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Do you know what drinking soda does to your penis? Nothing good.

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A new scientific study is sure to upset sugar addicts who also enjoy having a penis—apparently consuming large quantities of soda (or pop, if you're from an area where people speak incorrectly) may affect men's sexual potency. Men who drink a liter of carbonated sugar water a day could see their sperm count reduced by 30%, and put themselves at greater risk of erectile dysfunction.

Yes, really.

Researchers at Copenhagen University Hospital sampled the semen of 2,554 men and found that heavy soda drinkers had an average sperm count of 35 million per milliliter, as opposed to 56 million for guys who knew when to stop going back for free refills. Meanwhile, a separate study conducted at the Nicolaus Copernicus University and the Professor Franciszek Lukaszczyk Memorial Hospital in Poland (because Europe is obsessed with this, apparently) found that drinking soda was linked to erectile dysfunction. Maybe that's why they're called "soft" drinks.

She's just rubbing it in your face.

The scientists who conducted the latter study believe that a sweetener found in cola may damage the arteries of the penis, preventing it from inflating with blood like it's supposed to when you're all horned up. And even if you do manage to get erect, your semen may be as thin and clear as Crystal Pepsi, thanks to your lowered sperm count.

Dramatization.

The good news is that the researchers from both studies concluded that there's no danger to enjoying the occasional glass of soda. It's only when men consume excessive quantities on a daily basis that it becomes a problem. And as for women, there doesn't seem to be any sexual danger at all. Just the regular dangers: obesity, cavities, diabetes… but the sex will be fine.


Hero parents bring bribes onto airplane along with with their baby twins.

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We've all been there: you board an overcrowded flight, you're in the middle seat, you're already hating your life, it can't get any worse, and then you look to your left and see a BABY! What did I do to deserve this? you think. Who are the monsters that thought this was a good idea? Why can't they accommodate ME?! Calm down, sparky. Good parents exist in the world, and at least one set of parents is taking steps to remedy this nightmare.

These parents of 18-month-old twins (twins!) were dreading flying because of this exact social dilemma. So, they decided to extend a "Please don't hate us" peace offering to their fellow passengers in the way of chocolate and a note. One of those passengers, Christina Galese, shared the gift, the note, and her story with the Facebook page Love What Matters:

Here's what Christina wrote:

As I was boarding a flight from EWR to Orlando today, I noticed most people pass up two rows of seats about half way down the plane. As I got closer, I found one row with a father and his 18-month old daughter and the other row with his wife and the daughter's twin. Because I don't mind children (and knew I had my headphones for later on, just in case) I opted for the window seat next to the father and one of the twins. The rest of the passengers boarded and the middle seat in between us was eventually occupied. Before the flight took off, the parents passed around these goodie bags to the other passengers around them. Such a thoughtful, simple act of kindness that I am so happy to have experienced.

And for the record, the twins were the most adorable and well-behaved little girls ever!! I never had to reach for the ear plugs once -- the only time I opened the bag was to have a piece of chocolate. I hope this family has the most wonderful vacation!

There's also the note the parents included. Look past the weird first-person baby voice the note is written in (stop doing this to your kids and/or pets, it's creepy AF), and you'll see two caring and responsible parents being considerate:

Hello!
Our names are Ashley & Abby. We're twins, we just turned 18 months and this is our first time on an airplane! We are heading to FL to see Grandma & Grandpa, and Mommy & Daddy said something about a mouse. We'll try to keep our cool, but in case we decide to get crazy, we've provided a sweet treat and some earplugs for your enjoyment. Thank you for understanding and enjoy your flight!

All the kudos to these two most awesome parents*!

*But next time, give out dark chocolate. It's healthier.

Guy's terrifically unromantic roof fart may have helped him find the one.

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A man with terrible self confidence got asked on a date by a "gorgeous girl." Hooray! Right? No. Now that he went on the date, all he can think about now is how badly he ruined his chances. Posting to Reddit, Milkandcookies21 explains:

So last night this very attractive girl I had been talking to and hung out with a few times as friends asked me on a date to see some fireworks and do a little stargazing. I of course accepted. This was mistake number 1.

This is already sad, because he thinks merely accepting a date with someone he likes is a mistake. It gets both better and worse.

She told me we could watch the fireworks from her rooftop so I went over to her house. The only way to get onto the roof was through a small window (keep in mind, I am not the smallest of guys). We got out there and cuddled each others' sides and watched the fireworks show and decided to head inside. Mistake 2.

OK. So far, nothing bad has happened. But heading inside was actually a bit of a mistake, because the route was treacherous and full of traps. The lonely hero of this tale—like Indiana Jones before him—fell for a booby trap. Get ready.

We go to get in through the window and she gets in first with no problem. I go to head in and my foot catches the ledge and i loose my balance. To make it worse at this same time I ripped the loudest fart of my life. So I am comically falling in front of this gorgeous girl and at the same time I rip a wet loud fart that clearly sounds like I shit myself and I am now half hanging out the window helplessly as she falls to the floor laughing in tears and won't help me inside.

He sounds like a gem. She sounds like a diamond. This dude clearly needs a girl who thinks farts and clumsiness are hilarious, and this lady clearly does. Unfortunately, the poor self-esteem of the guy kept him from seeing that this girl likes him. Soaking wet farts, ripped underwear and all.

All I can manage to say when we finally stop the laughing fits is, "At least you know I could never rob your place without you knowing." After this ordeal she called me "wet fart jet fart" because the fart propelled me through the window... so new nickname and too embarrassed to ever ask her on a second date.

Good sir, it was your lady friend who asked you on the date in the first place. Have faith she will ask you again. If not, do what you must. Buy new underwear. Give her a call. Tell her you will never go on a roof again. She will accept you. The redditors reading his story concurred:

Agreed...ask her out again Wet Jet.

Do it, Wet Jet.

'Drunkorexia' is the latest college trend to be exactly as scary as it sounds.

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Add "drunkorexia" to the list of things you may have done in college that you thought were a good idea at the time. This "rising trend" on college campuses, as Science Daily reports, is a non-medical term used to describe eating disordered behaviors, like anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating, combined with substance abuse, most often binge drinking. And according to a new study, it's growing and thriving on college campuses of America, because of course it is.

In theory, drinking on an empty stomach might seem like a good idea. Alcohol hits your system faster with no food to soak it up, which means more bang for your buck! Plus, there's society's whole obsession with dieting and body image, on top of college culture's obsession with drinking to get drunk. Combine the two and wham! Drunkorexia. A cute word for a kind of scary phenomenon.

Lunch?

In scientific terms, "drunkorexia refers to a complex pattern of drinking-related behaviors that take place before, during, and after a drinking event," Dipali V. Rinker, a research assistant professor in the department of psychology at the University of Houston, told Science Daily. "College students appear to engage in these behaviors to increase alcohol effects or reduce alcohol-related calories by engaging in bulimic-type or diet/exercising/calorie/restricted eating behaviors."

Drunkorexia​, which is both an alcohol disorder and an eating disorder, isn't anything new, say experts. "The effect is very well known and has been discussed and observed by many experts," Dr. Petros Levounis, chair of the department of psychiatry at Rutgers New Jersey Medical School, told CBS News.

What is new, according to this latest study from University of Houston, is that the behavior could be more common than previously thought. Researchers surveyed 1,184 college students, mostly from Texas, who said they had consumed alcohol heavily at least once in the past 30 days. And more than 80% said they had engaged in at least one drunkorexia-related behavior in three previous months, such as drinking to excess on an empty stomach or attempting to counteract the calorie intake of drinking with purging or extreme diet or exercise.​

Members of sororities or fraternities were at slightly higher risk of these behaviors, as were college athletes, said researchers. And interestingly, though eating disorders remain more prevalent among women, drunkorexia does not discriminate. "There were no gender differences for engaging in drunkorexia to increase the effects of alcohol or engaging in bulimic-type behaviors to compensate for alcohol-related calories," said Rinker. "In some cases, men were more likely to engage in bulimic-type and diet/exercising/calorie-restricted eating behaviors to reduce alcohol-related calories."​ She pointed out that this may be because college-aged men are more to abuse alcohol.

Restricting calories while boozing heavily might seem good in theory, but without food to mediate the effects of booze, you are at higher risk for drinking-related injuries, alcohol poisoning, or worse, texting"u up?" to the contact in your phone labeled "DON'T TEXT HIM."

Chris Pratt and Anna Faris are not as good at flying a kite as they are at being attractive movie stars.

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Chris Pratt posted a picture of his attempt to fly a kite with wife Anna Faris on Instagram on Tuesday. Despite picking what looks to be a prime kite-flying location, it was a complete failure. Metaphorically, the couple has had the wind at their backs quite a bit recently. They're both good-spirited goofballs with longevity in Hollywood. But when it comes to having literal wind at their backs, they can't have it all.

A dejected Anna Faris with her kite:

My wife is all things... Lover. Actor. Mother. Kite master.

A photo posted by chris pratt (@prattprattpratt) on

A large, scenic lake can't even muster any wind for them:

Come on wind!!!

A video posted by chris pratt (@prattprattpratt) on

Since these two can do no wrong, we'll blame the Earth and sky for not giving them any wind.

The 'ESPN' 2016 Body Issue is out, if you like looking at pictures of naked athletes.

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Nineteen athletes posed in the buff for the ESPN magazine 2016 body issue, and as always, the photos are really, really cool. Like, these photos are clearly not your standard nudie mag jerk-off material—ESPN's body issue is like the surprisingly progressive cousin to the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, showcasing the incredible and diverse bodies belonging to the best athletes in the world, as well as giving readers a glimpse into the lifestyle these athletes have to lead to maintain their physical excellence.

They're all strong as f*ck, but because of the requirements of their different sports (and, for some of the athletes, because of the specialization of their positions), their bodies all look dramatically different—and also perfect in the sense that they're capable of amazing feats you could only dream of.

It’s amazing that Vince Wilfork, at 325 pounds, and Emma Coburn, at 119 pounds, are both among the best athletes in the world.

World's worst mom compares her daughter's vagina to Taylor Swift's using a sloppy ham sandwich.

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Lord knows its hard out there for a good Christian woman to raise her daughter to have exemplary labia, but Twitter's newest (least) favorite person Jennifer Mayers will be damned if she doesn't try. To preach about sex-ruined labias to the masses, Mayers opted for a good old fashioned visual aid: a sloppy ham sandwich.

"The reasons I preach #Christianity," she writes. "My daughters represent the right. Taylor Swift's vagina represents the left."

And she tagged Taylor Swift. For comment, presumably.

Wooowww. Ok. There are so many things are wrong with this it's hard to start. First, is she slut-shaming Taylor Swift, as though having pre-marital sex can cause loose or external labia (it can't)? Second, how closely is she monitoring her own daughter's vagina that she knows what it looks like? Third, if she is going to be preaching on this topic, she should know the vagina is, you know, internal and that the bread in this case would be the vulva and the ham the labia. (How did it come to this?) Fourth, I think she means the sandwich on the right represents her daughters vulva, and not that her daughter's vulva represents a sandwich.

Naturally, this atrocious tweet caused the Twittersphere to go ape, so let's let the hilarious replies address all other concerns.

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Eesh. For everyone who suspects this woman could be a troll, her posts go back to April 2015. So, that's a lot of effort to finally drop a hot viral ham sammich tweet.

Taylor Swift has yet to comment, and is probably too busy feeding Tom Hiddelston a ham sandwich to care.

Old man Microsoft attempts to lure 'bae interns' with beer pong.

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If you're looking for an internship at a technology company out of touch with the youth, we've got just the place. Microsoft is at it again, trying desperately to connect with a generation of young people who haven't used its products since Windows '98 was a thing. Twitter user Patrick Burtchaell's roommate received an email from a Microsoft recruiter today inviting them to an "exclusive after party" thrown at the company's San Francisco office.

It reads:

HEY BAE INTERN! <3

Hi! I am Kim, a Microsoft University Recruiter. My crew is coming down from our HQ in Seattle to hang with you and a crowd of bay area interns at Internapalooza on 7/11.

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY we're throwing an exclusive after party the night of the event in our San Francisco office and you're invited! There will be hella noms, lots of dranks, the best beats and just like last year, we're breaking out the Yammer beer pong tables!

HELL YES TO GETTING LIT ON A MONDAY NIGHT.

The email, which appears to have been copied and pasted into an internet translator set to "millennial," promises the "bae interns" a night with "hella noms, lots of dranks, the best beats..." and beer pong. Oh, Microsoft. Dear, sweet Microsoft. You tried. You tried so hard.

Perhaps your attempt to appease the youth fell flat. Sure, every millennial trying to break into the tech industry is laughing at you right now. But look on the bright side, Microsoft! You have officially solidified your status as the tech industry's curmudgeonly old neighbor. Now you can spend the rest of your days sitting on your porch, yelling at the younger, hip companies like Google and Apple every time their Frisbees land on your lawn. You'll be known around Silicon Valley as "Old Man Microsoft." Kids will tell made up stories about you to scare their younger siblings. Imagine that!

So you can't appeal to the younger generation anymore. Who cares? Your life as a grumpy old tech giant is just getting started. You're going to be so great at it!


Sarah Silverman almost died from a horrifying illness this week.

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If you've noticed that comedian Sarah Silverman has been quiet on social media lately, it turns out there's a reason for that: she was unconscious in the hospital for five days with a horrible illness. She's better now, but it's chilling to think that the world almost lost the writer of the world's best rape joke.

Hi. This is me telling everyone in my life at once why I haven't been around. This will not interest everyone so feel...

Posted by Sarah Silverman on Wednesday, July 6, 2016

The Facebook post reads:

Hi. This is me telling everyone in my life at once why I haven't been around. This will not interest everyone so feel free to disregard.
I was in the ICU all of last week and I am insanely lucky to be alive. Don't even know why I went to the doctor, it was just a sore throat. But I had a freak case of epiglottitis.
I owe my life to Dr. Shawn Nasseri, Dr. Robert Naruse, Dr. Rob Huizenga, every nurse, and every technician & orderly at Cedars who's punch-the-clock jobs happen to save human lives on the regular.
There's something that happens when three people you're so close to die within a year and then YOU almost die but don't. (That was me. I'm the one that didn't die.) It's a strange dichotomy between, "Why me?" and the other, "Why me?"
They couldn't put me fully to sleep for the recovery process because my blood pressure's too low. I was drugged just enough to not feel the pain and have no idea what was happening or where I was. They had to have my hands restrained to keep me from pulling out my breathing tube. My friend Stephanie said I kept writing "was I in an accident?"
When I woke up 5 days later I didn't remember anything. I thanked everyone at the ICU for my life, went home, and then slowly as the opiates faded away, remembered the trauma of the surgery & spent the first two days home kind of free-falling from the meds / lack of meds and the paralyzing realization that nothing matters. Luckily that was followed by the motivating revelation that nothing matters.
I'm so moved by my real-life hero, Michael, and amazing Sissies (blood & otherwise) & friendos, who all coordinated so that there wasn't a moment I was alone. It makes me cry. Which hurts my throat. So stop.
Anyway there are some funny stories too.
I couldn't speak for a while and I don't remember a lot of my "lucid" time, but Amy (the Zvi) told me I stopped a nurse - like it was an emergency - furiously wrote down a note and gave it to her. When she looked at it, it just said, "Do you live with your mother?" next to a drawing of a penis.
Also, when I first woke up and the breathing tube came out, I still couldn't talk and they gave me a board of letters to communicate. My loved ones stood there, so curious what was going to be the first thing I had to say. They followed my finger, rapt, as I pointed from letter to letter until I finally spelled out, "Did you see 'Hello My Name is Doris.'"

I love you all. Your friend,
Sarah

Glad you're recovering, Sarah.

Article 36

Awful boss writes into advice column about employee's 'mistake,' gets eviscerated.

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Managers can be dense. But the manager in this story makes most managers seem like aerographite in comparison. (One of the world's least-dense materials, duh.)

Recently, a manager at a customer service center wrote into the advice site Ask a Manager. This customer service manager wanted to know the right way to approach an ex-employee who quit on the spot because the manager wouldn't give the employee two hours off to go to her own graduation (the employee was taking night classes part-time). The manager explained:

I told this team member that she could not start two hours late and that she would have to skip the ceremony. An hour later, she handed me her work ID and a list of all the times she had worked late/come in early/worked overtime for each and every one of her coworkers. Then she quit on the spot.

OK, that's crappy. And at first, the manager's response seems good and properly regretful:

I’m a bit upset because she was my best employee by far. Her work was excellent, she never missed a day of work in the six years she worked here, and she was my go-to person for weekends and holidays.

But then the note takes a turn into crazy town, because the manager doesn't want to apologize to this former employee. Oh, no. They want to warn the employee that she shouldn't screw up again at future jobs:

Even though she doesn’t work here any longer, I want to reach out and tell her that quitting without notice because she didn’t get her way isn’t exactly professional. I only want to do this because she was an otherwise great employee, and I don’t want her to derail her career by doing this again and thinking it is okay. She was raised in a few dozen different foster homes and has no living family. She was homeless for a bit after she turned 18 and besides us she doesn’t have anyone in her life that has ever had professional employment. This is the only job she has had. Since she’s never had anyone to teach her professional norms, I want to help her so she doesn’t make the same mistake again. What do you think is the best way for me to do this?

This manager, probably.

The lovely person responding at Ask a Manager rightfully tears this customer service yahoo a managerial new one (or whatever the HR-appropriate term for a "managerial new one" is):

What?! No, under no circumstances should you do that.

If anything, you should consider reaching out to her, apologizing for how you handled the situation, and offering her the job back if she wants it.

I’m not usually a fan of people quitting on the spot, but I applaud her for doing it in this case. She was raised in dozens of foster homes, used to be homeless, has no living family, and apparently managed to graduate from college all on her own. That’s amazing. And while I normally think graduation ceremonies are primarily fluff, I’m hard-pressed to think of anyone who deserves to be able to attend her own graduation ceremony as much as this woman does. You should have been bending over backwards to ensure she could attend.

...to which you're probably waving your arms around and shouting "Yes! Obviously!"

And oh, there's more. You can read the entire letter/take down on the Ask a Manager site. Or you can just print the story out and leave it somewhere your crappy manager will conveniently see it.

This tween girl just dropped the most brutal breakup revenge video in internet history.

Article 33

New mom shares postpartum diaper pic that's way too real in a hilarious way.

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On Wednesday, new mom Amanda Bacon posted a sweet picture to Facebook—a selfie her husband took of himself and their new tiny bundle of joy, swaddled in his arms. But wait, there's a pair of legs in the background, and those legs lead to a butt swathed in a diaper that is probably somewhat larger than the one on the infant. That diapered woman is Amanda, and her picture has been shared almost 90,000 times on Facebook, and racked up almost 70,000 comments.

Motherhood uncensored. I'm sharing this picture because it's real. This is motherhood; it's raw, stunning, messy, and...

Posted by Amanda Bacon on Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Her post reads:

Motherhood uncensored.

I'm sharing this picture because it's real. This is motherhood; it's raw, stunning, messy, and freaking hilarious all rolled into one. Having a baby is a beautiful experience, and the realities of postpartum life aren't spoken enough about. And definitely not photographed enough. Some people probably find this uncomfortable, but why? I seriously don't get it! It's probably because this part isn't talked about. We all should try and educate, empower and embrace every aspect of childbirth, including moments like this. And do it while having a sense of humor. Nothing says welcome to motherhood like an adorable squishy baby, and a giant mom diaper.

Edit: My husband didn't post this. He doesn't even have Facebook. I did.

Bacon added the line at the end saying that she was the one who posted it, of her own accord, so people understood that her husband didn't just neglect to crop out his diapered wife in the background amidst his new daddy excitement. This is a part of birth that the general public usually doesn't get to see—the part where the mom has to wear a "giant mom diaper" after pushing a human about the size of a loaf of rye bread directly through her vagina.

People loved the picture, and they loved Bacon's candidness. The comments on her post were mostly other moms who were all, "been there, done that, lol."

No shame in a powerful mom body that needs a little extra pampering (or Pampers-ing) for a little while. Throw a diaper on your head, too—now it's a party!

Woman warns of the dangers of dry shampoo after she started losing her hair.

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When something seems too good to be true, it is. Dry shampoo, that magical powdery stuff you can spray on your gross hair to make it seem freshly washed, may turn out to be one of those things. At first, dry shampoo seems like a total Godsend—you can wash your hair less often and use the powder to soak up excess grease and oil, allowing you to have more time to focus on the important things in life (sleeping in, watching more Netflix, staring at your phone, etc). But according to Olga Khazan, staff writer forThe Atlantic, regularly using dry shampoo could also result in hair loss so, not worth it.

In her personal essay, Khazan explains that she initially used dry shampoo to keep her hair looking fresh between washing, but as time went on, she started using it to replace washing her hair.

I would look and smell clean when I was anything but. At first, the dry shampoo was just a stop-gap until the next day, when I would cleanse myself with actual water. But eventually my dry-shampoo days started outnumbering the regular-shampoo ones. Some mornings I would even do my trusty “15-minute Dumbbell Blast” routine and then head on into the office, my head coated in a thin patina of rice starch and “clean fragrance.”

Besides being kind of dirty, the real downside to her frequent dry shampoo use came after she noticed that she was losing substantial amounts of hair.

Gradually, though, I began to notice something disturbing. The two sides of my hair looked like they were slowly drifting away from each other at the part. Granted, it’s hard for me to tell when my hair is thinning. I am half Scandinavian, and nowhere is this more evident than my scalp, which, with its sparse, wispy growth, conjures the snowy white tundras of Lapland.

Still, a few dozen strands would defect from my head and onto my fingers each time I showered. It was a lot, even for me.

So Khazan started to investigate the correlation between using dry shampoo and hair loss. First, a simple Google search turned up many articles and essays from women who noticed thinning hair or bald spots after religiously using dry shampoo. She even found this Facebook post from an Irish woman who discovered her hair loss was from dry shampoo after getting her scalp biopsied by a doctor.

In the name of God, never in all my life did I think I'd have to explain my personal hygiene to 23,000+ people!! -I did...

Posted by Nicole Baxter on Thursday, April 7, 2016

Nicole Baxter of Belfast, Ireland wrote:

Moral of the story- Dry shampoo caused me to now have this bald patch on my head (which I still have and it may or may not grow back, but nothing can be done) and a terrible scalp for ages. Just wash your hair people!

Then she took her investigation further by asking 11 hair experts and dermatologists if dry shampoo can cause hair loss, three of which gave a definitive "yes." Sonia Batra, one of the dermatologists polled, gave this explanation.

[Dry shampoo] deposits substances to coat the follicle that can build up. The resulting inflammation can weaken the follicles and increase shedding. These products can also cause hair follicles to stick together, so that a hair that would normally shed during brushing may take two or three strands along with it.

Many of the dermatologists and hair experts claim that using dry shampoo on occasion is fine, but users should cut down use to only a couple times a week at most. Sorry, dirty girls. Looks like you will have to hit the showers after all.

You can read Olga Khazan's entire essay here.


Calvin Harris is pulling an Adele on 'cheating' Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston.

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Scottish DJ Calvin Harris/member of the Taylor Swift Ex-boyfriends Club is reportedly releasing a new track on Friday called "Ole" and yep, the words are supposedly all about Swift cheating on him. In the past, Swift's been the one writing songs about all the ones who got away or done her wrong, but this time she'll be on the receiving end of lyric fury.

The lyrics are apparently from the point of view of her paramour, Tom Hiddleston, with whom Harris believes she cheated (who knows if she did but their relationship did seem to get super serious, super fast). For example,the line: "Low key, you won't tell none of your friends about me" which is especially fitting since Hiddleston played the character Loki in TheAvengers.

There's the line that goes: "I see online that you begun to be a good girl and take trips with your boyfriend. Being attentive, continue to pretend," which could refer to the tropical vacation and trips to Coachella Swift made with Harris before their breakup in May. Then, "You've hidden my name in your phone so you can call me to tell me you've been going through hell / Left him alone and you booked in a hotel."

According to TMZ, Harris is not harboring resentment toward Hiddleston, who he believes is "under Taylor's spell​," which is odd since Hiddleston is 35 and Swift is, as far as we know, not actually a witch. Clearly, though, Harris is not too happy with Swift. Maybe he'll parlay the whole ordeal into an album, which seems to be what a lot of artists do. Imagine using your heartbreak for something more than sitting on the couch watching Gilmore Girls and crying. But then again, Harris might be doing a little of that, too. If so, cheer up Calvin-real-name-Adam, you'll love again one day, even if only Netflix.

Awesome mom has some words for the men who called her 'hog' outside the gym.

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Imagine if you were trying to go the gym, but before you could even walk in, someone called you a "hog." That's what happened to Brittany Michelle Hines of Maryland on July 4th. But did she let those body shamers steal her joy? No!

Brittany Michelle Hines, most awesome mama of the day.

She took that horrible negative experience and turned it into a positive, affirming, confident, don't mess with mama because she's about to read you son moment. Hines took to Facebook to give those loser boys (yes, even old dudes can be boys) a piece of her well-adjusted mind.

To the grown ass group of men outside of the Westminster Wawa. Your laughter and rude comments didn't stop me from...

Posted by Brittany Michelle Hines on Monday, July 4, 2016

For Hines, her physical journey has less to do with her, and more to do with her son.

"I did not leave the house to impress you today, I went to impress myself and to make my son proud of his mom," Hines wrote to buckets of tears from online readers.

"This 'fat ass' almost gave up today," she added. "After being ridiculed I sat in my car in the parking lot and cried. I wanted nothing more than to go home binge watch 'River Monsters'. But I didn't. I gave you all a big f*ck you and busted my fat ass. Over a hour, of sweating and huffing but I did it."

Literally, everything she just said is aces (if you ignore the River Monsters thing, not sure what that's all about).

Seriously boys, don't mess with this mama.

Morning after.

A psychologist diagnosed Cersei on 'Game of Thrones' and it makes so much sense.

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Reddit user Rain 12913 claims to be a psychologist and offered analysis and diagnosis for the character Cersei Lannister on Game of Thrones. She's a fictional character, which the psychologist was quick to point out. But it's fun to use a real life diagnosis to explain the driving motivations of Cersei. It turns out she has a personality disorder. The fact that she cares mostly about herself—or people with personalities that are nearly identical to hers—makes her a classic narcissist. As always, there are a whole bunch of spoilers for the series ahead.

To be certain, Cersei would have plenty of certifiable mental health issues. Sleeping with your brother would be a paraphilic disorder, and a penchant for wild fire and pyromania would be classified under conduct disorder. But here's an analysis of her emotional responses and actions that make her a narcissist:

Cersei is a classic narcissist. As such, she lacks the ability to truly empathize with others. Despite this obvious reality, people seem to be falling into the trap of thinking that Cersei really does genuinely love her brother and her (late) children. While she certainly says that she does quite a bit, and while her behavior may seem to suggest that she does, it is highly unlikely that such a narcissistic character is capable of true love.

It did seem that Cersei genuinely loved her children. She was devastated over the death of Joffrey, and he sucked the most. But there's an explanation for what appears to be a narcissist's love:

Rather than loving this other person as a separate entity who has their own strengths and weaknesses, the narcissistic person splits them into the "perfect" category, and considers them to be an extension of him/herself. You see this in the way that Cersei thinks about Jamie and her children.

There it is. She loves them only in as much as they act like and feel like a part of her. So it makes sense she wasn't completely losing her mind after Tommen jumped out of a window. He had already gone full boy scout when he began taking advice only from the High Sept.

How much will she pretend to love Jamie next season? Considering his attitude towards royalty that uses wild fire against people, they might have a few bumps in their relationship.

Kim Kardashian's doctor is injecting blood into women's clitorises for better orgasms.

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Remember when we all watched with admiration while Kim Kardashian shot her face up with blood to make herself even more beautiful? It wasn't just a triumph of vanity, because her efforts have not been in vain. It turns out that a similar treatment can give women better orgasms.

<3 <3 <3

Dr. Charles Runnels, the same doctor who conceived of Kim's vampire facelift, has started injecting blood into the space between the clitoris and the vaginal opening. Uncross your legs, because it's worth it. Apparently, this can lead to way better orgasms than you've been having, and the effect can last for 18 months.

Just like her fire sex tape, Kim's constant demands for science to keep up with her beauty needs have led us to a better sex life.

I KNEW WE NEEDED KIM.

First she rejuvenates Carl's Jr., now our clits.

According to the good doctor, the infusion of blood (tapped from your own veins) regenerates cells in the area. I'm literally not a scientists but I know I want more cells down there.

The treatment takes about 20 minutes, which sounds like a lot of clit-stabbing, but not if you consider how much time you are going to save on foreplay. And there is already a reality star-founded health spa that offers the treatment in New York.

I KNEW WE NEEDED REALITY TV.

Of course, there will be nay-sayers poo-pooing the idea, like Chicago gynecologist Dr. Lauren Streicher, who has warned, "there simply has not been adequate research to prove its safety and effectiveness for either orgasmic dysfunction or incontinence."

She was there for us when all we had was our fingers.

So let's provide this research. We have plenty of TV stars like Kim to try it out first, and we thank them for their service. From the bottom of our clits, we thank you.

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