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Watch Ariana Grande's mom like her new song so much she almost throws up.

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If Joan Grande's reaction is any indication of how good Ariana Grande's new album will be, then the world is in for a treat. BeforeDangerous Woman officially drops on May 20, Ariana treated her mother to a sneak peak by playing her some of it in her car. She also recorded her mother totally freaking out after hearing the finished product for the first time and promptly posted it on her Instagram for the whole world to see. Her "proud mama" reaction is absolutely adorable.

Ariana's mom is making noises that sound similar to the noises one would make it they were being attacked by a bear, but it is totally in a good way.

Just remember, Joan—no matter how excited you are, always keep your hands on the wheel.


A video has surfaced of Prince kicking Kim Kardashian off stage, just to make you miss him even more.

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Kardashian haters rejoice! In the wake of Prince's tragic death, various videos of him are popping up to remind you just how awesome he was (and to make you even sadder that he is gone.) No video is getting more attention than this fantastic clip from his concert at Madison Square Garden in 2011, which shows Prince kicking Kim Kardashian off stage.

Warning: this video will make you want Prince to come back from the dead even more than you already want Prince to come back from the dead.

After Kardashian is invited on stage, Prince pulls out some serious dance moves and Kardashian sort of just stands there. (Kim, you are on stage with Prince, damn it! Shake your hips, stomp your feet, do something!) The musician was not having it, and said, "get off the stage!" with all the panache you would expect from Prince.

Kim later wrote on her Twitter that her awkward lack of dance moves came as a result of nerves.

She also said she went back up on stage later in the night to redeem herself.

Prince, you and your powers to make a Kardashian disappear are already missed.

5-year-old takes candid photo of mom in her most vulnerable mom moment. It's bizarrely good.

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Kelli Bannister, a photographer and mommy blogger at Barefoot Mum, ​shared a photo of herself and her three-year-old daughter on Facebook. Accompanying the photo was a touching message about the trials of parenthood, which is a nice relatable read. It's worth the 20 seconds it takes to skim through it. But the really impressive part is that her five-year-old son, Taj, took the photo. 

A five-year-old took that picture. On an iPhone. 

OK, now make to make Taj's picture more moving with Bannister's caption:

I was debating whether or not to post this, but this is real, raw, and one of the absolute worst parts of Motherhood that at some stage, we will all go through!! 
The part nothing or no-one can prepare you for, the part where you would give every ounce of your entire being to make your poor baby feel ok again.
Every cry and every tear makes your heart break just that little bit more and your only wish is that it was you instead. 
I haven't slept in days and am physically & mentally exhausted myself, but as all Mums do, we keep going! 
This morning as Summer was coughing, being sick and working herself up into a frenzy, my Mumma instincts kicked in and I put us both in the shower, with the soothing sound of running water and the warmth touching our skin, she was calm within minutes......then, my 5 year old came in and snapped this!! Such a raw emotive moment of Motherhood in all her glory......messy bun and all!!

Again, a toddler was able to capture a "raw emotive moment of Motherhood" with a phone. When was the last time you displayed such creative prowess? 

Taj is also good at posing for photos, as he did in this image alongside his two younger siblings. 

These three gorgeous little faces are the reason I am tired (like ALL the time), have greasy hair, a social life than is...

Posted by The Barefoot Mum on Tuesday, March 24, 2015

From the looks of it, this child has a bright future in photography, just like his mother.

Artsy dad uses Photoshop skills to make his son with Down syndrome fly like a superhero.

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If the kid's Superman, that would make his dad Jor-El. And while Alan Lawrence is not some silver-haired Kryptonian, he is, at the very least, a Photoshop wizard. Lawrence creates quirky photos of his son, William (Wil), flying like a superhero.

With a little photo-editing magic from dad, Wil—the second youngest in his family and born with Down syndrome—soars through the clouds with ease in Alan's wondrous series, "Why Does Wil Fly?"

Alan Lawrence lives in Utah with his wife and six kids. He told Someecards that he hopes this series will make people "smile when they see him (Wil) flying and hopefully understand that even though Wil has Down Syndrome he can do anything he puts his mind to."

The series began, touchingly, when "Wil learned to roll onto his stomach." The little kid "would wiggle his arms behind him and we joked that he was trying to fly." Alan decided to assist him in developing these superhuman abilities by taking "a shot of him in our front yard flying." He adds: "I posted it on Facebook and Instagram for my family to see and it took off from there."

It's easy to see why.

Alan said that the photos usually take him about one to two hours from start to finish. He begins by capturing a photo of the background without anyone in it and then he takes a photo of him holding Wil. "After that, I Photoshop myself out of the photo using the first photo to fill in the background."

When asked if he encounters any difficulties during the creation process, he said: "The only challenge lately has been the fact that he is growing and its becoming harder to hold him up."

Grows fast, the kid does. 

Alan mentioned that Wil's biggest hero is his oldest sister.

"They have a bond that is unbreakable," he said. Unsurprisingly, however, besides his sister, Wil's favorite superhero is Superman. Because "he can fly and he has a red cape like [Wil]."

Alan is currently working on a new photo series featuring his seven-month-old son, Rockwell. The series will depict his son "as a gnome that pops up in random places around our yard." You may not know it, but apparently gnomes can be quite troublesome, just like children. Stay tuned for the photos.

Italian designer Gianluca Gimini transforms miserable bike doodles into hilarious digital renderings.

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Just to remind yourself, Google what a bike looks like. You couldn't draw one like that. One designer, named Gianluca Gimini, is capitalizing on that complete failure of would-be artists and engineers to accurately draw a bicycle. Gimini took all the bicycle sketches he could find and turned them into the following digital renderings. Here's what some amateur designs would look like if actually brought to life:

Not bad, but where are the pedals?

Gimini got the designs by asking numerous friends and strangers alike to draw a bike for his "Velocipedia" project. The 3D illustrations that follow prove, as you might have guessed, that a majority of humans lack the knowledge of simple mechanics.

These bikes would break.

No support for the chain, here.
You'll need some really long arms to steer this bicycle.
The frame design would make the bicycle hard to steer, to say the least.

As you can see from the photos, these folks tend to sketch the same parts of a bike wrong. For the most part, they nail the frame, but when it comes to the bike’s chain and gear, they can't seem to grasp the concept. 

The flaws are sort of hard to see on a two-dimensional sketch, but when you take a look at their 3D versions, the mistakes become more apparent.

Can't ride on a loose chain.
The same goes for this bike.
This bicycle almost looks rideable, although you'll have to sit right  next to the handlebars.

Gimini told Someecards his inspiration for the project. He was chilling at a bar in Bologna, Italy with a friend back in 2009. He said they were reminiscing about school time memories and at one point, Gimini recalled this very embarrassing moment:

A classmate was being questioned by our technical education teacher. He was doing pretty bad and was on the verge of tears at a certain point, so the teacher tried to help him out by asking him to describe his bicycle. The poor kid panicked and couldn’t even remember if the driving wheel was the front or the rear one.  My friend laughed at this story and said that anyone who has ridden a bike must know how it’s made. Then he tried drawing one on a napkin and miserably failed. 

And that was the day he started collecting the bike drawings.

These are some impressive wheels.
The middle part would probably go kaploosh after a few rides.
Kaploosh goes the middle on this bike frame as well.

Gimini emphasized that "the purpose of the renderings is just to underline how beautiful the sketches are. All the so called creativity in this project lies in the sketches."

Yes, the designer certainly puts these avant garde drawings in a positive light, but the man has a point. His overall message? "We can all be imaginative if we allow ourselves to be it."

Basically, who cares if your drawing isn't an accurate depiction of a bicycle? At least you're drawing. As long as you don't try to ride it. 

The Broadway casts of 'The Color Purple' and 'Hamilton' made powerful tributes to Prince. And Cheerios didn't.

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Yesterday, the world lost Prince, a singular personality that's left a gaping hole in music. Tributes to the late artist quickly came pouring out on social media, as well as on Broadway. The cast of The Color Purple delivered a sweeping and chromatically-appropriate rendition of "PurpleRain."

A tribute to Prince by Jennifer Hudson, Cynthia Erivo and the cast of THE COLOR PURPLE.

Posted by The Color Purple Musical on Thursday, April 21, 2016

One commenter very accurately nailed how life-affirming this cover was, by saying, "I feel like I just attended church."

Hopefully it remains a permanent part of their show.

Lin-Manuel Miranda, the creator and star of Hamilton, also gave Prince a sweet shout-out during their performance.

But perhaps the most moving tribute of them all was from Prince's biggest fan, Cheerios.

So thoughtful—no wonder there's a healthy breakfeast chockfull of whole grain oats in every bite! Cheerios has since wisely deleted the Tweet.

Teacher breaking down in class over Prince is the most relatable teacher.

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On Thursday afternoon, the world learned that Prince had died and collectively had a meltdown over the death of a musical legend. One man affected by the universally emotional moment was Matthew Patterson, a high school teacher in Georgia. A student filmed and tweeted his reaction, which was more or less the general population's response to hearing the bad news.

Head-hanging: check. Blaring "Purple Rain"? check. 

“It hit me like a ton of bricks," Patterson told the Daily News. “I’ve been listening to Prince since I was seven." Patterson had even seen Prince live. "The last time he was in Atlanta, he was at Philips Arena playing an acoustic guitar. It was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Who can captivate 20,000 people with one acoustic guitar?”

People responded on Twitter with sympathy.

Pattersons' students, however, apparently couldn't quite appreciate the seismic event and he reportedly had to liken it to the demise of Kanye West or Beyoncé—both of which are blasphemous thoughts, that should immediately be scourged from the Earth.

People shared their worst restaurant nightmare stories. You'll never want to eat again.

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When you eat at a restaurant, you do so at tremendous risk. Yes, it’s delicious (because they use way more butter than you do at home—that’s why it tastes so good) and you don’t have to cook it or clean up after, so it’s worth the price. But strangers are making and bringing you that food. And they don’t really care about you. Try not to gag on these awful restaurant tales from redditors:

What? You didn't order the nausea?


1. Georgemanif has a story about a fish skeleton in food, which is bad because the only place you want to find one of those is a cat eating one in an old cartoon.

A friend was telling me of finding a fish skeleton in her salad once in a very famous restaurant in our area. The salad didn't have any fish in it, no idea how the skeleton ended up in there.

2. Mumbaibabi went on a date that began with jackhammering, instead of ending with it.

My high school boyfriend and I were at a steak joint in downtown Chicago. It was a big deal to us, we were going to a movie afterwards. Expensive for high school. We had gotten high first and were having a great time. Suddenly, mid-meal, two burly guys move the chairs and table right next to us, block off the area with yellow crime scene-type tape. They go outside, and we're wondering what the heck is going on. They soon come back with two huge jackhammers and start drilling the floor right next to us. It was so odd, not a word, like pardon us, to the customers. Good thing we were high, we laughed like hyenas.

3. It’s like Tinchy witnessed the event that started the famous McDonald’s hot coffee lawsuit, except that it’s absolutely terrifying and it happened twice.

This didn't happen to me, but rather the table next to me. Some woman ordered a coffee, but the waiter accidentally spilled it on her. She started screaming from the heat. After she washed herself off, the manager brought her a brand new coffee, which he spilled on her. I felt bad, but we left before anything else happened.

4. EpicWarriorPaco’s mom must have wondered if grasshoppers are seasonal, like the McRib or the Shamrock Shake.

My mom found a dead, frozen grasshopper in her salad at McDonald's. When she went to get a new one, the cashier just said "That's not from us."

5. This story from AllieB28 is disgusting for what was found in the food, and also because fast food eggs were involved.

Years ago my grandma pulled out a mop string that was cooked into the egg of her breakfast sandwich. Still don't understand how she didn't say something.

Nobody wants to get that close to a mop.

6. Check out the massive appetite on effieokay, who can consume up to 500 calories in one meal!

Went to IHOP, ordered an omelette with toast and OJ. The waiter brought the cook out to look at me because the cook wanted to know what woman could eat "all that food" alone. They stood there and stared at me for a minute while I chewed on my toast. I made up a story about being pregnant and being really hungry and they were like OHH OKAY. NO TIP

7. Well, liney_, have it your way.

When I told my waitress that my cheeseburger was not plain as I wanted it to be, she took off the bun and started to scrape the condiments off with her hands.

8. Stories like this probably happen behind closed doors more than any of us would care to think about.

The waitress took my wife's fish before she was done with it. She then asked her for a new piece, after which the waitress pulled it out of the trash bin and gave it to her. Lorelei (that's my wife) was furious, and told her, "Hey, that's gross..." To which the waitress replied, "Hey, I've waited on you guys before, and there's never been a problem."

9. Here’s a tip from E51838: don’t ask for a tip if the body is still cold.

My dad once passed out in a restaurant (nothing to do with the food, and it was a place we used to go to quite a bit) An ambulance had to be called. As they had my dad on the stretcher, the waitstaff started arguing with my mother about their tip. We did not go back.

10. But on the bright side, Hozer44 got all those pubes for free!

Ordered a vegetable stir fry at a restaurant in Banff, found a few dozen little curly black hairs in my rice. Told the waiter and they would not even reimburse me for the meal and tried to make me pay for it.

That's not sanitary.

11.User flargenhargen almost got a hand with his footlong.

Guy at subway tried to cut the bread. He cut his hand. He got blood all over the bread. He tried to give it to me. I did feel bad for him, but I just looked at him like are you serious?

12. This user's account was deleted, as was the brief, enticing promise of free hot wings.

At some random wing place when the waiter gave us an extra order of wings. My grandma shrugs and eats one of the wings. The waiter comes back and notices the missing wings. "Those weren't yours, I didn't mean to bring these to you. These are for my girlfriend at the bar." The waiter says before snatching a wing from my sister's plate to replace the one my grandma ate from the extra order. Waiter proceeds to give the plate of food that PEOPLE ALREADY ATE OFF OF to his greasy girlfriend at the bar.

13.Not even starving people would be thrilled to eat what emeraldite saw.

Was eating with some family at a hotel in Bigfork, Montana. We were sitting outside and a bee flew into my cousin's hot sauce. He called the waiter over and asked for a new cup of sauce. He took the sauce and a fork and scooped the bee out, set the sauce back on the plate and said, "children in Africa would be happy to drink this" and left. My dad talked to the manager after and was told the waiter would be fired.

14.The kind of restaurant Anzai was at doesn’t really matter. A toilet just shouldn’t be where that toilet was.

I asked to go to the bathroom in an Indian restaurant. They led me into the kitchen and pointed into the corner, right next to the stove with its bubbling pots and the food prep area where they were cutting up vegetables. Built into the floor with no walls, not even raised up was a squat toilet and a bum bucket. I have no problem with squat toilets and pretty much nothing phased me in India but I must say I refused to drop my pants and squat in the corner of a kitchen whilst they continued cooking.

15. User SneakyVonSneakyPants knows that's a drink you're supposed to serve hot. Or, you know, not at all because it's poison.

I went to high school with was once served a glass of bleach at a diner. With ice in it. Apparently they were really nice about it and comped her meal but still.

You probably shouldn't drink that.

16. User gyne227 was unfortunate to have a medical crisis they weren't used to at Taco Bell because it didn't involve gastrointestinal distress.

When I was in high school, I had a seizure in the middle of a Taco Bell. Literally bit into a crunchy taco and BOOM! I am on the floor convulsing. Obviously this is causing a scene, but not a single employee of Taco Bell moves. They didn't even call 911... and no one working said anything to me. I didn't even get free cinnamon twists.

17. Nailed it, Ultraviolence!

Eating at Chili's with my ex. About half way through the meal, i hear her say "What the fuck?" and look up to see her digging a giant fucking fingernail from her mouth. It was disgustingly huge, might've been a goddamn toenail.

18. Here's a story from jazzalie, who gets easily bugged by hordes of bugs.

I went to a Waffle House in Georgia and sat at the table with my mom and brother. Almost immediately we are attacked by flies. When we ask to be moved, a waiter comes over with a newspaper and starts killing the flies, swatting one into my brother's hash browns. We try to continue eating until a roach crawls into my lap and literally sits there waiting for me to drop crumbs. We all got up and hauled ass, leaving the bill behind.

19. When you're there, Distracte, you're family. If your family is into stomping vermin.

A mouse running around the dining room of an Olive Garden, a few tables had people completely flip out and scream. A staff person was chasing it and try to stomp on it, which was more traumatizing than the mouse itself.


14-year-old girl writes scathing letter to let 'Financial Times' know that men are parents, too.

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Anna Schleiter Nielson is commendable just for being a 14-year-old who reads the Financial Times, but she doesn't merely sift through the paper. She's a discerning reader. After taking an issue with an article about Johnson and Johnson published on April 20, Nielson sent a letter to the paper's editor, condemning a certain bias shown in the article "Millennial mums going ga-ga for organics spark J&J rethink."

Sir, Your front-page report on April 20 is headlined “Millennial mums going gaga for organics spark J&J rethink”. Surely it is not only mums who are concerned about babycare products, but also fathers, who might be offended that they are not mentioned. It is 2016 and parenting is generally regarded as a shared responsibility. It is disappointing that you are reinforcing the stereotype that it is a woman’s job to look after the children. Could I suggest that you bring your editorial policy up to date?

Oh, burn.

JP II approves.

As of now, the online version of the article is titled, "J&J to relaunch baby brand as millennials go organic." Photographic evidence provided via Twitter confirms the title was originally as Nielson described, which suggests that the 14-year-old got the paper to change the headline. You go, girl.

To be fair, the co-authors of the article (David Crow and Lindsay​ Whipp) appear to have appropriated the phrase from Johnson & Johnson's CFO, Dominic Caruso. “It looks like millennial moms are buying new organic products,” he is quoted as saying in the article.

Still, girl power.

"If you wanna be my lover, you gotta read the FT."

This guy thought his Amazon app was frozen, Amazon thought he wanted dozens of the same thing.

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Amazon may be tooefficient for its own good. Imgur user nn96 tried out the "Buy now with 1-Click" feature, and when he thought his computer was frozen, he gave it a few dozen more clicks. Not thinking to check his order history page or his bank account, he assumed everything was hunky dory and pretty much just let what happened happen. Which turned out to be an Amazon employee (or robot) fulfilling his carelessly clicked order.

But what's in them?! The Internet will never know.

Many redditors are calling B.S. on the post, including u/kperkins1982, who once worked at Amazon.

As a past amazon employee I call bullshit for multiple reasons

When you attempt to order something you just ordered a tooltip comes up saying are you sure you just ordered this

If it came from the same FC they would have put this all in the same box or couple boxes

But most importantly, if you thought the app wasn't working, and clicked something 30 times you didn't check your account to make sure the order placed like you wanted? I mean normally you just click and forget, but you already knew there was some confusion. Is this your first time on the internet? Did you not see all the messages on every place order page in the past 20 years that says don't click more than once or hit back or refresh because of multiple orders?

But above all that, we all know this is karma whoring, cmon op if it even is your original content.

If OP is indeed lying, he'd better watch out before an Amazon drone delivers a dozen orders of agony on his karma-thristy face for spreading such slander.

Article 23

If the news is bumming you out, here's a cute video of three new baby lemurs at the Bronx Zoo.

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The news is nothing but a flurry of your favorite celebrities dying and your least favorite politicians saying stupid things. When times are dark, sometimes cat GIFs are simply not enough. So it's time to pull out the heavy artillery: cute baby animal videos.

Lemur babies at the Bronx Zoo

Have you heard the big news? We have tiny lemur babies! Two ring-tailed lemurs and one collared lemur to be exact. They’re in Madagascar! And taking turn on exhibit, plan a trip to say hello.

Posted by Bronx Zoo on Thursday, April 21, 2016

According to their website, the Bronx Zoo welcomed three new additions recently, and hopefully these fuzzy little bundles of joy will make you forget your troubles for a moment as you go "aww!" loud enough at your desk to disturb your coworkers. 

The Bronx Zoo now has two ring-tailed lemurs and one collared lemur on display on alternating days in the Madagascar exhibit. They shared the good news on their Facebook and Instagramas well.

The only thing that could be better is abandoning all your responsibilities and actually taking a trip to the Bronx Zoo to see them in person.

Article 21

10 bathing suits you should buy for your middle school self before Victoria's Secret Swim shuts down.

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Ladies (and gents), it's the end of an era.​ According to BuzzFeed, Victoria's Secret is shuttering its swim line in favor of athletic wear after this year. Though those days of clipping out bikinis from Victoria’s Secret catalogs and saving up money for the big purchase may be long over for you, countless millennial women still fondly remember that ritual from their middle school days.

Take a moment to pay homage to your days of furiously coveting ill-fitting bikini bottoms and swim tops that were basically water-proof bras. These 10 styles (which are still available, if you feel like living out the teenage dream) should properly bring back the stress-filled days of whether or not your bikini top is doing your boobs justice.

1. Bombshell Add-2-Cups Push-Up Halter and Teeny Bikini.

A bathing suit with built-in floaties. How convenient.

2. Macramé Scoopneck Bralette and Macramé Teeny Bikini.

The strings on this bikini will leave you with weird blocks of untanned skin that you can cry over for days.

3. Flounce Bandeau and Cheeky Bottom.

Every late bloomer knows this is the top of choice for disguising AAs as As.

4. Embroidered Babe Triangle Top and Banded Side-Tie.

This bikini goes so well with Vera Bradley bags and a tan that says, "I don't have a summer job."

5. V Bikini Crop and Bottom.

If camel toe is your thing, then this suit is for you.

6. Fabulous Top and Ruffle Cheeky.

Ruffles plus a push-up top? All the boys will definitely be checking you out.

7. Surf Teeny Triangle Top and Bottom.

The string bikini—a classic because every girl looks good in this. Every girl who is a Victoria's Secret model, that is.

8. Strappy Criscross One-piece.

For those who like to spend an hour on the beach, and two hours trying to figure out how to get in their bathing suits. 

9. Wrap-front Shaping One-piece 

Because even at age 14, society already misleadingly teaches girls that ruching is "slimming."

10. Caged Halter Top and Mini Bikini.

An ideal get-up for the girl who wants to show that she's feminine but sporty and cool. Fake attitude not included.

Adieu, sweet swimsuits of yesteryear. This event would be even sadder, if not for the knowledge that there will be more space in stores for Knockout Pants (hopefully high-waisted, size medium ones in particular).

Mike Tyson's tribute to Prince is even weirder than you'd expect it to be.

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In a #supertribute to #Prince, completely sane person Mike Tyson let the world know how weirdly he's taking the loss of the artist behind "Purple Rain." The tribute is just the right amount of touching and bizarre that the world needs to overcome the immense grief they're feeling over Prince's death.

Never one to stray away from the offbeat, Prince would probably love this so much. It's also just wonderful to see Tyson connect with someone so different from himself: a musician who did so many wonderful things for ears celebrated by a boxer notorious for being very bad for ears. What a time to be alive!

Watch Tyson's rendition of Drake's "Hotline Bling" below, and feel glad he let Prince do the singing while he did the punching.


Article 18

Oprah and Gayle crashed a Weight Watchers meeting. You've never seen women this excited, ever.

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Oprah Winfrey decided to casually stop by a Weight Watchers meeting in New York City this week, as if she is not Oprah-Freaking-Winfrey, one of the most famous and beloved celebrities of all time. According to PeopleOprah has already lost 26 pounds on the program, and she wanted to stop by the meeting that was being run by her Weight Watchers coach, Lisa Levy Shaub. Shaub was in on the surprise, but no one else knew she was coming.

Oprah and her best friend Gayle (who is also on Weight Watchers) stopped by the meeting and reportedly stayed the entire time. But of course, being Oprah, she couldn't just mill in the with other attendees undetected. She had to make an entrance.

Fun Weight Watchers Surprise....

Posted by Oprah Winfrey on Tuesday, April 19, 2016

At 0:46 seconds, a woman does a double take so hard you would be surprised that she didn't snap her neck. You get a neck injury, and you get a neck injury! 

Shaub told People:

It was kind of hilarious, because we were in the beginning of the meeting, so we had already started, and she came in from the back of the room, so there was a slow discovery, and people were all doing double takes, screaming, but it took a second before it hit people. And there was applause, and people saying, 'We don't believe it!' and hands on their faces, and smiles. It was amazing. It was perfect.

So, were the other Weight Watchers members even able to continue having a normal meeting after Oprah, someone who's outfit probably cost more than their rent, was sitting in the room with them? Shaub said that her presence did not keep people from feeling comfortable in the meeting.

It was fantastic, it was clear that she really was interested and wanting to be a part of the meeting, and really see what the meeting experience was like. And because of that, it allowed the members to really be themselves and do a regular meeting, so even though there was a charge in the room, and I think the buzz and the excitement never really dropped, people were still able to be themselves.

Oprah seems like she really believes in the program. While not creating actual commercials for the company, she endorses them on her own (or should we say OWNsocial media accounts. 

This happened for the first time in my adult life... #wwsmartpoints #comejoinme weightwtch.rs/oprah

Posted by Oprah Winfrey on Thursday, January 7, 2016

ABC News reported that at the end of the meeting, both Winfrey and King received "Bravo" stickers, which Oprah will surely display alongside her seventeen Emmy awards.

An honest post from a seemingly flawless lifestyle blogger.

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Springtime Things

I love spring.

Feeling so #grateful my backyard roses are in bloom, and so #grateful you want to read about them for some reason.

I love waking up, doing a few sun salutations on the porch, and then sipping on a cool iced coffee made in my Chemex (can’t live without Intelligencia’s cold-brewed fair-trade Ethiopian coffee beans right now—they taste like strawberries!). And I love the smell of fresh cut grass when I take a barefoot walk in my yard in my homemade kaftan (such a necessity as the weather gets warm).

But most of all, I love spring because my readers love spring, and since I made the mistake of getting myself into the situation where most of my barely-above-poverty-line income comes from the incredibly inconsistent method of running a lifestyle blog, I am stuck on a constant treadmill of loving whatever my readers love. And what my readers apparently love is reading about yuppie springtime adventures from a woman who works very hard to perpetuate the lie that she actually spends most of her time sharing inspirational quotes, eating raw kelp, and meeting up with stylish friends to drink “antidepressant tea,” which is so not a real thing.

So hurray for spring!

Springtime Decorating

When it came time to give my little bungalow a new motif for spring, I decided to go with “bowls.” Why? There’s a beauty in their simplicity, and the circles echo the circle of life and spring’s rebirth. Also, another blog did a post about bowls that did unexpectedly well, and I want those sweet sweet clicks so I earn enough ad revenue that I don't have to pawn my MacBook Pro, which all lifestyle bloggers are expected to have even though PCs are cheaper and work just fine.

Don’t you just love bowls? Did you know they can also hold food??

That picture above is the decorative bowls on my dining table. After this photo is taken, this room will not be this clean again until I redecorate again in three months, which I will only do so I can make a blog post about it. 

Also, loving this inspirational piece my friend an acquaintance someone named Rachel made:

Springtime Outfits

I’m really into basic dresses with belts right now, layered with a denim shirt. It’s a stellar way to give a hip edge to something feminine, and it’s also it’s a great way to mash together two items from my closet that you’ve seen 100 times before in other outfits, because for some reason you readers expect a woman who lives paycheck-to-paycheck running a lifestyle blog to have the same amount of wardrobe turnover as a Kardashian.

ModCloth dress, Theory shirt, Miz Mooz shoes, model’s own sincere worry that you’re going to find this outfit too pedestrian.

Also, putting on this outfit to take this photo is the first time I’ve worn something other than pajamas in four days, but because of the “magic” of the Internet, you think it’s possible for a woman to just roll out of bed and look like this every day. In turn, that makes you, dear reader, feel inadequate and insecure in your own life. Sorry, but I need you to feel insecure in order to keep you coming back and learning my secrets. Lol!

Springtime Food

As you know, the slogan of this blog is “Easy ways to make your ordinary extraordinary, your extraordinary simple, and your simple gorgeous.” I still have no idea what that means, or how to achieve it. I bet you don’t either! :) That’s why I post photos of cupcakes regularly. I find that if you show people a really good picture of cupcakes, they get distracted enough that they don’t think too hard about what they’re reading.

I stress baked these at 4 am because I stayed up all night answering your comments. For people who are looking for inner peace, you sure say a lot of nasty shit online. ;)

I’ll be posting a recipe for these springtime cupcakes soon. Warning: in my efforts to go healthy, I overcorrected, so instead of doing sensible things like reducing the sugar and using whole wheat flour, I replaced all of the cake ingredients with black beans, and then frosted them with mashed bananas. These cupcakes are literally just black beans covered in mashed bananas, but I take a really good photo, so it doesn’t look like it.

Like remember my Valentine's Day cake? It was just shredded beats layered with a kefir reduction. Totally foul.

And OMG! I need to tell you that I am loving these cupcakes because they taste like the full-fat, full-sugar real thing. But you and I both know that’s not true, so we’re just going to live in this lie together, like two people in a plane full of black bean cakes that is about to crash into the ocean, but all we can do is talk about how great the in-flight magazine is.

Speaking of wrecks, here’s what my “beautiful” kitchen actually looks like when I’m cooking:

JK! I would never show you a messy kitchen because then this ruse would come crashing down.

I am also really loving FulLyfeNow’s Activated PowerGreens PowderGREENS right at the moment. And by “really loving,” I mean that I tried it once and it turned my pee bright green and made all of my burps taste like raw acorns, but this is a sponsored mention so I have to say, "It’s great!"

It's great!

Springtime Coconut Oil

I mention coconut oil in, like, every fifth blog post because humans are so desperate for easy solutions that my readers believe coconut oil can fix anything. This month, try putting coconut oil on your armpits. Or try using it to bring someone back from the dead. It might work. This stuff really can do anything!

Springtime Reader Question

Julie Welch wrote in asking “How do you stay so positive?” It’s not always easy, Julie. :( Gratitude is a big part of it. But the bigger part is that any time I’m doing poorly, I lie and say I’m doing great. People read lifestyle blogs because they want a thin, perfect caricature of a human rather than a complex individual, because blog readers want to believe they can transcend their imperfections and become perfect too. But here's the real truth: the wolves of worry and merciless self-doubt never stop chasing you. No matter how perfect you make your life look online, all you can really do is learn how to live with the discomfort and recognize that real, non-blog life isn't about being happy all the time.

So! Back to gratitude, I am so grateful that blogging allows me to lie about how I’m really doing, and I’m grateful that something in my readers drives them to believe this lie! :)

Springtime Goals

There’s a lot I’m excited for this spring, but right now I’m going to take a walk outside, because if I stare at the computer any longer, my eyes will shrivel and I will lose what little faith in humanity I still have. xoxo!

Readers, sound off: What’s your favorite thing about springtime? And what mask do you put on to hide the world from the complicated, messy meat sack that you really are?

(Additional images from Shutterstock)

MTV accidentally played the wrong Prince during their memorial marathon. Execs just don't understand.

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After reports that music icon Prince's death were confirmed, MTV did a surprisingly cool thing by canceling all of their regularly scheduled programming to air an all-day Prince music video marathon. They even made their logo purple in memory of the late musician.

It was a relief for many, considering that "Music Television" hardly plays any music nowadays, but instead runs TV shows about pregnant teenagers and other stuff like that. However, despite the best intentions of yesterday's marathon, a certain video popped up that was definitely not like the others.

Whoops. Wrong Prince! People mourning the loss of Prince were caught off guard by suddenly hearing the song "Girls Ain't Nothing but Trouble" by The Fresh Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff (yeah, the one that references false rape accusations) in the middle of the tribute.

So how did this happen? People have their theories.

Dad cat-sitting for his son runs into most dad-like problem.

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Reddit user PurplePupilEater left his cat Jeter with his father for the week, of course expecting everything to be just dandy between his cat and his dad. Judging by the text exchange PurplePupilEater shared, Jeter and dad got along OK. Could've gone better, could've gone worse. But Jeter did cause PurplePupilEater's dad to have a very stereotypically dad-like issue:

Oh, dad. What a dad text to send. Well, it's slightly more of a mom text, but it'll do.

The question is: how does Jeter really feel about the father of PurplePupilEater? Jeter could either be chilling on the keyboard because he adores Poppa Purple and can't stand to be away from him. Or Jeter is out to fuck with his owner's dad. Seeing as Jeter is a cat, it's likely the later.

Fingers crossed that Jeter is as innocent looking at this stock photo model cat.

As to the dad's computer issues: "I texted him the directions," PurplePupilEater wrote, "and he said it didn't work haha but when I facetimed him he tried it and it 'magically' worked." Technology certainly is magical.

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