Hi there. How was work today? That bad, huh? At least it's almost Friday! If you're under a lot of pressure at your job, you probably didn't have the time to peruse the internet today. That's what we're here for. We have nothing but time to peruse the internet, so we can catch you up. Here are seven things you missed today, October 27, 2016, while you were at your boring adult job.

1. Twitter announced that it was killing Vine. We took a retrospective look back at some Vines that were actually funny.

2. Donald and Melania Trump slammed the women accusing him of assault on Good Morning America. They were as graceful and mature as you'd expect. (Not very.)

3. Rumors surfaced that a new season of Will & Grace may be in the works. We're trying not to freak out.

4. The internet can't decide if this is a picture of Bill Murray or Tom Hanks.

5. Starbucks would prefer that you don't smoke weed out of your Frappuccino.

6. A woman tried on her Hermione Halloween costume only to realize she looks exactly like Emma Watson.

7. New York City is rallying in defense of a bodega cat who was dissed in a Yelp review. New Yorkers protect their own.

Yet another woman has come forward to accuse Donald Trump of sexual assault. (She's the twelfth, for those of you keeping score at home.)

Ninni Laaksonen, the former Miss Finland, alleged in a recent interview with a Finnish newspaper that Trump groped her before an appearance on David Letterman's Late Show in 2006.

"Before the show we were photographed outside the building," Laaksonen told the paper. "Trump stood right next to me and suddenly he squeezed my butt. He really grabbed my butt."

"I don’t think anybody saw it but I flinched and thought: ‘What is happening?’" she continued.

Laaksonen recalled that people had been telling her at other events that year that Trump was attracted to her because she reminded him of a younger Melania, who he had just married at the time.

So far, the Trump campaign has denied the allegations of the 11 women who came forward to accuse him of sexual assault before Laaksonen.

The people responsible for publishing topless photos of Kate Middleton back in 2012 will see their day in court, the Daily Mail reports.Six journalists, photographers, and other media execs will reportedly stand trial in 2017, on charges of breaching France's strict invasion of privacy laws.

The topless photos were taken of the now-Duchess of Cambridge while she was on the balcony of a private residence in the South of France during a vacation with her husband, Prince William. They were originally published on the front page of regional daily newspaper La Provence in southern France in September, 2012. Yuck.

At the time, Middleton and Prince William sought criminal charges to try to prevent wider distribution of the photos. But then a week later, the photos appeared in French tabloid Closer, giving them a much wider audience.

The images later popped up in other parts of Europe, including in Chi magazine, which is owned by former Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi’s Mondadori media group , and publications in Denmark, Ireland, Italy and Sweden.

At the time, a spokesman for the royal family released a statement comparing the incident to the excessive tabloid attention that had plagued Prince William's mother, Princess Diana. She died in Paris in 1997 after the car she was in crashed while trying to escape the paparazzi.

"The incident is reminiscent of the worst excesses of the press and paparazzi during the life of Diana, Princess of Wales, and all the more upsetting to the Duke and Duchess for being so," the statement said. "Their Royal Highnesses had every expectation of privacy in the remote house. It is unthinkable that anyone should take such photographs, let alone publish them."

I hope these scumbags get what they deserve, and it seems likely that they will. Because messing with the royal family is a bad idea.

America is the land of the free and the home of this brave individual who took a blowtorch to the Trump/Pence sign on his neighbor's lawn. Does it get more American than this? Yes. Because apparently his urge to destroy the sign was so overpowering, he didn't stop to put on pants first.

This guy basically sums up most of the country right now: full of rage, behaving badly, and in our underwear. It's lucky most of us don't have easy access to a blowtorch.

The attack reportedly took place early yesterday morning in a Wisconsin suburb. And the owner of the sign, Jane Leighty, told NBC that what upset her the most was the response of people passing by. Nobody tried to stop the guy or alert the police. Two people did stop, but it was to fist-bump him.

I don't condone desecrating other people's property. And yet, watching this video, I've never felt more proud to be American.

New allegations of sexual assault have surfaced against Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. A woman named Moira Smith alleges that the Supreme Court Justice groped her without consent at a dinner in 1999, according to a report in the National Law Journal.

Smith, who is now vice president at Enstar Natural Gas Co., was a 23-year-old Truman Foundation scholar at the time. She claims that Thomas, who was a Supreme Court Justice at the time, grabbed and squeezed her butt several times while they were at a Truman Foundation dinner in Falls Church, Va.

“He groped me while I was setting the table, suggesting I should sit ‘right next to him,’" Smith wrote, according to the NLJ report. Several of Smith’s former roommates and fellow Truman scholars also told the NLJ they remembered her talking about the incident at the time.

Thomas has denied the allegations in a statement, saying: “this claim is preposterous and it never happened."

These aren't the first allegations of this kind against the Supreme Court Justice. In 1991, law professor Anita Hill testified that Thomas had sexually harassed her in the '80s when he was her supervisor at the US Department of Education and the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.

Earlier this month, in the wake of Trump's now-infamous comments about grabbing women "by the pussy" and kissing them without consent, Hill wrote aBoston Globe op-ed about her experiences.

“What I learned in 1991 is no less true today and no less important for people to understand: responses to sexual harassment and other forms of sexual violence must start with a belief that women matter as much as the powerful men they encounter at work or at school, whether those men are bosses or professors, colleagues or fellow students,” she wrote.

If there's one good thing to come out of the hideous train wreck that is Trump's campaign, it's that women are starting to speak out about past assaulted and harassment. But that is literally the one good thing.

The actual content of sexual education and health classes has varied a lot over the years and across the nation, but for the most part, adults can agree it seems lacking. Many schools offer little more than "birds and the bees" type stuff, and the basic physiology of what part goes where, and how you shouldn't do that anyway because you'll get pregnant, gonorrhea, or both.

Where's all the nitty-gritty? The day-to-day, in-the-moment, what-sex-is-actually-like kind of stuff? The following Redditors threw out their suggestions on what they wish sex ed classes, in a perfect world, would teach.

1. But teachers have to follow the curriculum saying sex is a horrific death spiral, longducdong.

Ours wouldn't give me a straight answer on whether you could get an STD if neither of you had an STD but you had sex. I know it's a very silly question but I was just a kid and I didn't know. Saying, "any unprotected sex is unsafe," is not the correct answer. It was bullshit how weird they were about giving the correct answers.

2. Well, the intent is pleasure, cyanocittaetprocyon. Individual experiences may vary.

That most sex is for pleasure, and that only a very small percentage is for procreation.

3. Shameaccount26 is getting douche chills.

The cleanliness thing would have saved me some grief. I always thought women were supposed to douche. Sat around thinking how I should buy one because I thought I needed to. I read some things online and found that it was unnecessary and could leave one worse off.

4. User rahyveshachr thinks human biology should be taught like it's some kind of science or something.

Exactly how conception and early pregnancy works. This was the only area I was grossly misinformed about. I learned way too much about it thanks to an interest in IVF.

• The egg is fertilized in the fallopian tube, not the uterus.
• Sperm can live inside you for up to 6 days so you can conceive a few days after having sex.
• It takes about five days for a fertilized egg to go from that tiny 1-cell to when it has so many cells inside that it literally bursts the wall of the egg open (called hatching).
• 5 days is also how long it takes for an egg to travel through the fallopian tube and arrive at the uterus. Once it "hatches" then it begins to implant into the uterine lining.
• Your baby's gestational age starts with cycle day 1, also known as when your last period started. So technically, you're 2 weeks further gestationally than the amount of time that tiny embryo has been actually created and abiding inside you.
• A pregnancy test will only have a slight chance of being positive afterthe embryo has been implanted for a couple days. Waiting until the day of your period will give that hormone enough time to accumulate enough to get a positive.
• The day of your missed period you are four weeks pregnant, not two weeks pregnant.

I had so much stupid when I first got married and started having sex, convinced I was pregnant after 2 days and wanting a pregnancy test. Plus now I know why the urgent care doc rolled his eyes when I told him I was "probably 3 or 4 weeks pregnant."

5. Tampoonie doesn't want you to say Y-E-S to a U-T-I.

That you should always pee after sex, to help avoid getting a UTI. I still can't believe that it was never mentioned.

6. Ktm6891 has their finger on the button.

Wish they would have pointed out where the clit is

7. See previous suggestion, VeganBuzzard421

That 2/3 of women do not orgasm from penetration alone.

8. Yes, gay_for_sunchips, actual helpful information could be a good thing to teach in school.

(okay please don't make fun of me for listing these) The colors and meanings of vaginal discharge, how to clean a vagina, stuff and facts about menstruation, men can have vaginas too (pre op transgender men), actual safety sex, having sex and the vagina bleeding is not supposed to be normal,consent. that sort of thing.

9. User Formaldehyd3 never leaves a dry remark.

The importance of lube.

10. EmmyFluff conceived a really great idea here.

That the egg is only good for about 24-48 hours after ovulation, and that ovulation generally occurs about a week after the period ends. Though sperm can live up to a week, so the week before ovulation and right after is the window for getting pregnant. We were generally just taught that any unprotected sex can get you pregnant at any time. So I ended up assuming the safest time for sex would be right after the period ends, because you just got rid of the last egg, and the most likely time to get pregnant would be right before your period starts, because the egg is much closer. Now I know it's the other way around. While this fortunately never caused any problems for me, because unprotected sex would be dumb anyway, if I still believed this in the furture when I want kids, I imagine it would've made conception harder. The only one I have to thank for teaching me exactly how the female monthly cycle works is my period tracker phone app. When I'm ready to be a mom, I'll thank my smartphone.

11. Just think of England, JiggyBorn.

How to last longer than 2 minutes in action.

12. The Reddit thread had a whole rash of comments like this one from GenericPenName.

Latex allergies are common, and what the symptoms are.

13. RAGE-RAGE-RAGE points out that there are wide swaths of the population completely left out of the conversation, such as homosexuals. And women.

That gay sex exists. That women can receive oral. That it is okay to say no at any point when anything you don't like is happening. That it's okay as a girl to want sex.

14. This one from jennijenn21 is in, like, advanced sex ed (which doesn't exist).

That you poop yourself in a room full of strangers when you have a baby. SO wouldn't have gotten preggo at 18 if I knew that shit o.O

15. But if they told you "why," PM_ME_UR_SEX_TIPS, you'd want to do it, and scaring you away from it is the whole point of sex ed.

We were taught about anatomy and to use protection and all that stuff in sex ed at an early age, but the one question that totally puzzled us was why someone would want to do such a thing. In the end we asked a friends parents and they explained (during lunch) that the main reason is for pleasure. So maybe they could have mentioned that in sex ed in school.

16. The answer to Swagmasta419 was circumcised from the textbooks.

How to retract foreskin they didn't even cover it

17. GhostOfBarron is on the ball with this one.

How to spot the difference between injury and cancer when it comes to men and testicles. I had testicular cancer for probably 4-5 months before I went to the doctor because I just though I injured myself somehow.

18. Azogthedefilero is a realist.

That porn is utter garbage

19. ElMachoGrande has the crazy notion of teaching sexuality for what it is: vast and complicated.

Basically, just talk about it like it's any other subject. Don't have some embarrassed teacher talk through the mechanics of it, have someone who can speak openly about the joy of sex in all its variations, and answer any questions without shame.

We are all humans with bodies that are gross and faulty, which means at some time or another we all end up at the doctor. But not everything requires a trip to the ER or making an appointment with a specialist. Often, the only thing wrong with us is a complete lack of basic knowledge, common sense, or self-awareness. Some doctors recently revealed to the people of Reddit the most mind-bogglingly stupid things for which their patients sought care.

1. Butt-Butt-but-but-b doesn't say if they gave the exam or not.

I was a medical student at the time, so I don't know if he was screwing with me or not but I had to maintain a non-judgemental attitude because my preceptor was RIGHT there. A guy (obviously male) in his late 50's came in and complained that he had never had a pap smear and that he was afraid of getting cervical cancer.

2. That is an emergency, LatuSensu. Of the highest order.

Emergency surgeon here

Got called 2 a.m. because a patient demanded to see me because "her daughters farts smelled too bad"

Kept a straight face.

3. You'll read this story from happy_go_lucky in the blink of an eye.

She stated that she noticed involuntary spasms in her eyes. Then she wanted to show me and I just stand there in an overflowing ER on a friday night and watch her blink her eyes.

I kid you not. For the first time in her live, she had become aware of her blinking and ...... well... I have no idea what she thought this might be, but she came to the ER for fucking blinking her eyes.

4. This one from saxarienask blue right by us.

My friend is a doc ar the ER. She told me about a guy who came in and was blue all over his body. He was freaking out and trashing the place in pure panic. Turned out he had bought new, blue bed sheets and they colored him blue...

5. A seminal example from Shanew1751.

Vaginal discharge... Did the pelvic exam, white/clearish discharge, I looked at the sample under the microscope & see sperm swimming around. Asked her when last she had sex, she says last night.. Which is when the symptoms started. Sigh.

6. What time did this story from ohmakersbreath occur? At tooth hurty.

Had a young man come into my ER one day complaining of dental pain. His wisdom teeth were coming in and turns out he had tried to cut them out with a steak knife. He was confused as to why this hadn't made his pain better.

When I asked why he hadn't gone to his dentist to have them removed, he said something along the lines of, "I'm really scared of needles."

Because a fucking steak knife is less imposing than a needle.

7. At least it broke up the monotony for the_coziest_sheep to see a patient who was all better.

One evening in emerg I had a woman come in because she had a low blood sugar....yesterday. And she was totally fine now.

She was having unexplained episodes of low blood sugars and was being very appropriately worked up by her family doctor as an outpatient. But she had come to the hospital for her husband's appointment and decided she would "just drop in" to emerg to see if we could do anything else for her episode that had COMPLETELY RESOLVED. Frustratingly it was a very slow evening and she was seen within an hour.

8. Ask BurningBrightly about the perfect accessory for the perfect shoes: drugs!

The one that made me headdesk the hardest was a woman who complained about pain in her feet and wanted shots of painkillers and cortisone. She was knowingly wearing shoes two sizes too small because they looked prettier. Helping people damage themselves further is not part of the job description. She refused to get fitting shoes, I refused treatment. Not a happy customer.

9. Hat's off to you, ZeGuitarist.

I once had a 17-year old girl come in at my general practice, who was very concerned about how she had "such sore and painful ears, every time she went out biking in the cold!"

When I suggested a hat, she reacted as if she'd suddenly seen the light. Went absolutely ballistic with joy, and then left thanking me for being some sort of genius mastermind doctor for "curing her".

Still not sure if I find this more funny or sad, really.

10. WowHelloHi demonstrates the volatile consequences of mixing cousins, soda, and general dumassery.

There was this young kid who was crying and told me his cousin might just be pregnant. The kid admitted that they had too much soda to drink and one thing lead to another, and they eventually made eye contact for a full ten seconds. The kid thought that this impregnated his cousin. I assured him that ten seconds is not long enough to impregnate someone. As he left the hospital, I realized that the whole thing was so stupid as I remembered that his cousin was also a boy.

11. Doctor pnutbutterjellyfine gets a participation trophy for contributing this.

A woman checked her 9 year-old son in to the ER because he was upset he didn't win an award during an academic award ceremony at school. She wanted someone to "talk to him or something, I can't deal with him". She basically wanted us to parent her child for her because she didn't want to be bothered.

12. Looks like alksreddit gave this patient a thorough… lashing.

We had an ambulance calling over the radio for a "foreign body in left eye". We started mobilizing, called the ophthalmologist on call, were ready for sharpnel, a big-ass tree branch, something big.

We get a woman with an eyelash in her inner eyelid. She got an AMBULANCE and PRIVATE ER for an EYELASH. Our only consolation was thinking the big-ass bill she probably got.

13. XLpho determined the poor sleep quality was from staring at his phone in bed.

There was a guy who came to the ER because his iPhone app told him his sleep was poor quality.

14. They probably have the drug Sxhpott1 asked about, but you can't get it at a hospital. You have to know a guy.

It was 3am and I'd been on duty in the Emergency since 8am. I was exhausted. A well dressed man came in with his 8 year old, healthy looking, son. I asked him what was the problem. He said, "Well, I was at a wedding and it occurred to me that my son is a little short. Can you give him something right now to make him taller?"

15. Hey, PandoZayas, does this apply to just diabetes meds, though? What about aspirin or statins? Asking for a friend.

Family med clinic in the boonies. Patient comes to clinic with vomiting and diarrhea acute onset.(which isn't a stupid reason to go to the doctor)

Asked what she ate recently and denied eating anything. Pressed it a bit further and found she washed her diabetes meds down with a can of uncooked clam chowder. Why that was the logical option for her is beyond me.

Gave her a pat on the back and told her to drink water because she probably has food poisoning.

16. The wife of SoundBearier met a patient who wasn't necessarily dumb, but her parents might be for not telling her how her body works.

Not a doctor, but my wife is an OBGYN. She was called for a consult by the ER because a teenage girl was bleeding. Yeah, it's exactly what you think it was. The OBGYN staff later sent the ER a copy of a Your Changing Body type book and advised that it be circulated for review.

17. "ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?" - Abstrusity

Not a doctor, but I WAS a corpsman in the Navy. I had a Marine come in because he swallowed a rock. "Why," I asked, puzzled, "would you swallow a rock?"

"I was hungry."

Since spooky things go down at night and work in general is a living nightmare, working the graveyard shift results in some seriously spooktacular happenings. Night workers recently haunted Reddit to share some of the weirdest things that ever happened to them while on the clock, so turn the lights off and settle in for some scary stories.

1. While working at a dollar store hairydoglady heard a creepy voice…a creepy voice in search of value.

I worked at a dollar store out of the rural area of town (literally the only store within ten miles, and only cows and a few houses around). I went to the back to put a cart full of cardboard by the dumpsters for pick up, and to take a smoke break. There's bright lights in the parking lot, but behind the store, their blocked off. I kept hearing crunching foot steps in the field, but assumed they were cows. When I opened the door to go inside I heard a very quiet faraway voice ask, "where are you going?" I thought it was my manager and brushed it off. But when I noticed she wasn't in the back room, or by the back room door, I kinda became scared. I grew cold at the fact she was counting cash drawers in the office on the other side of the store, where she was before I left...

2. TonyDanzer just had to go and anger the angry spirits.

I was training a new worker, and we got to joking about how you could make a decent horror movie set in our store during the overnight shift. We were getting really into it, coming up with all of these different concepts

And then the power went out.

3. So amblandsdriver met a zombie-maker.

I'm an EMT, this happened maybe 5 years ago when I was 19 and had just started working the streets. Partner and I are posted up around 0200 when this homeless looking guy walks up to my side of the truck. I turned the cab lights on to get a good look at him and rolled down the window a bit to see what he wants. Looks like your typical homeless man but has only one eye, it was grey and cloudy like a blind man's but it was fixed on me like he could see. He says to me "you ever see a dead man get up out the grave?". I tell him no and he says "'cause I see 'em every night" then walks away while doing this really creepy maniacal sort of cackle. Somehow my partner slept through all of this so I wake him up freaked the fuck out and we go and post somewhere else. My partner seemed a little creeped out as well but said the full moon usually brings out the weirdos and that we were maybe 10 blocks from a cemetery believed to be haunted. Maybe not the creepiest, but it still kept me up the rest of my shift and for the next couple after it.

It was near Forest Home Cemetery in Milwaukee if anyone was wondering. Really creepy place but worth checking out if you're into that kind of thing.

4. Yeah, baconswife, but what job doesn't involve the occasional wall of blood?

Late to the party so this probably won't be seen but I was working at a hotel doing my 2 a.m. rounds and went to the back stairwell which is indoors and started going up it. Part way up was a huge chunk of long blonde hair but not messy at all like it had been ripped out, more like it was neatly cut and gently placed, got to the top of the stairs and next to the door was a bloody handprint. Just past the door in the hallway was a bloody smear down the wall. Got the hell out of there and called my manager who lived on site and we went to check it out and the hair was gone and so was most of the blood. Talked to a couple of our guests who had stayed their for months for work and they hadn't heard anything. We never did find out what happened.

5. Be like mr-pauciloquent and don't believe anything unless you see it on the TV.

I was graveyard security at an office building. I had just finished patrolling the upper levels of the parking garage and made it to the ground level when I suddenly felt very cold. It was a relatively warm night and there was no breeze, but I didn't think much of it until I saw what appeared to be a shadowy figure across the way near the bike cage.

I immediately ended my patrol and went inside the building called up my co-worker who provided security at the sister building across the street and we both reviewed the tape on CCTV. For the next five hours, we watched as a clear-as-day shadowy figure walked about fifteen feet away from me, paused briefly as I came into frame and noticed it, and then it simply walked away.

No more patrols were conducted that night.

6. PrincessShelbyy got a call… a call from beyond the graaaaaaave!

I am a nurse in a nursing home and I was working 10p-6a and this one particularly feisty old lady would always tell me that she hated me and was going to haunt me. Well for an entire week after she died her call light kept going off when the room was unoccupied. Freaked me the fuck out. It had never done it before and had no signs of being tampered with.

7. A totally formidulosus story from gryffindorscasper.

I work third shift in the ER (7p-7a). It was shift 3/3 and I was in the psych unit of the ER tonight watching cameras to make sure the patients didn't hurt themselves. In one room myself and my two co workers kept seeing these light orbs flying around the room. We laughed it off and went about the evening. A few hours later the patient in that room sat straight up. We saw her mouth moving so we turned on the audio. She was a Caucasian female with a thick country accent who had begun to speak the clearest Latin I'd ever heard. We all felt like she was speaking in tongues, but we tried to chalk it up to us being tired and over reacting. The patient then started to speak in different voices. One of which was a deep almost demonic like growl. She started twisted her body in weird ways for a good 5 minutes all while switching between languages and voices. After that she fell back into bed and went to sleep. We swear we saw a light orb fly out of the room and the rest of the night continued as normally as any night in the ER could.

8. If you were already afraid of jail, Deckedline8095 would like to point out that jail is also a place where there are spooky ghosts.

I work for my local Sheriffs Office on the night shift(10pm-6am) at the county jail. I've only been there for a little over a year but I've definitely seen some weird stuff that I can't quite explain. I'll try to give you a few stories.

My partner was coming around with me while we did a visual check of the unit. We started off on the lower tier and working our way around when about a quarter of the way through I catch something out of the corner of my eye on the upper tier of the unit, when I stopped to turn and look I see a black figure that's vaguely in the shape of a person just standing there and it looks like it's staring right at me. I grabbed my partner and just pointed he definitely saw it too because he turned the palest color I've ever seen and we just stood there frozen for what felt like an eternity before whatever that thing was seemed to melt back into the shadows. Needless to say we had our flashlights on for the rest of that night.

9. Not all ghosts are fun like Beetlejuice or Hamlet's dad. User shodu says they'll kill you.

Working in a hospital, quite a few weird things happen.

We had a patient on the ward which was in the dieing process. She used the emergency bell (not sure what the correct english term is, but that thing patients use when they need something). So I go to her room and the patient asks me "Why is that dark guy standing over there?" - but there was no one to be seen. So I tried to tell her and she was ok with it.

An hour later she rang again, I'm going to her room and she again asks "why is that guy standing over there", pointing into the nothingness. That happened a few times but there never was anyone and noone could have entered the ward without me knowing (nor any other patient going to the room without noticing). At the end of the night I found her dead.

10. SilentRansom says children's voices are even creepier at night than they are during the day.

I work for a hotel. I'm actually here right now.

So the creepiest thing that has happened to me was only a few weeks ago.

I'm sitting at the front desk, I'm all alone here. No other employees, it's very late and no guests are up and about.

I kept hearing childrens voices. I couldn't make out what they were saying or anything, but it sounded like they were coming from down the hall. Every time I would go down there to check it out, they would stop. I checkedeverywhere from the pool to the gym, to putting my ear on doors. Nothing. But as soon as I'd walk away, they'd start again. Eventually I got freaked out enough to just say screw it and I went back to my desk.

After that, the voices stopped, but the shadows began.

11. Not_Joshy just blows up the drama like it were a balloon.

I swear this is true, just happened a few months ago. I was sitting out in my truck in the parking lot eating lunch around 1 am. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted some kind of creature walking along the highway service road alongside our building. Not uncommon to see coyotes, raccoons, cats, or other critters since we were near a big wooded area.

But this thing was 2-3 feet tall walking upright. Well not really walking, so much as sort of levitating along slowly. It was pretty dark out, but I could just faintly see this thing making its way on down the road. Really kind of freaking me out because I wasn't quite sure what I was seeing. Fumbled my camera out but couldn't get a good picture of it since my flash was useless. Pulled out my pocket flashlight but still couldn't quite make out WTF it was. Seriously, my heart was racing because I was certain this was a legit cryptozooilogical encounter!

Then I had the bright idea (heh) to turn on my headlights since I was sitting in my truck facing this thing. Lit that bastard up and had a brief moment of confusion followed by relief it wasn't Chupacabra followed by laughter.

Turns out it was one those floaty Chucky Cheese helium balloons with arms and legs that hovered slightly along the ground. Damn thing had somehow lost its head, but must've gotten loose from some kid at the Chucky Cheese about a half mile down the road.

12. Holla_Poop_Dolla gives us the scariest elevator story since David S. Pumpkins.

I was riding the elevator to a different floor but instead of going to that floor it went straight into the basement. The doors open and they are open for maybe ten seconds or so and I can't see anything in this room. All of the sudden a dark figure starts walking towards the elevator and I freaked the fuck out. I hit the doors to close and the figure just kept getting closer. I ended up standing outside of the building for a half hour or so while the police searched the basement. What really freaked me out is that the one entrance into the basement was locked and barred and they didn't find anyone down there after searching everywhere.

13. This story from VenBede shows us that the true horror is unemployment.

I used to work third shift at a factory. The place was non-smoking but me and the other supervisors let folks smoke on the loading dock on third shift as long as they picked up after themselves.

Had some unexpected downtime so everyone headed out to the dock. Talking, laughing, waiting. All of the sudden this dude appears from the darkness wearing a full fucking suit.

Now, to put this into perspective...there isn't anything around us. It's an industrial park. And there are only a few places that even have a third shift nearby. And none of them are adjacent to our facility. And he didn't approach from the direction of the parking lot. It was like he came out of the woodsy patch that separated us from the electronics factory.

He says "Excuse me, I just want to know if you guys are hiring."

"Uhh, yeah, what kind of job are you looking for?"

He just shrugs. "Doesn't matter." I tell him to contact HR. Phone number is on the front sign. He thanks me and then walks back into the darkness and we can hear him as he's crunching through dried leaves as he disappears into the patch of woods.

It was 3 a.m.

14. This story from Hacdeldama includes the two spookiest things in the world: a mortuary and a mannequin.

One of my duties at the mortuary I worked for was nighttime body removals. One night, my partner and I showed up around 2am to grab the paperwork for our removal. When we got inside, we both got the feeling like there was someone there, so we walked through the building, checking to make sure everything was secure, and closing all of the doors. This included the casket room. Everyone hated the casket room. It was freezing cold year round, the lights were always uncomfortably dim no matter what maintenance did to try to fix them, and there was this manniquin in the corner in full military dress that just felt wrong. The only people who weren't bothered by the room was the cemetery sales staff, and that's only because they had no souls.

So my partner and I don't find anyone, so we lock everything up and head out. We get back an hour later, get our new guest logged in, and decide to get a cup of coffee before leaving. He and I walk toward the kitchen, only to find the casket room door open about three feet. It's almost pitch black in there, and I can barely make out the red in the manniquin's uniform. It shouldn't be that close to the door. My partner and I froze for a second, then I grabbed his wrist and we backed up into the kitchen and straight out the back door. It honestly felt like if we had gotten too close to the casket room door something bad would have happened.

15. How much terror is there in this story from flosiraptor? Nun.

When I was 18, I briefly worked nights as a care assistant in a nursing home. The building was a very old ex-convent and was pretty spooky at the best of times. There were three floors but I was only ever working on the ground and first floors. One day about two weeks in I was sent up to the top floor to get something. It was my first time up there and, for the first time, it occurred to me how odd it was that I'd never worked up there before, or seen any patients who lived up there.

So I'm walking along the main corridor, which is pretty narrow and twisty. Being a night shift, we keep the lights on emergency settings (very dim and on motion sensors) so that the residents can sleep. Suddenly, at the other end of the corridor I see this dark shape. It looked like the grim reaper, with the dark cowl and long robes, and was even holding what appeared to be some kind of scythe. And it was moving slowly toward me. I knew it wasn't a resident as most of our residents were not ambulatory, and I was pretty sure none of them dressed in dark robes! So I did the logical thing; I turned without even thinking about it and sprinted back down to the first floor where I managed to convey through panicky gestures that there was some kind of terrifying monster on the top floor. After about five minutes my co-workers stopped cracking up and explained my mistake to me.

You know how I mentioned that the home used to be a convent? Well apparently part of the deal was that the remaining nuns, who were all pretty old by now, got to continue living on the top floor (without nursing care) and use the facilities of the home, like cooked meals. And not a single person had thought to mention this to me. If I'd worked days, I would have seen them up and about but the 8pm - 6am night shift at a nursing home is pretty quiet

The shape I had seen was actually an elderly nun, in robes and a headcovering (wimple?), with a crutch (NOT a scythe), heading down the corridor to their little chapel as she couldn't sleep. And not, as I had for some reason assumed, the grim reaper here to collect one of our residents. I switched off night shifts soon after that.

16. Alright, no sleep for anybody ever again thanks to throw_away_loompa.

I work in a specific field of work, monitoring all types of radio channels, computer systems, imaging softwares. Creepiest, is the voice and crying of a little kid coming over the radio saying "Help! Is anyone out there?sobbing" Then absolutely nothing after that

Chrissy Teigen and John Legend made the cutest baby of all time, and that adorableness was only heightened when Teigen shared pictures of their daughter Luna in several different Halloween costumes on her Instagram on Thursday night. Looks like someone went a little overboard at Party City, and we couldn't be more thrilled.

The first picture was Luna as a miserable/cute hotdog. Teigen captioned the picture as "have you ever seen a more "why me?" face 😭"

Next up was an elaborate peacock headdress but the real star of this costume is those adorable little webbed feet! Oh my God.

Then Luna wore a frilly pink Minnie Mouse costume, complete with little ears. Warning: this costume is so cute that you may explode.

And last but not least, Teigen returned to the food theme with a banana costume, but due to Luna's size, she looks like one of those Chiquita mini bananas.

This is Luna Legend's first Halloween, and it looks like Teigen is taking the costume selection process very seriously. No matter what she wears, she will look like an angelic little baby cherub, even if she is a cherubic hotdog.

Kevin Jonas and his wife Danielle welcomed their second child, a baby girl, on Thursday. This Jonas sister joins Kevin and Danielle's first daughter, Alena Rose, who is 2. Kevin was adorably overjoyed about the new addition, and revealed baby #2's name on Twitter.

Uncle Joe and Uncle Nick were also "burning up" over the new baby. They sent their regards to their brother and sister-in-law via social media.

Kevin and Danielle announced that they were expecting back in June. Now a father of two, Kevin has certainly come a long way from wearing a purity ring and singing pop songs to hordes of screaming preteens.

Congrats!

What started as a fun bachelor party at a cabin in the Tennessee woods became something—you know what, just look at these photos:

"We were cooking bacon with the door open. The next thing you know, there's this dog sitting right at the front door," the groom, Mitchel Craddock of Michigan, told ABC News. "She wouldn't come inside, but she sat right there."

The eight dudes realized the dog had given birth, but that she was dehydrated and couldn't produce milk. Obviously, the guys semi-adopted her on the spot, and the next thing they know the dog's leading them to a spot in the woods.

Steel yourself for this next part.

In the woods was a hole. And in the hole... was a puppy. No, look a little closer. There were seven puppies.

You remember that scene in the first episode of Game of Thrones? When Jon Snow finds a heap of direwolf puppies—and it turns out, through some TV-magic, that there's actually one puppy for each of Ned Stark's kids?

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED HERE.

Eight dogs for the eight men at the bachelor party. And according to ABC, all eight dogs would leave the woods and find happy homes with the groomsmen or their families.

As for the remainder of the bachelor party: "We [had] pooled a bunch of money to buy food and beer. After the third day, our beer fund turned into puppy food fund."

This concludes the best story you'll ever find on the internet.

It's only October 28th, but five-year-old Kylie Rae Brooks has already won Halloween, so you should feel free to stay home this weekend.

Kylie and her mom, Diana Alvarez, are both obsessed with Bey, and went to the Formation World Tour last February.

While there are many Queen Bey costumes out there, Kylie undoubtedly wins with her magical combination of cuteness and accuracy.

(Points to Kylie for pulling off the PG version)

She then ***Flawlessly pulled off the "Hold Up" look with her own Hot Sauce.

She's won the approval of the Beyhive, which is no easy feat.

Keep slaying, Kylie. And thanks for giving me an excuse to just skip Halloween this year.

Ryan Collins, the 36- year-old Pennsylvanian man who in 2014 hacked Jennifer Lawrence's phone and leaked nude photos of her, has been sentenced to 18 months in federal prison. Collins pleaded guilty to federal hacking charges, admitting to sending celebrities like J. Law, Aubrey Plaza, Avril Lavigne, and Rihanna fake emails that looked like they came from Apple and Google in order to gain access to their usernames and passwords.

According to a statement released by Pennsylvania US attorney Bruce Brandler, "Collins would use a software program to download the entire contents of the victims' Apple iCloud backups. In addition, Collins ran a modeling scam in which he tricked his victims into sending him nude photographs."

Seems like a great guy! Have fun in jail, dude.

Because her topless photo didn't seem to get her sincerest regrets across, Amy Schumer wrote a short essay on Medium to both defend and apologize for her take on Beyoncé's "Formation."

Amy Schumer's mini-essay, titled "Information About My 'Formation,'" shows that Medium appears to be replacing a tweeted screenshot of the Notes app when it comes to celebrity apologies.

"Saying I love Beyoncé’s album 'Lemonade' is a huge understatement. I believe it is one of the greatest pieces of art of our time," she opens. To provide context, she says that over the summer while she was shooting her movie, the cast and crew were both obsessed with Beyoncé AND Hillary Clinton:"It was such a powerful time."

She then explains her powerful interpretation of the song:

I love how in the lyrics of “Formation” Beyoncé is telling us to get in formation. And also I like to think she is telling us ladies to get information.

Schumer then tries to defend what that video was all about, with no mention of the song's importance to the black community.

It was NEVER a parody. It was just us women celebrating each other. The video Beyoncé made was so moving and I wouldn’t ever make fun of that. There is absolutely no way to. I make fun of myself a few times in the video as I do in everything I am a part of. I loved every second of working with those women to make this thing that lifted us up.

She makes a point to mention that she had both Beyoncé and Jay Z's approval, seeing as "They released it on Tidal exclusively for the first 24 hours."

Read the whole piece here, and the video below if you want to.

I know the biggest question on everyone's mind this election season was definitely, "Who's going to get the much-coveted James Franco endorsement?" That question has now been answered.

Franco let the world know that he's #WithHer in a video he posted to Instagram on Wednesday. In the video, Franco endorses Hillary in the style of the Dos Equis "Most Interesting Man In The World" ads.

I have to say, Franco did a pretty great job with this. He provides the voiceover for the ad, which includes such hilarious lines as, "Her secret service code name is 'Hermione,' because she's a fucking wizard."

You can watch the clip in its entirety below.

British comedian Ricky Gervais was on Ellen on Thursday, and DeGeneres scared him silly by having a screaming Trump impersonator seemingly pop out of no where, which was not too far off from Trump's political career thus far. Why? Because she can.

Maybe it was not the best choice to try to scare a British person with the walking threat to American democracy, but Gervais definitely was spooked by the fake politician. If she really wanted to scare Gervais, she should have just played footage from a Trump rally. That would have freaked him out.