Quantcast
Channel: someecards.com
Viewing all 38991 articles
Browse latest View live

6 ways to use coconut oil to fix all the mistakes in your life.

0
0

Coconut oil can do anything. ANYTHING! I'm not even exaggerating when I say it solves all of life's problems. You can moisturize your skin with it, pop popcorn in it, rub it on your dog, or make it into mayonnaise. It will make your family finally respect you, raise your credit score, bring world peace, and more, probably. Here are six tips you can try today to change your life with coconut oil.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?

1. Remove makeup.

Looks natural.

OK, trying the smoky-eye look was a huge mistake. You showed up for your job interview looking like a raccoon who got dumped by her boyfriend on prom night. Thankfully coconut oil easily removes even waterproof makeup.


2. Shave your legs.

"Haha shaving is so fun. I love my life."

Were you born with body hair? Big mistake. Become the smooth, slippery dolphin-human hybrid God intended you to be by shaving with coconut oil. Your skin will be so smooth, you'll probably get banned from children's birthday parties because you can't stop touching your skin. It's that awesome. Coconut oil sort of clogs razor blades though, so rinse often, or just use your roommate's razor because those things are pretty expensive.


3. Fix your love life.

Fire your couples therapist, because all your relationship problems are about to be solved by coconut oil. If only this stuff was trending back when your parents divorced, life might've turned out differently for you.

Get ready for some slippery dry humpin' with your jeans on.

Coconut oil is sweet, but it can really spice up a relationship. You can use it as a sexy massage oil or a personal lubricant, but that's not all. If you hate your husband, simply lather yourself in coconut oil until you're too slippery to hug. You'll slide out of that PDA faster than a freshly caught salmon with a will to live.

Relationship problems solved.

4. Stop mosquito bites from itching.

That's the spot.

If you made the mistake of going outdoors, then you have no one to blame but yourself for those itchy mosquito bites. Luckily, coconut oil will save you yet again. Apply directly to bites and let the sweet relief wash over you.


5. Moisturize hair.

"I almost drowned myself in a river because of my split ends. Thanks coconut oil!"

If you're hair's dry and brittle, look no further than coconut oil. Apply it generously to damp strands, wrap in a shower cap, and let it soak in. Shampoo and rinse thoroughly for shiny moisturized hair. After styling, add a touch more to tame frizz and flyaways. Just not too much, or you'll end up looking greasier than Kid Rock.

There's not enough coconut oil in the world to fix Kid Rock.

6. Whiten teeth.

TFW your oral hygiene is on point and you just killed a drifter.

Coconut oil can whiten teeth and boost oral health too. The method is called oil pulling. Because the oil “pulls” toxins from your system? Get it? Yeah, me neither. Anyway, put 1-3 teaspoons in your mouth and swish for 5-20 minutes. Yes, that's an insanely long amount of time, but do you want those coffee stains gone or what?

20 minutes WTF?

When you're done with that epic swish, spit it in the trash can. Don't do it in the sink, or your drains will get clogged AF. Although it wouldn't surprise me if coconut oil morphed itself into a beefcake plumber and came to your house and fixed those drains itself, because coconut oil is just that freakin' amazing.

You are my everything.

Stanford takes down 'Female Bodies and Alcohol' webpage after causing outrage.

0
0

Stanford University has removed a page from their website called Female Bodies and Alcohol after the internet got, perhaps justifiably, very mad about it. The page, which has been archived here, explains in great detail how alcohol can impact women differently than men, i.e.: they get drunk faster, are more likely to have "alcohol emergencies," etc.

Students, alumni and others were infuriated by the page's sexist terminology, and especially for what they perceived as victim-blaming in the language about alcohol and sexual assault:

In a section about "sexual intent and aggression," the site reads:

Research tells us that women who are seen drinking alcohol are perceived to be more sexually available than they may actually be. Therefore, women can be targeted with unwanted attentions due to that misperception.

It goes on to say that men "feel sexually aroused and are more responsive to erotic stimuli, including rape scenarios," and that for some guys, "being drunk serves as a justification for behavior that is demeaning or insulting, including the use of others as sexual objects."

Though their intent may have been good, this could definitely be interpreted as a very roundabout way of telling women: If you drink alcohol, you're "asking for it." Also, the term, "rape scenarios?" Yikes.

Just two months ago, Stanford was at the center of a national rape scandal after student Brock Turner was sentenced to merely six months in jail for raping a woman at a campus party. Stanford also recently tightened their restrictions on on-campus drinking, a move which was also criticized for shifting blame away from sexual assaulters and on to alcohol, and those who drink it.

The school has since updated the Female Bodies and Alcohol page with an apology:

We would like to apologize for an outdated and insensitive article on women and alcohol that was here. The content of the article did not reflect the values of our office. We are sorry for the harm that the article may have caused people who read it.

Good.

Photographer mom dresses her napping baby daughter up as your favorite characters.

0
0

Laura Izumikawa Choi, a photographer and mother in Los Angeles, turns nap time into dress-up time bu putting her daughter Joey into adorably elaborate costumes. Laura and Joey answer the question, "What would pop culture icons look like as babies?"

Enjoy the cuteness, and marvel at how Choi gets the baby to sleep long enough to snap a photo.

1. Eleven, Stranger Things

Our friend has superpowers, and she squeezed your tiny bladder with her mind. #StrangerThings #eleven

A photo posted by Laura Izumikawa Choi (@lauraiz) on

2. Mermaid

You used to call me on my shellphone 🐚🎶 #cuddleandkind

A photo posted by Laura Izumikawa Choi (@lauraiz) on

3. Goku, Dragonball Z

Goku was a babe. I'm just saiyan. 🔥 #dragonballz

A photo posted by Laura Izumikawa Choi (@lauraiz) on

4. Wizard

We do Wizard Crush Wednesdays 🔮 #sarahssilks

A photo posted by Laura Izumikawa Choi (@lauraiz) on

5. Olympic Swimmer

What the best exercise for a swimmer? Pool-ups. 🏊🏼 #rio2016

A photo posted by Laura Izumikawa Choi (@lauraiz) on

6. Beyoncé

All the single babies! 💍 #Beyonce

A photo posted by Laura Izumikawa Choi (@lauraiz) on

7. Skrillex

If I were a DJ, my name would be DJ Enzyme because I'm always breaking it down. #Skrillex

A photo posted by Laura Izumikawa Choi (@lauraiz) on

8. Hawaiian Tourist

It's only Monday and I'm dreaming of #Hawaii 🌺

A photo posted by Laura Izumikawa Choi (@lauraiz) on

9. Run-D.M.C.

It's tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that's right on time. It's trickaaay! #RunDMC

A photo posted by Laura Izumikawa Choi (@lauraiz) on

10. Paul Bunyan

What did Paul Bunyan say when he pooped his pants? It was an ax-ident. #PaulBunyan

A photo posted by Laura Izumikawa Choi (@lauraiz) on

11. Jiro Ono, Jiro Dreams of Sushi

Joey dreams of sushi 🍣

A photo posted by Laura Izumikawa Choi (@lauraiz) on

12. Hipster Ariel

Cuz Hipster Ariel exists. 😅 #littlemermaid

A photo posted by Laura Izumikawa Choi (@lauraiz) on

13. Garth Algar, Wayne's World

Party on Wayne. Party on Garth. 🤘🏻#waynesworld

A photo posted by Laura Izumikawa Choi (@lauraiz) on

14. Cinderella, Cinderella

Why can't Cinderella play soccer? Cuz she keeps running away from the ball.

A photo posted by Laura Izumikawa Choi (@lauraiz) on

15. Misty, Pokémon

Not crazy about this one. I feel ya girl. #pokemon

A photo posted by Laura Izumikawa Choi (@lauraiz) on

16. Thor

If you work out like a viking, you'll be Thor in the morning.

A photo posted by Laura Izumikawa Choi (@lauraiz) on

17. Furiosa, Mad Max: Fury Road

Oh, what a day. What a lovely day! 🌪🚛 #Furiosa

A photo posted by Laura Izumikawa Choi (@lauraiz) on

18. In-N-Out Burger Employee

Where do hamburgers go to sleep? On a bed of lettuce. 🍔 #InnOut

A photo posted by Laura Izumikawa Choi (@lauraiz) on

19. Pikachu, Pokémon

Hey babygirl, let me take a pik at chu. #pokemon

A photo posted by Laura Izumikawa Choi (@lauraiz) on

20. Han Solo, Star Wars

Laugh it up, fuzzball. #starwars

A photo posted by Laura Izumikawa Choi (@lauraiz) on

21. Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, Ghostbusters

Who ya gonna call? 👻 #ghostbusters

A photo posted by Laura Izumikawa Choi (@lauraiz) on

22. The Statue of Liberty

What was the most popular dance in 1776? Independance. 💃🏻 #4thofJuly

A photo posted by Laura Izumikawa Choi (@lauraiz) on

23. Apple Genius

Employee of the month 🍎

A photo posted by Laura Izumikawa Choi (@lauraiz) on

24. Ninja

What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.

A photo posted by Laura Izumikawa Choi (@lauraiz) on

25. Sia

Sia in my dreams 👩🏼🎶 #Sia

A photo posted by Laura Izumikawa Choi (@lauraiz) on

Woman asks the internet if she's a horrible person for breaking up with a small penis.

0
0

The next time some dude asks if you care about his penis size, do not pass Go. Send him directly to this story. This poor girl came to Reddit for help when she felt the need to break up with the not-so-well-endowed guy she's dating. Though her reasons for wanting to dump him have less to do with his penis size than his unwillingness to learn how to please her in bed, she didn't want to feel shallow for dumping a guy with a small penis when everything but the sex is great. Her story is a true testament to how far some women are willing to go to make it work.

It started off so romantically. They met at a carnival and rode the ferris wheel etc. They even put off having sex because, according to the story, he "wanted it to be special." This is what she waited for:

We were fooling around, everything was going great, and I tried to feel for his dick through his pants. This is where it went downhill :( I couldn't really feel it, and gracefully I just slid my hand away and guided his hand to me to touch me over my underwear. Well, J had no idea what he was doing. He was viciously rubbing my labia and pinching my vagina lips aggressively. He had no idea where my clit was. I'm not even sure he knew about the term clit. He called it my "special button"......and after another weird comment he made saying "oh wow squishy" while he was touching me, I was completely turned off.

No no no no no no no no no no. Just reading this has guaranteed I won't be able to reach orgasm for a week. She goes on to say his sexual prowess is what you'd "expect from a teenage virgin." This dude is 29 and claims to have been with "20-30 women."

This is what happened when she finally found his penis:

It is extremely small.... I'd say, 2 or 2.5 inches erect. No more than that. I tried my best to conceal my shock. Not only is it small, but it is skinny. Not very much girth to work with. I tried my best to get him off, but I couldn't stomach it in that moment. It felt like I was touching a child. So I made up some excuse and stopped. I didn't wanna hurt his feelings.

Didn't want to hurt his feelings? He called her vag squishy and she still tried her best! And oh god, this part:

But I'm like, okay maybe he's going somewhere. So I begin try to initiate foreplay. He won't let me take his shirt off. But immediately he strips all my clothes off and begins aggressively rubbing my boobs in such a way that it felt like he was trying to turn a door knob over and over. After a few minutes of just awful foreplay, which consisted of him attempting to talk dirty (cringeworthy), and minimal contact with my vagina despite my attempts to guide him there, we have sex. It was awful.

How awful, you ask?

The entire time he is attempting to cover his dick with his shirt. He accidentally put it in my butt.

In her butt. Her butt!!

And yet she kept trying.

Since our first time, we have had sex a few times. Let's just say, it is really not getting better, no matter how hard I attempt to try and make it better and guide him. He just gets emotional if I try to correct him and one time even teared up when I told him he wasn't touching me correctly and then refused to let me show him how, breaking down saying "I've been trying for half an hour! (More like ten minutes...) Maybe your clit is different from other women and is more inside!" Ummm... What???

I know I need to breakup. It just can't work. But every time I think of it I feel like awful person.I think about how great he is otherwise... And just ugh...

So even though this guy refused to listen to her and learn how to be good in bed, this woman still posted this to Reddit to make sure she wasn't being a shallow bitch for wanting to dump him. It's pretty safe to say she's not. So, no, penis size doesn't matter. We're not laughing at your Tiny Tim, we're laughing at your complete lack of effort.

Carpenter demonstrates the proper technique for safely pranking your co-workers.

0
0

Carpenter Jason Wolfe posted this prank he pulled off in his workshop, which also doubles as a tutorial on proper workplace gag techniques. When pranking co-workers into thinking you've had an accident, it's important to take steps to be safe, and also to not be a jerk. That way, everyone can look back on your practical joke without needing quotation marks around the word "prank." In this properly executed gag, the duped coworker merely looks like someone earnestly trying to help before slowly realizing he's been goofed.

Article 46

Article 45

Olympian Shaun White accused by his former drummer of trying to mentally 'break her down.'

0
0

Olympian Shaun White is being sued by his band's former drummer, Lena Zawaideh, for sexual harassment. Before we get into this, can we just ask: who knew Shaun White was in a band?

Shaun White is allegedly nasty AF.

Zawaideh, who was a founding member of the band Bad Things, is suing White for sexual harassment during the seven years they played music together. She claims he sent her sexually explicit images and forced her to watch nasty videos of things like “sexualized fecal matter."

Just ew!

Zawaideh told Page Six White was weird from the beginning...

"He started off strange... His humor was always strange. His behavior was always strange. He drank a lot and would get weird and then have to apologize the next day."

And that White took pleasure in torturing her...

"Shaun took some kind of joy in seeing how much he could break me down and mess with me... I don’t know why, but every time he saw that I was uncomfortable with something, he would just keep going just to be like, ‘Can I break her?’ That’s not acceptable for an employee, which I was. Contractually.”

White responded to her claims in a statement to Page Six...

"Many years ago, I exchanged texts with a friend who is now using them to craft a bogus lawsuit... There is no coincidence to the timing of her claims, and we will defend this vigorously in court."

But she threw all the shade in her response...

"It’s sick... Last time I checked, killing a bear and fornicating on it as it’s dying was not funny."

Wait, a bear?!

White's lawyers have called Zawaideh's lawsuit "nefarious," which didn't sit well at all with Zawaideh's lawyer...

"There’s nothing nefarious about it... What’s nefarious and what we should be focusing on is Shaun White has been twice and will be likely again the representative of our country internationally. And we should all be concerned about that in terms of how he’s treating people, not just women, but people. The complaint doesn’t just talk about his issues only towards women. He’s just acting out and not being a very good contributor to society."

People have asked why Zawaideh didn't just leave the band—because it's always up to the woman to just leave, right?—but she says it's more complicated than that...

"I literally put my heart and soul into writing this album and to just walk away would be devastating... It’s like your child. You’re in the middle of crafting this thing and I’m not walking away from this right now."

Wow, this one is a doozy! But on the bright side, at least we now know that Lena Zawaideh has a band, unfortunately featuring Shaun White.


Article 43

Article 42

How to do liquid eyeliner without making a total mess.

0
0

Keep in mind that I'm a huge bitch when I say this, but: I straight up judge women who don't know how to use liquid eyeliner. It's not that hard, and it's by far the best eyeliner application system. I haven't used a felt tip liner since I was a virgin. Oh, you think all eyeliner is created equal? Well, let's review the different types of eyeliner, shall we?

Gel Pot Eyeliner

Pros: easiest to apply, usually very crisp lines. A nice entry level eyeliner.

Cons: It dries out easily and you have to carry around a separate brush to go with your gel pot. Usually doesn't last all day; can get flaky.

Pencil eyeliner:

Pros: good for smudgy subtle eyeliner

Cons: literally hurts your eyes because you have to press down so hard, impossible to get sharp lines, never long-lasting, you have to buy a f*cking pencil sharpener.

Felt tip eyeliner:

Pros: Works great that first week you use it!

Cons: Dries out to be unusable afterward, making it mostly a waste of money.

<3 Liquid eyeliner <3:

Pros: It makes you look like a beautiful Italian model from the 1960s. It has the sharpest lines, the brightest colors, and it's the longest lasting.

Cons: It's hard to use if you're a baby.

Here's how to use liquid eyeliner, because you are not a baby:

Step one: Apply eyelid primer

This is only really a necessity if you have hooded eyes, meaning your lash line rubs up against your crease. Primer will keep your makeup from smudging. My lids are not hooded, so I skip this step.

Step two: Outline your shape using your eyeliner.

Steady that hand.

I do a traditional cat-eye, which is smaller at inner eye and gets thicker as it moves toward the outside, culminating in a wing that flicks slightly upward. No need to pull on your eyelid to get this look; just let your lids fall a bit heavy, like you're looking down scornfully at something. My favorite eyeliner is the Sephora brand 24-hour waterproof eyeliner in black—it lasts forever—but pretty much any liquid eyeliner is good, because you are using liquid eyeliner and not a kohl pencil like you're a 17th century prostitute.

Step three: Color that in

That easy.

You know how it's apparently okay for adults to use coloring books now? Don't do that. Do this instead. Color your cateye outline in, real good and dark, and fix the edges of the swoop so it's nice and smooth, like one complete line.

Step four: Apply mascara as normal

Shake the brush slightly near the roots so some of the mascara goes near the base of your lashes, which will give the appearance of your lashes blending in with your eyeliner (since the whole point of eyeliner is to make your lashes look thicker!).

There. Now you have applied mascara like an adult woman. Go feel as smug as I do!

SO SMUG.
SO.

Museum lets anyone record their own 'news report.' The results are the funniest thing you'll see today.

0
0

Writer and host Sage Boggs introduced us to the best of the internet today: There's a museum in Washington, DC all about the news, aptly named Newseum. (Hooray for puns!) In one exhibit, visitors can stand in front of a camera and record their own news broadcasts.

Boggs discovered that those videos are then uploaded to YouTube for the world to see. He spent the better part of today sharing some of his favorites on Twitter. And, oh man, they are pure internet gold. Here are some highlights.

Bill's video isn't so much a news report as a cry for help. Is Bill ok? Someone should really check on him.

Dancin' Ashley's report admittedly wasn't very informative, but damn, the girl knows how to entertain.

If only all weathermen were like Boo Boo.

Is Jo working on his golf swing or reporting the news? Come on, Jo. What are we paying you for?

Can we get Jam Master J his own show on ESPN, please?

Nostrella is the hero we deserve.

Newseum caught wind of Boggs' Twitter storm, and invited him to come down and record his own report.

What a great day in America.

Does this mysterious Instagram mean Khal Drogo is coming back to 'Game of Thrones'?

0
0

Jason Momoa, the dreamy actor who played the dearly departed Khal Drogo in Game of Thrones, has been lately taking pictures with the HBO series' showrunners in Ireland. This is interesting, because much of the show is filmed on the Emereld Isle. So... is Daenerys' favorite husband (f*** Hizdahr zo Loraq​) coming back?

(Spoilers, obviously) Well, Drogo is dead. So dead, in fact, that Daenerys herself mercy-killed him out of mercy after a witch "preserved" his life from a fatal infection but left him brain-dead. There's not even the possibility of a Jon Snow-style resurrection, because Dany burned his body in the funeral pyre that brought her dragons to life.

However. Drogo could come back in a dream or a vision. He already did so in season 2 during Dany's trip through the House of the Undying. After all, Bran apparently still has his Greensight powers.

There's also another theory. After the witch Mirri Maz Duur destroyed Drogo's mind back in season 1, she told Dany that she would see Drogo again when the following happened:

When the sun rises in the west and sets in the east. When the seas go dry and mountains blow in the wind like leaves. When your womb quickens again, and you bear a living child. Then he will return, and not before.​

At first, it seems like all of these things are impossible, and the point the witch was making was that Dany would never see Drogo again—but they also seem like a prophecy, right? If so, there are some elaborate theories about what all this could possibly mean! But more simply: he might have a cameo.

Mom's unique way of pushing her baby's stroller has the internet calling for her head.

0
0

A mother from Kazakhstan thought thought her baby would find it "amusing" to be pushed in his stroller through the open window of a moving car.

The mother, known only as "Anastasia," pushed the baby around the parking lot like this while simultaneously driving the car. She clearly thought there was nothing wrong with this idea, because her friend put the video up on YouTube where real humans could see it.

Shockingly, commenters did not find this amusing. The original post was taken down, but according to mummypages, people found Anastasia's parenting to be dangerous and reported it to police.

Anastisia was apparently surprised by all of this, saying she would "never do anything to put the little boy in danger."

Unbelievable. What will strangers say moms can't do next? Drag your infant down a wedding aisle on the back of your dress?

'Teen Mom' Farrah Abraham reveals she bought her own engagement ring for a canceled wedding.

0
0

Farrah Abraham from MTV's Teen Mom—you know, the show that keeps it classy—really wanted to marry her current boo, Simon. So, while on vacation with Sophia (her daughter and the only reason she's on the show), she took a bold feminist step and purchased her own engagement ring...and expected him to pay her back. Then they broke up. And he hasn't paid her back.

Oy!

She told MTV...

"I bought my own engagement ring thinking that Simon would be paying me back since he said to buy it."

That's the way to look at it Farrah! It was just $36,000. Chump change! Who cares that you can buy 3 Chevrolet Sparks with that money? Or give your kid a year a college? BYE SIMON!


18 people revealed the most NSFW thing they ever saw at work. Nobody show this to HR.

0
0

NSFW means a lot of things, ranging from OSHA violations to sounds of sweaty people yelling out "Oh"s and "Yeah"s from the broom closet. Some bored genius asked the people of reddit—those who have had jobs, anyway—"What is the most NSFW thing that happened at your work?" The response covered everything from accidents to warfare to sex. A lot of sex. Enough sex to make you want to buy your HR person a beer and get them talking. Here are 15 of the best responses:

1. Sorry to hear that, Terriblybored, but maybe you can report it to...oh. Nevermind.

Hr lady grabbing my junk under the table at company picnic. Move her hand and look over and she is doing the same thing to my boss on the other side of her. She may have been slightly intoxicated.

2. J0hnnyGreenGiant worked in a seedy San Francisco motel...which means it only costs $120 - $180/night to do incredibly nasty stuff.

i used to work at moderately priced small motel in san francisco. we used to have craiglist escorts there all time during the " casual encounter " days...one morning an escort who was using the free computer in the lobby, said " this guy is willing to pay an extra $100 if i cover my entire body with jiffy peanut butter and have sex with him "....she ended up doing it....the next day the housekeepers burst into the lobby screaming in hispanic accents ..." JON, OH MY GOD...THERE'S PEANUT BUTTER EVERYWHERE!!! ITS ON THE BED, THE WALLS, THE MIRRORS, THE TV...I DONT UNDERSTAND!!! " ...shit was legendary

EDIT 1: ...let me try and answer some of the most common questions.

1) I have no idea if it was smooth or chunky...i'm gonna take a guess and hope for the girls sake that it was smooth. 2) I should have stated that the hotel was moderately priced FOR san francisco. It was about $120 a night for 1Bed, and $180 for a 2Bed. After working there two years...i found out that many many people could swing it ( hookers, escorts, pimps, drug dealers, drug addicts ) .

3. We'll remember your name for your act of heroism, u/etMeGDPostAlready. Also, to all the IT people out there: the random USB was plugged into a "sacrificial laptop" with no internet connection.

I overheard a new hire mention to someone that he had found a flash drive on the floor in the break room, "but it was just blank." I told him to let me see it. I have my PC set to "show hidden files." Noob didn't. It was full of hundreds of pictures of someone's wife, naked, sucking a dick, getting f***ed, using a vibe, posing, and on and on. The guy's face wasn't in any of the pictures.

The funny part is that all the pictures had been renamed. There were only a couple left with the default name. Hundreds of files had each been manually renamed. "Brushing her teeth with her titties out.jpg" "Sucking my hard cock in a blue night gown.jpg" "Spreading her pussy on the bed.jpg" "F***ing her ass with the handle of her hairbrush and licking her lips.jpg"

Then there was a folder with just his first name, Tony, and her name, which I can't remember. There were a few guys named Tony who worked there. I asked a couple of coworkers if any of them knew any of the Tony-wives' names. Got a match. Hit Tony up on IM, "Did you lose a flash drive?" He responded with "brt" and about 3 seconds later, he comes speed walking over from his department, bright red, flop sweat, looking like a complete nervous wreck. He took it, said thanks, and walked away.

The kicker, to me, is this guy always called me and everyone else "guy" because he didn't bother learning anyone's name. "What's up, guy?" You'd think after 5 years there and me saving your f***ing job you'd remember my name. Nope. Continued to call me "guy."

4. The secret to keeping your sex life and accounting practices exciting is creativity, according to HighOnGoofballs' former coworker.

The girl who had been writing sex toys and other stuff off as expenses and used them with her customer was a good one. She unsurprisingly went to work for that customer after she got fired.

5. VVillyD once worked on a construction site with someone who reinforced the stereotype of construction workers not understanding flirting.

On a multi-story construction site, typically there will be an elevator operator. On my first jobsite ever, the elevator operator was a very short, very friendly hispanic woman. She would make small talk with everyone and lightly flirt occasionally. A coworker thought the light flirting was a bit more and, when he was the only other one in the elevator, whipped is erect dick out. She promptly reported him and he was summarily fired.

6. esteban42 is really missing a golden opportunity if they're not writing a sitcom pilot right now.

The IT guy at my old job got caught banging one of the directors, in her office, while the call-center was open, by his wife who also worked there.

He then got divorced, married the director (who got fired over it), and his ex-wife turned lesbian and married one of the ops team ladies.

Certain meetings were pretty interesting after that.

7. We don't really have an explanation for this one. Just don't work at Dooshbaguette's pet store.

Just one? I worked at a pet shop with a very crass manager. He once started asking me how many men of how many different races I've had and if it's true what they say about race and dick size. I don't mind that conversation, but next to the super-modest, virgin, religious Muslim colleague, really?

The other time, he asked the delivery boy, "Bro, you hungry?" and the guy is like, "Uhhh.." so our boss goes, "Wanna eat my dick?" There were customers.

Same delivery guy once - again - wouldn't stop nagging, so our boss said, "Okay, now you're gonna get f***ed in the ass", unzips his jeans, starts unbuckling his belt, and chasing the kid all over the store, again indifferent to any customers.

8. Thanks for your service, jrpopbelly, you earned your spank bank images.

Deployed in Afghanistan. I was in the shower when all of a sudden we were being hit by incoming mortars. One of the mortars landed so close and loud that I didn't think twice about grabbing a towel. I ran straight to the nearest bunker and apparently I wasn't the only one that reacted the same way. So here I am with 10 other people completely nude. Everyone was hiding their goods and not even so much as a giggle was heard. Slowly but surely, hands were growing weary, fear of another mortar attack had subsided, and the laughing started. Eventually, nobody cared that they were being seen in the nude by the opposite sex. Boobs and cocks were all over the place and it was the first time in 8 months since I've seen so much as a side boob. The mental images from that incident had held me over for the duration of the deployment. We got the "all clear" to exit the bunker and everyone went about their business. Made a lot of close friends that day.

9. This tale from mrzablinx is NSFW on so many different levels.

Secretary got caught having sex with an intern in a room where we kept all the filing cabinets. They had started so fast that the secretary had left one of the shelves open and she held onto it to "stabilize" herself. The pair got so excited at one point that the intern quite literally pelvic thrusted her so hard that the secretary slammed the shelf closed with her body while her fingers were still in the shelf and broke most of her fingers.

The resulting scream is how we all found out.

10. This story from ohherroeeyore isn't too unique, but it's worth it for the follow-up.

Coworker found the (married with kids) boss banging one of the cashiers in the safe room. He was late 40's. She was 18.

u/cowboycosse with the alley-oop:

Safe sex is important.

11. redditor schnitt123's story is so weird, it will almost make you not crave Cinnabon (before remembering Cinnabon is the calorie devil).

I used to work in a Cinnabon at a mall. One evening a guy walked up to the front counter, whipped his dick out and started pissing all over a glass display case, smiling like an idiot the entire time, then tried to deny what he'd done and order a drink. Like most mall food places the front counter was the front of the store so this was happening out in the midst of all the mall's foot traffic, though I should probably let everyone know we weren't in the food court. The guy got arrested, in case you were curious.

12. It's hard to say who's the villain in ILoveToEatLobster's story Oh, wait, it's not: it's definitely the guy putting cameras in toilet stalls (but still, other dude: gross).

A while back I worked at a company of about ~300 people. One of the guys I worked with was convinced another dude in the department next to us jerked off in the bathroom. So he watches the dude all night until it's like 2:00 AM (night shift) and he finally goes to the bathroom. He followed jack-offer into the bathroom, stands up on the toilet with his phone and records him.

He was jacking off. The guy showed HR the next day and they were both fired. They were both pretty stupid.

13. Addiction is crippling, as picksandchooses can attest.

Worked for a trucking/delivery company one summer. A woman got fired for,… well,.. I guess you'd call it nymphomania. She would disappear for 20 minutes pretty often without a good explanation. She got caught having sex at least 4 times that I know of (once with a customer in the bathroom, 3 times with the drivers in their trucks.) She was warned in writing to stop having sex while at work. She just couldn't do it, the last time both she and the truck driver got fired on the spot.

14. Lots of these involve getting fired, but 00destin's entry involves someone quitting in style.

A guy quit and sent a company-wide farewell email detailing all the places he had sex in our office buildings. In pretty graphic detail. The IT department removed it from the servers but I assume someone saved it somewhere.

15. HelveticaBOLD feared this would get buried. Instead, it rather...caught on.

This will probably get buried, but what the hell:

20+ years ago, I worked at a bookstore.

The store was carpeted.

One day, the manager elected to 1) wear a skirt without undies and 2) sit on the floor while doing inventory. The manager, it turns out, had multiple genital piercings.

She got stuck to the carpet.

The manager flagged down another woman who worked at the store, enlisting her in freeing her lady business from the carpet.

So, yeah. That happened.

16. At first, we read "very small golf course" as mini-golf, but then we realized Scratch_That_Itch just worked at the movie Caddyshack.

I used to work at a very small golf course. This meant that safety regulations weren't very important to the owner. Therefore, the people who I worked with, as well as the clientele, were very eccentric. Here is a list:

  1. If there was thunder, we were supposed to suspend play on the course since there was the threat of lightning. We did this by sounding an air horn. The members could choose to listen or not. One guy didn't and got struck by lightning and died.

  2. A man once had a heart attack and died on the golf course.

  3. There are some banned chemicals in the turfgrass management world due to their carcinogenic properties. There is also somewhat of a black market to obtain those left over banned chemicals because they work so well at fertilizing the grass.

  4. There was one member who was particularly strange. He was a very strong guy who didn't talk much, but had a temper. We changed up something on the course that he wasn't happy with, so one day he took a shit on the tee box in the middle of the day.

  5. We were encouraged to, but not required to wear eye protection while weedeating. Not very safe.

  6. Some of my co-workers were too cool to have tan lines around their ankles so they wore sandals during work a lot of the time. Not very safe when working around lawn mowers and stuff.

  7. Much like Caddyshack and the gopher, we were plagued by beavers building dams in the winter and hurting the drainage of the course. We hired a guy to help us get rid of the dams and the beavers who was supposedly a professional exterminator. He used C4 (or something like it) to blow up the dams.

  8. In the fall a ton of geese would show up and cause us a ton of trouble. They're the most annoying pests we had to deal with. The course superintendent would bring his gun around with him and shoot them in the mornings before anyone showed up to start golfing.

It was like the wild west in a way on the course. Probably the most fun job I've ever had working.

17. Trudar's story illustrates the difference between an accident and something you deserve to get fired for.

We have showers at work, so people riding by bike can refresh themselves. Girl sharing an office with me rode that day too. When she left the shower, she came back with her bag to the room, but she apparently forgot something, like hair conditioner or something like that. She made quick run for it and moment later came back... with her bag. It took me a minute to understand what's happening, but before I spoke door opened, and another girl came in, completely naked, hands on her hips. 'Ah, there it is!'. Yep, my office-mate took the other girl's identical bag with her, and she ended up roaming fully nude around the floor looking on it.

Guess who got fired?

Two security guys after being caught (separately) 'red handed' jerking off to video of her walking around.

18. Where the eff do you work, LateralLimey? Obviously not the United States, judging by your heathen "ou" spellings.

Two girls in the office turned out to be working as escorts.

It was discovered when another worker called up his favourite agency to be told they had two new girls and he said send them round. Opened his door to his co-workers. He let slip and everyone found the website and the pictures of both girls in various poses.

Another time a couple of supervisors weren't answering their phones, so the on-call duty manager came to the office to find them shagging in the sick room.

Another worker killed his boyfriends gay lover and came back to the office the next day like nothing happened. Police took him away.

Another one was accused of possession of child pornography. Police turned up and removed his computer. Heard nothing further, the computer was never returned.

High up finance bod was screwing his boss, and her boss. She was not best impressed when she found out he shagging her boss and got jealous, and he had to resign. MFM affair triangle amongst three of senior finance bods who were all married.

Another worker left the company to become a full time escort. Think I might one of few to know of this.

One girl became notorious for getting drunk at parties and half stripping off and walking around half naked from the waist up. One time it was from the waist down. Man that some bush!

Even Trump's audience is confused as he reverses on immigration and calls Clinton a 'bigot.'

0
0

Donald Trump, under fire from the alt-right for flip-flopping and saying maybe he won't round up 11 million people and deport them, called Hillary Clinton a "bigot" within the same 24 hours. One has to give the man credit for giving fewer f***s than he does dollars to charity.

Trump, addressing an almost exclusively white crowd in Jackson, Mississippi...

"Hillary Clinton is a bigot who sees people of color only as votes, not as human beings worthy of a better future."

Even the fine folks of Jackson found this line eye-popping.

In an attempt to pivot from his own determined efforts to alienate everyminoritygroupever, Trump this week seemed to have had a change of heart about illegal immigrants. He seems to have changed it to exactly the position he destroyed Rubio and Bush for having. He told a crowd in a town hall with Fox News' Sean Hannity...

"No citizenship. Let me go a step further — they’ll pay back-taxes, they have to pay taxes, there’s no amnesty, as such, there’s no amnesty, but we work with them... people that have been working so hard to come into the country, are going through the process, we’re going to take them in and we’re going to cherish them, and they’re going to love us."

He still wants to build the wall, but now it's a wall of love.

We should have seen this change of heart coming. Trump loves Hispanics, remember?

Flirting

The internet has a problem with this dad who let his 8-year-old daughter eat a raw deer heart.

0
0

Warning: If you're triggered by Bambi flashbacks, this is like the grindhouse remake where Bambi's mom's heart is eaten by an 8-year-old-girl:

Gross.

The New Zealand father of an 8-year-old girl submitted these photos to the Facebook group NZ Woman Hunters of his daughter's first kill. It has since been shut down after a deluge of negative comments. While anti-hunting activists would have had a problem with her just posing with the dead animal, he also included a picture of her taking a bite of "its warm, quivering heart."

As you can imagine, the internet freaked out.

But some people actually tried to make sense of it.

Our verdict? Uhhhhhhh, basically...

Johnny Depp is sending Amber Heard's $7 million divorce settlement straight to charity.

0
0

Actress Amber Heard announced last week that she would be donating the entirety of her $seven million divorce settlement from actor Johnny Depp to deserving charities, and Depp is perfectly fine with that. He's so okay with that plan that he's planning on sending her first settlement checks directly to the ACLU and the Children's Hospital of Los Angeles, so there.

Depp's rep told TMZ, "Ms. Heard's generosity in giving to these wonderful causes is deeply respected."

But Heard's lawyers smell a rat, suspecting Depp might be donating the money directly because he'd then get half of it back as a tax break. In fact, one of her lawyers spoke to TMZas well, saying: "If Johnny wishes to change the settlement agreement, we must insist that he honor the full amount by donating $14 million to charity, which after accounting for his tax deduction, is equal to his $7 million payment obligation to Amber."

The actress, who filed a restraining order against Depp after accusing him of domestic violence, reportedly claimed she would be donating the settlement because "money played no role for me personally and never has, except to the extent that I could donate it to charity and, in doing so, hopefully help those less able to defend themselves."

Viewing all 38991 articles
Browse latest View live




Latest Images