Jokes about winter weather, dog pals, anxiety, and more, in the 25 funniest tweets by women this week!

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Winter has really settled in, and it's prime couch/blanket/popcorn season. Here's to sitting back, flipping on the tube, and blocking out all of reality for just a little while. To that end, here's a full list of all the stuff that's coming to Netflix in February, and all the stuff that's leaving (so watch now or forever hold your peace).

Here's what's coming to Netflix in February for your viewing (and chilling) pleasure.

February 1:

Ashley Madison: Sex, Lies, and Cyber Attacks

Babe

Babe: Pig in the City

Balto

Balto 2: Wolf Quest

Balto 3: Wings of Change

Contact

Corpse Bride

Disney’s Finding Dory

Eleven P.M.

From This Day Forward: A Trans Love Story

Gun Runners

Hell-Bound Train

Highly Strung

Hot Biskits

I Am Sun Mu

Invincible

Les beaux malaises: Seasons 1-4

Magic Mike

Masha’s Spooky Stories: Season 1

Mother with a Gun

Paris Is BurningProject X

Silver Streak

The Blair Witch Project

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe

The Five Heartbeats

The Furchester Hotel: Seasons 1-2

The Girl from Chicago

The Longest Day

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Twilight

Woman in Gold

February 2:

American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson

Frequency: Season 1

February 3:

Daniel Sosa: Sosafado (Netflix original)

Imperial Dreams (Netflix original)

Santa Clarita Diet (Netflix original)

February 4:

Superbad

February 5:

Elvira I Will Give You My Life but I’m Using It

Los herederos

February 6:

Girls Lost

Me, Myself and Her

February 7:

Michael Bolton’s Big, Sexy Valentine’s Day Special (Netflix original)

February 8:

Tiempos Felices

Girl Asleep

February 10:

Abstract: The Art of Design

David Brent: Life on the Road (Netflix original)​

February 11:

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: Season 2

Stronger Than the World (Netflix original)

February 12:

Clouds of Sils Maria

February 13:

Code: Debugging the Gender Gap

Magicians: Life in the Impossible

February 14:

Girlfriend’s Day (Netflix original)​

Katherine Ryan: In Trouble (Netflix original)

King Cobra

Project MC2: Part 4 (Netflix original)

White Nights (Netflix original)

February 15:

Aram, Aram

Before I Go to Sleep

Fire Song

February 16:

Milk

Sundown

February 17:

Chef’s Table: Season 3 (Netflix original)

DreamWorks Dragons: Race to the Edge: Season 4 (Netflix original)

Kill Ratio

The Seven Deadly Sins: Season 2 (Netflix original)

February​ 19:

Girl Meets World: Season 3

Growing Up Wild

Tini: El Gran Cambio De Violetta

When Calls the Heart: Season 3

February​ 23:

Sausage Party

February​ 24:

I Don’t Feel At Home In This World Anymore (Netflix original)

Legend Quest: Season 1 (Netflix original)

Ultimate Beastmaster (Netflix original)​

Ultimate Beastmaster Mexico (Netflix original)

VeggieTales in the City: Season 1 (Netflix original)

February​ 26:

Night Will Fall

February​ 27:

Brazilian Western

February​ 28:

Be Here Now

Michael Birbiglia: Thank God for Jokes (Netflix original)

Here's what's leaving Netflix in February, so watch now before it's too late.

February 1:

A.C.O.D.

An American Girl: Saige Paints the Sky

An Inconvenient Truth

Ashby

Black Hawk Down

Bratz: Babyz: The Movie

Bratz: Super Babyz

Charlotte's Web 2: Wilbur's Great Adventure

Clerks

Elizabeth

Extract

Failure to Launch

Frida

Girls Just Want to Have Fun

Jackass 2.5

Lalaloopsy Girls: Welcome to L.A.L.A. Prep School

Last Holiday

Mission Impossible: III

Sahara

Save the Last Dance

Serving Sara

Star Trek: Nemesis

The Machinist

The Original Latin Kings of Comedy

There Will be Blood

Trainspotting

What’s Eating Gilbert Grape

February 7:

Justin Bieber’s Believe

February 12:

Grounded for Life: Season 1 – Season 5

February 13:

Scary Movie 5

The Nut Job

February 15:

Brothers in War

Chris Porter: Ugly and Angry

Closure

Exile Nation: The Plastic People

Jack Frost

I Am Not a Hipster

Plastic Paradise: The Great Pacific Garbage Patch

Prince of Broadway

Stephanie in the Water

The Man on Her Mind

Unlikely Animal Friends: Season 2

February 16:

Santa Claws

Somewhere

February 17:

Winnie the Pooh: A Very Merry Pooh Year

February 19:

Problem Child: Leslie Jones

February 28:

Clueless

Oh, Lena Dunham. Abhorred by the right for supposedly being an embodiment of the Left, and abhorred by the Left for saying the worst things a lot of the time.

The latest development from the human outrage machine is a weird-ass poem, hinged on a "Donald Trump is daddy" metaphor.

Poetry analysts on Twitter were not on board with this art and interpretation of the movement's message.

While the poem lives on in screenshots—and cautionary tales in MFA programs—Dunham deleted off her 'gram, because of abuse.

Nobody deserves abuse, but yeah, that poem is really bad.

When you're in a relationship, it's important to do some small things every day to make sure your partner knows you care about them. One couple in Indiana has gone viral after sharing their small (but awesome) gesture of love: surprise chicken wings.

Paige Barile, a 22-year-old from Indiana, recently tweeted a photo showing side-by-side, identical orders from Buffalo Wild Wings. She had bought wings for dinner as a surprise for her boyfriend, Austyn, only to find out that Austyn had the same idea she did.

"Tried being cute and surprising my boyfriend with wings but he surprised me with wings too..." Paige wrote.

"We just missed each other at the same BDUBS’s (out of the three in our area) by 15 minutes and he showed up with the food right after I got home and set the TV trays up to watch our favorite show," she told Metro. "And since we both know each other’s orders, we literally had double of our favorites!"

I don't know about you guys, but that may just be the truest and purest love I've ever witnessed. (Well, I mean, except for Barack Obama and Joe Biden's love. OBVIOUSLY.)

Twitter agrees with me, apparently. As of Tuesday, Paige's tweet has been retweeted over 16,000 times and has over 41,000 likes. The internet finds chicken wings romantic AF.

So if you're part of a couple, remember this: surprising your significant other with their favorite snacks is the ultimate romantic gesture. (And it may also help you rise to Twitter fame.)

Tabloids are apparently reporting that Brad Pitt and Kate Hudson are dating, and although Pitt is in the throngs of a messy divorce and a very public custody battle, things are getting pretty serious between the two. Kate Hudson's brother Oliver Hudson snapped a picture of the cover of Star, one of those tabloids toting fake celebrity gossip usually found near the cash register of grocery stores, that proclaims that Brad is moving in with Kate, and that she "can't keep her hands off him!" Luckily, Oliver cleared up these rumors by insisting that they are completely true, and providing dirty (literally, dirty) details about Kate and Brad's new "living arrangement."

Yeah and it's been hell!! He's messy as shit! He drinks out of the fucking carton and leaves the door open when he's taking a dump!! And this is when he's at MY house!!! He's already calling me brother and has driven a wedge between myself and my real brother Wyatt who now won't speak to me.. he insists my kids call him uncle B and lost my youngest at the Santa Monica pier for 2 days.. thank god for amber alert.. my mom's overtly flirting with him! Shes wearing these little nighties around the house now?! But ALL DAY!! Like at 3pm! And Pa just keeps saying "All right!! It's Brad Pitt!!" Anyway not going well.. so BP.. it's time to move out man.. I need my life back dog.. I'll smoke one more bowl and then get the fuck out.. we thank you.. oh and I found your medical bracelet so I'll get that back to you.. ok..

Oh my! Taking a dump with the door open, Goldie Hawn flouncing around in a nightgown, and losing Hudson's youngest at the Santa Monica Pier? It sounds like Pitt is pulling a How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days on the Hudson siblings.

Of course, the dripping sarcasm of Oliver's post pretty much confirms that the rumored Kate Hudson/Brad Pitt romance is totally bogus, but damn did he make it sound fun.

The Academy Award nominations for 2016 films rolled out this morning and to nobody's surprise, Meryl Streep made the cut -- again. This time around Streep was nominated for Best Actress for her acting in the film Florence Foster Jenkins. So just how many times has Meryl Streep ​been nominated for an Oscar? This year's nomination makes 20 for the actress who has more nominations than any other actor EVER. (It almost makes you wonder if there's some kind of rule where the Academy has to nominate her.)

She received her first Oscar nomination in 1979 for The Deer Hunter but did not win. Here's a rundown of the rest: * win.

*Kramer vs Kramer - 1980

The French Lieutenant's Woman - 1982

*Sophie's Choice - 1983

Silkwood - 1984

Out of Africa - 1986

Ironweed - 1988

A Cry in the Dark - 1989

Postcards From the Edge - 1991

The Bridges of Madison County - 1996

One True Thing - 1999

Music of the Heart - 2000

Adaptation - 2003

The Devil Wears Prada - 2007

Doubt - 2009

Julia & Julia - 2010

*The Iron Lady - 2012

August: Osage County - 2014

Into the Woods - 2015

Florence Foster Jenkins - 2017

She's in good company as far as actors who have won the statue, with only five other actors claiming an Oscar three times (Daniel Day-Lewis, Jack Nicholson, Ingrid Bergman, Walter Brennan and Katherine Hepburn). If Streep wins this year she'll tie Katherine Hepburn for having the most Oscar wins at four (though Hepburn was only nominated 12 times).

Streep has some tough competition in her category this year, going up against Isabelle Huppert (Elle), Ruth Negga (Loving), Natalie Portman (Jackie) and Emma Stone (La La Land). While the Academy certainly has a soft spot for anything Streep does on camera, there's a good chance they'll lean towards Portman for her historical portrayal in Jackie or Stone because of La La Land's commercial and critical success. Musicals tend to do well at the Oscars. Then again, it could go to underdog nominees Huppert or Negga.

You'll have to wait until the Academy Awards air on February 26, 2017 to find out if she walks home with her fourth gold statue.

Pop princess and mother of two Britney Spears is now on Snapchat, and she's super psyched about filters.

Spears's Snapchat short films are quite cringeworthy, accomplishing the impressive combo of seeming like a tween and an embarrassing mom at the same time.

“A little late on Snapchat... my kids showed me last week 😉 It’s great because it makes you feel pretty!” she writes. Great indeed.

Let's take a tour through her cinematic masterpieces.

1. The Silent Film

2. "I just want to go shopping!"

3. BFFAEAEAA

4. Funny bunnies

5. Vegas, baby!

6. This doesn't appear to be Snapchat, but damn if her Modern Family obsession isn't the most Mom thing in the world.

Oh, mom.

J.K. Rowling, author of Harry Potter and queen of Twitter clapbacks, went on one of her famous tirades yesterday, skewering Donald Trump—again—this time for signing a bill that would limit reproductive health access for millions of women.

And one woman learned what most of us already knew: don't enter a battle of words with J.K. Rowling oryou will get beautifully, elegantly burned to a crisp.

ICYMI: President (*shudder*) Donald Trump and a bunch of white dudes with no ovaries signed an executive order yesterday to reinstate the "global gag rule" which will limit millions of women's access to reproductive health care across the globe.

J.K. Rowling was having none of it and she fought back in true Hermione style, with facts. First, Hermione Rowling tweeted screenshots of a Guttmacher Institute study into the impact of the global gag rule on women's lives.

She then explained that limiting women's access to abortion doesn't "stop" abortion, but only makes it more unsafe.

A lot of people, including the Guttmacher institute, were like HELL YEAH thank you, J.K. Rowling.

But her comments of course pissed off some people, like this woman, who tried to troll Rowling's statements with a cheap p*ssy joke.

"@jkrowling you got what you wanted right? GOV out of your pussy..no prob..they pulled out 😜"

Turns out, taking a cheap shot J.K. Rowling can easily backfire. The author tweeted:

And that, wizards and muggles, is why you don't mess with JK Rowling. Not on Twitter. Not IRL. Not at Hogwarts, a place I keep forgetting is imaginary. Not anywhere.

Still don't believe me? Let's revisit this gem:

She's got our backs, ladies.

Recently, footage has been unearthed of Kellyanne Conway, Miss "Alternative Facts" USA, attempting to do standup comedy in 1998. Is it as cringe-worthy as you think it's gonna be?

Let's go to the video evidence.

If you aren't good at handling sympathetic humiliation, we've written Kellyanne Conway's opening joke:

"Before I get started I want to tell you the funniest thing happened to me today.You ever have one of those days where not one but two things that never ever happens, happens to you? I'm walking down the street, I look up, and I see Haley's Comet. I get back to the office, and I'm accurately quoted in a Ralph Hallow article."

[polite smattering of chuckles]

Oof. Clunkiness aside, it's pretty telling that her first joke written so many years ago is about being misquoted. She's been practicing this "lying media" strategy for years.

The rest of her set segues into jokes about her being a political pundit, in which she basically steals blonde jokes and replaces the word "blonde" with "pundette." Skip ahead nine minutes and you can watch her put on a red feather boa and sing the "Pundit blues."

"As long as I'm blonde and not too fat."

If anything proves how much harder it is to be a standup comedian than a spin doctor for Donald Trump, this has got to be it.

In fairness, Conway's attempt was done as part of a charity event, but she was still vying to be crowned DC's funniest celebrity. She didn't win, so lets just say she was an alternative winner.

It's always nice to see couples dedicating an entire day to spending some quality time together. Pop star Shakira recently posted two videos of her boyfriend (Spanish soccer player Gerard Piqué) attempting to help her wash her hair on their "Beauty Salon Day," and, oh my goodness, it's adorable.

The videos show the couple laughing hysterically while Piqué attempts to wash Shakira's hair, but ends up splashing water EVERYWHERE in the process.

Pique should probably stick to playing soccer, but you have to admit he makes an adorably clumsy hairstylist. We wish him and Shakira many more happy "Beauty Salon Days."

On Wednesday, NBC announced that it has officially ordered a limited 10-episode revival of their beloved TV show, Will & Grace. That sound you hear is hearts exploding with happiness all around the world.

According to EW, the network made the announcement on Wednesday at the Television Critics Association’s press tour, with NBC Entertainment Chairman Robert Greenblatt saying,

We’re thrilled that one of the smartest, funniest, and most defining comedies in NBC history is coming back. This groundbreaking series for everything from gay rights to social and political commentary—all disguised as a high-speed train of witty pop culture—is coming back where it belongs.

The show, which will air in the 2017-2018 season, will feature the same cast (Debra Messing, Eric McCormack, Sean Hayes, and Megan Mullally).

It gets better—Max Mutchnick and David Kohan, the show's original creators, will be the showrunners and executive produce, and James Burrows, the director of every episode of the show in all eight seasons (1998 to 2006), is reportedly going to direct these episodes (as well as executive produce).

Will they start from where it officially ended, with best friends Will and Grace ran into each other while moving their kids into college (after a falling out that apparently lasted for years) or will it just be the same old gang, like the election special they did recently?

At the press event, Mutchnik added, “Dave [Kohan] and I are absolutely thrilled about the opportunity to write what Will, Grace, Jack and Karen are thinking about in 2017.” And fans everywhere are thrilled about the opportunity to watch their revival.

A Baltimore mom is outraged after her son's school performed a major dental procedure on him without letting her know. Shanda Flemming was shocked when her nine-year-old son Michael came home from school with tears in his eyes and a swollen mouth. That's when she realized he was missing three teeth.

Shanda learned from Michael that a dental program had visited his school. Although she had signed a permission slip, she had thought he would only be given routine cleanings. And so had he. He told WJZ News,

They just said they was gonna clean my teeth.

Instead, Michael had three teeth extracted. At not point did anyone contact his mother. In fact, the procedure caused Michael to miss his bus. The third-grader was forced to walk home alone, and was not given any medication for the pain.

Now, Shanda is looking for answers.

He walked home alone after having three teeth extracted from his mouth. He could have fell out or anything … I just don’t understand how a school or a company can take it in their hands to do something like this to a child.

Baltimore City Public Schools have increasingly brought these dental programs into schools since 2007, when a Prince George's County boy died after his tooth became infected. But this incident is raising questions about how the programs are run. BCPS refused to comment.

Here's the full report from WJZ News:

Sean Spicer is reportedly in hot water with Trump. And no, not the kind of hot water that Trump allegedly likes ;).

So far Scary Spice is struggling on the job, telling big-ass lies that are easily debunked and whining about how bad press coverage hurts the administration's feelings. But President Trump, ever the aesthete, is obsessed with the looks of his press secretary.

Online news outlet Axiosreports:

Unfortunately for Spicer, Trump is obsessed with his press secretary's performance art. Our Jonathan Swan hears that Trump hasn't been impressed with how Spicer dresses, once asking an aide: "Doesn't the guy own a dark suit?" Spicer looked a lot sharper yesterday than he did on Saturday — in a dark, bankerly suit.

Journalists are discussing this fact on Twitter as well.

It wasn't just the president who noticed. The internet even offered to buy Spicer a new suit.

Spicer certainly got the memo, because on Tuesday, he wore a darker, more tailored suit while lying.

From wearing dark suits to lying his face off, Old Spice sure is good at following orders.

White House Press Secretary Sean Spicerpissed off journalists again today, this time by opening the first question at todays's press briefing to LifeZette.

Haven't heard of them?

They're a known propaganda site.

Laura Ingraham, the conservative radio host who created LifeZette, was actually being considered to be Trump's press secretary. If Jeff Foxworthy were to make a joke about this he would say, "If you almost got the job of the person you were trying to hold accountable, that miiiiiight be a conflict of Interest."

Moreover, LifeZette has never been a reputable news site. They have been known to make up stories, like the Clinton murder conspiracy theory, and when they do cover legitimate stories, their take is noticeably slanted.

Here are three examples:

1. The "alternative facts" story:

2. The SNL writer story:

3. Coverage of the women's march:

So, yeah, when the White House gives a site like LifeZette first question, it raises serious doubts that they want any information to get out at all.

Many fans of science were alarmed on Tuesday by a series of reports that the Trump administration had imposed communications blackouts on many of the government's science agencies. Memos sent out to employees of the Department of Agriculture, the Environmental Protection Agency, and other branches instructed employees to immediately stop communicating with the press or posting anything on social media. Some of these memos also indicated that previously autonomous social media accounts would be put under more centralized control.

The EPA was also subject to an immediate freeze on grants, leading many to speculate that the gag orders were meant to prevent the public from becoming aware of the White House's plans for the government's science interests. And a disturbing development this afternoon certainly makes that theory seem more likely.

An anonymous employee at Badlands National Park in South Dakota began spontaneously posting a series of facts about climate change from the park's official Twitter account. Although that account has periodically posted about the climate in the past, in general it is used to share harmless images of the park's natural beauty. Today's uncharacteristically dire tweets continued for several hours. Then they abruptly stopped, and were all deleted without explanation. But not before many Twitter users screenshotted them.

Many Twitter users expressed support for whoever posted the tweets.

Although there's no proof that this incident was related to the Trump administration, the similarity to an incident earlier this week is too eerie to ignore. In that case, the Twitter account of the National Parks Service tweeted an image comparing the crowd sizes of Donald Trump and Barack Obama's inaugurations. The White House forced the NPS to delete the tweet, and briefly banned the agency from tweeting entirely.

As the news this week has proved, President Trump is enraged by any mention of the fact that his inauguration, and his administration, are much less popular than Obama's. Could he feel the same way about climate change, which he continues to describe as a Chinese hoax? If so, government scientists have a lot to be worried about.

Among great and not-so-great things to happen over the weekend, white supremacist Nazi Richard Spencer got punched in the head in a now-viral video which I like to watch on loop right before bed.

The video has sparked many "debates" about whether or not it is okay to punch a Nazi (it is not okay—it is great). And model/fierce Tweeter Chrissy Teigen had no problem directly telling Richard Spencer her thoughts on matter—on Twitter, of course (what is this, the '90s?!).

First, Spencer, an actual Nazi who somehow believes he is still the victim here, tweeted out this quote:

"I am not what happened to me," he wrote, to the tune of the world's smallest violin. "I am what I choose to become."

Then Chrissy Teigen hit him back with this Twitter version of a left hook:

Perfect.

Not one to take a punch lying down, Spencer tried to mansplain back at her:

It didn't work. First of all, Spencer's initial tweet is a quote from Carl Jung, not Nelson Mandela. So, that's a pretty major Mansplain Fail.

But Teigen didn't even bother with this information, because she already had the perfect comeback:

Truly in my limited experience, the best way to fight with a nazi is to call them a nazi. And then sashay away.

Boy, bye.

ICYMI: millions of women and allies all over the world took to the streets this weekend to protest Donald Trump and fascism. And in the spirit of equality, a woman named Sophie Stummvoll from London exercised her human right to try and bag a total babe she saw at the women's march in Trafalger Square, London.

Stummvoll caught a glimpse of a very pretty face under a sign reading "Fuck the Patriarchy," but was "too shy" to talk to the handsome stranger at the time.

So she did what we all do when we have a crush on someone, she went on Facebook:

Stummvoll wrote:

So I was too shy to say anything to you during the march, but to the lovely and tall gentleman leading the chant for equality and graciously holding up "FUCK THE PATRIARCHY" I have a bit of a crush on you and should you ever be interested in discussing any of the above matters with me (pictured bottom left) my inbox is open!

GET IT, GIRL.

The internet was more than happy to help Stummvoll in her quest for love and people scrambled to track down this insanely hot feminist, now officially known as "equalitybae."

When women and their allies come together, literally anything is possible. Because the plan WORKED:

A woman tagged her friend named Morgan Edward Davies, who may as well change his name to Equality Bae. Because that's his identity now.

This is him:

Yeah, definitely the same guy:

THEN, Stummvoll, who we've already established knows how to go after what she wants, slid into Equality Bae's DM's, and posted this screenshot as proof:

"The message has been sent and potential romance has been initiated! #foundequalitybae #staytuned" she wrote.

And THEN, Equality Bae himself, who is more than just a fierce sign and a fiercely hot face, posted this screenshot of him responding to her original DM:

"I don't know if anyone saw a girl called Sophie's #findequalitybae post yesterday," he wrote. Well she did and drinks are on the cards."

"Drinks are on the cards" could mean anything: a one-night-stand, a blossoming friendship, an empty promise. But I choose to believe these two will fall in love and have a future together, raising woke babies and saving the world.

Or maybe it won't work out. In which case, Equality Bae, if you're reading this, "my inbox is open."