Kids are basically just small humans who have their priorities straight. For example, the girl in the video below, Farrah, cares about dancing and naps. So if "Uptown Funk" comes on the radio, she's going to try to do both.
Farrah's mom, Jennifer Loren, posted the video to YouTube with the note "My daughter Farrah LOVES 'Uptown Funk' and dances every time I play it for her. This was her on Mother's Day when she was trying to avoid falling asleep in the car. Lol!" Well, good job, Farrah. As you'll learn when you get older, there's no better Mother's Day gift than going viral.
On Snapchat, Williams explained how her dog Chip is very forgetful (oh, Chip) and left his dog food at home, so Chip got to dine off the hotel menu. Williams was entranced by the offerings and decided to sample a bite. Witness Williams as she slowly descends into the horrible aftermath that occurs after eating dog food:
To be fair, Williams had some good points in favor of eating the dog food: the packaging, the expensive price. "I ordered him the Salmon and rice, because I thought, "I like salmon."" Yeah, that makes sense.
Thinking that this looks good is a bit more difficult to follow:
That looks like Chip has already digested it.
"I mean, it did taste weird, I force-swallowed it." Oh, Serena, why did you do that to yourself? "I really don't feel so good," she said. That much is obvious from her devolving appearance. By the end of this video, Serena doesn't look like she's about to go win Wimbledon or whatever.
The face of someone who's eaten dog food. Don't let this be you.
"I need a life," Serena said at the end of the video.
Euro 28.00 = $31.88, so better advice would be "IF YOU ARE HUMAN - DO NOT BUY"
Uh, if Serena Williams doesn't have a life, does anybody? Aside from Chip.
Researchers from Ohio State University found that acetaminophen, a common ingredient used in popular pain relief medications like Tylenol, may be making you less empathetic towards other people's pain, in addition to dulling your own.
"I can't imagine the pain you're feeling, and I don't want to either so please STFU and let me enjoy this bench."
In comparison to participants who didn't take the drug, participants in the study who consumed acetaminophen believed individuals experienced significantly lesser degrees of pain when they were told about the physical and social misfortunes of others.
Baldwin Way, an assistant professor of psychology and the senior author of this study, explains why sympathizing with crybabies complaining about their problems is in fact important.
We don’t know why acetaminophen is having these effects, but it is concerning.
Empathy is important. If you are having an argument with your spouse and you just took acetaminophen, this research suggests you might be less understanding of what you did to hurt your spouse’s feelings.
The Consumer Health Products Association (CHPA) alleges that over 600 medicines use acetaminophen, and that each week around 23% of all Americans consume a medication containing the ingredient. The details of the experiments used in this study show how a lack of empathy can be pretty disturbing.
In one experiment, all participants were given eight short scenarios where someone suffered physically or emotionally. The scenarios included "a person who suffered a knife cut that went down to the bone" and "a person experiencing the death of his father." Participants who ingested acetaminophen rated the suffering of these people as notably less severe than those who didn't ingest the drug.
"We need an ambulance! This shriveled wimp can't suck it up and deal with his boo-boos!"
Another related study on acetaminophen by Baldwin Way also saw that it "blunts positive emotions like joy," meaning you can't revel in the pain of your enemies as the Tylenol relieves your own suffering.
If you're the type to pop Tylenol like candy for all those inner and outer aches, it may be time for you to start seeking alternative sources of pain relief.
Someecards is not in any way endorsing illegal drug use, just pointing you towards a very fun music video.
This poor dude. In a video called "Scaring Justin" posted on YouTube on Tuesday, Justin's college roommate showcases his love of scaring him constantly. And it's hard to feel too bad for him, because watching him get startled is probably the funniest thing you will see all day. In this video, he gets the shit scared out of him 43 times in just over 2 minutes. So you've gotta think it happens pretty often.
Any true lover of pranks will tell you—pranks get funnier the longer you do them. Then, of course, you get to a stage where the prank is no longer funny, and people want to punch you in the face. But if you just push through that, commit to it, and keep going, it always gets funny again. For you, anyway.
For what it's worth, Justin (and all you other easily startled people out there) can take solace in the fact that one of the signs someone is a sociopath is that they have no startle response—meaning the fact that Justin's as easily startled as a little kitten just means he's probably a really compassionate, empathetic person. Which is most likely why he hasn't poisoned his roommate.
Drake is doing double-duty on SNL this Saturday, both starring in sketches and singing out his Views. Cast member and Ghostbuster Leslie Jones is making sure Drizzy is a good boy, keeping her hands on him at all time.
SNL is gifting the people with 90 minutes of Drizzy as a means of making up for the fact that the last time a Drake song was on the show, it was in the form of Donald Trump.
According to TMZ, the two had an "acrimonious" breakup right before the Met Gala on May 2, which is sucky timing. The Met Gala should be fun, not a multi-hour event of internal seething and avoiding your ex.
Kylie was apparently less than pleased that Tyga showed up to the Met Gala following their split—she felt he was only invited because of her. Sort of like how you only know his name because of Kylie.
From the sounds of it, 26-year-old Tyga is already over the person who made him relatively famous. TMZ said that for Mother's Day, Tyga took his mom—and a lady friend—out to brunch. Scandal.
A photo posted by Tyga / T-Raww (@kinggoldchains) on
Tyga and Jenner have been together (except for a fall 2015 breakup) since mid-2014 when Kylie was a fresh-lipped 17-year-old. They apparently first met in 2011, when Tyga performed at Kendall's sweet sixteen.
There are no rumors yet as to why the couple broke up—nor is there any official confirmation from either party. Of course, eager spectators will likely be pointing the finger towards Blac Chya. Because drama, and Tyga's ex-fiancée/baby momma is becoming Mrs. Rob Kardashian.
The end of the Tyga-Kylie era is disappointing because it means there will be no half-siblings/cousins to Rob and Blac Chyna's baby to make the Kardashian-Jenner lineage even more confusing.
Last week Justin Timberlake graciously bestowed upon the world his first new song in three years, "Can't Stop the Feeling," from his upcoming Dreamworks movie, Trolls, which features both his and Anna Kendrick's voices. Wednesday at Cannes, the pair (billing themselves as Anna & Garfunkel) covered Cyndi Lauper's 1986 hit "True Colors" in front of an audience and a hashtag.
Ol' JT is pushing the hell out of this movie, but that's not surprising—he's the executive music producer for the film, and also he just seems like a super enthusiastic guy. The soundtrack will feature new material written and performed by Timberlake, and since singer and former Voice judge Gwen Stefani is in the movie, maybe her, too.
If you're in the mood for something a little more hilarious but equally charming, here's the original 1986 video for "True Colors":
Now why couldn't JTim and AKen have reenacted that masterpiece?
Doctors and nurses have seen it all, treating the ills of the human body and popping cysts in all their gory glory. The stuff patients want the doctors and nurses to see is pretty gross. But the even grosser stuff happens when medical professionals walk in on their patients by accident. Now, they've taken to Reddit to share their strangest examples. You have been warned: some of these stories are super graphic.
They've seen some shit.
1. The exhibitionist masturbator.
Had a guy in his late teens/early 20's constantly masturbating. Everyone walked in on it. It was on a floor where the patients were separated by curtains too. Looking back, I think he was an exhibitionist and he was making us all subjects to his masturbatory fodder, so that was fun.
Woman giving her husband a blowjob. Except that she was the patient in the burn unit, admitted after a flash fire from pouring lighter fluid on her barbecue. All the hair on her face was singed off, her face was super swollen and red, and we had caked on antibiotic ointment all over her face to treat her burns. Talk about sloppy head.
Worked Labor and Delivery one night. This younger (about 16-17) girl was in labor and had pregnancy induced hypertension. She was in the room with her boyfriend when we heard him scream. We ran in there to find her giving him a blow job, which isn't all that unusual in hospitals. But see here's the thing, if blood pressure gets high enough, people will have seizures. And when people have seizures, they tend to bite down very hard. We had to basically pry this girls mouth away from his penis.
Im not a doctor but a few years ago I went to visit a friend in hospital when I walked into the wrong room and witnessed a patient peeing into their own mouth. I was so shocked I just slowly took a few steps back and quietly left his room. EDIT: Male, I would say his age was around 18/19 from my quick glance and turn
Patient in the process of falling out of bed trying to reach a box of doughnuts and some fried chicken she had hidden under her bed. I think she also soiled herself when she hit the ground but I can't remember.
You would be very surprised at how much old person fucking is going on. Most of the time it's when a man is in the hospital and his wife comes to visit him.
They just climb right into those beds and get freaky. God bless the horny geriatric bastards.
First internship in a geriatric ward. Me and a fellow student walk into a patient's room, who is screaming like crazy. He was known for having serious dementia. We open the door and my student-colleague gets a warm handfull of shit thrown right in his face.
Needless to say I was quite surprised, but happy I missed the brown rocket.
Not a doctor or nurse but I am a police officer, we were going to calls at a hospital for a dispute, waking through the halls of the hospital I heard someone yell "officer help help" I walked into the room that the yelling came from and there was a little bald fat man masturbating violently and just looking deeply into my eyes snickering. He tricked me
International Nurse's Day is May 12, and it's a day that the usually under-appreciated legion of nurses really deserve (even if most people ignore it and thank their doctor instead). Here are 11 stories culledfromvariousRedditthreads from nurses who do crucial, grueling work—and somehow manage to keep laughing despite the bodily fluids.
The plastered on smile of someone who has clearly been working all night.
1. Xplodingboy07 has probably the greatest medical story of all time.
This is actually pretty funny.
I was doing nursing clinicals at a small hospital that used the same type of telemetry throughout the entire building. Occasionally patients would be put on some other equipment if they had specific needs. The standard telemetry would not make any sounds in a patients room, but some of the other options that were used did.
So this one morning I am walking down the hall and I hear "Beep, beep, beep, beep" going super fast like 160BPM coming from a patients room. A moment later I heard it start to slow down "beep... beep... beep... ... ...beep" then it just stopped. I ran into the room expecting to call a code when I saw the patient watching The Price is Right with the volume cranked and someone just spun that fucking wheel.
That fucking wheel, pictured.
2. You may think you've seen it all. This nurse heard it all—all at once—from a patient on anesthesia:
Luckily, nurses and doctors don't judge you when you say crazy stuff on anesthesia. They just post it straight to Reddit.
4. Welcome to the grossest poop story on this website.
Is this only a problem this lady has while in the hospital? Or is she used to scooping the poop out of her butt, and just wasn't capable of it in this moment?
Now who's hungry?!
5. You gotta hope some anesthesia was involved in the mix-up witnessed by Kateintampa.
6. This nurse deserves their own holiday, just for them.
One fateful Tuesday I was covering a surgical clinic. I excused myself from a patient's room to fetch some extra dressing supplies, and as I knocked and cracked the door to come back in, the overwhelming smell of feces hit me. Turns out the patient took this opportunity to poop in the sink - which is not exactly that low to the ground - and I caught him mid-defecation. Poor guy looked guilty as hell. Many WTFs were had, and we had to brown-out that room for the rest of the day.
On the inpatient side, we frequently catch people masturbating in a corner, and for the rest of the admission we call them "spiderman."
Two out of six stories have been about feces so far. Is that more or less than you expected?
7. Depending on the circumstances, impossible_planet's story is actually kind of sad. But you're an adult. You can handle it.
"What do you think of this?"
8. Warning: this story from yust is graphic, bloody, and about a penis.
This actually happens a lot, but confused patients like to rip their Foley (urinary) Catheters out with the tip inflated. It's about the size of a big grape, and come the entire way from the bladder down and out their penis/urethra.
They then get up, and walk over to you confused dripping blood every where to tell you that their penis hurts.
When I say happens a lot, if you're on a team with a lot of elderly/alcoholic/demented/psychiatric patients, its about once a month event.
I've seen it before in A&E so it qualifies for this thread.
Edit: when I say dripping blood, I mean they leave pools of blood across the ward floor.
9. An ER nurse named SnicketySnatch reveals that nurses are compassionate, but also need to amuse themselves, sometimes at a patient's expense.
Actual ER nurse here. A little late to the game, but I thought I'd share a few of my favorites.
...
I also had a confused man rip off his colostomy bag full of liquid shit and throw it in my direction like a live grenade.
We have a regular psych patient who is only cooperative and happy while singing "Shine Bright Like a Diamond".. As a cruel joke on fellow co-workers, we would walk by and start singing to him so he would finish the entire song, loudly of course, while his nurse gave you the ol' "I'm going to kill you" glare from beside the bed.
Everyday is a new adventure.
This song deserves a shady look no matter the context.
10. Another depraved story, this one from MusicSoulZ, whose mother is a nurse.
11. And EyeFactUreMama has a tale that turns out well for the baby.
George Zimmerman is reportedly auctioning off the gun he used to kill Trayvon Martin. Just when you were starting to think maybe George Zimmerman wasn't the embodiment of evil incarnate.
He's been called every name except for "savvy salesman."
Zimmerman was infamously acquitted of second-degree murder and manslaughter four years ago under Florida's "Stand Your Ground" law. Since then, he occasionally manages to make it into headlines for things like selling his paintings of the Confederate flag and retweeting pictures of Travyon's body. So selling the gun that sparked national outrage seems right in line with something Zimmerman would do.
He posted the ad on a gun auction website, according to CNN, with the following description:
I am honored and humbled to announce the sale of an American firearm icon. The firearm for sale is the firearm that was used to defend my life and end the brutal attack from Trayvon Martin on 2/26/2012.
The bidding starts at $5,000, and Zimmerman also said in the listing that he plans to use the proceeds to “fight [Black Lives Matter] violence against Law Enforcement officers” and to “ensure the demise of Angela Corey’s persecution career and Hillary Clinton’s anti-firearm rhetoric." (Corey is State Attorney in Florida's Fourth Judicial Circuit Court).
Many are disgusted by his auction, and several think he'd be a good fit somewhere in a future Trump administration:
Call me when George Zimmerman auctions off the gun he used to kill himself.
If the gun sells, chances are the buyer will either want to preserve or destroy it. Either way, the Internet and its many, many commenters will be waiting to react to the sale.
On Tuesday night, Kylie Jenner posted a series of Snapchats investigating her mother's house (snacks galore!) and her identity. If those two activities seems like an odd mix, it's because they are.
Kylie Jenner was feeling a bit under the weather while Snapping, and she recently broke up with Tyga. Plus, contrary to what photos of her suggest she is 18, not 35. So give Kylie a break, maybe? K, let's dive into Kylie's Snapchat.
Kylie wasn't impressed with her mom's fridge, so she had a friend order her soup. Why couldn't Kylie do it herself? Well, she was busy using her phone for starters. And she hates talking on the phone like any good millennial.
If you can believe it, those Snaps are just the tip of the iceberg from Kylie's Snapfest. There's a whole eight minutes! The most important points happen at 3:00, when Kylie looks at her mom's amazing frozen yogurt machine, and 5:03 when Kylie gets real.
"I never really like to show people my personality, or all of me. Cuz, I dunno. Kylie Jenner is who you see on Instagram, but I am not Kylie Jenner. I don't know who Kylie Jenner is."
This is deeper than that time Kylie said 2016 was the year of "realizing stuff." Props to Kylie, though, for overcoming stuff to talk about stuff that's different from the stuff she's usually talking about.
The Disney Channel movie High School Musical premiered over ten years ago, and launched a then scrawny, shaggy-haired Zac Efron into stardom. Since 2006, Efron has (thankfully) gotten a haircut and grown some abs, and he's now a far cry from the young boy who portrayed Troy Bolton, the star basketball player with a song in his heart and a secret desire to audition for the school musical.
Well, it would seem that Bolton Efron has not forgotten his roots, since he recently uploaded this picture of himself and Anna Kendrick on the set of their new movie Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates along with a caption that may be his way of paying homage to his Disney Channel days.
Twirl,dip & look dead into camera? Anna nailed it- I didn't have my head in the game :)#mikeanddaveneedweddingdates
"I didn't have my head in the game"...? Zac—are you referencing the infuriatingly catchy song "Getcha Head in the Game" from High School Musical, where Troy struggles to take his mind off auditioning for the school's musical while at basketball practice?
You know, the one featuring some complex basketball-ography and a small army of high school dudes chanting "Getcha getcha getcha getcha head in the game!"
See? Basketball-ography.
Whether or not Efron posted HSM-themed caption to make High School Musical fans (there are still High School Musical fans, right?) go crazy or just because it is a totally normal expression that people use, the Internet freaked out like he had turned the clock back to 2006.
Now, obviously people will complain that there is really nothing to report here, and that Zac Efron's Instagram caption is not "news." Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but true fans know—once a wildcat, always a wildcat.
Father Michael Reilly, priest and principal of a Staten Island Catholic high school, is being sued by three former employees for creating a hostile work environment. SNL's Pete Davidson happened to go to St. Joseph by-the-Sea High School and confirmed that Father Reilly is indeed a hostile a-hole.
Women were “b----es” or “tw-ts,” gays were “f-gs,” certain teachers were “d---heads” to the coarse man of the cloth. Father Michael Reilly once even threatened to boot a black man “back to the jungle,” and to kick a cancer patient “to the f---ing curb.”
Everything he said was consistently crude, making him the Donald Trump of priests.
In addition to the abusive language, the lawsuit alleges that Father Reilly deliberately targeted Roman Catholic employees, and got away with it because he was backed by the Archdiocese. Damn.
Davidson Instagrammed a photo of Father Reilly in the newspaper, commenting on the suit.
"I went to this high school,” Davidson wrote, “and I’m glad something is finally being done about Father Reilly. He is an absolute monster and has ruined that high school. He should have been fired years ago. F*ck this dude. He’s an epic piece of sh*t and an ultimate jerk off."
There are a lot of little things that can go wrong at a wedding, like seating arrangement snafus or the groom's lover showing up. That happened, and it was a total shit show. Listen closely to hear a mystery woman reference "the other night" in front of a whole crowd of people watching a groom and bride moments away from making a major life commitment. For all the "oohs" and gasps, you don't need to listen too closely at all.
The woman most audible in this video sounded like she was seeing an amazing new invention that was going to cure cancer, solve world peace, and make calories no longer count. Lady was enjoying the scene. Other people, not so much.
Amazingly, the bride didn't immediately pull a Julia Roberts and bolt right of there. According to the video's original poster, the lover was removed from the wedding and everything went as planned, give or take some bad vibes.
This was not budgeted into the wedding.
What's the protocol for a situation like this? The woman filming offers one method: be entertained AF. A couple other people suggest that hushing up the side chick is the way to go. There's no set standard here and this is certainly not a situation Emily Post (a famous etiquette writer, you plebeians) wrote about.
If that clip didn't have enough pay-off for you, enjoy this more cathartic clip from Cheaters, in which a woman confronts her boyfriend at his wedding and host Joey Greco is chill about the whole thing.
Silver lining: the bride and the girlfriend bonded.
Calvin Klein has never been known for having tame ads, which either makes it unsurprising or surprising that people are reacting poorly to a new image featuring modelKlara Kristin. The photo, taken from below, looks upwards under Kristin's skirt at her undies. It's an upskirt photo—you know, the kind perverts enjoy?
Calvin Klein is trying to sell underwear, so it makes sense they're all about putting the goods front and center. But when did people start thinking upskirt pics with fittingly creepy lighting were cool? What youthful trend is this a part of and how can it be stopped?
The upcoming movie "X-Men: Apocalypse" stars Jennifer Lawrence reprising her role as Mystique, and introduces Sophie Turner, playing the role of getting a "c*nt punch" from Jennifer Lawrence. And also she's the character Jean Grey.
Actually, the vagina punch wasn't even onscreen, but more of an extracurricular event. As Turner explained to Just Jared (a pop culture website, not a Jared Fogle fan fiction conglomerate):
Yeah! She punched me in the vagina once. I didn’t ask her to either.
What?
An important clarification. This vagina-punch was non-consensual. But also a misunderstanding.
It just happened. Evan [Peters] and I were having a fake fight and I said something like, “I’ll c-nt punch you” or “I’ll punch you in the crotch” and then Jen thought that I said, “Please c-nt punch me Jen.”
J. Law hears that request lot, but she only obliges if she really likes you.
So she punched me in the vagina and I was like, “Awesome.” It was pretty funny.
And so it was.
And then they went on to make a movie that The Verge would say "has a bad case of Batman v Superman disease."
Missouri-based photographer Joshua Hoffine is definitely an unconventional (read: grisly) parent. Playtime usually involves Hoffine capturing horrifyingly surreal photos of his young daughters. So whether it's a photo depicting a zombie woman cradling his precious baby girl or Lucifer himself clawing his way out from the depths of hell to surprise his sleepy kid, Hoffine embraces the nightmares of children in his series, called "After Dark My Sweet."
"SWARM"
"SNAKE"
"WOLF"
"GASMASK CHILD"
"CLOSET"
"DEVIL"
Normally, parents will find all sorts of innocent, joyful, and creative distractions to amuse their children. But Hoffine is definitely neither innocent or joyful—he sure is creative, though. He would just rather spend recreation with his offspring in more thrilling situations. In more "yer gonna wet your pants, kid" kind of situations. Honestly, aren't those the best kinds?
“They loved it,” Hoffine told BoredPanda. “It was like a giant game of dress-up for them.”
Guess that's one hell of a way to get your kids to conquer their fears. And if you approve of his unconventional methods, you can own all of these menacing images in his book, which he's currently funding on Kickstarter.
