Call me crazy, but if you're not invited to something, you don't have to buy a gift, right?! Isn't that how gifts work??? Have I been doing gifts wrong this whole time?
A woman recently took to Reddit to ask if she's an a**hole for refusing to buy her sister-in-law a baby shower gift, since she wasn't invited to the baby shower.
To make things worse, the sister-in-law and her husband both confronted the woman and shamed her for not buying a gift. The woman whose baby shower it is even cried. Yikes! The woman writes:
Brother's wife (SIL) is pregnant with their first child and had a baby shower over the weekend. I was not invited to the shower but my brother sent me a gift registry. I didn't buy anything because I'm not invited so why should I buy a gift? My sil asked me what I got for her on Mon after the shower and I said I'm not getting anything. She teared up and asked me why. I simply said that I was not invited so I didn't think I need to buy a gift. I did buy a congrats on your baby card for them.
Sounds like the woman handled this just right by getting her a card but not a gift. But the woman whose baby shower it is clearly disagrees.
Sister-in-law confronted the woman about the gift and then "teared up" when she learned she wasn't getting one.
This lets you know that maybe this woman has received a few too many gifts in her life if she's displaying this level of entitlement. But the sister-in-law's husband, who is the original poster's brother, apparently disagrees and is pissed.
She writes:
My brother is angry at me and my SIL is apparently really upset. SIL and I don't get along at all so they think I am doing this to be rude and retaliatory. I think its rude to not invite guests to your baby shower but still expect them to get you a gift. My brother says I'm immediate family so the etiquette rules don't apply and I should not have said it so bluntly to his wife's face. I said I'm happy for him and his wife but I'm not getting a gift for them. Then I hung up.
Seems they are mad not only about the lack of gift, but about her "blunt" explanation (aka the truth, she wasn't invited to the baby shower).
This woman seems like the kind of person who doesn't feel the need to couch everything they say with "sorry" to prevent anyone getting hurt or mad. And as a chronic apologizer and people-pleaser, I respect this. Especially since she seems to be 100% in the right here. The rest of her family said they didn't want to get involved, so the woman was forced to turn to Reddit, the great arbiter of ethical life decisions.
She writes:
The rest of the family aren't getting in the middle of this and are just telling us to sort it amongst ourselves. What do you think? Aita?
She added that she totally would have brought a gift had she been invited:
Just wanted to add that if they had invited me I would have attended and bought a gift. They didn't so I don't see why they would expect me to get them a gift.
Commenters pretty much unanimously sided with the woman who wrote the post, deeming her "NTA" (Not The A**hole).
Many are calling out the "rude" sister-in-law for demanding a gift from someone she didn't invite to the party.
Says Abblz:
Lol, wtf? NTA She doesn’t like you enough to invite you to the shower but does like you enough to take your money? I can’t even believe the cheek.
And barbancourtfivestar writes:
Hold strong. You're absolutely in the right. & be glad that your family is staying out of it.
Says iamonlyoneman:
NTA it's rude as hell to not invite someone to a party and still expect them to buy you a gift
While veronica_deetz offered this savage suggestion:
You don’t owe them anything (your SIL is incredibly rude and has broken all social contracts), but if you want to stir the pot, give them the loudest, most annoying toy you can when the baby’s born/ for every birthday.
Glad we're all in agreement here. It's always comforting when incredibly terrible people can bring the internet together for once.