Sorry your company doesn't allow bereavement leave for the death of characters on Game of Thrones.
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Today's 3 User Cards With the Worst Grasp of the English Language
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The Miami Heat playing the San Antonio Spurs is the only way I could ever root for anything from Texas.
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Being single may suck but at least you don't have to swim hundreds of miles upstream for a date.
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I like my job enough that I sometimes go minutes without checking how many hours are left in the workday.
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You fulfill me in ways that generally require batteries.
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Congratulations on getting divorced while you still look doable.
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You're so much better than A-Rod at concealing your drug use on the job.
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At least you don't have to be pregnant for two years.
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New breast-milk flavored lollipops remind us of a simpler time when sour apple was wacky enough.
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Enjoy no longer having to pretend to like your in-laws.
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Gay Pride Month seems like another great opportunity for you to brag about having gay friends.
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Today's 3 User Cards With the Worst Grasp of the English Language
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I hope your kids cope with the divorce well enough to serve as a prop to help get you laid.
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You're the friend I trust most to keep my secrets an hour or two longer than anyone else.
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I may have to put in some overtime to not finish what I haven't started yet.
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At least the divorce is less expensive than the wedding.
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I hope the government's callous invasion of phone privacy will finally be the thing that gets people to stop calling me.
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I hope no acknowledgment of your birthday was exactly what you wanted for your birthday.
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I'd be more upset about the NSA accessing my phone records if I used my phone for anything but texting and taking pictures of my dick.
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