Given the endless supply of bizarre, horrifying, and surreal detritus that continues to bleed from Donald Trump's wherever, none of us should be surprised that he just said "titties" on national television while giving a speech in Detroit. We should be surprised that he hasn't said it sooner.
Ironically, or not, the word slipped out while he was giving a speech on economics meant to curry favor with the increasingly alienated GOP pro-business base. Here's what he said:
“This business tax will also end job-killing corporate inversions and cause trillions in new dollars in wealth to come pouring into our country and, by the way, into titties like right here in Detroit.”
This leaves us with still more unanswered questions: did he mean to say "towns and cities"? Was is a Freudian slip? Or was it all part of a complex scheme to win over the public with subliminal messaging?
If so, it might be working, because this might be the most likable thing he's ever done. Trump might be a potential geopolitical catastrophe, he's also just a boy standing in front of the world, blurting out the word "titties."
Rob Kardashian's fiancé, Blac Chyna, pregnant and feeling all the things, went in for a beauty treatment that left her covered in a nasty rash. But don't worry, no rash is going to rain on her parade. Chyna took to Snapchat to regale us with her first world problem ordeal. The result? Hilarity!
A fan was able to capture the Snaps and post them to Instagram, and that is what we're most grateful for today.
A video posted by Robert🍀😈💍🍼Angela😈🍀💍🍼👶🏽❤️♉ ♓ (@blacrob_whoa_baby) on
What stage of grieving is denial?
Unrelated, but can Blac Chyna deliver the next State of the Union address? Can we start a Change.org petition for this like yesterday? Somebody get on that...
What happens when Donald Trump can't decide whether to say "towns" or "cities"? Titties happens. He meant to say money would come pouring into cities like Detroit. Donald Trump mocked Obama for years for using Teleprompters, but it's apparently harder than it looks.
Here are the 19 funniest reactions to his gaffe:
1.
aide: read from the teleprompter, that way you won’t say anything stupid trump: got it [5m later] trump: TITTIES
Here's a "funny" "prank"—a family convinced their grizzled Scottish father that the world had fallen into nuclear warfare by playing a terrifyingly convincing fake BBC news broadcast. Though it's just a joke, the video of this prank is surprisingly emotionally affecting. What it really highlights is how the world really could unravel in the span of 20 minutes. Tough stuff for a Monday.
And this was the fake broadcast the family of pranksters used:
Oh, and that kid running around is gonna be f*cked up from this day.
Anyone who has ever been employed knows every company has its share of secrets. The bigger the company, the more important it is that that secret doesn't see the light of day. Thanks to the anonymity of the internet and some truly horrendous identity-hiding screen names, 13 of these secrets are coming out. Companies, prepare to have your whistle blown.
1. plantfuker shines light on a brand new Subway scandal.
2. ndividualistic says a customer service rep just needs to hear these magic words.
3. And Acicin reveals what a rep does when they don't want the customer to hear their magic words.
4. ChildofValhalla unveils a secret that comes out in the wash.
13. And finally, The_Hero_of_Legend reveals that you're better off donning that blue apron than work at the second (third?) most magical place on earth.
The love story of Kylie Jenner and Tyga has been a roller coaster of emotions for all of us. But now that the love birds are officially back together, Tyga decided to prove his love by buying Kylie a Mercedes Maybach for her 19th birthday on August 10th.
Most teenagers would be jumping for joy if a $200,000 vehicle was parked in their driveway with a red bow, but Kylie Jenner is not most teenagers, so she just posted a video of her new car to Snapchat and Instagram. She simply wrote "Thank you baby," and tagged Tyga on Instagram.
Not exactly the most enthusiastic response, is it? Maybe cars have lost their appeal for Kylie. After all, Tyga did lease her a Ferrari for her 18th birthday last year. Or maybe Kylie just isn't one of those people who likes to show their emotions. Either way, this 19 year-old now owns a car that none of us could ever dream of affording. Doesn't that make you feel great?
Taylor Swift is curling her hair again like she did in 2009, when she was America's Princess Victim and Kanye West was the asshole who interrupted her speech at the VMAs. Oh, Tay-Tay. You can't just go back in time that easily. Still, it looks like Swift isn't spending too much time thinking about snake emojis and Kim Kardashian's Snapchat while she's partying with friends in the Hamptons:
During an interview for New York Magazine, the creators and voices of Rick and Morty voiced a whole new episode for fans. Dan Harmon, the show's co-creator, led Spencer Grammer (the voice of Summer), Justin Roiland (Rick and Morty), and writer Ryan Ridley in a 4:20 (nice) improvised episode about getting 120 cc's of feces getting injected into Morty's kneesies.
If you liked that (and you're depressed that Season 3 of Rick and Morty is still a year away), you'll friggin love this actual, real-life court transcript read by Justin Roiland in the voices of both Rick and Morty:
Congratulations, dear internet, for Hamilton's Lin-Manuel Miranda and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson have together created a version of "Gaston," the classic Disney song from Beauty and the Beast. What have you done to earn this? Who knows, but it will surely leave you thinking "Wait, why aren't they in the upcoming remake?"
Sure, it's no "Tale As Old As Time" or even "Beauty and the Beast," but like, come on, it's cute. (And nobody can top Angela Lansbury.)
It's so cute, but for the life of us we still can't figure out why they aren't in the upcoming live-action remake starring Emma Watson. Like, seriously, makes zero sense.
It's not like Miranda and Johnson are strangers to the world of Disney. Miranda will join Emily Blunt and that up-and-comer Meryl Streep in the remake of Mary Poppins. Plus, Johnson is the voice of the Hawaiian demi-god Maui in Moana.
It's a motley crew to say the least, but Donald Trump has managed to drum up a few "celebrity" endorsements during his ongoing bid for the presidency.
Although most of Hollywood is proudly exclaiming they're "With Her," a few brave and possibly crazy outliers have publicly endorsed the reality star turned politician Donald Trump for President of the United States (let that sink in). If you're worried that you will lose your respect for the stars backing Trump, don't. They never had your respect in the first place.
1. Scott Baio
Chachi loves Trump. Scott Baio supports the Republican Nominee so hard that he even spoke on his behalf at this year's RNC. What a get!
2. Clint Eastwood
Clint Eastwood came out with praise for The Donald in a recent interview in Esquire. Like many old racists, Eastwood praises Trump for speaking his mind, no matter how awful that mind is.
But he's onto something, because secretly everybody's getting tired of political correctness, kissing up. That's the kiss-ass generation we're in right now. We're really in a pussy generation. Everybody's walking on eggshells. We see people accusing people of being racist and all kinds of stuff. When I grew up, those things weren't called racist.
But as of July, she has tweeted that she is "sick of both parties." Although she has not officially rescinded her Trump endorsement, it would seem that the former Cheers actress may not be as enthusiastic as she was in her support last year.
getting sick of both parties.ENOUGH w sappy angelic pretense from one & w derogatory juvenile name calling f the other CUT TO THE SOLUTIONS!
People are generally surprised to find that Hugh Hefner's ex-girlfriend considers herself a true conservative, seeing that she literally lived in a sex mansion at 19-years-old, but don't judge a conservative by her cover (or lack thereof). Kendra spoke to Fox News back in March about supporting Trump in a really bizarre statement.
I support Donald Trump, but I also support abortion and a women's right to choice what to do with their body. I'm more of a conspiracy theorist. I think everything is a motive for money.
Conspiracy theorists for Trump!
5. Chuck Norris
After his preferred nominee, Mike Huckabee, dropped out of the race, the Walker, Texas Ranger vowed to support whoever the GOP nominee would be. It ended up being Trump, and he is sticking with his guns (and not just the ones under his sleeves).
After Mike dropped out, I decided to wait until the people chose the candidate they wanted as their next president. Then, I would wholeheartedly support that candidate, which is now Donald Trump.
Chuck is voting for Trump as a way to vote against Hillary, and to maintain solidarity with the Republican Party.
6. Tom Brady
Patriot Tom Brady was outed as a Trumpian when someone snapped this pic of the infamous red "Make America Great Again" hat in his locker room.
Nugent picked the perfect place to endsore Trump—the annual NRA convention. He went on a bit of a rant, particularly against Vermont senator Bernie Sanders, telling him to "eat sh*t and die." Charming.
the US government has lost its soul under devilobama
In the speech, he also spoke openly about how much he liked the idea of banning Muslims in a charming analogy to dogs, so yeah. He is pretty on board with Trump.
After appearing on Celebrity Apprentice twice, Busey decided to endorse Trump. Ah, that highly coveted Busey endorsement.
I know him personally. I know him professionally. He's a great guy. He's sharp. He's fast. He can change the country after the last eight years.
He also endorsed Trump back in 2012 when we were all still laughing at the prospect of Donald Trump getting close to the White House. Well, who's laughing now?
A photo posted by Azealia Banks (@azealiabanks) on
Azealia Banks may be banned from Twitter, but she is not banned from the voting booth. In a now-deleted Twitter rant, she said she is voting for Trump because he "is full of shit." Finally, some truth.
She tweeted, "I only trust this country to be what it is: full of shit. takes shit to know shit so we may as well, put a piece of shit in the White House," and then went on to say, "I have no hope for America. It is what it is. Capitalist, consumerist, racist land of make believe. Its inherently evil and must feed ..."
What? Wait, it get's weirder.
"Just how this web of lies and oppression has spawned itself into this global influence and made people proud to be a part of it." Before she wrapped it up by saying, "In conclusion, I think Donald trump is evil like America is evil and in order for America to keep up with itself it needs him."
Former WWE Superstar Hulk Hogan wants two old white dudes with horrible hair in the White House, and went on the record to say he wanted to be Trump's VP. I mean, we keep saying this election couldn't get any crazier, so would you even be surprised if Pence gets dumped for the Hulk? He then got serious about why he wants to vote for Trump.
"This country needs to be shaken up. It needs to be shaken to its very core, and Donald Trump is doing that."
A photo posted by stephenbaldwin7 (@stephenbaldwin7) on
Usually, when you are picking the leader of the free world, you want someone with knowledge and experience to ensure that your country isn't run into the ground. Not Stephen Baldwin! He likes that Trump has no idea what he's doing.
I think he’d make a great president because he’s not a politician and that’s what we see this surge of voters gathering around in support of him, it’s because he’s telling it like it is.
A politician having the most prestigious job in politics? Nah, let's get the misogynistic orange guy from The Apprentice.
14. Teresa Giudice
Famed table-flipper and convicted felon Teresa Giudice of The Real Housewives of New Jersey gave Trump her stamp of approval on Watch What Happens Live to a highly uncomfortable Andy Cohen.
Yea, although Teresa said she is planning on voting Trump, she actually can't vote until February 2018, when her community service sentence is officially over. Should someone tell her? No one tell her.
American swimmer Lilly King beat her Russian rival by less than a second to win the 100m breaststroke! Everyone freaked out about "cupping," an alt medicine technique popular at the Olympics and invented by octopuses. Also, Michael Phelps was pictured glowering, to the internet's delight. All this and more, in the 25 best reactions to the third day of the Olympics!
1.
[me swimming at the Olympics] *dives in* *immediately gets out and towels off* The water is too cold
If you've ever even thought about eating better or getting in shape, you were probably immediately bombarded from friends and websites with dubious advice about protein—so here is SciShow to quickly set the record straight. Nutrition is full of pseudoscience for a very simple reason: everyone eats, so everyone thinks they're an expert. So, here's what protein actually does.
The most common mistake people make is "muscle is protein, therefore the protein you eat gets added directly to your muscle." Wrong. The kinds of proteins muscles are made of have to be built from scratch inside your body. Protein you eat is broken down into amino acids, which are then rebuilt into stuff your cells can use. Your steak doesn't go to your biceps, because your steak is a cow, and your arms are not compatible with cow-muscle.
There are only a few amino acid compounds your body specifically needs to obtain from foods. The others can be manufactured in your body, so you don't need as much meat and/or tofu as you might think. Your body DOES use amino acids to make new muscles, but it DOES NOT store them for very long. If you eat a steak for lunch but don't work out before dinner, it'll just turn to waste and fat like everything else you eat. If you down a protein shake near the time of a workout, your body will have more amino acids sitting around to quickly rebuild muscle, but it's hardly a miracle boost.
The short answer is that unless you're a) sick, b) bulking up very quickly or c) an infant—the ultimate form of bulking up quickly—you probably get enough protein. If you want to gain muscle, you should focus more on the actually-working-out part.
So your boyfriend is going on vacation, and you want to make him a list of "rules" he should follow while you're away from each other. Is this a red flag or just cute? Well, this woman did it, and her boyfriend posted it to Twitter, so now it's up to the internet to decide. Let's break down these "rules."
1. Make sure your phone is charged at ALL times! Phone me at least once a day (2 mins).
Well, keeping your phone charged is practical, but putting a time requirement on communication is weird. Who can sustain a 2-minute conversation in the text era?
2. No girls whatsoever. Don't look! Don't talk! Do not touch!!! (Cheat & I will destroy everything celtic, I will also make your life a living hell. KIM WILL BE TOLD 2 :-) )
(Side note: The names are confusing. The tweet says "Whitneys," but the rules say Kim, who is apparently an all-seeing, terrifying spymaster.)
"I will destroy everything celtic?" We know from the boyfriend's profile that this couple is from Scotland. Is she literally going to lay waste to all of Scotland, Ireland, Wales and Brittany in retaliation for cheating? Will she cross the Pond and destroy the Boston NBA team, too? Who cares, this is riveting.
3. Do not follow girls on social media...
4. Tattoo = NAW, you'll be checked when home.
5. DON'T mix drink!! "DRUGS ARE FOR MUGS"
6. If on boat party, no drinking games with the opposite sex.
Does this include family members? Lesbians? So confused.
7. Stay in your own bed!
8. Dinny buy girls drink. That money can be spent on me. xo
(Editor's note: Scottish people say "dinnae" instead of "do not" and "did not.")
9. Text Kim Everyday! She'll be worrying.
Contrary to common belief, talking about yourself in third person actually means you're mentally stable. Points for Kimmy.
10. You tell every girl about me OK - if someone flirts, WALK AWAY - NO PHOTOS WITH RANDOM GIRLS OR SC STORIES
Something tells us she doesn't want him to take pictures with other girls, what do you think?
Kim closes with...
Have a nice flight, stay safe.
Hmmm, this is a tough one, but we're going to have to go with...
Michael Phelps' seething grimace before the men's 200m butterfly has officially dethroned Oily Tonga Flagbearer as the greatest meme of the Olympics so far.
The most decorated Olympian of all time got in the zone before getting to the pool, eyeing down his opponent, South African swimmer Chad le Clos, like you eye down someone who's cut you off in traffic or stolen the last fry. Apparently Le Clos had "warmed up with a little dancing," and Phelps didn't love it. Here are Twitter's best uses of this universal emotion.
This is my final week of shooting Fast & Furious 8. There's no other franchise that gets my blood boiling more than this one. An incredible hard working crew. Universal Studios Entertainment has been great partners as well. My female co-stars are always amazing and I love 'em. My male co-stars however are a different story. Some conduct themselves as stand up men and true professionals, while others don't. The ones that don't are too chicken shit to do anything about it anyway. Candy asses. When you watch this movie next April and it seems like I'm not acting in some of these scenes and my blood is legit boiling - you're right.
Bottom line is it'll play great for the movie and fits this Hobbs character that's embedded in my DNA extremely well. The producer in me is happy about this part. Final week on FAST 8 and I will finish strong. #IcemanCometh#F8#ZeroToleranceForCandyAsses
Woahhhhh! Who pissed off The Rock?
Well, according to IMDB, The Rock's male costars include the likes of Scott Eastwood, Jason Statham, Vin Diesel (a.k.a, smaller Rock), Kurt Russell, Ludacris, and TyreseGibson, so it's almost impossible to put your finger on who the "chicken sh*t candy asses" in question are.
But like, better not mess with The Rock, guys. He could beat you all up.
Susan Collins, a Republican Senator from Maine—not to be confused with Suzanne Collins, Hunger Games author, who is probably thrilled at the looming prospect of dystopia—published an op-ed in the Washington Poston Monday explaining why she will break from her party and not support GOP presidential candidate Donald "Titties" Trump. It's not because she disagrees with his political views, but rather because she thinks of him what you've often said aloud while reading the latest outrageous Trump quotation: "What an unbelievable asshole!"
Of course, she puts it much more delicately:
My conclusion about Mr. Trump’s unsuitability for office is based on his disregard for the precept of treating others with respect, an idea that should transcend politics.
Oh snap! That's the respectable newspaper equivalent of, "Who the fuck does this dipshit think he is?!"
The essence of Collins' rejection of Trump is that he's an irredeemable asshole. pic.twitter.com/bA3BdyO3G2
Collins explains that three incidents in particular got her to this point, though surely it was hard to narrow down: 1) "his mocking of a reporter with disabilities," 2) his "repeated insistence that Gonzalo Curiel, a federal judge born and raised in Indiana, could not rule fairly in a case involving Trump University because of his Mexican heritage," and 3) "criticism of the grieving parents of Army Capt. Humayun Khan."
And no, Collins doesn't go so far as to endorse Hillary Clinton. Trump would have to insult a whole lot more Gold Star parents for her to do that.