In Vihiga County, Kenya, a disgruntled husband is making news after he decided to take control of his domestic troubles by cutting off his bone to spite his wife. According to local sources, Edwin Avedi and his wife Truphena found themselves arguing constantly over Edwin's tendency to disappear for days with no notice. After a recent three-day absence, Truphena refused to have sex with Edwin. And that's when things got real.

In a rage, Truphena started belittling Edwin for his small penis and his lack of sexual prowess. Over days, he became increasingly embittered, and the couple fought more and more. Ken Matikho, a neighor, said:

Their children have been telling us the couple quarrels all the time. He has told some of his friends how his wife has been denying him his conjugal rights. Most recently, he was overheard complaining that, if his wife continues denying him access to the cookie jar, he will cut off his manhood.

Of course, every husband has made that threat at some point in his marriage. But Edwin Avedi followed up on it. After a particularly bitter argument one night, he managed to stun his wife into silence for once by trying to cut his penis clean off.

Fortunately, it didn't work. Neighbors took him to a local hospital, where he underwent reconstructive surgery. If all goes well, his penis will soon be good as new. His marriage, however, will take longer to recover.

For months, Donald Trump has been predicting that today's presidential election would be rigged by Hillary Clinton and her goons (despite the fact that voter fraud almost never happens in the US). Trump's supporters latched on to the concern, and are being extra vigilant about checking to make sure their votes are counted. Here are 11 tweets that may or may not convince you this election is fixed like a Vegas boxing match.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

This was supposed to be a list of tweets, but that last one was an Instagram. You know why? This list is RIGGED!

Sosha Adelstein and Max Brandel made a quick detour—fulfilling their civic duty to vote—on the way to giving birth to a new citizen.

Adelstein and Brandel's daughter, Bella Rose, was due on Election Day, but started coming early, likely in hopes of getting to watch the returns come in on cable news herself.

"We ran over there and kind of made it just in time, because like shortly after that I was like, 'OK, it's time. We got to get to the hospital,'" Adelstein told CNN.

The Daily Camerareports that "They came in to drop off their ballots and sign the ballot envelopes. The election judge could tell she was in labor."

Before hustling to the maternity ward, the new parents snapped a picture at the makeshift selfie station, and Adelstein bravely smiled while in intense labor pains.

The two got a shout-out from former/future First Daughter Chelsea Clinton.

Congrats to the new parents! Thank you for doing your duty, especially in the critical swing state of Colorado!

If there is anything we know about Taylor Swift, it is that her girl squad comes first. I've always kind of gotten the vibe that Taylor is the "mom" of her friend group. (You know, the friend who always has snacks in her bag and somehow knows to bring things like toilet paper when you go on a long hike in the middle of nowhere.) And that was confirmed when I saw the pictures from the 20th birthday bash she threw for Lorde Monday night.

The party was held at ZZ's Clam Bar in New York City. Taylor made Lorde take embarrassing "mom-kissing-you-on-the-cheek" birthday photos.

She decorated the place with balloons.

Lorde even wrote in the caption of this picture of her, Tay, and Karlie Kloss that Taylor calls herself "a mom with no kids." Seems pretty accurate.

And in true friend group mom fashion, Taylor thought ahead and invited some of Lorde's friends from back in New Zealand.

Plus, she made sure there was chocolate cake. Because what's a birthday party without cake?

Oh and also Aziz Ansari was there, wearing a cat shirt. (This has nothing to do with Tay Tay acting like a mom. It's just a fun fact.)

If Taylor ever has any actual children, their birthday parties are going to be epic.

Voting might seem like a pain in the ass to us entitled young whipper snappers. But for these grandmas, it's a yuuuuuuge honor. Especially because some of them were born before women were even allowed to vote. So they're pretty stoked to now be voting for who could soon become the first female president of the United States.

That's right: these badass older ladies are with her. And they voted. So get ready to dance and/or weep.

1. She's makin' history!

2. In a cemetery, but very much alive. And voted!

3. She's 106 years old. 106!!!

4. Grandma Pearl is ready to rock.

5. My oh my, how times have changed.

6. This granny is STOKED to vote.

7. She waited 96 years. And you can't wait in a long line?

8. She's definitely not undecided.

9. This grandma's Texas vote definitely matters.

10. Popping that voting cherry.

11. She doesn't need one of those newfangled computers!

12. She wrote it down so she won't forget.

13. She thought she'd never see the day!

14. Mimi voted for the nasty lady.

Still not voting because you don't feel like it? Take a hint from this grandma:

This should be our new national anthem. Now get out there and vote. If not for our country, do it for grandma.

Brad Kearns, the man behind DaDMum, writes hilarious Facebook posts about what it's like to be a dad in the modern world. On October 31, Kearns wrote one that's since gone viral about all the trauma he experienced the day his wife gave birth to their first child. Yes, "he," because even though his wife was the one doing the work, he was ill-prepared for what was to come.

In the story he relates getting his laboring wife from the car to the hospital door, via wheelchair, like it was an Olympic relay race, only to be met by an entirely unfazed nurse who acted like people giving birth was an every day occurrence in the maternity ward. Once there, Kearns quickly realized he was probably "the dumbest person in the room." Sure, he took birthing classes with his wife and watched the video of the woman giving birth, but adds, "We should have been watching the fucking Exorcism of Emily Rose. I would have at least known what to expect. I would have taken a vial of holy water just in case."

His full post reads,

I've always thought of myself as pretty cool under pressure. But the first time I got that call that my wife's waters had broken, something changed. The excitement of almost being a dad went straight out the window because holy fuck, a tiny human was about to come out of my wife.

Now as a man I obviously couldn't feel the pain. But let me tell you, when those contractions were hitting, I had a pretty good idea what was going on. I remember looking at the speedo realising I was doing 160kph down the motorway. It was fucked. This was happening. Holy shit... The louder she got, the higher my heart-rate spiked and the faster we went.

Parked as quick as I could, rang the shit out of the buzzer, threw her in a wheelchair and sprinted to the maternity ward like it was the fucking olympics. This woman strolls over and opens the door for us. I've just put in a performance that would rival Usain Bolt over the 200m whilst pushing a wheelchair, and this old lady casually opens the door like it's a book club meeting and I'm 20 minutes early. Like she was already angry at me because she had to put down her tea. Fuck out of my way woman, my wife is having a baby!

Have you ever felt like the dumbest person in the room? I did because they all seemed pretty relaxed. The nursing staff. Nobody seemed to give much of a shit about the whole 'babies head is bigger than a vagina' thing. It must be their training. We obviously weren't as close to D-Day as I thought. So we set up in one of the birthing suites. I knew we weren't as close as others because I could hear the bellows of a woman in pain coming from down the hall. Fuck were we in for a good night or what!

A few weeks earlier I had gone to those pre birthing classes so I felt like I knew what was going on. Nope... No fucking idea. People come in, people leave, they say stuff like dilation and every now and then someone throws on a latex glove and goes under the hospital gown. You really don't know what love is until you've hosed your naked partner down with warm water in front of complete strangers. This shit was like something off the discovery channel. All bets were off. Dignity was out the window by this point. I made sure I stood well back because I didn't want to get too cold later if I wet my clothes. Just kidding. I had spare clothes.

When your wife breaks your arm and demands an epidural with a demon-possessed voice, and it's too late to administer... You're fucked. I'm just going to put it out there and say that those classes didn't teach me shit all. Why did we watch that stupid 1980's video where a woman pops this kid out like a morning poo. We should have been watching the fucking Exorcism of Emily Rose. I would have at least known what to expect. I would have taken a vial of holy water just in case.

Knox was eventually born and it was beautiful. If you know any men out there who are pretending not to be nervous. Tell them they should be very fucking nervous. Or send them my way. I'm a pro now 😂

Childbirth is actually amazing. I don't get how they even go through that?

(This is heavily dramatised, I swear I'm not a sociopath)

You know how women compare stories about giving birth—how long it took, where they were when they went into labor, when their water broke, and so on? Maybe it's time to start adding "how freaked out was your non-giving birth partner?" into the mix, too.

Americans love Christmas. We start preparing for December 25th right after we toss out those rotting jack-o-laterns and way before we carve the Thanksgiving turkey. Our shopping malls are turned into winter wonderlands while we are still wearing shorts. Our radio stations play Christmas carols ad nauseam. Now Aldi Australia is showing Americans how much warmer (and more relaxed) Christmas could be if we all celebrated Down Under.

The commercial features an American family called "the Tinkletons," who, like hopped-up Whos from The Grinch, are on a mission to prove that Christmas in the United States is superior to Christmas in Australia. WARNING: This video may be upsetting to those who are forced to wear ugly matching Christmas sweaters every year.

Of course, the Tinkletons have adopted the "bigger is better" philosophy when it comes Christmas, but as soon as they discover how low-key Australian celebrations are, they stop their manic caroling and enjoy eating some shrimp on the barbie.

Australian Christmas seems nice, especially compared to the stress of having to spend the holidays with family—which is tough even if they're not perfectly-coifed, Santa-obsessed monsters who can't stop chugging eggnog.

It's election night and, win or lose, we're either going to drown our sorrows in booze or celebrate our victories with ... booze. Here are some candidate-inspired cocktails to help you put the election—and yourself—to bed.

Donald Trump's P***y Grabber

4 parts of "the best" vodka (whatever Putin drinks)

1 part maraschino liquor for an unnatural hue

1 part Goldschläger​

3 dashes of orange bitters for obvious reasons

1 twist of orange

Serve in a glass small enough for any adult's hand.

Hillary Clinton's Nasty Woman

1 part tequila (preferred by "bad hombres")

2 parts clam juice

2 Parts tomato juice

A few healthy splashes of Ninja Squirrel Hot Sauce sourced directly from Hillary's purse

1 splash fresh lemon juice

Mix over cracked ice in a lowball glass.

Mike Pence's Punisher:

2 parts Lemon Zinger brewed Tea Party tea

1 part soda water

Shake together with disdain, add 1950s-era lime garnish.

Tim Kaine's Triple Threat

1 part Governer's White wine

1 part Senator Lager

1 part El Mayor tequila

Combine all parts, stir for 30 years.

Taylor Swift posted an Instagram of herself earlier today standing in a line and pointing to a "Voters Entrance" sign. Since today is Election Day in the U.S., we can safely assume that means she's voting. But the question remains: who's she voting for? Well, if the fact that she's a woman doesn't answer that for you, her sweater might.

We can't see much of the sweater in the picture, other than the fact that the shoulders are missing. And in voter code, that means: Hillary Clinton! How do we know? Lena Dunham.

Three days ago, Clinton super-supporter Lena Dunham posted an Instagram of herself in a shoulderless black sweater, alongside a picture of Hillary Clinton from 1993, also wearing a shoulderless sweater (although Clinton's is a turtleneck). Dunham's caption for that post reads,

Headed to Denver to meet some of my favorite Nasty Women in support of @hillaryclinton! Let's do all we can in the days that remain. RN I'm paying tribute in my @lpathelabel cold shoulder sweater...

So there you have it. Clinton's female supporters are wearing shoulderless sweaters to show their support for Hillary Rodham Clinton. Now, no matter what you decide to wear, get out there and vote. Or, if you already have, stay home and crack open a bottle of wine (or several). Happy Election Day, everyone!

Election Day is a time for soul searching, and people on social media are asking #WTFAmericaIn5Words, trying to sum up our country's perplexing state of affairs in just five words. Here are 17 of the funniest examples:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

Welcome to your worst nightmare. Passengers on board a domestic Aeromexico flight on Sunday suddenly found themselves starring in a real life version of the 2006 classic Snakes on a Plane, when a 3-foot-long green snake was seen slithering out from behind an overhead luggage compartment.

This story is insane, so STRAP IN EVERYBODY.

Passenger Indalecio Medina caught the snake's first appearance on video, so we can all experience this hellscape together:

His tweet translates to: "The flying viper... hahaha... a unique experience on the Torreón-Mexico flight. That yes... is making a priority landing."

Everyone on this plane had either nerves of steal or a very strong prescription for Xanex, because they miraculously did not panic. “I was reading a magazine and the passenger next to me saw it and, ‘Oh my word!’” said Medina, according to The Guardian.“It was a frightening situation ... but people remained calm because it didn’t get out of that space and nobody became hysterical."

He said the snake eventually dropped to the floor, where several people trapped it in some blankets. The plane made an emergency landing in Mexico City 10 minutes later, and Aeromexico released a statement that they are "investigating" how the snake got on to the plane.

It's official: I'm never flying again unless Samuel L. Jackson is on board for snake protection.

It's Election Day in America. If you were busy either working at your adult job or waiting in line to vote, you might have missed out on today's internet gossip. Lucky for you, we've compiled a list of the day's biggest stories. And hey, if you're still in line to vote, you can read them while you wait! Maybe you can even share them with the people behind you! Community! Here's everything you missed today, November 8, 2016.

1. There's an internet conspiracy theory that Taylor Swift voted for Trump. (Via Bustle)

Using such damning evidence as "Katy Perry likes Clinton" and "Trump tweeted about Swift one time four years ago," the internet's resident crazy people are convinced that Swift is a secret Trump supporter.

2. The Trump campaign has already tried to file a lawsuit in Nevada claiming that polls were kept open too late during early voting. That was fast. (Via TheLA Times)

Because there was a big Latino voter turnout and Clinton is way ahead. (Totally rigged!) Don't worry, the district judge has already shut down his request. She was not nice about it.

3. American Crime Story's Sarah Paulson gave a dramatic reading of some of Clinton's emails. (Via US Weekly)

Paulson was on Full Frontal with Samantha Bee to give a rather amusing dramatic reading of Clinton's most mundane late night emails released by the FBI, including one where she asks what time Parks and Recreation and The Good Wife come on. Hill-dawg's gotta be up on her shows.

4. Finally, a sushi roll that will feed your whole family. (Via Thrillist)

Some folks at the Sushi Chef Institute in California created a huge monster of a sushi roll. Why? No one's quite sure what the exact reason is, but there's one thing we do know: Food that is bigger than it should be for no apparent reason is fun!

5. This is why American elections are always held on Tuesdays. (Via Mental Floss)

States used to be able to decide their own voting dates, so it was a freakin' free-for-all until Congress passed a law in 1845 mandating that elections be held on the Tuesday after the first Monday in November.

6. Disney World is going to have a holiday drone show this year. The future is now! (Via Hello Giggles)

The 2016 holiday show in Disney Springs (formerly known as Downtown Disney) is going to feature drones (or "Fixels," as Disney is calling them) that change colors and create festive shapes in the night sky. I very badly want to hate this, but the video actually looks pretty cool.

7. Rihanna won the award for Election Day's best T-shirt. (Via Mashable)

Rihanna's Election Day shirt featured a photo of herself wearing a different T-shirt with a photo of Hillary Clinton on it. It was T-shirt Inception, and it was awesome.

A Houston woman thinks Ivanka Trump is so beautiful that she spent $60K trying to get her face. Looks like Donald Trump isn't the only one who thinks Ivanka is the most perfect-looking woman in the world.

Tiffany Taylor, 33, told People that she began admiring Trump's spawn two years ago because, "she’s so beautiful, so classy, so elegant, and a mom.”

“I liked her classic features,” said Taylor, who is also a mother of three. “She has a lot of things that are really elegant and pretty on her face. She had her shoes and her lifestyle brand, and her blog inspired me."

The gas and oil consultant was so inspired that she decided to invest $60K in getting a lot of pretty things on her face, too.

In order to make herself as elegant as Ivanka, Taylor underwent "two breast augmentations, liposuction, cheek injections, a mini facelift, a mini eyelift, two nose jobs and an eye procedure to make them appear more open."

But where's the surgery that gives you a millionaire dad?

“I feel more refined and polished, and ready to conquer the business world,” says Taylor, who admits she doesn't looks exactly like Ivanka "Hot Piece Of Ass" Trump, but “like myself with features modeled after what she has.”

It makes sense for Taylor to attempt only a close approximation, because even Ivanka allegedly may have underwent surgery to look like Ivanka.

Donald Trump, the man who wants to be in charge of America, mixed up the words "county" and "country" on the very day that he could potentially be elected to run the latter. The GOP candidate has apparently regained control of his Twitter account (after it was confiscated for exactly this reason), because he tweeted this today:

Luckily, swarms of tweeters immediately jumped in to hilariously call him out on his error. Here are some of the best, snarky responses:

And, finally:

"IT'S CALLED LOSING."

Once again, in the battle of Trump vs. social media, Trump loses.

Need a little break from obsessively refreshing the latest polls and stress-eating? Luckily two genius filmmakers decided to remake the opening credits of Seinfeld, but featuring only hamsters. The video, which debuted today, is called Hamsterfeld and I think you will agree it perfectly captures the show right down to Kramer's hair.

Watch:

The actors—Jerry Hamsterfeld, Julia Louis-Hamster, Jason Alexhamster, and Michael Hamster—pretty much nailed it. The neurosis. The clumsy entrances. The constant snacking. The hamster playing Kramer delivers a particularly uncanny performance.

And the back story is inspiring: filmmakers Keith Hopkin and Laura Vitto of Mashable Watercooler actually rescued these hamsters from Westchester Rescued Hamster Haven. So not only are they cute and talented, but they are survivors! I hope they all win Emmy's.

Side note: I hope that Michael Hamster watches his mouth.

Election coverage has been dominating the airwaves all day, and one moment is really resonating with voters on both sides of this divisive presidential race. CNN interviewed an elderly couple in North Strabane Township, Pennsylvania, who disagreed about Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump… vocally.

They're actually inspiring. Although they're so divided about politics, they don't let it affect their love. "What're you gonna do?" should be the motto of a new spirit of compromise in America.

Let's just take a moment to enjoy this exchange:

We're living through history.