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I'm excited to have only four days to hear about your three-day weekend.


Tiger Woods was arrested for DUI. Here's what you need to know.

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Tiger Woods has found himself in a bit of trouble on Monday when he was arrested in Florida for suspicion of a DUI, AKA driving under the influence.

Woods was arrested in Jupiter, FL, at around 3 a.m. on Monday, police spokeswoman Kristin Righter said, per CNN. He was booked into a local jail and released a few hours later on his own recognizance with no bond, per the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office's online records.

According to CNN, Woods is claiming that alcohol had nothing to do with his DUI. The golfer is currently recovering from back surgery, and says he "had an unexpected reaction to prescribed medications." In a statement given to media outlets, Woods said he didn't realize the mix of medications "had affected me so strongly."

NBC 4 reports that Woods had fallen asleep at the wheel of his car, according to the probable cause affidavit. The story goes like this: An officer with the Jupiter Police Department spotted a black Mercedes stopped in the right lane near an intersection just before 2 a.m. The officer approached the car and had to wake up Woods, who, according to NBC 4, was "confused but cooperative." Woods was in the driver's seat with his seatbelt on and the car running, according to the affidavit.

A mugshot's worth 1,000 words.

The report states that Woods was "extremely sleepy" and his speech was "slow and slurred." He initially told the police officer that he was coming from Los Angeles on a golf trip, before admitting that he didn't know where he was and asking the officer how far he was from his house.

According to NBC 4, the arrest report lists narcotics as the reason for Woods' DUI, consistent with Woods' statement that his prescription drugs were to blame. He did pass a breath test.

Woods was given a mandatory court date in Palm Beach Gardens on July 5.

In his statement to media outlets, Woods apologized to his family and friends. "I understand the severity of what I did and I take full responsibility for my actions," he said. "I will do everything in my power to assure this never happens again."

Of course, news of Woods' arrest spread quickly, and media outlets everywhere were sent scrambling on a quest to find the perfect headline. The New York Post and the New York Daily News, both of which are known for puns in their cover story headlines, actually ended up making the same joke.

You have to hand it to them. That's a pretty great pun.

This isn't the first time Tiger Woods has caused a ruckus on the streets of Florida. Back in 2009, a scandal erupted after Woods ended up in the hospital for injuries from a car accident outside his home in Orlando late Thanksgiving night. His then-wife, Elin Nordegren, had chased him out of their house with a golf club after learning that he'd cheated on her ... and not just with one woman. By December 11 of that year, 14 women had come forward to say they had also slept with Tiger Woods.

According to The New York Post, Woods reportedly admitted to sleeping with 120 women and entered rehab for sex addiction. He and Nordegren officially divorced in 2010.

We hope this really is just a case of Tiger having a bad reaction to his medications and not something more sinister. We guess we'll have to wait and see.

5 people having a worse Tuesday than you.

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Because of the long weekend, Tuesday is Monday and Monday is Tuesday, so let's get to the belated schadenfreude fest!

5. Kris Jenner, because she's so damn mad about Caitlyn Jenner's book, there's only a 2% chance they'll ever speak again.

The Ex Factor.

Caitlyn Jenner recently released a new memoir, The Secrets of My Life, in which she shares secrets of her life that her ex Kris Jenner insists are untrue.

On Watch What Happens Live, Kim Kardashian played a classic round of "Plead the Fifth," and spilled the beans/the tea on Caitlyn and Kris's relationship, which could ultimately be adapted into a season of Ryan Murphy's Feud.

Asked what are the chances that Caitlyn and Kris will ever speak again, Kim said "zero," before upgrading it to 2, because of Kendall and Kylie.

According to The Daily Beast, Kris is "irate" about some of the details in Caitlyn's book and insisting that a lot of the details were made up.

In the book, Caitlyn wrote:

"I tell Kris about my gender issues before I make love to her. This will always be a subject of dispute between us. She insists that she was taken by surprise by my ultimate transition to Caitlyn, which obviously means in her mind that she did not know enough."

On a recent episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Kris vented about her portrayal in the book to Khloe and Kim.

"I read it and basically the only nice thing she had to say was that I was great socially at a party one time," she said. "Everything she says is all made up. Why does everything have to be that ‘Kris is such a bitch?’"

Breakups are impossibly tough—with and without memoirs and reality shows.

Whatever it takes, girl.

4. Justin Trudeau, because he got shaded by the Pope.

The Pope took a sacred oath to resist this face.

Here's something that Justin Trudeau and Donald Trump have in common, in addition to resentment of their southern neighbors: glum pictures with the pope.

Trudeau and his wife Sophie Gregoire-Trudeau met Pope Francis at the Vatican on Monday and Pontifex looked less than thrilled.

Pope Francis delivered a similar look in his photo op with the Trump family, which launched a million memes.

This smug mug could have a little something to do with the fact that Trudeau asked the Pope to apologize for the Catholic Church's role in abusing Indigenous Canadians at church-run schools.

Or maybe the author of a treatise on climate change gave the Canadian Prime Minister a stern talking-to about the need to protect the environment.

Or maybe the Pope has gotten tired of seeing thirsty Trudeau memes on Twitter and wanted to mix it up.


3. Tiger Woods, because he got arrested for a DUI without even drinking.

Is this Tiger Woods or Florida's closest Tiger Woods impersonator?

Golfer man Tiger Woods was found asleep at the wheel in his Mercedes in Jupiter, Florida, and was arrested and charged on Monday with driving under the influence.

According to court records obtained by the Palm Beach Post, Woods did not have any alcohol in his system, and his lawyer's statement blamed "an unexpected reaction to prescription medications" for his unexpected nap.

The very sad, very bloated mug shot quickly got the tabloid treatment, giving punsters the headline of their dreams and the nightmare of being duplicated.

All in good pun.

And of course, the mug got memed.

Who Did This #TigerWoods #TeamEdit

A post shared by Duval Giant Edits (@duvalgiant) on


2. The guy who told a motel that he forgot his gun under the mattress, because he was met with a surprise when he picked it up.

Torrie Get You Gun, but the cops will get you first.

A guy named Torrie Flock was staying at a Brooklyn motel and after he checked out, he remembered that he forgot his gun.

Flock called up the motel and let them know that his .45-caliber Smith & Wesson handgun was under the mattress, and when he went to pick it up, the cops were right there, waiting for him.

Oopsie.

He was charged with criminal possession of a weapon and presumably went on to beat up himself for snitching on himself.

Tyler Durden turned him in.

1. This angry pedestrian who walked into a pole, because he walked into a pole.

Karma?

A cranky man out for a stroll out in Adelaide, Australia was freaking out at a driver when he walked right into his fate. The friendly neighbor (Note: His hat, while red, does not say "Make America Great Again") became the toast of Oz.

After the bang, the yeller keeps going.

It's even better with a soundtrack.

In addition to looking both ways before crossing the street, remember to keep looking in front of you.

Toddlers suck at hide-and-seek. This dad's adorable home video is Exhibit A.

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Ah, toddlers. They are that magical age in which they transform from a helpless, squirmy little poop-machine to a sassy, curious almost-kid with endless energy. It is the perfect time to teach a child parent-approved games like that ol' classic, hide-and-seek.

La Guardia Cross, who has a YouTube series called "The New Father Chronicles" that stars himself and his daughters, 2-year-old Amalah and her newborn sister Nayley, decided it was time to teach his eldest the time-tested game. There is only one problem: toddlers are on their own agenda, and everything Cross tried to teach his daughter went in one ear and out the other.

This technically may be a "hide-and-seek fail," but at least it's a darn cute one.

Check out the video below:

So Amalah didn't quite grasp the concepts of hide-and-seek on her first try (primarily the "hide" or "seek" parts), but she has some time to master the art. We have faith in her.

Of course, things took a turn in the video when baby Nayley, surely own her own volition, decides to involve herself in the game, and turns out to be a much better seeker than her big sister.

To check out more of Cross' hilarious daddy-vlog, click here.

I only go to work for the gossip.

The internet found out Jamie Foxx isn’t really named Jamie Foxx and everyone imploded.

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Over the weekend, jokesters of internet took a much deserved break from mocking Ivanka Trump to roast themselvesfor believing Jamie Foxx was actually "Jamie Foxx."

The comedian, actor, and shockingly excellent singer was not, through serendipity, given the world's sexiest stage name at birth.

Jamie Foxx is actually Eric Marlon Bishop.

In 2012, Yahoo explained why Foxx/Bishop changed his name, and it's full of interesting details. Like, the fact that Foxx had performed for years as a pianist under his birth name of Eric Bishop, but it was only the hellscape of comedy that forced him to undergo an identity transformation.

Apparently, open mic nights in 1989 tended to call up female comics first. So Jamie became Jamie so the open mic hosts would mistake him for a woman.

Don't you remember Kanye's "Gold Digger ft. Eric Marlon Bishop"?

Meanwhile, "Foxx" is a hat tip to '70s comedian Redd Foxx (himself born John Elroy Sandford). At first, the internet was mad at Jaime Foxx for deceiving them...

But then the internet got mad at people who got mad at Foxx for deceiving them. If you never really thought about it and took the time to publicly express your shock, the internet was quick to call you an idiot.

The third stage of this Foxx-related (non) revelation was everyone exposing their favorite pseudonyms. My favorite's Jon Leibowitz, AKA Jon Stewart.

Stop reading now if you don't want the glory of "Tina Fey" changed forever. Here's a few more notable celebrity birth names:

  • Stevie Wonder = Steveland Hardaway Judkins
  • Bruno Mars = Peter Hernandez
  • Rihanna = Robyn Fenty
  • Elton John = Reginald Kenneth Dwight
  • Tina Fey = Elizabeth Stamatina Fey
  • Katy Perry = Katy Hudson
  • Natalie Portman = Natalie Herschlag

So far, no response from Foxx about the internet turning his name change from nearly 30-years-ago into a trending topic.

That might be because he's also in the news for mocking sign language.

During an appearance with Jimmy Fallon, as Fallon recorded a giggly promo, Foxx sat beside him. Then he was caught doing, apparently, straight gibberish with his hands. Realllllllly classy stuff, Jamie, IF THAT'S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME. Which it isn't.

It's hard to respond to something as whimsical as the name "Eric" when Oscar-winner Marlee Matlin's calling you a hack.

By the way, Marlee Matlin is actually her real name.

My favorite place to go on a date is anywhere with air conditioning.

Dr. Pimple Popper milks gooey goodness from fancy old man's face.

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Dr. Pimple Popper and her participating patient had the classiest conversation in the midst of a gooey activity. Our dermatological superhero, Dr. Sandra Lee, sat with a man facing consequences for sitting out in the sun: "Favre-Rachouchot type" blackheads.

These fancy, French-sounding blackheads gather along the eyes and upper cheekbone area, and as Dr. PP explains, "can also occur due to excessive and cumulative sun exposure to the skin, which is why you can see them on the face of older people who don’t have active acne."

The conversation is an interesting companion to the squeezing and poking. Dr. Pimple popper, the patient, and his wife have a charming conversation that covers everything from golf clubs, magic rakes, and Amazon's Alexa.

Come for the extraction, stay for the conversation.

You'll want to call your grandparents after and tell them you love them.


Blindfolded Muslim man stands for days on a street in Manchester for a powerful reason.

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If you happened to pass down Market Street in Manchester, England, this past weekend, you may have seen a blindfolded man standing on the side of the street with his arms outspread.

If you stopped and took a closer look, you would've seen that he had a sign. It read: "I'm Muslim and I trust you. Do you trust me enough for a hug?"

We don't always condone hugging complete strangers. But in this case, we'd definitely hug the guy. And based on a heartwarming video going viral on YouTube, many others also chose to trust him enough to hug him.

That man in a blindfold is YouTube video blogger Baktash Noori. And in the days following the tragic attack at an Ariana Grande concert in Manchester earlier this month, killing 22 people and injuring many others, he wanted to do something positive to build trust between Muslims and the community.

So he did this:

He received a few hugs at first, then eventually crowds began to form as people lined up for hugs. Noori says he was surprised and overwhelmed by the positive response. "I did not expect so many people to come and hug me, let alone give me such positive comments, but it was the best thing I've ever done," he told Manchester Evening News. "With every hug, the comments I received were amazing, some were getting all teary and it's not hard to tell by a person’s hug and tone of voice how much better their and my day became because of this."

In the caption to the video, he wrote:

Making this video has a been a great experience, the warmth and love i felt from each hug was truly wonderful. I want to thank the 2 guys that helped me out with this video, without them, i would not have been able to do this: Ahmad & Abdullah

Secondly, if you're gonna watch this video, turn up the volume, remove any distractions and watch teh whole thing, trust me, you'll thank me for it :)

Thirdly, please do NOT post any stupid comments, i made this video out of pure respect for the victims and and families involved in the Manchester incident and i've made this fro educational purposes. So PLEASE show some respect :)

Many people commented on YouTube that the video had made them proud to be from the UK.

And as this Muslim woman from Manchester wrote, the video "increased my hope" in the wake of the tragedy.

Twitter is touched.

This story is one of many heartwarming stories of love conquering hate to come out of Manchester in the days since the attack. Last week, this photo of a Muslim man comforting a weeping Jewish woman at a vigil for victims went viral:

And the community rallied in the days following the bombing, lining up to donate blood.

One of the people in line to give blood made a powerful statement about love and acceptance in Manchester, which also went viral:

"I don't care who you believe in, where you're from," he said through tears, "this city is for everybody."

Beautifully said.

Hugs to the people of Manchester and hugs to you, too. You deserve it.

Ariana Grande's mom speaks out in heartfelt statement about Manchester attacks.

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In the wake of a deadly terrorist attack at one of her daughter's concerts in Manchester, UK, Ariana Grande's mom, Joan Grande, took to Twitter on Memorial Day to deliver a statement, offering condolences to the victims and their loved ones. She also thanked those people who helped out that night, as well as the service members all over the world that work to protect us every day.

The statement reads:

This past week I have spent in reflective prayer & deep sorrow. I join my daughter in extending my help & services to all those affected by the diabolical act of terror which occurred in Manchester! My heart goes out to all the victims: those who lost their lives, those injured, those recovering & all survivors of that night, along with the families & friends whose grief knows no bounds. I stand with you all in the face of evil & we stand together to never let it rule our lives! Thank you to all those who helped in any way that night in Manchester. I continually thank those who are & were in service protecting our freedoms every day all over the world! #MemorialDay

On May 22, a suicide bomber set off an explosive device outside the Manchester Arena, where Ariana Grande had just performed a concert. 22 people were killed and over 100 were injured in the blast, according to the Manchester Evening News.

The statement from Joan Grande comes just three days after daughter Ariana released her own statement thanking fans for their support, and announcing that she would return to Manchester to perform a benefit concert to help support the victims of the attack and their families. Grande also reportedly offered to pay the victms' funeral costs.

Ariana is currently in the process of booking other big names for the benefit concert, which is scheduled to take place on June 4. BBC reports that all proceeds from the concert will be donated to the "We Love Manchester" emergency fund, and that Coldplay, Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry, Justin Bieber, and Pharrell are among the artists expected to be there.

Like her daughter, Joan Grande said she wanted extend her "help & services" to those affected by the attack. Hopefully their kindness will help bring some healing to Manchester.

Horrified male blogger calls Rihanna 'fat,' women everywhere roll their eyes.

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So apparently Rihanna has gained weight recently. On Friday, the internet was sent into a frenzy after BuzzFeed ran an article called "Rihanna's Getting Thick And Fans Are Rejoicing," complete with pictures of the singer showing off her curves.

@badgalriri in #NYC lastnight!!

A post shared by Rihanna Navy⚓️ (@robyn_riri_fenty1) on

So, I guess people really care about Rihanna's weight? Despite it being no one's business? Commenting on women's bodies in any capacity feels gross and intrusive—that being said, most of the initial reaction to her weight gain was very positive.

she slays 😍#NYC

A post shared by Rihanna Navy⚓️ (@robyn_riri_fenty1) on

Rihanna's weight gain didn't just capture the attention of fans, though. It also was written about in a blog post on the internet's toxic masculinity epicenter, Barstool Sports. Amongst various articles about sports, Donald Trump and other bro-culture staples is a post entitled "Is Rihanna Going To Make Being Fat The Hot New Trend?" Blogger Chris Spags laments the loss of Rihanna's slimmer body and writes about how he hopes that Rihanna is just pregnant because if a woman has gained weight, she better have a baby growing in her.

So is it possible these photos of Rihanna from this weekend in NYC are a classic “bad visual” situation where she’s the same as she’s always looked but happens to appear like she’s going for Ashley Graham’s spot on the plus-sized hierarchy? Absolutely. Or maybe she’s been on the road, enjoying that good room service a bit too long. We all know that feeling after indulging a little too much for vacation.

But it looks to me like Rihanna is rocking some new high key thiccness. And based on what I’ve seen, that means it’s time to worry if you’re not a guy who fancies himself a chubby chaser.

Even worse, Spags fears that other young woman might follow in Rihanna's footsteps and dare to eat a carb every now and again. Because if there is anything a shallow man hates more than a fat woman, it is fat women:

So you see her pushing 180 and it’s a tough world to stomach. With all the fat acceptance and “love me as I am” crowd, there’s definitely a world where I could see chicks see Rihanna make some strong “I don’t give a fuck I just love pizza” quote that goes viral and bam we’re in a world where all the hottest girls look like the humans in Wall-E. And just in time for summer too. A world of ladies shaped like the Hindenburg loaded into one-piece bathing suits may be on the horizon now that Rihanna is traipsing around out there looking like she’s in a sumo suit. It’s a dangerous precedent and you may want to start adjusting your porn browsing to primarily BBW porn to condition yourself to this dystopian future we now face.

He concluded a post with an "in memoriam" for Rihanna's more slender body by posting several throwback pictures of the singer. Creepy.

Look, I know that no one is turning to Barstool Sports FOR feminist prose, but come on. First of all, let's get one thing super, super clear. Whether Rihanna is 110 pounds or 310, she is never going to f*ck you, dude. Second of all, comparing a woman to the Hindenburg is not good or original joke writing. Lastly, we hope fat women take over the world and crush you.

Women's beauty magazine Allure took a moment to criticize Barstool Sports forblatantly degrading women as a way to get clicks.

Soon Rihanna fans and just plain ol' decent people started dragging the bro-blog and the post's author:

Of course, this professional troll ended up reacting like professional trolls do:

At this point, it is not worth writing a long-winded response as to why men should start treating women (of all sizes) like humans because I would hope that we are beyond that at this point. Adopt Rihanna's "IDGAF" attitude and take revenge by enjoying a slice of pizza, loving your body the way it is, and knowing that somewhere, a legion of sad, lonely dudes are driven crazy by it.

Sean Spicer's first press briefing in two weeks went so badly he actually ran away.

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White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer made his grand return to the podium for his first on-camera press briefing in two weeks, stepping out for an administration that thinks the messaging (and not the darn Russia thing) is the source of their problems. That's like saying that after a catastrophic crash, a car just needs a better paint job.

This morning, White House communications director Mike Dubke quit, begging the question, "Wait, someone was directing these communications?"

And now, in an attempt to communicate on behalf of a White House that thinks they can lie their way out of messes that they've lied themselves into, Sean Spicer aggressively said a whole lot of nothing which, in Trumpworld, is everything.

Most notably, Spicer refused to answer whether Donald Trump knew about Jared Kushner seeking back-channel communications with Russia using Russian equipment in the Russian embassy. Russia.

Spicey notably contradicted his own president, who dignified the reports about Kushner and the Russians with an unsourced retweet of Fox & Friends.

Congressman Ted Lieu suggested that Spicer couldn't deny the story because the Russians could immediately leak what Kushner said.

In a moment almost indistinguishable from a Melissa McCarthy parody, Spicer went full Trump and went off on "Fake News," insisting that reporters on Twitter are "perpetuating false narratives," for suggesting such out-there takes as "Trump is rude."

Interesting that as the English language evolves, "fake" has simply come to mean "bad."

Sadly, Spicer wasn't indoors and couldn't run off into the nearest bush, a safe space he so badly craves.

The Bush administration.

Without nearby shrubbery, Spicer promptly closed up his folder and bolted, after a noticeably short period of time.

Notice, as Spicer bolts, a reporter yells, "Is Kushner fake news?" and the press pool boos him for deserting them.

Perhaps Spicer had to leave immediately because he got an idea where Trump might be physically hiding his soul.

His performance was widely reviewed as "devastating" and "terrible."

Oh, and by the way, Spicer simply "hasn't asked" if Trump accepts that climate change is caused by human activity, which is kind of an important issue that concerns the future durability of the planet.

Someone should tell Spicer that he should be concerned about climate change—it just might affect his favorite bushes.

Welcome back, Spicy.

The bushes await.

Old man shares heart-achingly sweet Instas of his wife and the internet is obsessed.

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When a woman named Lauren from Chichester, England, recently posted some sweet Instagram photos an "old man" she knows has taken of his wife Pauline over the years, Twitter fell head over heels in love with them both.

Lauren's tweet quickly went viral, wracking up over 40,000 retweets since she shared it on Sunday. She's a little surprised.

You can see why Twitter fell in love so hard with this "old man," who turns out to be Geoffrey Walker. According to his Instagram bio, he's an "author and songwriter" and "president of Moira Male Voice Choir," who likes music and is "always looking for my next challenge."

His love for his wife is so sweet and pure it's breaking hearts all over the internet.

It's time for elevenses

A post shared by Geoffrey Walker (@geoffreywalk) on

Christmas dinner 2016

A post shared by Geoffrey Walker (@geoffreywalk) on

Even when the photo is a little blurry, his love for his wife is clear:

Pauline ready for a night out with the ladies yes of course she has made her clothes ❤️❤️

A post shared by Geoffrey Walker (@geoffreywalk) on

He shares memories from their travels.

Melbourne 4 years ago, true still wearing the same hat😀😀

A post shared by Geoffrey Walker (@geoffreywalk) on

He misses her while she's away 😭😭😭

Looking forward to Pauline coming home soon 😍😍

A post shared by Geoffrey Walker (@geoffreywalk) on

And he celebrates special occasions, like Pauline getting "good results" from the hospital.

Pauline had good results from the hospital so it was lunch out at St Josephs

A post shared by Geoffrey Walker (@geoffreywalk) on

He also likes to reminisce, sharing throwback photos of Pauline. Like this one from 1978:

It turns out the couple has kids, grandkids and great-grandkids (either that or just grandchildren who are great, we aren't sure).

Great grandchildren 3 years ago❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

A post shared by Geoffrey Walker (@geoffreywalk) on

Geoffrey has become somewhat of an Instagram celebrity. He now has over 10,000 followers and, based on the comments, many adoring fans:

He has fans over on Twitter as well:

And someone lucky enough to know him IRL can confirm: he's great in person, too. (Please tell him we say "hi!")

But all the fame doesn't seem to have gotten to Geoffrey's head, or distracted him from his true passion: chilling with his wife.

Just look at this video he posted of him and Pauline having "lunchtime at Staunton Harold."

Lunchtime at Staunton Harold

A post shared by Geoffrey Walker (@geoffreywalk) on

No clue what they're saying in this video but one thing is absolutely clear: these two are #relationshipgoals.

May we all find someone who loves us the way Geoffrey loves Pauline. Just look at these two:

First cup of tea outside this winter

A post shared by Geoffrey Walker (@geoffreywalk) on

They clearly know how to keep the spark alive.

These ‘1st birthday’ cookies are either a hilariously NSFW mistake or a great joke.

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A greatly amused husband posted his wife's attempt at "1st birthday" cookies for her one-year-old, and they're like all the best Disney jokes. They'll go right over the heads of the children while the parents laugh and laugh.

Behold: cookie dicks.

Yup. "I don't think they came out right," wrote Redditor Portugalpaul, after celebrating his child's 1st birthday with some NSFW snacks. A lot of the internet disagreed: these cookies came out perfectly, because they are hilarious little dicks spread out all over the table like a delicious little dick plague.

One helpful commenter offered two solutions:

"She should outline or literally just draw the number 1 on each cookie," so that your mind doesn't immediately think about the best selling treats at an erotic bakery.

OR:

"Leave it for something the adults can laugh about because the kids won't care."

In case you think those cookies have something else wrong with them besides the fact that they look like edible penises, the commenters also spent a long while ignoring the shape-mishap and commenting on the baking skills.

"It looks like the dough wasn't properly chilled before baking," wrote DonDrapersCurtains. Oh, internet. Must you nitpick all our barely-taboo fun under your hilarious pseudonyms?

Responded another: "Agree. If you edge them, the frosting turns out thicker too."

BOOM. THERE WE GO. WE BACK TO COOKIE-DICK JOKES.

And because there will inevitably be many readers who didn't find these cookies to be nearly NSFW enough, here's a few erotic bakery accounts on Instagram that will satisfy your urge for more salacious deserts.

Custom Erotic Cakes in #NYC Easy online ordering on our website. Link in bio Delivery and pick up available

A post shared by Erotic Baking NYC-Link in bio (@eroticbaking) on

Happy Birthday #Penis #Cake #peniscake #eroticcake #birthdaycake #nyc #manhattan #brooklyn #gift #bachelorette #bachelorettecake #crazy

A post shared by Erotic Baking NYC-Link in bio (@eroticbaking) on

Are you happy? Are you happy now that a fun, slightly erotic cookie moment has turned into a full blown cake orgy?

This is your fault. You did this.

Larry David knows exactly what I'm talking about.

"Why'd you take the balls home?"

I plan to get as much done during this four-day week as I did over the three-day weekend.


People are pissed at Ariel Winter for the photos she posted on Memorial Day.

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It seems that wherever Ariel Winter goes, internet outrage follows her. Whether they're comments about her breasts or her "inappropriate" clothing, the Modern Family star is used to getting criticized. That's why it probably didn't come as a surprise that people were mad about these photos she posted on Memorial Day.

Winter posted a series of photos of her in a bikini to her Instagram on Monday, presumably from her Memorial Day celebrations. She captioned the photos "Happy #MemorialDay."

Happy #MemorialDay 🌊

A post shared by ARIEL WINTER (@arielwinter) on

Winter's photos sent off a storm of fury in the comments. Many people were criticizing her for posting photos of herself in a bikini on a day when we're supposed to be honoring people who lost their lives serving in the military.

It should be noted that Winter's bikini photos weren't her only Memorial Day-themed post. She did almost immediately follow up her beach pics with a post honoring the men and women who have given their lives for this country.

"Could not be more grateful to all of the men and women who risk their lives to protect ours and our freedom," she wrote. "We are all forever indebted to your service. Thank you."

It seems like some people didn't notice the follow-up post, though. The angry comments kept coming in.

Other comments even went so far as to point out Winter's "razor bumps" or allude to her "pubes." (Come on, guys.)

We get where the angry commenters on Winter's bikini photos were coming from, but Winter did also post about honoring the troops, so maybe shaming her isn't totally necessary? Maybe?

What do you think? Do the beach photos warrant the outrage?

Your relationship is an inspiration for me to stay single.

Hold onto your dreams of giving up completely.

Did Kathy Griffin go too far with gory photos of Donald Trump's 'decapitated' head?

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Trolling the president has become America's new favorite past time (sorry, baseball!). But there are limits to what's acceptable when it comes to mocking President Donald Trump. And we know this now because Kathy Griffin has just crossed them. Why are we not that surprised.

The 56-year-old comedian and provocateur recently posed for photographer Tyler Shields with a bloodied, "decapitated head" meant to look like Donald Trump's. The gory photos, obtained by TMZ, are going viral on Twitter and people are horrified.

"Tyler and I are not afraid to do images that make noise," says Kathy Griffin in a behind-the-scenes video of the shoot. She also jokes to the photographer: "we have to move to Mexico today because we're going to go to prison."

They certainly made some noise. People on both sides of the political spectrum are fuming over the "upsetting and disgusting" photos.

But mostly, the backlash has been intense. Some are calling for her to be fired from her annual appearance on CNN's New Year's Eve show with Anderson Cooper.

In fact, hating Kathy Griffin's recent photo shoot could be the one issue on which America stands united.

Kathy Griffin seems immune to the backlash. Just a little while ago, she posted a video from the photo shoot on Twitter along with a relevant quote from Trump:

And she followed it up with this non-apology to explain that she does "not condone ANY violence":

Griffin has made no secret of, well, anything. But especially her dislike for the president.“What an idiot. We gotta watch this idiot for an hour and nine minutes? He just says one hateful thing after the other," she said in a March interview with MSNBC's Chris Matthews. "He’s so embarrassing."

Trump has yet to respond to #DecapitateGate. But we already know he doesn't take well to jokes about his demise (or about himself in general). Back in March, when Snoop Dogg released a video where he aims a fake gun at a clown dressed like Trump, the president took to Twitter to threaten the rapper with "jail time."

And Snoop Dogg's video was child's play compared to Kathy Griffin's photo shoot. So we're a little nervous for how this will all pan out.

The funny thing about this feud, as several have pointed out, is Kathy Griffin and Donald Trump aren't even that different in terms of their public persona.

Kathy Griffin 2020? It's not even outside the real of possibility anymore.

So what did we learn today? America hates an offensive, line-pushing, bone-headed provocateur. But it didn't stop us from electing one president.

UPDATE: Kathy Griffin lost her New Year's Eve gig over this, CNN tweeted this morning.

Whooooops.

Trump deletes his latest Twitter typo and sends the internet into a tailspin of jokes.

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In the wee hours of May 31st, President Donald Trump sent out his most head-scratching tweet yet.

At 12:06 am, the President, who appeared to attempt to start yet another rant against the media, tweeted "Despite the constant negative press covfefe." That's it.

The typo went viral.

Over an hour later, it was still not deleted, sending Twitter into a complete frenzy. People were speculating what the President could have meant, and why the error went unfixed for so long. Did he die mid-tweet? Did he suddenly get distracted by Fox News? What is a covfefe, anyway? Starbucks' new drink? The nuclear codes? A distraction from Trump's ties with Russia?

For a magical few hours, Twitter came together to make "covfefe" jokes.

Even the ACLU got involved.

Watch What Happens Live! host Andy Cohen got in on the joke.

Jimmy Kimmel gave his take on "covfefe."

But in the end, even Merriam-Webster couldn't help us make sense of things.

Hell, in a rare moment of self-awareness, even President Trump was about to laugh about it.

Of course, the most likely explanation is that the President meant to type "coverage" and somehow ended up with....covfefe. Then he tweeted it out, leaving it online for an hour, because he truly DGAF.

Who knew that one simple typo would be the thing to finally unite us all?

But now we are simply living in a post-covfefe world, baby.

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