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13 food photos on Pinterest that are better than sex.

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Not everyone who wants sex can have it, but pretty much all of us can find something to put in our mouths (to eat! you have a dirty mind) when hunger calls. And whether you want to eat something, cook something, or just drool over something, Pinterest is the place to go for some high quality food porn.

Here's 13 food photos on Pinterest that we will gladly put head-to-head with a romp in the sack:

Food > Sex

1. These brown sugar pancakes are worth getting out of bed for.

I'd never hit the snooze again.

2. This pizza, though.

Pizza is like sex. I need some.

3. This milkshake defies the laws of gravity.

Unfortunately, my muffin top does not.

4. OMG BREAD!

Damn, this pin makes me want to get my Oprah on.

5. Pizza on a French fry crust, say what?

This is the tastiest way to give up on life I can think of.

6. These chocolate chip cookies made me lick my computer screen.

Now I have to go talk to HR.

7. This fancy AF cheese platter, because I am not an animal.

The most sophisticated food porn you can get.

8. Just kidding, give me this nacho cheese fountain instead.

Turns out I am an animal.

9. There's no problem a few dozen doughnuts can't fix.

Except my weight problem.

10. I need these burgers for protein.

I wish I loved my arteries as much as I love cheeseburgers.

11. It'd be shelfish not to include these lobster tails. (Ha ha.)

Let's get some tail this weekend!

12. Dipping bacon in guacamole, why didn't I think of this?

I never thought I'd say this, but screw chips.

13. BRB, going to eat this whole ice cream cake.

Shut up, I need the calcium.
Feed me.

An abbreviated history of everything that has ever made Donald Trump "sad!"

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"Sad!"​ is Donald Trump's favorite word to describe things, people, and situations he doesn't like. He does this so often, in fact, that when I tried to load every"Sad!" tweet into this post, our CMS software just gave up and crashed. Sad. Instead, here's a breakdown of how much he's used "Sad!" every year for the past five years, along with some of his best "Sad!" tweets. Spoiler: even though 2016 isn't over, it's already his saddest year ever. That makes two of us, Donald.

2011: Not that sad yet (despite being publicly humiliated by Obama in April).

Total "sads" used: 8

Actual sadness: 1

"Sad" as an insult: 6

"Sad" to insult the media: 3

Typical tweet:

2012: The melancholy sets in.

Total "sads" used: 21

Actual sadness: 7

"Sad" as an insult: 14

"Sad" to insult the media: 6

Typical tweets:

2013: Darkness grows as imagined enemies hound his imagination.

Total "sads" used: 32

Actual sadness: 2

"Sad" as an insult: 27

"Sad" to insult the media: 8

Typical tweets:

2014: Actually not as sad, apparently because the other Atlantic City casinos finally got around to failing years after he started the trend.

Total "sads" used: 22

Actual sadness: 5

"Sad" as an insult: 17

"Sad" to insult the media: 1

Typical tweets:

2015: Trump decides to share his sadness with the nation.

Total "sads" used: 29

Actual sadness: 6

"Sad" as an insult: 23

"Sad" to insult the media: 10

Typical tweets:

2016: The saddest year on record already, Trump's mind is a Stygian morass of despair.

Total "sads" used: 36

Actual sadness: 4

"Sad" as an insult: 32

"Sad" to insult the media: 10

Typical tweets:

Couple looks back at vacation pictures, immediately realizes what happened to girlfriend's missing watch.

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A Redditor was looking at his Thailand vacation photos when he noticed something really interesting: one of the snapshots captured the moment that his girlfriend got her watch stolen. Take a look:

In a comment, the uploader wrote, "This pic solved the mystery of the missing watch." He later added, "She was a bit drunk tbh."

Those crafty kids! I'm honestly impressed. Some commenters pointed out that those kids are touching her hands as a form of distraction. "It's a pickpocket technique so that the mark gets accustomed to being touched by the thief and stops registering all of the touches," chintzy said.

This photo happens to have been taken in a tourist-heavy temple in Thailand, so, amazingly, other commenters shared their own photos with these kids, including this rather revealing one:

They're so cute that they'll at least steal a smile from you!

Former 'Top Model' Lisa D'Amato gives birth on Facebook Live, the ultimate reality show.

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Lisa D'Amato, an alumna of America's Next Top Model,gave birth last week in a 24-minute Facebook Live stream that should be studied in both media and health classes. It begins in the delivery room a few minutes before the birth of her son, Venice Sire, and D'Amato kicks it off with the perfect opening line, "Everyone out of my vagina, OK?"

Like any good reality star, the model then introduces viewers to the entire cast of characters, including "the cutest OB/GYN ever" and an impeccable "team of medical professionals." The push eventually becomes a group project as different people hold her legs:

The Birth of Venice Sire

Posted by Brendan Vaughn on Thursday, September 22, 2016

Baby Venice will be psyched that his coming out party get over 29,000 views, and that he has his concrete

OB/GYN IRL.

Things got a little bit graphic as the labor got laborious, but you never see any of the "juices" as D'Amato says, keeping this surreal experience Safe For Work.

It was impressively fast with very little screaming—had I not known she was giving birth I would have assumed she was just getting a bikini wax.

Yup, this is a real person emerging from another person.

The camera keeps rolling for post-birth banter, as the doctor and D'Amato talk "real vaginas."

Are live birth videos the new pimple popping videos?

5 alcoholic drinks mostly guaranteed to make you happy drunk.

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It's been two weeks since the breakup, two hours since Kevin changed his Netflix password, and two seconds since you last checked his Instagram. You were planning on a night of My So-Called Life and that one documentary about how our food is destroying the planet, but alas, now you have nothing.

Then you look at your phone: 85 unread messages from a group text with your girl friends about going out dancing. You’re game until you remember that time in 2011 when you drunkenly sobbed in the arms of an Australian backpacker.

The last person you want to be tonight is sad drunk girl. Never fear—tonight you can be happy drunk girl! These five alcoholic drinks will keep you upbeat so your tears will stay at bay until you’re hungover in bed the next morning.

Tequila Soda

“Hmm…I guess I’ll just get a vodka soda” seems to be the thought of every indecisive drinker who walks into a bar. Replace the vodka with tequila and you’ll get a pick-me-up so great you won’t believe it’s legal. Tequila is made from the blue agave plant and has some surprising health benefits, such as lowering blood sugar so you won’t crash (physically and emotionally) later in the night. Make sure to get 100% agave tequila because anything less is a disaster.

Guinness

This may come as a surprise, but Guinness is light in alcohol and calories. It's also guaranteed that someone will say “Guinness, impressive,” or, “ugh, I can’t drink that it’s too filling.” But you and the bartender know your secret: you’re just afraid of weight gain and drinks strong enough to open up the floodgates of your soul.

Irish Coffee

Who says 10p.m. is too late to have your morning coffee? If there’s anything the recently heartbroken know, it’s that daytime is for sleeping and nighttime is for Facebook stalking your ex's "work wives." Order this classic to give you that caffeine-induced reason to be alive. Just a coffee and shot of whiskey. Skip the Bailey's and whipped cream which would give you a sugar rush now but a violent crash of sadness later.

A Reposado Tequila Neat

No mixers, no ice, no lime, nothing. Reposado tequila is an aged tequila that is enjoyed best on its own. With its inherent sweetness, this tequila doesn’t need anything else—just like you don’t need anyone else. Although it felt safe and secure in the months in the wooden barrels, it is now ready to be free. Older, yes. But also stronger than it was before.

The “I’m Crying Because of Ghostpepper, Not Kevin” Cocktail

Breakups can be brutal. You might cry tonight and that’s ok. At the bar, on the street, on top of someone – these things happen, and no alcoholic drink can stop that. But this cocktail of ghostpepper vodka, habanero peppers, chili-infused simple syrup, and a fresh jalepeno garnish will set your body so on fire that when you’re drinking it you could convincingly say, "No! It’s the drink! That’s why I’m crying!” Enjoyed best with a side of bread, milk, and health insurance.


Trump is a mess: the meme magic that helped destroy Jeb Bush is turning on the Donald.

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Vic Berger is a video editor of great but bizarre talents who surged to the top of the political memesphere with his Republican primary debate remixes emphasizing Trump's brutal mastery of his opponents. Whether the Nimble Centipede crowd really believed Berger was on their side (his true leanings are inscrutable), his videos were shared widely, and "Jeb is a mess" became part of Trump fans' online lexicon. Now, a year after Berger's videos helped cement Trump as the chosen candidate of meme magic, Trump himself received the Jeb Bush treatment. The air horn is playing for a new master, and Trump is now the awkward, silent lip-smacker. Donald Trump is a mess:

Ask not for whom the air horn blows; the air horn blows for thee.

Sheriff weighs in on mom's viral Facebook post about being breastfeeding-shamed by a cop.

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Georgia mom Savannah Shukla was feeding her one-month-old baby inside a Piggly-Wiggly when a police officer approached her to erroneously claim it was illegal for her to do so. His grounds (wrong) were that he could see a little areola.

Of course she had to feed her baby, EVERYONE gets hungry at the grocery store.

Despite being completely incorrect, he threatened arrest and shamed her into finishing the feeding in her car. Her post about the incident quickly went viral.

Tonight while in Piggly Wiggly while nursing a Deputy approached me right when I was about to leave and informed that I needed to cover up because someone might find it "offensive."

Shukla makes it clear she understands her rights to breastfeed, but the deputy insists that she only "thinks" she knows the law. Gross, a mansplainer with a badge.

He also pointed out how he could "already see my areola" and that if someone saw my nipple he would have to arrest me. For him to see my areola he would've had to have been staring VERY hard.

Horrified, another woman there identified and photographed the cop. Shukla posted that picture along with a warning that she will be "reporting this to whoever his higher ups are."

That would be Muscogee Country Sheriff Darr, who posted his response to her on Facebook. Darr, along with the actual law, was definitely on her side.

Good Morning,

I have seen and am aware of a post circulating Facebook, regarding a situation between a Muscogee County deputy and a woman attempting to breastfeed her young child. My wife and I have four children, each of whom were breastfed, and two of my daughters now have small children of their own. Therefore, I fully understand and appreciate the right of a woman to feed her child wherever she is most comfortable. It is also the law in the state of Georgia. We are currently looking into this incident and it will be addressed. Our office does not condone these actions and will ensure all officers know and understand the law. On behalf of the Muscogee County Sheriff's Office, I would like to personally extend an apology to the woman involved, and we hope that she knows that these are not the opinions or practices of the office as a whole.

See? Not all cops are bad. Just the ones who are offended by the same areolas they strained their eyes to see.

5 things you should at least pretend to know today.

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No one has time to scour though all of the news anymore, so we decided to pick out the highlights for anyone with a short attention span. Here's a quick run-down of everything you need to know for Tuesday September 27th, 2016.

1. More than 80 million people watched the Clinton-Trump debate last night, making it the most-watched presidential debate ever.

The debate's winner was anyone who had other plans.

2. Tyson Foods is voluntarily recalling more than 130,000 pounds of cooked chicken nuggets.

Or as Chris Christie calls it, dinner.

3. A community college in New Mexico is offering a new program that allows students to major in brewing beer.​

It's the perfect major for anyone whose parents weren't disappointed enough.

4. A Florida woman faces armed robbery charges after police say she robbed an Arby's restaurant and then hailed a cab to get away.

She got away with $219 and food poisoning.

5. Wilford Brimley is still alive.

If you see this silver fox today, wish him a happy 82nd Birthday.

Mom apologizes to daughter with a "sorry we thought you did meth" cake.

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This is the realest apology cake of all time. The backstory: back in 2012, a high school student Rachel Glemis voluntarily took a drug test at her Alabama school. It came back positive for traces of heroin, meth, and cocaine. Glemis insisted she had not done any of these drugs. Her mom didn't believe her.

So naturally, when it turned out the test results were all a big mistake, Glemis' mom felt pretty bad. So, she redeemed herself in really the best possible way: a cake that reads "sorry we thought you did meth...& coke & pot & heroin."

Four years later, Glemis tweeted about it.

"When the test came back, they completely misread it, and read the indicator for a drug being negative as positive," Glemis told Mashable. "So they assumed I had tested positive for everything mentioned."

It all worked out in the end, though, because her tweet has been shared over ten thousand times. Who needs drugs when you have cake, social media validation and the glorious feeling of proving your mom wrong?

"Everyone seems to think the cake is hilarious," Glemis told Mashable. "Everyone in my family thought it was delicious." Also delicious? Finding out your daughter is not on pot, heroin, meth, and cocaine (only refined sugar).

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Martin Shkreli will let you punch him in the face for charity.

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Martin "this f*cking guy again" Shkreli made an offer on Twitter Monday that's tough to refuse: he will let you punch him in the face for a good cause. And no, that cause is not prosecuting horrible pharma bros.

Twitter users had questions. Shkreli had answers.

Of course, you'll need to be a big spender. His face is a highly punchable asset.

As a reminder, Shkreli raised the price of a medication that actually saves the lives of cancer and AIDS patients by over 5,000 percent. We're glad that he actually cares about people affected by illness when he knows them personally.


Kanye West just couldn't stop himself from dissing Taylor Swift at a concert in her hometown.

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Kanye West can't get over his feud with Taylor Swift. Performing in her hometown of Nashville, Tennessee last Saturday night, West made a point to lash out at her, singing "Famous" not once, twice, but three times.

At one point, Yeezus's fans reportedly even stopped worshipping at the alter of "Saint Pablo" for a moment, to chant "fuck Taylor Swift" at the stage.

The Ye vs. Tay drama famously started when he crashed the stage at the VMAs in 2009. It was revived earlier this year with the release of his hit song, "Famous."

In it, the line “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex / Why? I made that bitch famous" was the rap heard 'round the world, which Swift quickly called misogynistic. Then Kim Kardashian released the receipts, showing the world that Swift had apparently given West permission to reference her.

To this very day, she still insists she didn't sign off on his choice to say the word "bitch."

But on Saturday night, West didn't just stop at singing the song thrice: he delivered one of his famous sermons as well.

“I need to hear that loud in Nashville” he yelled on stage, "So many people told me, 'You've got to take that line out of the song. You got to play it safe, but this is what rap music is. This is what art is. Saying how you feel. And this song is how I feel."

Art is truth and truth is art. But is getting people to chant "F**k Taylor Swift" (on her own turf!) fun and arty or straight-up bullying?

One thing is certain, many will never forgive Kanye West for making them feel bad for Taylor f**king Swift.

Gwyneth Paltrow treats world to makeup-free selfie on her 44th birthday.

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In celebration of her 44th birthday, Gwyneth Paltrow has joined the small but mighty cavalry of female celebrities to go au natural (men have been doing this for centuries and also a legion of non-famous women—brave!) and she looks great.

#nomakeup for my 44th birthday, embracing my past and future. Thank you for the instalove #goopgoesmakeupfree @goop

A photo posted by Gwyneth Paltrow (@gwynethpaltrow) on

"#nomakeup for my 44th birthday, embracing my past and future," she wrote in the caption. "Thank you for the instalove."

Even without makeup, Gwyneth still looks gorgeous! It's good to be reminded that we don't need to paint our faces to be beautiful. All we need is to be genetically blessed. And have access to expensive spa regimes (vagina steaming). Oh, and $15k sex toys. And heaps of cash. Easy!

Happy birthday, Gwyneth, you low-maintenance beauty, you.

James Corden surprised fans with the Backstreet Boys and ‘Everybody' went nuts.

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The Backstreet Boys are a boy band so iconic, even NSYNC gets nostalgic for them. So fans were thrilled to hear that they'll have a Las Vegas residency from March to July of 2017. To promote the show, the top-selling boy band of all time performed their hit "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)" on The Late Late Show on Tuesday night.

Host James Corden tried to draw out their entrance by waxing poetic about boy bands, but finally he just couldn't hold in the surprise any longer.

The audience was immediately on their feet—you might even be tempted to stand up at your desk. It's the Backstreet Boys! (And also James Corden.)

Miley Cyrus explains how Disney 'took advantage' of her on 'Hannah Montana.'

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Promoting Woody Allen's Amazon series, Miley Cyrus (wow all those words look weird together) was featured on the cover of Ellemagazine. Remarkably candid and refreshingly articulate, Cyrus talks everything from her double life on Hannah Montanato her pansexuality.

Here are two of the juiciest parts of the profile.

On being a Disney Channel star

Even though my dad was in the industry, he so wasn't. But he was very smart—we have a huge farm in Nashville that he bought for nothing, and now it's, like, a music capital. But I did not grow up spoiled in any way. I just wanted to be on TV. I mean, at one point—they'll probably kill me for saying it—I was probably the least paid person on my [Hannah Montana] cast because I didn't know any better. I was just like, I can be on Disney! Yeah, I want to do it! My name was Miley on my show, but I didn't own my name—we didn't think about that. Like, Yeah, you can use my name on your show, sure! My mom started understanding how many people take advantage of a child, so she hired smart people to protect me in that way. I'm happy that when I was younger, people protected me and put me in a position where I can now control my music.

On being pansexual

That just means everyone. It doesn't stop at girl, boy, or if someone's in a transition. I don't see people ever for who they were before who they are right now. I think of who I was before who I am right now; that's a transition in itself. Everyone is constantly transitioning. When there's a thing you have to do, you have to do it.

The star has been through a lot, and was under the media's microscope the whole time. And while it's easy to consider her in the same category as the Lohans and Caulkins of the world in terms of "disgraced" former child stars, she actually came out of the experience pretty damn well, and even has the self-awareness to discuss it.

Read the whole interview over at Elle.

Dad writes viral tribute to wife after stranger shames her for being a stay-at-home mom.

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Brad Kearns, a husband and the father of two children, was at a wedding recently with his wife, Sarah, when they started up a normal, getting-to-know you sort of conversation with another couple. The topic turned, as it does, to careers, and after Brad explained his profession to the strangers, the other man turned to his Sarah, and said, "oh so you just stay home and look after the kids?"

Just a 'Stay At Home Parent': We went to a wedding the other week. We were on a table which was half half. Half us and...

Posted by DaDMuM on Sunday, September 25, 2016

Throwing the "just" in there makes that a pretty judgmental question, and afterwards, Brad was inspired to write a sweet Facebook post praising his wife and all the hard work she does.

His post reads in full:

Just a 'Stay At Home Parent':

We went to a wedding the other week. We were on a table which was half half. Half us and half them. It wasn't too bad and we all got along. They started that awkward conversation which we all have when we meet new adults.

"So what do you do with yourself?"

I don't know why this fucking conversation happens. It's almost like a passive game of 'who's the richest' or 'guess my lifestyle'.

So we got me out of the way and explained what I do without them batting an eyelid. And then he looks at Sarah. She is very intelligent and has been an Emergency Services Worker for over 7 years now. He says:

"oh so you just stay home and look after the kids?"

I don't know how this has become a generalisation but it fucking stinks. I am really fucking proud of her and everything she's achieved which was more accolades and awards for service than what this bloke ever will. Yet he somehow managed to judge before he asked. I love that she wants to take this time to raise our beautiful children. She will never get this time again.

If given the opportunity I would quit work tomorrow and raise my boys and be the best parent I could be. There's nothing fucking wrong with being a stay at home parent. Temporary or career parent who cares.

Don't judge, don't assume, don't anything. Just mind your own business and let people live their life how they want to.

I am also very proud of Sarah's response. She kept her cool (much to my fucking amazement as I was about to get the popcorn out). Love you babe xx

How wonderful to see a parent recognize his or her partner for all the work they do for the family. Whether the work happens inside or outside the home, both roles are equally as important.

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