On July 10, someone with the handle "DrunkCinderella" posted a photo on imgur of a little girl giving the camera a look that can best be described as unimpressed. The caption reads: "She wanted an iPad." In her hand is a CVS brand eye pad.

This is a great "parent joke." The little girl's expression says: "Oh, haha, mom and/or dad, I see what you did there! It's a play on words! So funny. Many hahas. Much humor. You know who else will find this funny? All the kids at school who have real iPads. Now where's my goddamn Apple product?"

Hey, at least it's sterile. Says so right on the package.

Calvin Harris, Taylor Swift's very recent ex, just spent several minutes eviscerating her on Twitter. That sound you hear is a nation rising in pure joy over some world class Taylor Swift drama. There is nothing better than this and I will let Mr. Harris speak for himself. It all starts with the news that Swift wrote the lyrics for the Calvin Harris/Rihanna hit "This Is What You Came For."

And here's where it gets really good:

OH MY GOD.

1. He's referring to Katy Perry. For years, there was a rumor that Taylor Swift wrote "Bad Blood" about Perry hiring some of Swift's crew out from under her. Um, rumor confirmed?

2. That "ETC." According to Harris, Swift has buried other people. Maybe Kanye West, according to his wife Kim Kardashian?

3. Somehow, Hiddleswift is real?!?! That boggles the g-d mind.

Concludes Harris:

Of course I will, Calvin Harris. God bless you. Also, please spill more Taylor Swift gossip, thanks. Does she secretly hate girl squad member Lena Dunham?! I bet she secretly hates Lena Dunham.

Wait, Amber Rose has a TV show about sex? Yes, she does. Hopefully it'll help us figure out who the hell Amber Rose is.

She visited Conan to promote her new VH1 talk show, The Amber Rose Show, and help out Conan's guest, Dax Shepard, with some pressing sex questions. Shepard, married to snowman building Kristen Bell, wanted to know whether an orgy between Shepard, Bell, Conan, and Conan's wife was a good idea.

It went down like this. She said...

Then he said...

Then she was all...

Then he went...

Things getting naughty* fun up in the Conan houuuuuussssseeeee!

* this is one sex tape we DON'T want to see.

"You look tired."

Those were the words a well-meaning relative said to me minutes after I walked down the aisle and married my husband in front of our family and friends. Not "You look radiant" or "I'm blinded by your ecstatic joy" or "Truly, you are a vision in white," but "You look tired."

And she was right. I was really tired. I'd spent the weeks prior preparing to host 200 people for a giant party with a million details to consider. After days of making sure out-of-town relatives were comfortable, organizing and making lists, cutting and pasting and stamping, and sleeping very little, I was supposed to emerge from my insanity cocoon as a beautiful butterfly bride.

But I felt like my wings were still drying out when suddenly, the weekend of our wedding arrived. I wasn't ready to switch off the part of my brain that gets shit together and switch on the part of my brain that is fully immersed in experiences and a delight to be around.

The weekend flew by in a stressful blur and then it was Monday and time for my husband and I to drive off into the sunset for our "minimoon." And I still couldn't relax. Had people enjoyed themselves? Had we destroyed my in-laws' lawn? Had someone handed out the programs? WTF, no one handed out the programs?!

I felt sad and guilty that it hadn't been a magical day. I hadn't forgotten to worry about the details and just soaked it all in like everyone had promised I would. I'd fixated on things that didn't matter. I'd bullied my siblings into making weirdly complicated place cards. I'd been a shitty bride.

Weeks later, I finally got up the courage to admit to my sister that—aside from a few truly transcendent moments—I hadn't actually enjoyed my wedding all that much. I was relieved when she admitted it had been stressful and exhausting for her, too. There were highs, but "it didn't all feel like a magical fairy tale in which I was the princess." That's when I realized complaining about my wedding was something I could use to relate to other women. I was back in the normal woman club! Yes!

Once I admitted feeling disappointed, other friends opened up about their lame wedding days. One friend says she "was so focused on trying to make sure everyone else was having fun I barely focused on myself." Between missing bouquets, a bridesmaid who left to get a pedicure between the photos and ceremony, and a band that accidentally announced a dance between the groom and his mother (his mother had recently passed away), she summed up her wedding day as "stressful."

My wedding day was marred by a caterer that ran out of steak, temperatures in the 90s, and the fucking programs (which I will never, until my dying day, forgive my friend for forgetting to give out. Never). Nothing important had really gone wrong, but at the center of it all, it was hard to tell if anything had gone right.

Being a bride is hard. I used to direct plays, and there was a similar level of manic activity and anxiety in the days leading up to opening night. But on opening night, nobody expected me to be serene and otherworldly—legs shaven (yes, that is otherworldly imho), skin perfect, eyes un-poofy. I got to wear all black and hide in the booth. Oddly enough, my husband also compared our wedding day to a play: "It reminded me of being in a play: there were months of preparations, then on the day of, it was exhilarating, stressful and I really wanted to make a good impression on the 'audience.' And then, it was over." He added, "I'm super happy I married you," but after I told him I'd be quoting him in this article, so.

Despite being an "alternative" bride—knee-length dress, buffet backyard wedding, keyboard instead of violins—I still on some level had expected a Disney-style magical transformation involving woodland creatures.

As another disappointed bride put it: "there's a lot of pressure to hide any discomfort or wedding stress." She said she was relieved when her wedding was over with and that she's "been much happier as a 'married person' than as a 'getting married person.'"

Which is a good point. Your wedding is just one day. I think as often and with just as much delight about a random winter day about six months after our wedding, when my new husband and I took a long walk in the cold by the river, made fresh pasta for dinner, and watched Battlestar Galactica. Why that day, aside from Battlestar Galactica being the best show ever on television?

Five years later, I remember being tired and sweaty and stressed out, but I have begun to be fooled by my glossy, beautiful wedding album into believing the fiction that my wedding day was Cinderella magical. My two-year-old loves to flip through the pages and point out everyone he recognizes, and hot damn, one child and 20 pounds ago, Mommy and Daddy look sexy as hell.

So no, your wedding day might not be the best day of your life. It might even be one of the hardest days of your life, especially if it rains or your family doesn't get along or you're struggling to justify the amount of money it cost or your ex shows up drunk or some weird DIY detail you obsessed over actually just looks really dumb.

Enjoy the parts you can enjoy. Feel free to stress out over the rest. And hire a really good photographer.

Also, maybe get a mashed potato bar. That's some classy shit.

So the internet is going crazy staring at pictures Taylor Swift's boobies trying to determine whether or not Swift got breast implants (yes, that's where we at right now). Expert boob-haver Ariel Winter decided to throw her two cents in while appearing on The Talk (which is definitely not at all a ripoff of The View) on Monday. Here is what she had to say:

I have to say, if Taylor Swift did get her boobs done then good for her if she felt like she wanted to.

Wow. That actually makes perfect sense. No shaming, no advice, no girl hate?

Of course, Winter has plenty of experience being on the receiving end of boob-shaming. The 18-year-old Modern Family star revealed that back pain and a lack of self-confidence led her to get a breast reduction two years ago.

She also discussed being shamed for the things she wears, namely her skin-tight graduation dress that brought an onslaught of criticism from internet trolls. "I think there are so many bigger issues in the world that we should be focusing on than what we're wearing," says Winter, while clad in a Jigglypuff onsie.

Now let's all stop talking about Taylor Swift's boobs and focus on what's really important: Hiddleswift.

Justin Theroux gave his wife Jennifer Aniston a lovely shout-out for a personal essay she wrote for The Huffington Post. Her essay tore down the paparazzi and tabloid culture that fuels crazed fascination with female celebrities. Specifically, Aniston called out scrutiny of female celebrities and whether or not they're married or have children. She is, of course, no stranger to that media circus, which has churned out stories about who's she's dating for years now. Now that she's married to Justin Theroux, the attention focuses on if she's pregnant. That's what finally pushed her over the edge.

Theroux gave her a classy show of support on Instagram by simply using the hashtag for Woman Crush Wednesday and a link to her essay:

Aniston's essay and Theroux's support received lots of positive attention, but there's no word yet on whether it has defeated tabloid culture and the paparazzi photographers that make it possible. Maybe they just haven't read the piece yet.

Idris Elba is on the cover of Interview Magazine's August issue, which is great, because Idris Elba is perfect. He won our hearts playing the thoughtful but ruthless drug kingpin Russell "Stringer" Bell in The Wire. He could be our next James Bond and possibly my next boyfriend if all our fantasies were to suddenly come true at once.

He's basically nobility, kind of. The British actor was awarded the "Officer of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire" by the Queen of England. And he brought his mom with him to receive the award:

And when Bond author Anthony Horowitz called Elba "too street" to play 007 (the internet was on Elba's side, however), he handled it with the patience and dignity of someone born to play James Bond.

He also happens to be really, really nice to look at. As you can see with your own eyes in this spread from Interview Magazine, in which the 43-year-old actor is kneeling on a mattress. A very fortunate mattress.

May Idris Elba live forever. And when we die, may we all be reborn as his mattress.

Fifteen years later, and she's still got it! On the 15th anniversary of the release of her landmark hit, Legally Blonde, Reese Witherspoon thrilled her Instagram followers by posting a video of herself doing the "Bend and Snap." This iconic move, if you'll recall, has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.

She's still the queen! Here's the caption, sans a lot of pink emojis:

Happiest #LegallyBlonde15! In honor of the 15th anniversary of #LegallyBlonde, go to @instagram's page to see my interview, along with full instructions on how to #BendAndSnap! Also show me what ya got!! Use #LegallyBlonde15 to share your celebrations!

If you click on over to Instagram's official Instagram page, you can find a post of Reese giving instructions on how to do the Bend and Snap (it's easy, you just bend…and snap!). She also mentions that even after 15 years, this is the still the thing fans meeting her most often request.

Here's the caption for the Instagram post:

It’s been 15 years since the movie “Legally Blonde” introduced the world to Elle Woods, the pink-clad, Chihuahua-toting sorority student who aced the LSATs, got into Harvard Law School and inspired a generation. “I have had so many women say, ‘I went to law school because of ‘Legally Blonde,’” says star Reese Witherspoon (@reesewitherspoon). “It actually had a meaningful story. And it was about female empowerment. It wasn’t necessarily about the girl getting the guy.” To celebrate the anniversary, make sure to show off your pet Chihuahua, law degree or even your best “bend and snap” — “That is still the most asked request I get from people. I have a feeling I will be doing the bend and snap until I am 95,” says Reese — and tag #LegallyBlonde15 in the caption.
Video by @reesewitherspoon

And here's the original scene from the movie, where Reese's character Elle Woods shows a whole group of people (including Jennifer Coolidge) how to perform the perfect Bend and Snap. Watch as they all nail it (haha, get it? Because they're in a nail salon. You're welcome).

The Urban Dictionary definition of "slay" is, "Killed it. Succeeded in something amazing." We would like to officially include Emma Stone and Maya Rudolph's pictures with this definition.

On Maya & Marty, Stone joined Rudolph in an a capella version of Robyn's "Call Your Girlfriend." They used only one instrument: butter tubs. Yep, just tiny little tubs and their angelic voices.

Rudolph has been practicing ever since she saw a YouTube video of a Swedish vocal group called Erato do the same thing. She said...

I saw this thing on YouTube a couple years ago of these three girls in their kitchen in Sweden singing a song, playing butter tubs. I've been practicing ever since. And I feel like I'm finally ready to give it a shot.

Ready she was! Stone said they were doing it for the first time, something absolutely nobody believes.

Regardless whether it was their first time or tenth time, they done slayed the you-know-what out of that song.

It's 8:24 PM. Do you know where your kids are?

They could be doing drugs in a local crack den, or worse, sneaking out of the house to find imaginary creatures in the neighborhood in Pokémon Go. As one mom who lived through this nightmare asserts, dorkiness is worse than drugs.

Jeremy Christian, like the rest of the planet (except for Canada), was on his quest to be the very best like no one ever was when his mom angrily inquired where the HELL he was.

The mother-son exchange resonated with Twitter, getting over 5,500 retweets on Tuesday night.

One guy even followed up with Christian to see if he caught the Charmeleon, but alas, mother was calling.

Hopefully, Christian has learned his lesson and will stay in the basement doing drugs like a good American teenager.

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson has just been named the highest paid actor on Earth by Forbes magazine. On all of the Earth!! That is a big deal.

It's a true Cinderella story, if Cinderella were a 260 pound former professional wrestler. Johnson started his wrestling career in 1996, worked his way up to WWE Superstar by his retirement in 2004 (he came back part time in 2011). Eventually, he ascended to regular superstar status after appearing in many, many blockbuster movies (and his own HBO show). How does he do it all? Mostly by eating pounds and pounds of cod every day.

Somehow, between working on multiple movies, television shows, and video games—as well as making public appearances, raising a family and working out—Johnson found the time to write this very long response to being named the world's highest paid actor.

"The wolf is always scratchin' at the door" was the first thing I said when we found out from @forbes I was officially the world's highest paid actor. Well, actually the first thing I said was "Aw shit!", then I said the wolf part.

Receiving news like this will always serve as my anchoring reminder to continue to work even harder. We not only want to "embrace the grind", but take the grind to new levels.

I learned a few invaluable lessons a long time ago that can help all of you guys out there succeed at whatever it is you're doing.

Greatness is never achieved alone. Surround yourself with hungry, brilliant individuals who not only buy into your philosophy, but who are all willing to work just as hard as you. Power of teamwork.
And don't ever forget where you came from. I was evicted at 14yrs old and completely broke by 23. Every day I wake up as if that eviction notice is right around the corner waiting for me.. which is why I always say, "the wolf is always scratchin' at the door". He's scratchin' cause he's hungry and never satisfied.
We embrace and respect our past (even if it was f*cked up), but we never let it define our future. Let's stay hungry and chase that greatness.
I will now jump in my pick up truck, go to work and figure out whether or not I need psychiatric therapy for this damn wolf that's become my best friend.

Honestly, the dude deserves it. He has been in every action movie with an explosion in it in the last five years, and he doesn't seem like he is slowing down, either. Look at all the projects he has coming up. He is booked until 2019!

Oh, on top of all of this, he also announced he would be interested in running for President one day. Don't laugh. Last time we laughed at someone wanting to be President, we ended up with this:

When you think of Kyle Jenner's face, a beautiful woman covered in a seven layer bean dip of makeup products probably comes to mind.

But for the cover photo of Allure's August issue, she allowed them to take a much more toned-down approach. What do you think?

Allure described the look as "a dreamy, almost Victorian doll-like look." For reference, this is what an actual Victorian doll looks like:

They definitely nailed the long, separated lashes, but Kylie's hair just can't be taken down to terrible doll-hair levels.

Below you can see Allure's video of Kylie's makeup shoot, which doesn't so much show you how her look was achieved as much as it shows how Kylie can look beautiful doing literally anything, like playing a game of pickup volleyball or getting her "fresh faced look" reapplied by a team on the beach.

According to Page Six, rumors of a secret affair between former Today co-anchors Matt Lauer and Natalie Morales may have lead to Morales's decision to exit the show.

A source told Page Six, “There’s speculation it’s one of the reasons why she’s moving … Matt didn’t want to work with her.” The source also mentioned that Lauer pulls the strings over at Today, and if he doesn't want someone on the show, he can make them leave. The tipster also went on to say, "[A scandal] is the last thing NBC wanted after the Ann Curry debacle." (The source is referencing Ann Curry's getting fired from the show after having a falling out with Lauer, supporting claims that Lauer calls the shots for the morning show.)

However, both Lauer and Morales are vehemently denying the allegations. In a statement, Morales said her Today departure was due to a desire to expand her career.

There is absolutely no truth to this completely absurd story. It is damaging, hurtful and extremely sexist. I have proven myself in all aspects of my job as a news professional and journalist, and am adding to my role, taking on three jobs with ‘Access Hollywood Live’ and ‘Access Hollywood,’ in addition to ‘Today.’ This move was dictated by me and my desire to grow in my career. Any insinuations beyond that are uninformed.

Lauer also dismissed the rumors by saying, "Every aspect of this story is untrue, and it’s frankly sad that someone would tell lies to harm everyone involved."

In other words:

Noah Oppenheim, producer and top exec at Today, completely shut down any further speculation by saying, "suggestion[s] that Natalie’s new role and salary is anything but the result of her merit, is not only not true — it’s sexism in its ugliest form and it’s offensive," adding that the rumors are "patently untrue."

Honestly, at this point the rumors seem to be just that–rumors. But who would start terrible rumors just to hurt Morales's and Lauer's reputation?

Back in the old days (10 years ago), reality shows gave the public all the dirt they could want on the lives and relationships of complete strangers. But for the gossip connoisseurs of today, old media dinosaurs like that just move too slow. These days, social media provides immediate and constant schadenfreude from all over the world. What's more, internet users have figured out how to use their own intimate details (and those of their loved ones) to go viral and claim a piece of fame for their own. Here are 7 couples who blew up the internet by oversharing about their relationships.

1. The guy who listed all the ways moving in with his girlfriend was confusing and fantastic.

In June 2016, Twitter user Arthur Dayne posted a long series of tweets listing all the positive and negative revelations he had after moving in with his girlfriend. Some were just Odd Couple-type disagreements on the art of homemaking:

But he soon realized how much easier life is when you live like an adult:

Before long, he was over the moon with joy:

In the end, Dayne's rant became an extremely sweet tribute to his girlfriend:

Isn't that delightful? If you want to read all of Dayne's tweets, click here. And don't worry—not all of these stories will have such a happy ending.

2. The guy who put chili pepper on his girlfriend's tampon as a prank.

Brad Holmes decided to play a funny little prank on his girlfriend Jennifer by rubbing a hot pepper on her tampon and then filming her pure vaginal agony.

Luckily, her vagina was not permanently damaged. The trust between them, however, was incinerated.

3. The guy who tweeted his girlfriend's enraged rant after he stole her pizza.

Dee Breezy pulled one of the classic relationship dick moves: he told his significant other he didn't want any food, then helped himself to some of hers (in this case, a sliver of her slice of pizza). But because she keeps it real, Breezy's girlfriend unloaded on him in a massive public rant. And because he's such a great boyfriend, Breezy filmed it for Twitter's pleasure:

When she found out he had posted the video, she texted him a further explanation on why his betrayal stung so much. Naturally, he shared that too:

Let's hope she dumped this scrub. The privacy issue is bad enough, but he should know to NEVER come between a person and their pizza. Some things are sacred.

4. The adult breastfeeding couple.

In June 2016, Jennifer Mulford and Brad Leeson went viral for going public with their adult breastfeeding relationship. As they explained, Leeson would regularly "latch on" as a way of strengthening their romantic bond and initiating foreplay. The hope is that over time (with the help of hormones), Mulford will start lactating, thus allowing them to live out their mutual fantasy of being a wet nurse and her naughty baby man.

5. The guy who complained on Facebook about his wife and mistress not getting along.

Lonnie Turner published this viral complaint/brag on Facebook on June 24, lamenting the fact that the two women in his life couldn't put aside their differences to make him happy. He even put them together in one image (one in her work outfit, the other in a bikini) to hammer home the point: he is a douche.

If this story doesn't seem creepy to you yet, read this quote: "I work extremely hard, and I think I deserve to have everything my little heart desires." No good husband/boyfriend has ever referred to what his "little heart desires." There aren't enough shudders in the world for a phrase like that.

6. The lady who caught her boyfriend cheating, hid in his trunk, and live-tweeted the whole thing.

Twitter user @vickto_willy found out her guy had been two-timing her with someone else, and had even packed his bags to leave her. But rather than let him go and move on with her life, she decided to do something much more reasonable: she hid in his trunk and posted videos to Twitter:

She went on to document the entire saga in a truly epic 69-tweet rant, including more video, gifs, and a whole lot of shade. In the end, she finally popped out and surprised the two cheaters like a vengeful jack-in-the-box.

Hell hath no fury like a scorned woman hiding in your trunk.

7. The woman who left her husband sweet bathroom mirror notes that are actually pretty mean.

Photographer Michael B. Thomas has a great marriage—the kind based on love, respect, and sweet burns. He proved that point by proudly sharing a photo of the notes his wife had left him on their bathroom mirror.

The notes read:

You look dusty

Your hairline is uneven

You ain't even that cute!

Thomas's smile in the photo says it all—he loves it when his wife takes potshots at him (and he knows about his hairline). His tweet went viral, because everyone on the internet wants to have a marriage like that.

If you noticed that the first and last entries on this list are both sweet, you got us—they were supposed to be palate cleansers. Some of the others are pretty dark. Hopefully, this list will inspire you not to take your significant other for granted, and to keep your shared private business private. Unless you want to be famous on the internet. In that case, you should broadcast as much of that dirt as you can find.

A particularly entertaining recent AskRedditsolicited calls for "a quote from the worst date you've been on."

It was particularly entertaining because terrible dates are hilarious to view from a safe distance, through the glow of your computer screen. As opposed to watching them unfold like a movie from the middle of a busy restaurant while your date's screaming obscenities about the waiter's ethnicity.

Anyway, the people on Reddit have been on approximately infinity terrible dates. It's a lot of awkward.

1. Petgreg probably tipped well and then had a drink with her driver instead of her date.

2. Another vehicular error, from procrastiwriter, that proves you should just meet at the restaurant.

3. Hopefully bestbeloved was not on a first date.

4. Here's a break from the horror stories. Kalipygia had a genuinely fun time.

5. And here's another horror story! From CarneAsadaSteve:

"What so you mean you don't believe in dinosaurs?"

"There's no way for us to know they existed it was so long ago"

"What about the fossils"

"Satan placed those on earth years ago to shake our faith"

6. IfYouRun should have never told the truth about pepperoni.

7. Destiny fated Missallis for this partner, but Missallis disagreed.

8. Can't believe this is the eighth entry in the list and the first racist quote.

9. SanshaXII didn't hear a word from his date until this text.

10. Alltherobots got to meet a fun bird.

11. Kingy-89 has nominated himself for worst quote of the date.

12. This one from hldwg is purely baffling. And shockingly only the second racial one!

13. Dexie_ will make you cry if you've ever fallen in love with someone who thinks they're your mom.

14. Wytorny's date made a pretty good point, though.

15. Okay, now we're racking up the racist ones. Like this one from petgreg:

"The problem with this country is all the fucking immigrants."

"But you're from Iran!"

"I know, but that was like ten years ago."

16. Hey, this one's just fun. She's a keeper, lemontartlemontart.

17. And let's end it with a sad one from TooManyMeds, just to go out without the proverbial, and literal, bang.

18. Actually, one more racist story for the road. From JDogg_of_RS: