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Article 56


17 dads who shouldn't be allowed on Facebook.

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Dads are at their best when they’re telling bad jokes, obsessing over their interests, and being gross. These are exactly the same things people do on Facebook, which makes dads and Facebook a perfect match! (Except when it’s your dad.) Here are some people unfortunate enough to be friends with their filter-free fathers on Facebook.


1. Dads make dad jokes.


2. Dads make…Tinder jokes?


3. Dads make poop jokes.


4. Dads love reminding you that they are sexual beings.


5. Dads love reminding you that they have had sex with your mom.


6. Like, that’s their favorite thing. (That and dad jokes.)


7. Dads get drunk.


8. Dads will embarrass you in front of your friends and the whole Internet.


9. Dads are quick to anger.


10. They’re not mad, just disappointed.


11. Dads are weird.


12. Dads have a default setting of inappropriate.


13. Dads shouldn’t be allowed on Facebook, really.


14. Dads make bad decisions.


15. Dads go on and on about…who knows what.


16. Dads are super passive-aggressive.


17. Dads will show you what's what.

Article 54

Ellen Degeneres' 10 most unforgettable pranks in honor of 'Finding Dory.'

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Finding Dorycame out in theaters on June 17 after over a decade of anticipation, and Ellen DeGeneres is as lovable a fish as she is a human. In honor of Ellen's first big blockbuster since, well, Finding Nemo, and Dory's hilarious sense of whimsy, here are Ellen's best pranks, where she trolls celebs and makes sure they just keep swimming. No celebrity is safe: Especially not Dennis Quaid.

1. Adele's spiked smoothie at Jamba Juice.

Ellen was in Adele's ear on a trip to Jamba Juice, where the British songstress got to munch on wheatgrass like a deer in the forest and compare it to its British equivalent, "Swishy Chug."

2. Matt Lauer's nipple pasties at the Emmys

Embroiled in a longstanding prank war, Ellen got Matt Lauer in front of all their colleagues at the esteemed daytime Emmys. Using some clever editing action, she got Matt to show off his shimmy and six-pack, and to donate $1,000 to charity for every winner who thanked him. In addition to brokering a prank peace to their prank war, Matt and Ellen donated thousands of dollars to Nepal earthquake relief.

3. The even-less-efficient barista

Equipped with a hidden camera and an earpiece, Ellen fed lines to a sweet barista named Vivian that she could use to annoy customers. That included a good amount of meowing and bragging about her lovers.

4. Jennifer Lopez's job interviews

Jenny from the Block had Ellen in her ear while searching for an assistant with perfect phone etiquette. "Do you realize how famous I am?" was an important question on the job hunt as she telepathically summoned one of the candidates.

5. David Beckham's thumbless massage

Ellen helped Beckham through a very particular massage, having him ask the poor, unsuspecting masseuse to go thumb-free and focus on the index finger. Beckham was on full thumb-patrol trying to find the perfect pressure, and lamenting, "sometimes it's so hard to be pretty."

6. Justin Bieber's security guard job

The Biebs went undercover as a security guard, detecting metal, testing sobriety, and confiscating snacks from Ellen's audience. Bieber's at his most charming when he's not himself.

7. Steve Harvey's audience Q & A

Ellen messed with another one of her daytime colleagues, this time getting Steve Harvey to dish out bad advice to his studio audience and getting him to confess that his mustache is fake and made of dryer lint. A funny bit, but Harvey still seems stupider on his own, as Miss Colombia could attest.

8. "Dennis Quaid is here!"

This time around, Ellen wasn't in the ear of the barista, but the ear of the customer, as Dennis Quaid proudly announced his presence while entering a Starbucks. Ellen made Quaid do a call and response sing-along and spit and gargle his water, all while referring to himself third person.

9. Amy Poehler's freestyle rap

Poehler made some new friends on a Hollywood studio tour, even if one of those friends might have stolen her purse.

10. Heidi Klum's hug attack

Still looking gorgeous in layers of Warner Brothers advertising at the studio gift shop, Klum had a spontaneous dance party and freaked out shoppers with some surprise hugs.

This designer daddy makes perfect Disney costumes for his kids and the whole family.

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Nephi Garcia, a 32-year-old father of three, makes costumes for his family that truly embody the whole "Disney magic" thing. Sure, your dad may have taught you how to fish and how to catch a baseball, but after seeing this you're going to wish that he had a sewing machine, too.

And twirling time with the birdies! #designerdaddy #cinderella #costume #cosplay #disneyland

A video posted by Designer Daddy (@designerdaddy_) on

No, seriously. THESE DRESSES ARE MAGIC. After seeing this, you are going to want one no matter how old you are.

According to BuzzFeed, Garcia's designing career began in high fashion, but after he had children, things started to shift to be a little more kid-friendly. He uploads his creations to his Instagram account, @designerdaddy_.

So this is love #Cinderella and Princecharming #designerdaddy

A photo posted by Designer Daddy (@designerdaddy_) on

May the force be with you. #padmeamidala #ewok #designerdaddy #starwars #cosplay

A photo posted by Designer Daddy (@designerdaddy_) on

But he still makes amazing outfits for the physically mature but young at heart.

He told BuzzFeed that it takes him about four to six hours to complete a child's costume, and up to 48 for an adult's, but that still isn't much time considering the crazy amount of detail.

"This is the day where all your dreams come true!" #gaston 💪🏻 #beautyandthebeast #designerdaddy

A photo posted by Designer Daddy (@designerdaddy_) on

Children's dresses start at $600, adults' at $1800. They're definitely not cheap, but Garcia says that's because he does not make cheap products.

Happy #halloween everyone!!! 😈👹🌚🍎🎃🔮🍬🍭 #designerdaddy #reginamills #onceuponatime #evilqueen

A photo posted by Designer Daddy (@designerdaddy_) on

“I hope that someday I can make costumes for Broadway shows or live-action movies,” Garcia said in his interview with BuzzFeed, “But I will never give up making pieces for people who are not in the industry—I like to give them quality outfits that they can’t get anywhere else.”

Honestly, Disney should probably just hire the guy outright.

Article 51

The 'Fuller House' cast is sharing new set photos in case you're nostalgic for February.

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The Fuller Housecast is finally reunited! After several weeks, nay, months apart, the seminal show you loved all the way back in February is returning to Netflix, and the Tanner-Fuller family is back in action! The nostalgia over the show that brought us DJ, Stephanie, Kimmy, and the iconic—at least, they will be one day, or not—kids Jackson, Max, Tommy, and Ramona has propelled them into a second season. The cast is instagramming pics from the first table read, and they just won't cut it out.

Guess who's back? #FullerHouse #UncleJesse #GrandpaDanny #Season2

A photo posted by Candace Cameron Bure (@candacecbure) on

Looking super serious during a super fun Fuller House Thanksgiving episode table read. #fullerhouse

A photo posted by Scott Weinger (@scottweinger) on

Table reading time for A Fuller House Thanksgiving!! #fullhousefamily #fullerhouse #season2

A photo posted by Jodie Sweetin (@jodiesweetin) on

Scott Weinger (aka Steve the Podiatrist/Aladdin) is providing a glimpse into the love triangle playing DJ.

The showdown begins. First Fuller House table read today! #teamsteve #teammatt @candacecbure @thejohnbrotherton

A photo posted by Scott Weinger (@scottweinger) on

The actors are psyched to return to the iconic set.

Back on the couch... #fullerhouse

A photo posted by Scott Weinger (@scottweinger) on

And so it begins again... Season 2 @FullerHouse @netflix #letsdothis

A photo posted by Bob (@bobsaget) on

The new generation of Tanner/Gibbler kids are equally psyched, but way cuter.

Two adorable child actors on tape night @eliasharger #fullerhouse

A photo posted by Scott Weinger (@scottweinger) on

I think I'm enjoying this too much. #fullerhouse #tapenight

A photo posted by Scott Weinger (@scottweinger) on

And John Stamos stopped by the real Full House house and, well, it's the bomb.

Back at work today on #FullerHouse. Check it out, I'm at the real Tanner house having a blast!

A video posted by John Stamos (@johnstamos) on

Study reveals how many couples actually muster the energy to have sex on their wedding night.

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A new study conducted by the lingerie company Bluebella (who else?) sought to put the minds of many newlyweds at ease by revealing exactly how many couples actually summon the energy to have sex on their wedding nights. Bluebella's crack team of lingerie researchers surveyed 1,000 married couples to find out exactly when they first consummated their marital bed. The results may come as a surprise, except to married people. They know what's up.

This is honestly more realistic.

According to the study, only 48% of married couples had sex on their wedding night. That's less than half, for anybody who's extremely bad at math. Of the rest, about a third finally did the deed the next morning, while ten percent waited 48 hours or more before finally, begrudgingly, getting laid.

The 52% of participants in the survey who waited to have sex were asked for their reasons, which tended to break down on gender lines. Most women said they were too tired, although some said they were too drunk, they wanted the moment to be special (i.e. they were not drunk enough), or they had to travel for their honeymoon. Men, on the other hand, were mostly just too drunk. Or they still wanted to party with their groomsbros.

You have the rest of your life to have sex. Drink up.

84% of respondents said that when they finally did have sex, it lived up to their expectations, which is an encouraging number. Part of that may have to do with the 89% of brides who said they bought special lingerie just for the wedding night.

Because if there's one thing weddings need, it's another expensive outfit you'll never wear again.

Did you have sex on your wedding night? Send us an email to let us know, and make sure to cc your spouse on it. We want to watch the ensuing fight.


12-year-old gets more than 80,000 people to help her fight back against bullying.

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Tayla Sekhmet is a 12-year-old student and, unfortunately, a bullying victim at Dysart State High School in Queensland, Australia. After several meetings with the school failed to resolve bullying issues for Tayla, she and her mom created a change.org petition asking people to "PLEASE, PLEASE HELP." They felt it was their last resort. As of Friday afternoon, the petition has over 80,000 signatures.

Here's an excerpt from the petition. Naturally, it's heartbreaking:

I'm the most unpopular kid at school and people make my life a living hell.

Every day people call me fatso, weirdo, ugly, freak, and tell me I should kill myself. I've been pushed to the ground, had people go through my bag, or break my scooter when I rode it to school. Even people in other grades who I don't know do these things to me too.

You can visit her petition here, which has already gained significant attention from prominent journalists and William Shatner:

After the success of the petition, Tayla's school made an "arrangement" for Tayla to "spend her breaks isolated from other students." It's not a great solution, but Tayla told the Brisbane Times she's thrilled about all the support she's received on her petition, saying, "It made me really happy to read those comments."

She's hoping for 150,000 signatures. Hopefully, in the meantime, the school administrators are searching for more ways to disrupt bullying at the school.

Article 47

Article 46

Where are they now? Catching up with the characters of 'Finding Nemo.'

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Finding Nemodebuted back in 2003, and while Finding Dorycatches up with Dory and introduces some new, lovable fish, it's time to find out what happened to your favorite characters from the original.

1. Bruce

Everyone's favorite vegetarian shark lived the rest of his long, wondrous life as a dipping device for tartar sauce.

2. Bubbles

Bubbles lived his dream to the fullest, finally finding his way onto the kid's menu at a crab shack.

3. Bloat

Beloved for his bulging, outsized eyes and even more outsized personality, Bloat was eaten at a county fair.

4. Crush

Although technically a reptile and not a fish, Crush still managed to dress up in bread crumbs and get served on a cruise ship.

5. Mr. Ray

The delightfully jolly Mr. Ray spent his days traveling, making it all the way to Oklahoma City as an after school snack.

6. Marlin

After starring in such a massive hit, Nemo's father, Marlin, left Dory behind for the more fulfilling company of a deep fryer.

Creepy identical twins who share a boyfriend want identical breasts.

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Identical twins Lucy and Anna really go to some extreme lengths to make sure that every aspect of their lives match. The two of them wear matching outfits despite no longer being dressed by their mother, measure their food out so they eat the exact same amount, and even share one boyfriend. They are really leaning in.

#bestoftheday # friends#twinning# fashion#boobs#dress#special#

A photo posted by AnnaLucy DeCinque (@annalucydecinque) on

Everything about Anna and Lucy is identical, down their creepy smiles and dead eyes. Well, everything except for one big thing. Their boobs.

Now the twins are turning to plastic surgery reality show Botched in hopes that they can make all four of their breasts look exactly alike. Even though all of this is extremely unsettling and they are scarier than the twins from The Shining, they definitely know what makes them happy. Good luck?

The little girl who played young Elizabeth in 'Pirates of the Caribbean,' Lucinda Dryzek, has grown up.

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Celebrities: no matter how hard they try, they succumb to the perils of aging just like us plebes (well, except for Paul Rudd). The most recent example: Lucinda Dryzek, the girl who played young Elizabeth Swann in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl in 2003, has grown up. And as a result, she definitely looks older. Gasp!

As a reminder, here's what Dryzek looked like in the opening scene of the movie:

And here's what she looks like now:

J/K!

Here's what she actually looks like:

New job. New hair. Old me. 💁🏼

A photo posted by Lucy Dryzek (@littlelucyd) on

Now 24, Dryzek has continued to work as an actress, most recently in Dr. Strange & Mr. Norrell. Also, here's what her cat looks like now, because she apparently has a spectacular cat:

New favourite toy courtesy of the props team at work. #catsofinstagram #catlady

A video posted by Lucy Dryzek (@littlelucyd) on

Me-ow.

The best way to get pumped for the weekend is to watch this video with ALL OF THE CRABS.

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When the water cools in Australia, it's time for crabs to go back to crab school. OK, that's not true. But now you're thinking about how awesome "crab school," would be, right? Like, this week on Crab School: Sandra learns that it doesn't matter how big her pincers are, Cole narrowly escapes a seagull, Johnny brings a knife to class, and a mysterious new student moves into town—a lobster!

Anyway, crab school unfortunately isn't a real thing (thanks for crushing that dream, SCIENCE). But the cooling water does mean that hundreds of thousands of spider crabs migrate until they're in a big crab rave where they can safely get their molt on (and provide fodder for internet videos). Take a look:


Dad holding girl and hot dogs wows stadium with one-handed catch. Daughter doesn't care.

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A father at a Philadelphia Phillies game on June 16th had the play of the day when he coolly snatched Kevin Pillar's foul ball out of the air while holding his young daughter and some hot dogs. The fan never stirred from his seat, simply raising his right arm at the elbow to pluck the ball—which would've been a homer had it been blasted a few degrees to the left—out of the air. Sports announcers and the Phillies crowd were audibly impressed. A high five was given. His daughter, snuggled in his lap, seemed like her nap had been rudely disturbed.

It's ok, dad. One day she'll watch this and realize how cool you are.

Article 38

8th grade class president impersonates the 2016 candidates, is more likable than all of them combined.

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If you were wondering whether there's anything left in America that we can all agree on, there is: 8th grade class president Jack Aiello and his impersonations of the 2016 candidates. At the graduation ceremony for Thomas Middle School, Aiello decided that instead of dispensing the wisdom he'd acquired in between elementary and high school, he would make up for Saturday Night Livebeing off the air until September.

Aiello impersonated Trump, Cruz, Obama, Clinton and Sanders—and honestly, his Cruz was better than SNL​'s (sorry, Taran Killam). His Sanders was also dead-on ("cinnamon roll revolution" is definitely the takeaway line of the whole speech) but Cruz impressions are rarer.

He even made it work when making the candidates play against type—Trump liked foreign languages, Cruz got along with Obama, and Sanders celebrated being in the top one half of one half of one percent. Most importantly, no angry parents yelled anything out at any point, and Aiello proved that you can still talk about the election without making half the room—or any of the room—go nuts.

This Father's Day, give your dad the gift of Justin Bieber falling through a trap door.

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Justin Bieber, the celebrity your dad likes to make fun of more than anybody but Kanye West, fell through a trap door at a show in Canada during his 'Purpose' tour. This mishap occurred while Biebs was attempting to adjust his baggy pants/skirt combo, a fact which your dad will love even more. Then that Canadian weirdo tried to pretend like he landed on his feet and claimed to have the reflexes of a cat, which is just the kind of thing your dad would imagine the little dweeb saying.

Obviously guilty canine criminals stonewall owner when questioned about missing snacks.

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If you ever need to pull off a heist but are worried your partners would snitch on you if caught, consider hiring the Jack Russell and Rottweiler team of BB and April, because they don't admit anything. Even though their owner had established them as being at the scene of the crime (in the house) at the time it went down ("we step out for a moment and this happens," she wrote in the description), the two master criminals refuse to even make eye contact. Lesser dogs would have ratted each other out instantly.

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