Who isn't a troll these days? These college students at an Australian university in Victoria certainly are. Their unwitting professor tried to get the class involved via an open poll that allowed everyone to submit their own written answers anonymously, and it went exactly how you'd expect. Apparently not everyone's learned the lesson of Boaty McBoatface quite yet.
Here are a few of the brilliant answers to the question "What factors/influences make an athlete great?" submitted by the leaders of tomorrow.
Chungus
Orgasm
Kevin Wu
kev wu
bush did 9/11
Ted Cruz is the zodiac killer
john cena
yolo
NADA LOVES PUSSY
nada loves pussy
Jon Snow is dead
JOOOHHHHNNNN CEEEENAAAAAAAAAA
being the very best like no one ever was
*smiling poop emoji*
No digital interaction goes by without melting down into a series of memes and general irreverence. When everyone's a troll, is it the sincere person who becomes the true troll?
Actors, especially when they’re young and hungry, will take any work they can get. But voice work isn’t something they seek out of desperation—it’s a nuanced performance that requires an actor to fully realize a character with their voice alone. And they love doing it, because they get paid without having to change out of their sweatpants. Here are some celebrities who did notable cartoon voices before they became household names.
1. Uncle Phil was Shredder.
James Avery is best known as Uncle Phil on The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, the gold standard of millennial nostalgia. And he was the voice of Shredder on the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon in the ‘80s.
2. Michael Cera was a Berenstain Bear.
Before he was the most moralistic member of the Bluth family on Arrested Development (relatively speaking), Cera was a child actor and played Brother, one of those moralistic, sanctimonious Berenstain Bears.
3. Vin Diesel was a large robot.
A strong, shiny-headed monosyllabic thing? Why, the title role in The Iron Giant is the role Vin Diesel was born to play.
4. Urkel was Sega's version of Mario.
The only thing more quintessentially ‘90s than Steve Urkel is Sonic the Hedgehog. Jaleel White had a piece of both. He was Urkel, and he voiced Sonic the Hedgehog in the TV cartoon.
5. America had Brad Garrettmania!
Hulk Hogan was far too busy defending American values, ripping his shirt, and planning future sex tapes to voice himself on Rock n’ Wrestling, the 1980s Saturday morning cartoon about Hulk Hogan, Junkyard Dog, and various other wrestlers. Naturally, they got young stand-up comedian and aspiring actor Brad Garrett to do it. People are always mixing up the Hulkster and the brother from Everybody Loves Raymond.
6. Haley Joel Osment sees people who have been turned into French anthropomorphic housewares.
11-year-old Haley Joel Osment was one of the youngest actors to ever receive an Oscar nomination, which he got for his role in The Sixth Sense. But two years earlier, he voiced Chip in Disney's straight-to-video Beauty and the Beast: the Enchanted Christmas.
7. Ferb, actually.
Speaking of child stars, the little kid who learned how to play the drums for a girl he liked in Love, Actually grew up to portray Jojen Reed on Game of Thrones (arguably the only thing as British as Love, Actually or the name “Thomas Brodie-Sangster”). In between, he voiced Ferb, the mostly quiet British one on the Disney Channel’s Phineas and Ferb.
8. Brian Stokes Mitchell had the right stuff.
In 1990, ABC aired a quickie New Kids on the Block cartoon on Saturday mornings to capitalize on that particular pop sensation. None of the New Kids could find the time to voice their characters, so ringers were hired. Among them was Broadway legend (and current costar of The Path) Brian Stokes Mitchell. He was Danny!
9. You may remember him from such TV shows as Dennis the Menace.
Phil Hartman came to acting relatively late in life. (Before that, he was a graphic designer.) In 1986, he landed a spot on Saturday Night Live, and he also started voicing Dennis the Menace’s ineffectual father and Dennis the Menace’s heart-attack-in-waiting neighbor Mr. Wilson on the Dennis the Menace cartoon.
10. Who ya gonna call? Some other guy.
The part of Winston in Ghostbusters was written for Eddie Murphy, but he backed out, the role was rewritten, and given to actor Ernie Hudson. When the TV adaptation The Real Ghostbusters aired in 1986, Hudson was forced to audition for the voiceover gig. He didn’t get it. Producers went with standup comedian and future talk show host Arsenio Hall, who, in real life, is Eddie Murphy’s best friend.
11. Patti Mayonnaise is in prison.
This one kind of goes the other way. You probably watched the first few episodes of Orange is the New Black and deeply recognized the voice of Yoga Jones, but just couldn’t place it. Then you got on IMDB and realized that Constance Shulman provided the voice of Patti Mayonnaise from Doug.
No one likes the "Star Wars" prequel films, except probably George Lucas, who presumably spends most of his time arguing in the comments section on negative YouTube videos about his movies. In honor of May the 4th, here are 9 real comments on the following YouTube video from people that are, in all likelihood, actually George Lucas.
2. That didn't work. So Gabgab16 Playz (obviously George Lucas) writes:
so I never really knew why everyone hates jar jar I actually really like him
Of course you like him, you wrote him you traitorous hound. You know.
3. George has had a couple glasses of wine and logs on as Gandalfwiz2007.
i think you fanboys hate the prequels way to much....
They're were your fanboys, George. They were.
4. Then George creates username Michael Martinez, his most clever disguise yet, and tries a more conciliatory approach.
the sinning of these movies shows how over hated they are. Jar Jar I get it, I don't like him either. But he's not even there for most of the movie and the other 2. Also stupid reasons like cgi. Cmon seriously, y is that even a complaint? These guys have too many complaints with these movies I mean there have been far worse.
NAME ONE.
5. Around the fifth re-watch, George starts to enter a deeper phase of denial, logging on as "Kamron Thurmond."
Have the makers of this YouTube channel ever just set out to enjoy a movie.
Come on, George.
6. Now he's just utterly and completely drunk. Posting under Sean Kirk:
Why do you want to ruin children's look I'm Star Wars so much and half of the things you say are not even true. Actually think about something before you post it.
Oh god, George.
7. And he's only getting drunker as he makes another account to threaten people. This time under the assumed name Victor Baxter.
+Paul Blunt Robo Cunt you should come down to the chill grill so I can kick your a** for your sh*t opinion. The phantom menace is the best movie ever.
Really digging in now.
8. He's in a fugue now and he's only getting more belligerent. Best pseudonym he can come up with at this point is "O Rod."
When are you going to do a EWW video about that piece of shit remake that J. J. Abrams made?
Oh Jesus, George, come on—everyone loved The Force Awakens. You know that. You must know that. Do you know that?
9. And finally, finally giving in to the undeniable truth—he tries to salvage anything he can. He writes, sadly, as Darth Venar:
If the movie has at least one thing positive about it then it is not a bad movie...at least not entirely
Aw, George. It's okay. You made three really great movies. That's three more than most disgruntled commenters. Now go rewatch The Force Awakens, it's so good.
On the Thursday before her senior prom, 17-year-old Skyler Davis of Ohio got a spray tan. She was happy with the result, and left feeling good. Ten minutes later, she looked like this:
The reason? A guy, of course. Typical. Well, okay, the real reason for this travesty is that Davis and her boyfriend had a minor disagreement, which made her tear up a bit. Only then did she realize—with horror—that the tears had cut through the new tan, leaving her looking pretty much exactly the opposite of how she wanted to look for prom.
Davis told BuzzFeed: "As soon as my tears started coming, I saw I had no tissues in my car and knew I was doomed. All of a sudden there were white streaks on my once-tan face. Looking in the mirror, I only began to cry more, and there was absolutely nothing I could do but let the tears roll down my face and completely ruin my spray tan."
A friend of Davis' told her she should tweet a picture of her botched spray tan. The picture in the since deleted tweet (Davis told BuzzFeed she'd "had enough fame" and didn't realize her picture would go viral) ended up on Imgur and Reddit, where it will live on forever and forever.
But all's well that ends well: Davis said the spray tan came off easily in the shower. Her boyfriend came over and they had a good laugh about it, she made an appointment to get re-spray tanned the next day, and attended her prom looking tan and happy.
Ladies, let this be a lesson to you—you know that thing people do in beauty pageants and on daytime talk show interviews where they fan their faces so the tears dry before falling? There's a reason for that.
People aren't letting gender roles stop them from donning the costumes of their favorite fictional characters—because it's 2016 and that's absolutely OK. So if you ever encounter a full grown man dressed as Princess Leia or, better yet, bikini-clad Princess Leia, don't be surprised. Instead, be transfixed by these 25 hilariously awesome dudes dressed as Princess Leia and May the Fourth Be With You!
1. Dad as Princess Leia and daughter as Han Solo. Perfection.
Hey, remember when Kim Kardashian posted this nude selfie on Twitter a couple months ago and everyone freaked out over it? Although the picture was posted back in March, it would seem that actress Chloe Grace Moretz is still is not over talking about it, even though everyone else totally is. As you may remember, Moretz started a feud when she called out Kardashian on Twitter, saying she was setting a bad example for young girls. In a recent interview with Glamour, Moretz somehow manages to have even more to say about all the drama. If you need a reminder of the now infamous photo in question, here it is.
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) March 7, 2016
So pretty much everyone and their pop-culture-informed mother had an opinion on the picture, from those who took the picture to be a celebration of loving yourself and your body, to those who interpreted the picture as a naked cry for attention. Moretz was one of the most vocal stars (right behind Queen of comedy Bette Midler) and did not shy away from telling the reality star that she felt her picture was sending the wrong message to young women.
@KimKardashian I truly hope you realize how important setting goals are for young women, teaching them we have so much more to offer than-
let's all welcome @ChloeGMoretz to twitter, since no one knows who she is. your nylon cover is cute boo
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) March 8, 2016
Anyways, since then she has pretty much never stopped defending what she said, and despite it being two months since the initial feud, she is still talking about it. In her interview forGlamour (she's cover girl for the month of June), she elaborates even more on the controversy.
I had just gotten off a plane from South Korea, I was incredibly jet-lagged, and I couldn't take one more thing. I saw that photo, and I had to say something.
Okay, cool. Looks like the whole thing has totally blown over and everyone is fine with—oh, wait. She has more to say. Okay.
That picture wasn't linked to body confidence. It wasn't a #BodyConfidence or #LoveWhoYouAre. It was done in a slightly voyeuristic light, which I felt was a little inappropriate for young women to see.
Alright, we got it. Now let's all just move on with—hold on. She is still not done.
I would hate for young women to feel they need to post certain photos in order to gain likes, retweets, favorites, and male attention ... I wasn't slut shaming. It's not about body shaming
Got it. And before she can finally let it all go, she had to comment on Kim's brutal response to her tweet, but Chloe claims she found it more funny than hurtful.
I started laughing. I was at dinner with my family [when] I got the notification [on my phone]. I look at it and I go, 'Oh my God. She responded.' My mom took the most offense to it because it was girl-on-girl hate and Kim didn't come back with an educated response on body confidence. It was aggressive, and also it was incorrect. I don't have 45 million followers or a TV show that follows my life. But people know who I am. I pride myself on having opinions, and I don't express them in snarky ways toward people.
Cool. Alright. Hopefully this feud can just be put behind everyone and we can all try to wipe the Kim Kardashian nude photo from our memories.
When people are in love (or in like), they tend to do stupid things, like think Green Day lyrics are romantic. Mashable uncovered a trove of such people, who took to Reddit to admit to the most cringeworthy stuff they've ever done for a crush.
A lot of these incidents happened in the childhood years, before people had ample opportunity to learn the difference between cute and creepy. Hopefully, in the time since these incidents occurred, these 17 Redditors have recovered from their moments of shame. Eh, probably not. These are pretty bad.
1. Mr_Nexxus might've had a better chance if he'd gone with the All-American Rejects.
In the eighth grade I printed out Green Day lyrics and wrote "I love you" on the end, then taped them all over her desk and chair.
Somehow, it didn't work out.
2. Mehdysphoria couldn't have fit it all on one page?
I wrote him an essay to confess my love to him. 7 pages worth of cringe.
She was already in the process of giving me the "thanks but no thanks", and in a bit of desperation I tried serenading her with some sweet No Doubt over the phone.
18 years later and we are happily married... to other people.
4. Hopefully by "little," this guy means five-years-old.
When I was little, I saw Ice Age and there is a scene where Diego wakes up and yawns and since he's a sabertooth, you see his huge awesome chompers.
So, my dumbass would sit in my chair, facing my crush and yawn with a giant open mouth, baring my teeth, hoping to woo in my fair lady. But alas, no luck.
In middle school I wrote a letter to a boy asking him to go see TMNT with me and my friends. I even had the boxes for him to check yes, no or maybe. He threw it away.
When I was 14 I made a fake website for a fake movie to prove to a girl I was starring in a movie.
EDIT: The movie was for a remake of The Thing since the game was popular at the time, the website was purposely vague and mostly just blue text (almost like a viral site) and no, it did not get me laid because she was a lot smarter than I was.
7. Norberthp's friend watched way too many movies growing up.
Not me but my friend had a crush on her neighbor who was playing basketball in the street with his friend. She put on a bikini, dragged a baby pool into her front yard, and took a soapy bath with her dog. The boys kept glancing at her and laughing
She was 13 and I remember watching it unfold from inside and cringing.
I bought red roses, got up early, went to her place and placed one rose on her doorstep, one on her windshield, one on her desk at work and one in her coffee cup.
She was a little creeped out.
9. NikitaVanBuren put in an unsettling amount of effort, for nothing.
I worked in the office at a construction company part time at 17. I'm a flirt anyway, but there was one young guy I actually had a crush on so I always thought he was flirting flirting with me. For his birthday I found a doll sized truck that looked exactly like his and baked him a cake shaped like a garage with the truck inside. Yes it was difficult and time consuming. "Wow this is amazing. My wife is gonna love it too and probably want to know how you did this." :/
Pro tip: Guys in hands-on vocations often don't wear wedding rings for fear they will have to be cut off in an accident.
10. It's like andiswearrrr was actually trying to make a terrible impression.
For the purposes of this post, my name is Mark. I saw a coin on the ground while talking to a girl, and decided to show off how "cool" I was in a humorous way.
"I don't know why everyone thinks I'm so cool at everything I do. Hey look, a penny!"
I picked up the coin and then started celebrating.
"Go Mark, go Mark, it's your birthday! It's your birthday!"
The humor being that I was oblivious to being cool at even the little things, like picking up coins. Fuck I was horrible.
11. Sounds like Manpancake might've been better off without this lady.
Bought her a piano...
It didn't work...
She kept the piano.
12. Wormish's ploy might've worked a few years earlier.
I was about 10-12 and spotted my crush playing on his bike outside my house, so I sat in my bedroom window with an assortment of cool things like my gameboy colour or my new furby, pretending to be really interested in these items so he would notice how cool I was...
16. It's safe to assume RockyFlintstone's master plan didn't work out.
Back in college - I made a mix tape for the BABY HE WAS HAVING WITH ANOTHER WOMAN.
17. Sure, stopfoulingjeff's story is a long read, but it's worth it for the imagery of jorts if nothing else.
posted this a year ago, but the question is too fitting.
When I was in 6th grade my parents talked me in to going to a week long church camp. I knew of, but didn't know personally any of the kids going, but they sold me that everyone would praise Jesus, ride horses, and have a good time. I decided to go. It was like a 6 hour drive in one of those big white vans. Quickly everyone started whipping out their CD cases and exchanging music and I instantly was like FUCK. I only had 2 CD's: Britney Spears "Baby One More Time" and Everclear. I was a really weird kid. Everyone was trying to talk to me about music and I had honestly never heard of any of the bands they were talking about. I just wanted to jam some Britney to myself. So naturally, I went the elitist route, said I had all of that music and I was listening to some new underground private shit they hadn't heard of.
Once we get to camp all I'm thinking is let's find some friends quick because I can't talk to these kids anymore. I go to the pool and make some friends with a few older kids. There were 3 girls, 2 guys, and me. They were all in 8th grade so obviously they were really cool. Plus, I thought the girls were really hot. I figured this would be the best time, if any, to get my first kiss. Their windshield wipers were turned up to the maximum with all the game 6th grade me was spitting. We decide to leave the pool and walk around the camp till we all had to have a group meet up. The "cabins" were separated by grades so they said they would walk by the 6th grade cabin and pick me up.
First thing I do is put on my freshest outfit. Great time to break out my fresh white T-shirt. Can't forget my jean shorts. This was pre faded denim, so this was the industrial bright blue jean shorts. It's summer in Texas so I might was well top the outfit off with knee high white socks. And, of course, for the bitches... Doc Martens. I looked like a weird redneck lumberjack. So I walk out and they're kind of like wtf, but whatever. It's kiss time. We start walking and one of the older guys farts and all the girls laugh. Boom. Found my in. My friend Travis and I have been making fart jokes for quite some time so i'm up to speed on this area of humor. Bam, the other guy farts and all the girls laugh even harder. Got em. Now I'm thinking all I have to do is drop the biggest fart and literally the girls are going to laugh so hard they're going to each kiss me one by one. I start clinching and squeezing my stomach as hard as I can. I'm walking like a newborn deer. Then I feel it. Got a big one ready. So, instead of just dropping it out and laughing I wanted to make a big show about it. I run in front of the small group, squat down, turn just my head around, and forcefully shit myself. This was all out diarrhea. If you didn't know this before, early 90's denim was the least forgiving fabric in the world. EVERYONE knew I shit. It's running down my leg, being soaked up by my knee high socks. Instantly, I just react and start running. Kicking up shit like mud off a truck. I've never been to this camp before so I'm just running for anything. I find a bathroom toss the socks, boxers, shirt, but I couldn't drop the jorts. I can't just walk across the CHURCH camp naked. Plus at this point i'm thinking maybe they didn't really see it. I was really confident in my speed at the time so I was thinking I could say that's my thing. I drop giant farts and run before the smell catches me. Come to find out, not only were the 5 people I shit in front of outside the bathroom waiting for me, but there were like 25 kids. Instantly, I just ran in my doc's and jorts combo back to the cabin I was staying in with the other kids chasing me and yelling "shit pants"
I run to my bed to find all the music nerds I drove up with going through my cd case. It only has the 2 cds. They are like wtf? Thought you had TONS OF SECRET MUSIC BRO. Wait, did you shit your pants? So yeah that was about 4 hours in to a week long trip. I really thought farting would impress these girls. I lost my favorite pair of jorts and pride that day.
That story is rough, but stopfoulingjeff ended up with one less pair of jorts, so there's a silver lining here after all.
Comedian Patton Oswalt opened up to People magazine in an interview Wednesday about his late wife, crime writer Michelle McNamara, who died unexpectedly on April 21. He reminisced about the night they first met, May 20, 2003: she'd seen him perform stand-up at Los Angeles club Largo and then commented about his love of Irish girls afterwards.
During my routine, I admitted to my weakness for Irish women, how they were my Kryptonite. And after the show she was walking out with the crowd and she touched my left arm and said, "Irish girls, nice!"
He went on to say that he was "so stunned by how beautiful she was" that he let her walk away. A friend of his had to urge him to go after her ("Go out and talk to her, dummy"), which he did. He got her phone number, they started dating ("It was love pretty much immediately for me. I think it took a few months for her."), and the rest is history.
They married in 2005, and had a daughter, Alice, who was born in 2009. Besides being a mom, McNamara was obsessed with cold case files, and had a website called True Crime Diary. She wrote about many cases, but was particularly interested in a serial killer she named the Golden State Killer, about whom she had been writing a book. Oswalt said of his relationship with McNamara, "She took a leap on my behalf for which I'm forever grateful."
Their kids, Jaden and Willow, plus Smith's oldest son, Trey, were also on hand at the event's Tuesday night taping to pay homage to their mother, People reported. Since Will is her husband and not her child, his own words for Jada were more related to romantic than motherly love, which makes sense. But Will still may have crossed a line.
Just watching the piece with the kids it just takes me back to when we made them. Can't help but think about that. It's just amazing. It's like you take Jada Pinkett Smith and an obscure town in Mexico and some tequila and you end up with great kids!
Willow and Jaden are chill teenagers (their half-brother Trey is a presumably chill adult), so they probably didn't care that Will shared with the world his secret to getting Jada to carry his children.
When Abby, previously known as "Mystery Girl," saw a hot guy in a Vikings jersey ("Vikings Fan") on the campus Snapchat Story, she snapped out to the community her interest in meeting him.
Vikings Fan, whose real name is Reed, responded to the cute stranger through the public Snapchat story.
It wasn't long before the whole campus was invested in their love story and Snapchat added a geofilter "HELP VIKING FAN FIND MYSTERY GIRL."
The shot aggregation of Snapchats from University of Wisconsin students has everything you could dream of in a romantic comedy: immediate attraction, obstacles, and two dorky, funny dudes providing commentary. Some guys even bought their own Vikings jerseys in hopes they could meet her, too.
It's like Sleepless in Seattle, but without the sad, deceased wife stuff. It's When Vikings Fan Met Mystery Girl.
New York Magazine's Select All blog caught up with the real Mystery Girl and Vikings Fan, Abby and Reed, through some Facebook stalking, and they elaborated on their tale.
They are both 22-year-old seniors at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Abby studies zoology and environmental studies, and Reed is a bio-engineering major planning on going to med school.
“I don’t regret what I snapped, because everybody is saying how bold and funny it was, but it definitely made me look a little desperate,” Abby told Select All “But I don’t care, because obviously now I’m here.”
Reed was working on a project when he got a text from a friend that said a girl had "called him out" on Snapchat.
“I was thinking some girl was throwing hate at the Vikings or something, and I went on there ready to fire right back,” Reed said.
There were even more obstacles to them meeting than showed in the 10-second viral increments. When Reed showed up to the campus bar they were supposed to meet, Abby had already left.
But they finally met and embraced.
Select All reports on their current relationship status:
After [they met], Reed “got her number and walked her home” and the two have spent “every day-ish together” since, though they explicitly told me they are “definitely not dating.” Activities have included watching “some stupid scary movie,” baking brownies, and attending a block party in downtown Madison.
When Abby told Reed to wear the now-famous jersey to a party "for shits and giggles," the two "were completely mobbed and had to leave."
Read the rest of the Behind-the-Snapstory over at Select All.
Us Weekly says that Jay Z is "working on an album telling his side of things." Jay-Z and the Queen are featured on the cover of Us Weekly (alongside Princess Charlotte), in what claims to be an "exclusive" insight into their marriage.
Beyoncé's album digs deep into Jay-Z's infidelity, and launched inquiries into who his mistress(es) might be (it's not Rita Ora or Katy Perry), and includes powerful, unsubtle lyrics like "Looking at my watch, he shoulda been home/Today I regret the night I put that ring on."
But in the album, Bey resolves to give Jay a second chance, saying, “This is your final warning / You know I give you life / If you try this s‑‑t again / You gon’ lose your wife.”
But just because Beyoncé forgives him doesn't mean the public is ready to. Let's see what he has to say for himself.
In a New York Times article that poses the question of whether Britney Spears is ready to take control of her life from her conservators, authors Serge Kovaleski and Joe Coscarelli answered the question many have wondered: how much money do you get for taking care of Britney Spears?
A photo posted by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on
Since 2008, Britney's personal and financial choices—including those as minute as buying Starbucks, which she does a lot—have been under the charge of her conservators. Alongside her lawyer Andrew Wallet, her dad Jamie is charged with the task of making sure the world doesn't get any more Britney circa 2007.
A photo posted by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on
Her conservators seem like they've been doing a good job: Britney's posting lots of hot Instagrams, plus sweets ones of her sons. In the fall, she signed a $35 million contract for a two-year extension to her Las Vegas show. All this ka-ching for Britney means ka-ching for her conservators.
A photo posted by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on
According to the Times, Jamie Spears snags about $130,000 annually, plus his office rent is comped. His salary gets a bump of 1.5 percent of the revenue from his daughter's Las Vegas residency, which clearly makes a ton of cash. Like Brit-Brit, her dad's bills are also recorded.
In total, Britney's conservatorship has cost her about $8.9 million, which is equivalent to the number of times you've hummed a Britney Spears song in your head.
May 4. May the Fourth. May the Fourth be with you! Star Wars Day! And the day that all your friends either make "May the Fourth" jokes or make fun of people making "May the Fourth" jokes. It's a battlefield. Be careful out there in Jokeland today, folks. Here are 20 (5 times 4! May 4! Get it? STAR WARS DAY!) tweets about May the Fourth. And don't worry, soon May the Fourth be over.
1.
I for one am excited it's Star Wars day. If there's one thing we don't talk about enough lately it's Star Wars.
As you may have heard, Independence Day: Resurgence is the sequel to the 1996 blockbuster Independence Day, and takes place 20 years after the original. Instead of yet another trailer, Fox created this fake documentary/propaganda film honoring the 20th anniversary of "The War of 1996."
The five-minute "history lesson" honors President Whitmore (Bill Pullman), but makes it clear he's become a recluse. David Levinson (Jeff Goldblum), however, has become a superstar after uploading a Mac virus to the alien mothership. Overall, it's hilariously upbeat and patriotic (planetariotic?), almost reminiscent of the satirical propaganda films in Paul Verhoeven's Starship Troopers.
One thing's for certain, though: more promo videos like this would be great.
Less than 24 hours after Ted Cruz dropped out of the presidential race, his sort-of rival John Kasich is doing the same. With these two titans out of the way, no one is left to prevent Donald Trump from becoming the Republican nominee. Take a moment to think about that, and hug any loved ones in the room with you.
Of course, comedians on Twitter wasted no time in making light of the news. Here are the funniest jokes they made while trying not to weep:
1.
Breaking: John Kasich drops out of the GOP race to spend more time with family-style dining establishments.
Usually Jimmy Kimmel has celebrities on his show to read mean tweets written about them, but on Tuesday night, it was Kimmel's turn to face the judgmental comments. Earlier this week, Kimmel made a hilarious video assuring idiots everywhere that climate change is, in fact, a very real threat. However, not even cold hard facts, NASA, or 97% of scientists could convince these people that global warming is not just some big prank. Here's the original segment:
These "climate change deniers," fronted by national laughingstock Sarah Palin, let Kimmel know what they thought of the segment on Facebook and YouTube. As you can see, their arguments are as thin as our ozone layer is becoming:
It would be dumb to assume that the same people who believe they know better than NASA would question if they should call out a comedian with a television show, but hopefully they know better now that their ignorance was broadcast to millions.
Light years before he starred in Wedding Crashers, Pulp Fiction, and The Deer Hunter, legendary actor Christopher Walken once worked in the circus as a lion tamer. Apparently, he was 16 at the time and would perform with a lioness named Sheba. “She'd come and bump your leg. Like a house cat,” Walken told Indiewire. Like a house cat? The man is a badass.
Not to mention, he was pretty dang attractive.
And of course, this article would be incomplete without Walken's speech about lions in Poolhall Junkies.
The Minneapolis Star-Tribune reported Wednesday that Prince was supposed to meet with an opioid addiction doctor on the day after he died. According to attorney William Mauzy, the singer had called Dr. Howard Kornfeld (Mauzy's client), a prominent addiction treatment specialist, on April 20 to help him deal with "a grave medical emergency.” Prince scheduled an appointment with the doctor at his Paisley Park estate for April 22, which was one day after he was found dead.
Speaking on behalf of Kornfeld, Mauzy said, "The plan was to quickly evaluate his health and devise a treatment plan. . . The doctor was planning on a lifesaving mission." Kornfeld runs a treatment center in California and wasn't able to meet with Prince on April 21, so they set up an appointment for the following day.
In the meantime, Kornfeld sent his son, Andrew Kornfeld, who works with him, to Paisley Park in Minnesota, on April 21 so he could explain to Prince the plans for his treatment. But when Andrew arrived at the musician's estate at 9:30 on Thursday, he, along with two of Prince's representatives, discovered Prince's body in an elevator. Andrew Kornfeld was the one who called 911.
Six days before he died, the singer's private plane was forced to make an emergency landing because, according to authorities, he was overdosing on opioids. At the airport, Prince’s bodyguard carried him from the plane to the paramedics, who gave him a shot of the opioid antidote Narcan. Results of the autopsy are still pending, but it's widely thought that Prince's death was due to a painkiller overdose.