This dog won't eat his food without first mixing it like a canine line cook.

August 5, 2014, 3:41 pm

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≪ Previous: George Clooney once put a picture of his penis on Roseanne's refrigerator.

"Can I help you with something?"

Meet Louie, who won't eat without first mixing the dry food from one bowl with the wet food from a second bowl, creating an acceptable balance of texture and taste to suit his refined palate. He's the canine equivalent of the pain-in-the-ass dude in every Chipotle line who insists on giving the server precise instructions how to properly prepare his shredded chicken burrito.

I know what you're thinking: why doesn't the owner just mix the hard food with the wet food beforehand and save Louie the trouble? Great question. Louie's owner says, "he won't eat his food if we try to mix it for him. In fact, if we only give him wet food, he'll scoop at the air as if the bowl of kibble is there." Crazy answer.

Now you're probably thinking, what would happen if they mixed the food and, if Louie chose not to eat it, let it sit there for as long as it took for him to be sufficiently hungry? Another great question.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

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A map of how much pot every State is smoking.

August 5, 2014, 3:53 pm

≫ Next: Food for thought.

≪ Previous: This dog won't eat his food without first mixing it like a canine line cook.

Montana's the friend you never knew smoked.
Probably because they don't want to smoke with you. (via Wonkblog)

The marijuana legalization debate continues to blaze the nation, and the Washington Post's Wonkblog is helping us visualize the argument by showing where, exactly, Americans are the most stoned. This is a map of the percentage of Americans over the age of 12 who have smoked pot in the past month, broken down by state. While some general trends aren't surprising (the Northeast and the West Coast smoke a bit more, along with Colorado), there are some standouts. In particular, Rhode Island blew everyone out of the bong-water, with 13% of all Rhodies over 12 having lit up in the past month, and an astounding 30% of all 12-25 year olds. Listed below are the top ten states overall. If these figures aren't scandalous enough for you, you can check out our map of the biggest secrets every state is hiding.

It's flat-out legal in CO and WA...how are they not in first and second? (via Wonkblog)

You can see the full list and use the interactive map over at Wonkblog. You can also check out all our other maps here.

(by Johnny McNulty)

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Food for thought.

August 5, 2014, 5:00 pm

≫ Next: Message sent.

≪ Previous: A map of how much pot every State is smoking.

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Message sent.

August 6, 2014, 5:00 am

≫ Next: No worries.

≪ Previous: Food for thought.

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No worries.

August 6, 2014, 7:23 am

≫ Next: A girl made a jar of 101 things she loves about her boyfriend... like who they both hate.

≪ Previous: Message sent.

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A girl made a jar of 101 things she loves about her boyfriend... like who they both hate.

August 6, 2014, 7:30 am

≫ Next: Justin Bieber can be used as a replacement for bear mace.

≪ Previous: No worries.

"Love is composed of a single soul in two bodies, hating everybody else." (via imgur)

Ahhh love. I don't know what it is and my friends and co-workers tell me I'll never experience it until I give up my narcissistic ways of beginning articles with anecdotes about myself. But I've heard about love, and I'd like to think I know it when I see it.

Take redditor NuclearThane, for example. He's in love! So in love, in fact, he has a girlfriend who made a jar of 101 things she loves about him. Among them was the universal law of compatibility:

"I love... that we dislike the same people."

Ahhh dislike, the core of all love. Who isn't relieved when they find out they don't like the same people? After all, I believe the saying goes, "He who is the enemy of my enemy is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with."

NuclearThane doesn't show us the rest of those love notes, but here's my guess for a few:

I love...

... that you never waste your money on charity.

... that you care enough to go through my texts to make sure I'm not cheating.

... how we only talk to each other at parties.

... we can sit in separate rooms and quietly resent each other.

... how neither of us have spoken to our family in years.

...how every single day with you is one step closer to death.

Man, what an inspiration these two are. It is my hope that someday everyone can have the love to hate like these two have. In the meantime, the rest of us not so lucky in love will have to settle for sitting alone, turning the volume off our computers, and loving ourselves.

(by Myka Fox)

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Justin Bieber can be used as a replacement for bear mace.

August 6, 2014, 7:32 am

≫ Next: What should you give up before the baby comes? A checklist...

≪ Previous: A girl made a jar of 101 things she loves about her boyfriend... like who they both hate.

True story: I listened to Justin Bieber. (via kp.ru)

We all know that Justin Bieber is repellent, but until now science was unable to say just how repellent. Thanks to a near-death incident between a Russian fisherman and a huge predator, however, we know that he is, at minimum, bear-repellent (i.e. 4 to 80 times stronger than human pepper spray).

Justin Bieber, seen here laying down some fresh mace.

Igor Vorozhbitsyn was walking from his car to his favorite fishing spot when "there was a tremendous impact on my back and the bear was on top of me." Not a cute little black bear trying to get at some snacks in his pocket, either. A big-ass brown bear, a 1000+ lb. predator and the national symbol of Russia. At that moment, however, someone happened to call Igor, causing his phone to begin playing its pre-selected ringtone, Justin Bieber's 'Baby.' Naturally, like any creature that values its own life, the humongous bear ran off into the woods.

Sadly, human expansion has decimated the Bieber-free environment bears need.
(via Marshmallow)

Said Vorozhbitsyn, "I couldn't believe my luck when the phone went off and he fled. I know that sort of ringtone isn't to everyone's taste, but my granddaughter loaded it onto my phone for a joke." I hope his granddaughter is in slightly less trouble, seeing as that horrible joke saved his life.

Let's be honest: if you were a bear, he'd look pretty tasty. (via kp.ru)

No word yet on whether Orlando Bloom and the bear have teamed up to avenge their reputations against the young Canadian musician, although the bear has been romantically linked to Miranda Kerr in the past.

(by Johnny McNulty)

↧

What should you give up before the baby comes? A checklist...

August 6, 2014, 7:37 am

≫ Next: Woman in the park doing Tai Chi while on a conference call TEACH ME YOUR SECRETS

≪ Previous: Justin Bieber can be used as a replacement for bear mace.

By Dan Abromowitz. Follow him on Twitter.

Designed by Cole Mitchell

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Woman in the park doing Tai Chi while on a conference call TEACH ME YOUR SECRETS

August 6, 2014, 8:25 am

≫ Next: Loss for words.

≪ Previous: What should you give up before the baby comes? A checklist...

Sam ThorpeWed, 6 Aug 2014 11:25:34 EDT

Woman in the park doing Tai Chi while on a conference call TEACH ME YOUR SECRETS

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Loss for words.

August 6, 2014, 8:42 am

≫ Next: A 73-year-old man was assaulted by an insurance company employee. A-hole company paid his $21K settlement in coins.

≪ Previous: Woman in the park doing Tai Chi while on a conference call TEACH ME YOUR SECRETS

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A 73-year-old man was assaulted by an insurance company employee. A-hole company paid his $21K settlement in coins.

August 6, 2014, 8:54 am

≫ Next: This bear walks on its hind legs like the human it thinks it is.

≪ Previous: Loss for words.

Andres Carrasco, 73, clearly asking to be treated like dirt with that face of his.
(via KNBC-TV)

Warning: Sarcasm ahead.

The heroic Adriana's Insurance Company in Rancho Cucamonga, California has finally taken a stand against a true menace to society: people over 70 who whine after being assaulted by your employees. How is Adriana's achieving justice? By paying their court settlements in buckets of loose change that are too heavy for your senior citizen opponents to lift.

Yes, little crybaby Andres Carrasco, 73, claimed in 2012 to have been physically attacked by an Adriana's employee. After trying valiantly to fight back against the septuagenarian bully in court, Adriana was brought to its knees and forced to settle for the astronomical amount of $21,000.

Yes, that is Adriana, and yes, she already hates you. (via Facebook)

Adriana's, which is named for its founder, Adriana Gallardo, wasn't going to take this abuse sitting down. Instead of paying Carrasco with a check, or even a tasteful briefcase of cash, Ms. Gallardo sent over eight working-age employees with buckets of pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters. Because screw Andres Carrasco, am I right? Who the hell does he think he is, getting assaulted like that? Prick.

These people are asking to get coined right in the face. (via Yelp)

Here's what Carrasco had to say in a statement, "Adriana's Insurance, is this the way you treat everyone? Why don't you like your clients? I am disappointed by the way Adriana's treats their customers and the elderly. We might be poor, but we are people too."

UGH. So annoying, right? Makes you just want to assault and then insult him.

(by Johnny McNulty)

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This bear walks on its hind legs like the human it thinks it is.

August 6, 2014, 9:00 am

≫ Next: This guy gets a small army of ducks to march into a barn with his voice.

≪ Previous: A 73-year-old man was assaulted by an insurance company employee. A-hole company paid his $21K settlement in coins.

Why do these guys keep filming me every time I go out to get the paper?

Who is to say why Ian Bohman was really out at 5:50 am with his camera (pervert), but he caught some really strange footage of this bear walking on hind legs just like a human.

"I was just in the perfect spot," Bohman comments on his YouTube vid. "I first spotted him in this exact spot I'm standing, took out my camera and just started filming. He just walked on by like I wasn't even there."

He probably didn't want to alarm the weirdo tracking him with a camera. Who knows how those camera freaks can react when they're startled. We are talking about one sophisticated bear here -- just walking around the neighborhood, gathering its thoughts for the day, checking out whats good in trash cans.

Can't this bear that thinks it's a human just chill without the paparazzi all over him? C'mon people!

But, as long as we have the footage, it couldn't hurt to take a little peak...

Anyone else thinking all of the Big Foot photos were just this bear? Unless, of course, Big Foot is real, and this is a different thing -- a bear evolving into a human, right in front of our eyes.

(by Myka Fox)

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This guy gets a small army of ducks to march into a barn with his voice.

August 6, 2014, 9:45 am

≫ Next: Old habits.

≪ Previous: This bear walks on its hind legs like the human it thinks it is.

"Quit flocking around!"

This Russian guy is so good at controlling his platoon of ducks, he would likely be known as the Duck Whisperer if it weren't for all the shouting. Like ducks, I don't speak Russian, so I have no idea what the Duck Czar is screaming. But whatever it is, it's working.

I know about imprinting, and that ducklings often latch on to a human if the mother isn't around. But these are full-grown ducks. Not only that, there's enough of them that they could easily overpower this guy if they all charged him at once. Although, that's easy for me to say from the safety of my apartment. If I was a duck and he was shouting at me, I'd probably fall in line with the rest of the flock, because I would not want this guy getting all up in my bill.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

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Old habits.

August 6, 2014, 10:11 am

≫ Next: Someone combined Chris Pratt's 'Forgot About Dre' rap with the original song, giving him the feature spot of his dreams.

≪ Previous: This guy gets a small army of ducks to march into a barn with his voice.

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Someone combined Chris Pratt's 'Forgot About Dre' rap with the original song, giving him the feature spot of his dreams.

August 6, 2014, 10:20 am

≫ Next: Cute armadillo plays with its toy like a kitten with a ball of yarn.

≪ Previous: Old habits.

Let's just hope he doesn't go the way of Bruce Willis.

Just to catch you up real quick: Over the weekend, Chris Pratt became a worldwide A-list star, as the lead of Marvel Studios's box-office record-breaking space opera, Guardians of the Galaxy. Then earlier this week, he continued delighting fanboys and fangirls by showing off his hip-hop chops and rapping, verbatim, the whole Eminem part of Dr. Dre's 2000 hit "Forgot About Dre" on The Whoolywood Shuffle radio show.

Now, just to further cement Pratt's title as the Internet's crush of the week, someone who goes by the name Trey Tech took the original beat from "Forgot About Dre" and slipped it beneath Pratt's already-impressively-solid rhymes. The result is even better than you're currently imagining:

And, just in case you're wondering, he's seen it, and he loves it:

“@ZanderJudge: @prattprattpratt reddit user treytech synced your clip of Forgot About Dre to the beat!! http://t.co/7yXcqYuvsy” YES!!
— chris pratt (@prattprattpratt) August 6, 2014

Now, I'm just wondering what Eminem thinks of it. That guy's kind of a wild card.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

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Cute armadillo plays with its toy like a kitten with a ball of yarn.

August 6, 2014, 10:35 am

≫ Next: Kama the surfing pig has a better life than you.

≪ Previous: Someone combined Chris Pratt's 'Forgot About Dre' rap with the original song, giving him the feature spot of his dreams.

Armadillos are the cutest animals that look like war tanks.

The name armadillo originates from the Spanish conquistadores, and means “little armored thing,” although I prefer the Aztec name, Azotochtli, which means “turtle-rabbit.” It does sort of look like that -- a cute little rabbit thats been burdened with a heavy-ass turtle shell.

Rollie, the southern three-banded armadillo, is less like a rabbit and more like a kitten, playing with the toy on its back with all four paws (feet?) as though someone just rubbed its belly a second too long. So cute! If armadillos weren't responsible for a third of all leprosy cases in the US, I'd get one and pet its shell today!

The Aztecs were pretty close with turtle-rabbit, but I think we can do better. Clam-kitten? War tank-puppy? Helmet-hedgehog?

(by Myka Fox)

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Kama the surfing pig has a better life than you.

August 6, 2014, 11:13 am

≫ Next: Commuters unite to shove a train off a trapped passenger.

≪ Previous: Cute armadillo plays with its toy like a kitten with a ball of yarn.

Oink break. (via)

If you're a pig who lives in Hawaii, you don't have a lot of lifestyle options. And what few there are usually end with you over a fire as the star attraction at a luau. Kama the pig, however, lives the life of a retired rock star, and spends his days surfing near his home on the Hawaiian island of Oahu.

While it's kind of depressing to learn that a pig in Hawaii lives a life ten times cooler than yours, at least the rest of us cogs can live vicariously through him thanks to his Instagram account and this video of him on his board hanging two.

While it must be great for Kama, you have to figure there are sharks in the area who dream of getting a shot at the board carrying 15 pounds of bacon.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

↧

Commuters unite to shove a train off a trapped passenger.

August 6, 2014, 11:37 am

≫ Next: The #EbolaTVShows we'll all be watching soon if this disease doesn't kill us first.

≪ Previous: Kama the surfing pig has a better life than you.

See how good normal people can be when they don't want to be late for work?

Commuters in Perth, Australia took time out of their busy schedules to save a man who was interrupting their busy schedules. At around 8:05am local time, a man was getting onto the Transperth train at the tail end of rush hour when his leg slipped through the gap between the train and the platform.

RT @nicolastaylornz: Mind the Gap !!, Stirling Station this am #perthnews #wanews @thewest_com_au pic.twitter.com/p0uKvltadf
— Nicolas Taylor (@nicolastaylornz) August 6, 2014

Fellow passengers alerted the conductors not to leave the station, and transportation workers eventually got all the passengers off of the train and directed them to push the train until the man could free himself.

Said Transperth spokesman David Hynes.

Our staff who were there at the time got the passengers, and there were lots of them, off the train, and organised them to sort of rock, tilt the train backwards away from the platform so they were able to get him out and rescue him....Everyone sort of pitched in. It was people power that saved someone from possibly quite serious injury.

The man was taken to a hospital but was not considered to be injured.

(by Johnny McNulty)

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The #EbolaTVShows we'll all be watching soon if this disease doesn't kill us first.

August 6, 2014, 11:52 am

≫ Next: Gun advocates publish pro-'Open Carry' children's book to teach kids how awesome guns are.

≪ Previous: Commuters unite to shove a train off a trapped passenger.

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Gun advocates publish pro-'Open Carry' children's book to teach kids how awesome guns are.

August 6, 2014, 12:48 pm

≫ Next: Barack Obama sings Iggy Azalea's 'Fancy.'

≪ Previous: The #EbolaTVShows we'll all be watching soon if this disease doesn't kill us first.

Oh yeah, this story definitely has a happy ending.
(via My Parents Open Carry)

What could possibly explain this children's book that is designed to make guns appealing to kids? Not just guns in general, but the practice of taking the power to kill someone instantly everywhere you go, so you can wordlessly threaten anyone who looks at you funny (or looks funny to you)? Well, according to Brian Jeffs and Nathan Nephews, the authors of this biased view of the Constitution, "we fear our children being raised with a biased view of our constitution." Ah, well, that explains it.

A-OK-47(via Amazon)

That's why they wrote this book about Brenna Strong (really?) and her mom Bea Strong ("be strong," really??) and dad Richard Strong (REALLY? DICK STRONG????), just a normal family that always has the power to blow your brainpan all over the wall right at their fingertips.

It's like how in Muppet Babies, you could only see the adult's stockings and gun.

Just as a refresher, here's the 2nd Amendment: "A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed. " It does not say that everything is like the Wild West. The Wild West, by the way, was called that because it had not yet been incorporated fully into the United States and its laws.

As you may have noticed, the 2nd Amendment is not the clearest run-on sentence to ever become legally binding for all of America. There's a lot of room for debate. You know who should have those debates? Adults. Kids are impressionable morons who can't tell the difference between propaganda and fact, and that's why you don't make books about how the coolest thing you can do is pack heat in the supermarket. Especially when your teachers are your parents, since this book is specifically marketed to "Home School Teachers." (Don't forget to check out this publisher's other best-seller, "Raising Boys Feminists Will Hate.")

Oh, well, if teens think it's cool, it must be a great f**king idea.
(via My Parents Open Carry)

Ah yes. Some people do evil things. Normal people never momentarily go into fits of rage on the highway, or while stuck in line at Burger King, listening to a brat curse and demand pie. Normal people are not intimidated by gun nuts walking around town with assault rifles and verbally harassing Marines who disagree with them. It's not like even a trained law enforcement official might, say, overreact and point his gun at the head of a Boy Scout because he didn't like the Scout taking a picture of him. Normal people will be totally safe if more normal people have guns. Because normal people—the ones you know, went to high school with, order coffee from, and work with—can totally all be trusted to carry guns all day.

14 Reported Dead In Grammatical Dispute Over "Open Carry."(via Amazon)