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Stanford rape victim's statement on remaining anonymous illustrates her fortitude, general heroism.

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Throughout her case against her rapist Brock Turner, the now 23-year-old victim has managed to keep her identity hidden. After you read her explanation as to why she's done that, you'll heartily agree it should stay that way. Aside from her court statement, which she provided to BuzzFeed to publish, the woman has spoken very little to the public and has given only brief quotes to news outlets. Through her lawyer, the woman sent a few sentences to KTVU that, although they are brief, are eloquent.

I remain anonymous, yes to protect my identity.
But it is also a statement, that all of these people are fighting for someone they don't know.
That's the beauty of it. I don't need labels, categories, to prove I am worthy of respect, to prove that I should be listened to.
I am coming out to you as simply a woman wanting to be heard.
Yes there is plenty more I'd like to tell you about me.
For now, I am every woman.

Like her court letter, which ended with words of support for other women, this statement is powerful and partially explains why this case has gained so much attention. Sadly, this woman knows that she was the victim of assault for no other reason than her gender. Her ability to express as much has helped expose for many the pervasive, vicious nature of the white male privilege that led to her rape and the attacker's lenient sentencing.

In short, this woman is a goddamn heroine. 

Read the Stanford rapist's statement that made the judge think this man deserved a light sentence.

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The Guardian has obtained the statement that persuaded Judge Aaron Persky (see about recalling him here!) to sentence Stanford rapist Brock Turner to only six months despite the fact that 12 jurors unanimously found him guilty of committing three felonies the night he raped an unconscious woman behind a dumpster. In the end, Turner will likely serve around three months, largely thanks to this statement in which he continues to display his ignorance, and despite the powerful letter his victim wrote.

Here's the portion of the statement that the Guardian shared, with no interruption so your rage can build without impediment, save for some selectively bolded portions that may make you raise your hands up and say, "What the fuck." 

The night of January 17th changed my life and the lives of everyone involved forever. I can never go back to being the person I was before that day. I am no longer a swimmer, a student, a resident of California, or the product of the work that I put in to accomplish the goals that I set out in the first nineteen years of my life. Not only have I altered my life, but I’ve also changed [redacted] and her family’s life. I am the sole proprietor of what happened on the night that these people’s lives were changed forever. I would give anything to change what happened that night. I can never forgive myself for imposing trauma and pain on [redacted]. It debilitates me to think that my actions have caused her emotional and physical stress that is completely unwarranted and unfair. The thought of this is in my head every second of every day since this event has occurred. These ideas never leave my mind. During the day, I shake uncontrollably from the amount I torment myself by thinking about what has happened. I wish I had the ability to go back in time and never pick up a drink that night, let alone interact with [redacted]. I can barely hold a conversation with someone without having my mind drift into thinking these thoughts. They torture me. I go to sleep every night having been crippled by these thoughts to the point of exhaustion. I wake up having dreamt of these horrific events that I have caused. I am completely consumed by my poor judgement and ill thought actions. There isn’t a second that has gone by where I haven’t regretted the course of events I took on January 17th/18th. My shell and core of who I am as a person is forever broken from this. I am a changed person. At this point in my life, I never want to have a drop of alcohol again. I never want to attend a social gathering that involves alcohol or any situation where people make decisions based on the substances they have consumed. I never want to experience being in a position where it will have a negative impact on my life or someone else’s ever again. I’ve lost two jobs solely based on the reporting of my case. I wish I never was good at swimming or had the opportunity to attend Stanford, so maybe the newspapers wouldn’t want to write stories about me.


All I can do from these events moving forward is by proving to everyone who I really am as a person. I know that if I were to be placed on probation, I would be able to be a benefit to society for the rest of my life. I want to earn a college degree in any capacity that I am capable to do so. And in accomplishing this task, I can make the people around me and society better through the example I will set. I’ve been a goal oriented person since my start as a swimmer. I want to take what I can from who I was before this situation happened and use it to the best of my abilities moving forward. I know I can show people who were like me the dangers of assuming what college life can be like without thinking about the consequences one would potentially have to make if one were to make the same decisions that I made. I want to show that people’s lives can be destroyed by drinking and making poor decisions while doing so. One needs to recognize the influence that peer pressure and the attitude of having to fit in can have on someone. One decision has the potential to change your entire life. I know I can impact and change people’s attitudes towards the culture surrounded by binge drinking and sexual promiscuity that protrudes through what people think is at the core of being a college student. I want to demolish the assumption that drinking and partying are what make up a college lifestyle. I made a mistake, I drank too much, and my decisions hurt someone. But I never ever meant to intentionally hurt [redacted]. My poor decision making and excessive drinking hurt someone that night and I wish I could just take it all back.

If I were to be placed on probation, I can positively say, without a single shred of doubt in my mind, that I would never have any problem with law enforcement. Before this happened, I never had any trouble with law enforcement and I plan on maintaining that. I’ve been shattered by the party culture and risk taking behavior that I briefly experienced in my four months at school.I’ve lost my chance to swim in the Olympics. I’ve lost my ability to obtain a Stanford degree. I’ve lost employment opportunity, my reputation and most of all, my life. These things force me to never want to put myself in a position where I have to sacrifice everything. I would make it my life’s mission to show everyone that I can contribute and be a positive influence on society from these events that have transpired. I will never put myself through an event where it will give someone the ability to question whether I really can be a betterment to society. I want no one, male or female, to have to experience the destructive consequences of making decisions while under the influence of alcohol. I want to be a voice of reason in a time where people’s attitudes and preconceived notions about partying and drinking have already been established. I want to let young people now, as I did not, that things can go from fun to ruined in just one night.

Oh, dear Lord. From start to finish, the rapist's statement (getting sick of saying his name) shows that he still doesn't get it. He can't help but make this all about him. Sure, it's his statement to convince his Stanford bud Judge Aaron Persky to let him off easy, but someone with a greater sense of remorse would be hurt first and foremost by the debilitating suffering they've inflicted on their victim and not the fact that they aren't going to the Olympics.

While this statement is supposed to show that the rapist feels guilt over his actions, he can't even say what he has done. He speaks of his decision, of drinking, and never of rape. This suggests the falseness of his statement.

And then there's the party culture blame-game. "I’ve been shattered by the party culture and risk taking behavior that I briefly experienced in my four months at school." No, rapist, your inability to respect women has shattered someone else; your male privilege that you never second-guessed has shattered someone else; your father's failure to teach his child what it means to be a real man has shattered someone else. Someone else, your victim, is shattered and will never regain what you took. You'll live to see another swimming pool and a ribeye steak.

People share the 9 most overrated tourist spots around the world. Cancel your trips.

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If you've ever wondered what's so awe inspiring about seeing the pyramids of Giza or floating around in a gondola in Venice, wonder no longer. According to the well-traveled commentors of Reddit, those places just suck. The complaints aren't just hipsters pretending to be bored with places just because other people love them, these tourists laid down some pretty legit reasons to avoid these traps. If you have a trip planned for any of these destinations, pack your bags for warm weather, because you're going straight to Hell.

1. Times Square - NYC.

CinnaSol was severely disappointed by Times Square, which is unsurprising to locals, who are well aware that the once-gritty theatrical mecca has become a sanitized commercial space.

Times Square is cool for all of 30 seconds until you realize how crowded it is and how obnoxious everybody there is. There's just a bunch of chain stores and people in creepy ass discount costumes selling pictures, and there's not much else to do.

Cinna believes the the Great White Way still has value, just not when everyone else is there. Their recommendation is to go late at night when there are less people around—a recommendation that proves how much the once-seedy, porn-filled streets have changed.

Commenter edlike confirms that a late night visit is the way to go, writing:

It's a cesspool and the mascots are terrible, but I have to agree that late at night the sheer brightness, spectacle, and scale of it is pretty impressive.

2. Dubai.

PacSan300 hated the artificiality of it:

Dubai. It's the most soulless, cultureless, and artificial city I've been to. The shameless and obscene display of bling-bling only adds to this vibe, and the supertall skyscrapers and mega malls get old sooner or later.

To top it off, all of this is built overnight on what is essentially slave labor

earthmoonsun agreed, but at least had some alternative suggestions:

If you like to see fancy skyscrapers and modern shopping malls, visit Hong Kong, Shanghai, Tokyo, or Singapore. Dubai gets boring within one afternoon.

3. Plymouth (fucking) Rock.

There's a reason we used pilgrim salt and pepper shakers to portray Plymouth Rock: a picture of a rock would be really boring. Redditor gronkspike25 thinks a vacation to one is, too:

Plymouth fucking rock. It's just a fucking rock. There is nothing special about it. It looks like all the other normal rocks out there. It's a waste of a first grade field trip which anyone from the Northeast has been on.

The only possible good thing about it is that it [has] a pretty cool area down by the waterfront with some good restaurants.

UseApostrophesBetter, a local, confirms:

I'm from a few towns away, and it's the least exciting famous rock out there. It's in a cage on a beach, and the rock itself is only about the size of a wheelbarrow now because whoever designed the cage forgot to make the bars too narrow for a kid to fit through. I'm pretty sure I have a piece of it somewhere.

It almost seems like it'd be more interesting to visit that guy's personal Plymouth shard.

4. Mount Rushmore.

More like mount Judgemore, amirite? This hallmark of Americana just isn't getting the respect it used to. Per andrewaugare:

Mount Rushmore, hey it looks just like the pictures, so nice to take a picture of it from the exact same view as every other picture of it. I bet everyone wants to see my pictures from Mount Rushmore.

5. The Mona Lisa.

You know, one of the most famous pieces of art in all of history. Yeah, that one. The one even the art illiterate can recognize. Well Rumold thinks that since you already know that Miss Lisa looks like, there's no point in meeting her in person:

The Mona Lisa. A tiny alright looking painting that you have seen a thousand times that you are a few feet away from.

For the most part, people agreed, but they made sure to point out not to avoid the Louvre altogether. And as long as you are going to the Louvre, Lying_idiot makes a good point in favor of seeing it:

It is pretty famous. Most likely passing through the room anyway, might as well look at it, rather than making it a point to not do it.

And for everyone who was really upset that Mona was getting snubbed like a salad at the prom, pm_me_ankle_nudes comes to her defense:

Alright, I'll be the one to defend it. It is an undisputed masterpiece (3/4 shot, use of chiaroscuro, one of about a dozen surviving Da Vinci paintings)... Ya'll acting like the painting was slapped together with a cum sock and spit on your grandmothers graves.

Well said.

6. Egypt (especially Cairo).

To say nothing of the grandeur of the pyramids, _Polite_as_Fuck has a practical reason to avoid this tourist spot:

Egypt, especially Cairo; dirty filthy place.

If you're a woman, don't go if you don't want to be harassed by men; 98% of women are sexually harassed or assaulted in Egypt.

EDIT: sorry guys I was wrong with that statistic, it's actually 99%

He even provided links to back up his statistic. Bummer. Looks like if you want to experience being in the presence of the OG manmade wonder, you should have been born a man.

7. Los Angeles. The whole damn city.

Maldork hated it:

Los Angeles. I know a lot of people who haven't been there before want to go because it has Hollywood, celebrities, sunshine, beaches, and attractive people. In reality? Its a hot mess with trash nearly everywhere, overcrowded stores and malls, the air is just smog and the smell of gasoline mixed together, traffic is the worst on the entire west coast, people tend to be assholes and bad drivers, and everything is overpriced. Granted, some people are nice and LA has its places and moments but 95% of the time if you want to come to the US or California you can probably find a much better place.

Still want to go to southern California? PacSan300 suggests San Diego instead. "It beats LA in cleanliness, beaches, Mexican food, beer, livability and other things." 

8. Tijuana

So, ok, go to San Diego, but do not cross the border, or as thouhastfuckethmychi points out you'll find:

Tijuana

It's just a giant worthless shithole. Go to Rosarito instead.

But seriously, wherever in Mexico you can find a donkey in a hammock, that's where you should go.

9. Venice

OMG this is the negative review of the century.

Maybe you never even thought about going to Venice, but if you read this scathing hate speech against the city, you'll NEVER want to. Whelpie writes:

Venice.

Now, let me explain here. So you get in your car, you drive to this place. Now, you've got a couple options. You can park close by and walk to the actual city, and pay bank for your parking. Or you can park a bit away and take a fucking dirty-ass water taxi there, which takes 40 minutes to get where Jesus could've walked in 10. But that's just the fucking start of it, right? Standard for any tourist destination, sucks to park. Oh no, but we're only starting.

The streets are not only fucking filthy, they're tiny. In some places, you literally cannot walk two people, side by side, without squeezing up against the walls. Makes for a great time when you're trying to get past some obese, sweaty Dutch tourist (Apologies to Dutch people everywhere). There's way too many people in this fucking tiny-ass place. And the shops? More than half of the shops are either glass sculpture shops or they sell those stupid carnival masks. I am not joking, this is not exaggeration. Literally over half the shops you see will sell either glass or carnival masks. I get that it's traditional and specific to Venice, but it's still way too fucking much.

Oh, but you don't want to squeeze through these tiny-ass, dingy streets. You wanna go see something cool, like Piazza San Marco. You probably played Assassin's Creed or some shit. Well, not only do they not take well to attempts at dive assassinations, but the pigeons are also fucking everywhere. Everywhere. And they want your food. And because you're a dumbass tourist, you will feed these flying rats, because at first you will think that all these pigeons are cool. That's your mistake, though. These fuckers will mob you, begging for food. You'll only be able to make that mistake once, though, as your flesh is devoured by hundred of ravenous little disease repositories.

But, fuck, maybe you don't care. Maybe you just want a cup of coffee while overlooking the Piazza. 10 euros. No, that's just for the cup of coffee. No, it doesn't come with anything. No, that's not half a cup, that's the whole thing. Afterwards, you can visit the fucking doge palace, where the fucking floors are wobbly as fuck for some reason. Enjoy not knowing whether that fat Dutch guy will lead you both to an untimely death-by-fall as he starts bouncing up and down on the wobbly floor in delight (Is he fucking following you around or some shit, the fuck?). Oh, but this delightful experience does, of course require that you wait outside in line for an hour first, in the Italian sun and heat. Because fuck you, that's why.

Oh, but then there's the best part. I've only experienced this once. You see, one time I was in Venice at night, and the sewers overflowed. I shit you not. This is a thing that apparently happens at regular intervals. The sewers overflow, shit water all over the streets, and it fills up fucking fast. Yeah. Enjoy Venice, motherfucker.

If you absolutely must go to that place, keep a few things in mind:

  1. The further it is from Piazza San Marco, the more you get for your money.

  2. This is not the place to get ice cream. It's way overpriced. On a similar note, don't bother with the restaurants. Grab some street food from a vendor. It tastes fine, and it's much better value for your money.

  3. Get out before the shit water rises. Seriously.

  4. Try some of the fruit from fruit stands. It is absolutely amazing. That goes for most of the big cities in Italy, but I had to put something here.

  5. Watch the fuck out for your wallet, seriously. It's not even that Venetians are especially steal-y, it's just that if you happen to be someone hoping to get by on stealing, Venice is one of the best places you could possibly be doing it with all the rich tourists.

Oof. There are a lot of irredeemable (and irritating) problems there, although as many commenters suggested, you should never drive a car around Europe. Just take the trains, man. 

It probably feels right now like there's just nowhere to spend your vacation, and you should just settle for a four-day trip into your HBOGo account. BUT, here's a bonus response from ham4radio, one kind-hearted person who actually enjoyed their vacations and has some reccomendations:

Places that are not overrated:

  • Hoover Dam. It is amazing and if you are a programmer it will make you feel all sorts of insecurities about calling yourself an Engineer.

  • Pike'sPike Place Market in Seattle

  • Normandy. Absolutely beautiful, good food, and they seem to fucking love Americans/Brits/Canadians.

  • Burlington, Vermont. Especially if you like Contra Dancing

  • Beale Street in Memphis, Tennessee

  • The party hostels of Budapest.

  • Amsterdam, unless you're going there to smoke weed or see a sex show. Instead, rent a bike and go around the city randomly.

  • Franklin's Barbecue in Austin, TX

  • The Jim Crow Museum of Racist Memorabilia in Big Rapids, Michigan

  • The improv comedy scene in London

  • The Cliffs of Moher in Ireland. Especially if you like wind.

  • The Port Authority bus terminal.

Of course, that last one is sort of a joke. You shouldn't ever visit to the Port Authority bus terminal, but they're technically correct in saying it isn't overrated. There isn't a person on earth who has ever said anything nice about it.

Pizza highlighter from Gina Kay will give your face a shimmery and perhaps slightly oily look.

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Self-taught makeup artist Gina Kay has people dying to know her autodidactic (editor's note: this word means self-taught, Julianne is overachieving) secrets after she posted a picture and video of a pizza highlighter she'd constructed. It's sort of like that rainbow highlighter but way better because pizza.

As Kay explains in her Insta caption, she created this masterpiece out of necessity after her pressed highlighter broke. This should make you want to go out and buy a bunch of cheap highlighters to play around with.

Amazingly, the pizza highlighter looks beautiful on and off the palette.

Made my very own pepperoni pizza highlighter 🍕😂😂✨

A video posted by Gina (@gina.makeup) on

Pizza is magical, as is makeup. 

Aside from pizza, Kay has created some other looks that would make people stop and stare in the street, or double-tap on Instagram.

Mary Jo k 💋 @kyliecosmetics @kyliejenner Silver glitter: @certifeye ✨👑

A photo posted by Gina (@gina.makeup) on

 

Sometimes the makeup even goes on Kay's face.

So much beautiful glitter.

Bye Bye Bernie? 29 funny tweets about Hillary Clinton becoming the presumptive Democratic nominee.

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On Tuesday night, Hillary Clinton won four primaries, making her the presumptive Democratic nominee for President. Many assumed rival Bernie Sanders would drop out of the race, but Sanders vowed to fight on. These are the top 29 reactions on social media to the June 7 primary!

Thank you.

A photo posted by Hillary Clinton (@hillaryclinton) on

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Stacey Dash is talking about diversity again, says Hollywood should 'get rid of black films.'

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Uh-oh, Stacey Dash is back in the news. In an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, the FOX pundit, who is currently promoting her memoirThere Goes My Social Life: From Clueless to Conservative, stated that the way to fix Hollywood's diversity problem is to "stop segregating films."

[Diversity is] absolutely a problem, but a diversity outreach program won’t solve it. Movie casting being colorblind is the way to solve it. Stop segregating films. We have Black Hollywood and Hollywood. You know that, and I know that. We should get rid of black films, and everybody just make films.

Full day at #sirius #ThereGoesMySocialLife #staceydash

A photo posted by Stacey Dash (@realstaceyldash) on

When asked what the meanest thing anyone's said to her about her politics, Dash answered:

Everybody tells me I’m racist. I’m a black Mexican. It’s absurd. White casting people have actually said to me, “You’re not black enough.” It’s the same as stereotyping white people, with ugly sweaters at Christmas and grandma drunk on eggnog. That’s not white people, and now they say black people have to think, act, speak and look a certain way in order be black enough.

The problems Dash mentions are certainly valid, but her solutions—at least the way she phrases them—leave something to be desired. But this is not new for Dash, who in an interview with Entertainment Tonight said that transgender people should pee in the bushes. She clarified that statement, though, saying it was just a stupid answer to a stupid question.

That was misconstrued. The woman asked me an asinine question. "What if they don’t know what they are that day?" I thought that was so insulting to transgenders, who take a lot of time and thought to change. So I answered her ridiculous question with a ridiculous answer. I should have just not answered, but she made me angry. I didn’t mean to offend anybody. Of course I don’t think anybody should have to go pee in the bushes, although I have when I had to.

The thing is, that's not quite what was said. What actually happened was when ET's Nischelle Turner asked her about transgender people using bathrooms that don't correspond to their birth gender, and Dash said: "It's tyranny by the minority. Why should I have to suffer because you can't decide what you want to be that day?" 

So, really, she's the one who implied that trans people aren't putting any time or thought into it. Just saying.

Woman shares pics of her skin removal scars, and one of her removed skin if you're into that.

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Redditor stillfat11 lost seven pounds in one day recently. What was her secret? Having a doctor cut off skin. 

Stillfat11 had lost 212 pounds, which resulted in a lot of excess skin that, for reasons of comfort and to move on from her past, she had removed. She got very candid about her weight loss and surgery on Reddit, where she posted a few before and after photos.

Immediately following her surgery, stillfat11 hasn't been that comfortable between the draining tubes she's been wearing and her limited range of motion.

The tubes keep me from wearing jeans. Been in sweats for 2 weeks. No bra because of my arm compression garmet. And cant really do my hair/makeup. Sleeping in a recliner, cant lift over 10 pounds, cant clean or really cook. Hardest is no exercising. It gets to you

"I have some "phantom limb" issues," she wrote. "If i cross my arms i feel the skin, but im not touching anything. Or if my tummy itches. Its such a weird thing to wrap my brain around."

In total, stillfat11 (who should get a new username) spent $9,800 on a fleur-de-lis tummy tuck, brachioplasty, and flank liposuction. This time around, she didn't go for a boob job, but she says she will soon because her "boobs look like I was the wet nurse for a whole damn village."

Stillfat11 shared a bit about the mental and physical journey that's given her those scars. "I ate myself to a point that i was suicidal and i know there are others like it," she wrote. "Eating was my addiction so i treated it like someone who is an alcoholic. I got help and i busted my ass to give myself a normal life."

While in the past two years she's tried keto and crash diets that made her anemic, she's settled on the three meals-two snacks routine. On top of better nutrition, stillfat11 started a mix of cardio and weightlifting that she'll resume after she recovers fully from surgery, which takes about six to eight weeks. Until then, she's busy eating Vitamin E to help her scars heal while also trying to think of a great story for them. Fencing accident is what she's got so far but she can think of something better, like surviving a samurai fight.

Due to requests, she shared a photo of her excess skin after it was removed. Here's the fascinating/disgusting picture.

Seven pounds, which is roughly how much food and water you might vomit up after seeing that picture.


Mo' solutions.

Axl Rose wants the Internet to take down unflattering pictures of him, so here they are.

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Guns N' Roses front man Axl Rose is pulling a very "celebrity" move and demanding that some unflattering pictures of him be taken off the Internet, proving that he has no idea how the Internet works. When people heard he wanted these pictures from a 2010 concert to be wiped from the Internet, people started sharing them like crazy.

The photos were taken six years by Free Press photographer Boris Minkevich. Since Internet sleuths rediscovered the images, Rose has been meme'd. Meme'd real hard. 

#axlrose #gunsnroses #mcdonalds

A photo posted by Tommie Frain (@tommies1) on

The "Fat Axl Rose" memes have been infiltrating social media, poking fun at his music and his weight, saying things like "Oh Oh Oh Oh, Sweet pie o' mine" and "Take me down to the bakery city, where the pies have cream and the cakes are tasty." Real creative, Internet.

Hotter times for Axl Rose. Hotter times.

The whole "Fat Axl Rose" meme debacle has people wondering if Axl Rose is fair game for cyber bullying because he is famous, or if he is just being a giant baby for wanting the pictures down. At this point, Rose should probably just collaborate with Weird Al and make "Sweet Pie O' Mine" a reality. If you can't beat em, join em. 

Woman sues Ellen DeGeneres for making fun of her dumb name.

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Ellen DeGeneres, who uses cute children, dancing and positivity to fuel her mega-popular daytime talk show, is being sued by a Georgia woman who claims that the comedian bullied her about her name on national TV. In a segment called "What's Wrong With These Ads...and These Signs," DeGeneres comments on a slideshow of signs and ads with spelling mistakes, funny typos, and stuff like that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hf_Hf9Mq6B0

It was this particular picture that landed Ellen in hot water.

Ellen made a boob joke by pronouncing Titi Pierce's name as "Titty Pierce" instead of how it is actually pronounced: "Tee-Tee." Pierce also claims that this is the first time that anyone has ever made a boob joke about her name, suggesting that she had the easiest childhood ever. The lawsuit said:

Prior to defendant’s misdeeds, Ms. Pierce has been called only by her name 'Titi,' which, as grammar dictates, is pronounced 'TEE TEE.'

Pierce's personal cell phone number was also shown during the segment when it originally aired back in February, and also when they reran the episode later this year. It has since been blurred out, but not before Pierce received harassing phone calls from what sounds like middle schoolers.

“Bahhh, your name is Titty Pierce, bahhh, bahhh, titty, bahhh, Ellen DeGeneres told me to call you,” one caller reportedly said in a voicemail.

Pierce is seeking damages and also requests that the segment be taken off the episode whenever it re-airs. DeGeneres, whose name sounds way too close to degenerate for her to be making jokes about someone's name, has not commented on the lawsuit. 

People shared alarming stories of the worst ways they were ever woken up.

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Waking up in the morning is the worst. An alarm abruptly yanks you from the twin delights of sleep and warmth into the cold, hard reality of life. That's traumatic enough, but it's not nearly as traumatic as waking up because something actually traumatic (or at least weird or gross) happened. But that's exactly what happened to the redditors on this list.

TFW Bib Fortuna pokes you awake.

1. 90 percent of bad wake-ups are cat related, but arguably_pizza has a story way worse than a little pussy-footing or meowing.

To my cat sitting on my chest, glaring at me, and then the warm spreading sensation of cat piss. I wish I could say this only happened once.

2. Dogs will explore the house if your back is turned, or if you're asleep like AW12321 was. And they're always looking for food.

Woke up to my dog sticking her tongue in my open mouth (I snore a lot).

3. Don't ghost like icannevertell did, or it will come back to haunt you.

I had gone on a date with a girl, we didn't hit it off that well. I was young and didn't really know how to tell her I wasn't interested. I tried to scale back contact and stopped replying to messages. She knew where I lived because my neighbor was her best friend.

I woke up one day to her standing over me. I had no idea how to react. So I did probably the worst thing I could do and just pulled the blankets over my head, rolled over, and ignored her until she left.​
 

U up?

4. Getting murdered in your sleep is bad, but SaraSmile416 thought she'd been woken up to help out with a murder.

My roommate was acting in a play. One night she was at rehearsal and I fell asleep on the couch. I was awakened by her shaking me violently awake. I opened my eyes and I see her covered in blood.

"SaraSmile416, where's the shovel!?" she screams.

I'm sure my face went absolutely white and my heart stopped for a moment. Then, thinking the worst, I get up and go to find the shovel. I return with it only to find her doubled over in laughter... they were using fake blood at rehearsal and it got a little out of hand.

But, to my credit, I was ready to help hide the body.

5. GunnarHamundarson had a dog that did what all dogs do. Its only crime was not finishing before everybody woke up.

The moronic little chihuahua/pug mixture my wife was fostering shit on the bed, ate the shit, then vomited the warm shit-vomit all over my chest, waking me up with a smell that should not be smelled by mortal men.

6. His name is Gregor Samsa, SlightlyStable.

To a giant cockroach sitting on my chest staring at me.

7. Stories, like this one from CakeIsaVegetable, never have a happy ending if they begin with "I felt something moist on my face."

I rolled over and felt something moist on my face, after waking up a few moments later I realized I had a massive headache and looked down to see my pillow and the corner of my sheets SOAKED in blood.

I had a dream I was being attacked by parasite worms that wanted to invade my brain by traveling up my nose, 5 attacked at once and one got in. I tried to grab it by shoving my entire finger up my nose and scratching the worm out and blowing my nose to push it out. I guess I did all these things while asleep and ended up scratching out a large chuck of nostril flesh and my constant nose breathing kept pushing clotted blood out onto my pillow.

Resistance is futile.

8. Black_Sparrow experienced a transformer-related bomb not witnessed since the last Transformers movie.

I had been up till 2am the night before. I was dead asleep when at 6:45am a transformer on the power line right outside my bedroom window exploded. For those who have never heard one explode before, it sounded like a bomb went off right next to me and there is a very bright flash of light. Waking up to that from a dead sleep was terrifying. After grabbing my knife and gathering up the courage, I looked out my window expecting to see stuff on fire, but everything looked fine. Then I realized the power was out and knew exactly what happened.

9. User hjartajuv avoided the most common nightstand liquid risk: spilling it all over the place.

In my sleep I reached for the water bottle on my nightstand to get a drink, but ended up grabbing a bottle of nail polish remover instead. I fully woke up as I took a big sip. Fortunately I spit it out before swallowing.

10. Sometimes the dead person with the dismembered arm is inside you all along, right ebeemeow?

Fell asleep with my arm wrapped over my head. Arm fell asleep, went cold. I woke up thinking a dead arm was caressing my face. Leapt out of bed screaming and looking for a dead person or dismembered arm in the sheets.

11. Panda5151 did the Ice Bucket Challenge. Without being told. While sleeping.

Every morning while I was growing up my dad would attempt to wake me for school and I wouldn't get up until it was almost time to leave... generally making us late every day. One morning, he got sick of my shit and dumped a huge bucket of ice water on me. For the remainder of my childhood I woke up on time for school.

12. PowerMonkey500 seems to be assembling some sort of subconscious art installation.

A few months I woke up with the front door open, my lamp at the foot of my bed, and a few sticks of deodorant under my pillow. I live alone.

13. All men should aim to be as cool as countrymusickills's dad.

Dad buys a gorilla suit and a new camera on a Friday night that I'm not home. I get home late Friday night and crash hard. He proceeds to put on the suit and give the camera to my mom at 730 am on Saturday. He gets into bed and starts spooning me. I turn around and sock him in the gorilla chops and scream like a little girl. He loves to show off this video​.

14. It's the earthquake that woke MoronLessOff; it's the raccoon fight that kept him up.

I'm a heavy sleeper. One early morning, probably around 3am, my wife was shaking me trying to wake me up. I started to come around and heard these wild growls and roars, some kind of animal that I can't recall hearing before. Then I realized the entire room was shaking. I started to freak out. Still groggy, I thought there were monsters in our house. As in Where the Wild Things Are sized beasts coming to eat us. Turns out that there was an earthquake, and raccoons were fighting over our bird feeders just outside the bedroom window.

15. User cheekybuffalo was also awoken by animals… with sexy results.

Two skunks mating right outside my bedroom underneath our deck. The smell itself woke me up - it was HORRENDOUS.​
 

Disgusting.

Students stage braless protest after girl gets sent to principal's office for not wearing a bra.

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High school student Kaitlyn Juvik of Helena, Montana, was disciplined at school last month for not wearing a bra. Administrators claim she violated the school's dress code, but in response, she staged a protest to say No Bra, No Problem. By not keeping her boobs in a cage at school that day, admins say, Juvik was distracting to other students. Despite wearing a loose-fitting shirt, Juvik was still sent to the principal's office, and asked to cover up.

She took down the original post because of trolls, but circulated it to news outlets.

She writes:

If anyone is curious, THIS is the shirt I was wearing when I was called out!!! not see through, not inappropriate! and you definitely cannot tell I'm not wearing a bra unless you're looking VERY hard! I was most definitely not wearing anything that was against the dress code!

Helena High School's principal declined to elaborate on what specifically was the violation, but told KRTV, “I’m not going to check student’s undergarments. We are going to ask them to dress appropriately and if we feel it is inappropriate, male or female, we are going to ask them to cover up.”

Juvik created a Facebook event and community page titled No Bra No Problem, calling on her peers to stand in solidarity by letting their boobs hang. She describes it as "the movement for gender equality, women's rights, & being comfortable. Against discrimination in schools, we focus on the right for girls to go braless."

“The fact that I was told it makes people uncomfortable offended me because it’s my body,” Juvik explained during a gathering outside the school last Friday. “It is my natural body and I’m not sure why that is uncomfortable to somebody.”

The protest continued on Tuesday, May 31, as men decided to show their support for a woman's right to go braless by wearing bras on top of their shirts.

A parent was uncomfortable with the protest and called the cops, saying that the boys were causing a "disruption" and making "inappropriate gestures." According to KTVH News, the police said this was a "school issue" and declined to respond to it as a "criminal complaint."

Bra or no bra, girl or boy, parents and teachers should stop focusing on students' outfits so they can just get back to class and learn something in school.

Mom of child with Down syndrome writes open letter to the doc who recommended abortion.

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Courtney Baker ​has a 15-month-old daughter, Emersyn Faith, who is so cute you might want to reach out at your computer screen and squeeze her cheeks.

Baker recently took her daughter, whom she calls Emmy, on a fun trip to the mailbox where Emmy joyously helped her deliver a letter that was a very nice "fuck you" to the doctor who suggested Baker abort her child. The doctor recommended this course of action because Emmy has Down syndrome. 

Baker shared the letter with the Parker Myles Facebook page, the social media outlet for a popular website run by a single parent raising a child with Down syndrome.

"This is Emmy, mailing our letter to the prenatal specialist who didn't want her to live. He repeatedly suggested we...

Posted by Parker Myles on Sunday, June 5, 2016

"This is Emmy, mailing our letter to the prenatal specialist who didn't want her to live. 
He repeatedly suggested we abort. He said her and our quality of life would be horrible."

Emmy was diagnosed prenatally with Down syndrome. 

"He was so unbelievably wrong. I want to do something to advocate, but other than my letter to him, I don't know what yet. Can you please share my photo?" - Courtney Williams Baker

The letter Emmy is holding, says;

"Dear Doctor,

A friend recently told me of when her prenatal specialist would see her child during her sonograms, he would comment, “He’s perfect.” Once her son was born with Down syndrome, she visited that same doctor. He looked at her little boy and said, “I told you. He’s perfect.”

Her story tore me apart. While I was so grateful for my friend’s experience, it filled me with such sorrow because of what I should have had. I wish you would have been that doctor.

I came to you during the most difficult time in my life. I was terrified, anxious and in complete despair. I didn’t know the truth yet about my baby, and that’s what I desperately needed from you. But instead of support and encouragement, you suggested we terminate our child. I told you her name, and you asked us again if we understood how low our quality of life would be with a child with Down syndrome. You suggested we reconsider our decision to continue the pregnancy.

From that first visit, we dreaded our appointments. The most difficult time in my life was made nearly unbearable because you never told me the truth.

My child was perfect.

I’m not angry. I’m not bitter. I’m really just sad. I’m sad the tiny beating hearts you see every day don’t fill you with a perpetual awe. I’m sad the intricate details and the miracle of those sweet little fingers and toes, lungs and eyes and ears don’t always give you pause. I’m sad you were so very wrong to say a baby with Down syndrome would decrease our quality of life. And I’m heartbroken you might have said that to a mommy even today. But I’m mostly sad you’ll never have the privilege of knowing my daughter, Emersyn.

Because, you see, Emersyn has not only added to our quality of life, she’s touched the hearts of thousands. She’s given us a purpose and a joy that is impossible to express. She’s given us bigger smiles, more laughter and sweeter kisses than we’ve ever known. She’s opened our eyes to true beauty and pure love.

So my prayer is that no other mommy will have to go through what I did. My prayer is that you, too, will now see true beauty and pure love with every sonogram. And my prayer is when you see that next baby with Down syndrome lovingly tucked in her mother’s womb, you will look at that mommy and see me then tell her the truth: “Your child is absolutely perfect.”

Other parents shared with Parker Myles that they, too, had doctors who said they needn't have their children because of their Down syndrome diagnoses. Like Baker, these parents also said, "Bitch, please."

Dr's told my hubby and I after she was born, "You don't have to keep her." Cali has been one of the best things to...

Posted by Parker Myles on Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Emmy has quickly become a small, so very cute, hero for families who have kids with Down syndrome.

“Emmy is proof that children with special needs are worthy and can change the world. She’s doing it right now," Baker told ABC about her daughter. Baker is a hero, too, but she's not as adorable. Who is?

61-year-old J.K. Simmons got jacked as hell for his role in the 'Justice League' movie.

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J.K. Simmons, the Oscar-winning actor famous for playing intense roles in films such as Whiplash and the first Spider-Man franchise, shows no sign of slowing down at the tender age of 61. He's currently training for his role as Commissioner Gordon in the upcoming Justice League movie, and as some recent gym shots prove, this version of the character will be jacked as all hell. The pictures were shared by Simmons' trainer, actor and former Marine Aaron Williamson. Here are the two workout buds in their civvies:

#Family

A photo posted by Aaron Williamson (@aaronvwilliamson) on

But underneath that fancy suit, Simmons has transformed into a terrifying killing machine version of Santa Claus. Williamson posted some pics of Simmons working out to prove it:

Holy crap! Look at those arms! In this movie, is Commissioner Gordon also Batman? And the beefcake doesn't end there:

Saturday morning, 61 years old & making the young generation jealous. This is what dedication looks like. #JKSimmons

A photo posted by Aaron Williamson (@aaronvwilliamson) on

Seriously, WTF. If this guy yelled at you to get him pictures of Spider-Man, you would do it immediately. Even if you didn't work for him. Even Spider-Man would do it (although that's what happened in the movie).

He's making me look bad. #JKSimmons #AintPlayinNoGames

A photo posted by Aaron Williamson (@aaronvwilliamson) on

Imagine if this version of Simmons had chucked drumsticks at Miles Teller's head. Those things would have gone straight through his skull and come out the other side. Simmons hasn't been this much of a badass since he played Tenzin in The Legend of Korra.

But that was a cartoon.


People shared the little things they do just to be a jerk for no reason. Your roommate's on this list.

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Plenty of people are total jerks. They know it, they love it, and they'll raise the price of HIV medication just to revel in the notoriety. Then there are the less sociopathic, everyday jerks, who are probably otherwise really nice. But they need that thrill. That tiny, life-giving jolt of adrenaline that comes from being a subtle anus to friends, family, and coworkers.

Those are the people who responded to a recent Reddit thread asking, "What little things do you do because you're a jerk?" God save you if you're friends with number nine.

1. No one even wears a watch anymore, you insufferable dickhead, ​WomabatOfWar.

Never miss a "time for you to get a watch" opportunity for the past dozen years

More like, TIME TO GET AN iPHONE, am I right?

2. Such a rebellious parent, chocolatephantom.

When my partner and kids put their clothes in the washing basket inside out they get it back neatly folded inside out........because I ain't no slave.

3. ​And Bailechelle would be a cruel parent, but a fair one.

I say "thank you" when people tell me they love me.

4. Aah07005's method is arguably more polite than cutting someone off with a big, pretentious word from the "dictionary."

Sit patiently, put on a slightly quizzical look and wait for a person to finish their sentence when they're clearly struggling to remember a word I could supply.

This guy's trying so hard not to interject with "lugubrious."

5. 707RiverRat lives up to his name, the disgusting monster.

There is a good chance you've handled my ass-pennies.

6. Notreallysrs srsly pissed off everyone who works at a grocery store.

Sometimes when I realize I don't want something from the store, I just put whatever I got in a random place in whatever department I'm in

One commenter, Skrilly01, stands up to this bully:

As someone who works in retail, fuck you

7. But here's some grocery store mischief everyone will want to try.

While out grocery shopping I will put boxes of condoms in peoples carts if they block isles. I especially love doing it to old people

Yes, condoms are so embarrassing.

8. AffluenzaVictim is easily the meanest jerk on this list.

I leave my read receipt on imessage so you know when I'm ignoring you.

9. Dialectic1 is rude, but provides another useful trick you will probably try.

When a passenger and I are getting into my car. I get in first. They wait outside their door for the unlock. I hit the automatic lock button. Thinking that noise was the unlock they try to open... but get denied.

10. Itsandrock's very Reddit-specific action infuriates the mods.

Sometimes I downvote a comment because it expresses an opinion I disagree with, even if it does contribute to the discussion.

Banned.

11. This move by Josliuon could have some truly disgusting results.

Whenever I leave a school restroom when another person is sitting down on a toilet inside a stall, I turn the lights off and let the door shut behind me. Leaving them in complete darkness while they poo, wondering how they're gonna wipe with no lights.

12. WikiWantsYourPics has taken it too far, of course.

I correct people who say "my brother and I" when it should be "my brother and me"

Grieving son: They left my brother and I out of the funeral arrangements.

WWYP: That should be "my brother and me" - easy way to get this right is if it were only you, it would be "They left me out" not "They left I out".

Grieving son: You're a jerk.

Funerals are a grammar free zone.

13. But SwagalisciousYo wasn't even trying to be a jerk—does that make him the biggest jerk of all?

I kept saying je ne sais pas (French for I don't know) to my friend when he asked me something, every time he asked me what it meant I'd say 'I don't know'. After about a year of this he finally googled it and realized I'd been fucking with him for an entire year. He was not pleased. It was totally worth it.

14. Howitgoingeh is just very simply the ghost that haunts your coffee.

I move my roommates coffeemaker a little every few days. She believes that a ghost is doing this. I'd say this started about 2 months ago. Still going strong!

15. And Whapwhaap reveals himself to be an excellent uncle and a terrible, terrible brother.

I buy my brother's kids musical instruments for their birthday and Christmas. They are under the age of 5 and not musically gifted at all. Unless you count enthusiasm. And volume.

THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR LOCKING ME IN A SUITCASE 19 YEARS AGO JAMES.

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Article 63

Designers hilariously recreate photos of Kanye, Kim, and North to make them less annoying.

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Photos of the glamorous trio of Kim, Kanye and Knorth are everywhere, but what would it look like if normal people wore their outfits? Designers Katie Yoko and Kathleen Lee recreate West family photos on their Instagram, what_would_yeezus_wear, with an impressive attention to detail, even nailing the parents' dead-behind-the-eyes expressions.

Kim even gave them a shoutout on her app.

Here are their finest takes on the Wests' finest looks. North West’s wardrobe makes just as much sense on an adult.

1. Butt not included

2. Mother-daughter choker vibes

3. Yeezus is hole-y

4. Yes we Cannes

5. Hold up... they don't love you like I love you

6. The perks of dressing like wallpaper

7. On the prowl

8. Grunge garage

9. The lollipop guild

10. I'm with the bandage

11. This one's the bomb(er jacket)

12. Tutu of a kind

13. #ImWithFur

14. Baby you can drive my car

 15. Tutu 2

16. The motorcycle ballerina diaries

Here are the 21 best tweets about what it's like to be best friends on National Best Friends Day.

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Did you know that it isn't just unlikely animal pairings that can be best friends?

Turns out human animals can be best friends, too!  June 8 is National Best Friends Day, and what better way to express your feelings about your best friends than logging onto a faceless computer and typing into a void? 

Whether you have had a besty since childhood or you respond to the texts you get from Seamless, here are the 21 best tweets about being BFFs.

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