I wish an hour with you lasted as long as an hour at my job.

April 7, 2014, 5:01 am

≫ Next: Internet Slang As Interpreted By Your Parents

≪ Previous: Thank you for managing to eat dinner without posting pictures of it on Instagram.

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Internet Slang As Interpreted By Your Parents

April 7, 2014, 7:30 am

≫ Next: Considering the amount I pay for health insurance now, I’d try to make money off meeting the President too.

≪ Previous: I wish an hour with you lasted as long as an hour at my job.

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Considering the amount I pay for health insurance now, I’d try to make money off meeting the President too.

April 7, 2014, 8:38 am

≫ Next: For someone who jogs all the time, I still have the ability to make it look like it's the first time I've ever tried.

≪ Previous: Internet Slang As Interpreted By Your Parents

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For someone who jogs all the time, I still have the ability to make it look like it's the first time I've ever tried.

April 7, 2014, 9:02 am

≫ Next: Your decision to get married proves you're not ready to make important decisions like whether to get married.

≪ Previous: Considering the amount I pay for health insurance now, I’d try to make money off meeting the President too.

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Your decision to get married proves you're not ready to make important decisions like whether to get married.

April 7, 2014, 9:20 am

≫ Next: If People Reacted Honestly To Facebook Invitations

≪ Previous: For someone who jogs all the time, I still have the ability to make it look like it's the first time I've ever tried.

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If People Reacted Honestly To Facebook Invitations

April 7, 2014, 9:52 am

≫ Next: I wish there were a Game of Thrones character who violently murdered people who posted Game of Thrones spoilers.

≪ Previous: Your decision to get married proves you're not ready to make important decisions like whether to get married.

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I wish there were a Game of Thrones character who violently murdered people who posted Game of Thrones spoilers.

April 7, 2014, 9:55 am

≫ Next: Thanks for giving me a job at your wedding I can perform while drunk.

≪ Previous: If People Reacted Honestly To Facebook Invitations

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Thanks for giving me a job at your wedding I can perform while drunk.

April 7, 2014, 10:21 am

≫ Next: Here's hoping the wedding gifts you receive are even remotely worth the agonizing process of writing thank you notes for all of them.

≪ Previous: I wish there were a Game of Thrones character who violently murdered people who posted Game of Thrones spoilers.

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Here's hoping the wedding gifts you receive are even remotely worth the agonizing process of writing thank you notes for all of them.

April 7, 2014, 10:40 am

≫ Next: I'm not overly sensitive but I'm also not above crying to get what I want.

≪ Previous: Thanks for giving me a job at your wedding I can perform while drunk.

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I'm not overly sensitive but I'm also not above crying to get what I want.

April 7, 2014, 11:54 am

≫ Next: I would be honored to pretend to be honored to be in your wedding party.

≪ Previous: Here's hoping the wedding gifts you receive are even remotely worth the agonizing process of writing thank you notes for all of them.

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I would be honored to pretend to be honored to be in your wedding party.

April 7, 2014, 12:19 pm

≫ Next: My vibrator and I got back together.

≪ Previous: I'm not overly sensitive but I'm also not above crying to get what I want.

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My vibrator and I got back together.

April 7, 2014, 4:41 pm

≫ Next: I'm way better at multitasking than I am at ever finishing anything.

≪ Previous: I would be honored to pretend to be honored to be in your wedding party.

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I'm way better at multitasking than I am at ever finishing anything.

April 8, 2014, 5:01 am

≫ Next: The first sure sign it's spring is stepping in a thawed out pile of dog crap.

≪ Previous: My vibrator and I got back together.

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The first sure sign it's spring is stepping in a thawed out pile of dog crap.

April 8, 2014, 7:30 am

≫ Next: My lady parts and I are primping for our date.

≪ Previous: I'm way better at multitasking than I am at ever finishing anything.

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My lady parts and I are primping for our date.

April 8, 2014, 7:59 am

≫ Next: I'm glad I only have to pay taxes on what I make and not what I tell everyone I make.

≪ Previous: The first sure sign it's spring is stepping in a thawed out pile of dog crap.

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I'm glad I only have to pay taxes on what I make and not what I tell everyone I make.

April 8, 2014, 8:35 am

≫ Next: Sorry the rain is making it harder to justify tipping poorly on your Seamless order.

≪ Previous: My lady parts and I are primping for our date.

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Sorry the rain is making it harder to justify tipping poorly on your Seamless order.

April 8, 2014, 8:48 am

≫ Next: I wish Facebook had privacy settings for people's thoughts.

≪ Previous: I'm glad I only have to pay taxes on what I make and not what I tell everyone I make.

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I wish Facebook had privacy settings for people's thoughts.

April 8, 2014, 9:34 am

≫ Next: Just a reminder that you still have plenty of time to do your taxes at the last minute.

≪ Previous: Sorry the rain is making it harder to justify tipping poorly on your Seamless order.

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Just a reminder that you still have plenty of time to do your taxes at the last minute.

April 8, 2014, 10:13 am

≫ Next: The right time to have kids is when you've run out of shows to watch on Netflix.

≪ Previous: I wish Facebook had privacy settings for people's thoughts.

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The right time to have kids is when you've run out of shows to watch on Netflix.

April 8, 2014, 11:20 am

≫ Next: I wish I was as skinny as I was back when I thought I was fat.

≪ Previous: Just a reminder that you still have plenty of time to do your taxes at the last minute.

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