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29 Memes That Will Only Be Funny If You Remember The Early 2000s.

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It's 2001, you're bumpin' Bootylicious by Destiny's Child, life is good. Fast forward to today and you're busy trying to distract yourself from your dumb job by looking at memes. Take a trip back to the good ole days with these awesomely nostalgic memes.

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23 pregnancy tweets to read after you ditch the one yoga class you attempted.

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Anyone who has been pregnant or loves someone who is pregnant is fully aware the process of growing a human being is full of ups and downs. Truly, even the scariest sex ed videos didn't manage to tap into the endless well of strange bodily functions and emotional exhaustion that comes with pregnancy.

Certainly, giving birth to a tiny beautiful clone is a miracle for the ages, and one of the few traditions passed down from our ancestors that we haven't forsaken. However, that doesn't change the fact that your body transforms into an unpredictable baby apartment complex.

Luckily, or unluckily depending on how you look at it, if you're pregnant and laughing to keep from screaming from the pain, you are far from alone.

In fact, you are in such good company we were able to scrounge up 23 hilarious tweets you very well may relate to. These are ideal to browse through the next time you feel tempted to kill your husband, or after ditching that exercise class that made you wanna go into early labor. So, go ahead, put up your swollen feet, lay back and enjoy the solidarity tweets.

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27 Utterly Random Memes Everyone Should Laugh At This Morning.

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“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.”

– Robert Frost

These memes will make you laugh so hard you almost forgot you have to get up and go to work today.

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Don Jr’s stoked tweet about being called ‘ignorant’ in the Mueller report proves he didn’t read it.

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Donald Turmp Jr. has really upped the ante on how ignorant he presents himself to the general public. On Thursday, special counsel Robert Mueller and his team of investigators revealed they don't plan to prosecute the president's eldest son for collusion because he is "too ignorant to violate election laws."

The conclusion expressed in in the Mueller report did not name 41-year-old Don Jr. as innocent, but rather, too dim to knowingly break campaign laws:

"The Office determined that the government would not be likely to obtain and sustain a conviction for two other reasons: first, the Office did not obtain admissible evidence likely to meet the government's burden to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that these individuals acted 'willfully,' i.e., with general knowledge of the illegality of their conduct; and, second, the government would likely encounter difficulty in proving beyond a reasonable doubt that the value of the promised information exceeded the threshold for a criminal violation."

While most full-grown adults wouldn't feel hot to trot about being officially called too ignorant to commit a crime, Don Jr. took it as a win and immediately posted an all caps rebuttal on his Twitter.

As if to corroborate the Mueller Report's estimation of his intelligence, Don Jr.'s response was exactly what a child would yell after being accused of something by their parents. This did not go unnoticed by the general public.

People were quick to point out the irony of him celebrating over being called stupid, while others assumed he didn't fully read the report's estimation of him.

Others pointed out how the report in no way makes Don Jr. look innocent, in fact, this will likely not be the last word on his innocence.

If anything, Don Jr.'s response to the Mueller Report only supports the conclusion that he is too dim to fully understand campaign laws, but that is still a far cry from lawful innocence.

People share the first time they told their SOs 'I love you' and they're real-life rom-coms.

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Rumor has it that love is real, and these real people shared stories to try and prove that thesis. A Reddit thread asked those who were lucky enough to find love in this world to share the stories of the first time they told their significant other that it was capital-L love, and excuse me as I cry under my desk and bask in my loneliness!

1. This story is a Nicholas Sparks novel, cdkk518.

It actually happened a few nights ago. I was drifting in and out of sleep for at least an hour while we were in bed and she turned toward me and whispered “I love you” in my ear and I said it back and that was that. apparently she had been working up the nerve to say it for the whole hour I was sleeping and it was quite the statement to wake up to but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. we then proceeded to have mushy relationships conversations late into the night so I’m glad I had the nap beforehand.

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2. Stomach growling has never been more romantic, belthezaire.

We were hugging. My stomach growled loudly. She stepped back a little, her arms still on my shoulders and mine on her waist.

"Your tummy must love me," she said with a smile.

"All of me loves you," I replied.


3. Dad jokes can be dreamy, as theunexpectedmango can attest.

We went on a stargazing date. Very romantic, lots of hugging, sharing of jackets, the whole shebang. At some point he turns to me, kisses me, pinches my earlobe, and says "I lobe you". I don't think I've ever rolled my eyes harder.

We both said "I love you" within the next hour.


4. All's well that ends well, Cavalir.

Me: “I love you.”

Her: “I, too, have strong feelings towards you.”

Been married for over a year now. She came around.


5. TheGoodJudgeHolden wasn't too drunk to remember.

She said it first, right as we were going to bed. I was drunk as hell, and popped up and exclaimed "What!!??" Not my finest reaction.


6. UncleTrustworthy found their companion.

We were sitting on a couch watching Doctor Who. I said "I have something to tell you." She said "You love me?" I said yes. She said "I love you, too."


7. Back2Bach didn't need to say it back.

We'd been dating several months. After a brief silence during a romantic dinner, we both started to speak at the same time.

"I love you" came out in perfect synch, as if we had rehearsed it. Yet it was completely natural and genuine - just one blended voice saying what each of us felt.


8. This is too much, Mssamanthajones63.

He thought I was asleep, he was leaving for work. I felt a soft kiss on my forehead and a whispered, I love you. I did not say it then. I just lay there and thought how sweet this man was, and how lucky I was for meeting him.


9. Sigh of relief, Pyrhhus.

At the time we were just very close long time friends. One day I was sick of pining in silence so I told her “you know I’m as subtle as a chainsaw so I’m just gonna say this straight up: I’m in love with you”

She burst out crying and started hugging me trying to choke out “I’ve been trying to work up the guts to say that for months!” In between sobs. It was wonderful


10. Yizza has Hilary Swank to thank.

My girlfriend and I were discussing via text what we should do on our date. She lists a couple of movies and ended the text with P.S. I love you. We had never said I love you before and I quickly reply back I love you too.

I didn't know there was a movie called P.S I love you. She informed me she was talking about the movie but she really was falling in love with me as well...

Married for 7 years now.


11. Prankster-Natra strikes back.

She said "I love you", I said "I know" and got a slap in the face.


12. DuchessLis saw this week's Game of Thrones.

He asked me to be his girlfriend by the waterfall and I told him I would love too. He misheard me and said that he loves me too, I awkwardly pointed out the misunderstanding and he said he didn't take it back. I fell in love with him in that moment and we have now been together for 6 years and getting married in 2020.


13. Goddammit nosidamadison I'm crying.

I met him in his party days. Every time he got drunk he told me he loved me, but I was under the impression people lied when they were drunk.

When he said it in the middle of the day, via text, I asked "Have you been drinking already?" He said "no, why?" and I explained that he only ever said it when he had been drunk.

"I've said it before? Huh. Well, I mean it."

"In what way?"

"In every way possible."


14. I L_VE I_, OSRS4KNIVES

Back in 2010, I gave her a hangman puzzle at the beginning of the day, (The answer was I love you) in between classes she would guess letters. It was almost our 1 year together. At the end of the day, I was given a kiss with an I love you too. Still, have it somewhere even tho it’s faded...

25 parents share the wildest reasons their kids got in trouble at school. 'Mom's addicted to coke.'

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In most cases, no parent is excited to find out their child got in trouble at school. Particularly, if it means you have to pause your day to pick your kid up from school.

We wrote this with your dark journey in mind.

Do you identify with these feelings?! If so, you can copy this link and share with your parent friends: https://some.ly/prFET8I/

However, not all trips to the principal's office are created equal. There are rare, beautiful times when a child gets in trouble for a bonkers and hilarious reason. Sometimes, it's a matter of a creative child who found the wrong outlet, while other times a child is already too good at getting what they want.

Whatever the reason, it's refreshing when you realize your kid got in trouble for being a clever weirdo rather than an actively disruptive student.

Less screen time for the kids means more GoT time for you.

Want to share this card with your GoT buddy? Just copy and paste this link: https://some.ly/xTIAwQg/

In a recent Reddit thread, parents shared the funniest reasons they had to pick up their kids from school, and these fully prove that kids are accidental geniuses.

The apple never falls far from the money tree.

If this speaks to your soul, you can copy and paste the link to share with your family: https://some.ly/MMRvJz2/

1.eaterct's kid went commando.

"I was called to collect my son when he was in first grade because "he was being disrespectful to his classmates". They wouldn't explain. My son told me that Jeffrey pantsed him. That makes no sense. About an hour later the light bulb went on. "You didn't wear underwear today, did you?" Nope."

2. mulletamore's kid gave forgery a whirl.

"I was called in because the elementary school was going on a field that my son forgot to give me the permission slip for. He decided to give forgery a whirl. This was in first grade so the handwriting was awful. He also signed my name "Mom".

3. echeveria_rn's kid played a dangerous game.

"I got a phone call earlier this year from the school nurse, saying she was concerned because my son had passed out while in the lunch line. I went to pick him up and he seemed a little dazed, but ok. My kid couldn't remember anything about what happened beforehand, so I made an appointment with his pediatrician for an hour later."

"Right as we were getting ready to leave, he sheepishly said "mom, I just remembered that right before I passed out, we were playing a game to see who could turn their face the reddest."

"So, my kid had me thinking he had a brain tumor but no, he just held his breath until he passed out, and not a single other kid thought they should mention that to the teacher.

(Thanks for the gold!)"

4. Larsasnor's daughter made a chocolate bomb.

"When my daughter was in 2nd or 3rd grade, i got a call about a present she had brought to school. So, the night before, she asked to go to the store to buy some Rolos because it was her friends birthday. She wrapped them up, and put them in her back pack. I never saw her finish them up or i would have stopped her. She had wrapped each rolo in red paper, bundled a few together, put little black pipcleaner fuses on them, and attached a note that said "your the bomb". The school was not amused. I thought it was very clever though. There were no repercussions thankfully."

"Edit for picture of the rolo-bomb. http://imgur.com/0ApBd7L"

5. Redneckalligator almost didn't graduate because of forgery.

"In my senior year of highschool i was nearly not allowed to graduate and my family was called because I “forged” my own name, by writing in the guardian section of a permission slip (I was 18)"

6. hahahahthunk's kid got in trouble for saying "sexy."

"My kid got in huge trouble in kindergarten. A girl told the teacher he said the "S" word. He lost recess, they called me, it was a big deal. I went to pick him up and said, "So, what's the "S" word?" And he stared at his shoes and whispered, "sexy."

Yeah. Confirmed by the little tattletale, all of this was caused by "sexy."

7. echisholm knows a child with business acumen.

"Funniest one I've ever heard (my kid's surprisingly well-behaved. AT SCHOOL.) was a parent having to come get their kid after they were caught selling imaginary friends to the younger students for $1 a piece."

8. AbortRetryImplode got in trouble for a hilarious joking suggestion to a friend.

"I made the mistake of telling my stepdaughter about the professor I had in college that we knew never read our papers so it turned into a class game to fit ridiculous sentences and bad jokes into the middle of them to see if we'd ever get caught.
She apparently decided that was an amazing thing to do and I got called for a phone conference because she turned in a history paper that was chock full of awful puns that were not appreciated."

9. CrochetyNurse's mom accidentally turned her daughters blue.

"My mother was called to pick me and my twin sister up because we were turning blue. I think it was 4th grade. We felt fine though. It was only after she arrived that we all remembered she had put brand-new blue flannel sheets on our bed the night before.. apparently she hadn't washed them first.

Edit: Wow, silver! I've never had one of these before, I'm really honored."

10. IUseExtraCommas' classmate knew how to shut it down.

"In high school shop class, the teacher was upset at my friend because his work area was messy. The teacher said something like "would your mother tolerate this at home?" Kid responded "my mother is always at the bar." Teacher walked away.

I said "your mother works at the bar." He replied "got him to stop talking."

11. LilyKnightMcClellan's son has impeccable manners.

"I got a call that my son was sick and that I had to come pick him up. He was completely fine that morning. I asked the nurse, “he really can’t go back to class?” and she said, “he says he’s really sick.” Fine."

"I picked him up and on the walk home I asked what was up. He said he had to fart really badly and didn’t want to do it in class. I laughed and said ok."

"Two days later I get another call to pick him up. So I got him and it was for the same reason. I told him that it was funny once but that from now on, if he needed to fart in class, he should go to the bathroom lol."

12. coltwalk20's kid accidentally messed up some crucial song lyrics.

"Daycare - had to talk to the director because my son (3 or 4) told another kid I'm gonna f you up. Turns out he was singing Bruno Mars, "Uptown funk you up"."

13. AMHousewife's child got in trouble for not seeing a butterfly.

"My child's first grade teacher was upset that he had accidentally smooshed a butterfly on the playground at recess. When I got there my child was also missing his glasses. She hadn't noticed this."

14. badgermonkey007's kid's speech impediment often got misunderstood.

"My youngest had a slight speech impediment when he was at nursery, he would replace his S's with F's to approximate the sound. I had to have a chat with the Head at pick up time because I'd unthinkingly used the phrase 'so long suckers' when pulling away from some traffic lights the day before and he liked the sound of it so much he used it himself."

15. StinkyJockStrap got in trouble for their handwriting.

"My professor cited my mom because she said I was writing too slow and turned my test in right as the bell rang. My mom had to leave work early to hear about her child writing slow. The reason I was writing slow was because on my last test, I was docked points for handwriting. So this time I made sure I had the purtiest, most fanciest handwriting that teacher had ever seen. After that, the teacher stopped docking me points due to handwriting."

16. TheWiseOne1234 had the last word with their child's principal.

"That was in elementary school, early years. The principal called us and looked at us with a stern look of disapproval while telling us our son was using bad language. I then proceeded to explain to her that my wife and I only spoke French at home and we did not have television. The only English our son had ever heard was at school, so I asked her what she was going to do about it. It was one of the shortest conversations I ever had with a principal."

"Edit: thank you everybody for the lively discussion and interesting comments, I did not think it would get that much interest. It is obviously a very precious personal moment that my son and I will cherish forever. Glad you got a kick out of it :)"

"About the principal, as I recall, she suddenly remembered she had to do something urgently and the meeting was over before I could say anything else."

17. VerbableNouns got in trouble for hot sauce.

"In 7th grade one of my friends felt that he could handle some Dave's insanity sauce. Several of us chipped in and $60 was on the line if he could down a capfull for 5 minutes without food/water."

"I bought the bottle and showed him I had it in the middle of band practice. He swiped it from my hands he drank about 1/3 of the bottle. He immediately turned bright red and you could tell he regretted this decision. Doing his best to hold it down he went out into the hall and grabbed some water to try to alleviate the heat."

"It did not work and he vomited all over the floor, and we went down to the nurses' office. They called his father and told him to take him to the hospital to make sure he was okay. They went fishing instead.

My father was called to pick me up, and nothing ever really came of it. We let my friend have the $60."

18. JenJMLC got in trouble for climbing a tree.

"I was the kid and I was in third grade. I climbed on a tree (not even that high) and then I wanted to climb down.

A teacher who hated me saw me and told me to stay there and not to move. I told her it's no problem for me to come down. She insisted I stayed there and turned around to call the fire brigade to get me down. I had enough and climbed down anyway and then she called my mom because "it was my fault the fire brigade was called for no reason".

19. noelleptc's daughter is a true con artist.

"I was in an early morning college class and when I got out I realized I had missed calls, texts, and emails from my daughter's preschool. A voicemail said she had been throwing up and to please hurry and come get her. When I got to the school the receptionist showed me to a room where my daughter was sat with a trashcan on her lap. She told me my daughter kept announcing she was throwing up and then would cough and spit into the trashcan. She had no fever and was otherwise cheerful and talkative. I signed her out, got her outside and into my car where she jumped forward and kissed my cheek and told me she missed me and where would I like to go for lunch. That kid busted herself out of preschool to finagle a lunch date with me. It worked."

20. GloomyBaby4 got called into the principal's office for their bad makeup job.

"I was the child, in sixth grade (I was 12). I was in my emo phase and was wearing a lot of black eyeshadow from Claire's. I guess I wasn't so good at my makeup yet because they called my mom into the office to discuss my injuries and who was "hurting me" :\"

21. whattatwat666's son was too curious for Catholic school.

"My son went to a private catholic school from first grade through eighth grade. I had a nun call me one day because my son and a friend were having a peeing for distance contest in the bathroom and then another day I was called because my son was looking to see if the dictionary had the word “penis” in it. Both incidents were in the third grade."

22. thndrchld displayed dominance in the wildest way.

"When I was in 7th grade, I was an office runner. Basically, if your reading and writing skills were above a certain level, they'd let you skip reading class and just work in the office, getting kids whose parents had come for them, delivering messages; that sort of thing."

"Anyway, the kid next to me just wouldn't shut the fuck up. He kept rattling on and on and on and I'd had enough of it. I had a monster fart brewing, so I cocked my leg, locked eyes with him, told him to shut his mouth, and farted on him."

"Or... at least, that was the plan. Instead, I cocked my leg, locked eyes with him, told him to shut his mouth, and completely shit my pants in the most glorious fashion. This wasn't a little nugget. This was a full pants-load of chocolate pudding than ran down my leg and made a little puddle on the floor."

"Everything in the office goes dead silent, and there's no mistaking what's just happened. The kid just stared at me with absolute horror in his eyes."

"Without looking away from him, I raised my hand and said "Miss (office lady's name - I don't remember). I think I need to call my mom." I went home, took a bath, threw the pants away, and came back the next day. The kid was seated on the opposite side of the room from me and I never had a problem with him again. He feared and respected me from then on."

23. lambda419's son couldn't contain himself.

"My son (14, 8th grade) during class change walked into the boy's bathroom, put his hands over his head and while thrusting his hips in a humping motion told all the other boys in the room to "Protect your buttholes gentlemen, here I come!". The funniest part about it all, that exact same description was jotted down on the write up slip. Even the principal couldn't stop laughing.

Edit: Thanks for the silver. My first."

24. Raze321 accidentally wore a profane shirt to school.

"When I was in 2nd grade I had a shirt that we got as a hand-down from a friend of my mom's with braille on the front. Apparently no one ever took the time to figure out what it said, but there was a translator/key on the sleeve so I sat down and translated the word on the front one letter at a time while in class:

F - U - C - K - O - F - F

"Oh my", I said."

"I knew this was a bad word so I told my teacher and apologized. I wasn't in trouble, but my parents were called and asked to come bring in a new shirt while I waited in the office. My principle principal thought it was hilarious, apparently."

"We had a classmate who was partially blind, I'm unsure if she had vision enough to see my shirt but she did know braille. I believe that is one of the reasons I had to wait in the office, though."

25. Stillwindows95 accidentally terrified their own mother.

"Not a parent but as a kid when I got Pokemon yellow I was so god damn into it that when we went out for lunch one day at school, I got inside this huge bush that was practically hollow inside, it was among a load of other large bushes and trees at the side of the school field and rarely ever was entered by students because we weren’t really allowed."

"So I sat there for hours playing Pokemon and when I came out it was 3pm (school closed at 3.30) I had been in there since 12.30 and my mother was at the school and was freaking out because she thought they let me leave the school alone."

21 jokes roasting Coachella that will instantly cure your FOMO.

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Coachella is the Chick-Fil-A of music festivals: a popular, Insta-ready destination that secretly funds hate groups.

As flower crowns and blurry videos invade your Instagram for the second weekend in a row, let's make fun of the people who can afford to go, because we can't.

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23 Workplace Memes Everyone Should Laugh At By 5pm.

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"No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early."
- Groucho Marx

May your work day be blessed with a boss who leaves early, coworkers who avoid you, and work that can wait until some other day.

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Millennial couple asks neighbors to provide 'homemade granola' and 'whole' foods after giving birth. It majorly backfired.

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Welcoming a baby into your family completely upends your daily routine. Tasks you'd otherwise consider essential - cleaning, cooking, bathing, sleeping, playing Fortnite for hours - become practical impossibilities. You may well find yourself running on four hours of sleep, wearing yesterday's clothes with burp-puke on them, struggling to scrub dishes or prepare a simple meal. Surviving the earliest days of parenthood requires a support system - indeed, there's a whole field of etiquette surrounding the assistance of new parents. But a pair of millennials in Philadelphia ap-parent-ly (I'm so so sorry) posted a 'meal train' request on NextDoor that pushed one man over the edge. Fortunately for the rest of us, he aired his grievance publicly on Twitter - and gave the Internet some mind-blowing #content in the process.

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I have so many thoughts. 'Teetering on a fence of emotions' is sheer fuckboi poetry, a phrasing that arises from years of pulling out and refusing to pay for half the Plan B. Re: the food specifications, who's making 'lamb meatball stew with orzo' for themselves, let alone two strangers? The list resembles a celebrity nutritionist's approved meals that you'd see in 'US Weekly' but I have a feeling even Jessica Biel would be like, 'This is too much. I'll just have a green juice.'

The Twitterverse felt similarly.

Naturally, there were dissenting opinions.

But most people agreed the post smacked of entitlement.

Godspeed, you crazy kids! I'm rooting for you despite your grave mistake. The NextDoor post wasn't great, either.

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Woman receives angry roast text from man she rejected six months ago. 'You dress for a funeral.'

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Getting rejected after a date is never an easy pill to swallow, and getting ghosted often feels worse. But does it really count as getting ghosted if you yourself never asked the person for a second date?! Can you reasonably hold a grudge towards a former date if you also never put in the effort to move forward?!

These are just a few of the burning questions the internet has after Twitter user Amy Botrill shared a series of angry texts from a man she went on a date with six months ago.

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They first went on a date in October of 2018, and then after never met up again. On Botrill's end, this was all fine and good, but the man made it deeply apparently he's been stewing when he sent her a series of angry texts this week.

He immediately came in hot by reprimanding her for being "disrespectful" and never giving him a call. Of course, as with most unhinged forms of communication, this text arrived apropos of nothing.

In a move showing a deep lack of self-awareness, he claimed he hasn't been holding a grudge, and was merely giving her a chance to reconcile her "bad" behavior.

After making it clear he has been actively harboring anger against her after merely one date, he had the gall to instruct her to "blow the dust off" his number and "be nice" to him.

To this, she politely declined, which set him off into a next level anger spiral and a roasting of her date outfit.

Her followers screamed when he claimed Bottrill dressed like she was "attending a funeral of someone you didn't like."

She even went on to share receipts of their earlier texts that fully confirmed how nutty his anger was in response to a woman who defended him.

The internet had nothing but solidarity for her, and slight despair at the sad state of straight men in the dating world.

Given the completely lack of self-awareness this man demonstrated, it is highly doubtful he'll see this thread and change his ways. If anything, it will be fuel for his fire of victimizing himself and lashing out on more women. But if we're all lucky, he'll either learn to let go, or his anger will keep him indoors.

14 parents reveal the biggest secret they're hiding from their kids. Daddy's 'work' is a psych ward.

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I know that my 'thing' is writing snappy copy editorializing the subject at hand, but that's tough to do with this one. Redditor thatdude595asked the community, 'Parents of reddit, what is most fucked up secret you are hiding from your children?' and the answers exceeded my wildest expectations - and tapped into the darkness and turmoil of domestic life. We think of the family unit as a refuge from the outside world, which is supposedly filled with danger. But sometimes the biggest threat to your welfare is sitting across the dinner table and asking you to pass the potatoes.

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Below are fourteen of the most mind-blowing responses. A content warning before you proceed: this list contains references to incest, sexual abuse, physical abuse, and trauma. If any of these topics would trigger or upset you, it's best to steer clear. Otherwise? Keep reading and I hope your family's skeletons aren't quite so...skeletal. Yes, that metaphor got away from me.

1. Tippett17

Adoptive parent of three kids two of which are biological siblings and cousins. Found out a year after the adoption that the biological parents were half siblings who shared the same dad. The bio parents found out after they had the first child and proceeded to have another. The kids are now 16 and 13 respectively and have zero clue that they are a product of incest. Unfortunately their biological grandpa just passed away, so there very well could be a big reveal coming in the near future.

2. supafligh

I was the kid in the scenario.

When I was like 12, my dad died of leukemia. He was never around much so I didn't see him often, but that was never the secret. I actually remember the day he took off and left us; woke up one morning and there was a pile of new toys on the living room floor with a note for mom.

Anyway, he started coming around when he received the prognosis. We developed something resembling a positive relationship before he died. When he passed it absolutely destroyed me. I still remember the funeral. I had to be dragged kicking and screaming out of the car because I didn't want to see it. In his will he left me his car - a Camaro, that I was supposed to get when I turned 16. His parents fought tooth and nail to keep it from me (they were really shitty people, his entire side of the family was), and we eventually just told them to fuck off and keep the damn thing.

Fast-forward about 15 years. I find out the guy that died was not actually my dad - he was my brothers' dad. My real, biological dad has been living in the next town over, twenty minutes from my house, my entire life. My entire family knew about it, except for me. It was why my "grandparents" fought to keep the car - they knew I was not his son (I still don't know if HE knew or not, but I assume so).

My maternal grandmother has met him several times in my life. My mom said she never thought it was anything worth digging up. Said she intended for me to never find out.

I've still never spoken to him. I know a name and an approximation of where he lives (as of about ten years ago). Beyond that, I know jack about the guy. Grandma said if I ever want to meet him, she would help me contact him. Dunno if I ever will.

3. sylcremo

My mom kept it a secret that the woman I was named after (her mom, my grandma) was stabbed to death by my uncle when my mom was 18. I always suspected my grandma had a tragic death because of how my mom would avoid talking about it, but I didn’t know it was that tragic.

4. extraordinarylove

That she can't have a relationship with her grandfather because he's a pedophile and I would never trust him. The rest of my family maintains a relationship with him and leans on me hard to open up communication because "family comes first." They are absolutely right, my family does come first, which is why my daughter won't ever have to have a relationship with him.

5. FlashyCleverUsername

My son is still very young, but I'm not planning to tell him his dad left us for meth and another woman (hes clean now and they actually split). He's at least involved again.

6. Pincipello

My wife and I each have a child from a previous marriage. Both of our ex-spouses were abusive cheaters. Both children still adore and idolize their other parent and we just keep smiling and nodding.

This probably isn't the type of thing OP was asking, but it is a secret that we will maintain for years.

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7. Dildo_Baggins_82

I don't know if it's the most fucked up, but my kids don't know that my grandfather was a child molester. He died before they were born, so I don't see any reason to ever bring it up.

Also that before we got together and got married, my husband was briefly married to my sister. No kids, and no real drama when it ended and we started dating later, so it's not really a thing that gets brought up often. They do know that she's had multiple husbands, but they don't know who the first one was.

8. MiniMan1583

Not a parent but my parents held this secret away from me for a long time. When I was 3-4, my dad volunteered at a baseball park to shuttle people back and forth on a golf cart. Well one night he didn't come home til really late and I went to hi but stopped to see that he looked scared and distraught. He is normally a rough and tough kind of guy and has a big heart. So I asked him what was wrong, but he said nothing and that he was fine. I believed him and went to bed. I woke up the next morning to see that our cousin (who doubles has our babysitter) was at our house but neither of my parents were. I asked where they went and she said they went to the morning service of church and not the afternoon service. Again I believed her and never questioned any of it. Flash forward 10 years my mom told me what really happened. He was shuttling some guy back to the parking lot when the guy put a knife to my dads neck. He then proceeded to take my dad behind a dumpster and raped him. So when he got home he waited for everyone to go to sleep and then tried to kill himself by overdosing on painkillers. My mom woke up in the middle of the night, realizing that he wasn't in bed. She found him in the bathroom on the floor motionless and called 911 where was sent to the hospital where was treated. He is thankfully still doing strong. I don't know where I would've been without him.

9. Mels_Lemonade

Not a parent but a child. This last Christmas I found out that not only was my mom had already been previously married and divorced but my dad had a kid before he married my mom. So I have a half brother or sister that I have never met. The real kicker was I found it out from my new sister in law who had someone did some digging, found out, assumed that I must already know and brought it up out of the blue on Christmas Eve while we were baking cookies.

10. crystalizedwolf

When I was a teenager (I’m 22 now) I found out that when my mom had me my dad did not believe I was his kid. He even demanded a paternity test so he didn’t have to pay child support on me because he really thought my mom had cheated on him during a business trip she went on. I don’t know why but a paternity test was never done (or maybe it was and I’ve never been told) but it explained why I felt so distant with my dad for the first 10 years of my life. He always favored my older sister more when I was younger and called her “daddy’s little girl” etc. I felt like he hated me and this explained why.

Today he’s the best dad ever. I don’t know if something shifted or what but me and him are extremely close now and he loves me endlessly. He’s been such a great dad especially when I was suicidal in high school and had really bad depression and anxiety. My moms a little bit bipolar so I’ve always been in a toxic household, and he was the only one to come and pick me up and just be there for me.

11. katiesaid

That we weren't actually visiting daddy at 'his work', its a secure psychiatric ward where he's been since she was 3 months old.

12. Pbak1

My son's older half sister molested him and that's why we don't see them anymore. Waiting until we can get into a psych for support before we break it to him.

13. soft_hime

I‘m the child but my dad waited till I‘m grown up to tell me that my mom gave me a lot of sleeping pills when I was a little child, so she could leave me alone at home to maintain her relationship with her lover while my dad was working in another country.. that cleared up many things

14. _Azalee_

Before I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I took a shit ton of pills. I think it's the closest I've ever come to suicide. I had always dealt with anxiety and depression. I feel like the extra hormones put me over the edge. I found out about a week later that I was pregnant (surprise). I was terrified the entire pregnancy that something would be wrong with him. Luckily, he was completely healthy and is an incredibly smart child. I've never told anyone. I feel so guilty.

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Ivanka Trump's tweet about her 'privilege' in Africa is a hilarious self-own.

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The American Revolution hasn't stopped Ivanka Trump from pretending that she's a princess, spending Mueller Week™ in Africa and taking pictures with women like they're for her college application.

One particular tweet from Ivanka's adventure in what her dad calls "sh*thole countries" stood out for highlighting her special way with words.

"It was my privilege!"

That's a tweet that would seem simply polite and innocuous coming from a non-Trump, but for the hotel heiress-turned-White House advisor, it's accidentally the first time she told the truth.

It was definitely Ivanka's privilege, but not all the women were impressed...

The jokes truly wrote themselves.

Despite sh*thole-gate and beginning his political career by questioning the Americanness of the first African American president, Ivanka insisted that Daddy would be "inspired" by the continent he definitely thinks of as one country.

"I've been deeply, deeply inspired by my trip here. And I think he will be as well," she told the Associated Press.

On her trip, Ivanka also revealed that she declined her father's offer to be head of the World Bank.

What makes her think she's qualified to oversee reconstruction and development around the planet? Is it....her privilege?

Kentucky BBQ Joint Gets Smoked Online For Selling "Bigoted" LGBTQ T-Shirts.

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Cultural misappropriation, freedom of speech, or both?

On Friday Fox News reported that Belles's Smoking BBQ was facing backlash over t-shirts they were selling with the letters LGBTQ, generally used as an initialism standing for "Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer," which they had changed to "Liberty, Guns, Bibel, Trump and BBQ."

They offered their shirts up with this now deleted Facebook post.

Image may contain: one or more people

Image result for Belle’s Smoking BBQ shirt

Belle's Smoking BBQ owner Jamie Smith told Fox 19. “I posted the shirt for new swag and it just went out of hand and it got blowed up."

Fox 19 reported he had sold nearly a 100 shirts, and then started advertising on Facebook to sell more.

People commenting on Belle's Facebook page are divided.

The Cincinnati Food Truck Association is also reviewing the situation.

After the backlash Belle's issued a statement apologizing.

http://www.fox19.com/2019/04/19/northern-kentucky-bbq-business-getting-heat-lgbtq-shirts/

Posted by Belle's Smokin BBQ on Friday, April 19, 2019

“Belle’s Smoking BBQ apologizes if we have offended any groups, organizations or individuals with our shirts. We respect all beliefs and lifestyles and want no ill will towards anyone. We know each person has their own thoughts and beliefs but we are hurt that the people who are saying, ‘stop the hate’ are the ones coming at us with the harassing messages and threatening phone calls. Again we apologize for any hurt feelings and thank our supporters who truly know us."

After issuing the apology Belle's reportedly ordered more shirts due to high demand.

What do you think?

I'd appreciate it if you could bring meat, beer, condiments, paper goods, and all the guests to a BBQ I'm throwing

25 Memes That Will Only Be Funny If You're Celebrating 420.

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"Smoke weed everyday."

--Nate Dogg

If the above quote speaks to your soul, you are most likely 420 friendly. These memes will get you ready to celebrate the highest of the high holidays.

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Men are painting Easter eggs on their butts and we're not mad about it.

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First came Christmas boobs. And now, to celebrate spring's most colorful holiday? Enter egg butts. Egg butts are basically what they sound like: to commemorate Easter, dudes are painting eggs on their bare butts. Don't believe me? These cheeky designs have been splashed across Instagram. But be warned: they're arguably NSFW, unless you work somewhere that's extremely cool.

If you've seen an egg butt before, it was probably on a baby, painstakingly painted by their social media-addicted parent (no judgement!).

But for reasons that should be obvious, we prefer them on grown men.

In the spirit of inclusion, here's something for the (straight) fellas. An 'egg butt' of a different kind:

View this post on Instagram

#eggbutt 😂😂😂

A post shared by J.anthony/dj-producer (@djjanthony) on

Here's to a joyously naughty Easter, y'all!


Just 23 Of The Funniest Memes On The Internet This Week.

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Laughter reduces stress, lowers your blood pressure, and gives you an excellent ab workout. Who needs healthcare when you have these hilarious memes?

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14 people share the weirdest rule in their house growing up. No pooping from 2 to 4 AM.

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Growing up, I have to admit my parents were pretty permissive. Academics were the absolute priority and I couldn't go out on weeknights, but some weekends my friends and I were allowed to get LIT. Like, puking-on-the-lawn, turning-the-kitchen-into-a-beer-pong-tournament kind of lit. They barely restricted my Internet browsing, though that's probably because they barely understood what computers did beyond e-mail. They were likely more overwhelmed by rapidly changing social mores and technology than they were actually 'cool', but 'irregardless' my household wasn't too strict - and my folks didn't enforce seemingly arbitrary rules.

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According to a popular Reddit thread, not all of you were so fortunate. alfred_the_whaleasked, 'What's the weirdest rule you had in your home growing up?' and people's responses ranged from quirky to downright disturbing. Ready for some retrospective tales? Then keep scrolling!

1. TwinLinds

My dad made up a rule to stop my big brother from asking about getting a dog every ten seconds. We had neighbors on both sides who had dogs, so the rule was that only every other house could have a dog. My brother believed it for a looonnnngg time.

2. PavlovsBog

My grandmother said not to shit during a lightning storm because a bolt of lightning might strike the pipe and electrocute me.

3. Griff-Man17

I wasn't allowed to put sugar in my tea because my mum told me that when you go to prison they don't let you have sugar, so it will makes prison that much harder.

  1. Thanks for having so much faith in me mum.

  2. I'm pretty sure you are allowed sugar for your tea in prison.

4. Daddyssillypuppy

Bed time was 7pm until I was in my teens. I didn't realise other kids had much later bedtime until I was a teenager. I think it was mostly because my mum's favourite soapy comes on at 7pm... We were noisy kids

5. tokyoish

At my friend's house they had a "no pizza-balling" rule.

There were 3 teenage brothers and when they ordered pizzas (at least a couple larges), tempers flared quickly when people would try to grab as many slices as they could.

The first rule in place was that you couldn't have more than one slice at a time, and you could grab another once you had the last bite in your mouth. But one of the brothers quickly figured it out that if you ball up a slice he could fit it in his mouth and grab another one. Hence, no pizza-balling.

6. chief_queef_69

My dad allowed me to have a bed, 5 outfits, hygiene products, and a bible. Thats it. His wife would make my sister and I sit on towels on the couch because we "smelled like shit"

7. OverallDisaster

I couldn’t recline or lay my body down AT ALL if my boyfriend was over. My mom thought that me laying down would give them “thoughts” so I couldn’t do it. Once I put my feet up on the couch while my FIANCÉ was over and my mom got pissed and thought I was trying to turn him on.

I also changed into sweatpants from jeans once because I was going to watch a movie with my boyfriend and she thought I changed to give him “better access.” I literally was just uncomfortable in jeans.

Also, no sailor moon, avatar, fairly odd parents, Harry Potter..,

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8. ColesFinsta

No pooping or peeing within the hours of 2:00 to 4:00

9. MeggersG

When I turned 16, I was not allowed to leave my room for any reason whatsoever between the hours of 11pm - 8am. I had my own bathroom and was given a mini fridge for snacks if I got hungry or was up late in the summer.

I found out later that this was because my mom would get on dating sites and invite random men to the house for coitus and didn't want me "Stealing the spot light and taking away her shot at love"

10. MaxAutism

If you come home at night and the doors locked (even if I have a key ) find some where else to sleep.

11. melindseyme

I could only buy things if I was buying them for a birthday or Christmas gift for somebody else. Mind you, this was my own money I earned from my job. My mom knew how long it took to get home from school, so if I stopped at the store, she knew and I'd be in trouble.

12. LtheDutch

My dad had diverticulosis (pockets in the intestine) and couldn't eat sesame seeds (among other things). When we would eat fast food sandwiches, everyone had to give their bottom buns to Dad, in exchange for his top buns. So all my life I grew up eating burgers with 2 top, seeded buns.

This was never explained, and it was from before I born, so it was literally when I was in college that I realized that it wasn't normal. I thought it was just Dad-Privilege TM to have 2 bottom buns.

13. gentrifiedavocado

My parents acted like referring to them as “he” or “she” while they were in the room was the equivalent of saying “fuck you”. So referring to my parents with pronouns was effectively not allowed.

14. N1ck1McSpears

We couldn’t say the word “fart.” Ever. It was up there with fuck and shit as far as bad words.

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24 hilarious tweets from women this week that have nothing to do with Trump.

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There's a decent chance you're with family right now and need a breather. If not, it's still the weekend, so put thoughts of the workweek grind behind you. If you need help relaxing, laughter usually works well, and - oh, how strange! I seem to have compiled some of the week's funniest tweets below. They're all from the brains of women, which is a massive plus in my book. Whether you need help loosening up or are already two day drinks deep - it's a holiday, treat yourself! - feel free to luxuriate in these hilarious thoughts.

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23 Memes Jesus Isn't Going To Be Happy You Laughed At.

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No one is going to Hell for reading these memes, but you might be going to a hand basket. What the heck does that mean anyway? These are the important questions we fail to answer, but at least we give you a list of memes to make you laugh.

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Khloe Kardashian and Robin Thicke were seen getting close in a video and people have theories.

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Sure, there are plenty of things going on in America right now *cough The Mueller Report cough*, but somehow the petty details of what Khloe Kardashain does at a birthday party are still making headlines. This is what I like to call the Kurse of the Kardashians. It's their world and we're all just living in it watching it from our couches.

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As you may recall, Khloe made news by simply ignoring her ex at their daughter's birthday party. Now, the tables have turned and Khloe has been caught on camera "getting close" with Robin Thicke at Kourtney Kardashian's birthday party. And by getting close we of course me hugging and talking as friends. *Clutches pearls*

The two were spotted in the background of a Snapchat, which a fan posted to Instagram. The caption predicted that people would see this video as a sign that the two were getting hot and heavy, and they weren't wrong.

Despite the caption, some people were quick to fall into the rumor trap.

Luckily, most people realized this was a joke and that two people hugging doesn't mean they are having an affair.

But the best comment award goes to Robin Thicke's fiance, April Love Geary, who was happy to play along with all of this foolishness.

And for this, we stan April Love Geary.

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