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5 people having a worse Monday than you.

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5. Barack Obama, because Trump won't let him enjoy his retirement.

Leave Barry alone!

Since he handed over the reins of government to Donald Trump, former President Barack Obama has been enjoying some much-needed R&Rchilling on the beach with Richard Branson, signing a $60 million book deal with his wife Michelle, and periodically surfacing in major cities to delight crowds of adoring fans. He's living the dream of every former president, but there's one grinch who is determined to ruin it for him: his successor, Donald Trump.

On Saturday, President Trump unleashed one of his trademark tweetstorms, in which he insulted Arnold Schwarzenegger's run as host of The Apprentice, defended embattled Attorney General Jeff Sessions, and as a throwaway, accused Obama of wire-tapping his home during last year's election.

Notably absent from the accusations was any evidence. Trump wouldn't even say how he learned about the wiretapping—you might think it was from the intelligence agencies who supposedly work for him, but they immediately distanced themselves from this whole sh*tstorm.

FBI Director James "But Her Emails" Comey denied Trump's claims, asking the Justice Department to reject them. In response, the White House demanded a Congressional investigation. But even Congressional Republicans are scared to touch this one.

Meanwhile, Obama's representatives have been emphatically denying the claims. Many are calling on the former president to sue Trump for libel, citing the lack of evidence. But Obama doesn't want to spend his retirement as one of the thousands of people waiting in line to sue Donald Trump. He wants to PARTY.


4. Emma Watson, because people are accusing her boobs of not being feminist.

Accio bra?

There aren't many celebrities with more feminist cred than Emma Watson. In the years since her role as Hermione in the Harry Potter series turned her into one of the world's most famous women, she's done everything she can to present herself as a role model for young girls. She's spoken about feminism to the United Nations as a U.N. Women Goodwill Ambassador, started a feminist book club, and turned down plum roles as Disney Princesses because they weren't empowered enough.

But even Watson isn't immune to the relentless scrutiny of internet shamers. Now, they're attacking her for a recent photoshoot in Vanity Fair, which proved once and for all that this so-called "feminist" actually has BREASTS.

Critics said that the work Watson has done for women was undermined by her decision to pose braless in a magazine, putting her cleavage on display for the world to see. They alleged that if she wants to be taken seriously as a woman, she has to keep those things covered up. But of course, Watson wasn't hearing it. If she wouldn't let the U.N. tell her how to be a feminist, she wasn't about to listen to a bunch of body-shaming trolls. Asked about the controversy, she told Reuters:

It just always reveals to me how many misconceptions and what a misunderstanding there is about what feminism is. Feminism is about giving women choice. Feminism is not a stick with which to beat other women with. It's about freedom, it's about liberation, it's about equality. I really don't know what my tits have to do with it. It's very confusing. I'm confused. Most people are confused. No, I'm just always just quietly stunned.

Let this be a lesson to anyone who wants to publicly judge Emma Watson: if you come at the queen, you best not miss.


3. Rodney Dangerfield's widow, because she says her late husband's mural don't show him no respect.

Rodney as he appeared in Caddyshack. If you don't know what that is, ask your parents.

Legendary comedian Rodney Dangerfield passed away in 2004, but he's still missed by lovers of self-deprecating one-liners everywhere. He's also still missed in Kew Gardens, Queens, where he grew up. Last year, locals thought they would honor him with a mural in the neighborhood. Italian artist Francesca Robicci agreed to paint it for free, using a photo provided by Rodney's widow Joan, who also donated $1,000 toward the project. But once she saw the results, Joan realized she should have spent more.

Almost done! #rodneydangerfield #mural in the making #queens #kewgardens #literarypaitings @literarypaintings @501seestreets

A post shared by Francesca Tosca Robicci (@francescatoscarobicci) on

Here's the mural next to the reference photo.

It looks like the two Rodneys are reacting to each other.

Let's accept a couple important facts. One: this mural is ugly. Two: Rodney was also ugly. Half of his jokes were about that!

But 13 years after his death, Rodney's fiercely loyal widow is fed up with seeing him be disrespected. She threatened to sue Robicci, who is back in Italy after painting the mural while visiting the U.S. on a 90-day tourist visa. At the very least, Joan wants the image painted over.

But locals are torn. Some say that the mural is a fitting tribute to a man who celebrated his own failings. One told NY1, "He wasn’t the best-looking guy in the world either."

No respect.


2. A city worker who was caught setting up a sweet secret bedroom at work.

Taking the occasional catnap at work is a victimless crime (unless you're an air traffic controller). Most of us have done it at least once, but some serial nappers abuse the privilege. Like one city employee in Cranston, Rhode Island, who flew too close to the sun on tastefully quilted wings.

What you're looking at is not this man's home bedroom. That photo was taken on the second floor of the Cranston Highway Department building, where an employee who had recently sold his home had moved his entire bedroom set onto city property and made himself at home.

His makeshift den featured a full bed (including a wooden headboard), a coffee maker, slippers, and pajamas. Everything a public highway worker needs to get a good night's rest, totally rent-free.

After the image was posted online by some nap narc, it quickly circulated on social media. And once the public found out about this den of drowsiness, the man responsible was in for a rude awakening. Cranston Director of Administration Robert Coupe told Target 11:

We were made aware of an incident that I believe existed for a very short period of time and it’s not happening anymore. A city employee has been disciplined and has been told it’s unacceptable to be sleeping in the highway garage.

So far, officials have not explained what that "discipline" entailed. It could be anything from unpaid suspension to putting his hand in warm water while he slept.


1. The owner of this 1959 Corvette.

We've seen a lot of parking fouls at Someecards, but this one takes it to a whole other level.

This just happened at the Walmart in Englewood

Posted by Jeremey Glidden on Thursday, March 2, 2017

This photo was taken outside a Walmart in Englewood, Florida on Thursday. According to Jason Motz, who uploaded video of the incident to Facebook, a driver was cutting through the lot when she realized she was about to crash into the vintage sports car. She tried to hit the brake, but accidentally hit the gas instead (because Florida). Next thing anyone knew, she had parked on top of the perfectly preserved 58-year-old vehicle.

People who saw the picture were amazed that the Corvette was in such good condition after the collision. Then they saw the cringe-inducing video.

1959 Corvette has a car parked on it! I was corrected on the year of the car by somebody that knows the owner. I corrected it from 58 to a 59. Thanks

Posted by Jason Motz on Thursday, March 2, 2017

The car's owner, Charlotte County Supervisor of Elections Paul Stamoulis, handled the incident with remarkable good humor. It's not that surprising—anyone who owns a classic car in Florida has to understand the risks involved. He probably has a garage full of these things just in case.


Chrissy Teigen opens up about her struggle with postpartum depression.

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In an essay for Glamourmagazine, Chrissy Teigen opened up about her struggle with postpartum depression after giving birth to her daughter with John Legend, Luna.

While from afar it seems like the supermodel, best-selling cookbook author and Lip Sync Battle host may have the perfect life, the chemical imbalance struck Chrissy, just like it could any other new mom.

#flashbackfriday 💕

A post shared by chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) on

"I had everything I needed to be happy. And yet, for much of the last year, I felt unhappy. What basically everyone around me—but me—knew up until December was this: I have postpartum depression," she confesses, "How can I feel this way when everything is so great?"

"But postpartum does not discriminate," she explains, "I couldn’t control it. And that’s part of the reason it took me so long to speak up: I felt selfish, icky, and weird saying aloud that I’m struggling. Sometimes I still do."

It was difficult for Teigen to come to terms with the diagnosis, with the term "depression" being so wrapped up in stigma:

I still don’t really like to say, “I have postpartum depression,” because the word depression scares a lot of people. I often just call it “postpartum.” Maybe I should say it, though. Maybe it will lessen the stigma a bit.

A post shared by John Legend (@johnlegend) on

Teigen was diagnosed in December, and has begun taking an antidepressant. She writes that she is speaking up now because she doesn't want people who have it "to feel embarrassed or to feel alone."

Read the full powerful essay over at Glamour.

Watch a colorblind fourth-grader see colors for the first time ever.

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What a sweet video! KCCI posted a clip on Facebook of fourth-grader Cayson Irlbeck in Iowa, born colorblind, seeing colors for the very first time.
“That day changed my life,” he told KCCI.

The EnChroma glasses he puts on have a special filter that excludes certain wavelengths of light, allowing colorblind people to see color better. Young Irlbeck cries, his dad cries, his mom maybe cries, and you'll probably cry a bit, too.

Absolutely beautiful -- Johnston fourth-grader Cayson Irlbeck was born colorblind, and was unable to see colors until recently. His family shared this wonderful video of the moment he saw colors with Marcus Mcintosh KCCI, and it will bring a tear to your eye and a smile to your face. See Marcus’ full story here: http://bit.ly/2leC7IC

Posted by KCCI on Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Speaking to KCCI, Cayson said, “It was so colorful. It was weird (because) I had never seen those colors before, but I kind of knew what they were. I don't know. It was just awesome.”

Cayson's father, Aaron Irlbeck, added, “Just to be able to see all of a sudden a whole new world opened up for him, obviously it was very emotional."

According to KCCI, the glasses, which cost $300, have a 50/50 chance of working. The Irlbeck family said it was definitely worth the investment.

The Obamas won't let the Trump wiretapping drama stop them from having a relaxing date night.

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Donald Trump has been throwing around accusations that Barack Obama wiretapped Trump Tower during the 2016 election, but the Barack and Michelle aren't going to let that drama get in the way of their relaxing date night.

Photos of the Obamas enjoying a day at the National Gallery of Art in Washington, D.C. have surfaced on social media, and they look just as cool, calm, and collected as always.

As per usual, Barack Obama was sporting his typical "super chill dad" attire, and Michelle looked flawless.

Post-White House life is suiting the Obamas well. Take that, haters.

The only thing someone spying on me would learn is how many of my meals I eat in bed.

Twitter is dragging Team Trump for this silly mistake on their St. Patrick's Day hats.

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St. Patrick's Day is just a couple weeks away, and everyone is getting ready for the celebration. Team Trump even released a special edition, St. Patrick's Day "Make America Great Again" hat. Super festive, right?! Too bad it has just one little mistake. See if you can find it.

Got it yet? Let's take another look.

Give up? The clover on the back of the hats has four leaves, while the shamrock, the symbol of Ireland, only has three. That's actually a four-leaf clover.

Seems like a small mistake, right? Not on the internet! Twitter users quickly noticed the error, and were quick to point it out to Team Trump.

The Irish aren't so thrilled about being associated with Trump.

And one of these non-shamrock hats will only set you back $50! What a bargain!

Maybe it's not too late for a re-print. (They should probably fix Trump's inauguration poster while they're at it, too.)

JK Rowling aims her latest tweet missile at sexist Trump advisor Roger Stone.

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JK Rowling, tireless warrior against the dark arts on Twitter, has fired off one of her tweet missiles at yet another troll.

ICYMI: Over the weekend, former Trump advisor and current Trump supporter Roger Stone went on a horrendously sexist Twitter rant in defense of Trump's insane claims that Obama "wiretapped" him (yes, this is reality.)

Many of his tweets were deleted, but not before screenshots went viral. You can see the deleted tweets here, which include him calling a female journalist an "ugly bitch."

This guy is pure garbage.

Enter JK Rowling, arbiter of Twitter justice. The Harry Potter author put Stone on blast last night, tweeting out a screenshot of his sexist rant to her nearly-ten million followers.

"This man is an advisor to the leader of the free world," she wrote. "This guy, right here."

Of course, the tweet went viral. But she didn't stop there. Rowling then went after another troll—US President Donald Trump, calling him out on his scheme to distract us from his alleged ties with Russia with bizarre allegations against Obama (again, all real).

"OhmyGod I SO can't believe you think I'm in bed with Putin bcos there's this whole thing with Obama that you don't even know nothing about," she wrote.

If you told me a few years ago that the woman who wrote Harry Potter would be defending the good of humanity against a bunch of corrupt, shady, sexist politicians, I'd be like "yeah, that makes sense."

I love you even though you bite directly into Oreos.


This is Gloria Steinem's 'f*cking' perfect response to Emma Watson's braless photo haters.

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Add feminist icon Gloria Steinem to the list of Emma Watson defenders in the face of a ludicrous "controversy" over a sexy photo shoot the Beauty and the Beastactress did for Vanity Fair.

Can Emma Watson, and other feminists, wear sexy clothes? A TMZ interviewer wanted Gloria Steinem's response, who laughed and delivered: "Yes, feminists can wear anything they fucking want. Please."

The "controversy" arises from the following photo, and the bizarre perspective offered in the Twitter caption. "Feminism feminism... gender wage gap... why oh why am I not taken seriously... feminism... oh, and here are my tits!"

When alerted to the above sentiment raging across the internet, Steinem told the camera, "Perhaps they have an incomplete idea of who women are."

Not only can feminists, and all women, wear "whatever they fucking want," she added "they should be able to walk down the street nude and be safe."

By the way, Emma Watson and Gloria Steinem have a fun history. They once got together and talked about a sexual pleasure website.

Justin Timberlake's inclusive iHeartRadio Music Awards speech is just what America needs to hear.

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This tense political climate has a lot of people feeling uneasy. At Sunday night's iHeartRadio Music Awards, Justin Timberlake made a point of reaching out to young people who might feel marginalized during a speech.

Timberlake won the iHeartRadio award for Song of the Year for his hit single, "Can't Stop The Feeling." In his acceptance speech, Timberlake made sure to deliver an inspiring message to all the young people watching.

"I wrote this song because I wanted it to be about inclusion, about love, about being together," Justin Timberlake said. "I guess I want to take this opportunity to speak to young people right now, 'cause there's a lot of you looking at me."

"If you are black or brown or gay or lesbian or you are trans, or maybe you're just a sissy singing boy from Tennessee, anyone that's treating you unkindly—it's only because they are afraid, or have been taught to be afraid of how important you are," Timberlake continued. "Because being different means you make the difference."

And if someone gives you a hard time for being who you are? "F**ck 'em," Timberlake advised. (Don't worry, he was censored.)

Timberlake 2020?

I heard a rumor that you like to gossip.

Holy crap: Jesus is on Tinder with all #blessed pickup lines.

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You see all types of dudes on Tinder, but they're mostly all the same. Yet between the workout mirror selfies and the pictures of men with tigers, Twitter user @QueenIdle just might have found the one: The Holy One.

Jesus' photo covers a whole bunch of miracles: water into wine, ample fish and bread.

His bio is gold (and chrysanthemum and myrrh).

Queen Idle didn't just swipe right, she SUPER liked,

She opened by pointing out how good the Lord and Savior looks for his age.

He's so smooth, this Jesus could be you Last Temptation.

The King of the Jews has been super busy swiping, as more girls replied with this Jesus's moves.

#Blessed.

Jesus loves you, this we know, for his right swipe tells you so.

Whoever the earthly figure behind the Lord's Tinder is, he certainly has done his research.

Who knows? Maybe Tinder could be peoples' "come to Jesus" moment.

Biology teacher uses her expertise to shut down transphobia in viral post.

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A biology teacher going by the name Grace Ann on Facebook shot down the idea of transphobia as simple science in a now-viral post. She wrote that she saw a post along the lines of "females have two X chromosomes, males have an X and a Y, it's not that I'm a bigot, it's just that science says it has to be this way."

Well, that didn't sit right with Grace Ann (being an actual science teacher and all), so she responded to that post, and then posted the response on her own page. Basically, she shoved the whole idea of chromosomes dictating gender into the trash can, where it belongs.

First the science teacher brought up a bunch of species that don't even have X and Y chromosomes (birds, for example, are ZW and ZZ) and some that develop into one sex or the other based solely on environmental conditions (lizards). Then she got to humans, and pointed out a number of cases wherein males and females don't simply have XX or XY chromosomes.

There goes your science, buddy—turns out, nope, you're just a bigot. Try learning some stuff, that might do you some good, random transphobic person, whoever you are.

Unicorn horn dildos might be the weirdest possible way to masturbate.

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Hey, here's a thing that exists: unicorn horn dildos. Why? Because the internet.No judgment, though.

The unicorn horn dildo is from Geeky Sex Toys, the same company that brought you Mighty Morphin Power Ranger-inspired butt plugs and Pokémon-inspired dildos. It's like a Hot Topic but for sex stuff!

This is how their unicorn horn dildos are described via their website:

This legendary mysteriously mystical dildo will help stimulate the most magical orgasms. The suction cup allows for more adventurous role play creating your very own fairy tale ending.

And if you are into this sort of thing, you can purchase the magical masturbation tool for only $50.00. The dildos are 100% silicone, so no unicorns were harmed in the harvesting of their horns.

Todays Unicorn Horns ready to be cleaned, packaged and sent out to their new homes 🦄 #dildo #anal #geekysextoys

A post shared by For the Naughty Nerd (@geeky_sex_toys) on

If the thought of pleasuring yourself with the spike that grows out of the forehead of a fictional horse isn't for you, then you may want to check out the site's lightsaber-inspired dildos or perhaps Green Lantern's vibrating ring. There is truly something for everyone who can't separate their general interests from their sexual interests.

Patton Oswalt's 7-year-old daughter has a brutally simple message for Donald Trump.

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Patton Oswalt is no fan of Donald Trump and apparently neither is his 7-year-old daughter, Alice. The comedian tweeted out a photo of his daughter with a very powerful message she made on a postcard for the President of the United States. It's as adorable as it is cutting.

"Calm down," she wrote, with two emojis to illustrate her own mood (😎) and the president's mood (😱). This is absolutely brutal. And it's not just for show, either. Oswalt says he already mailed it.

"Alice just made this postcard for President Trump," the comedian wrote. "I just mailed it."

Twitter is loving it.

#ImWithHer

Some worry Alice's message may be too advanced for Donald Trump.

But the best responses were from other parents.

I can't wait for these kids to grow up and run the world already.


How to enter a deep sleep.

'Manchester by the Sea' director writes furious open letter defending Casey Affleck.

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Manchester by the Sea writer-director Kenneth Lonergan recently won an Oscar for his original screenplay, and is celebrating by fuming at his college newspaper to defend the movie's star, Casey Affleck.

The Oscars oscars academy awards oscars 2017 academy awards 2017
Lonergan and Affleck: Beard Bros.

Affleck settled lawsuits for alleged sexual harassment back in 2010, which cast a shadow on his Best Actor Oscar win—including some not-so-subtle shade by presenter Brie Larson.

Following Manchester by the Sea's big night at the Oscars, a sophomore at Wesleyan, Lonergan's alma mater, wrote an opinion piece in the Wesleyan Argus arguing that the university shouldn't be so psyched about Lonergan's win, because he cast and celebrated "an accused perpetrator of sexual violence."

Somehow, adult man Lonergan caught wind of this college newspaper column, and wrote a scathing letter in response:

Connor Aberle’s article about myself, Casey, Affleck and Wesleyan’s supposed complicity in condoning sexual misconduct – and worse – by tauting me as a Wesleyan alumn after I won an Oscar last week is such a tangle of illogic, misinformation and flat-out slander that only the author’s presumed youth can possibly excuse his deeply offensive display of ignorance, and warped PC-fueled sense of indignation.

Kenneth Lonergan got litigious, and misspelled "harassed" multiple times with punctuation errors, showing just how much he was fuming.

"He writes as if Casey Affleck were actually guilty of a crime. In fact, it was alleged 7 years ago, in a civil lawsuit for breach of contract, that Casey sexually harrased [sic] two women formerly in his employ," he wrote, "Casey denounced the allegations as being totally fabricated. Like most civil suits, this one was settled out of court by mutual consent on undisclosed terms. In other words nothing was proved or disproved. So how does Mr Aberle [sic] dare to write as if he knows who was telling the truth and who was not?"

Read Lonergan's full letter over at the Wesleyan Argus, and contemplate why this accomplished, grown adult thought attacking a college sophomore would be a good idea.

Lamar Odom has a new assistant who looks exactly like his ex Khloé Kardashian. Weird.

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The gossipsphere is abuzz with news that Lamar Odom was spotted hitting the streets of Beverly Hills with a mystery woman who is the spitting image of his ex-wife, Khloé Kardashian. What's more, in one paparazzi photo they "hugged tightly," leading speculators to imagine that there were some shenanigans going on.

Wow, she really looks a lot like Khloé. Especially the hair.

KoKo

A post shared by Khloé (@khloekardashian) on

Although Kardashifans all want to believe that Odom has tried to replace Kardashian with a clone, that assumption may be premature. His rep confirmed to Us Weekly that the woman in the photo is his assistant.

But that's still weird, right? How many people hire assistants who look exactly like their exes? And what about the tight hug? WHAT ABOUT THE HUG???

Meanwhile, Kardashian has yet to comment on the situation. And why should she care? She's happy as a clam with her new boyfriend, Cleveland Cavaliers power forward Tristan Thompson.

My love 💙

A post shared by Khloé (@khloekardashian) on

❤️

A post shared by Khloé (@khloekardashian) on

This is how it goes with celebs. She finds another NBA star, and he finds another Khloé. It's a cycle.

Dad re-proposes to wife with cancer and now we're all crying.

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Cheesy as it sounds, love really does conquer all. Even breast cancer, as this couple proved recently.

18-year-old Christin Koch shared a series of photos on Twitter showing her dad re-proposing to her mom, who has recovering from breast cancer surgery.

Koch told Buzzfeed News that her parents, Lora and Jim, have been married for 26 years. Her dad surprised her mom last week with a new wedding ring to remind her that, as their wedding vows say, "he loved her even at her worst."

"My mom was so happy and she started crying every time she looked at it [the ring]," Koch told Buzzfeed. "It was adorable."

Awwww.

Christin explained to Cosmpolitan that her mom's old wedding ring had been too small for quite some time, so her dad got a new one made with diamonds from her original ring. She said Lora was floored when she received the new ring.

Christin recalled: “After he gave her the ring and had left the room my mom had told me, ‘This is what true love really is, even when I look like this he still loves me. As unattractive as I feel right now I can't believe I deserve something so beautiful.’”

AWWWWWW!!!

This is true love, folks. Here's wishing Lora a speedy recovery!

Guy on Tinder date jokes about being a serial killer and gets arrested for real.

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Turns out, a Tinder date is not the best place to try out jokes about murder. Reddit user ImmortalSnail learned this lesson the hard way. He shared his tale of woah in the "Today I fucked Up (TIFU)" subreddit and yeah, he definitely fucked up.

It all started innocently enough: Immortalsnail met a girl on Tinder (okay, not that innocently) and they met up at a restaurant. He wrote:

This are going great, she thinks I'm funnier in person (when does that ever happen?!), she actually invites me to the mall to hangout more with some of her friends when dinner is over.

But then things took a turn for the worse as they started talking about how they met.

She states she's glad I'm normal and not some sort of serial killer.

And then.....

Now I could have just laughed... I could have but I was funny remember? I replied with "Oh thanks for thinking I'm normal! But I actually am a serial killer, bodies for days buried out at the farm."

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!

"Bodies buried on the farm?"

Okay, to be fair, it's not the WORST joke. We're all guilty of dropping a serial killer joke two on a Tinder date, right?? Sure, it's not high-level satire but it can be a way to cut the tension.

But in this guy's case, the joke only created more tension. Specifically, around both of his wrists.

She laughed, I laughed, I thought I did great at making it sound sarcastic.

She excuses herself to the bathroom to do whatever girls do in bathrooms on dates. It was taking a questionably long time for her to return and I was slightly worried she bailed and stuck me with the bill, my luck right? Wrong.

So unbelievably wrong, my luck was worse as police officers suddenly appear out of nowhere and tell me to keep both of my hands visible on the table.

She laughed, I laughed, I thought I did great at making it sound sarcastic.

She excuses herself to the bathroom to do whatever girls do in bathrooms on dates. It was taking a questionably long time for her to return and I was slightly worried she bailed and stuck me with the bill, my luck right? Wrong.

So unbelievably wrong, my luck was worse as police officers suddenly appear out of nowhere and tell me to keep both of my hands visible on the table.

Ohhhhhh boy.

Immortalsnail got hauled off in a cop car to the police station where he was rigorously questioned. He recalls:

I spent the next 5-6 hours explaining myself over and over and over that I was kidding.

I guess eventually they either believed me or got tired of hearing me speak much to my lawyers disapproval (to me speaking) and let me go and reminded me that my jokes suck.

I don't know what's worse, getting arrested or being told that your jokes suck. Either way, I feel for this guy. Or, I did. But then he wrote:

I'm not sure how date number two will go but I'm excited to find out, also a bright side is that I have no idea who paid for my food.

A bad joke I can understand, but thinking you deserve a second date after your first date landed you in jail?????

Lock him up! Lock him up! Lock him up!*

*a joke

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