Sorry your company doesn't allow bereavement leave for the death of characters on Game of Thrones.

June 4, 2013, 11:32 am

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Today's 3 User Cards With the Worst Grasp of the English Language

June 4, 2013, 12:25 pm

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Flipping chickens is slightly less lucrative than flipping houses.

Today's 3 User Cards With the Worst Grasp of the English Language will make your brain hurt, assuming you have one.

Check them out >>

The Miami Heat playing the San Antonio Spurs is the only way I could ever root for anything from Texas.

June 4, 2013, 12:42 pm

≫ Next: Being single may suck but at least you don't have to swim hundreds of miles upstream for a date.

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Being single may suck but at least you don't have to swim hundreds of miles upstream for a date.

June 4, 2013, 1:48 pm

≫ Next: I like my job enough that I sometimes go minutes without checking how many hours are left in the workday.

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I like my job enough that I sometimes go minutes without checking how many hours are left in the workday.

June 4, 2013, 3:06 pm

≫ Next: You fulfill me in ways that generally require batteries.

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You fulfill me in ways that generally require batteries.

June 5, 2013, 5:01 am

≫ Next: Congratulations on getting divorced while you still look doable.

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Congratulations on getting divorced while you still look doable.

June 5, 2013, 9:01 am

≫ Next: You're so much better than A-Rod at concealing your drug use on the job.

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You're so much better than A-Rod at concealing your drug use on the job.

June 5, 2013, 9:33 am

≫ Next: At least you don't have to be pregnant for two years.

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At least you don't have to be pregnant for two years.

June 5, 2013, 10:38 am

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New breast-milk flavored lollipops remind us of a simpler time when sour apple was wacky enough.

June 5, 2013, 10:45 am

≫ Next: Enjoy no longer having to pretend to like your in-laws.

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Read the full article at TheGist.com >>

Enjoy no longer having to pretend to like your in-laws.

June 5, 2013, 11:06 am

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Gay Pride Month seems like another great opportunity for you to brag about having gay friends.

June 5, 2013, 11:31 am

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Today's 3 User Cards With the Worst Grasp of the English Language

June 5, 2013, 1:03 pm

≫ Next: I hope your kids cope with the divorce well enough to serve as a prop to help get you laid.

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Guess they found someone else to score them a solid C-.

If you dare, check out Today's User Cards With the Worst Grasp of the English Language.

Enjoy >>

I hope your kids cope with the divorce well enough to serve as a prop to help get you laid.

June 5, 2013, 1:57 pm

≫ Next: You're the friend I trust most to keep my secrets an hour or two longer than anyone else.

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You're the friend I trust most to keep my secrets an hour or two longer than anyone else.

June 5, 2013, 3:09 pm

≫ Next: I may have to put in some overtime to not finish what I haven't started yet.

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I may have to put in some overtime to not finish what I haven't started yet.

June 6, 2013, 5:01 am

≫ Next: At least the divorce is less expensive than the wedding.

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At least the divorce is less expensive than the wedding.

June 6, 2013, 7:01 am

≫ Next: I hope the government's callous invasion of phone privacy will finally be the thing that gets people to stop calling me.

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I hope the government's callous invasion of phone privacy will finally be the thing that gets people to stop calling me.

June 6, 2013, 8:44 am

≫ Next: I hope no acknowledgment of your birthday was exactly what you wanted for your birthday.

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I hope no acknowledgment of your birthday was exactly what you wanted for your birthday.

June 6, 2013, 8:59 am

≫ Next: I'd be more upset about the NSA accessing my phone records if I used my phone for anything but texting and taking pictures of my dick.

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I'd be more upset about the NSA accessing my phone records if I used my phone for anything but texting and taking pictures of my dick.

June 6, 2013, 9:08 am

≫ Next: Being divorced is an extremely useful way to fool women into believing you're capable of commitment.

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