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I have PTSD from seeing your PDA.


People confess the pettiest reasons they broke up with a significant other.

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Have you ever broken things off with a date for petty reasons? It's okay, we've all done it. Try as we might to be open and non-judgmental, sometimes our human nature takes over. Sometimes we just cannot get over people who chew their food too loud or don't like The Lego Movie. (Just me?)

Well, good news, petty humans. We are not alone. A recent AskReddit thread asked users to reveal the pettiest reasons they broke up with a significant other. Here are 12 of the best responses.

1. As someone who once had a roommate tell me I was boiling water wrong, I get why MouthOfTheGiftHorse couldn't date this person.

There was one who told me I was cutting green peppers the wrong way... I was doing it a way that Gordon Ramsay does it, but with fewer steps.

He cuts the entire top off, then the entire bottom, while I cut a side off, then another side so it trims closer to the stem while keeping the core intact so you don't have to pick seeds out of it. What she didn't like was the fact that I cut long strips from the sides, then rotated them and diced them. I was making my own recipe that required pieces of a specific size. I let her cut a pepper just to see what she thought was right, and she more or less butchered the entire thing. We went our separate ways a week later.

2. weasel999 has no patience for crimes of fashion.

He tucked his sweater into his jeans.

3. Chase_Baldwin just couldn't move past this.

He once came with his eyes open and crossed. Just really freaked me out. I could never get the picture of his face out of my mind after that.

4. Corn dogs are extremely important to tigrovna.

I broke up with a guy because he ate all of my corn dogs. I was working a 12 hour shift (he refused to get a job), and all through my shift I was just excited that I could go home and eat a corn dog. That mf and his friends ate all 24 corn dogs within the 12 hours while I was working. They had previously done this with my Digornio's and lunch meat, but this was on another level. Don't mess with my corn dogs.

As one commenter pointed out, the corn dogs were more important than the fact that the guy was unemployed.

Over corn dogs?! I would have broken it off over not getting a job

5. ChubbyBlackWoman's story is proof that grammar is important.

He kept saying, "I seen," in this pompous voice that seemed to suggest he was using correct grammar. That got old quickly.

6. Let abs1337's story be a reminder that it's okay to text in normal sentences.

'cUs sHe TeXteD LiKe dIs! :):):):) :p:p:p:p =))))))

7. If you're going to chew with your mouth open or be mean to waiters, you're not going to date mattman1014.

Chewing your food with your mouth open. Instant no-go. Walked out of a date once, the girl was chewing like a goddamn barn animal (she was also being a horrid bitch to our server).

8. All it took for Union5-3992 to back out was some eyebrow makeup.

She was a knockout and was interested in me. But she did this weird makeup on her eyebrows that made them look an inch and a half thick so I said no.

9. Let's hope one day 37-pieces-of-flair will find their salad soulmate.

Broke up with a guy because the way he ate salad made me uncomfortable. He was pretty much attacking it, chewing with a lot of fervor, and watching me while he ate.

10. the_dove_from_above is trying to overcome some cultural differences.

I'm English and my current girlfriend doesn't like tea. I'm seriously considering ending it over this.

11. __DeadFool___ didn't know what he was getting himself into when he got married.

I'm married and if i had known that my wife doesn't put window latches all the way down when closing a window, i might just be single right now

12. Honestly, wontonudal, this would be enough to ruin even the strongest relationships.

Will probably die in all these comments but in middle school I broke up with a girl because she erased my pokemon save file

Dr. Pimple Popper brought back this smash-hit patient to pop the second 'onion' from his back.

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Earlier this week, Dr. Pimple Popper went viral with this patient and the "onions" in his back (although some said they looked more like garlic). In addition to his spectacular cysts, this man was also notable for the compelling story of his own tragic childhood that he shared with Dr. Lee, and which is chronicled in his book Scout's Dishonor. Today, Dr. Lee is back with part two of his procedure, in which she tackles his second vegetable. This one was an older cyst covered in more scar tissue, so it took a while to burst free. But burst it did.

Warning: as with the previous video, this one contains descriptions of abuse that may be triggering for other survivors.

Skip to the 7:00 mark to see the second onion get harvested.

We can't wait for part three.

Teacher’s hilariously cruel spelling prank goes viral. His students didn’t love it.

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Michigan teacher Joey Dombrowski pranked his fourth grade class by testing them on spelling words that he completely made up. Sure, it sounds cruel, but we dare you not to laugh.

Gave a fake spelling test to the kids today as an early April fools joke...

Posted by Joey Dee on Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Ohhhh, gürrr! We caught that Ru Paul's Drag Race reference in there.

Rolaskatox 4ever.

After stumping his students with a bevy of made-up words to spell, Dombrowski finally said, 'The last word to spell is April Fools!' as his students groaned and shouted 'It's not even April!!"

I mean, they do have a point. I'm pretty sure that the whole point of playing an April Fool's Day joke is to do it on April Fool's Day. But still, these kids did not find the prank nearly as funny as everyone else did.

Now this is a cruel April Fool's Day prank.

Wazamata? You kids never hear the words 'chchch' or 'Speekuzslmn' before?

My favorite cookbook is a takeout menu.

Ooh la la, this NSFW fashion campaign features actual couples having sex.

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Fashion brand Eckhaus Latta is selling you clothes by showing you how much fun you can have while wearing—and eventually removing—those clothes. The NYC/LA-based brand's suuuuuuuper NSFW ad campaign for their Spring 2017 line features photographs of actual couples having sex.

May I remind you these images are Not Safe For Work—unless you work at a nudist resort or a sex shop or your boss is very open minded in a fun (not creepy) way, in which case by all means keep reading this article at your work computer.

Here are some highlights from the new campaign that are not for the prudish-at-heart:

Oooooooh la la. I'm not sure this campaign makes me want to buy clothes per se. But it definitely left an impression!

What do you think: does seeing naked people doing it with their lovers make you want to buy clothes? Is this an effective marketing campaign, or just free porn?

Awesome little girl has savage response to boyfriend who tried to win her back after dumping her.

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The internet has two new heroes in these little girls who know when it's time to walk away from a bad relationship. In this viral tweet from @girlswithtoys, a youngster explains how the no-good boy at school who dumped her tried to win her back by giving her a bracelet. Her response was as savage as it was crafty. But no description can give justice to the way she tells it—especially with the help of her hype girl in the back.

Seeing girls like these, there's no question that women will be ruling the world 20 years from now. And we'll be better off for it.

Your secret is safe with me and the five people I'm going to tell.


Chris Pratt takes a moment to honor his 'cut-ass butt cheeks' on Instagram.

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Eating right is hard, even for super fit celebrities who play superheroes and dinosaur-wranglers in movies.

Chris Pratt has been training for his role in the upcoming Jurassic World sequel, and part of that is maintaining a super healthy diet. In his latest installment of his beloved Instagram video series, #WhatsMySnack, Pratt showed off his healthy cucumber and egg wrap, and took a moment to celebrate his "cut-ass butt cheeks."

Chris Pratt admits that his cucumber and egg wrap isn't quite as enjoyable as he hoped it would be, but it was worth it.

"It's basically exactly like a sandwich but instead of bread you used thinly sliced cucumbers and instead of meat you use sprouts and chopped up eggs and instead of flavor you get nutrition," Pratt wrote.

"Like I always said, eating is no longer the fun part, flexing my butt cheeks in the mirror is."

Looks like all of his hard work is paying off. "Cut-ass butt cheeks" do indeed make the sacrifice worth it.

8 April Fools pranks on teachers so funny, they're worth detention.

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Sometimes, teachers just have to respect all the hard work students put into their projects, even if that project is a prank. April Fools Day is anxious in the classroom, where mischief can strike at any moment. These April Fools pranks show that when students are passionate and focused, students really can accomplish anything.

1. The Pregnancy Prank

This one is already stuff of legend, with over 54 million views on YouTube. Masterful in its realism and execution, these students turned their professor's rule that all incoming phone calls be put on speakerphone into perfect cringe comedy.

2. The Flash Mob Prank

These girls put on an impressive production, with a stellar pivot from the lecture on the Industrial Revolution. The teacher's reaction, caught on two cameras, is priceless.

3. The Airhorn Prank

A hidden airhorn is a next-level whoopi cushion that makes regular old farts seem mundane. This one comes with its own sample for a diss track.

3. The Bluetooth Speaker Prank

This teacher just seems like most fun uncle at the barbecue, who isn't mad when you accidentally throw the frisbee up on the roof, just disappointed.

4. The Saran Wrap Prank

If only he were the sex ed teacher: he could use this as a metaphor for sperm and condoms.

5. The Penis Prank

This Sharpie trick is worth the fine for vandalism.

6. The Dance Party Prank

You don't need music to throw an incredible dance party—just a crew willing to risk detention.

7. The Roll Call Prank

Mike Hock, close personal friend of Mike Hunt, Seymour Butts and Munchma Quchi.

8. The Computer Smash Prank

One would think that the dude who smashes a computer would be the angriest person in this video, but no—this one's all about the teacher's reaction.

Woman who lost 186 lbs starts GoFundMe to remove her 'apron' of excess skin.

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Kayla Butcher is a 24-year-old telemarketer and self-described "funky haired lady" from Winsor, Ontario, who has documented her impressive 186 pound weight loss on Instagram over the past year. 186 pounds is like a full grown man. I've lost one of those before and I know it feels great! I'll be here all week, folks!

In addition to changing her diet and exercising, Butcher underwent gastric bypass surgery in February of 2016, which she says helped her lose weight because it forced her to quit her "drug of choice cold turkey." She looks amazing and happy:

But though her health and happiness seem to have skyrocketed, she still struggles with a downside of extreme weight loss: loose skin.

Butcher calls the ring of loose skin around her belly her "apron" and said the "next chapter" in her weight loss process is to work on removing it.

But this gets expensive. Although her gastric bypass surgery was covered by the Canadian government, cosmetic surgery to remove loose skin is not. To remove the excess skin from her arms, legs, stomach and breasts could cost her upwards of $20,000. Yikes.

So Butcher is appealing to the kindness of strangers, by starting a GoFundMe page to help cover the costs. On the page, she outlines her whole weight loss journey and explains why she needs financial help:

Hi,
My name is Kayla Butcher and I am looking for any help I can get to allow me to get my excess skin removal surgeries done.
Let me tell you a little about myself, I am 24 years old and I work full time at a call center . I had Roux en y gastric bypass surgery on February 8th, 2016. I topped the scale at 376.5 pounds before surgery. I am down to 191 pounds. I am not done yet. I am so incredibly proud of myself and how far I have come.
Unfortunately even after losing 185 pounds I am now left with excessive loose skin that will need surgery to fix. It is considered a cosmetic surgery and is not covered.
It is very emotionally difficult to deal with, finally being freed from the weight I've carried since I was a child but still feeling trapped inside a body that constantly reminds me of the lifetime of pain and struggle. Wearing clothes is more difficult and being intimate is even more so daunting than before. Things like wearing swimsuits. I have started saving here and there myself but need some help.
I left a very unhealthy home environment at 16 years old and have been doing it on my own since. I am momma Bear to the rest of my siblings and friends. I do all I can on a regular basis to help others in need and I am now asking for some help in return. No one's life is easy that's for sure, however I have struggled to get by at this point and it would take me years to save for these surgeries on my own. I have become a really big inspiration for alot of people and keep being asked to make a go fund me so people can help out, any donations are greatly appreciated.

Thank you so much, sending all my love from this funky haired lady!

In the past week, she's already raised $2,075 of her $10k goal. Get it, girl!

Ever wondered why knights fight snails in Medieval art? No? Well here’s why anyway!

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Hey, have you ever been browsing one of your favorite illuminated manuscripts from the Medieval period and noticed that there happen to be a lot of doodles of knights fighting snails in the margins? Of course! We've all obviously been there!

Well,Vox made a video exploring the possible explanations for these bizarre illustrations, and the reason behind them might be more petty than you think.

If you thought that horse-sized snails roamed the Earth hundreds of years ago and knights had to battle them in order to save their villages from slime, you are sadly mistaken.

Although it is hard to find a concrete reason for the existence of these snail drawings, Scholar Lilian Randall theorizes that they represent the Lombards, a Germanic people who invaded Italy, and that the illustrations are meant to mock them. So basically these were some Medieval memes, and the illustrators were just trolling people. Guess we haven't changed so much after all!

I’m thinking about increasing the number of days I lie about going to the gym.

'Nice guy' tries to get woman to leave her long-term boyfriend for him with insane, rambling letter.

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Women have learned to be wary of self-proclaimed "nice guys," and for good reason. One Reddit user recently posted a long, rambling letter she received from an acquaintance in the r/niceguys subreddit, asking her to leave her long-term boyfriend for him.

In the comments on the post, the woman clarified that she'd moved across the country with her boyfriend of three years and began working at a restaurant. About a month later, one of her new co-workers, a guy she'd become friendly with, handed her this letter.

The letter is pretty much just a jumble of nonsense, but basically, her new "nice guy" co-worker was writing to explain to her why he was better for her than her boyfriend.

While this very... um, poetic (?)letter is admittedly a little difficult to decipher, poopsie_doodle did her best to transcribe it for the wider Reddit audience to enjoy.

Here's what it says:

[Redacted]

courage, ill-timed, quickly becomes foolishness so, for nigh on a year, i have fallen upon my boulder-stubborn conundrum as a river. now, however, i feel I may be close to losing some, if not all, of the brilliant words and precious laughter which vibrate so shapely from within my [Redacted] choicest mornings. so here, legs tensed for the leap and breath held for the fall, I am prepared to move boulders, any mountains worth if youll let me.

you say [Redacted] is what you need right now. shame be on me for not crying out my objection instantly. that fortress of reason has given you much but, i do not believe he has anything more to offer. i believe his stasis, perfect for the [Redacted] of three years ago, can but only become your stasis. i offer you no argument against your need to steadfast Reason But, his is a cornerstone from some city structure, It's pressure-washed and rectilinear.

[Redacted] i have spent the worthwhile part of my life attaining to stillness so that here, searching for the peace inside the tempest, I may offer those years, those hours, to you. i offer you my fungus and graffiti, my vermiculate core and the cicatrix across my skin in exchange for your magenta-rare ruins and, your obsidian-thick umbrage, for the paise of your storms steam-blanched skirt and the wilderness of its center.

lay your vines across my side and let me hold you safe, but only that you may swing free through the wilds of the sky be on my team, and i will be your champion. give me your evenings i will rub your feet until you fall asleep as often as you'll let me [Redacted] before and after everything, lay down this garden bed, that we may grow our antiquated magic.

at your pleasure,

[Redacted]

Um. What? Are those even sentences? Why is he offering her his "fungus and graffiti?" Is that some kind of gross euphemism?

For those saying to themselves, "Ugh and she has to WORK with this guy?!" Never fear. Poopsie_doodle also posted an update saying that she's spoken to her manager about the letter. He let her go home so she wouldn't have to work a shift with this guy, and he's going to talk to him about the letter, with her permission.

Guys. Please. If you're going to write girls weird letters asking them to leave their long-term partners, at least write them weird letters that make a little bit of sense.

Actually, no. Just don't write girls weird letters.

Woman tries to let guy down easy, gets insane rant about being a 'typical white girl.'

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If you're a fan of seeing poorly-adjusted manchildren lash out at women while pretending they're being chivalrous, r/niceguys is the subreddit for you. Women flock to this message board to share examples of self-proclaimed "nice guys" revealing themselves as total psychos.

Today's example is a perfect illustration of this phenomenon. Redditor octopusfreak uploaded a text conversation she had with a man, along with the caption, "Decided to let this guy I'd been out with twice down easy, instead of fading out or ghosting. Instant regret." It definitely makes ghosting seem like a better option.

Here are the texts in closeup:

Can you imagine what he would have texted if she had ghosted him? Some guys just won't let you break it off without watching them self-destruct first.


One detail in Kylie Jenner's Snapchat has fans convinced she broke up with Tyga.

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Today I bring you this maybe-news about your favorite family to hate obsessing over: Kylie Jenner may have broken up with her long-term boyfriend, Tyga. Fans think the couple, who have been together (on and off and on and off) for about two years, broke up because of one tiny detail in a Snapchat Kylie posted of her and her BFF Jordyn Woods at dinner last night.

Can you spot the sign of singledom? No, it's not the fact that she's sitting on someone else's lap.

Fans noticed that in the pic, Kylie's left hand is bare. Usually, the model wears a whopping rock the size of my whole apartment on her left hand. It's a promise ring Tyga gave her last year:

To answer your question, Kylie, I think your engagement ring would look something like this:

I have a few questions if they did, in fact, break up: does this have anything to do with Blac Chyna (who has a child with Tyga as well as a child with Kylie Jenner's half-brother Rob Kardashian, got that?) ranting on Snapchat yesterday about Tyga not paying child support? Also does Kylie get to keep the $200,000 Mercedez Maybach Tyga bought her for her 19th birthday last August? And did they ever get to have that threesome?

Also, why do I care????? And since you read this far, clearly you care too. But why????

Maybe we'll never know.

Let's move in together so I can leave my apartment even less often.

The only public bathroom law I'd support is banning people who don't courtesy flush.

Hosts diss James Van der Beek's career to his face on live TV.

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"What happened to the main man himself, Mr. James Van Der Beek?"

James Van Der Beek appeared on This Morning with Phillip & Holly, and was welcomed with a roast.

After listing his Dawson Creek's co-star's ample accomplishments—Michelle Williams's four Oscar nominations, Joshua Jackson's gig on premium cable—host Phillip Schofield pitched "the Beek" like he's been a J.D. Salinger-ing recluse ever since.

Schofield clearly isn't a fan of Don't Trust the B— in Apartment 23, which you need to fix, Philip.

James van der Beek has been busy over the past twenty years, people. He doesn't want to wait for his life to be over.

Justin Theroux gave Jennifer Aniston an empty piñata on her birthday for the saddest reason.

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Sometimes I envy celebrities but sometimes I feel sorry for them. Especially when I hear about their diets. I have a voracious sweet tooth. So this story about Jennifer Aniston receiving a piñata on her birthday that was empty because of her dietary restrictions breaks my mini-Snickers-loving heart.

Rachel from Friends Aniston recently spent her birthday in Cabo San Lucas with her husband, Justin Theroux, and her BFF Courtney Cox. And the story starts out super-cute. "We do special things. I did a little night for her birthday where we went to a special dinner and had a piñata," Theroux told E! News.

But then, things took a tragic turn.

"Actually, we didn't put anything in the piñata," he said. "We had a piñata and didn't end up smashing. What are you going to put in it? Kale? She doesn't eat candy!"

Justin Theroux did admit that a piñata full of kale would be a terrible thing, and then jokingly suggested trying it out for a kid's birthday. "Watch 20 10-year-olds cry," he said. Ha ha ha. Ha.

Aniston has revealed what her diet consists of, and it definitely doesn't leave room for candy. "It's pretty clear: eat as much organic fruits and veggies as you can, keep sugar [intake] low, drink tons and tons of water, and get good sleep," she said last year.

I GUESS that sounds reasonable. But on her BIRTHDAY though???

Sure, I know some people have it much, much worse than candy-deprived Jennifer Aniston. And her dietary restrictions are technically a choice. But just imagine this: it's your birthday. You see a beautiful, tantalizing, brightly-colored piñata dangling from the ceiling, full of promise and possibility. But inside there is not one baby Snickers. Zero tiny Twizzlers. Bite-sized Butterfingers? Not a one.

It's devastating. How can she ever recover from this? How can WE ever recover from this?

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