On Wednesday night on Full Frontal,hostSamantha Bee inducted Ivanka Trump into "The Greatest Feminists in Feminism Herstory Hall of Lady Fame" to celebrate her new role as her father's assistant in the White House.

While her husband Jared Kushner serves as the Hand of the King, Ivanka has been declared to be daddy's "eyes and ears."

But as Donald Trump's "eyes and ears," Ivanka Trump will "spending a lot of time staring at her own boobies," Bee jokes.

Some liberals pinned their hopes on the graceful daughter to be a "moderating force" and feminist ally. The media claimed that Ivanka Trump would be an advocate for climate science when she met with Leonardo DiCaprio.

But as Samantha Bee says, “Meeting with Leo DiCaprio is not a sign that you care about climate change, it’s a sign you were a teenager in the ’90s.”

Bee gave a comprehensive rundown on why the fantasy that Ivanka Trump is a chip off the old man's block: just as corrupt and superficial, but with better hair.

Ivanka Trump's White House role comes down to eight simple words: “pushing her dad’s dodgy agenda with a smile.”

Fitness trackers are helpful little gadgets for anyone looking to get in shape, but it turns out they may be more useful than we realize. As one woman in Connecticut found out recently, wearing a Fitbit could just save your life.

According to CNN, 73-year-old Patricia Lauder became concerned when she noticed her Fitbit was displaying an alarmingly high resting heart rate. She'd been in and out of the doctor's office while battling a sinus infection and was waiting on some test results, but decided to call 911 when her heart rate skyrocketed to over 100 beats per minute.

Because of the data her Fitbit had saved, Lauder knew that her normal resting heart rate was between 60 and 70 beats per minute, so seeing it display 140 beats per minute was very concerning.

"I just couldn't wait anymore. Something else had to be done, which is why I called the ambulance -- which turned out to be a good thing," Lauder told CNN.

It's a good thing she went to the hospital when she did. A scan revealed that Lauder's increase in heart rate was being caused by blood clots in both her lungs. The blockage caused her heart to work a lot harder to make up for the lower oxygen levels.

After looking at Lauder's CT scan, Dr. JuYong Lee, director of vascular and endovascular medicine at UConn Health Calhoun Cardiology Center, decided to apply clot-busting drugs directly into Lauder's blood clots through a catheter. Within 24 hours, the blood clots were gone and Lauder's heart and lung function had returned to normal.

"I think the Fitbit actually helped her decide whether or not this was a serious condition at that time," Dr. Lee said. "This condition is very critical, and she may have actually died if she had not sought medical attention."

Yikes! We're glad that Lauder is on the road to recovery. I guess FitBits have a higher purpose than just making you feel bad for not getting all your steps in. And hey, if your fitness tracker is displaying some wacky data, it may be a good idea to go get it checked out.

Sofia Vergara is currently one-half of the hottest married couple in all of the land. But before she got together with Joe "Whole Lotta" Manganiello, the Modern Family star was briefly engaged to a man named Nick Loeb who is currently suing her for custody of two of her frozen embryos. The couple froze them while they were together, and he now wants to have them planted in a surrogate.

This guy's a real piece of work. And it sounds like he wasn't exactly a peach while they were dating, either. According to Page Six, a letter Loeb wrote to Sofia Vergara in 2014 while they were engaged has been filed in court proceedings, and in it Loeb revealed that he didn't like when Vergara spoke Spanish. Her native language.

He wrote:

What I do not like and what I will not put up with anymore is the Spanish, and no I do not like hanging out with you when you speak in Spanish with others at the table . . . Not only is it rude and disrespectful, it is classless. And for you to then berate, embarrass and humiliate me in front of others when I ask you to stop is not happening anymore.

Of course, it can be impolite to speak in a language someone doesn't understand if you're doing it to make them feel bad or left out. But calling his Colombian-American fiancé "classless" for speaking in her native language?? ¡Ayyyy dios mio! No wonder she "berated" him.

Querido Nick Loeb, lo siento mucho que no le guste el español pero tengo que decirte que eres un pendejo.

Prom season is almost here, and promposal competition is running high, but we've got a strong contender for winner here. Davis Looney, a high school senior from Texas, asked his girlfriend Cameron to go to the prom with him using a green teapot, just like the one Jim Halpert gave to Pam Beesly in the second season of The Office.

For those of you who aren't familiar with the show, Jim and Pam are basically everyone's favorite TV couple (never mind that the show hasn't been on the air for a few years). In a secret Santa episode, Jim gives Pam a green teapot filled with some of their inside jokes, as well as a letter revealing his romantic feelings for her.

Speaking to BuzzFeed, Looney explained that both he and Cameron are big Office fans, and that the sweet relationship between Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly was their favorite part of the show. So, for his promposal, Looney dressed in a button down shirt and tie (Jim Halpert-style) and got a green teapot. Inside he placed a note reading, "Prom?" and gave it to Cameron.

Davis Looney told BuzzFeed,

Jim was always so creative and clever with his gifts to Pam. I was inspired by his gift to her in the ‘Christmas Party’ episode, and decided to do the same sort of thing with Cameron in the form of a promposal. She’s awesome — totally deserved it.

Judging from the picture in his tweet, Cameron was pretty happy.

And she wasn't the only happy one—Jenna Fischer (who played Pam Beesly on The Office) retweeted Looney's promposal tweet, along with the words, "Well done!"

Another terrible "Wheel of Fortune" guess is making the rounds on Thursday, and this one's definitely in the conversation for worst of all time. As a refresher, the letters already on the board are for sure supposed to be included in your guess. But if you want to go viral, I suppose you can just scream "POPSICLE BIKE" and hope for the best.

The category was "Living Thing."

In this moment, we are all Pat Sajak, saying "uh, no" and wondering what has happened to the world.

Also worth noting (when you're debating if this guess was worse than this one or this one) is the fact that this appears to be a couples round of Wheel of Fortune, and this brave lady either:

A.) Consulted her husband, and they decided to scream popsicle bike.

B.) Thought to herself, "I got this," and shouted popsicle bike.

The answer was "honeysuckle bush."

Shia LaBeouf was removed from a Los Angeles bowling alley for exploding at a bartender who refused to serve him french fries. He has never been more on brand.

In this video obtained by TMZ, you can see LaBeouf getting confrontational with the bartender as fellow patrons tried their best to stifle their laughter. As LaBeouf was being escorted out of the establishment for his behavior, he can be heard calling the bartender a "f****** racist b****" and yelling an emphatic "you f***** up!" He also accused the bartender of trying to hit him on the head.

Well, a couple of things are weird about this. It is unclear how 1) the bartender was being racist and 2) why the bartender refused to give Shia his fries. Looks like we found the subject of our new hit mystery-solving podcast.

According to TMZ, Shia LaBeouf returned to the bowling alley after being removed because he realized he was still wearing bowling shoes and needed to get his street shoes. After acquiring the proper footwear, LeBeouf was seen running from the establishment. A run of shame, perhaps? Who knows, Shia LeBeouf is a weird dude.

Seeing Ariana Grande without her signature ponytail is extremely rare. They go together, much like peanut butter and jelly. But is it possible that Ariana Grande may be leaving her ponytail behind?

In a shocking move, Ariana posted a rare selfie to Instagram on Wednesday where she was wearing her hair DOWN! (I know, I know. Change is hard. We'll be okay.)

You're probably thinking that was just a fluke, right? Ariana Grande can't possibly forgo her signature ponytail for more than a day, right? WRONG. The pop star posted yet another photo with her hair down on Thursday afternoon.

But what does this all mean, Ariana? Surely you can't be parting ways with the ponytail for good? Have you outgrown the high ponytail? Must we all just accept the fact that as time goes on, people change and so do their hairstyles? I NEED ANSWERS!

On Thursday, comedy fans the world over were saddened to hear of the death of legendary insult comic Don Rickles, who succumbed to kidney failure at the age of 90. Rickles, whose comedy career spanned seven decades, was known for his brutally incisive crowd work, which he famously would unleash on anybody: celebrities, politicians, presidents, kids, hockey pucks… It was a unique style that earned him the nickname "Mr. Warmth." As soon as news of his death broke, tributes started pouring out on social media from his fellow comedians and other famous fans.

Comedy, and our collective self-esteem, will never be the same.

Jared Kushner, Son-in-Law in Chief, was in on Iraq on Monday to meet the Iraqi Prime Minister and discuss how his expertise in having married Ivanka Trump could help defeat ISIS.

Twitter couldn't help but notice that Jared Kushner looked as out of place as he was, wearing a bulletproof vest over a preppy blazer like he had to go to war in the afternoon but make sure he was ready to play croquet in the evening. Of course, Jared's great adventure quickly became a hilarious meme:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

19.

20.

21.

If I could read minds, I'd first and foremost use my powers to find out what the hell Chris Brown was thinking when he tweeted this early yesterday morning:

"SUMMER 17 has to be about the WOMEN!!!" he wrote with a heart and kiss-emoji. Dude.

Maybe the 28-year-old rapper was hoping we'd forget about that time he beat up Rihanna in 2009. Or in 2015 when he allegedly assaulted a woman on his tourbus. Or two months ago when his ex-girlfriend, Karrueche Tran, alleged that he beat and threatened to kill her.

But Twitter hasn't forgotten. And many, many people have been quick to point out that he has NO business positioning himself as an ally to women.

Chris Brown wants summer to be "about the women." And this is a taste of what that means. Good try, buddy.

The owner of an upscale Italian restaurant named Caruso's in Mooresville, North Carolina, made the controversial decision to ban kids under five-years-old in his establishment. And despite taking some flak for the ban on social media, you know what? Overall, business at Caruso's is booming.

Speaking to the Mooresville Tribune, Caruso's owner, Pasquale Caruso, explained that before instituting the new ban, he "had several customers complain, get up and leave because children were bothering them, and the parents were doing nothing. It started to feel like it wasn’t Caruso’s anymore, that it was a local pizzeria instead.”

So in December 2016, Caruso decided to stop allowing kids under five inside in order to keep the upscale atmosphere his patrons had come to expect from his restaurant. He explained that he didn't really want to have to go this route, but he did have to do what was best for the business overall.

He told the Mooresville Tribune:

I try to please everyone, and create a nice atmosphere, keeping the restaurant elegant. I want it to be a place where couples and friends can have a nice evening out. I was starting to lose money and customers, because I had very young children coming in, throwing food, running around and screaming.

The restaurant's manager, Yoshi Nunez, claims that a young girl with an iPad at full volume was the last straw. Nunez told the Washington Post that staff asked the parents to turn the volume down, but they refused:

“Finally, we had to ask them to leave. They were upset, but they didn’t seem to care about what the other guests thought. We tried to be nice about the situation, but we’re here to take care of customers and we can’t tell a parent how to control their kids."

Some critics took to Caruso's Facebook page to express their displeasure at the rule. For example, one person wrote, “Next you will be kicking out all the elderly because they take to long to eat. Slippery slope!”

But overall, the change has been great for business. Caruso told the Washington Post that since changing the policy, reservations have risen and the number of people patronizing the restaurant daily has gone from around 50 to 80. Caruso said:

People don’t want to come in and spend money on a nice meal and an evening out, when there’s constantly food on the floor, loud electronic devices keeping kids entertained, and small children screaming. It was just the right decision for my business.

Now that winter is finally behind us, Kim Kardashian wants to make sure you have all the accessories you need to get ready for summer fun. The first item on the list? This pool float, modeled after Kim's butt.

That's right, my friends. For just $98, you can purchase one of these novelty butt floats on Kimoji. ($98! Wow! How reasonable for an inflatable piece of plastic in the shape of a reality star's toosh!)

Picture this my friends: It's summer. You're on vacation. You float up to the hotel pool bar on a replica of Kim Kardashian's butt. Everyone's looking at you. "Wow," they think to themselves. "My swan float could never compete with that."

On board yet? These people are!

Sadly, though, some Twitter users don't see the appeal of floating into paradise on Kim Kardashian's hiney.

Their loss.

Stephen Crowley is a designer in Dublin with a very dark, very Dad sense of humor. On his Instagram, Crowley has Photoshopped a series of photos of his adorable daughter in scary situations. They're so well edited, they'll give you a heart attack.

Cliffhanger.

Knife fight.

Living on the edge.

And on the ledge.

Christmas mischief.

Flying high.

Baby driver.

Climbing the ladder.

Hannah is now 18 months old, and was diagnosed with a rare immune disorder called HLH. She spent six months in the hospital, where she received chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant from an anonymous donor.

Stephen Crowley tells Mashablethat thankfully, Hannah has gotten better. "She's lots of fun, always smiling, and has a great sense of humor given what she's been through so far," she says.

Since the Photoshops started going viral, Crowley hopes to use the attention to raise awareness for Be The Match, the bone marrow registry that helped Hannah.

A teacher at Fox Chapel Middle School in Hernando County, Florida has been fired after parents complained that a homework assignment she gave her sixth grade students included "inappropriate" "racist" and "offensive" questions about sexual orientation, race and religion, WPTV reports.

The homework assignment was titled "How Comfortable Am I?" and asked students to rate how "comfortable" they would feel in various hypothetical situations from a scale of one ("not comfortable at all") to four ("completely comfortable").

These were the 41 scenarios, via Imgur:

The questionnaire includes scenarios like "a friend invites you to a gay bar," "your new suitemates are Mexican" and "a group of young Black men are walking towards you on the street," and some parents freaked out. Turns out they were "not comfortable at all" with the whole assignment.

"'How comfy are you if you see a group of black men walking to you on the street?' That's completely inappropriate," said Jennifer Block, whose 12-year-old daughter was in the class. "In no world, whatsoever, is that OK to question a child on."

It wasn't just parents who thought the assignment crossed a line. "I thought it was very inappropriate," said sixth grader Tori Drews, who was given the assignment. "I thought some of them were racist. I thought some of them were sexist. I thought it was completely intolerable."

"In no way, does that assignment meet the standards of appropriate instructional material," said the Hernando County School District in a statement after the teacher was fired.

Apparently the homework was handed out in a class called Leader In Me, where the kids were learning about "accepting people's differences." My guess is this teacher's intentions were good. But there must be a better way to teach acceptance than forcing sixth graders to admit they're racist, sexist or homophobic.

On a scale of one-to-four, how "comfortable" are you with this teacher getting fired over this?

Like a few other members of the Kardashian Klan, Rob Kardashian has been in a on-again, off-again relationship that has fans constantly speculating WTF is going on?!?! (And non-fans screaming "I DON'T CARE" into the internet void.)

But for those of you who do care (no shame!): it seems the couple might be over for real. A single detail in new photos of Rob's fiancé of one year, Blac Chyna, has people convinced that the turbulent relationship is officially dunzo.

Can you spot it?

Look very closely at her hands.

That's right: she has FIVE FINGERS on her left hand. And not one of them has a ring on it.

Blac Chyna was photographed at the opening of Tao LA on Tuesday without Rob Kardashian OR the 7-carat diamond ring she usually wears since he proposed to her a year from yesterday.

And an anonymous "insider" told E! News that the engagement is off:

Chyna and Rob are certainly not together or engaged. In fact, Chyna gave the engagement ring back to Rob when they broke up last month...Something caused them to have a blowout fight, and Chyna gave the ring back and it was done. They officially are not engaged. There is no wedding.

So maybe it's for the best that Blac Chyna won't be taking the Kardashian name, after all?

On a slightly brighter note, the same insider claims the couple is keeping it "amicable" for the sake of their four-month-old daughter, Dream."They are amicable and get along when it comes to Dream," said the source. "There's no set day or times that Rob will take [care of] Dream. They haven't fully figured it out yet, but they are working on it."

If this is true, it's sad. But I can't lie, I'm not entirely shocked these two couldn't make it work.

Hillary Clinton spoke at the Women in the World summit earlier today, discussing the first 100 days of the Trump administration and her defeat in the 2016 election with The New York Times' Nicholas Kristof. And of course I would never want to do a disservice to the important points she brought up during that conversation. But, guys, the thing is, she mentioned her favorite meme.

Yes, it's very adorable that she called it a gif. And yes, she's talking about this:

Also, she said it was gratifying to see the GOP suck so hard at attempting to create their own healthcare:

So yes, like I said, there were probably lots of other important things said. But I think we covered the essentials here.

In a news story that bears unbelievable similarities to The Jungle Book, a girl around eight years old was discovered in a forest in India where she had been living "comfortably" with a tribe of monkeys, the Times of India reports.​​​​​​Police reportedly rescued the "Mowgli girl" from a tribe of monkeys after she was spotted by a park ranger in the Katarniaghat Wildlife Sanctuary in Uttar Pradesh.

"She was terrified of us, she could not speak or hear properly," one of her rescuers, Inspector Ram Avtar, told Cover Asia Press in a statement, according to the New York Post. "She was surrounded by three monkeys. She had wounds on her body, specifically on her elbow and one on her leg. She was wearing clothes but not very dirty." He added that she "appeared to be abandoned by her family."

This is so heartbreaking.

The Times reports that she cannot speak or understand any (human) language, is scared of humans, and often behaves violently towards the doctors trying to treat her (like any human raised by monkeys would). When they first found her, she would swing her arms and walk on four legs.

Since her rescue, the girl has been in a district hospital for two months, where she is being taught to communicate and walk on two legs, Cover Asia Press reports. Dr. Dinesh Singh, who is treating her, said she is recovering slowly and "now walks like a human," but has tried to run away from the hospital. And can you blame her?

I can't imagine what's more traumatic—living in the forest with monkeys, or being plucked from your monkey family by weird hairless creatures who speak a foreign language and force you to walk on two legs.

Lots of media sources are calling her "Mowgli girl" after the young protagonist in The Jungle Book who lived in the forest among animals, quite happily aside from a few mishaps.

I hope this little girl will find her way into a loving family. And I also hope she learns to speak, and eventually write, her story. That'll be one hell of a memoir.