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32 dads being ridiculously embarrassing on Facebook.

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Just don't empty the dishes into the cat box like last time.

Before Facebook, you went through five key stages in your relationship with your father. He held you in the hospital when you were born, you competed with him for your mother's love, you accidentally saw his penis when you were six, you hated him when you were a teenager, and then you spent the next few decades sharing polite conversation about sports and digestion. Now, thanks to Mark Zuckerberg, you also have to endure the Facebook stage. Celebrate Father's Day with this collection of fathers exhibiting some truly cringe-worthy behavior on Facebook.

 


Maybe hire someone on staff to handle your online interactions with your offspring?

 


Your fault. You shouldn't have taught him the word "fap."

 


Won't that scald, Dad?

 


Depends on what you're lifting.

 


When will someone lecture dad about the necessity of punctuation?

    


It's a rough day when you encounter your dad sexually expressing himself with the word "Giggidy."

 

Posted 6/12/13:


When "looking out for my little girl" goes too far.

 


UNFRIEND! UNFRIEND! UNFRIEND!

    


And lost you as a Facebook friend.

 

 


Yeah, that's not okay.

   


I'm starting to really value my dad's discretion.

    


He's dealing with fertility issues. Let him vent.

   


We know you do it. Don't remind us. Thanks.

   


Good reason.

   


Someone's about to friend Family Court.

    


No more pics. You'll give him an acid flashback.

   


He just wants to be part of your life!

   


Agreed. And what club let you in wearing those sneakers?

   


Not embarrassing. We all cried at the end of that movie.

   


Meet fun dad!

   


Mom better tell everyone in the family to quit the chit chat about her womb.

    


Nice work Stephen. He'll be dead soon. Just get him that casserole while you still can.

    


Just dropping by your page with some fatherly wisdom about Hanes briefs. Love you, son.

   


This is a good father.

   


Never go online after colonoscopy gas.

   


Nice. Wait...is that Jeremy Renner?

    


Like if guilt could be delivered with the efficiency of a predator drone.

    


Dad's had some accidents. 

 


Great bunch of folks.

   


Air travel was ruined for him forever that day.

   


Kyle speaks for us all.

(Originally published June 12, 2013)


Poorly said.

A seven-foot actor dressed as a terrifying Orc went shopping in a supermarket and almost wandered in the girls' bathroom by accident.

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"Find the half-off deals!"

The last time anyone saw an Uruk-Hai Orc from The Lord of the Rings, they were desperately trying to locate and kill Frodo Baggins to take his precious ring back to Sauron. Now that the war is over and Mordor has been vanquished, however, they have to make the transition to civilian life. Instead of eating whoever they happen to kill, they have to go shopping. More terrifyingly, they have to deal with the fact that the only people they can scare are women using the restroom, and women using the restroom generally scream when I accidentally wander in the wrong door, so that doesn't really count.

7-ft tall Dutch actor and bodybuilder Olivier Richters inhabited the Orc for this stunt, helping out makeup artist Roseanne Puck Aafjes with her graduation assignment for school. I'd say she passed with flying colors, although I urge her to remember what happened to Sarumon, the last person to create Uruk Hai from scratch.

(by Johnny McNulty)

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - June 12, 2014

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1. The New York Rangers Won Game 4 Of The Stanley Cup Final And Dragged Out The Hockey Season Even Longer

The New York Rangers defeated the Los Angeles Kings last night in a 2-1 win that ensured this series, and thus the sport of hockey, would continue to be in the news for at least another few days. The Rangers, who were down 0-3 in the series before last night, live to see another day thanks in large part to the 40 saves made by goalie Henrik Lundqvist, which is no doubt a delight for your one friend who cares about hockey.


2. George H.W. Bush Celebrated His 90th Birthday By Jumping Out Of A Plane Because It's Starting To Seem More Likely He's Invincible

Former President George H.W. Bush celebrated his 90th birthday today the way anyone would if they'd made it to 90: by jumping out of a plane. Bush, who has survived bronchitis, Parkinson's, and Saddam Hussein, must have figured that gravity was also not capable of bringing him down. Bush says this was his last jump, but he also jumped on his 80th and 85th birthdays.


3. Mila Kunis Objected To Men Who Say "We" Are Pregnant, Which Made Me Think Of A Great Premise For An Ashton Kutcher Movie

Pregnant actress Mila Kunis appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live on Tuesday to deliver a public service announcement to men who say "we're" pregnant. Kunis explained that men can't claim they're pregnant since they don't have to "squeeze a watermelon-sized person out of your ladyhole." Which sounds like the premise for a great Ashton Kutcher summer movie! 


4. Texas Governor Rick Perry Compared Homosexuality To Alcoholism So We Compared Rick Perry To A Turd

Texas Governor Rick Perry, who much like a turd is both unpleasant to be around and not very smart, compared homosexuality to alcoholism last night at an event in San Francisco (Yes, in San Francisco! Such chutzpah!). Building on the Texas GOP's new platform advocating gay conversion therapy, Perry claimed that even if people have a genetic predisposition to alcoholism, they can choose not to be alcoholics. Similarly, the governor claimed people who are genetically predisposed to homosexuality can choose not to be gay, which brings us back to our original point about Rick Perry needing to be flushed. 


5. Leaders Of A Military Coup In Thailand Ordered TV Providers To Give Free World Cup Access To Distract People From Their Country Being Taken Over By A Military Coup

The ruling junta in Thailand, which took over in late May, has ordered TV providers to make sure viewers won't have to pay a fee to get access to World Cup coverage. The order is part of the junta's "happiness campaign," which has included such gimmicks as free haircuts and concert tickets, like some kind of democracy-breaching pub quiz night. It remains to be seen if these super fun incentives can sufficiently distract the public from the strict curfews and jailing of opponents.

(by Shira Rachel DananDennis DiClaudio is off today.)

Keep in touch.

Tired excuse.

10-year-old prodigy graduates high school.

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I'm smarter than you. (via KXTV)

You can stop bragging about whatever it is you were just about to brag about. A 10-year-old kid just got his high school diploma. 

At the age of four, Tanishq Abraham was the youngest person to be admitted to MENSA, the high IQ society. By seven he abandoned the losers at his public school to be homeschooled by his parents, although in an interview with Reuters, his mother admits he was mostly self-taught.

"The way my brain works is that when you give me something, information about that topic comes into my mind. I don't know what it is but that's how it is for me," said Abraham. 

But where is that information coming from? The way he describes his intelligence is the way my psychic told me she had a vision about which hair conditioner I should be using. 

He actually finished his early exit high school exam in March, but he was too busy taking classes at a local community college to bother with receiving his HS diploma. This means, somewhere an American River College student is getting drunk in a bar because they got a B on a test where the curve was set by someone who is closer in age to a fetus than a person who is allowed to get drunk in a bar. 

After Abraham gets his associates degree (why bother?), he will attend UC Davis because it is close to home, because he is a tiny child. 

"My ultimate goal would be science, like scientist or doctor, but I also want to be president too," Abraham said.

Awww, I love 10-year-old geniuses. Smart enough to possibly cure cancer, too naive to understand that "being president" would be a total waste of his intellect. 

(by Myka Fox)

Give and take.


Dadio.

If Game of Thrones took place entirely on Facebook - Season 4, Episode 9.

Tough love.

Dadus quo.

Bill Murray takes engagement photos with strangers

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 (pic via Fia Forever)

Everyone but Bill Murray smile for the camera!

Bill Murray, actor, comedian, and two-time divorcee, has cosigned yet another marriage. 

He made headlines less than a month ago when he delivered an improptu toast at a stranger's wedding. Now he's popping up in engagement photos. 

Erik Rogers and Ashley Donald hired photographer Raheel Gauba to capture the precious moments of their engagement when everything is all about them. Turns out their eternal love isn't quite as interesting as a man who spent part of eternity trying to sleep with Andie McDowell. 

Here's Gauba's account of the incident as he writes on his website.

I set the couple down on the little staircase to get ready for a shot and I hear people talking in the back and as I'm looking through the lens, the couple seems stunned and distracted.. I think to myself -- oh great, something is bothering them -- I turn around and I see Mr. Murray standing there with his shirt pulled up and belly proudly on display which he is patting pretty loudly in an attempt to make the couple laugh -- Needless to say I was stunned and I invited Mr. Murray to join the couple for a quick shot -- He obliged and congratulated them and went on his way... leaving behind and extremely happy couple and this photo that will be forever remembered by this couple (and us!!!).

Now their engagement photos have gone viral. Congrats to the happy couple, and the even happier photographer.

"Hi, I have a wedding coming up. I'd like to hire the guy who got the random shot of Bill Murray. What do you mean you can't guarantee Bill Murray will crash my photo shoot?"

(by Myka Fox)

New photos from Kim and Kanye's wedding are here and everyone looks beautifully bummed out.

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Two new photos from the upcoming Kim and Kanye's Wedding episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians were posted on Khloe Kardashian's Instagram page and reveal that no one should feel bummed about not being famous enough to have been invited. Because if these are the good shots, it's hard to imagine how bleak the photos are that didn't make the cut.

One shot of Kanye holding the baby while Kim pretends to not notice the camera is captioned "My everything," possibly a reference to Khloe's source of income for the next couple of years until Mom hatches a new plan.

The second photo appears to have been taken as Kanye delivered the non-traditional groom's speech where he informs the bride's family how shit is going to be from now on. You can almost hear him saying, "I feel like y'all aren't respecting me as the greatest groom of all time!" Kim is missing from the photo, possibly just out of frame as she tried to get her brother Rob to sign a non-disclosure agreement right before he bolted for the airport.

Everyone in the picture seems to be involved in a pretty serious discussion. Everyone, that is, but Kris, who is seen staring at Kanye with a look on her face that says, "I've created a monster... a monster ratings hit!"

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Try this at home: a guy fed alligators marshmallows out of his mouth.

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If you were trying to think of fun vacation activities to do with the whole family, consider feeding an alligator a marshmallow from your own mouth. It's an easy way to stay cool in the summer heat, and it's definitely safe and a really good idea. 

Tourists on a swamp boat tour in a Louisiana marsh gave us the idea for this DIY adventure when they captured this footage of a man feeding two alligators pieces of chicken and marshmallows from his mouth. Good news: technically, the man didn't break any state laws (though it's against the laws of Jefferson Parish to feed the gators). 

State wildlife officials are investigating the incident, but we're sure they'll soon give everyone the go-ahead to try this at home. We'll be ready.

(by Shira Rachel Danan)


Technical issues.

This is how you put an elephant down for a nap.

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(via)

This is Lek. I wish she was my mom. 

Or I wish I was an elephant at Lek's park and I could have her sing to me the way she sings to her elephant, Faa Mai. 

Singing. Swishing a blanket around like she has a trunk. So relaxing. No one has ever dumped me at 3am via text message. Sleepy, sleepy. So sweet. So soothing. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....

Thanks to redditor poppadomnom for introducing me to my new trance place. Everything is going to be ok.

(by Myka Fox)

A baby and a cat watching a video produce the perfect finale to a Rube Goldberg machine.

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Rube Goldberg is the cartoonist famous for inventing wildly complicated gadgets designed to perform a simple task. As Rube Goldberg machines go, the one featured in this video isn't all that spectacular. But as far as cats and babies watching a Rube Goldberg machine videos go, it's near-perfect, with an ending that would make Rube himself proud. It's almost as if the gadget was designed to end with the cat and the baby turning around in perfect synchronization to produce a giggle from the woman with the camera.

The most ingenious part of the machine is that it never needs to be rebuilt. All mom has to do is hit replay, and the Rube Goldberg Cat And Baby Sitter does the rest.

Flag up + cat and baby turn = mom giggling. Tada!

(by Jonathan Corbett)

A kid with special needs returned a stranger's lost license, and a friendship was born.

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When Oregon man Jacob Fry lost his license, he figured it was gone forever. Then, a few days later, he received the license in the mail along with this letter:

The letter was from Steven Cruthirds, an 11-year-old boy with autism. Steven explained that he'd found Jacob's license on the street and thought returning it would be "the nice thing to do."  

He asked that Jacob simply pay the good deed forward, but Jacob wanted to reward the kid's act of kindness. So Jacob contacted Steven's family to see if it would be okay to give Steven some Legos. The two met and quickly became friends. Jacob also set up an online fund to help raise $1,000 for Steven to do whatever he likes with. 

Steven's thoughtful action came from a place of concern. If Jacob didn't get his license back, "He'd have to go on the bus. And no one likes the bus," Steven told ABC affiliate KDRV

Truer words have never been spoken, Steven. 

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

Fair trade

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