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Article 13


The ultimate shopping list for your post-election doomsday bunker.

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While Election Day is bound to bring relief with the end of the nasty campaigns, the aftermath is bound to be scary. Whether or not Trump wins, the events of November 8th could still bring about the apocalypse: a Trump loss could mean angry pandemonium, and a Trump win could mean happy riots like after a winning city after the Super Bowl.

It's going to be a long night. Here are some things you'll want to keep in your home for the end of days.

1. USB Hand Crank Charger

Emergency Power USB Hand Crank SOS Phone Charger Camping Backpack Survival Gear Cell Radio Light

As much as we'll pretend to be gritty survivalists, we're going to want to keep our phones charged. The revolution will be live-tweeted.

2. Glow Sticks

It's vital to have glowsticks for light, and even more vital to have them for a rave.

3. Bottled Water

Your body may be 60% water, but you'll also need some on the outside as well.

4. SpaghettiOs

You'll need nonperishable food to subsist on, and might as well have fun with it. SpaghettiOs will take you back to the simpler days when that painter who was also a president George W. Bush was the scariest man in town.

5. Personal Hygiene Kit

You gotta keep clean, especially if you throw that rave.

6. 5 Gallon Luggable Loo

You're going to need a place to put all those SpaghettiOs.

7. Door Security Bar

Stay safe by fortifying your doors so angry pro-Trump protestors or violently ecstatic celebrators can't get in. Warning: the extra metal will Make Doors Grate Again.

8. SONY Portable Radio

Keep tabs on the goings on the old fashioned way, without cable news picking their favorite facts or Anderson Cooper's baby blues distracting you from what's at stake.

9. Infinite Jest

Doomsday means downtime, and you're going to have a lot of time to kill As The World Burns. There's no better time than the apocalypse to read the 1104-paged novel you've said you've read since college.

10. Sleeping Bag

His Majesty Sir President Trump once said "Why can't we use nuclear weapons?" three times in a single briefing, and his desire to use nuclear weapons has been one of the only thing he's been consistent about. Under the Trump administration, it would be best to stay safe sleeping in the basement in event of World War III.

This is what happened after a tabloid called Cara Delevingne 'bloated.'

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This week UK tabloid The Sun printed a nasty rumor that in 2014, Cara Delevingne was deemed too "bloated" to walk in a fashion show for Victoria's Secret. The publication has since pulled the article, and now the 24-year-old model and Suicide Squad star is going about setting the record straight. On Friday, she Instagrammed a picture of a letter written by that show's producer, Victoria's Secret CMO Edward Razek, in which he confirms that the item was a "complete fabrication." In the caption, along with the hashtag "bloated," she wrote, "It's shameless to discuss women's bodies just to sell papers," which is one hundred percent true.

🖕🏽🌞🖕🏽it's shameless to discuss women's bodies just to sell papers #bloated ❤️ @victoriassecret

A photo posted by Cara Delevingne (@caradelevingne) on

The full text of Razek's letter reads,

Dearest Cara -

Victoria's Secret rarely comments on tabloid gossip, but this week's article in British paper The Sun regarding you and the 2014 Victoria's Secret fashion show is a complete fabrication.

Contrary to The Sun's claims, which they never even bothered to fact check with me, Victoria's Secret made every effort to have you in the London show. I know, because I was the one making the effort.​ As a matter of fact, you were the first person invited, months ahead of anyone else. The alleged casting, where supposedly disparaging remarks were made, never happened. There was NO casting. You had already been enthusiastically confirmed.'

The sole reason you ultimately couldn't join us was the movie you were shooting in North Carolina. It quite understandably couldn't accommodate your absence.

We tried hard to have you there. You would have made the show better, as you do anything and everything you're involved in.

So allow me to extend the invitation once again. If you're free on November 30, please join us in Paris. As always, we'd love to have you. No casting necessary!

Much love and deep respect,

Edward Razek

CMO Victoria's Secret

Executive Producer, Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

This is a clear cut case of editors using the public's obsession with people's sizes and weights to sell a few papers, and it'd be great if that never happened again. In fact, it would be great if everyone in general could get past talking or even caring about what other people's bodies do or don't look like. Just because they're models doesn't mean they aren't also humans, k?

Jury finds that 'Rolling Stone' journalist defamed UVA dean in debunked story of campus gang rape.

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Almost two years after the appearance of a Rolling Stone article that described a gang rape at the University of Virginia, and about a year and a half after the story was officially retracted due to a swift unraveling of its allegations, a federal court jury has found the magazine, its publisher, and the journalist liable for defaming one of the school's associate deans. Lawyers for that university employee, Nicole Eramo, argued that she was cast as the villain in a "preconceived" narrative by writer Sabrina Rubin Erdely, and were seeking $7.5 million in the lawsuit.

In the now-infamous 2014 article, "A Rape on Campus," Erdely reported on the case of a woman identified only as "Jackie," who said she had been gang-raped in 2012 by members of the fraternity Phi Kappa Psi as part of their initiation rites. Jackie's account, and in particular her invented description of the assault's supposed ringleader, fell apart upon closer inspection—but only after Erdely had accepted them as true in her piece, which portrayed Eramo (then the campus official who handled sexual violence claims) as indifferent to Jackie's plight.

According to the Washington Post, one of Eramo's attorneys, Tom Clare, said that "despite Rolling Stone’s reporting, Eramo had indeed cared for Jackie in the aftermath of her alleged assault, counseling her and organizing a meeting with police detectives to help bring her attackers to justice. But Jackie refused to participate in any police investigation." Meanwhile, Scott Sexton, a lawyer for Rolling Stone, argued that although magazine had made huge errors, "[t]his young woman was very good at telling this story. Dean Eramo believed her... Yet we are the ones being tried, in a sense, for having believed her."

The jury will now hear more evidence regarding Eramo's emotional distress and injured reputation before damages are awarded. The verdict, which categorically ascribes "actual malice" to the actions of Erdely and Rolling Stone, comes at a precarious legal moment for media organizations increasingly under fire by individuals like Peter Thiel, the Silicon Valley billionaire who underwrote the Hulk Hogan lawsuit that bankrupted Gawker, and even presidential candidate Donald Trump, who has often incited his supporters to intimidate journalists.

Aside from Eramo, several Phi Kappa Psi members had filed suit against Erdely and Rolling Stone over "A Rape on Campus." Although that action was dismissed this past summer, the fraternity itself, as of September, has been allowed to proceed with its own lawsuit. The chapter is seeking $25 million in damages.

Article 9

Amy Schumer says you're a 'steamy dump' if you don't vote.

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It might seem like the upcoming election is all anyone is talking about, and if so, GOOD. Because it's really so important that people actually take the time to go and vote. In last ditch efforts to make sure that everyone takes their responsibility as United States citizens seriously, lots of celebrities are making videos urging everyone to vote (and most are urging them to vote for non-sexual predator and lying billionaire Hillary Clinton). On Friday, comedian Amy Schumer added her own video to the mix, telling people that their voting record is actually public, and calling anyone who doesn't vote "a steamy dump."

As she says, "I hope the people don't blame you if an orange, sexually-assaulting Godzilla who started a fake college is fucking up the entire planet a year or so from now."

Schumer jokes that she's still undecided, before practically yelling "HILLARY! VOTE FOR HILLARY!," adding "Don't be crazy." So funny, but SO TRUE.

DO IT!

This woman quit her job to date full-time and it actually doesn't sound that crazy.

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A woman by the name of Yvonne Eisenring quit her job, left her apartment behind, and set out on a journey to find love. She took a year off, traveled to 12 different countries, went on 50 dates, and now is writing a book about her experience.

In an interview with Vice, Eisenring explained that she'd been in the workforce since she was 20 years old, and at 27 realized she hadn't been in love in a long time. When she thought about why, she came to the conclusion that the amount of time she spent at work might have something to do with it. So she decided to experiment by taking a year off to focus on her love life.

"I wanted to see if falling in love is more likely to happen when you have free time and no responsibilities," she said. "Some friends thought it was a brave thing to do; others worried that I was gambling with my career."

Skeptical? I was too, but then Eisenberg started talking about what she learned from the experiment, and it actually doesn't seem that crazy. Here's what she said:

The most important thing I learned was that it's worth it to take the risk and focus on your private life. Some people are afraid of losing control or getting hurt. Falling in love shakes you up. It's strange that people will put so much effort into their careers but don't want to invest anything in love.

I mean, she kind of has a point, right? Sure, leaving your job and financial stability behind for a whole year to go on a bunch of dates seems a little nuts and probably isn't for everyone. (Especially those of us who definitely could not afford to be jobless for a year.) But, hey. Maybe it works for some people. A 401K can't buy you love, my friends.

You can read Vice's full interview with Eisenberg here.

Nick Jonas blessed us all with a shirtless selfie.

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Former teen sensation and currentadult sensation Nick Jonas shared a shirtless selfie on his Snapchat Thursday night, which really was awfully kind of him. Hey, if you got it, flaunt it (on social media).

Thanks, Nick!

Jonas went from looking like a baby lamb in the early Jo-Bro days to looking like a stone-cold FOX. Since appearing on shows like Scream Queens and movies like Goat and the upcoming Jumanji, Jonas has definitely been upping his gym time.

See? A cute little baby lamb.

After posting the shirtless pic, Nick followed up with this less-naked selfie:

Keepin' it real.

At least he doesn't take himself too seriously.


90-year-old woman votes for HRC, dies a few days later. Probably coincidental.

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Anita Harris cast a mail-in ballot for Hillary Clinton last week and then passed away a few days later of natural causes (unrelated to her voting for Hillary Clinton). She was 90. Her son posted the story in a private Facebook group called National Pantsuit Day on Nov. 2nd, along with a picture of his mom, and it unleashed a torrent of love from HRC fans, wracking up thousands of comments of condolences and support.

Here's a screen grab of the original, very moving post:

Awwwwww!!!

In an interview with the Huffington Post, Scott Harris said he and his brother were "overwhelmed" by the massive response to his post and they saw it as a positive sign. “What is amazing is that human kindness still exists within this contentious election," he said. "It reminds me of people stopping and taking off a hat as a funeral procession passed by. Honoring a complete stranger. Just shows Love Trumps Hate.”

Also? Anita Harris sounds like she was really, really rad. Apparently she didn't want a traditional service. Instead, “she just wanted us to go eat great Chinese food so when we do we will toast her and HRC," said Scott. "Frankly I can’t think of a better sendoff for mom than going viral. She always was a bit of an attention-seeker. LOL.” (If there is a Heaven, she's up there like "HELL YEAH I WENT VIRAL!!!")

If this doesn't make you want to go out and vote next Tuesday, IDK what will.

Side note: voting for Hillary Clinton has been in no way found to cause illness or death. But even if it did, it might be worth the risk.

7 things you missed today while you were at your boring adult job: Will Ferrell, micropenises, and Bridgegate.

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'Playboy' model Dani Mathers could go to jail for body-shaming Snapchat of nude woman in locker room.

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Thanks to Donald Trump, we've heard a lot about what goes on in men's locker rooms. But a few months ago, Playboy model Dani Mathers lost a radio gig and her gym membership over a Snapchat that body-shamed a naked stranger in the shower at an LA Fitness location—and now she could go to jail for it.

TMZ reports that the LAPD has tracked down the unsuspecting 70-year-old woman in the photo, and that she has agreed to proceed with prosecution: L.A. City Attorney Mike Feuer on Friday formally charged Mathers with invasion of privacy, which, much like a violation of California's revenge porn law, is a misdemeanor that carries a penalty of up to 6 months in jail.

"Body-shaming is humiliating, with often painful, long-term consequences," Feuer said in a statement obtained by the Los Angeles Times. “It mocks and stigmatizes its victims, tearing down self-respect and perpetuating the harmful idea that our unique physical appearances should be compared to air-brushed notions of 'perfect.' What really matters is our character and humanity. While body-shaming, in itself, is not a crime, there are circumstances in which invading one's privacy to accomplish it can be. And we shouldn’t tolerate that."

Meanwhile, Mathers' attorney Tom Mesereau told TMZ, "I’m disappointed that she was charged with any type of violation. She never intentionally violated anyone’s privacy and never tried to break the law at any time." But unless the jury is made up of other former Playboy playmates, that line of argument probably won't hold up in court. Mathers herself has been mostly mum on the controversy, occasionally apologizing. Her most recent tweet was about yoga.

Susan Sarandon doesn't vote with her vagina.

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Susan Sarandon wants everyone to know that her genitals have nothing to do with her political views.

In an interview with the BBC on Friday, Sarandon, who has repeatedly refused to endorse Hillary Clinton for president, says she doesn't feel pressure to vote for Clinton just because she's a woman.

"There are great women that I admire that have headed nations,” Sarandon said. "You've had a woman. I didn't know how you felt about that. But I don't vote with my vagina.”

Yeah guys, come on. Let's all leave our private parts out of this election, okay?

Sarandon was a big supporter of Bernie Sanders in the primaries (she did not have fun at the DNC), and officially endorsed Green Party candidate Jill Stein earlier this week. You can watch her full interview with the BBC below.

This Gilmore Girls clip from 2002 eerily sums up Hillary Clinton's campaign.

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Woah. In under a minute, this clip from a Gilmore Girls episode from 2002 sums up America's current political situation, 14 years later. The clip shows Rory Gilmore's college roommate, Paris Geller, in her frustrating bid for student body president. It's a job she's extremely qualified for, except for one thing: people just don't like her. Sound familiar?

Just watch:

It's uncanny how the "sneakily feminist" show perfectly nailed the "likability trap" that has plagued Hillary Clinton's campaign from the very beginning.

“That’s crazy," says Paris in the clip. "You mean people would rather vote for a moronic twink who they liked over someone who could actually do the job?”

Her friends confirm that yes, people would rather vote for some "moronic twink," and then they suggest that her only chance of winning is if the opponent is involved in a sex scandal.

Uncanny, right?

Here's the good news: Paris Geller triumphs over her lack of likability and wins student body president. If the makers of Gilmore Girls can predict the future, as this clip would suggest, that bodes well for our future.

See you next Tuesday.

Flirting

Article 8


Yorkie with perfectly tousled hair is the doggie definition of glamour.

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There's no shortage of beautiful dogs to gawk at on Instagram, but Willamina (or Willie), a photogenic Yorkshire Terrier, is raising the bar with her luxuriant, '90s-chic hairdos. This pup always looks like she's stepped out of an issue of Vogue.

Got my hair did but nowhere to go 🙄

A photo posted by w i l l a m i n a (@williecute) on

The 5-year-old San Diego purebred lives with owner/hairdresser Laura and Shay, an equally adorable rescue pup whom she never overshadows with her style. "Her head of hair is out of control," Laura told BuzzFeed. "She bathes once a week, and we don’t comb her hair every day, though we probably should."

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down 😆🤗 #thunderstormsupportgroup

A photo posted by w i l l a m i n a (@williecute) on

There are ways of coping with that unruly mane, of course—mainly hats, topknots, and bandannas, all of which merely add to her undeniable flair.

The boss is always the last one to leave the office 🤓 #waggoworkday

A photo posted by w i l l a m i n a (@williecute) on

@barkaveofficial making me feel like a million bucks 😎😆 #barkaveXme

A photo posted by w i l l a m i n a (@williecute) on

Stealing hearts est. 2011 😍

A photo posted by w i l l a m i n a (@williecute) on

And on very special occasions, she even gets a little braiding done.

Brown eyed girl

A photo posted by w i l l a m i n a (@williecute) on

No surprise that these casual yet well-curated looks have attracted 21,000 Instagram followers. If you're reading this, congrats on being the 21,001st.

Beyoncé goes all in for Hillary at Cleveland show: 'I want my daughter to grow up seeing a woman leading the country.'

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Hillary Clinton pulled out all the stops for a Friday night concert rally in Cleveland aimed at urging young and African-American voters to propel her to the White House on Election Day: Superstar couple Beyoncé and Jay Z, accompanied by Chance the Rapper, played to an adoring crowd of thousands, and in between songs made the case for Hillary as commander-in-chief.

Bey took the stage in a polka-dotted pantsuit to belt her feminist mega-hit "Formation" before speaking about the Democratic nominee for president. She recalled how inspired she felt eight years ago when she saw Barack Obama as a role model for her nephew, and spoke to the effect Hillary would likewise have on her own family. "I want my daughter to grow up seeing a woman leading the country," she said, and know that "her possibilities are limitless."

A video posted by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on

Beyoncé also spoke the history of the suffragette movement in America, noting that "there was a time when a woman's opinion did not matter" and that women have gone from disenfranchised to a shot at the Oval Office in less than a century. She said that the world looks to the U.S. as a progressive country capable of change, which means we have a responsibility to embrace it.

A video posted by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on

Clinton herself referred to Beyoncé as "a woman who is an inspiration to so many others," adding, "Please take this energy out with you. Help us win Ohio." She took a moment to thank Jay Z, too, especially "for addressing in his music some of our biggest challenges in the country: poverty, racism, the urgent need for criminal justice reform." Jay had been the one to mention Donald Trump, saying, "He cannot be my president. He cannot be our president." Two days before the concert, he had tweeted a quote from the late writer and Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel that cautions against neutrality in times of moral peril.

Meanwhile, Donald Trump held a rally in Hershey, Pennsylvania, and it sounded a bit like sour grapes when he said, "I didn't have to bring J-Lo or Jay Z. I am here all by myself. Just me. No guitar, no piano, no nothing."

Hillary, by contrast, is only getting started. Following a get-out-the-vote concert from Stevie Wonder in Philadelphia on Friday night, Katy Perry will play the city's Mann Music Center on Saturday evening. The show is free with an RSVP.

The best reactions to Nat Geo's utterly savage 'homewrecking penguin' drama.

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Penguins are many things: awkwardly cute, evolutionarily bizarre, and stalwart inhabitants of some punishing climates. But nobody on the Internet was prepared to learn about what happens when a penguin catches his wife with another male bird. In a video from National Geographic that swiftly went viral, we see such an adulterous affair become a bloody battle to the humiliating end.

Who could have guessed that marital penguin drama was savage enough for Game of Thrones? People couldn't stop talking about what they'd witnessed. Many were shaken to the core. This day wouldn't soon be forgotten.

The consensus is clear: Too real, National Geographic. Too real.

Reminders

After 'OK from God,' woman files lawsuit to stop the 2016 election. Why didn't we think of that?

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This whole year, we've been trying to pretend that this god-awful presidential election wasn't happening. But have we done anything to actually stop it? No.

Thankfully, Louise K. Nolley, a 62-year-old resident of Buffalo, New York, has crafted a legal plan to save us all. This week, in federal court, she filed a lawsuit against Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton on behalf of all Americans, seeking the indefinite postponement of the election until better candidates are selected.

"Neither of the candidates running for the Presidential seat shows that they can handle the position," states the 6-page filing with the U.S. District Court, according the Buffalo News. "There shouldn’t be a reasonable doubt that Hillary can be trusted with confidential information," it notes, and where Trump is concerned, “being rich or having more than others does not make you a candidate for Presidency.” Instead, Nolley argues, we need someone "serious, qualified, trustworthy" to lead the nation for the next four years.

Nolley is nothing if not serious herself. A recovering heroin addict with a long rap sheet and a history in prison—where she acquired the paralegal skill set behind her lawsuit—this is the first time she's eligible to vote for a president in her adult life. “I’ve been writing on it and thinking about it and praying. I was just waiting for an OK from God,” she said of her injunction to delay the election, which would be a first in America's 227-year history of transferring executive power.

Barring that unprecedented decision, however, Nolley has vowed to abstain from voting for Clinton or Trump and will instead look to make a difference in down-ballot races. That's just the sort of patriot and devoted citizen she is.

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