You're cordially invited to watch Downton Abbey with me at my one-bedroom estate.

March 28, 2014, 7:50 am

≫ Next: Let's drink this weekend as if we just escaped being stuck in a long conversation with Gwyneth Paltrow.

≪ Previous: Congratulations on proving that any idiot can have a kid.

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Let's drink this weekend as if we just escaped being stuck in a long conversation with Gwyneth Paltrow.

March 28, 2014, 9:11 am

≫ Next: It takes more than one date to truly know if someone is the right person for you to settle for.

≪ Previous: You're cordially invited to watch Downton Abbey with me at my one-bedroom estate.

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It takes more than one date to truly know if someone is the right person for you to settle for.

March 28, 2014, 9:50 am

≫ Next: 5 Out-Of-Office Replies For When You're Wasting Time In The Office

≪ Previous: Let's drink this weekend as if we just escaped being stuck in a long conversation with Gwyneth Paltrow.

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5 Out-Of-Office Replies For When You're Wasting Time In The Office

March 28, 2014, 10:17 am

≫ Next: Sorry you're upset Noah isn't as accurate as the fictional book on which it's based.

≪ Previous: It takes more than one date to truly know if someone is the right person for you to settle for.

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Sorry you're upset Noah isn't as accurate as the fictional book on which it's based.

March 28, 2014, 10:53 am

≫ Next: My favorite time to pretend I was going to exercise is when it's raining out.

≪ Previous: 5 Out-Of-Office Replies For When You're Wasting Time In The Office

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My favorite time to pretend I was going to exercise is when it's raining out.

March 28, 2014, 11:18 am

≫ Next: I think I'm finally ready to start avoiding dating again.

≪ Previous: Sorry you're upset Noah isn't as accurate as the fictional book on which it's based.

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I think I'm finally ready to start avoiding dating again.

March 29, 2014, 5:01 am

≫ Next: I know we just met but I feel like I've known you since way back when I first began stalking you.

≪ Previous: My favorite time to pretend I was going to exercise is when it's raining out.

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I know we just met but I feel like I've known you since way back when I first began stalking you.

March 30, 2014, 5:01 am

≫ Next: Sorry you didn't get any likes on the photo you posted of your lunch.

≪ Previous: I think I'm finally ready to start avoiding dating again.

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Sorry you didn't get any likes on the photo you posted of your lunch.

March 30, 2014, 7:01 am

≫ Next: You have a lot of Facebook friends for someone with no friends.

≪ Previous: I know we just met but I feel like I've known you since way back when I first began stalking you.

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You have a lot of Facebook friends for someone with no friends.

March 31, 2014, 5:01 am

≫ Next: Here's to leisurely sitting on the sofa watching the 2014 baseball season like A-Rod.

≪ Previous: Sorry you didn't get any likes on the photo you posted of your lunch.

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Here's to leisurely sitting on the sofa watching the 2014 baseball season like A-Rod.

March 31, 2014, 7:50 am

≫ Next: I'll barely miss The Walking Dead since I've already seen dozens of zombies roaming the office today.

≪ Previous: You have a lot of Facebook friends for someone with no friends.

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I'll barely miss The Walking Dead since I've already seen dozens of zombies roaming the office today.

March 31, 2014, 8:27 am

≫ Next: Congratulations on being responsible enough to sign up for health insurance at the last possible second.

≪ Previous: Here's to leisurely sitting on the sofa watching the 2014 baseball season like A-Rod.

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Congratulations on being responsible enough to sign up for health insurance at the last possible second.

March 31, 2014, 9:01 am

≫ Next: The government may force me to have health insurance but they can never force me to respect my body.

≪ Previous: I'll barely miss The Walking Dead since I've already seen dozens of zombies roaming the office today.

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The government may force me to have health insurance but they can never force me to respect my body.

March 31, 2014, 9:30 am

≫ Next: Just a reminder that today is the last day to unsuccessfully sign up for Obamacare.

≪ Previous: Congratulations on being responsible enough to sign up for health insurance at the last possible second.

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Just a reminder that today is the last day to unsuccessfully sign up for Obamacare.

March 31, 2014, 9:39 am

≫ Next: I worry that my children will grow up before I do.

≪ Previous: The government may force me to have health insurance but they can never force me to respect my body.

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I worry that my children will grow up before I do.

March 31, 2014, 10:50 am

≫ Next: The next best thing to quitting my job is fantasizing about quitting my job.

≪ Previous: Just a reminder that today is the last day to unsuccessfully sign up for Obamacare.

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The next best thing to quitting my job is fantasizing about quitting my job.

March 31, 2014, 11:43 am

≫ Next: If somebody has to do it, it might as well not be me.

≪ Previous: I worry that my children will grow up before I do.

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If somebody has to do it, it might as well not be me.

March 31, 2014, 1:44 pm

≫ Next: My vibrator and I are looking for a third.

≪ Previous: The next best thing to quitting my job is fantasizing about quitting my job.

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My vibrator and I are looking for a third.

March 31, 2014, 4:50 pm

≫ Next: Happy Pretty Much Just Another Day Where Everything On The Internet Is Fake.

≪ Previous: If somebody has to do it, it might as well not be me.

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Happy Pretty Much Just Another Day Where Everything On The Internet Is Fake.

April 1, 2014, 5:01 am

≫ Next: I noticed you waited until after midnight last night to tell me you loved me.

≪ Previous: My vibrator and I are looking for a third.

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