As a wise Whitney Houston once sang, "I believe that children are the future. Teach them well and let them lead the way." Teachers are underappreciated and vastly under-underpaid, but like with every profession, not everyone is good at their job. (Author's note: For example, my job is to do this, and many Facebook commenters will say that it sucks.) In the Reddit thread What's the dumbest teacher you've ever dealt with?, people are sharing tales of the dumbest people whose job was to make them smarter.

1. GrandTheftMordor's friend is rusty on their terms.

My best friend had a science teacher in middle school that gave him zero credit for an answer he gave on an exam. The question was: "What happens to metal when exposed to air for a long period of time?" He answered: "The metal oxidizes with the air which slowly over time destroys the integrity of the metal."

He got zero credit because he didn't use the exact word "rust". -.-

2. mtwstr's Spanish teacher no hablo Espanol.

a spanish teacher we never heard speak spanish, just collect worksheets, hand out new worksheets, occasionally play a tape.

3. Gouwbadgers' teacher doesn't understand the water cycle or the dangers of dehydration.

My teacher thought that water was not regenerated and cleaned. She thought that the clean water that we currently had access to was eventually going to "run out." She would yell at kids that drank too much water, telling them that the earth was going to dry up soon because they were greedy by being thirsty.

4. Picklewhisky's teacher puts Ben Stein in Ferris Bueller's Day Off to shame.

This happened in India so some of the things may not apply in the Western colleges. Even in college, we couldn't walk out of class as we liked. The professor had to permit you to do so

I was about 10 minutes late to class one day. When I entered the classroom, I saw that there was nobody there. Took me about 10 seconds to realize that this was a "mass bunk", i.e., the entire class coordinated with each other and skipped the class. So I took off for the exit but the professor saw me and asked me to go into the class and sit in there, so, I did

Now I was the only person in the class while this guy taught some boring shit for some 40+ minutes. At the end of the class, he wanted to mark attendance. So he pulls out his attendance register and instead of just marking my name as present, he called out every one of the 40 students' names while I just answered "absent" for all of them until my name came around which unfortunately was at the end of the list

TL;DR: Professor called out 40 students' names to mark attendance when there was just one student in the class

5. KingGeezer's teacher won't be making a lot of Tubmans.

A long-term substitute for my 8th Grade English teacher was convinced that the Underground Railroad was a subway network. She gave the kid who corrected her detention.

6. At least Caspercreep scored some Mario Kart off of the scare.

I had a substitute math teacher when I was a freshman in High School that somehow lost his grade book. Instead of telling the principal or anything he just gave everyone an F in that class for the quarter. I got my ass whooped for bringing home my 1 and only F. Thankfully he was fired after the school newsletter went out and I got a Nintendo 64 as an apology from my parents! :D

7. mjlike's teacher had "colourful" methods.

One of my professors used to read essays and see/interpret them as different "colours"... if she didn't like the "colour" of your essay, you failed.

8. TheLaWasHere's mom witnessed the crazy train.

Not me, but my mom. She had a science teacher in high school, who would do a terrible job at explaining things. Then, when he presented the test, he would tell the students that it was "just like gravy."

THEN, as the students were taking the hard exams, the teacher would imitate a train and chug around the room singing, "Choo choo, hop aboard the gravy train!" And anyone who laughed or got distracted by this antic got in trouble.

I'm not making this up.

9. The candle burned out long before Parkraft123's legend ever did.

My English teacher taught us about Princess Diana and Marilyn Monroe, as part of our poetry unit.

She said its fine to teach us about them as part of our poetry unit because "Marilyn Monroe and Princess Diana both had a song written about them".

We had to do a comparitive essay comparing the two versions of Candle in the Wind.

Not only that, but her slideshow presentations were shit.

10. Catsandbowtie's bad teacher was like Cameron Diaz's bad teacher character in Bad Teacher.

I had a math teacher my sophomore year of high school that would have the smartest kids teach the more dumb kids while she sat on her ass texting. She was later fired for drinking on the job.

11.Goestoeleven11's teacher just wanted to support vital public institutions.

I had points taken off a report since I didn't get the book I referenced from a library. My mother who was a teacher at a different high school went there and bitched her out. We complained that she was purposely giving me bad grades due to other issues but they wouldn't let me transfer to a different class.

12. Well, maybe SakuOtaku deserved to be bullied?

In 6th grade, our social studies teacher was the worst.

Some of the things she did: -When talking about immigrants, she said that they usually opened up restaurants. IE: Said that a lot of Chinese immigrants opened up Chinese restaurants, etc (I mean, my Chinese friend's family DOES own a buffet, but that was beside the point)

-While telling us about the values of recycling, she told us that if you throw a banana peel on the ground, it will NEVER go away and decompose.

-She showed a propaganda video that was basically "Global Warming isn't man-caused, it's just the earth naturally going through a cycle!"

-A kid bullied me in home room and said a disgusting comment about me, and I told the teacher, who only nodded and proceeded to talk to ask the kid how he was doing, not even punishing him to my knowledge.

13. PM_ME_UR_CLEAVE's story is #13 on purpose (also, gross username, bro).

I had a teacher afraid of the number 13, wouldn't put them on tests, wouldn't work on the 13th of any month

14. Swagyolo420's teacher secretly worked for Google.

I had a English teacher who literally NEVER answered a question asked by students(cause she's dumb) She always redirects the question to the smartest kid in the class or say "look it up online".

15. Mdcastle's teacher will be missing out on the 2022 FIFA World Cup.

2nd grade teacher thought there was no such country as "Qatar" because "All English words that start with "Q" have a "U" after that.

16. BoltWire's professor had déja vu all over again.

In my college math class we had a teacher that didn't know what the hell he was teaching. literally 0 help when we had questions. constantly contradicting himself.

79% of the class failed the mid term, so they school re-fired him.

Yes. Re-fired. He was fired before for not being a good teacher.

17. RoelOrSomething barely had a teacher or something.

Hoo, boy, where do I begin… Student from México here. I went to a shit public middle school. When I entered 9th grade, the history teacher had just left and the chemistry teacher couldn't teach all four 9th grade classrooms, so we needed a new teacher for two totally different subjects in my class. Introducing: Mrs. Estela. Now, Mrs. Estela was barely a teacher. We seriously have no idea where the principal got her from. So, here go some stories:

She made us print the glosary section of the book on our notebooks.

She said greenhouse effect occurs in winter. (greenhouse effect = efecto invernadero; winter = invierno). You could easily tell she was just making shit up.

We had a class starting by drawing some lines in our notebooks. When we were done… well, that was it. She just made us draw lines. What the fuck, lady?

She tried to draw all the different lab instruments on the whiteboard and failed miserably. I swear to God, all of them looked like penises. 14-year-old me couldn't stop laughing. 17-year-old me still does.

The other chemistry teacher had to explain the lab activity (we don't wanna give the chlorhydric acid flask to the crazy lady). He kept her as far as he could from everything the whole class.

We all unanimously decided to fire her. Students, teachers, the principal. I can't believe she lasted for more than two weeks. I wish I could say I feel bad for her. But I would be lying.

Pop star/"Aryan goddess" Taylor Swift, 26, and actor/Nordic god Tom Hiddleston, 35, were spotted doing some Teutonic smooching on the beach on Tuesday. Someecards does not have permission to use the photos, which were printed in the British tabloid The Sun on Wednesday, but here is an approximate representation:

Your Perfect Princess Swift just broke up with the DJ Calvin Harris a couple of weeks earlier. Harris had tweeted a nice sentiment about the break-up on June 2nd, writing "The only truth here is that a relationship came to an end & what remains is a huge amount of love and respect." Today he deleted that tweet and unfollowed Swift on Twitter.

Previously, Swift and Hiddleston were filmed dancing together at the Met Gala, which occurred while Swift and Harris were still dating.

Of course, as your grandma always used to say, dancing isn't f*cking.

Kelly Osborne, daughter of Sharon and Ozzy, got a head tattoo today, but luckily she avoided looking like Mike Tyson. The tattoo says "Solidarity." Osborne says that although she had wanted the ink for a while, she was prompted to finally get it in the wake of the shootings in Orlando.

The caption reads:

Solidarity: "Noun. Unity of feeling of individuals with a common interest or purpose." Individually, we have rights and unique gifts. Together, we have strength and powerful harmony. I have wanted to get this tattoo for a long time. The tragedy in Orlando devastated me and reminded me that every moment of our lives is precious. Every human is precious. Love hard. Live gracefully, authentically and with conviction, respect, purpose and compassion. Together we achieve what is impossible to those who stand alone. Those of us who embrace and respect freedom stand together, progress together, celebrate together and grieve together. You are not alone.

Previously, Osborne appeared to have straight-up written "Solidarity" on the side of her head in marker:

She didn't just get "solidarity" tattoed on her head, however. Because symmetry is important, this is what the other side of her head looks like:

She's going to have to keep shaving her head to make room for more.

Abortion is one of the most controversial topics in America, with the pro-lifers and pro-choicers debating whether a woman should be the one in charge of her body, or if zygotes and angry men in suits should be the ones calling the shots. As bitter as the debate is, almost all Americans agree that abortion should be limited after a certain date—unless there are health risks meriting an exception. ​Jia Tolentino, a writer at Jezebel, interviewed a woman who called herself Elizabeth (not her real name) about her experience of getting an abortion at 32 weeks after finding out that her son would not be able to survive outside of the womb.

Elizabeth, a 35-year-old professional, lives with her husband in Brooklyn. The couple suffered a heart-breaking miscarriage at 10 weeks with their first pregnancy, but wanted to continue to try to conceive. Eventually, the two did, but there were minor complications with the pregnancy early on.

It was around 16 weeks, I think, when we got the scan that looked like his feet were turned in—like club feet. Our doctor said he was OK, that we’d just keep watching it. Then, also around that time, we found out that I had a weird umbilical cord, or velamentous cord insertion. Normally, an umbilical cord is implanted in the center of a placenta; mine was way on the edge. That affects blood flow, affects how blood and nutrients get to the baby, so they put me on rest. And, unrelated, I was also bleeding—these huge bleeds that looked like I was having a heavy period.

Trusting her doctor's word, she continued cautiously with the pregnancy despite the complications. Elizabeth and her husband were nervous, and chose not to really tell anyone about the pregnancy except for close friends and family members. The news bad news kept coming, but each time, doctors assured them that the pregnancy was viable. That is, until they visited again around 31 weeks:

We went back to get a growth scan, and we saw the growth had fallen off a cliff. And this was the first time that we had been presented with this idea that there was something deeply wrong with the baby that had nothing to do with me. Until that point, all the really bad news had been with me, and my weird body. He had been thriving despite the environment.

But on this scan, he’d gone from the 37th percentile to the 8th. And he wasn’t swallowing.

That is when doctors knew that something was very, very wrong. After a week of talking to specialists and running tests, doctors told Elizabeth that her son was "incompatible with life," and would die after being born because he would be unable to breathe outside the womb.

To be clear, if the doctors thought there was any way he might make it, I would have taken that chance. I truly would have put myself through anything. What I came to accept was the fact that I would never get to be this little guy’s mother—that if we came to term, he would likely live a very short time until he choked and died, if he even made it that far. This was a no-go for me. I couldn’t put him through that suffering when we had the option to minimize his pain as much as possible.

Adding to the heartbreaking decision facing Elizabeth was the fact that she had undergone brain surgery a few years before conceiving. This meant that even had she carried the pregnancy to term and tried to give birth, she ran the risk of something "popping in her head" and killing her in labor. Alternatively, she could get major abdominal surgery to deliver a child who would likely not survive longer than a few minutes after being born. Instead, Elizabeth and her husband flew to Colorado (where third-term abortions are legal) to receive a shot that would stop the baby's heart.

Then they do the sonogram. They put the screen behind your head so you don’t have to look. And then it’s time for the shot, and this was the only time my husband wasn’t with me throughout the entire eight months. He couldn’t come in. I felt like maybe they are really careful about people being forced to do this; you can tell they are conscious of all the possible scenarios.

Finally, she received the shot.

Even after all this, Elizabeth still wants to become a mother and has thought about trying again.

I don’t want to wait too long, I guess. I don’t have that many years left. I don’t want to do it so soon that we’re not ready emotionally, but I also know we’re going to be freaked out the next time we try to do this no matter what. I’ve let go of the idea of a happy pregnancy. That’s just never going to happen for me. And that’s fine.

You can read the interview in its entirety here.

When some people hear the word "fetish," or "kink," they immediately get an image of someone wanting to be fed with a baby bottle while wearing a diaper.

And while that's definitely a thing some people enjoy, it's basically a cliché (unless you're doing it—that's less cliché than joking about it). In reality, there's such a wide spectrum of what's normal or abnormal during sex.

And the best way to find out what everyone else is thinking (besides open and honest communication blah blah blah) is to talk about it anonymously on the Internet. That's what these randos did on an AskReddit thread when someone prompted them to share the kinks that get them off, and also when and how they discovered that they were into their particular...thing.

At minimum, this is a juicy read, and if you're lucky (like JanieMaeCrawford, who discovered her sexual fetish was reading this list), maybe you'll discover something that turns you on that you never even thought about before.

We have a lot to look forward to. Lets dive in deep:

1. snooper_sand_legend tells us about becoming "human trash" with his gf only a few days ago:

Just the other day, actually. Girlfriend was over and we were messing around, trying to creep each other out by being generally weird and gross, the usual. She decided to whisper "fuck me daddy" in a slightly higher pitch than her normal voice in my ear to really creep me out.

Nope, instant hard-on.

One intense pounding later and we've both accepted that daddy/daughter is going to be a regular thing with us and that we are probably human trash and we're both more than okay with that.

Who else thinks "trying to creep each other out" was really "testing the waters to see if we are into the same thing"?

2. bi-pornaccount traded his girlfriend for some pretty panties.

Girlfriend at the time left for an early meeting one morning. I didn't get back to sleep, so I bummed around, eventually I tried on her panties... and there was only one way to get my boner down from that point.

Now girlfriend-less, I still love wearing panties and have some other lingerie too.

3. monksarehunks shares about how reading erotica is her jam. She is also a powerful lesson as to why people should be telling girls about masturbation:

Reading literotica.com as a kid. I didn't really know what I was doing, but I felt weird and excited when I read certain genres of stories. Ended up narrowing it down to nonconsent/reluctance (like being blackmailed into having sex). Also didn't know girls even could masturbate so I just scooted back and forth in my chair a lot, lol.

4. plax1780 wants to bang your mom.

Was in swimming pool when I lived at home about 16 years old and saw 40 year old neighbor bending over tending to her garden. That started my MILF addiction!

5. 73508 shares her thing for takers.

Important: am lesbian

So there are these creatures called pillow princesses. Its basically (straight)girls who love getting head from lesbians but will never give anything in return. Most lesbians hate them. However, something about pleasuring a girl just because I want to make her feel good and not because I want something in return just...idk, I love it. Its not a control thing though, I've tried submission, don't like it one bit. Its more like a "doing something nice" fetish? Idk. Anywho, happy to serve, ladies

Edit: just for clarification, I am not a butch, I'm about as femme as it gets, so this isn't a lack-of-sex-anyways thing

And as luck would have it, 75308's post is the reason apostrophie just discovered her fetish for being on the other end of that! She reponds:

TIL that I'm a pillow princess. I've never tried having sex with a girl because I didn't know they'd be into that. I'd just want to make out, cuddle and feel a chick's tongue on my clit. :(

6. penguinoscun is every porn-addict's dream girl.

Cumshots. I used to think that guys should only cum into a condom or into my mouth after oral. Quick clean up, right? But a few months ago my friend and I were fooling around and he asked if he could finish on me and I thought hell, why not. I now know what I've been missing. I don't know what it is either, something about having that mess on my body makes me feel dirty and I like it.

7. And because life is all about balance, here's tdasnowman, the heterosexual woman's dream dude who is obsessed with your vagina.

Pussy, as a kid I never went through that girls are gross stage never understood why the other boys didn't like spending time with girls. But yea, pussy I love the look of it, way each one is different, the taste. Lips I love them all innies, outies, really pronounced labia give it to me.Puffy pussy OMG! When I say your not going to see my face for an hour I mean it. When it started, playing doctor as a little kid showed a friend mine but when she showed me hers my only thought was man that looks fun to play with.

8. Rivuzu is a dude who was indulged in his fetish early on and now can't go back.

Being rough with my partner. General control things. Denying orgasms and/or making them work to earn it.

And it makes me feel shitty most of the time, but it's the only thing that gets me interested these days. Had a few partners who allowed me to indulge early on, and I've never been the same since.

9. Throwawayjay1776 was that kid behind your house who never had any clothes on.

Public nudity. I grew up not to far from a large area of woods with a creek running through it. There were some hikers and fishing but not a lot since it was a pretty rural area. When I was 11 or so, I'd ride my bike there and took my clothes off. I'd leave them in a pile and stand there. Eventually I'd get farther and farther away from them. It felt amazing. Air hitting you everywhere. Had some awkward run ins, but nothing scary. Yeah, being outside naked is a turn on.

Ok, but for the adults finding a naked child in the woods, that would cause sheer panic.

10. SEND_DICKPICS wants your dad in the room.

I love "subtle" sexytime. When my first boyfriend and I were together, we were chilling at his house watching a movie on the sofa under a blanket. His dad comes in and watches with us, and they start just chatting normally, and I feel his hand start to wander up my thigh. For about 20 minutes he's getting me off with his finger while his dad's sitting about 6 feet away. Having to keep biting my lip to try and keep quiet was so tough but so hot.​

11. CDNblondie wants to breastfeed her beau.

The thought of my SO sucking milk out of my breasts. I know how fucked it sounds since it's a mother/child thing but for some reason it really turns me on. (I am not lactating btw, never have) When he sucks my nipples during sexy time my eyes get all criss cross feeling and my whole body just gets super horny. The thought of milk coming out and him drinking it makes it even hotter.

12. Correct_MyEnglishPls describes how he got into feet.

Getting a footjob. I assume it's because the very first time a girl touched my penis was actually with her feet.

Then he gets into some dicey cousin stuff, which you can read here.

13. iaccidentallyawesome discovered she was an Anglophile while on a trip.

Englishmen. I found out when I visited London and lived in a constant state of arousal.

14. Did you know people get off on hiccups? It's so remote, it took Elacular a pretty long time to figure out that that's what she was into.

Hmmmm...I don't remember the first time I found out I was into it, mainly because I'm pretty sure I was born with mine. I get super turned on by hiccups. To the point where it's a fetish as defined by somewhat dubious science (meaning, it's something I just can't cum without it being involved somehow). Everything about them just drives me crazy. The embarrassed little giggle after loud ones, the way the neck caves in, seeing the chest jerk and their whole body lift up if they're upright, or seeing them rock back with the force...

And oh lord, bellies! Bellies with hiccups are just...nnngh. The way a person's belly moves when they hiccup, especially if the hiccups are really strong and they're laying down. Just seeing the way it bounces, or seeing the motion roll through their whole torso...or if they're strong enough, seeing them lift their whole body off wherever they're lying...oooohhhhhhlord. My biggest fantasy is to straddle someone's belly while they're hiccuping, maybe with a dildo in one or both holes, and just press my clit to their stomach and fffffeeel it.

What took me longer wasn't to realize that I had a thing for hiccups, but to figure out what the hell that "thing" was. I grew up in a conservative catholic household where I didn't know what a dick was until I was 14. So it took me an embarrassingly long time to understand why I didn't want anyone to know what I was googling.

15. snarky_cat gets turned on every time you raise the roof.

My then gf was riding me while her hands are up holding her hair up.. That's when I found out that I love armpits.. Those damn sexy sweaty hairless armpits.

And finally, here's the weirdest response on there, the one person on the Internet whose kink is so perverse, he won't even share it anonymously. bionix90 wrote:

Nice try. Google and I are taking that shit to the grave.

Whatever it is, its definitely not porn. No one looks for porn on Google anymore.*

*Except maybe this guy.

Writing is hard, and writing without repeating yourself is very, very hard—but as you may have already noticed, one of the most repeated words in English is the intensifying modifier "very." That's why the website ProofreadingServices.com created this chart of 128 words you can use instead of placing "very" in front of a more common word. For example, describing someone as "destitute" or "penniless" is more descriptive than "very poor."

Now, look: "very" is a great word. It's superb. Excellent. Outstanding. It's versatile, robust, clear, useful, direct, and powerful. It's very good. That said, it gets used very, very, very frequently, and that can become very repetitive and very boring very quickly. Not all of these words are perfect (many pedants have already pointed out that "exact" is not really an exact replacement for "very accurate"). Not all of them will fit your needs, but if you write a lot and want to avoid sounding dull and generic, this list will be very useful to you. Indispensable, even.

Spotify has announced that it's pairing with dating app Bumble so that your favorite musical artists can feed directly into your Bumble profile for all to see. This might seem like a good idea, until you remember that your self-reported favorite artists and what Spotify defines as your favorite artists are two very different things. So basically, if you hate-play Kendra Wilkinson's "Lost in Space"* enough times for your friends that she becomes one of your "favorite artists," the app will let every eligible (and ineligible) match on the app know.

The good news is that the link isn't automatic. You have to set up the connection between Spotify and Bumble—this isn't a U2 album, after all. And duh, seeing a potential match's musical interests can be really helpful. Although, as Spotify's press release basically notes, the feature can also help psychopaths trying to weasel their way into your heart:

If you’re eager to learn more about the artist displayed (and get some bonus talking points for your potential connection), you can click on the artist which will take you to the artist page on Spotify.

See? You don't have to like the same music as someone; you can just listen to everything before the date so you can pretend to like it. Apps sure are making dating more authentic!

* Haven't heard it? It's very dislikable, except for the actual Lost in Space clips. See?

Because the internet is an every-expanding digital hoarder house with a niche for everything, "kids repeatedly throwing eggs at their parents" has become an entire video genre. The most recent entry is this father who has excellent reflexes and who has also probably removed his son from his will. Which is a shame, because that means this kid won't be inheriting that sweet beige sectional couch.

But it was worth it.

It can be difficult to feel hopeful after a tragedy of the magnitude of the Orlando nightclub shooting this past Sunday​. Yet after the event, many people have come together to support one another, deciding to combat hate with love, and stand in solidarity with those who need it most. This display of unity was evident on a recent Jet Blue flight to Orlando, where one victim's grandmother was flying to be with family. Kelly Davis Karas, a flight attendant, shared a photo of 20-year-old Orlando shooting victim Luis Omar Ocasio-Capo on her Facebook page, and told the beautiful story of how an aircraft full of strangers came together to comfort a woman who had just lost her grandson.

Below is a picture of Luis Omar Ocasio-Capo. Omar, as his friends and family called him, was a Latino man gunned down at an LGBTQ bar in Orlando last weekend. He was 20-years-old.

Today my dear friend Melinda and I had the sad privilege of attending to his grandmother on our flight as she made her journey to Orlando to join her family during this unspeakable time.

Knowing she was making this hard journey alone, JetBlue employees made sure to be at her side every step of the way. Melinda stood quietly by her wheelchair while we waited until it was time to board. Kellie, the gate agent, boarded with her and helped get her settled. Melinda and I gave her a blanket, a pillow, a box of tissues and water so she could be as comfortable as possible. She was understandably distraught, but met us with kindness and gentleness. And gratitude.

But here's where our flight got truly inspiring. I had the idea to pass around a piece of paper to everyone on board and invite them to sign it for this grieving grandmother. I talked it over with Melinda and she started the process from the back of the plane. As we took beverage orders, we whispered a heads up about the plan as we went.

Halfway through, Melinda called me, "Kel, I think you should start another paper from the front. Folks are writing PARAGRAPHS." So I did. Then we started one in the middle. Lastly, running out of time on our hour and fifteen minute flight, we handed out pieces of paper to everyone still waiting.

When we gathered them together to present them to her, we didn't have just a sheet of paper covered in names, which is what I had envisioned. Instead, we had page after page after page after page of long messages offering condolences, peace, love and support. There were even a couple of cash donations, and more than a few tears.

That isn't even where the kindness stops. Passengers still wanted to offer the grandmother more support, even if it meant taking a little more time to vacate the plane after landing.

When we landed, I made an announcement that the company had emailed to us earlier in the morning to use as an optional addition to our normal landing announcement, which states "JetBlue stands with Orlando." Then with her permission and at the request of a couple of passengers, we offered a moment of silence in Omar's memory.

As we deplaned, EVERY SINGLE PERSON STOPPED TO OFFER HER THEIR CONDOLENCES. Some just said they were sorry, some touched her hand, some hugged her, some cried with her. But every single person stopped to speak to her, and not a single person was impatient at the slower deplaning process.

I am moved to tears yet again as I struggle to put our experience into words. In spite of a few hateful, broken human beings in this world who can all too easily legally get their hands on mass assault weapons - people ARE kind. People DO care. And through our customers' humanity today, and through the generosity of this wonderful company I am so grateful to work for, I am hopeful that someday soon we can rally together to make the world a safer place for all.

I will never forget today. ‪#‎Orlandoproud‬

It's almost Father's Day, so you know what that means—time to buy your father a present. Or, if you want a different father, now you can just buy one. Funny person Jeff Wysaski took it upon himself to make up and distribute some hilarious flyers to his neighbors, advertising some pretty sweet deals on dads available for purchase at Frisco's Dad Source (just like everything else, the best place to buy a dad is online).

As well as the hard copies, Wysaski posted the circulars to his tumblr (Obvious Plant), as well as on the Facebook page by the same name and on Reddit, where the pictures made the front page within a few hours.

Look at all those dads! Wysaski even made a commercial showcasing some of the available dads. Do you want a Gary or a Bryce? Supportive dad Christopher, or trampoline-owner Manuel? The sky's the limit when it comes to your dad choices.

But it just goes to show what everyone has always suspected—Father's Day is only a fabricated holiday, made up by the media to sell more fathers.

The couple you've been shipping since that late '90s show (yeah, That '70s Show is that old, as are you) are continuing to expand their very nice-looking family.

A rep for Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher confirmed to People that Kutcher's sperm successfully fertilized one of Kunis's eggs. 32-year-old Kunis is now carrying around a little zygote. Congrats!

Helping welcome the baby into the world will be 20-month-old Wyatt Isabelle, the couple's first child (and Ashton's fourth if you count former step-children Rumer, Tallulah, and Scout from his Demi Moore days).

Kunis and Kutcher, who tied the knot last year, have been quite open about how much they like each other, as well as about what they do in bed.

Three years ago, before their romance was public, Ellen coyly asked Mila Kunis about their relationship. Girl was a giggly mess.

When Wyatt was a newborn, Kutcher gushed about how much he loves her and how he's so busy assembling all these things now.

These people go on Ellen a lot. That's not a complaint.

While James Corden'sCarpool Karaoke with the Red Hot Chili Peppers was all fun, games, and topless men, it turns out there was a heroic moment that CBS hasn't aired. In a saga that begins with dancing, Anthony Kiedis saved a baby.

"We had a glorious dance-off after the wrestle-off, which led to a very interesting, unscripted moment," Kiedis told Chris Moyles on a Radio X interview. The dance-off, which at some point in the future the Internet should get to see, was a tie. Then the RHCP and Corden decided that their dancing and wrestling efforts should be rewarded.

"We were going to celebrate with some Mexican food around the corner," Kiedis said, "and a woman came out of her house holding a child, saying 'My baby, my baby, my baby can't breathe!'" The moment didn't exactly match the tone of Carpool Karaoke.

"We all ran across the street," Kiedis recounted. "The lady thrust the baby into my arms. The baby was not breathing." Because the baby ends up OK, take a moment to imagine yourself randomly shoving your baby into the arms of Anthony Kiedis.

Kiedis continued: "I thought, 'I'm going to try and do a little baby CPR real quick to see if I can get some air into this kid. I tried to open the mouth." Kiedis said the kid's mouth was "locked shut."

Kiedis "started rubbing the belly" of the baby. "Bubbles started coming out of the mouth, the eyes rolled back into place. The ambulance showed up. I handed the baby over, who was breathing and fine and we went back to Carpool Karaoke."

As Kiedis, father of eight-year-old Everly Bear, casually explained, "When you're a dad, and somebody yells, 'My baby,' you jog across the street."

Uh, how on Earth did everyone manage to keep their chill after that? Now that you know about this incident, you should re-watch the Carpool Karaoke to see if Kiedis's face gives away any indication that he is a hero.

In the wake of the slightly surprising news that Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift like making out on rocks, Calvin Harris has retaliated against his ex in a way most suitable for a teenager or a 30-something celebrity. It first came to light that Harris had deleted his tweet regarding his break-up from Swift and how it was all good between them.

Aside from deleting that nice message, Harris subtweeted Swift (then deleted his tweet), unfollowed her brother, and blocked Taylor fans.

As a reminder, Harris's break-up message read: "The only truth here is that a relationship came to an end & what remains is a huge amount of love and respect." It now appears there is some new truth, as aside from his Twitter rampage, Harris went through and deleted photos of Swift from his Instagram.

This used to be a picture of Taylor Swift, who he no longer follows on Instagram, posing on the beach:

Now it's nothing, which is the exact opposite of what Calvin Harris is feeling after learning about Hiddleswift.

Harris has moved on in terms of posting photos of attractive women to his Instagram.

In a promotion for his song "This Is What you Came For" with Rihanna, Harris posted two pics of RiRi.

Adding to the high school drama is a report from TMZ in which a source proclaims that Harris is "pissed and feels betrayed by [Swift]." The source also suggested that Harris felt something was awry in their relationship in early May, which is when Swift and Hiddleston bonded on the Met Gala dance floor.

Kevin Hart—little man, big star—took on James Corden—big man, little star—in a rap battle for the ages. Much like inCorden's surprisingly awesome rap battle against David Schwimmer,the two dropped bars and burns, Hart killing it with the line, "I admit people are nice to your face, until they get home and realize you're not Ricky Gervais." There were short jokes galore, with Corden offering Hart a stepping stool and firing off with “You might Think Like a Man, but you’re built like a boy.”

For everyone already nostalgic about the Tony Awards, Hamilton does make an appearance, Hart rapping “Carpool Karaoke, how long that last? How do you rap with your head up Lin-Manuel’s ass?” Hart is as merciless a rapper as Thomas Jefferson.

Many have roasted presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump over the past couple of months of this ridiculous election cycle, but none as eloquently as Iraq War veteran Corbin Reiff. After Trump made a statement suggesting that U.S. soldiers have stolen money while serving abroad, Reiff took to his Twitter to post a pretty scathing rant about the reality show hostpolitician.

At a rally on Tuesday, The Donald spoke about his suspicions that soldiers were skimming off the money the government had intended for reconstruction projects in Iraq.

Iraq, crooked as hell. How about bringing baskets of money - millions and millions of dollars - and handing it out? I want to know who were the soldiers that had that job, because I think they're living very well right now, whoever they may be.

According to Politico, this statement is in reference to "many known instances" of American soldiers who took U.S. government cash intended for reconstruction projects in Iraq. Being accused of being a thief while serving the country did not sit right with former Sergeant Reiff, and he, in his own words, went on "a bit of a rant."

By the way, what were you doing when you were 21?

Now Reiff goes on to explain why what Trump said about soldiers stealing money is not true. And he is the guy who dealt with the money, so he would probably know.

Now he really goes in.

Damn. Hope Hicks, Trump's campaign spokesperson, claimed that Trump was referring to Iraqi soldiers and not American soldiers, but many remain unconvinced. (Someone get Hope a drink; that woman has a tough job.)

Since Reiff's sound-off on Twitter, he has been interviewed on MSNBC and the NBC Nightly News.

Thousands have retweeted Reiff's message, even though they all probably hated Trump to begin with. Before dropping the political discussion once and for all, he signed off by saying: