People have not been exactly lining up to perform at Donald Trump's inauguration on January 20th. There were rumors of Garth Brooks being open to it, and recently The New York Post reported that Andrea Bocelli has been personally approached by the President-elect. But it looks like not much is turning up for ol' Trumpster because now his team has reportedly resorted to bribing talent bookers.

According to TheWrap, at least two talent bookers have been offered "ambassadorships" if they were to lock in A-list names for the inauguration day show. Additionally, one said that in recent weeks he has been offered "cash or even plush diplomatic posts in exchange for locking in singers." Both bookers, who remained anonymous, declined the offers.

One of the insiders described the brief phone conversation: "“My first thought was, ‘Are you joking?' But no, it was serious.”

In a statement to TheWrap, Trump's Inaugural Committee denied the claims that they were offering any type of bribe, in a bizarre and robotic response:

“There is no truth to this insinuation,” said committee spokesman Boris Epshteyn. “First-class entertainers are eager to participate in the inaugural events. The inauguration as a whole will be an exciting and uniting celebration of freedom and democracy. We will be releasing further details at the appropriate time.”

Are they eager? Currently, the only singer who has actually agreed to perform during the event is a teen. Runner up on America's Got Talent, Jackie Evancho is a trained classical singer and will kick things off by singing the national anthem. Lucky for her she has the excuse that her prefrontal cortex is not yet fully developed. Unfortunately for her, she has no idea what she's getting herself into.

Who else could be tapped, as we close in on being just a month away from the high profile event? Well, if Kid Rock's dumb shirts count for anything, maybe he'll have some luck. And (please God no) maybe a troubled Kanye could show up. Not that I have any connections to A-list pop stars, nor am I a pop star myself, but please let it be known that I would never accept a bribe from this man or any of his minions.

Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte has announced that he and his Playboy model fiancée​ Kayla Rae Reid are expecting their first child. 2017 is already shaping up to be a better year than 2016 was for the shamed Olympian who suffered through a large part of this year with a terrible grey dye-job.

Lochte posted this picture of him kissing his headless baby mama on his Instagram with the caption "My Christmas gift came early this year, can't wait for next year! Best news I've ever received #CLOUD9#excited#family#love#2017" Check out those hashtags. Dude is pumped!

Mom-to-be Kayla Rae Reid also posted her own underwater picture of Ryan kissing her tiny bump. This kid is already destined to be a swimmer. Watch out, Boomer Phelps.

Locthe and Reid got engaged in October following the Rio Summer Olympics, where Lochte "over-exaggerated" (a.k.a. lied about) claims that he was robbed at gunpoint.

If this baby isn't born via water birth, I'll eat my hat.

It's terribly rude to reveal your salary, and pretty taboo to discuss money in general. But hey, Jimmy Kimmelwanted to tell you how much the Oscars will pay him to host in 2017, and so he did.

He's making $15,000.

"You know why?" Kimmel asked the hosts of KROQ's The Kevin & Bean Show, "I think it's illegal to pay nothing."

Depending on who you are, $15,000 is a lot of money, or not a lot of money. If you're Jimmy Kimmel, who makes a $10 millionsalary for his TV show, it's definitely not.

"I'm not sure I was supposed to reveal this," Kimmel told the radio show hosts, according to the Hollywood Reporter. "But nobody told me not to. I consider this their fault."

The hosts also wondered aloud whether Kimmel was making as much as, say, previous hosts Chris Rock and Billy Crystal.

"That's what they told me."

If you want a point of comparison, Chris Rock is making a reported $40 million for just two Netflix specials. If each special's an hour, that's $20 million per hour. Since the Oscars are about four hours, Kimmel's making less than $4,000 an hour.

When you put it that way—yeah, it still seems like a ton of money. Let's raise the minimum wage to Oscar host levels immediately.

Imgur user marlboroprincess and her husband of three years are tired of fielding questions from nosy family members about when they're going to reproduce. To curb the relentless prodding, she decided to troll her loved ones with a fake pregnancy announcement with a little help from her dog, Leelu.

My husband and I have been married 3 years and everyone is bugging us about having a baby. Close enough right?

Congrats! It's an adorable pile of fluff!

Commenters commiserated with OP's plight, many of them sharing their own experiences about being pressured to have kids. "My baby was less than a week old when people starting bugging us about having a second child," wrote one user. "I'm 26 and my family has decided this year to exclude me from Christmas til I 'have a family.' Jokes on them, I've already got 2 dogs," said another.

Damn, people lay off. It's a freaking lifelong emotional and financial commitment, for goodness sake. Besides, not every woman wants to have kids. Some just want to have puppies.

Now that's a cute baby.

Chrissy Teigen took her baby daughter Luna to meet Santa recently. She posted photos of Luna's visit to the North Pole on social media on Wednesday. We have to say, they're pretty gosh darn cute. Teigen's husband John Legend was out of town, but don't worry. That didn't excuse him from the family North Pole photos. We'll get there in a second. First, look at these cute baby pics!

Unfortunately, John Legend was in Paris and was unable to attend Luna's visit with Santa. Luckily, Teigen came up with a way to include Legend in the family photo.

Yep. Chrissy Teigen had someone hold up a John Legend mask so that he could be in the family Santa photo. Truly hilarious. I hope that photo is framed and hung in their house for years to come. After all, the holidays are all about being with family, even if you need a weird mask of your family members' faces to make that happen.

Mary Kate Heys, a 20-year-old British woman, recently lived ahorror movie nightmare on a backpacking trip through Australia in early December. Thankfully, the story has a happy ending—Heys is fine. But for hours she found herself in serious trouble at the hands of a man claiming to be "half alien, half human."

Heys met the fellow backpacker at a hostel, where she thought the Swedish 23-year-old seemed completely normal. According to the Daily Mail, they became friends over a couple weeks. But when he asked her: "Do you want to go on the adventure of your lifetime," Heys started to notice some glaring warning signs.

"His eyes were really wide," she told NBC News in the video above. He had "psychotic eyes."

Nonetheless, Heys was already on a trip with this man. They had agreed to a short trip to Brisbane, but he soon told her they were "actually going to Cairns," an 18-hour drive away.

"And he said, 'I'm gonna say something that might alarm you. But I'm gonna say it in the best way I can.' He said, 'I'm half alien, half human.'"

Her reaction was to say something like, "Right, ok." But he spoke with "such such passion that I actually kind of believed him."

She didn't really, though.

He continued to rant about being an alien, telling Heys that she was an extraterrestrial, too.

"You're the one, you're the same as me, you're the one I've been looking for."

"And he said 'grab my hand.' So I grabbed his hand... And he said, 'Can you feel it?' I was like, 'no.' And he said you'll feel a warmth, soon you'll feel a switch come on inside you and you'll be exactly the same as me."

As all this took place in the man's car, he reportedly wouldn't let her leave his vehicle. So Heys did what anyone would have done in that scary situation—she texted her dad. Her father was able to share her location with the Australian police, and after a harrowing two and a half hours, according to Heys, they finally forced the car to pull over.

"I just leapt out of the car and ran over to the police and I couldn't let him go of the policeman like I was in some weird shock. I was crying and shaking."

Watch Heys' full account in the video, above.

Lorraine Burnett of Dunfermline, Scotland, bought herself a nice new pair of five-inch heels for a party in 2008. Considering they weren't everyday shoes, she was willing to sacrifice comfort for style, so she wasn't surprised when she noticed a blister on her left foot the next day: "Being a carer, I knew what I needed to do – just clean it and dress it."

But it didn't go away. And after a week, it had become so painful that she had difficulty walking. Doctors prescribed her antibiotics, but nothing helped. Burnett has type two diabetes—she was diagnosed after her daughter was born 16 years ago. With her ability to fight infections compromised, her leg became worse and worse. “I’d had infection after infection so medics said they would debride the wound, by removing the contaminated skin,” she said. The constant pain and treatment even forced her to cut down on her hours at work.

After years of poor results, her doctors presented her with a terrible choice. She could continue to live as she was, and treat recurring infections for the rest of her life, or she could have her left leg removed below the knee. In November 2010, she underwent the five-hour amputation procedure.

Although the amputation allowed Burnett to avoid many further infections, her problems have not ended. Unable to walk, she was forced to quit her job and move back in with her family. Her social life was over: “I’d gone from someone who liked to go out all the time - a real party girl who enjoyed the good life – to pretty completely housebound.”

Her kidney function has suffered, and she is now on dialysis. What's more, her prosthetic leg is a heavy, uncomfortable model issued by the UK's National Health Service. It causes her stump to suffer painful ulcers that have occasionally become infected—one of those infections cause her to be put into an induced coma in 2014.

But there is home for Lorraine Burnett. For the first time, she's speaking out, and her family is there to support her. Her aunt, Elaine Beveridge, has started a gofundme campaign to raise £9,094 for a much better prosthetic leg. This would give Burnett more mobility and independence. Beveridge writes:

It pains me to watch my niece struggle through life with her brave face and independant [sic] nature, oh and not forgetting the awful heavy leg that she never complains about.

And so far, the campaign has been a success. They're nearly halfway to their goal. If you'd like to contribute, visit Beveridge's gofundme page. And please, take care of yourself.

Former reality star and future United States President Donald Trump loves television. In fact, the President-elect announced that he will continue producing TV shows in his "free time" while in office, essentially proving that he has no idea what being President actually entails. So we will soon have Trump produced media, Trump buildings, a Trump-led government, and Trump brand clothing in stores...getting scared yet?

The only thing Trump seems to love more than TV is Twitter, so it is only fitting that the hashtag #TrumpTelevisionShows was born to come up with some creative Trump-ified titles of shows you would probably never want to watch. Here are the 20 funniest.

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Emma Tapping is a UK-based blogger and mom of three. "The boss mum" usually writes about saving money and getting deals.

But around Christmas 2015, Tappingwent viral for the dreaded "wrong reasons."

A truly shocking photo of the present-mountain under her Christmas tree attracted attention people who said she was spoiling her kids.

Some even accused her of "abuse," which is pretty baffling, but not really, because it's the internet and terrible accusations are thrown around all the time and made meaningless.

The viral Christmas tree photo from 2015 that some pointed to as evidence of 'abuse.'

Her photo was posted by a meme page, where it went viral.

This year, Tapping admits"I do go overboard at Christmas, definitely."

Now take a look at Tapping's 2016 Christmas tree, and try to figure out if she cares at all what people on the internet say about her.

"Another year of hard graft," wrote Tapping, "Saving and planning. Another year of my family making me proud everyday. They deserve a great Christmas. The haters will hate but nothing and no one will change how I do Christmas."

According to the Sun, she's upped the ante of presents from 300 last year, to 350 this year. The cost comes to about £2,000 (about $2,500), and it seems like a pretty fun way to tell the internet you could care less about a dank meme.

Of her Mount Everest of gifts, Tapping joked, "It's a bit like Jenga — if you pull the wrong one out you might lose a child for a few hours."

Tapping and family are also turning this kind of excess into a brand, as they'll reportedly star in a Channel 5 documentary called Xmas Excess: Parents Splash The Cash.

Mo' money, mo' presents.

With Tinder all about first impressions and snap judgments, a person's name carries a lot of weight, in addition to their duckface and/or abs.

The hookup dating app released the stats on the most right-swiped names of 2016, and it looks like people have a thing for names that align with famous characters and celebrities.

For the women, swipers also favor popular names as seen on TV, with Hannah (Girls!), Emma (Stone! Watson!), and Lauren (The Hills! Graham!) taking the gold, silver, and bronze.

And the winners are:

1. Hannah

2. Emma

3. Lauren

4. Julia

5. Emily

6. Rachel

7. Samantha

8. Katie

9. Anna

10. Sara

For the dudes, the top three names are Lucas (Star Wars AND Gilmore Girls), Ryan (Gosling! Reynolds!) and Matthew (Matt, if ya nasty).

Here are the top ten:

1. Lucas

2. Ryan

3. Matthew

4. Nick

5. Josh

6. Brandon

7. Justin

8. Ben

9. Adam

10. Andrew

As Metro UK points out, the popular names on Tinder in 2016 align with the popular names for babies between 1984 and 1994, reflecting the age of the app's users according to the Office for National Statistics's historical data.

No surprise that Hillary and Donald did not crack the top ten in 2016. But in all likelihood, Hillary is more popular even if Donald gets more matches

Online dating can really suck, as made evident by the hundreds of horror stories that comes from Tinder/Bumble/eHarmony dates. But sometimes a connection can turn catastrophic before two prospective lovebirds even meet up in person. That's exactly what happened to New York City sommelier Elana Abt, who shared screen grabs of her text conversation with a guy from Tinder exclusively with Someecards.

Recently, Abt matched with a man on Tinder who claimed to be a pediatric ER doctor and says he loves wine. Seems like a total catch, right? The suitor even sent Elana a picture of a bottle of Malbec, a wine that Abt remarked is very popular nowadays.

Alas, that is when the conversation turned to sour grapes.

Woah, that got awkward really fast—hostile, even. Despite the snafu, Abt tried to steer the conversation back on course.

As a note, the gentleman is referring to the 2008 movie Bottle Shock, which is not a documentary and stars Chris Pine and Alan Rickman. Elana has seen this movie. She is familiar. She does not need the cast reiterated to her. But this was only an appetizer of mansplaining for the three course meal this dude is about to serve up.

Here's where things start to spiral.

Well, at least he can admit it? At this point, Abt tells Someecards that she is beyond done having this conversation, but her Tinder match still has an earful for her ... even after he promises to shut up.

WHAT? She already doesn't like you!

But it gets worse, because these things always do.

At that point, the "conversation," like any hope of these two having a relationship, has died. Somehow the mansplainer could not pick up on the extremely heavy-handed hints that Abt employed to get him to shut up, so she eventually stopped answering.

Of course, he couldn't leave the conversation without assigning Abt a little condescending homework first, so at least he is staying on-brand.

Her radio silence eventually got through to the guy, Abt told Someecards, and he later un-matched with her in Tinder. She is not upset about his decision in the slightest.

This dude totally would have driven Abt to drink ... if only it weren't already her job to drink.

Christmas is almost upon us, which means we've all been watching our favorite holiday movies on repeat for nearly a month now. We all have our own very strong opinions on what the best holiday movie is. (Cough, Christmas Vacation, cough. Sorry. There was something in my throat.) Now there's a way to find out if the good people of your home state share your love of your favorite festive flick.

CableTV.com recently released a map of the most popular holiday movies in each state. They created their map by cross-referencing AMC's list of Top 20 Christmas Movies (which were voted on by the public) with Google Trends data from the past decade to figure out which holiday movie was the most popular in each state.

(Try not to get mad at the states that chose The Nightmare Before Christmas, which we all know is a Halloween movie. Yeah, looking at you California.)

Here's the full list of each state's favorite holiday movie:

ALABAMA: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)

ALASKA: Miracle on 34th Street (1947)

ARIZONA: The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

ARKANSAS: It's A Wonderful Life (1946)

CALIFORNIA: The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

COLORADO: Scrooged (1988)

CONNECTICUT: Christmas In Connecticut (1945)

DELAWARE: Miracle on 34th Street (1947)

DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA: Home Alone (1990)

FLORIDA: Home Alone (1990)

GEORGIA: Home Alone (1990)

HAWAII: Scrooged (1988)

IDAHO: The Santa Clause (1994)

ILLINOIS: Home Alone (1990)

INDIANA: It's a Wonderful Life (1946)

IOWA: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)

KANSAS: It's a Wonderful Life (1946)

KENTUCKY: A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)

LOUISIANA: Home Alone (1990)

MAINE: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964)

MARYLAND: Miracle on 34th Street (1947)

MASSACHUSETTS: Elf (2003)

MICHIGAN: Elf (2003)

MINNESOTA: Home Alone (1990)

MISSISSIPPI: How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

MISSOURI: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)

MONTANA: Frosty the Snowman (1969)

NEBRASKA: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)

NEVADA: The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

NEW HAMPSHIRE: Scrooged (1988)

NEW JERSEY: Elf (2003)

NEW MEXICO: The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

NEW YORK: It's a Wonderful Life (1946)

NORTH CAROLINA: A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)

NORTH DAKOTA: Home Alone (1990)

OHIO: Elf (2003)

OKLAHOMA: Elf (2003)

OREGON: Home Alone (1990)

PENNSYLVANIA: Elf (2003)

RHODE ISLAND: Elf (2003)

SOUTH CAROLINA: A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)

SOUTH DAKOTA: A Christmas Carol (1984)

TENNESSEE: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)

TEXAS: Home Alone (1990)

UTAH: A Christmas Story (1983)

VERMONT: White Christmas (1954)

VIRGINIA: Home Alone (1990)

WASHINGTON: Scrooged (1988)

WEST VIRGINIA: Bad Santa (2003)

WISCONSIN: Elf (2003)

WYOMING: How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1965)

Kim Kardashian is slowly reentering public life after a prolonged hiatus, caused by the double traumas of her horrific Paris robbery, and her husband Kanye West's total meltdown. The Keeping Up with the Kardashians star has been through a lot in the past year, and even some of her harshest critics are starting to give her a break. (Just kidding, they're slut shaming her more than ever. Real classy.)

But this week, Kardashian took a big step toward regaining her former life, by updating her social media. On Tuesday, the official Kimoji Instagram account uploaded this very on-brand video of a scantily-clad butt twerking in slow motion.

Then hours later, and even more mysterious image appeared.

Whose butt is that? Whose boobs? Kim? Kylie? It can't be the same person, unless she's one hell of a contortionist.

And the updates didn't stop there.

Although it's safe to assume at least some of those body parts belong to Kim Kardashian, there's no way to know for sure. And the cryptic "DECEMBER 16" caption on all the posts doesn't explain much either. Could a big update be coming to Kimoji on Friday? Yes, that's probably it.

It's nice to know that the tragedies in her life haven't made Ms. Kardashian start fearing the inevitable onslaught of haters who want her body to stay off the internet. She's still more than willing to promote her custom emojis with her own curves, and we're 100% sincere when we say we're behind that.

While the news in 2016 has been bleak—from the Grim Reaper seizing celebrities and democracies—local newscasters across the world has provided a glimmer of light with Freudian slips and accidental penises.

The best news bloopers of 2016 come with many important lessons: It turns out it ain't ideal to tell a coworker on air that a frisky dog "is the most action [she's] had in months," and that giraffes are really attracted to ladies' bosoms.

We open with "check your panties," and it only gets better from there.

Here's to more charming televised screwups in 2017!

We've watched Dr. Sandra "Pimple Popper" Lee remove plenty of lipomas from her patients. These benign, fatty lumps are always a blast to see pop out, whether they appear on the arm, the back, the arm, the back, or the butt. But as far as we can remember, this is the first one we've seen popped out of the back of a man's head. Not only that, it's a beefy one. But the weirdness of the circumstance just makes the moment it erupts all the more satisfying.

Skip to 4:53 if all you want to see is the climax.

Dr. Lee uploads videos almost every day, so it's nice to see she can still surprise us. She's such a treasure.

The weather outside is getting downright frightful (seriously, it's so cold out today). Before we know it, the holidays will be over, we'll be in the dark depths of winter, and we'll start spending all our free time curled up on the couch binge-watchingNetflix.

Lucky for us, Netflix just released its list of the new shows and movies that are coming in January. And let me tell you, there are some good ones. If you weren't already excited for the garbage fire that was 2016 to be over, maybe the fact that you'll be able to stream Never Say Never (yes, the Justin Bieber documentary) in the New Year will do it.

Netflix even put the list of what's coming in a fun video this time!

In case you'd rather read the list than watch the video (NERD! JK, JK), here's the full list of everything that Netflix has coming in January:

January 1, 2017

Caddyshack

Braveheart

Boogie Nights

The Shining

V for Vendetta

Vanilla Sky

HALO Legends

Bee Movie

Hugo

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never

The Parent Trap

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial

Ocean's Twelve

Superman Returns

Superman II

Superman III

Superman IV: The Quest for Peace

Superman: The Movie

Around the World in 80 Days

Collateral Damage

Dreamcatcher

El Dorado

License to Drive

Nancy Drew

January 3, 2017

Degrassi: Next Class— Season 3

Jen Kirkman: Just Keep Livin'?

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia— Season 11

January 6, 2017

One Day at a Time— Season 1

Tarzan and Jane— Season 1

Coin Heist

January 7, 2017

Alpha and Omega 7

Under the Shadow

January 9, 2017

Best and Most Beautiful Things

Ratchet and Clank

January 10, 2017

Jim Gaffigan: Cinco

We're Lalaloopsy— Season 1

As I Open My Eyes

Best Friends Whenever— Season 2

Happily Married

Theo Who Lived

January 11, 2017

Disney’s Alice Through the Looking Glass

January 13, 2017

A Series of Unfortunate Events— Season 1

Clinical

It Follows

Aquarius

January 14, 2017

Camp X-Ray

Cardboard Boxer

January 15, 2017

A Beautiful Now

Hostage to the Devil

Pocoyo— Seasons 1–2

Señora Acero— Season 3

The Similars

Twisted Trunk, Big Fat BodyWartime Portraits— Season 1

January 16, 2017

Flash of Genius

Halloweed

Rezort

January 17, 2017

Neal Brennan: 3 Mics

Fatima

Ixcanul

Roger Corman's Death Race 2050

January 19, 2017

Friday Night Tykes— Season 3

Good Kids

Imprisoned

January 20, 2017

Voltron: Legendary Defender— Season 2

Take the 10

Frontier— Season 1

Papa

January 21, 2017

Bates Motel— Season 4

January 24, 2017

Cristela Alonzo: Lower Classy

Gad Gone Wild

Hieronymus Bosch: Touched by the Devil

Kill Command

January 27, 2017

Home: Adventures with Tip & Oh— Season 2

Kazoops!— Season 2

January 28, 2017

Ripper Street— Season 4

Mom, Tommy Made a Dinosaur

January 30, 2017

Antibirth

Swing State

January 31, 2017

Bill Burr Stand Up Special

Sharknado: The 4th Awakens