Thank you, Captain Obvious.
Captain Obvious, of course, as everyone everywhere knows, is a popular figure at Nats games. Apparently.
Thank you, Captain Obvious.
Captain Obvious, of course, as everyone everywhere knows, is a popular figure at Nats games. Apparently.
Until his speech tonight at the Democratic National Convention, former comedian, SNL writer and author and current Senator Al Franken has largely avoided being funny in public since running for office. The Minnesota legislator has preferred to nurture instead a reputation as a details-oriented Senator, but in Philadelphia, Franken decided to break out his old skills to give Donald Trump an extended comedic treatment.
Franken, the author of books like Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot and other Observations, focused on Trump University above all other targets:
"Now, of course, Trump University wouldn't be Trump University without its business school. Their bankruptcy program, in particular, is known throughout the real estate investment community for its creativity. The most popular course, "Bankruptcy 101: How to leave your partner holding the bag," is taught by the cardboard cutout [of Donald Trump] himself."
Sarah Silverman, a prominent Sanders supporter, spoke next about the Bernie campaign and her endorsement of Hillary. She was then joined onstage by Franken, and also made headlines when in a lull (caused by Paul Simon being slow backstage), she declared "Can I just say to the Bernie or Bust people, you're being ridiculous."
Comedian Sarah Silverman was one of Bernie Sanders' most outspoken celebrity supporters during the 2016 Democratic primary, but on July 25 she addressed the Democratic National Convention, and had a blunt statement to Sanders supporters who intended to boycott Hillary Clinton.
This news-making message actually came during an unexpected moment: after Silverman's prepared remarks, she and Al Franken were forced to "stretch for time" until Paul Simon could come out. Silverman took the opportunity to address the vocal pro-Bernie hecklers in the crowd.
"Can I just say," Silverman said, as the crowd started up competing chants of Hillary and Bernie, "to the Bernie or Bust people: you're being ridiculous."
Here is Silverman's full speech from earlier in the night:
The first day of the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia. is a wrap. Al Franken and Sarah Silverman made 'em laugh, Michelle Obama made 'em cry, Elizabeth Warren fired 'em up and Bernie Sanders tried his best to whip his Bros into line. Also: hecklers. Here are the best reactions from comedians, pundits and celebrities to Day 1 of the DNC!
Why does the DNC have so many Presidents, Vice Presidents, and Senators speaking? I need to hear from trust fund kids and soap opera actors!
— Jamie Woodham (@jwoodham) July 25, 2016
Al Franken has now written for both the DNC and Ellen Cleghorne.
— Jensen Karp (@JensenClan88) July 26, 2016
You can tell Al Franken wishes he had a longer set. Once a comedian, always a comedian. #DemsInPhilly#DNC
— Hank Thompson (@Hank_Thompson) July 26, 2016
I understand why Al Franken wasn't the VP pick, but man, it would have been entertaining. #DNCinPHL
— Daniel Newman (@CreativeNewman) July 26, 2016
Al Franken and Sarah Silverman riffing should be a nightly TV show. #DNCinPHL
— Mo Ryan (@moryan) July 26, 2016
.@SarahKSilverman just spoke of the importance of unity and tagged it with Baba Booey and thats why she's the best #dnc
— Ike Barinholtz (@ikebarinholtz) July 26, 2016
Is this a political convention or an episode of SNL? Franken? Silverman? Paul Simon? #DNCinPHL
— Ted Alexandro (@tedalexandro) July 26, 2016
Corey Booker gotta fight Chris Christie at Summerslam #DemsInPhilly
— Lamont Price (@LPizzle) July 26, 2016
Kanye West / Cory Booker 2020
— Craig Jenkins (@CraigSJ) July 26, 2016
Bill Clinton perking up and leaning in to the end of Cory Booker's speech is my August aesthetic
— Tim Federle (@TimFederle) July 26, 2016
Cory Booker: [a few drinks deep at the wedding reception] Dare me to upstage the best man's toast.
— Mike Tunison (@xmasape) July 26, 2016
Cory Booker walks off stage, drinks 3 Red Bulls and calls undecided voters for the next 72 hours straight.
— Nicholas Thompson (@nxthompson) July 26, 2016
Expect this next speech to contain some rhetorical echoes of Michelle Obama, if not outright plagiarism.
— Matthew Yglesias (@mattyglesias) July 26, 2016
Melania watching Michelle's speech right now. #DemsInPhillypic.twitter.com/bih1PbolMA
— Travon Free (@Travon) July 26, 2016
this speech is so phenomenal i can't even find the right Beyoncé gif. #MICHELLE
— Ariel Dumas (@ArielDumas) July 26, 2016
It's wild how Michelle Obama burns her old material and writes a new hour after every convention.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) July 26, 2016
If I was Michelle I would have dropped one intact line from Melania's speech in there
— chris hooks (@cd_hooks) July 26, 2016
Michelle steps into the bedroom "Baby did you see my speech? Barack's face... pic.twitter.com/7wJ78SvQx8
— Marchand Bomaye!!! (@MitchMarchand) July 26, 2016
warren bout to light up donny's feelings
— Oliver Willis (@owillis) July 26, 2016
Whoa, whoa, Elizabeth Warren. What's with all the accurate facts and figures? #DemsInPhilly
— Robert Yasumura (@teamyasumura) July 26, 2016
I'm switching back & forth between the #DemsInPhilly& #WWERaw so I keep expecting Melania to come out & hit Elizabeth Warren with a chair.
— Tronald Dump (@ChrisCubas) July 26, 2016
The people booing Elizabeth Warren are all saved as "Annoying Whole Foods Guy" in some girl's phone.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) July 26, 2016
when Warren goes off book she is just like your best wacky high school teacher + Eleanor Roosevelt + your fed up mom
— Anne Helen Petersen (@annehelen) July 26, 2016
It's very goofy how Elizabeth Warren introduces more ideas in one sentence than we heard during the entire RNC.
— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) July 26, 2016
Elizabeth Warren is really the only person I'd consider to reboot Murder, She Wrote.
— Slade Sohmer (@Slade) July 26, 2016
Warren: "Bernie fans, we can't afford to be cynical. It's more important than you"
— Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) July 26, 2016
Bernie or Bust: "lol nothing is more important than me"
soothing acoustic guitars before bernie hollers at us. nice touch.
— El Flaco (@bomani_jones) July 26, 2016
i think bernie sanders brushed his hair y’all it’s about to go down
— Greg Howard (@greghoward88) July 26, 2016
Bernie's oratory style is "emphatically sending soup back for being too cold."
— Dave Horwitz (@Dave_Horwitz) July 26, 2016
"SHUTUP BERNIE IM TRYING TO CHANT FOR YOU"
— ಠ_ಠ (@MikeIsaac) July 26, 2016
BERNIE SANDERS: "What's important now is that we come together as a nation and stop calling me “daddy””
— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) July 26, 2016
a lot of nose rings are being lubricated by tears tonight. #DemsInPhilly
— Morgan Murphy (@morgan_murphy) July 26, 2016
bernie endorsed hillary but your bae still wont post you on instagram
— Desus Nice (@desusnice) July 26, 2016
Bernie's speech is over but make sure you stick around for the Debbie Wasserman Schultz dunk tank, delegates!
— Bobby Big Wheel (@BobbyBigWheel) July 26, 2016
With Bernie Sanders' speech tonight, it's fair to say his campaign has ended, but we will always have the pop culture phenomenon that was Bernie Sanders and Larry David. Here is the best tweet from the first day of the DNC in Philly, from C.J. Fogler, but hopefully not the last Bernie/Larry moment for the internet.
"The speech that almost didn't happen" (with the appropriate soundtrack, video @J_Derm via @WillHarahan) pic.twitter.com/Ri8tjW6ldW
— CJ Fogler (@cjzero) July 26, 2016
FLOTUS killed it Monday night at the Democratic National Convention with an emotional speech that had the convention crowd cheering and Twitter gushing. Four more years of Michelle, please.
The other big story of the DNC's opening night was the visible division between die-hard supporters of Bernie and everyone else. Even former Bernie supporter Sarah Silverman said "you're being ridiculous."
A fan was arrested after smacking Justin Timberlake in the face Saturday at the American Century Celebrity Pro-Am in Lake Tahoe. Luckily, the overzealous fan was immediately punished by the look of disappointment and anger in JT's smoldering eyes.
If you've got a broken iPhone screen, but you were planning to replace it when the new phones come out in September, you may have to wait a little longer. Apple may be waiting until the iPhone's 10th anniversary in 2017 to make the release seem bigger, fancier, and better, even though it's basically the same thing.
It sounds like a plot line from The Americans, but Russia may actually have been behind the hacking of DNC emails that are making the Dems look bad. Is Putin trying to punish Obama and Clinton? To divide the blue team and ensure his admirer Donald Trump wins? The only thing we know for sure is that both the U.S. and Russia have a whole bunch of nuclear weapons.
Lol.
Singer Demi Lovato took the stage at the Democratic National Convention on Monday to give a speech about living with mental illness. Lovato, who has suffered from bipolar disorder as well as eating disorders and substance abuse, spoke candidly about her personal experiences and the need for politicians to do more for those suffering. She ended the speech by reiterating her support for Clinton, and then by singing her song "Confident."
I stand here today as proof that you can live a normal and empowered life with mental illness. I'm proud to support a presidential candidate who will fight to ensure all people living with mental health conditions get the care they need to live fulfilling lives.
That candidate is Hillary Clinton. Let's make her the next president of the United States of America.
A photo posted by Demi Lovato (@ddlovato) on
In turn, Clinton has been vocal in her support of Lovato. In the past, she's lauded Demi for “talking about issues that people sometimes find hard to talk about," specifically in reference to mental health issues.
Watch out, world. Lipstick-selling teen Kylie Jenner is expanding her overpriced cosmetics line and is now selling eyeshadows. On Monday she revealed her new "Kyshadow" kollection on Instagram. Yes, she is calling them "Kyshadows," I did not come up with that.
She wrote on Instagram:
Yay!!!!! Months in the making and i'm so happy my #KYSHADOW is finally here!!! Wow. Thank you to everyone for supporting me throughout my journey. One step closer to my dreams of having a full cosmetic line and YOU are the reason. Go to TheKylieJenner.com to watch an introduction to my Bronze Palette and an exclusive makeup tutorial by@makeupbyariel using the #kyshadows. Also check out my snapchat to watch me show you how I use my palette. ....and want to know when I'm launching? Stay tuned on@kyliecosmetics Instagram! It's sooner than you think! ;)
The "Bronze Palette" features nine shades of brown. You can get light brown, dark brown, medium brown, and six more variations of that one color.
You can purchase Kyshadow starting on Tuesday at 3 p.m. PT, but if her liquid lipstick sales are any indication, this palette will sell out faster than a Kardashian offered an endorsement deal for a random weight-loss tea.
Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna are still together, following reports of a breakup on Monday. The two had supposedly split on camera while filming their upcoming reality show, Rob & Chyna.
Word got out that something might be up with the couple when Rob hastily deleted every picture of Blac Chyna from his Instagram account. Things like that don't go unnoticed for celebrities under constant scrutiny. Perhaps they're a tad stressed because on top of balancing their own TV show, they're also expecting their first child this year.
A source at People reports that it was just a bump in the road:
They filmed over the weekend and had an argument. It's hard to see Rob and Chyna actually splitting. Rob is looking forward to becoming a dad. It would take a lot for him to break up with her.
Deleting all pictures of your fiancée from Instagram might sound harsh, but they can be replaced. Rob will most likely post plenty of new Instagram pics in the weeks leading up to their show's premiere (and maybe delete them all again if they need a ratings boost or quick splash in the news).
Two Florida EMS (emergency medical service) workers, Christopher Wimmer and Kayla Dubois, are being charged with felonies after engaging in a competition to see who could take the best selfies with unconscious patients in ambulances. Of course this happened in Florida.
According to FOX61, the Facebook page of Okaloosa County Sheriff Larry Ashley's office reports that "many patients were intubated, sedated, or otherwise unconcsious at the time" of the photos. According to The Smoking Gun, Wimmer and Dubois snapped selfies with at least 41 patients, including one with "an elderly woman with her breast exposed." Super classy.
A video reportedly recorded by Dubois shows a patient "flailing" while Dubois, a paramedic, smiles into the camera.
The police searched Wimmer's phone and found texts between him and Dubois urging each other to "step up their game." Sure, people get burnt out and bored on the job, but this is bordering on psychopathic.
Every couple of days, a story goes viral about a very public Public Display of Affection, and conspiracy theorists in the UK think the government has something to do with it.
Now, you might just think that people get their kicks waiting to be caught by smartphones, but that's because the government controls your mind. The conspiracy theorists at The Daily Sheeple suspect there must be something behind this worldwide eruption of eroticism.
"It’d be one thing if it was one or two people or even one or two couples, but this is happening with lots of couples all over the globe," Piper McGowin of The Daily Sheeple wrote, before providing a comprehensive list of PDA in the past month:
On July 5th, a couple was filmed in broad daylight doing it on a bench on the waterfront in Novorossiysk, Russia’s main port on the Black Sea on the Western side of the country… without a care in the world.
On July 7th, a couple had sex in broad daylight right outside the Wales football team’s Euro hotel.
On July 15th, it was a couple on the ground right outside the Barcelona Library, again in broad daylight.
On July 22nd, it was a couple right in front of everyone just off a busy street on the party island of Phi Phi in Thailand.
On July 23rd, it was a couple on a sidewalk in a residential area in Minsk, Belarus. The man was filmed with his pants around his ankles wearing a Nike hoodie, and when the story went viral, it prompted a series of really lame “Just Do It!” memes.
«Just do it!» y así lo hicieron en medio de la calle, despertando a todos los vecinos. Fue en Minsk, Bielorrusia. pic.twitter.com/l1BDbELTLO
— JM Noticias (@JMNoticias) July 25, 2016
This pandemic could not simply be a coincidence, so McGowin suggests a few possible reasons:
Is this some weird mass mind control experiment? Is CERN on the fritz? Is all the WI-FI finally frying people’s brains? Why the sudden epidemic of random public sex in broad daylight?
"Obviously we don’t live in the Victorian period but damn, is modesty that dead?" she concludes. If the government is conducting a mass mind-control experiment, then getting people to fornicate in public is probably just the tip of the iceberg.
Trust no one. Autonomy is an illusion.
On July 23, Harriet Rae of Perranporth, England responded to cruel remarks from a couple of clerks at Truro Superdrug by writing a lovely Facebook post earnestly complimenting the women on their hair and makeup and requesting that, in the future, they refrain from saying mean things about their customers. Apparently Rae had heard the two female clerks snickering about her shorts, and instead of hiding her face in shame, she faced them and gave them a huge smile.
To the two girls working in Truro Superdrug this afternoon. Don't worry, I heard the comments you made to each other...
Posted by Harriet Rae on Saturday, July 23, 2016
Her post reads:
To the two girls working in Truro Superdrug this afternoon.
Don't worry, I heard the comments you made to each other about my appearance and my shorts. You spoke loud enough for most people to hear. Its obviously not the first time you've had a giggle and a made comments about another girl but when you do it normally, the person you talk about probably looks away and you actually make them feel really sad inside. But today, by the looks on your faces you really weren't prepared for the massive cheesy smile I gave you!
Just so you know, your words didn't hurt me. The looks you gave me did not either.
I do feel slightly saddened that you think it's ok to speak about another female, or in fact anyone, in that way.
I don't believe you gained anything from it apart from looking a little bit silly when you realised I heard you.
If somehow you end up reading this, as Cornwall is a very small place, can you be a little bit kinder with your words? Some peoples skin isn't as thick as mine has become and the next persons might be very thin indeed.
So in response to your comments, I send back some love!
If you did your own hair and make up for work today, you are both very talented. I could never get my winged liner or my ponytail that perfect!
#makelovenotwar#girlpowerHeres a photo of the cheesy smile and the shorts
Update: I have spoken to the lovely people at Superdrug Head Office today (25.7.16), who apologised for what happened in the Truro Store on Saturday. I reenforced that the intended message of the post was to spread kindness and positivity not embarrassment or hurt. They understood and accepted that I didn't want to give a description of the people or my location in the store when it happened. They have also said that my post will be used in training in the future to make sure it doesn't happen again.
Thank you to everyone who shared the post, sent friend requests and private messages.
I never imagined it would gain so much publicity and it has definitely shown me how powerful social media can be.
Lots of Love <3
Rae's post wasn't about getting anybody in trouble at work, it was just to draw attention to the fact that humans have feelings, and that other people capable of hurting those feelings could maybe try harder not to.
And what's wrong with those shorts anyway?
The public is endlessly fascinated by celebrities who've had plastic surgery. Most stars keep it secret when they go under the knife, leaving it to amateur sleuths to pore over photos and determine what they've had done and when. But a few public figures have proven their chill by admitting with total comfort (and occasional pride) the procedures they've undergone in order to stay relevant in this superficial society. Here are a few of those honest angels:
The perpetually beloved star of Friends and other non-Friends projects was asked by People back in 2007 to comment on rumors that she had some work done. (Those haven't stopped.) She confirmed them, but in a way that's sure to disappoint her haters:
It's funny. I had [a deviated septum] fixed – best thing I ever did. I slept like a baby for the first time in years. As far as all the other [rumors], as boring as it sounds, it's still mine. All of it. Still mine.
In an March 2015 interview with Vogue, the Australian rapper proudly brought up her breast implants. Asked what she would change about her body (a question mysteriously never asked of men in interviews) she responded, "I did change something: Four months ago, I got bigger boobs! I'd thought about it my entire life."
The Modern Family star also had surgery on her breasts, but in her case it was a reduction (from a 32F to a 32D). She went public about the procedure and made no attempt to hide her scars—just one in a long line of cool body-positive moves she's made in her career. She told Motto that although she saw plenty of creepy comments about her boobs from mouth-breathers on the internet, they didn't factor into her decision to have the surgery:
It wasn’t because of the mean comments online. It wasn’t because I didn’t like how I looked. Having so much weight on my frame was affecting me psychologically. I was uncomfortable and unhappy. I chose surgery because of how I felt, not because of what anyone else thought.
Backstreet Boys superfans may remember that this 38-year-old pop star is a member of the Backstreet Boys. (Deep cut!) In 2011, he decided to take care of his thinning hair with some state-of-the-art plugs. He was so happy with the results, he thanked his doctor on Instagram:
A photo posted by Aj mclean (@skulleeroz) on
You may be shocked to learn that Golden Girls star Betty White used cosmetic surgery to become America's favorite 94-year-old. (She's actually 37!) In reality, White told People that she did have some work done—40 years ago.
It's not nice to fool Mother Nature! But in 1976 I had my eyelids done. I scolded myself forever, but now I'm glad I did it.
As long as she never touches those grandmotherly crinkles around her eyes, we'll be happy. Those are national treasures.
In 2012, the late comedian joked to Anderson Cooper that she'd had more than 700 procedures, adding, "Every weekend I just go in and I do something new. I get a 10th one free. It's a little like coffee, you just keep going." Although she immediately confirmed that she was just goofing around in that way comedians do, Rivers was always open about her various cosmetic surgeries.
She may be the best advocate for plastic surgery there is. Not because of the surgeries themselves—just because she was the best. Damn I miss that woman.
Daniel Stern, who played Marv Merchants, one of the thieves in Home Alone, posted a video on YouTube on July 25 showing off his former co-star who stopped by for a little visit 26 years after the movie.
While someone else films him, Stern introduces his friend (who he trapped in a bucket) to the camera.
But Stern decided not to completely recreate his special moment with his spider co-star.
But him just dropping by unannounced so many years after the movie was definitely a shock.
What's next for the spider? Well, immediately after this video was shot, the spider starred in a short called "Being Dumped Unceremoniously Outside." Maybe he'll continue his random visits—be sure to check a garage near you.
"Bad Lip Reading" is known for its irredeemably wacky voice overs, but this one might pass as a legitimate anti-Trump stump speech. That is, if it weren't for phrases like, "Oh hey someone's giving me the hairy eyeball, do you have a problem?"
Then again, Ted Cruz was getting plenty of hairy eyeballs thrown his way as he shaded the Republican nominee at his own convention.
But lines like, Trump "is way out of his mind, just like all of you guys I guess," probably resonate a little more than expected for fans of the crazy-dubs series.
Cross your fingers and hope you hear something like, "If we elect this cartoon of a human, we will have made a mistake," at the Democratic National Convention.
And points for Hillary if she says Trump's "a straight up mess. That guy wants to party and have someone who will do the puking for him."
Ariana Grande, the human embodiment of the ponytail, is having an adventurous summer of hair exploration. After years of popularizing the high pony, Grande has added another dimension to her signature 'do, adding business in the front and a party in the back, without going full mullet.
That's right, Grande now has shorter hair across her forehead, in a look traditionally known as "bangs" (or "fringe" in the UK).
The hair change isn't the only exciting development in Grande's life. The singer has found among the most elusive things that people spend their whole lives looking for: a Pikachu.
A photo posted by Ariana Grande (@arianagrande) on
A waiter at an Olive Garden in Little Rock, Arkansas helped a customer named Dallas French out immensely by feeding her hungry four-month-old baby her bottle so that French could eat her own food. And he did this without even knowing what a rough day it had been for her. French and her family had just come from Arkansas Children's Hospital where her baby, Ellee, had tested positive for E. coli.
I forgot to post this Thursday after all that had happened that day I was really out of it (and probably the lack of...
Posted by Dallas French on Sunday, July 24, 2016
Her grateful post reads:
I forgot to post this Thursday after all that had happened that day I was really out of it (and probably the lack of sleep this past month) but we went to Olive Garden in little rock after Ellees tests at Children's hospital and she was starving and I was trying to make a bottle and spilled it all over me an the floor and made another bottle and our waiter ( wish I knew his name) watched all that had happened and just had brought our salad and bread sticks and said here let me feed her and you eat.. This melted all of us and this is what we need more of! He fed her I ate my salad and bread sticks and that milk on the floor got cleaned up after we left because he just understood! He didn't even know what we had went through that day and showed us love an understanding- not irritated that I had made a mess an my baby was screaming... Gosh I wish I woulda got his name because he deserves the recognition!! And it's the Olive Garden on Rodney parham in little rock AR!
The employee in charge of Olive Garden's Facebook page jumped in to thank French for her post, and as her post went viral (it's been shared on Facebook over 29,000 times and garnered 148,100 "reactions"), more people added their own great Olive Garden experiences, in Little Rock and elsewhere.
Seems like when you're there, you really are family—and not the kind you want to run away from.
While French didn't remember the server's name, she has that nice picture of him. Olive Garden posted a comment assuring her that the Little Rock staff would get the kudos they so clearly deserved. It just goes to show sometimes a little bit of help really goes a long way.
Liv Tyler shared an Instagram photo on Monday of herself breastfeeding her newborn daughter, Lula. Lula is just over two weeks old, and is her second child with fiancéeDave Gardner. Here's Liv with Lula, enjoying some family time (and breakfast for one of them) over the weekend:
Sunday morning snuggles with my baby girl. So grateful for this precious gift.
A photo posted by Liv Tyler (@misslivalittle) on
It looks a lot like the pic of Lula with Gardner shortly after she was born, in which he unsuccessfully also tried to breastfeed:
A photo posted by Liv Tyler (@misslivalittle) on
Lula is lucky to have very loving parents, and there are certain to be more classy black and white Instagram photos of her throughout her childhood.