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The guy who was punched for looking like Shia LaBeouf got a voicemail from the real Shia. It was actually pretty sweet.

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Remember last week, when some random dude named Mario Licato was punched in the face merely for resembling actor/walking performance art piece ShiaLeBeouf? Well, it seems word of the attack has reached the real Shia, who felt so bad about the whole ordeal that he reached out to apologize to the poor guy himself. Cosmopolitan was able to sit down to talk to Licato (who may be in higher demand for interviews than Shia himself at the moment) to discuss about what the Transformers star had to say. It all started with this very cryptic and Shia-like comment on Licato's Instagram. 

Licato had been neglecting his voicemail inbox (like all normal 21st century people), but once he saw Shia's Instagram comment, he quickly went to go check it. He recounted the two-minute voicemail to Cosmopolitan.

It was a pretty long voicemail. He was like, "Hey, this is Shia LaBeouf … I just read an article that you were punched in the face because you look like me?" And he was like, "Aw, man. That sucks. I'm so sorry. But I get it. It's happened to me before." And then he was like, "I don't know. I wish I was in New York. I'd come bring you soup." He was just like, "This sucks. I don't even know what to say. I'm sorry. People are just crazy. Just because you look like me?" I was obviously laughing the whole time. And then he was like, "Here's my phone number. Don't give it to anybody. Please, please, call me back. Call me back if you want to. We could chat. Let's giggle over this. Maybe there's a silver lining in all this. But call me back." And then he was like, "And once again, this is Shia LaBeouf, the guy you got hit for looking like. And yeah, man, I'm sorry. I'm just really sorry." And he was like "Keep your head up, G." And that was it.

Licato said he's listened to the voicemail "like five times already." He also added that he had plans to call Shia back after he was done with work and had some wine. Looks like he eventually got around to it.

Brb talking to the real Shia. 💅

A photo posted by Mario Licato (@mariolicato) on

Also, he is looking a lot better than he did last week. Ouch.

Licato's assailant has still not been identified, and may still be out there punching faces that look like Shia's. 


'Vogue' magazine's first 100-year-old model makes growing old look really, really good.

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Marjorie 'Bo' Gilbert is the 100-year-old model who is gracing the pages of Voguethis May, and she makes growing old look absolutely fabulous. In a photo shoot that British department store Harvey Nichols created specifically for Vogue's 100th anniversary, Gilbert dons Valentino glasses, a Dries Van Noten hot pink coat, and a whole lot of timeless beauty. Take that, Kendell Jenner.

Iconic photographer Phil Poynter shot these images of the centenarian for the commemorative issue honoring the taste-making magazine's 100th anniversary. 

Gilbert also is chock-full of inspirational quotes that can only come from a century of wisdom, like this gem: "I dress to suit myself. I certainly don't dress up for boys." If that isn't inspiration to get off the couch and put some pants on, what is?

This bear, freed from years of torture on a bile farm, splashes around his pool with rapturous joy.

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The bear bile industry—which uses cruel, painful procedures to extract digestive fluids from captive bears in the name of traditional medicine—is sadly still thriving in the 21st Century. Luckily for Tuffy, the bear in this video, he was rescued from one such bile farm where he spent years condemned to a life of torture inside a tiny cage. Animals Asia captured the blissful frolic Tuffy made in his sanctuary pool on one of the first days he ventured outside after being rescued. Seeing Tuffy splash around like a giggly baby in a bathtub is the uplifting sight you never knew you needed.

According to Animals Asia, Tuffy was rescued in September after being found with painfully dry and cracked paws, extreme dehydration, and a gall bladder so damaged it had to be removed.

Animals Asia's Bear Manager, Louise Ellis, explained the context of Tuffy's delightful romping.

Coming from years of little or no water, for Tuffy this must feel like a true oasis after being parched and in pain for so long. It must have felt like such a relief to have the freedom to splash around in the water after only being able to stand on the hard metal bars of the bile farm cage.

Asian Black Bears are most often targeted by bile farms, and they must often be dehydrated, because you can see another one romping in a pool post-rescue here. The organization claims that Vietnam is home to over 1,200 bear bile farms, and that there are 10,000 more across all of Asia. They've rescued 600 bears so far, and are currently caring for 400 of them.

Don't even think about comparing your joy that the weekend's here to Tuffy's joy of being free, you insensitive monster.

12 vaguely embarrassing TV commercials stars did early in their careers.

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Everybody’s got to start somewhere. For actors, it’s commercials (if they’re lucky). And if they’re really lucky, they parlay that work shilling burgers and condiments into starring roles in movies and TV, leaving behind these amusing relics for all to enjoy.

1. Paul Rudd for Super Nintendo.

Fun fact: Paul Rudd looks the same as he did in this commercial from 1991.

2. Ellie Kemper for Caltrate.

She’s only the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt today because she took lots and lots of bone medicine.

3. Matt LeBlanc for ketchup.

Good things come to those who wait, such as that sweet Friends syndication money.

4. Bryan Cranston for Preparation H.

The “H” is for “Heisenberg.”

5. Aaron Paul for Juicy Fruit.

Cranston’s Breaking Bad costar used the power of telekinesis…for gum.

6. Mila Kunis for Telephone Tammy.

Long before she married Ashton Kutcher, she was already hanging out with pieces of beautiful molded plastic.

7. Jim Parsons for sandwiches.

On The Big Bang Theory, he plays Sheldon​, a character who would not understand this commercial at all.

8. Ben Affleck for Burger King.

Ben was trying to get some strange even back then.

9. Megan Mullally and John Goodman for McDonald's.

Karen from Will and Grace is thrilled that Egg McMuffins are so cheap, while John Goodman acts like he’s never eaten eggs before.

10. Leonardo DiCaprio for hot threads.

He stills wears those clothes. That’s how he gets all those models.

11. Rob McElhenney with a very important message. 

Mac from It’s Always Sunny would probably beat up this guy.

12. Tina Fey for a bank.

Blergh.

This girl got kicked out of her university's gym for having a great set of shoulder blades.

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If you’re working out at Washington and Lee University, you better familiarize yourself with their gym's strict dress code which desperately needs a 2016 update. On April 12, a student at the university named Danielle had her gym session abruptly ended because of the tank top she wore. 

According to TotalSororityMove.com (TSM), Danielle was asked to leave the gym by a student employee who told her that her “shirt was too low in the back.”

Apparently, revealing your shoulder blades is like flashing your boobs at this gym.

"I'm disappointed. I have witnessed nip slips in that very fitness center when meat heads have trimmed a few too many inches from the sides of their homemade tank tops," Danielle told TSM. "But I get kicked out for revealing a triangle in the middle of my back? And on Women's Equal Pay Day?" These squares can't handle the triangle on your back, Danielle. They. Just. Can't.

And yes, Washington and Lee's choice of exercise wear is definitely for squares. Taken from the university's website, here are their do's and don'ts regarding fitness attire:

It's not like Danielle pulled a Kim K and wore something this racy to the gym.

🙏

A photo posted by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on

Danielle also mentioned that the employee who confronted her was a girl who was weirdly sent by the male director at the gym. Perhaps the dude didn't want to approach Danielle directly because that would just mean he was checking her out and was too threatened by the way her mid-back made him feel, right? Nooo, no dude ever wants a girl to know that.

Also as she was leaving the gym, Danielle said she "bumped into a boy headed there who is known for his revealing tank tops. I wondered if he would be kicked out like I had been." Double standards, much W&L?

Cop allegedly taps baby monitor to watch mom breastfeed, as if you weren't paranoid enough.

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Today in new paranoias to develop: Michigan woman Megan Pearce is suing a police officer for tapping her baby monitor in order to watch her breastfeed. Her lawsuit claims that the officer, "who is paid to uphold the law, perversely and illegally spied on her and her infant son, in one of the most intimate and private moments between a mother and her baby imaginable, to satisfy his prurient voyeurism."

The only thing that a baby monitor should threaten is a good night's sleep.

Here's how the officer, Michael Emmi, allegedly did this: he arrested the mother's fiancé, a licensed medical marijuana caregiver, on charges of having more than the legal limit of marijuana. Emmi then confiscated the man's iPhone—which had a baby monitor app on it—as evidence.

While Pearce was breastfeeding her child, she noticed that the camera light was turned on and in use. She used Find My iPhone to track her partner's phone to the cop's house—not the evidence room.

"It's so brazen to me," attorney Kevin Ernst said to People. "How did he think he could do this? It's so sickening." Police officers, meanwhile, are saying that Pearce may only be filing this suit to help her fiancé with his drug charges. In any case, that's the version of this story that is less likely to keep you up with anxiety every night.

Someone made a 'Star Wars' and 'Hamilton' mash-up, so pop culture is now complete.

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Wrap it up, folks, because with the release of the Star Wars/Hamilton mash-up "Luke the Son of Anakin," American culture has clearly reached its logical conclusion. Even more than Batlexander Manilton, the whiny-teen-turned-galactic-hero Luke Skywalker is a pretty good stand-in for the braggart-teen-turned-Founding-Father Alexander Hamilton. He's a bastard orphan dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot in the Imperium who turned out to be much more than his humble beginnings suggested.

This incredibly nerdy musical intro was written by NYC-based comedian Nick Jack Pappas, and starring a bunch of other comics (including David Ebert, whom you may recognize as the Bud Light Straw-ber-ita guy). You can get it on iTunes here

Either way.


The most embarrassingly awkward autocorrects of April 2016.

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April's finally over. The unpredictable weather, the allergies, the seemingly endless spinning of the wheels until summer—well, get ready to do it all again in May. Luckily, the wily goblins at Damn You Autocorrect are here to cheer you up with the funniest texting disasters of the past month for your schadenfreude enjoyment.

1. It's all just part of the human experience.

2. Autocorrect was the final plague.

3. It actually improves property values in some cases.

4. She's going to be late to dinner.

5. Careful talking to Siri that way, she knows everything about you.

6. There is though, it's just on the Internet.

7. Hopefully Dan is a friend and not a coworker.

8. Seems like that's where the conversation was going anyway.

9. Gotta think Popper's a dog, right?

10. Check back next month to see if Nick survived.

11. Different cultures celebrate in different ways.

12. Mom?!

13. Either way, that's a really thoughtful sentiment.

If you take all of Donald Trump's bragging and insults to women, it makes a pretty good rap.

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During this election cycle, The Daily Show has come under some fire for their failure to destroy Donald Trump—which seems like an unfair request of a comedy news program, but it's not like the GOP is going to do it—but this rap cobbled together from Trump's inane and offensive ranting may be their best outing yet. "They Love Me" is the name of this track from Black Trump (feat. Jordan Klepper), and the only downside of it is that it flows so well, you might actually like Trump more after watching it (as a hyperbolic rapper, not necessarily for president). It fits almost too well, but the similarity between Trump and artists like Kanye West have been well-documented. Nowhere else is relentless bragging and objectifying women as accepted as it is in rap and Donald Trump rallies.

Someone's trying to ruin first-round NFL draft pick Laremy Tunsil's career by hacking his social media.

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Former University of Mississippi offensive tackle and brand-new Miami Dolphin Laremy Tunsil was drafted on April 28 as the #13 overall pick—which would have been fantastic if he had not been projected to be the #5 or #6 pick (he was even ranked #1 by some). The fall in his fortune happened the night before the draft, when his Twitter account abruptly uploaded a video of Tunsil in an Ole Miss dorm room smoking cannabis from a gas mask bong. This was only the first time he was hacked this week, and right now signs point to his disgruntled stepfather.

That smoking video prompted the Baltimore Ravens—a team that seemed far less alarmed by a video of Ray Rice beating his wife—to drop Tunsil instead of taking him as the #6 pick. Miami got him at #13, which probably cost the player about $7 million dollars (this was a great deal for Miami, however).

According to Deadspin, this is manifestly the work of someone with a grudge, someone who had been trying to sell the video for weeks before giving up and posting it to Twitter just to damage Tunsil even if they couldn't get cash. That someone is quite possibly Tunsil's stepfather Lindsey Miller, with whom he has had a series of recent legal disputes.

Tunsil pressed charges against Miller alleging that Miller had hit his mother and that Tunsil stepped in to defend her. Miller counter-sued, charging that Tunsil had assaulted him unprovoked. Eventually, both suits were dropped, but Miller then claimed that he had proof Tunsil had violated NCAA violations, which brings us to the next hack.

After he was picked by the Dolphins, Tunsil's Instagram account also went rogue, showing what appeared to be a text conversation between Tunsil and Ole Miss Assistant Athletic Director John Miller in which Tunsil asks for financial help with his rent and his mother's utility bills.

When asked about these incidents at a press conference, Tunsil admitted to both events, saying he does not run his social media accounts personally and that they had been hacked. "I made that mistake, y'know, several years ago" Tunsil said about the weed video, "and somehow someone got into my photos and hacked my Twitter account."

With regards to whether or not he ever accepted money from a coach, Tunsil responded "I'd have to say yeah" (after earlier saying no) before being ushered off-stage by a Dolphins handler.

So, in closing, a college student smoked pot and accepted subsidized housing and help for his mom's utility bills. He didn't hit his girlfriend so hard she lost hearing (Johnny Manziel), he wasn't suspected of double homicide (Ray Lewis), he wasn't filmed beating a woman in an elevator (Ray Rice), and he didn't fake his entire academic record (UNC). He's possibly being harassed by his father-in-law, who possibly beat his mom. If there's a lesson to be learned here, it's change your passwords regularly.

Prince's vault has been drilled open, revealing a century's worth of unheard albums.

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The artist usually known as Prince left behind a staggering legacy of musical genius that fans adored, but the opening of his legendary vault revealed a trove of unpublished music and videos that dwarfs what's already out there. Bremer Trust, the company that has been giving temporary control over Prince's estate (the singer had no will), was forced to drill into the vault on April 28 because no one knew the secret code. There are enough unpublished songs inside to release a new album every year well into the 22nd Century (he released 39 during his lifetime).

The existence of the vault is well-known, and contains both songs that were never released as well as dozens of music videos for those unreleased songs, as Kevin Smith revealed in this talk at Kent State:

No word on whether it contains any of Prince's amazing song covers.

Because vaults are fascinating, you'd probably like to see it, right? Here's a shot of the door to the vault:

There are several images floating around the Internet claiming to be the inside of the vault, but as of yet they are all of dubious origin. Now that it's been opened, however, that should change soon.

Pet owners shared 20 absolutely disgusting stories about the grossest things they ever saw their pets do.

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Dogs may be idiots and cats are often jerks, but the most baffling part of why we love them so much is how gosh-darn revolting and unbelievably unhygienic they can be. If it wasn't for all their unconditional love and affection—which, you must admit, is pretty nice—we'd be hard-pressed to explain why we let them into our homes (and often our beds). Fortunately, they're pretty cute.

This tongue has licked unspeakable filth. Soon it shall lick you as well.

1. oreosprinkles is sorry for this, but now you’ll always think about Waffles the next time you’re having waffles.

Waffles got into something (my husband and I still aren’t quite sure what... just all of a sudden, he had diarrhea), and so we had been monitoring him and letting him rest. I decide to go check up on him, and he’s surrounded by a pool of mucus and shit…and he’s eating it! Apparently, he had shit himself, then ate his shit, then vomited up the shit, then proceeded to eat up the shit-vomit. A couple hours later, he vomited again, and then tried to eat more of his shit-vomit.

2. Nothing like some good ol’ backyard chicken, right, je_taime?

As we were walking at night, he sneaked a piece of rotting chicken skin and feathers into his mouth in the area where a coyote had shredded up some neighbor’s backyard chicken. Since this was on a vacant lot, nobody had cleaned up the mess of feathers and two feet.

3. It was a night around Christmas, and all through the house, a screaming, freaked-out tinsel-turd-cat ran all through the house. Thanks, ebiaski.

A few years back during Christmas, my cat ate some tinsel. He comes running out of the litter box and he is freaking out. Out of his ass is some tinsel with a turd stuck on it. As my wife is screaming about a turd being dragged on our hardwood floors I am chasing after him. I finally catch him and pull the turd tinsel out. My wife had to mop the floor.

4. Hey, Anemone5, at least he didn’t eat it.

There’s a street dog that lives near my work and today I gave him some quick pets before walking through the front door. But no sooner did I pet him than he walked over and found roadkill that had been there a few days and had been ground into a flat, dried unrecognizable husk—I think it might have been a cat, dunno—what my father would call a “sail-cat” because when sufficiently flattened and dried it could be peeled off the concrete and made to fly like a Frisbee. Anyway, the second he sniffs this thing, with cars honking at him as they go by for how close to traffic he was, he lays down on it, rubbing his eye-gland and chest on it, on both sides, as if marking it with his scent.

5. Oh, but Shannegans’s dog did.

Toby tried to eat a flattened, dried out toad that had been sitting in the dirt for god only knows how long. Seriously, you ever tried to wrestle toad jerky out of corgis mouth, when corgis are notorious for eating anything within reach? It was a low moment for both of us.

6. Hair it is, fromCharlieBear26: the most purrrfectly awful story.

My cat likes eating hair/string/long fibrous stuff. So on occasion she’ll have hair embedded in her poop as she’s taking a dump. One day, she got nearly all the poop out EXCEPT there was a long hair still anchoring a fat turd to her bum. She freaks out and starts running in circles. All. Over. The. House. I heard her meowing and I rushed into my bedroom to see poop being flung in circles everywhere. So there she is chasing her tail while there’s a perfect 360-degree poop rotation hitting everything it comes close too. It took me all day to clean shit off of every surface I own, all while she sat up on the windowsill judging me.

7. RikiOh knows that when you see a dog being gross you just roll with it.

I hate outhouses and so I just poop in the woods when camping. Don’t judge me. The gross dog (a golden retriever) rolled into it. We got the dog to chase a stick into the lake, but that didn’t get rid of stink. 

8. CherryCandee never puts her hands in her pockets. Not after this encounter with an old dog, anyway.

I have no idea how it happened. The tech took him to the back to do something (probably a vaccine or bloodwork) and I heard “OH MY GOD” so I freaked out a bit thinking he died because he was pretty old (I adopted him from the humane society and they said he was around 15, this appointment was 7 years later), but then I heard a bunch of laughter and she came out and told me he pooped in her pocket. Neither of us knew how that was even possible.

9. In most of the world, Wowdudebummer, they call it poopball.

My cat took a fresh piece of its poop out of the litter box and played soccer with it resulting in poo streaks all over the floor.

10. SaltyBabe experienced the dog-sick version of a double rainbow.

Stole roughly 2 pounds of blueberry jelly beans out of someone’s luggage and ate them. She was sick for a week but right after she ate them she drank water which made her vomit up neon blue foamy slime. Also her poops turned ultra green and gooey for several days.

11. This tale from Nuva_Ringtoss is 99 percent effective in making you want to vomit.

We had come to an intersection, and were looking both ways to cross the street when I noticed his head and neck quickly shoot down. I scooped him up and stuck my fingers in his mouth to scoop whatever it was out before he got a chance to chew on it or swallow it...only to fish-out a used condom.

12. mega05 and their dog would like to welcome you to the bone zone.

She built up a collection of rotten bones buried in secret locations throughout the backyard, but in her old age she decided that her treasure would be safer inside the house. She dug them all up and secretly carried them back into the house one at a time to hide them under the blanket of her dog bed. We couldn’t figure out why she smelled so bad even just a day or two after a bath until it was time to clean her bed and we found about 20 rotting bones covering 3 or 4 years of activity.

13. Bobozmbiecan shouldn’t have interrupted the cat during dinner. It’s impolite.

Ate a dead mouse on my chest while I was asleep. I woke up to her half way through her meal.

14. You’re almost as gross as your dog, rabbit_heart.

‘Twas the night before thanksgiving. Dog pulled defrosting turkey off the counter, unwrapped it, dragged it to the living room, skillfully removed the organs, and placed them out on to the carpet for display. We still ate the turkey, so I guess it wasn’t too bad.

15. Dear ljuvlig, please explain how this putrid nightmare is even possible?

Dog begins gagging in me bed. I grab some paper towels and put it under her face. Which means I’m leaning over her, with my face right behind her butt. She simultaneously barfs and blows diarrhea all over my face and hair.

16. Like everything else cats do, Minksie chose the middle of the night to gift uzumaki222 with the miracle of life.

My cat gave birth on me. In the middle of the night I woke up wet on my side and turned on the light to find it was amniotic fluid and blood, and Minksie straining to give birth.

17. homehealthgirl‘s dog just isn’t a Pearl Girl.

Artemis learned how to open a cabinet while my roommate and I were eating dinner. Obviously she felt left out because she came out of the bathroom chewing on a used tampon. This was prior to her learning "drop it", I'd had her for maybe three weeks?

She swallowed it whole so I had to call the vet. -.- luckily she passed it the next morning but we still had X-Rays done.

18. For a second, waghag thought Santa had come and was very angry.

Hide his shit in the tree skirt under the Christmas tree.

19. Tatterdemalion_ gives us the rare story of a dog expelling something from somewhere besides its mouth or anus.

I have a little rescued pug named Beau. He’s a weird dog. One day, I get home and he’s acting very strange. Stumbling around, itching his head, and sneezing non-stop. These are serious sneezes. I mean. He was basically propelling himself backwards with the sheer force of his constant pug-sneezing. Needless to say, I was a little concerned, so after it didn’t stop after a few hours I scheduled an appointment with a vet the next day. However, turns out it wasn’t necessary, because immediately after I hang up the phone, Beau sneezes a freakin’ two-inch long stick out of his nose. Keep in mind his head is the size of a softball. He must have eaten it and it had gotten stuck in his sinuses. After sneezing it up, he just happily trotted away as if nothing happened.

20. Tommy-gutrot proves that cats are nasty monsters who will one day rise up and eat us.

Ate the guts out of another dead cat that was killed by a dog. It was winter so we left the dead cat on our porch in a wooden crate waiting for its owner to get home so we could bury it. Went outside and their other cat was eating the damn guts out of the cat! I lost a lot of respect for cats that day.

Border Collie has freakout of the decade after discovering the buzzer at a bowling alley.

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Border Collies are widely regarded as the smartest of dogs. I say that because it's not readily apparent from this video below. This 7-year-old Border Collie named Fant, who lives in Norway, just discovered the bowling lane buzzer, and he's thoroughly freaked out by it.

There is actually a lot of intelligence being displayed here: the buzzer takes a little while to reset (there's a little red light while it's in cool-down mode), and so it doesn't go off every time Fant sticks his nose in the lane. This confuses the living daylights out of the dog, who keeps trying to repeat the experiment to figure it out. 

Over the line, Collie! Am I the only one around here who gives a sh*t about the rules?!

For those of you who are unaware that bowling has rules besides "wait your turn" and "don't throw your ball in other people's lanes," you're not allowed to put your foot over the line where the lane begins. 

Anyone who has seen The Big Lebowski will know this rule from the iconic scene (below) where John Goodman pulls a gun on a "fragile" burnout named Smokey for doing exactly that. In order to avoid such conflicts, some bowling alleys install little lasers on the lane that make a buzzing sound if you commit a line violation. 

That's what's up.

(by Johnny McNulty)

People on Facebook got very upset at a history lesson on this word for white people.

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MTV uploaded this clip about the history of the word "Caucasian" from their program Decoded with Franchesca Ramsey to Facebook, and commenters had a completely civil discussion about it. Just kidding, they lost their minds. In case you can't watch the video, suffice it to say that the word Caucasian, which in the United States just means "White," refers specifically to people from the Caucasus Mountains to the east of the Black Sea. Southern Russia, Georgia, Azerbaijan, and eastern Turkey. 

The racist history behind the word "Caucasian."

Posted by MTV on Wednesday, April 27, 2016

How did this come to mean "all white Europeans"? Basically, some very unscientific scientists decided that the people there were the sexiest, and had the best skulls and therefore must be where Adam and Eve came from (seriously) and that Europeans were descended from them and everyone else was an evil, bestial corruption. This was the heyday of social Darwinism (aka scientific racism), and the slave-owning and later Jim-Crowing US was glad to incorporate these notions into the law, since it basically justified everything.

The final transformation came by via the Supreme Court, who informed an Indian man who wanted to immigrate to the US that he, despite the beliefs of contemporary experts, did not count as Caucasian because only white people were Caucasian. It's also worth noting that the term "Aryan" comes from Sanskrit texts about ancient Indians, so that idea was not unusual.

So, how did this rather dry history lesson go over in the comments? Badly. The implication that people in the past were racist (spoiler alert: people in the past were very racist. So, so, so racist. Even today's racists would be like "ok, buddy, calm down.") seemed to many people to be an anti-white crusade. Many people clearly didn't even watch the video.

Never mind that people during these time periods also thought that novels would melt women's fragile little brains or that the human body would fall apart if subjected to speeds over 30mph on a train—somehow calling 18th and 19th century folks ignorant is an insult to humans of today. 

And it goes on like that for thousands and thousands of responses. Well, at least historians of the future will have so, so much more to choose from when studying how stupid we were. If you're actually interested in the topic, though, you should check out The History Of White People. Trigger warning: it's written by a black woman.


Sportscaster fired for Prince-themed broadcast. This is what it sounds like when puns cry.

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Sports anchor Dan Philips announced on his Facebook page on April 29 that he had been sacked from WZTV news in Tennessee following his Prince-pun-filled broadcast. Granted, it's nowhere near as good as weather reporter Siam Welby's Batman vs Superman forecast or her Star Wars puns, but Philips definitely put a lot of work into coming up with this, and it seemed to come from a good place. Nevertheless, Philips wrote, "there were apparently some viewers, as well as management at the station, who did not feel the same way. They felt I was insensitive. And as a result, I was terminated today." What do you think? Was this a justified sacking, or is this a sign o' the way-too-sensitive times?

The 29 funniest reactions on social media to the White House Correspondents' Dinner

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Ah, the White House Correspondents' Dinner. Nerd Prom. AKA The Zing And I. Comedian Barack Obama and statesman Larry Wilmore joined forces Saturday night to crack up a room full of Washington stiffs, and the Internet served its customary function as peanut gallery. These are the 29 best reactions to the Correspondents' Dinner on social media!

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Flirting

Here's Obama's complete comedy routine from the 2016 White House Correspondents Dinner.

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After 8 years, President Obama's stint as Stand-Up Comedian in Chief has come to a close, and he finished out strong with a performance at the White House Correspondents' Dinner that no act would want to follow. Of course, Larry Wilmore did follow it, taking on the media (and really pissing off the media in the process). As funny as the online reaction was, this comedy set stands on its own. Not only was the routine at the podium solid, zinging Republicans and Democrats alike (neither Bernie nor Hillary was probably too happy), but the video segment, which in some years is a bit lame, was the best one of his presidency. Stay tuned from an amazing cameo from the man who used to be the most prominent Orange-American politician in America.

It's hard to imagine what next year's dinner will be like. Will Trump go full Don Rickles and just point at people and insult what they're wearing, or will Hillary drop jaws by doing a blue routine so explicit they have to move the broadcast from CSPAN to HBO? Only time will tell, but we're unlikely to have as funny a president for a while (to be fair, Sen. John McCain—the man Obama beat in '08—also has pretty good joke timing, so this would have been a high-water mark anyway). 

Here's Larry Wilmore's complete comedy routine from the 2016 White House Correspondents Dinner.

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Before walking onstage, Larry Wilmore got gently ribbed by the President, who described him as the black guy who replaced Jon Stewart, adding "you're the South African one, right?" If that seemed like a zinger at the beginning of the night, it looked like a gentle caress by the time Wilmore got off the stage after turning a comedic flamethrower on the media establishment in the audience. If President Obama's routine showed why we'd miss his comic timing next year, Wilmore's showed that while the media loves reporting on the media, they don't enjoy hearing it criticized in person. People online loved it, though. "Alleged journalist" Don Lemon flipped him off, MSNBC went silent with anger, and one of the jokes was just "Seriously, why is Wolf Blitzer still on the air?" Then, of course, there was the finale, which will give Fox & Friends a reason to act outraged until the end of the Obama Administration:

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