I wish I were pregnant so I could continue eating for two.

April 24, 2014, 10:32 am

≫ Next: 15 Brutally Honest Reasons Parents Take Their Kids To Work

≪ Previous: Seeing your kid at work today really put all your other mistakes into perspective.

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15 Brutally Honest Reasons Parents Take Their Kids To Work

April 24, 2014, 11:28 am

≫ Next: I look at the serving size as a jumping off point.

≪ Previous: I wish I were pregnant so I could continue eating for two.

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I look at the serving size as a jumping off point.

April 24, 2014, 11:54 am

≫ Next: I would take my kids to work if I knew which ones were mine.

≪ Previous: 15 Brutally Honest Reasons Parents Take Their Kids To Work

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I would take my kids to work if I knew which ones were mine.

April 24, 2014, 1:01 pm

≫ Next: This vodka tastes a lot like I'm not going into work tomorrow.

≪ Previous: I look at the serving size as a jumping off point.

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This vodka tastes a lot like I'm not going into work tomorrow.

April 24, 2014, 5:01 pm

≫ Next: Eat like nobody's watching.

≪ Previous: I would take my kids to work if I knew which ones were mine.

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Eat like nobody's watching.

April 25, 2014, 5:01 am

≫ Next: 21 MORE Brutally Honest Wikipedia Entries

≪ Previous: This vodka tastes a lot like I'm not going into work tomorrow.

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21 MORE Brutally Honest Wikipedia Entries

April 25, 2014, 9:01 am

≫ Next: You're the type of girl I imagine myself imagining myself with every night.

≪ Previous: Eat like nobody's watching.

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While traditional Wikipedia is an excellent tool for pretending you know something and didn't just look it up on Wikipedia, let's face it, it can also be tremendously longwinded and boring. That's where TL;DR Wikipedia (or Too Long; Didn't Read Wikipedia, if you're our dad) comes in. TL;DR Wikipedia aims to be your #1 source for fact-esque information in as few words as possible, and as you can see, is doing pretty well at it...

You're the type of girl I imagine myself imagining myself with every night.

April 25, 2014, 9:22 am

≫ Next: I'm not going to let the nice Spring weather stand in between me and a weekend spent in bed.

≪ Previous: 21 MORE Brutally Honest Wikipedia Entries

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I'm not going to let the nice Spring weather stand in between me and a weekend spent in bed.

April 25, 2014, 10:43 am

≫ Next: I'm impressed by your ability to make reckless decisions even when you're sober.

≪ Previous: You're the type of girl I imagine myself imagining myself with every night.

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I'm impressed by your ability to make reckless decisions even when you're sober.

April 25, 2014, 10:49 am

≫ Next: Let’s go pretend we enjoy eating outside.

≪ Previous: I'm not going to let the nice Spring weather stand in between me and a weekend spent in bed.

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Let’s go pretend we enjoy eating outside.

April 25, 2014, 12:01 pm

≫ Next: Thank you for taking my weak imagination into account when choosing your outfit.

≪ Previous: I'm impressed by your ability to make reckless decisions even when you're sober.

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Thank you for taking my weak imagination into account when choosing your outfit.

April 25, 2014, 12:25 pm

≫ Next: Everybody's pretending to be working for the weekend.

≪ Previous: Let’s go pretend we enjoy eating outside.

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Everybody's pretending to be working for the weekend.

April 25, 2014, 12:35 pm

≫ Next: I worked through lunch so I wouldn't feel guilty about doing nothing between 4 and 5.

≪ Previous: Thank you for taking my weak imagination into account when choosing your outfit.

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I worked through lunch so I wouldn't feel guilty about doing nothing between 4 and 5.

April 25, 2014, 1:01 pm

≫ Next: I stay home every weekend so the only thing I regret doing is staying home every weekend.

≪ Previous: Everybody's pretending to be working for the weekend.

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I stay home every weekend so the only thing I regret doing is staying home every weekend.

April 26, 2014, 6:30 am

≫ Next: I could really be falling for who you're pretending to be right now.

≪ Previous: I worked through lunch so I wouldn't feel guilty about doing nothing between 4 and 5.

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I could really be falling for who you're pretending to be right now.

April 27, 2014, 6:30 am

≫ Next: Now is always a good time to wait until later.

≪ Previous: I stay home every weekend so the only thing I regret doing is staying home every weekend.

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Now is always a good time to wait until later.

April 28, 2014, 5:01 am

≫ Next: Sorry that the worst day of the rest of your life is every Monday.

≪ Previous: I could really be falling for who you're pretending to be right now.

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Sorry that the worst day of the rest of your life is every Monday.

April 28, 2014, 6:40 am

≫ Next: Hope you have a better Monday than George Clooney's unmarried exes.

≪ Previous: Now is always a good time to wait until later.

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Hope you have a better Monday than George Clooney's unmarried exes.

April 28, 2014, 8:30 am

≫ Next: Congratulations to George Clooney on finally getting married for a few years.

≪ Previous: Sorry that the worst day of the rest of your life is every Monday.

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Congratulations to George Clooney on finally getting married for a few years.

April 28, 2014, 8:53 am

≫ Next: Good luck finding a way to root for the Clippers without seeming racist.

≪ Previous: Hope you have a better Monday than George Clooney's unmarried exes.

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