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Family buys a used car, finds out on the drive home that a 5-foot snake named Keith is living in it.

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Of all the problems that come with buying a used car, "accidentally becoming the owner of a large snake" doesn't typically merit a ranking. But maybe it should?

At any rate, one U.K. family will never again dismiss the possibility after realizing that the Nissan Navara they bought was home to a slithery 5-foot reptile. The BBC reports that they were driving home on the M5 in Worcestershire when they noticed their dog becoming distressed—because the snake had wrapped itself around his leg. Other reports stated that the couple's child had also alerted them to the stowaway. They quickly pulled the car over and waited for help.

The Central Motorway Police Group, though, were just as baffled.

Reptile experts identified the suspect as a harmless corn snake, and so, although it had disappeared back into the structure of the car, the family made the rest of their way home knowing they had nothing to fear but another scaly surprise.

As the story went viral, the Nissan's previous owner, Fiona Wellington of Sheffield, came forward to say that the snake was likely her pet, named Keith, who had gone missing before she'd sold the car. We of course hope for their swift reunion, but it also seems as if Keith has taken a fancy to his new mobile home.


Cut string with your bare hands like some kind of craft magician.

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Scott Wadsworth, aka the Essential Craftsman, is a "rope guru," and there's nothing he likes better than meeting someone who doesn't know how cool he is and blowing their minds with his no-tools string cutting trick. That's right: Scott can cut a small string that can support 300lb with just his bare hands. We don't want to ruin the element of surprise, so here it is first, with the explanation after:

If you finished the video, you figured out the secret: friction. That rope may be incredibly strong when handling direct forces, but wrapped around a hand so that the rope rubs against itself rapidly, the heat rapidly snaps the tiny fibers that make up the robe. It won't give you the clean cut of scissors, but if you need to impress a coworker, or use rope when you have no tools, this is an amazing trick.

Girl saves Halloween by getting her head stuck in a giant pumpkin, should have kept it on as a costume.

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Halloween 2016 was shaping up to be pretty awful—nothing but Harambe and Ken Bone costumes—but this teenager took one for the team and got her head stuck in a gigantic pumpkin while carving jack-o'-lanterns. For this brave service, we cannot hope to thank her enough. Behold, in an instant classic of seasonal virality, her struggle to gain freedom from the monstrous gourd as the rest of the family laughs and sort of, kind of, barely even pretends to help.

But fear not! She did escape, and, although pouty, did not seem too much the worse for wear. As for the brother who then dared to try the pumpkin on for himself, claiming that his head was smaller than his sister's, well... R.I.P.

Article 6

There is no better feeling than watching a loudmouthed jerk lose a $28 million poker hand.

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Professional poker player and jerk Will Kassouf faced off against the Griffin Berger's all-Canadian niceness in the World Series of Poker. When Kassouf thought he had a winning in the extremely high-stakes game, his normal dickishness was kicked up to eleven, basically pissing off everyone in the room. Finally, he pushes Benger to the point that Benger delivers a lecture on civility. Benger then pushes Kassouf to go all-in, bringing the pot to an astronomical $28 million. Then Benger reveals his cards. Benger begins responding at around 4:30, but the whole video is worth watching.

Even politicians in Denmark are rolling their eyes at Trump with these amazing bus ads.

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It's been a bad news cycle for Hillary Clinton, with a new F.B.I. inquiry into emails involving top aide Huma Abedin threatening to halt the candidate's surge in crucial swing state polls. But across the pond in Scandinavia, the Danish Socialist People's Party has her back, rolling out bus ads designed to remind Americans living in Copenhagen to vote in the upcoming U.S. election—and not for the goggle-eyed wacko.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=3&v=eS6PhMVqp0s

While Trump has been known to roll his eyes once or twice, he's really more of an angry squinter—but for the sake of some top-notch creative design, we're willing to let the point slide.

"The ad is obviously done with a sense of humor, but we actually do take the U.S. election very seriously. It has a huge impact on us all, even in tiny Denmark," Pia Olsen Dyhr, leader of the Socialist People's Party (or SF), told AdWeek. "Mr. Trump's political views are very far from ours, and I find it rather scary to think of him sitting in the Oval Office. I hope that we can influence some of the Americans living in Denmark and make them vote."

So congrats to Trump, who has managed not just to foment fears of another civil war here at home but to stress out a western ally nation so much that they feel compelled to do whatever they can to defeat him. Something tells us his next shipment of Royal Dansk cookies may get lost in the mail.

Dudes wussed out of a male birth control study over the same side effects women have dealt with for years.

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Men who think the birth control pill is some kind of magic anti-baby substance with no trade-offs or adverse effects whatsoever can look forward to having those illusions shattered as we make progress toward pharmaceutical contraception for dudes. Most recently, as Broadly reports, a study on a 96 percent successful male contraceptive injection ended early after 20 participants dropped out, citing issues that included mood changes, acne, and even the pain of the first injection.

In other words, they couldn't handle the same exact kind of hormonal shenanigans and discomfort that make the pill problematic for women.

You'd think that after a lifetime of complaining about wearing a condom, guys could tough out some pimples to help usher in a new era of birth control. Instead, they hightailed it home to long-suffering wives and girlfriends who will no doubt be very understanding about their decision to jump ship.

Still, there's reason to hold out hope, given the researchers' conclusions: "The study regimen led to near-complete and reversible suppression of spermatogenesis," they wrote. "The contraceptive efficacy was relatively good compared with other reversible methods available for men."

Now, if there were only some way to suppress crybaby tendencies in adults with a Y chromosome...

The only Halloween costume that matters is the one that blew this dog's mind with joy.

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Jolene the Golden Retriever has a favorite toy, Gumby, that she takes with her everywhere, so her owner Ben Mesches decided to give her a special treat by dressing up as a gigantic Gumby for Halloween. As much as one might momentarily fear Ben would be mistaken for a giant chew toy, it's clear right away that Jolene recognizes exactly what this is: her best friend, come to life.


Idiot professor accuses Latina student of plagiarism for using the word 'hence' in a college essay.

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College! It's the place where you can let your intellect soar, writing passionately argued essays without dumbing down your language or worrying whether your readers—highly educated professors, after all—will understand your word choice.

Unless you're Latina, apparently. In a blog post that quickly went viral, Tiffany Martinez, a Bronx native, aspiring professor, and senior at Boston's Suffolk University described her humiliation in front of an entire seminar at the hands of a professor who chided her for using the word "hence" in an essay, even demanding to know what source she'd plagiarized it from. Oof and a half.

I was hurt badly this morning and publicly humiliated in front of my peers by a professor. They assumed I plagiarized my...

Posted by Tiffany Corin Martínez on Thursday, October 27, 2016

The post, titled "Academia, Love Me Back," details Martinez's eye-popping résumé of academic credentials, awards, and distinctions before describing the incident, which revealed a sadly normalized bias against students of color:

This morning, my professor handed me back a paper (a literature review) in front of my entire class and exclaimed “this is not your language.” On the top of the page they wrote in blue ink: “Please go back and indicate where you cut and paste.” The period was included. They assumed that the work I turned in was not my own. My professor did not ask me if it was my language, instead they immediately blamed me in front of peers. On the second page the professor circled the word “hence” and wrote in between the typed lines “This is not your word.” The word “not” was underlined. Twice. My professor assumed someone like me would never use language like that. As I stood in the front of the class while a professor challenged my intelligence I could just imagine them reading my paper in their home thinking could someone like her write something like this?

In this interaction, my undergraduate career was both challenged and critiqued. It is worth repeating how my professor assumed I could not use the word “hence,” a simple transitory word that connected two relating statements. The professor assumed I could not produce quality research. The professor read a few pages that reflected my comprehension of complex sociological theories and terms and invalidated it all.

The post is well worth reading in full, and drew wide support, especially from those in academia who have seen or suffered similar treatment.

And besides the startlingly unprofessional approach to a wholly fabricated ethics issue, it's not as if plagiarism is hard to check for. Educators are armed with a formidable array of software and websites against which they can check students' work for stolen sentences. So not only was the accusation offensive—it was just plain lazy. If the use of"hence" is truly a red flag at the college level of discourse, then this country is in worse trouble than we realized.

Let's just hope this professor doesn't have tenure already.

Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson shared a behind-the-scenes look at him singing a Lin-Manuel Miranda tune for 'Moana.

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Dwayne Johnson is the king of Instagram (and the demigod Maui in Moana), and Lin-Manuel Miranda is the king of musicals, so what more could you ask for than a behind-the-scenes look at Dwayne singing Lin's song "You're Welcome" for the movie? Sure, you can already watch an animated clip on YouTube (see below), but this is the only place you can actually see Dwayne singing in person. Lin also explains how he came up with the song, "I just thought, 'what would be the most fun thing to hear The Rock sing?' And it's, 'You're welcome!'"

Here's a snippet of the animated version from the movie:

Halloween

Makeup star NikkieTutorials flies to CA for a relaxing blackhead session with Dr. Pimple Popper.

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When you're a YouTube makeup celebrity like NikkieTutorials, you fly across the country to have your pores squeezed by the most famous pore-squeezer on the internet—Dr. Sandra "Pimple Popper" Lee. Naturally. Fortunately for us, the internet celebrity encounter was filmed, and it's as satisfying and relaxing as any video either one makes. First, Nikkie has a small angiofibroma (small red spot) removed from the front of her known, but the blackhead farming begins at 3:30. Her pores are productive, and the friendly conversation gives the whole video a relaxing, meditative quality.

School calls cops on middle schooler for using a real $2 bill at lunch, with no apology.

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At the Christa McAuliffe Middle School in Houston, TX, eighth grader Danesiah Neal was hauled out of lunch and into the school police office for trying to pay with the uncommon-but-legal $2 bill. As Danesiah recalls, "I went to the lunch line, and they said my $2 bill was fake. They gave it to the police. Then they sent me to the police office. A police officer said I could be in big trouble." Danesiah never ended up getting lunch.

You may be asking why two dollars on an eighth grader's lunch bill requires police action of any kind, or why there's a school police office, but even more depressing was the fact that the investigation went beyond calling home. Sharon Kay Joseph, Danesiah's grandmother, says a school official called her and asked "Did you give Danesiah a $2 bill for lunch? [The police officer] told me it was fake.” You would think the matter would end there when her grandmother said "yes."

Instead, the school police followed the trail back to the convenience store that had given Sharon Kay Joseph the bill as change, and finally to a bank to prove it was real money. Only then, after school, was the money returned to Danesiah's grandmother. Said Joseph,

He brought me my $2 bill back. He didn’t apologize. He should have, and the school should have because they pulled Danesiah out of lunch, and she didn’t eat lunch that day because they took her money....It was very outrageous for them to do it. There was no need for police involvement. They’re charging kids like they’re adults now.

This is hardly an isolated incident. As the rest of the ABC13 report (up top) explains, school officers may be in part arresting students for weird felonies because a new TX law makes it harder for them to arrest kids in school for misdemeanors. In the 2013-2014 school year, Houston had 40 such cases of students being arrested and/or charged with felony counterfeiting at school. All 40 of those students were black or Hispanic. Some of the kids in question did use what turned out to be fake bills, but it's unclear whether as children they could tell the difference.

But if a kid was trying to steal two dollars worth of chicken nuggets, why is your first thought not: "why is this kid hungry enough to steal two dollars worth of chicken nuggets​?"

Update: This story took place in April, 2016.

Too soon.

'SNL' made a scary good montage of their Halloween sketches.


The 2016 Halloween decorations champ is this house that sings AC/DC's 'Highway to Hell.'

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For suburbanites who want something a little darker than the annual Christmas light competition, Halloween is their time to shine—but like a 90s sitcom dad, everyone else should just learn to appreciate time with family, because this house in Riverside, CA already won. Kevin Judd's neighbors may not love him, but the neighborhood kids do. He and his family, who founded Creative Lighting Displays,took a few years off from their Halloween spectaculars, but they're back this year, with the centerpiece of their show being "Highway to Hell":

They also posted a number of shots taken by people who came to see the house:

There is so many great memories that are being created this year by those who have attended the Riverside Halloween House 2016. We love seeing through the lens of others from the posts that are shared. 🎃👻🕸.

Posted by Creative Lighting Displays on Sunday, October 30, 2016

The whole light show, amazingly, is about 35 minutes long. Judd apologized for the video quality in both, saying the house looks much better in person. It looks pretty good here, to be honest.

10-29-2016 (8:35pm) show - Riverside Halloween House

Posted by Creative Lighting Displays on Saturday, October 29, 2016

Here's a news report from 2012 on the house and the family tradition.

Halloween

John Oliver is here to remind you that school segregation is still a problem.

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John Oliver took a break from covering the election this week and somehow found something even more depressing to talk about—segregation in schools. Wait, wasn't racism declared over once President Obama took office? No? Gosh darn it.

Contrary to popular (biased) belief, the South sees the least amount of segregation in schools, while New York State sees the most. Oliver also points out that segregation is largely found in New York City itself, where many white liberals are probably burying their heads in shame at this very moment.

Well, not all of us could be "Dylan."

Beyoncé and Blue Ivy threw it way back with this year's Halloween costumes.

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Beyoncé Knowles and her 4-year-old daughter Blue Ivy went old school this Halloween by dressing up as Queens rappers Salt-N-Pepa circa 1986's "Push It." Sunday night, Queen Bey posted an Instagram photo collage of herself and Blue Ivy dressed up as Salt-N-Pepa band members Sandra Denton and Cheryl James.

A video posted by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on

Check out Bey's fanny pack and gold door-knocker earrings. Nailed it!

Blue Ivy and her mom even had those iconic jackets, but instead of "S" and "P," they had "B"s on their sleeves, natch.

Study on male birth control scrapped for being too much like female birth control.

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A study on a male birth control injection that proved 96% effective was scuttled after participants reported side effects like depression, mood disorders, and acne.

Of course, these are the same side effects women report, and they've been on the pill since 1962.

The study, which began in 2008 and ended early in 2012, stopped when researchers noted "depression and other mood disorders" in the participants.

Intriguingly, the United Nations co-sponsored the project, results of which you can check out in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism.

One expert, Elisabeth Lloyd, told CNN she quickly made the connection to female birth control upon hearing the results: "I immediately thought of the recent findings on female birth control. Twenty percent or 30% of the women who take oral birth control pills experience depression and have to take medication for it," she said.

"So the difference just struck me. They terminated this study once it showed 3% depression for the men."

Still, the failure of the injection to make it further than the research stage is not the end of male birth control. Recent reports hail a new breakthrough on the development of a pill for men.

Hopefully it will come without the side effects women have been dealing with for decades.

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