing to continue wearing winter clothes and possibly freezing to death by spring.


I know you'll be a great parent since you're already comfortable being in public with stains on your shirt.

Thanks for letting me know you understand what it's like to be a parent since you have a pet.

What I love most about children is they're never mine.

Let's discuss the pros and cons of having kids over a relaxing meal we'd never have time for if we had kids.

Before we decide on having children, let's remember how hard it is to take care of me.

Congratulations to Courtney Love on being about as accurate about Malaysia flight 370 as major news outlets have been.

Even though you can't keep a plant alive, I think you're going to be a great parent.


I'd love to spend time with your child as long it's not hungry, tired, or awake.

Based on the words my autocorrect has picked up from me, I'm going to be a terrible parent.

UPDATE: She's back! Woman triumphantly returns to making cards about her husband's tiny penis. Here are some highlights.

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someecards.com - You have a small penis and want to golf all day? What a lucky lady I am.

Welcome to the second month of this ordeal. In February, our user Hwbostma spent two entire days making cards that—ahem—belittled her husband's miniscule member. Determined to significantly lengnthen her list of genital-shaming jokes, she's back at it. Here are some highlights.

See the cringeworthy cards >>

I'd let you kiss me on the mouth immediately after oral sex.

Unless you discovered a dead body, I don't want to hear about your morning jog.

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