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People who really should have checked the background of their photos before putting them online.

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But when I say it's just the pants making it look that way, no one believes me.

Dildos. Tampons. Grandparents. Butts. What do these things have in common? They are often in the backgrounds of photos taken by people who leave their dildos, tampons, old people and naked butts out so often they didn't even notice that they were there. As more and more of our lives are captured in photos and videos, the risk of our embarrassing personal items/body parts continues to rise, until finally we'll be forced to hide all of our embarrassing things before we turn on our devices every morning because the world is one giant webcam. On the other hand, it won't be all bad because we'll get to look at everyone else's embarrasing stuff. Like these folks:


Consider it a preview of everything before potty training is done.


I can't tell if he's being dangled or retrieved.


Say what you will, this kid will grow up to be great on social media. 


All the ladies are wearing them at the Kentucky Derby these days.


Technically that's in the foreground, but it started in the background, and they
really should have checked.

Updated 6/6/14:


I hope they checked the caliber of his diaper before doing that.
(via)

To be fair, this guy is kind of a dick for making this photo all about him. (via)

Man, there's just boobs coming out of the woodworks these days. (via)

5 minutes later he walked by again. And then 5 minutes after that. And so on.(via)

Bonus TV background checks:="text-align:>

Raising the bar, dude. Raising the bar.

Not technically uploaded online, but someone should have cut away here. (via)

Updated 5/5/14:


Selfies really do reveal a lot more about you than you intend. (via)


I guess they got two copies so their kids can watch a dvd that's never been seen by
someone smoking a crack pipe. 
(via)


A great part of traveling is seeing how other people behave on the beach.(via)
 


Son, you'll always remember when I took your picture tonight in my tighty-whiteys. (via)
 


I'm more interested in meeting the people behind you and to the left. (via)
 


Someone has really thought of everything for tonight, not even including the Miller High Lifes,
clothes hangers and remotes.
(via
 


That's a cute top. That, on the other hand, is a horrifying bottom. (via)

Updated 4/2/14:


Just a long, curved toothbrush holder in case she needs to freshen up at the dance. (via)
 


She should've checked her background in real life, as well.(via)
 


Ah. The romance of what is hopefully Europe.(via)
 


Either way, these two are exhibiting great teamwork.(via)
 


Sweater made me think bowling alley, but now I'm more worried 'cuz it looks like Denny's.
(via)


I'm more concerned about that old dude barging in like that. 
(via)
 


Apparently, the person who posted this had it on their fridge for years before noticing.
(via)
 

Updated 3/5/14:


Small and available beats huge and nonexistant. (via)
 


Sometimes even white linen suits could stand to be a little breezier. (via)
 


This is a brief way of summing up college. (via)
 


In case you ever wondered what happened to the guy who built a 6-foot bong in college. (via)
 


Road Rassh. (via) 
 


Someone's nephew wanted to share his video game stats.  He also shared his love of
beautiful, sensual women who love the same thing. Also, he is not TechnoViking.
(via)

Updated 1/07/14:


If you turn the picture upside down, you can see the same shape between the glasses. (via)
 


Goodbye University, Hello Unemployableness! (via)
 


I can't believe this creep is wearing sunglasses indoors. (via)
 


It turns out Christians find cows holy after all.
(via)
 


We must all be on the lookout for small men riding our family members. (via)
 


Yeah, you're probably not going to have 147 updates anymore once this gets out. (via)

Updated 11/18/13:


The ass is coming from inside the house.
 


Can we talk about the angle of that woman's arm? Definitely more disturbing than the coke.
 


I now realize all my friends' annoying gym statuses could be a lot worse.

 


And why shouldn't Grandma be proud? Those muscles are made of her cooking.

 


Only in New York! Or, wherever this is. Only in wherever, am I right?

 


The really weird thing? It's not a mirror, it's a window! DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN.

Updated 10/14/13:


I don't care if she is a little tall, young lady, you do not call a giraffe your grandma.
 


I assume we're all laughing at his Wall of Hats.
 


Oh my god, are those Uggs back there? That is revolting.
 


I'm pretty sure that man just successfully shoplifted some produce in his pants.

 


Can we talk about how wearing sunglasses is already like blurring your eyes?
 


More like the cat should have checked the foreground of his picture, am I right?

Updated 9/12/13:


Oh, hello Robin Thicke. Is sliding fingers up not-your-wife's butt a blurred line?
 


Why does he think people on the subway want to see that shade of blue?
 


There are times I'm glad the zoom technolgies on CSI are impossible.
 


The pre-show was them making violent threats from the casting couch.
 


Who just leaves bottled water out in the open like that?

Updated 8/09/13:


It's like a Calvin and Hobbes sticker come to life.
 


These bees have weird stingers. 
 


Could it be more disturbing? Try to rule out the possibility that it's a dead deer. See?
 


That is not a ladies' room, and suddenly the whole world is in question.

 


No wonder that man in the back doesn't need to care what he looks like.

 


I'm pretty sure the Wizard is in there too, but I can't find him!

Updated 7/18/13:


Good question, person who inserted that arrow. Who needs that much generic Immodium?
 


I guess the guy in the background is grabbing the gun in his underwear.
 


The dress says a night out. The item on the dresser suggests otherwise.
 


Granted, modesty doesn't seem to be the theme of whatever show they're prepping.

 


Ah, 2007. An more innocent time when people just let their dildos hang out wherever.
 


Folow-up question: his ball, where is it? 

Updated 6/21/13:


They're like cleavage twins, except one of the twins is way less attractive.
 


Those kangaroos took the only shot they had at making a sex tape involving Paris Hilton.
 


That woman is riding a mechanical bull, FYI, not receiving oral sex from Satan.
 


The fourth leg of any good triathalon involves a marathon ball-scratching session.
 


We understand, rocker lady. Bassists never get the groupies.
 


It's unclear whether or not he's peeing, but he's clearly not in the bathroom.

Updated 5/23/13:


What makes this exponentially worse is he was being interviewed about the Boston bombing.


Why are his shades pixelated but not his ass in the mirror?

 

"And in the back, you can see James doing his pre-workout cleanse." (pause at 00:21)
 


Love and marriage, love and marriage, they go together like a baby and dru-ugs.
 


Is that the same pink dildo the Boston guy had?

 


Guess there's more than one stuffed animal in this house. HEY-O. Sorry.

 


Maybe instead of Facebook you should upload this to, we don't know, the police?

 


We're glad everything cleared up in time for you.
 


It is not a nice day for a white wedding.

 


No, Mitch. We all lost, thanks to you.


5 people having a worse Monday than you.

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5. NFL and MLB player Johnny Manziel, for getting almost-caught snorting "the drugs."

You've got to have a lot of energy to get drafted by both the Cleveland Browns as a quarterback and the San Diego Padres as a shortstop in the same year, but "Football Johnny" Manziel did just that in 2014. Where does all that energy come from? Well, according to a photo that made the rounds this weekend showing Manziel suspiciously rolling up a $20 bill in a Vegas bathroom, it may not all come from eating healthy and staying positive.


(via Getty)

4. Any anti-gay activists who are still capable of listening to science.

If you believe homosexuality is causing the decline of our civilization, you're probably not easily swayed by news stories starting out with the phrase "Scientists have announced..." If you still believe in empirical evidence, however, you'd probably be pretty bummed to hear that the children of same-sex parents were found to be as well-adjusted as the children of heterosexual parents, if not more so. It's almost like love is the important thing in parenting, and also that gay couples don't accidentally have kids they're not prepared for—and by "almost like," I mean "is."

3. The (former) deputy sheriff who let a murderer escape after taking him out of jail to watch fireworks.

I'm not an expert on keeping people in jail, but I think taking them outside of the prison is kind of a no-no. On top of that, taking them outside at night while there are loud explosions that can mask the sound of an escape is, I think, a bad idea. Finally, I doubt the wisdom of combining those things with the phrase "Happy Independence Day!" One man would disagree with me, though: the now-fired deputy sheriff from the Shannon County Jail in Eminence, MO. The deputy was tasked with guarding Jason McClurg, a man convicted of killing his wife with a toxic drink he convinced her was made by their toddler. McClurg predictably escaped while the fireworks were going off, although he was was apprehended again after being on the run all weekend. The deputy sheriff who lost him, however, is more independent than ever.

2. This creep who wanted to get a jump on the next generation of porn stars.

34-year-old Aaron Gimbert was arrested this weekend at the Alameda County Fair in California for trying to solicit underage girls to do porn...as soon as they turned of age. Gimbert was dressed as a County Fair employee, although representatives for the Fair denied that he was on their staff and insisted they do thorough background checks on everyone. Sheriffs described the arrest as a "sting," although what actually led to his arrest was his handing a business card for "Big Pimpin Inc" to a 16-year-old, appropriately named Justice. "He like asked if I was 18 and I was like no I'm 16, and he kind of thought about it, and he was like call me when you turn 18," said Justice. Gimbert was arrested for solicitation, a charge that will be hard to fight with a business named "Big Pimpin Inc."



(via CBS Chicago)

1. The Law-Abiding Citizens Of Chicago.

What did you do this weekend? Grill? Watch fireworks? For at least 82 Chicagoans, that answer was "getting shot." A horrifying spasm of violence gripped the Windy City this weekend, killing 14, including two teenagers shot by police. It's long been known that violence surges in the heat, but with 30 shootings happening between 2:30pm Sunday afternoon and 3:30am Monday morning, something weird was happening in Chicago. What's even weirder is that this took place against a backdrop of an overall reduction in killings from last year.

(by Johnny McNulty)

6 new contenders for the single most enjoyable note ever written by a coworker.

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Episode VIII: The Cubicle Menace. (via)

Adults are basically just children who've grown fat, watched their dreams die, and learned to shrink from confrontation. So it follows that the modern workplace is just as petty and territorial as your typical elementary school playground, except there's a lot less spitting and hair-pulling, and a lot more bitchy note-writing. The most successful workplace notes strive to entertain just as much as they impolitely advise and chastise, and the notes collected here are some of the best of the medium. 

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Caution: Faint while using the urinal and you'll never hear the end of it.(via)



Gas station spelling error. It's supposed to say "Pimp 6."(via)



For Rachel's sake, I hope she's leaving.(via)



Asking for trouble in a mostly female office.(via)



"Wide awake... staring at this blank screen." (via)

Updated 7.08.14


Who do I see about getting a glass of milk?(via)



That is one low bar for "nice things."(via)



Keep it up and the printer will outlast you.(via)



"Thanks for reminding me.. to let it gooooo!"(via)


Don't encourage them!(via)

 Never forget 5.05.14 (via)

Updated 6.10.14

"I'd actually prefer to speak with your commanding officer." (via)

So you're saying it's organic? (via)



Someone's making this way too complicated. (via)



Time to strat over. (via)



Saying goodbye with cat litter box cake.(via)


"Oh my God! I'm spilling my coffee everywhere!"(via)


Thanks! How about an aisle traffic report? (via)


And productivity is down.(via)

 


This must not be the first time the pot was left empty.(via)

 


"Yes! I can do this!"(via)

 


This is the storyboard for Taken 9: Office Hijinks.(via)

 


Two weeks later I bet it's still sitting there. (via)
 

Updated 4/16/14


"You mean the one with the reindeers and all the fingerprints?" (via)

 


Also good for sending passive aggressive messages to grimy coworkers.(via)

 


Whether it's toilet seats or soup, no one likes a cold bowl.(via)

 


As an optimist, I'm guessing cupcake.(via)

 


One is obviously for the personal use of the genius who wrote the note. (via
 


Ew! He didn't even lift up the seat! (via)

 


Coffee burn!(via)

 


Lee should report Steve's "XO" to HR. (via)

 


As an optimist, I see the sink as half-empty.(via)

 


It's "demasiado," dum-mas. (via)

 


Every picture tells a story. This one looks disgusting. (via)

 


I guess "please flush" wasn't doing the trick.(via)

 

Updated 2/10/14:


Please make sure your kitchen notes adhere to AP style, thx. (Via)

 


Easier than trying to figure out what that little icon on the tray is supposed to mean.(Via)

 


Fine, we'll pass the time by touching each other.(Via)

 


Betting those messy dishes are less unsightly than a wall full of memes.(Via)

 


Of course she did. Even expired Rolos are still better than non-expired everything else. (Via)

 


Well, Luke, thanks for all the hours you've logged. (Via)

 

Updated 11/19/13:


All is forgiven, Lee. Easy on the sprinkles next time. This isn't kindergarten. (Via)

 


Printers don't have mothers. They burst forth from hell and land directly on Best Buy shelves.(Via)

 


They need to stop hiring out-of-work wizards onto the cleaning staff.(Via)  

 


Darcy might have an eating disorder. Or he needs a raise. (Via)

 


Bet they have to put up a new sign come January.(Via)

 


I'd never complain about meetings running long if they were run by Bussiness Cat. (Via)

 

Update 10/16/13:


Still doesn't look secure. He should have put the filing cabinet on top of it for weight.

 



Guess some people like to make signs at the urinal instead of conversation.

 


A pen so awesome it will make you racist against yourself.

 


A delicious treat and it makes you regular? Sign us up!

 


Don't fall for the sign. They eat donuts really awkwardly too.

 


I like this office. They don't mess around.

Updated 9/19/13:


...and coffee is the only thing that puts us back together.

 


She went out of her way to make such a nice sign. She porbably appreciates the notes.

 


Probably a restaurant. Anyone with a special "pasta fridge" in their office has no right to be angry.

 


No, honey, I haven't been kissing anyone. I've just been stealing food.

 


Did she spell "highness" wrong? Or "You're"?

 


Worst. Day care center. Ever.

 

Updated 8/20/13:


I'd brew me. I'd brew me so hard.

 


Offices shouldn't be telling us how to love!

 


Open casket. It woud have wanted it that way.

 


The signs are breeding.

 


Say yes indeed to weed.

 


They really need to clean that vending room if it's got a groundhog problem.

 

Updated 7/24/13:


Alert. Pointless Signs!

 


If you'd taught the kitten to attack, the Tupperware thief would have been dead already.

 


Hopefully our time machines will be more reliable than our copy machines.

 


We all have our signature style.

 


The TL;DR version of the above.

 


Speak for yourself. My nickels give me balance.

 

Updated 6/27/13:


Physician, heal thyself.

 


You've got to really love stealing office equipment if you're taking the drains.

 


We'd risk our job for half an oreo.

 


Side-note: Keurig coffeee is always horrible. We'd quit if they started making us use those K-cups.

 


So medium-sized poos are cool?

 


If you know the author of this sign, withold your love from them. They are undeserving of love.

 

Updated 5/31/13:

 


Thanks for the choices! We'll take option B.

 



This is why we don't let our utensils date.

 


Follow the old ladies. They know where the comfier chairs are.

 


Or just burst in. It's adorable watching them scurry under their desks.

 


But we took the red pill! You have no choice when you work in an office.

 

Updated 4/11/13:


You mean besides cut-up chickens, pigs, cows, and probably horses if this is Europe?

 


"Pardon me, I was just wondering where I could get one of those signs!"
 


Some people give a shit; others take them without warning during the work day.
 


Office communications are so much clearer when there's clearly no HR.
 


Sounds like a cheesy cheddar challenge! ...aaaand there's a fire.
 


That chair wanted to hold the ass of a big start-up entrepeneur, but she got an IT guy.

Updated 3/11/13:


This is why we microchipped all our pens. Too many sickos out there.
 


Memes: The best passive-aggressive retort there is.

 


Maybe we should all just switch to "Ur" for everything and stop embarrassing ourselves.

 


I'm sorry. Your husband didn't put a lid on his reheated pasta. Now you have to pay.

 


He might have fun. He might also discover who he was meant to be.

 


This note is also works great when you put it on the office door of your least favorite coworker.

 

Updated 1/28/13:


When will Serge and Wendall stop this bickering and realize they're in love...with pee?

 


Please try to achieve the level of joylessness that's expected of you.

 


The plate kidnapped itself, Lebowski. It owed crumbs all over town.

 


We were going to drop some M-80s down its drain, but the sledgehammer sounds fun too.

 


If our workplace instituted this rule we'd strike.

 


The zombie thing is cute, but does the original sign mean you could really lose your job for eating someone's hot pocket?

 

Updated 12/10/12:


That stuff really works, btw. We can steal Karen's yogurt whenever we want now!

 


It's worth the $18/hour. Sandra is an absolutely scintillating conversationalist. You'll weep.

 


That drain sucks!

 


They still don't know who shot that room.

 


Matt doesn't have a whole lot going on for himself right now.

 


These facility repairs will be seen as cheesy at first, but will attain a cult status when they hit video.

 


Fran will devote the rest of her days to making you shit too much.

 

Updated 10/10/12:


"Did you see Homeland last night? It made me reflect on Plato's Cave and ideal forms." 

 


The prophet Isiah said one day a female Messiah shall deliver women from Aunt Flo.
 


Dietary harassment is a growing problem in the modern, fat workforce.

 


That mug is the reason local news now shows Ceramic Alerts.
 


Something tells us that guy likes to push everyone's buttons a lot.

 


After all, if you don't throw out the box, no one else can put in food to steal.

 


That lack of self-control also applies to resisting the urge to write passive-agressive notes.

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Clear eyes, full hair.

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - July 8, 2014

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1. The Hottest New Craze: Taking A Picture Of Yourself Risking Human Lives At The Tour De France

Fueled in equal measures by excessive narcissism and an apparent desire to make long-distance bicycle riding somewhat interesting, people have been going crazy taking Tour de France selfies. In case that needs clarification, that's pictures of themselves at a sporting event in which they are not active participants. All this to the extreme annoyance of the cyclists, who seem to to have their hands pretty full racing from France to Britain without also having to dodge self-obsessed idiots playing with their iPhones.


2. Ingrate Audience Members Unable To Appreciate Unparalled Genius Of Kanye West's 20-Minute Stream-Of-Consciousness Monologues

Kanye West was booed by two separate audiences in London over the weekend after all of those unappreciative dummies failed to grasp the transformative brilliance that was the hip-hop mogul's long diatribes about how nobody appreciates him. "I'm not going to mention any names but... Nike, Louis Vuitton, and Gucci. Don't discriminate against me 'cause I'm a black man making music," West demanded at one point.


3. Has America's Cupcake Bubble Finally Burst?

America's love affair with overpriced, super-fancy novelty baked goods appears to have finally come to its inevitable end. The New York-based Crumbs Bake Shop—famous for its decadently okay-enough cupcakes—announced yesterday that it would be shuttering all of its stores by the end of the day. Today, heartbroken consumers will simply have to indulge their sweet teeth by purchasing reasonably priced pastries pretty much anywhere else. 


4. Oklahoma Satanists Achieve Goal Of Annoying Easily Annoyed Christians

The Oklahoma City mayor's office has reportedly received hundreds of irate emails and phone calls over an unholy black mass that is scheduled to be held in the basement of the city's Civic Center this upcoming Autumnal Equinox. The public space has apparently been rented out for the evening of September 21 to a group of procedure-following Satanists for $420.


5. Yankees Fan Wants $10 Million From ESPN For Filming Him Sleeping Through Game — A-Rod Would Be So Proud

Yankees fan Andrew Robert Rector is suing ESPN for $10 million after the sports network filmed him sleeping during a Yankees-Red Sox game, thus opening up the opportunity for people to make fun of him on the Internet. We're assuming that he will soon be suing his lawyer for helping him to sue ESPN, thus opening up the opportunity for people to continue making fun of him on the Internet.


(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Tom Hanks dressed up as a rabbi and sang Montell Jordan's "This Is How We Do It."

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So tip your cup and throw your hands up. (via tmcleod)

When Montell Jordan "does it," he reaches for the 40 and he turns it up. When Tom Hanks does it, he reaches for the yarmulke and gets on stage to sing at a friend's wedding

The man getting married was Justin Beiber's manager Scooter Braun. For once, we can be thankful that the Biebs was around because he posted to Instagram a video of Hanks, all dressed up in traditional Jewish rabbi garb, singing and -- let's call it dancing -- to Montell Jordan's '95 hit This Is How We Do It. 


There's almost a traditional solemnity in the way our Oscar-winner embraced his role of "drunk wedding guest dressed as a rabbi singing to Montell Jordan." Very rabbinical. He must have been studying for the part since cocktail hour.

Yes, Hanks has all the trappings of an O.G. mack, not just a wanna-b player.

(by Myka Fox)

Stay cool.

Hot body.


Elephant cries after being freed following 50 years of imprisonment.

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Yes, that dark trail on his face is from crying. Yes, you may cry now. (via WildlifeSOS)

At almost 50 years old, Raju the elephant has spent almost his entire half-century life in miserable captivity before being rescued last week by Wildlife SOS. While seeing an emotional and intelligent creature like an elephant neglected, starved, and hobbled might bring tears to any human's eye, what makes this story even more notable is that when activists, veterinarians, forestry department officers and police made a late-night rescue of the animal, Raju himself started crying—at least in part, it's believed, because he knew things were finally changing.


Raju as a beggar, seen here begging to get out of the heat and get some water. (via)

Although it's thought Raju has had as many as 27 owners since being captured as a baby, he was most recently used as a begging elephant in Allahabad, in the Uttar Pradesh region of India. Forced to work in the hot sun all day (Indian elephants prefer shady forests), Raju's movement was limited at all times by spiked chains that left chronic wounds in his legs. Raju's owner, or mahout, would get tips in exchange for "blessings" from the elephant, which included giving people Raju's tail hair, which had been completely torn out. Raju himself mostly relied on scraps of food from people, most of which was not appropriate for him to eat. He was so neglected that he would eat plastic and paper just to fill his stomach.


Not only did the chains leave chronic, oozing wounds, but walking on hot asphalt all day
severely damaged his footpads. 
(via)

After finding out about Raju's situation, Wildlife SOS filed papers with the Uttar Pradesh Forest department to rescue the animal and take him to their sanctuary. After receiving a court approval, they conducted two days of surveillance to make sure Raju's owners did not flee before action could be taken. Late on July 3rd, 10 veterinarians and Wildlife SOS activists joined 20 Forest Department officers and two policemen in a night-time rescue mission (it was at night in order to minimize disturbances from his owners and also to keep Raju out of the heat). Raju's captors did not yield easily, however; they loaded the elephant down with even more spiked chains and started yelling at the animal to try to provoke him and cause a dangerous situation. 


This picture is worth repeating. (via)

Here is how Wildlife SOS founder Kartick Satyanarayan, described the moment to the Sunday People:

“[Raju's owner] began to shout commands to terrify Raju and try to provoke him. It created an incredibly ­dangerous situation because a bull elephant can snap a human like a toothpick if he becomes afraid or angry. Then he put chains around Raju’s legs in an ­attempt to stop us moving him. They were so viciously tight they were cutting into his legs. But we stood our ground and refused to back down. And as we did so, tears began to roll down Raju’s face. Some no doubt were due to the pain but he also seemed to sense that change was coming. He felt hope for the first time."


Think about this the next time you complain about a splinter. (via)

They were not able to get Raju's chains off immediately, so they had to walk him 200 agonizing yards to a truck and then spend hours winning his trust with fruits and encouragement before he could be loaded and sedated on the vehicle. Finally, he arrived at the wildlife sanctuary where he will be spending his much more relaxed retirement with other elephants who were rescued from abuse. 45 minutes later, 5 people working together were able to remove his spiked chains at last.


It's hard to see, but he's got a bunch of bananas in his trunk. :) (via)

“He took his first step to freedom at one minute past midnight on July 4, US ­independence day. It felt fitting," said Satyanarayan, "The other elephants in the sanctuary woke up as we pulled in and came to have a look. It was an extraordinary moment.” 


Is there any greater symbol of freedom than a shower whenever you want it? (via)

The spiked shackles will be sent to a museum to educate people about this kind of cruelty, and Raju's story is inspiring people all over the world—although he's certainly earned his retirement from public appearances. 


Raju happily eating a jackfruit. They have literally given him a truckload of them. (via)

Visit Wildlife SOS to learn more, or donate money for Raju's care here.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Tough love.

A fugitive was arrested after answering a newspaper's man-on-the-street question about the Washington Redskins.

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Spot the criminal (hint: it's not Dale Butler). (via Jim Romenesko)

Turns out, there are still people that read newspapers. Unfortunately for Jacob "Jake" Close, one of those people is a campus cop at Bloomsburg University in Pennsylvania, who had been looking for Close for a month after being notified that the student was wanted in New York for jumping bail on a drug/DUI case several years ago.

With his documented history of making bad decisions, it's shouldn't be too surprising that Close agreed to appear in a Your Opinion column in the Bloomsburg Press Enterprise about the controversy surrounding the name of the Washington Redskins. 

For the record, Jake believes "they should keep the name, but change the mascot to a potato." Not a bad line, but if it sounds familiar, it's because Jake is also a joke thief! This one-man crime wave is also stealing from PETA.


Not the work of Jake Close.(via)

Jake is now being held on $25,000 bond and waiting extradition back to New York. The good news for him is that at least in jail he'll be safe from the hostile mob of PETA protesters that are surely coming for him.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Humpty Dumpty finally falls off the wall, thanks to idiots trying to take a selfie with him.

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This is why we can't have terrifying things. (via FB)

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, and, as predicted by the prophet Mother Goose, fell off and smashed into bits. 

Apparently, some dudes were trying to take a selfie with Mr. Dumpty at a theme park when the whole wall came down. Perhaps if selfies had been a thing during Reagan's administration, he might have had some friendlier words for Mr. Gorbachev. 

Officials have stated that HD cannot be repaired. Yes, someone on Facebook did say they would call all the king's horses and all the king's men, but of course no one came because this occurred in the Enchanted Forrest theme park of Salem, Oregon, which is a democracy now. None of the popularly elected Ore. representatives attempted to reassemble Humpty, let alone commented on the tragedy. Thanks, Obama. 

Personally, I think leaving the broken egg man all over the ground delivers a better interpretation of the nursery rhyme, and isn't even that much scarier than a giant anthropomorphized egg to begin with. 

Nevertheless, Roger Tofte, now 84, the artist who created the Humpty 44 years ago, says he is going to make another egg "from scratch." 

From scratch? 

EDIT: Previously reported as Salem, Mass., not Salem, Ore.

(by Myka Fox)

How to deal with assholes who don't send thank you notes.

Drunk roommate shamed.

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He sleeps like an angel, if angels drunkenly risked being burned alive in kitchen fires.(Via)

Young people used to be warned about sharing embarrassing stuff about themselves on the Internet. Those were the old days. Now the youngs have to worry about simply being embarrassing while the Internet exists. 

Take this dude as exhibit A. He just innocently (and wastedly) threw a pizza in the oven after what looks to have been a long evening of blackout drunk decision-making, but he made sure to keep it all very IRL and offline. Upon discovering the blackened remains of the pizza, Exhibit A's roommate had other ideas.

Redditor Lewgold, posted the above photo with the question, "Is roommate shaming a thing?" Not yet, but it hopefully will be after today. Let this be a warning to roommates everywhere: never sleep again.

(by Bob Powers)

Reality sets in.


Huge dog afraid to pass tiny cat on stairs.

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This is the year Bo-Sox breaks his cat-passing drought.

I'm gonna go ahead and guess that these folks are from Boston. Here's the description Kristie Pelletier wrote for the video when she uploaded it to YouTube"Bo-Sox the Golden afraid of Chevy the cat. Fenway the German Shepherd puppy to rescue..." Maybe the reason Chevy the cat has decided to torment poor scaredy-dog Bo-Sox is that Chevy has been left out of the Pelletier's Red Sox-themed pet naming system. The Golden Retriever is many times the cat's size, but his face is full of a mixture of abject terror and over-politeness as some force we can't see is preventing Bo-Sox from passing Chevy. 

I also can't blame Chevy for not moving, because, as we can see, there's plenty of room. Finally, young Fenway takes pity on the old man and tries to show him that it's possible for a Boston baseball-themed dog to pass their parked car cat. Then, a kid shows up and everyone kind of scrambles around, but I do think that Bo finally had the right idea.

Please tell me they have a parrot named the Green Monster.

(by Johnny McNulty)

7 identical kittens display 7 identical reactions.

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Pretty cute, eh?

When it becomes difficult to get a bunch of people organized, people say it is like herding kittens, and yet, impossibly, 7 adorable kittens were tested together for their reflexes at the Triskel Maine Coon cattery in Quebec. They all sat perfectly lined up and reacted identically with every head swing and paw bat. I don't know how they did it, must have something to do with that trademarked Canadian politeness. 

This is the cutest thing ever since finding out that there is such a place as a "cattery."

(by Myka Fox)

This year I learned that soccer is a fantastic sport and I would rank it right behind basketball, football, baseball and hockey.

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sean oconnorTue, 8 Jul 2014 14:26:49 EDT

This year I learned that soccer is a fantastic sport and I would rank it right behind basketball, football, baseball and hockey.

This baby stops crying when Nine Inch Nails music is played. That's... good?

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Nine Inch Nails soothes 24-inch human.

The good news for Dad is that he's found a way to make the baby stop crying. The bad news is that it's by cranking "Copy of A" by Nine Inch Nails, which could turn out to be a potentially terrible influence. I guess The Wiggles just wasn't cutting it. In any case, it seems like dad made the decision to deal with the more immediate issue of a crying baby and cross the other awkward bridge when he gets to it. You can't argue with results.

The best part of the clip is the daughter saying "Oooh" when she recognizes the song, because it sounds exactly like a sound Trent Reznor might use as a sample on a NIN song. Which would make for an even better video, one of a crying baby reacting to the sound of her own voice in a NIN song called "A Copy of a Baby Hearing a Copy of A."

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Two tough-guy dogs bark at each other through the one spot in a fence that's not open.

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Such intimidating. Very barking. Wow.

Oh my god! What a couple of vicious dogs! So scary! So so scary! Just imagine what kind of a bloodbath this barking match would turn into if there wasn't that fence in between them. It's almost too terrifying to comprehend! 

I don't know whose dogs these are, but I just thank the good lord that whoever it is had the good sense to keep them safely separate from each other behind that one tiny little sliver of fence there. Otherwise, whoa!

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

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