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May IRS auditors pass over your questionable tax return this Passover.


I spend more time getting ready for my waxer than my boyfriend.

I want to book a trip to the part of your body US Airways tweeted.

An easy way to make a salad taste better is to add nuts, fruit, or an entire Chipotle burrito.

Sorry a toy plane made you feel inadequate.

Watching the moon is nowhere near the most pathetic reason I've stayed up until 3am on a Monday.

The Craigslist Post You Didn't Want To Find After Seeing That US Airways Tweet

10 Painfully Accurate Dating Red Flags


I'd love to cook you the one thing I've learned how to make without ruining.

I get all my recipes from the Food Network and all my food from Seamless.

I value the opinions that you keep to yourself.

If you need someone to stand around and not contribute, you can count on me.

After knowing me for so long I'm still shocked you're shocked by my behavior.

Sorry the only guy you've seen naked this year is Jesus on a crucifix.

I hope the US Airways tweet has given you creative ideas on hiding Easter eggs this year.


Today's the last day of you not giving up what you pretended you would for Lent.

Sorry you have to dress for all four seasons at once.

One great way to make your wedding planning way less stressful is to break up.

14 Of The Most Important Things Ever Written As An Animated Text Gif

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someecards.com - It's not a walk of shame if I'm proud.

Just because 1999 is long gone doesn't mean partying like it's 1999 is too. (Assuming of course that, like us, what you called "partying" in 1999 was updating your Geocities page with sparkly text gifs while watching an all night Star Trek: The Next Generation marathon.) In any event, we've teamed up with the world class Tumblr Animated Text to bring you the "next generation" of last generation's most highly sendable and downright mezmerizing ecards. You're welcome in advance for hours of rhythmically hypnotic fun.

Thank you for letting us ruin one of your weekends to celebrate us ruining the rest of our lives.

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