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Happy Father's Day to the parent who lets me do whatever the hell I want.


Thanks for being one of the only dads who won't be confused by me wishing you Happy Father's Day on Facebook.

Here's to Kanye West for making every other dad look like slightly less of an asshole this Father's Day.

You're always ahead of schedule when it comes to disappointing me.

Just a reminder that I'm going on vacation and you're not.

I wish I could have sex for every time I was turned down for sex.

Dad, the greatest Father's Day gift I can give is not subjecting you to an awkward phone call.

This Father's Day I wrote you a song thanking you for always putting up with my obvious lack of talent.


I'm always here for you as a living example of how things could be much worse.

Craigslist ad for a bike recounts man's emotional and turbulent divorce from his bike.

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(via Reddit)
Looks like she's always in low gear for an easy ride.

Divorces are tough, but the best cure for that kind of heartache is a new love. We hope this bike finds someone who will ride her the way she wants, and respect that she has outdoorsy tires but also the black-and-silver style for the city. She is a complicated bike, and although anyone can learn to ride, not many can actually learn the inner workings of her pumps and gears. Just be sure to refer to her tires as "athletic." As far as the guy selling this bike, he seems to have very traditional definitions of what a bike should be like, so we hope he can find one of those thin road bikes you see in Europe or some hefty mountain bike that can really make you feel like you've been somewhere.

Oh yeah, check out Someecards' new section for Divorce cards

25 ways to make dad laugh on Father's Day

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someecards.com - Dad, you've always been like a father to me


We wish choosing our 25 favorite Father's Day cards was as easy as choosing our favorite child, but it wasn't. Regardless, here they are for you to send to your dad and disappoint him once again (he's used to it at this point). Share them with your embarrassingly tech-ignorant father on Facebook and Twitter or create your own card just like you did back when your poor spelling was still adorable. Enjoy! 

See them all >>

I never knew my father, but I'm sure he'd be proud of me also being a deadbeat dad.

Happy Father's Day to a wonderful husband who no matter what having kids has done to my body still seems to want to nail me.

90-year-old anti-gay congressman attends pro-gay event after wandering in by accident.

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"This is great! I haven't had anyone to talk to about Rock Hudson movies in years!"

Rep. Ralph Hall (R-TX) really doesn't like gay marriage, so much so that he sponsored a bill that would have made it illegal for the Supreme Court to rule the Defense of Marriage Act as unconstitutional (because the Constitution is big on letting the legislature strong-arm the judiciary like that). This made it really weird when he showed up at a reception for the LGBT Victory Fund.

Everyone was very nice, but people quickly assumed he was lost, seeing as he has made himself a sworn enemy of gay marriage and all that. Hall was supposed to be attending another event in the same building for a fellow Congressman, and when he asked where his colleague was, the guests at the LGBT event informed him that he was at the wrong event. Said Hall, "At that moment I realized that this was not the reception I intended to attend, and I put down my glass, thanked the sponsor, and told him we would be leaving. Many of those in attendance were probably surprised to see me walk in, but were not surprised to see me leave quickly."

At 90, Hall is the oldest man in Congress and the oldest member of the House of Representatives ever. While this makes him extremely unlikely to support gay marriage, it also makes him pretty likely to wander into the wrong room and begin chatting up whomever is around. To be fair, everyone under 60 probably looks like a dirty hippie fetus to Hall, so we can't really expect him to tell LGBT activists and Republican staffers apart. They all listen to that funk-a-dunk noise music.

Dad, thanks for loving me almost as much as your legitimate offspring.


Please accept this Father's Day card as a token of my poverty.

I love how we don't even need to say out loud that I'm your favorite child.

Next time you're in town be sure to call me so I can be too busy to see you.

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — June 17, 2013

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Should you see the new Superman movie? Who is the Supreme Court pissing off now? Why is Dick Cheney grouchily complaining about Chinese spies? Take a break from pretending to know how to do your job and check out theses 5 things you should pretend to know instead.

Stay slightly smarter than your friends >>

Happy belated Father's Day from someone who has clearly inherited your absent-mindedness.

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