You know the saying "an elephant never forgets?!" Well, I'm pretty sure elephant could easily be interchangeable with partner, especially when it comes to the inevitable dumb garbage that escapes our mouths at one point or another.
In a recent Reddit thread people shared the dumbest words and beliefs to escape their partner's mouths, and you will feel much better about yourself after reading these.
1. illini211's girlfriend has been very confused about matinees.
"Current gf thought that the movie showings during the day were “Manatee Shows”. I had to explain to her that they are in fact “Matinee Shows”. 🤦🏻♂️😂
Edit: also convinced my ex-wife that the little pepper balls you grind to make pepper were the seeds from a pepperoni plant and that pepperoni wasn’t actually meat and grew straight up out of the ground like an earth dick."
2. bleanblanket's girlfriend thought shaving multiplied her hair.
"She told me she only waxes her legs, because if you shave one hair, then it splits and two grow back in its place..."
3. goaheadblameitonme's partner doesn't know what tree roots look like.
"I asked him to plant a baby tree in the back garden. The next day I saw it and thought it looked strange. Walked up and it had been planted upside down. He thought the roots were tiny limp branches. Laughed for days."
4. Armed_Muppet's partner regularly makes up idioms.
"She’s not very good with words and English is her first language.
“I got freezer bite on my hands”
Her idioms also need some work:
“You sound like the wolf who cried”
“You opened up a whole new worm”
5. coffeetish's fiance got confused about how genetics work.
"I had a kid prior to getting together with my fiancée and having a second daughter. The father of my eldest is not in the picture and my wonderful fiancée has taken her on as his own. To the point that he frequently forgets that she isn’t his genetic offspring."
"We were at a holiday party at his parents house. I was talking to my future SIL about my eldest and her night terrors when fiancée pops off with “she gets that from my side of the family...” cue really confused faces all around. His sister sat there and started questioning what other genetic diseases my eldest has magically got from stepdad. It took a few minutes before he figured it out. I love this man..."
6. Chibano's partner forgot key words.
"We bought a new car. She asked me if I changed the settings to Spanish because it said ‘Ajar’ on the dash when the door was open."
7. NoThankYouTrebek's husband thought parents got to pick their kids' belly buttons.
"As I'm in labor with our daughter, my husband asks "Do you want her to have an innie or an outie belly button?" Weird question, but whatever. So I tell him I don't mind either way, both are cute. And then he says "Yeah, but when the Dr asks, which should we pick for her?"
"He thought when they clamp the umbilical cord, parents tell the Dr the type of belly button they prefer. He's really smart, I promise."
8. DetroitBreakdown's wife thought David Letterman toured.
"When my wife and I started dating in the mid 1980's she knew I was a huge fan of David Letterman. She said she had a huge surprise for me as she had tickets to see Letterman at a local venue."
"I was confused since David Letterman did not tour. I looked at the tickets she purchased and they were for the old 60's band "The Lettermen".
We didn't go, but I married her. 30 years this September...
9. awash907's husband tried to clean the fireplace with a leaf blower.
"One time my husband called me at work, "Babe, you're gonna be mad, I made a mess but don't worry I'll fix it!" I didn't even ask, just sighed, because he is basically Lucy from I Love Lucy. When I got home a little bit later it was to a living room COVERED in gray powder, my husband completely filthy with a trash bag and broom and a super panicked look on his face. Turned out he'd decided to help around the house and wanted to clean the fireplace, he'd just decided the best way to do it would be to stand in front of it with a trash bag and use the leaf blower to blow the ashes in."
"Spoiler - that doesnt work. I didn't want to hurt his feelings but I laughed my ass off and it's still one of my favorite weird things he's done."
10. PrimarySearcher asked his wife an impossible favor.
"I’ll answer for my wife. I had gone to Home Depot to pick up a trailer hitch ball for my truck. I didn’t realize that they had different shaft sizes, and I didn’t know which size I needed, so I called my wife and this conversation took place:"
"Me: “Are you at the house?” Her: “Yeah, why?” Me: “Can you go out to the driveway and measure the hole in the bumper of my truck? It should be either 1/2-inch or 3/4-inch.”
"There’s a pause...
Her: “Isn’t your truck with you?”
Yes. Yes it was. That was how I had gotten to Home Depot. I forgot."
11. ZeBootygoon's mom got Punkd by their dad.
"My favorite memory of my parents is going to some fast food joint, through the drive thru. Mom is driving and giving our orders to the cashier. Just as she finishes my dad casually says "To go" my mom, and she turns back to the cashier and says "To go." Two seconds of buffering later and she slaps my dad full on in the chest, who is laughing fucking hysterically. Dont think we've ever let her live that down."
12. boobooskadoodoo's girlfriend had a very confusing graduation experience.
"My girlfriend in college attended my graduation and afterward says to me, “Man, there were a lot of people with the name ‘lawdy’.”
"Each time someone was given their degree, it was announced whether they were graduating “cum laude” or not. My girlfriend thought America’s largest family graduated from university with me that day - the Lawdy family (and they all looked unrelated.)"
13. tinbasher97's boyfriend thinks stars travel during the day.
"My boyfriend as we were looking up at the beautiful night sky. "Wow, there's so much we don't know about the universe. Like where the stars go during the day. Are they still there? If not, where do they go?".
He was dead serious."
14. Docdentanddane's wife lost a whole car.
"My deeply intelligent wife lost her CAR. Like left it in a parking lot and somehow got home on Friday. Monday morning I get a text: “where’s my car?”
She’s gonna finish her medical degree next year."
15. Zombombaby's husband was confused by tent models.
"My husband and I were at Canadian Tire and they had tiny examples of tents (basically looked like they were made for barbie dolls) and the pricing for each underneath. He turned to me shocked and asked, "why are these so expensive for such tiny tents?!".
I almost died laughing."
16. xXCourier99Xx's partner thought cows were fat horses.
"We were driving through some back roads and passed a couple pastures. She saw some cows and started very excitedly trying to get my attention. Grabbing on my arm and saying “babe, babe, look how FAT those horses are”
I have never let it go and she still doesn’t think it’s funny."
17. chunkyhenrybakes partner had a creative way of cracking eggs.
"I showed her how to crack an egg by tapping it against another egg and she thought this meant any amount of force would be absorbed by only one egg and smashed two eggs together spraying yolk everywhere."
18. BeerAintDrinkin's girlfriend thought polaroids took video.
"My now ex-girlfriend got a Polaroid camera for Christmas. Jokingly one day I said “Does it take videos?” And she very seriously said “I’m sure it does but I haven’t tried that feature yet”
19. Vakardur was once at a true loss for words.
"We were sitting in a bus in the middle of heavy rush hour traffic. I'm kind of a car geek, so I spotted a mint condition 1970s classic Mustang."
"I just went and said "Look honey! A car!"
There were hundreds of them.
... I don't think she'll let me live this down."
20. Notangryactuallycalm's partner tried to quit smoking in the most Amela Bedelia way possible.
"She ate cold turkey to try and quit smoking."