"The average dog is nicer than the average person."
-Andy Rooney
Happy National Dog Day to all the good boys and girls out there (and their owners too.) These hilarious memes will melt any dog lover's heart. I read all of them to my dog, Buzz, and he was *very impressed.
*licking himself.
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Melania Trump emerged from her tanning bad to attend the G7 summit in France with her husband and the leaders of the world's six other biggest economies. Among the dignitaries is Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, and the First Lady couldn't help but swoon, according to a snapshot. While the moment might look different in context, the internet's meme makers had fun with the perfectly timed photo.
Even if your "job" isn't to pretend that you share a bed with Donald Trump while being dispatched to promote his racist agenda, you'd be certainly to be star-struck over Prime Minister Trudeau, who is an objectively handsome lad.
The picture went viral, as people began tweeting #MelaniaLovesTrudeau in hopes of pissing Trump off. Melania loves Trudeau, and she's not the only one.
There's no doubt that the president, who spends his life on Twitter despite having at least 7000 better things to do, has seen the memes, and if he ever actually spent time with his wife, would give her a stern talking-to about humiliating like this.
And she'll be dreaming of Justin the whole time.
Lara Spencer hopes you have a good morning and that you accept her apology.
The morning show host apologized for mocking the future King of England's love of ballet and sounding like one of the mean miners in Billy Elliot. On Thursday's"pop news" segment, Spencer discussed the curriculum at six-year-old George's posh school, which includes dance.
"He looks so happy about the ballet class," she said as photos of the kid flashed on screen. "Prince William says George absolutely loves ballet. I have news for you Prince William: We’ll see how long that lasts."
Dancers were insulted that Spencer would imply that a boy is bound to hate dancing, as if there's something wrong and unmasculine about it. Famous dancers, including Derek Hough, were insulted by Spencer's tone and called her out for sounding like their childhood bullies.
"The tone and mockery towards dance is just dated, old and not relevant anymore. Those who mock don’t understand," Hough wrote."I’m proud to be a dancer and I strongly encourage any, who would like to try. So if there are any young kids out there who have a passion to pursue dance, don’t be discouraged by those who might laugh or make fun, tease or taunt."
Dancers and the people who loved them launched the #BoysDanceToo hashtag and tweeted at Spencer stories and videos of dancers who are men.
Even Gene Kelly's widow was super pissed, writing an open letter to Spencer and calling the segment "disgraceful."
The backlash was so powerful that Good Morning America dedicated today's show to Spencer's apology and righting the wrong, as the dance-skeptic sat down with three prominent ballet dancers and watched them lead a class in Times Square.
To quote Tobias Fünke, why don't you start"jetée-ing" and stop "je-terrorizing" dancers?
Since jumping into the race, former vice president Joe Biden was leading in the polls, primarily because people supported him because he was supported by the polls.
The latest poll, however, shows Biden behind both big bank breaker-uppers Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren, with the two progressive candidates tied at 20%. With Bernie and Warren at 20% compared to Biden's 19%, it is hardly an insurmountable lead, but the fact that Biden took a double-digit dive seems significant.
It's probably too early to tell whether or not Biden should be worried, but as Bernie Sanders knows, it's all about the one percent.
ABC7 reports that two women in Middletown, New Jersey were caught on tape stealing a stroller, and accidentally left their DNA behind, in the form of a baby.
The baby store manager (as in, it's a baby store, the manager is not a baby), described the vast conspiracy that went down last week.
"I had a couple of customers in the store, and then three women walked in behind another customer," he explained. "Two of them distracted me, and then one walked out with the stroller. And then a couple minutes later, one of them comes back in because they left their child in the store."
"I (noticed the stroller was gone), however, I didn't want to jump to conclusions, so I definitely walked around the store first and then started checking the camera and then noticed the stroller had been taken," Justin told ABC7."And then right before I called the cops, the girl had come walking back in to retrieve the child. And at that point after she had walked out, I said, 'Hey, I'm pretty sure you guys stole my stroller. I'd like it back.' And she just kind of ran off, and at that point I dialed 911."
Police were able to identify two of the women from the security camera footage and arrested them.
Hopefully they remembered to call a babysitter before going to jail.
A penis is worth a thousand words.
While the Amazon is burning, let us take a moment to laugh at how funny it is that a silhouette supposed to commemorate an emotional proposal turned accidentally lewd and crude.
You deserve it (unless you are Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro, whose privatization of the rainforest puts the entire planet at risk).
Melania Trump is forever surrounded by a cloud of dissociation obscuring her deeply buried sense of despair. I am convinced, she has never had sex she enjoyed, and that lack of pleasure has caused an out-of-body level of disconnection that only briefly disappears when handsome, kind men are near her (so, certainly not when she's alone with Donald Trump).
There have been multiple times that photos circulated of Melania avoiding holding Trump's hand, it's an ongoing documented pattern of avoidance that only confirms the suspicions that many of us have about their marriage: she is deeply unhappy, and there is no secret soft side to Trump.
While most photos of Melania show a dead-in-the-eyes level of emptiness, the shell of a woman who once held out hope for a joyful life, there are sparse, rare occasions where she smiles and looks full of oxygen once more.
The latest, and perhaps most compelling of these photos, shows Melania gazing deep into the eyes of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, and while it's just one second in time captured, her desire for a fulfilling sex life is in plain view.
Because Twitter is full of petty people (myself included) who hate Trump from the depth of their souls, and love a good meme, the still image of Melania giving Trudeau bedroom eyes quickly transformed into the #MelaniaLovesTrudeau hashtag.
If there isn't already political fan fiction written about Trudeau and Melania, there certainly will be now.
They put up with a lot between misbehaving children and teenagers, overbearing parents, state curriculum requirements and standardized testing. They nurture future generations and oftentimes see children more than their own parents do.
A good teacher is a person you'll remember forever. I'll never forget the English teacher who moved my desk outside when I fell asleep during class...
Sometimes though, even the kindest, most caring, and understanding of teachers need to vent. When a recent Reddit user asked, "Teachers of Reddit, what was your 'how are my students this dumb?' moment?' teachers everywhere were ready to dish. Sorry kids, there actually is such a thing as a dumb question.
Me: I’m thinking of a fruit that is yellow and very sour! Student: Chickenpox!
One of my 16 year old students asked, while starting a multiple choice test, if it mattered what letter he chose. I just stared at him. Sometimes there are no words.
"Are mermaids real?" followed shortly by "I don't believe in dinosaurs."
She was 16.
Once had a girl who thought there were people living on Venus, we just couldn't talk to them because they didn't have phones.
I have a poster on my wall that says something about not believing everything you read on the internet, and it attributes the quote to Abraham Lincoln. Student said, “Wait, did they have internet back then?”
I asked my class of 5th graders what city they live in, and the first response was “Texas”.
I teach swimming lessons and lifeguarding courses. During one, I was trying to teach them cpr and instead of showing them first, I told them to show me what they already knew about it.
I then proceeded to observe 15 16-20 year olds do the weirdest shit to those poor training dolls. My favorite though was the kid who did a two foot jump onto the chest of the dummy. The dummy slid out from under his feet like a cartoon banana and he landed on his rear end on the pool deck. Good times
A classmate of mine in elementary school had this exchange with our teacher:
"What's the answer to this [multiple choice question with 3 choices]?"
"A?"
"no"
"C?"
"no"
"I don't know."
During a spelling test last year, I said a word three times and a student asked, "Miss, how do you spell that?"
Three weeks into writing a research paper.
"Okay today we'll continue writing the body paragraphs of the essay."
Student: "What essay?"
Not a teacher, but one freshman in my class took a rip of his vape and got caught by the substitute teacher. He tried to deny it by saying he could make vapor out of his mouth with nothing else.
I'm a student and in my physics the teacher was explaining how space is a big vacuum and one student was super confused and after asking some questions it eventually became clear he was thinking of a vacuum cleaner.
Last year I was a TA for Gender Studies at a reasonably well ranked university in the US. I ask students to write a short story about how life for humans would be if we reproduced in a different way and how it would affect society. For example, we grow our babies in jars in the hospital, how would that affect society? I told them not to write anything they wouldn’t want their old lady teaching team to read.
I got four pages of explicit spider pornography.
For women’s history month, I had my students give presentations on famous women in history. One student got up and, dead serious, gave a presentation on “Anne Franklin” and said that “the holocaust was a guy called Hitler.” She had researched all of this. I still don’t understand.
It's nearly impossible to get all the way through a grocery store checkout line without seeing tabloid covers gasping about a female celebrity's cellulite, or speculating about her latest yo-yo diet.
The raging paparazzi obsession with famous women's bodies - whether covered in tunics or revealed in bikinis, is so disgusting and commonplace it's become almost innocuous. At this point, the sight of a tabloid cover inappropriately dissecting a woman's body has become white noise, not because it's okay, but because we build a depressing tolerance to nonsense in order to function.
However, when you flip the double standard and apply these headlines to men, it's quickly, glaringly clear just how far down the rabbithole the sexism of tabloids has traveled. Sometimes, a gender swap is just what's needed to shine a light on the pervasiveness of a double standard.
Gather round for another edition of Guest Shaming.
PowPopBang posted on Wedding Shaming a week before a wedding that they had heard from their fiancé's friend, who decided to rescind his RSVP because of the venue. Well, it's more because of god, or the ceremony's lack thereof.
She begins:
That's it, I'm guest shaming.
F*cking fuming right now. My wedding is a week from today -- food has been paid for, the seating chart is done, etc.
Today, my fiance gets a text from one of his friends who had previously RSVPed that he and his wife were coming to the wedding. The text said something along the line of "we need to talk ASAP." Pretty ominous, right? So my fiance meets up with his friend.
For context, this particular friend (let's call him Terry) is super, SUPER Catholic and possibly the most religious person I've ever met. I consider myself to be Christian, my fiance is atheist and we're having a secular wedding.
The fiancé generously offered his time to Terry, but no good dead goes unpunished:
So my fiance meets up with Terry who immediately tells him that he has decided not to come to the wedding for moral/religious reasons. Evidently, our wedding is "sacrilegious" and "not valid" because we're not having it in a church. He had apparently been wrestling with the idea of attending our "fake" wedding and talked to his priest about it over dinner. The priest told him not to go, and also told him about a woman who he (the priest) advised not to attend her OWN SISTER'S wedding because it also wasn't being held in a church.
Terry then attempted to convert my fiance. It did not work.
Terry sure sounds whipped by this priest, who seems dead-set on separating him from his friends who are "sacrilegious" non-believers. Are we sure that the church Terry goes to isn't the Church of Scientology?
I'm no expert, but I doubt that Jesus would be happy with Terry for being a total d-bag a week before a friend's wedding, costing them greatly. Xenu on the other hand...
Many stars have graced MTV's Music Video Awards stage so far tonight, including Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, and Lizzo. But one artist in particular piqued my interest, and probably yours if you were born before 1995: Missy Elliott. Missy performed at the VMAs for the first time in sixteen years and she did *not* disappoint, as Twitter's breathless reactions made clear.
People especially loved seeing Alyson Stoner, who danced in several of Missy's videos as a child, perform with her again - this time all grown up!
The whole shebang is viewable here and well worth watching:
After Missy's medley of hits, Cardi B presented her with the Video Vanguard Award. It recognizes an outstanding artist's accomplishments in music and film. Given Missy's decades-long career as a rapper, singer, songwriter, and producer, people considered the honor overdue. She's also produced memorable, visually-captivating music videos since the 90s, some of which became MTV staples while in rotation.
Missy Elliott: hip-hop innovator, music video pioneer, and entertainment legend. Periodt!
The 2019 MTV Video Music Awards aired earlier tonight and took place at The Prudential Center in Newark, New Jersey. Taylor Swift opened the show with a highly-anticipated performance, which included the live world premiere of her single 'Lover.' Miley Cyrus also debuted her heart-wrenching song 'Slide Away' live, a meditation on her dissolved marriage to Liam Hemsworth. Lizzo was 'Good As Hell' despite losing Best New Artist to Billie Eilish. Normani did gymnastics. The Jonas Brothers delivered a VMAs performance for the first time in 11 years, rocking out remotely at Asbury Park's The Stone Pony - fitting for Jersey natives. Though comedian Sebastian Maniscalco's hosting abilities didn't impress viewers, the ceremony proceeded smoothly and did what it does best: gathering pop's biggest names in one room to see what happens.
I've rounded up some of Twitter's most hilarious responses. Did you enjoy this year's awards? Did your favs win? Whose performance was most captivating? (The only correct answer: Missy Elliott's).
Remember when John Travolta called Idina Menzel "Adele Dazeem" and for a brief moment the entire world stood still?
Well, everyone's favorite former Danny Zuko is at it again.
First thing's first: why the eff was John Travolta at the VMAs? Well, the answer is simple: the VMAs were held in Newark, New Jersey, and Travolta is one of Jersey's blessed children. Queen Latifah, his co-presenter, also hails from the great Garden State.
They were presenting the award for Video of the Year, and the winner was Taylor Swift of Pennsylvania, a place where the VMAs will never be.
Swift toted a large entourage to the stage with her, many of whom appeared in the video that won, "You Need to Calm Down." One of those performers was Jade Jolie, a drag queen who dressed as Swift in a memorable sequence of the vid where drag queens dressed as the culture's current reigning pop queens appear onstage together.
Zero of those pop queens — literally ZERO — appeared in the flesh at the VMAs aside from Taylor Swift — but again, we digress.
Jolie apparently got to the stage before Swift — and Travolta appeared to accidentally hand the video over to her by accident.
Jolie was very gracious about it. She could've laughed in his face but instead she just... chuckled politely in his face.
The moment unsurprisingly went viral, and people couldn't help but laugh.
Adding to the insanity of it all, Travolta had made a joke about his Adele Dazeem snafu just seconds earlier.
He also used the phrase "all that and a bag of chips." Google that clip at your peril.
One child referred to John Travolta as "the presenter," apparently not familiar with the actor famous for "Grease" and "Pulp Fiction" and also less famous for "Michael." Clearly this person is too young to be watching MTV, where are their parents?
Is there any awards show that's Travolta-proof? Probably not. But one thing's for sure: Jade Jolie is obviously an incredible Taylor impersonator and deserves a raise.
Writing your own wedding vows is a big risk that sometimes pays off— and sometimes doesn't.
One bride learned this the hard way when her husband decided to tell a ~*hilarious*~ story about her taking nude photos in his vows.
The bride posted about it on the subreddit "Am I the A-hole?", wondering if she was in the wrong for telling her husband she didn't appreciate the vows.
He started out talking about how they met, and other pretty tame stuff. Then things took a turn for the worse:
Then gets into his favorite stories one of which is how he one day came home work and saw me posing naked taking pictures of myself. (I am an artist, so I use pictures of myself to get a pose and light right. Note that I have never shown my family my art and have told my husband I am extremely uncomfortable about the idea of it).
Her grandparents were present, she writes, along with a bunch of children.
The rest of the vows were "from the heart," she said, and the wedding was fun overall. But the bride can't get over it. She asked the people of Reddit: is she the a-hole for continuing to bring up how much she disliked his vows?
"I have said a few times how I would have preferred he had kept that out if the vows," she writes. "I've told him how I wish he had just stuck to the end of his vows which I loved."
She also mentions in the beginning of the post that her husband has a history of botching important moments, so she's not that surprised he ruined his vows.
"[You're the a-hole] if you keep bringing it up," OilSeeYouL8er writes. "If you have to admit you knew what you were getting into then I think you know you've worn this gripe down to the stub."
Honestly, this is a little harsh — he brought up her nudity in front of the fam! That's embarrassing!
Pokey711 agreed, but added that "everyone sucks here," including the husband:
He should have been more sensitive about the content of his vows, definitely, but what do you accomplish by continuing to lord it over him? It's done, and can't be undone. I have a flask my wife got me on our honeymoon, and if you and I were friends I'd give you a swig off of it. It has a Buddha in the lotus position on the front with the inscription
Let that shit go.
Havartna points out that if you ask your spouse to write their own vows, you can't be surprise when they... well... write their own vows.
If you wanted control over what your husband said you shouldn’t have chosen to have him to write his own vows. Plus, it’s over. You are married. You should be concentrating on building a strong marriage and not dredging up issues from the wedding.
Brokenpotatochip specified that it's okay for the bride to be hurt, but she should let it go for both their sakes.
He embarrassed you on a very important day and it's okay to be hurt about that. But continuing to bring it up after you've discussed it doesn't achieve anything either.
Focus on the nice ending to his vows and let the rest go. It can't be changed.
And WishIWasaNeutronStar pointed out the elephant in the room: these people don't seem amazingly suited to each other!
He should have been more sensitive and asked you how you would feel if your discussed that story in front of your relatives. However, why you are so "mortified" by the story is entirely beyond me. What worries me more is your language and how it suggests bottled up feelings and incompatibilities here...
"The great challenge of adulthood is holding on to your idealism after you lose your innocence."
-Bruce Springsteen
We were really misled when we thought being an adult was going to be awesome. Turns out it's all work, bills, and back pain. At least we can laugh at these hilarious memes.
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"Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated."
-Confucius
Life is simple. You wake up, laugh at memes, pretend to work, laugh at memes. watch Netflix, laugh at memes, struggle to sleep, laugh at memes, and repeat for the rest of your life. Did I mention you laugh at memes?
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Even if you're not someone who is prone to embarrassment, we all make a mistake every now and then that seems like recovery is impossible. Of course, the moments get worse as you grow up. What I would give to go back to the days when the most embarrassing thing I ever did was call my teacher "mom!"
The best part about humiliation, though, is when the pain has passed and you can laugh about it. Listening to other people's red-faced nightmares is cathartic. Luckily, we have the internet to expedite the process of sharing stories.
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Getting proposed in front of a room of people can be deeply romantic, if it's something your partner knows you're on board for. But sharing that very intense moment in front of an audience isn't everyone's cup of tea, particularly at another family's wedding reception.
While there's no hard and fast rule about what constitutes an appropriate proposal setting, it's fairly common sense that you don't propose at someone else's wedding because it's a major spotlight steal.
"AITA for intentionally ruining my BF's proposal?"
"BF and I were at my father's wedding reception, and my entire family and dad's friends were there. BF been dropping hints all day about a surprise he had planned and he kept putting his hand in his trouser pocket, but when his hand was out of his pocket I saw something that could have very easily been a ring box."
OP then told him that it wasn't the time or place to propose.
"Then at one point he took a deep breath, finished his drink, and started to stand up. I stood up with him, grabbed him by the elbow and dragged him into another room and said "if you're about to do what I think you're about to do, then don't tell me, just don't do it here and now." He said it was meant to be a surprise and I said this wasn't the place to surprise me."
"He then showed me the ring and it's my (paternal) grandmother's engagement ring, which he couldn't have had without my dad giving it to him. He then told me that dad and my stepmum had already approved his plan of proposing tonight, but I'd sort of put him off proposing tonight as it was no longer a surprise and I'd explicitly told him not to literally seconds ago. I had no idea they'd approved it or I would have just let him get on with it, and I'd have said yes."
"I feel like I fucked up here. Did I?"
"NAH. People who propose or announce pregnancies or engagements at somebody's else's wedding occupy a special level of suck. so no, you definitely did not fuck up. and even if your dad and stepmum gave permission to bf to do this, it still does not mean he should do it. He shouldn't have asked them in the first place as it's such a big ask, and they may have assented because they felt like they had no choice. weddings are about the bride and groom, plain and simple."
"As for your bf, I kind of give him a pass in even trying this on as young guys tend of think of weddings as family reunions in fancy dress. he may simply not understand wedding etiquette or...simple courtesy. but he'll learn fast enough once you guys start planning your own!"
"NAH. Have you guys talked about proposals at all? Even if your dad and stepmom were cool with it, are you interested in being in public when proposed to, or would you have enjoyed being proposed to at someone else's wedding? It sucks that you ruined the surprise but it seems you were caught way off guard, maybe time to get on the same page."
"NAH. It's sweet what he was trying to do, but this is supposed to be a special memory for both of you, meaning both of you should be comfortable when it happens."
"Your family who was in on the plan, your boyfriend, these are all people who love you and presumably want to you be happy. It just so happens that, in this instance, your bf missed the mark. Next time, knowing your preference, he can plan something that the two of you will remember fondly for the rest of your lives."
"NAH. It's cool that he got approval, but it really is sort of a strange thing to propose at someone else's wedding reception. You were being very thoughtful for picking up on the signs and trying to discretely save the evening."
"I suspect this will all be put behind everyone as just a big comedy of errors. No harm no foul here."
At this point, everyone seems to understand where OP was coming from, hopefully her boyfriend does as well so he can get on with proposing in a less anxiety-inducing setting.
Everyone who has ever been in middle school can recall—or has effectively repressed—the fact that it is the worst time ever in which hormones are ablaze and math class suddenly gets complicated.
Karen Wunderlich Loewe, a middle school teacher in Oklahoma, makes sure her students know that they are not the only ones struggling, and that puberty is a tough time for everyone.
In a post that has now gone viral on Facebook with over 402,000 shares, Mrs. Wunderlich Loewe explained "The Baggage Activity," in which she asked kids to anonymously write down their struggles, and a classmate would read it before the class.
Her students and their families are struggling with issues as issues as heavy as suicide and as silly as a gerbil dying because it was fat, but everyone is struggling.
Wunderlich Loewe shared a photo of the physical representation of baggage, along with the emotional story of what happened in class.
This starts my 22nd year of teaching middle school. Yesterday was quite possibly one of the most impactful days I have ever had.
I tried a new activity called “The Baggage Activity”. I asked the kids what it meant to have baggage and they mostly said it was hurtful stuff you carry around on your shoulders.
I asked them to write down on a piece of paper what was bothering them, what was heavy on their heart, what was hurting them, etc. No names were to be on a paper. They wadded the paper up, and threw it across the room.
They picked up a piece of paper and took turns reading out loud what their classmate wrote. After a student read a paper, I asked who wrote that, and if they cared to share.
I’m here to tell you, I have never been so moved to tears as what these kids opened up and about and shared with the class.
Things like suicide, parents in prison, drugs in their family, being left by their parents, death, cancer, losing pets (one said their gerbil died cause it was fat, we giggled😁) and on and on.
The students couldn't help but get emotional learning what their classmates are dealing with, and it was an exercise in empathy for everyone:
The kids who read the papers would cry because what they were reading was tough. The person who shared (if they chose to tell us it was them) would cry sometimes too. It was an emotionally draining day, but I firmly believe my kids will judge a little less, love a little more, and forgive a little faster.
This bag hangs by my door to remind them that we all have baggage. We will leave it at the door. As they left I told them, they are not alone, they are loved, and we have each other’s back.
I am honored to be their teacher.
She is honored to be their teacher, and her students are lucky to have her.
Ms. Wunderlich Loewe's former students commented on the post to confirm that yes, she is indeed the best.
She was never my teacher but Mrs. Wunderlich Loewe is officially my favorite teacher now, too.
At a show at University of Central Florida, Pete turned on the audience when some of the students, after specific instructions not to, were using their phones.
Now, recording a comedian is undoubtedly disrespectful, especially when they're working on new material or telling jokes that aren't for anyone other than that particular audience to see. College students now don't remember a world without the internet and most of them received phones before they were 13 years old. Telling them to put their phones away for an hour to listen to comedy is apparently a real struggle, but Pete wasn't having it last night.
Granted, this was a pretty unhinged rant. However, Pete has every right to defend the integrity of his performance by demanding students put away their phones. Was this the right way to go about it? Probably not. Is he going to get canceled for calling them r*tarded? We'll see.
A bunch of college kids who left their dorms to see Pete Davidson probably aren't going to empathize with the fact that he's exhausted and had to fly to "the middle of nowhere." This rant sounds more like something a comedian who is about to retire would deliver, yet Pete is only three years older than this audience. Perhaps, this is why it bothered him so much, though, considering he said, "don't you want adults to respect us?" Pete is clearly disappointed in his peers.
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"I can smell autumn dancing in the breeze. The sweet chill of pumpkin, and crisp sunburnt leaves."
-Ann Drake
Anyone who says it's too early to be getting excited about Fall can hit the road. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life. Sure, it's still technically summer, but that doesn't mean you can't get psyched about some pumpkin spice.
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Most people with siblings have called each other "evil" or "psycho" in the heat of a fight, but few can truly claim their siblings are evil incarnate.
Everyone has a capacity for cruelty and hurtful mistakes, but there's a marked difference between a few gaffes and a lifetime pattern of torture and narcissism.
"When I was 10, my mom put a lock on my door because my brother started threatening to kill me and my mom in the night. When I was 14, he fixated on my mom and threatened to burn down our house, shoot my whole family, and steal all the valuables and drive away."
"That same year, (he was 17), he took our car and ran away from home for two weeks. We ended up calling the police on him. When he came home, the police decided that it would be best if he lived somewhere else so he did. As we were cleaning out his room we found hundreds of knives, a hand gun, lighter fluid, gasoline and lighters."
"I was playing with a suitcase while watching TV. I was small enough to fit myself in it. My brother, nearly four and a half years older than me, saw what I was doing and asked to zip me up in it. After already having learned to never trust him, I asked Mom to watch us to make sure he didn't do anything stupid."
"He zipped me up inside the suitcase and started carrying it in a shuffle-step. Thump. Thump. Thump. I heard the sliding door to the enclosed patio open, Mom started screaming and I could hear her slapping my brother repeatedly. The suitcase fell over onto its side with me still in it."
"I managed to pry open the zippers from the inside and got myself out of the suitcase as quickly as possible. Mom was still slapping at my brother, screaming "Why?!"
"I was two feet away from being dumped inside a suitcase into the family hot tub. He laughed and said that I would have floated, what's the big deal? So, yeah, that's what it was like growing up with a sociopath."
"My daughter was hit by a drunk driver when she was 12 and nearly died. She was in a coma for two weeks and I was there all day every day, except to go home to shower and change. My sister decided that when I was at the hospital was the perfect time for her and her druggie girlfriend to jimmy the sliding door off the track, break in and steal everything she could find--jewelry, my camera, and yes, my daughter's piggy bank.
The bitch stole the piggy bank from a comatose kid."
"My sister has never been diagnosed with narcissism or a personality disorder other than OCD, but when we were younger she often enjoyed telling people before I met them that I had a "difficult relationship with the truth" so that they wouldn't want to be around me. I had the reputation of a liar and no friends for most of my preteen years, and she was popular in our homeschool group until she left and got into highschool."
"After she left, I still didn't have friends, but neither did she, and she blamed me for it during her frequent temper tantrums. She would throw things, scream, cry, and threaten me with kitchen knives on a pretty regular basis."
"All of a sudden, the year that I turned 17 and she turned 21, the tantrums stopped and she got engaged. He moved in with us, the tantrums started again, and for once I wasn't the target. The worst fight they had happened when she caught him looking at a photo of a bikini model, which she considered cheating. She hit him full force with an open palm, and when our mum saw, she threatened to kick her out if she hit him again. They got married, moved out, and divorced within a year of him enlisting in the army."
"Brother believes the world is his oyster and that friends and family and loved ones are his to control and exploit. He told a girl they are dating and she should buy him a car and take him out for dinner."
"Brother has also tried to burn down our childhood home thrice because mom didn't give him the things he wanted, we were poor and he knew that but he honestly believes that he gets what he wants because that's how it should be. He also tried to sell my car, he still hounds me for the money he should have gotten if he sold it."
"When she threw a cup of hot tea at my face because I refused to show her something on the computer. Or the time when she yelled at me for over an hour because I was really sick and had thrown up all over the bathroom sink. The same bathroom she had just cleaned.
I stopped speaking with her over 7 years ago."
"They can make drama out of any situation and will try to drag you into it even years later."
"Example: I am the next to youngest. My whole family is a shit show, but when I was planning my wedding, I was still trying to pretend I had a reasonable family. My future husband's family was like Leave it to Beaver. So I asked both of my sisters to be bridesmaids. I knew this was a risk, but I hoped they could keep their shit together for a single evening. At the time, I thought they had."
"About 8 years later, we were in the same city because one of our brothers was in the hospital due to a bad car accident. We had one hotel room across the street from the hospital so people could go rest when they needed to."
"I was in that room with my oldest sister when she said, "You know {middle sister} stole wine glasses from your wedding, right?" I told her I didn't care. A couple of hours later, I was in that room with my middle sister. She said, "You know {older sister} stole glasses from your wedding, right?" I also told her I didn't care."
"So here we are, waiting to see if our brother was going to die and both of these bitches are playing reindeer games with me, trying to make me be angry with the other one. Our brother lived. I've cut contact with all my siblings because they are all like this. They have to start shit no matter what the situation or consequences."
"It’s interesting really. My mom died recently. When I called my sister to come down the day before she died she said “I thought she was going to die today. I’m not disappointed, but I can’t keep missing work.”
"The next day I called her to come to the hospital again as the doctor and I made the decision to take her off the ventilator. On the phone she said “Well, can we pull out the tube as soon as I get there because I have plans tonight.”
"She also proceeded to ask me for rent money that day, as I also live with her. The things they say, and don’t realize how messed up it is is really baffling."
"My brother was diagnosed with NPD at 16. He's never had empathy. Children learn empathy at some point, but it was like he never reached that developmental stage. He was unconcerned when people got hurt. He hit and bullied others in school to get what he wanted. Doctors, therapists, medication... Nothing made a difference, and it's not like there was some kind of trauma or a reason for his behavior. It's like he was just born wrong."
"When he was 10 he started taking and dealing drugs (as a drug runner for some older teens; you can't be prosecuted under 14 in Germany). My parents called our version of CPS for help. He got more therapy, some in-patient stays and his own social worker. He stole my dad's car when he was 12 and got picked up by the cops. He got his first charges at 14: drugs and assault."
"My parents were at their wit's end and agreed to have him placed in a group home for troubled teens for a year. He was kicked out shortly before the year was up. He came home and seemed to recognize in a clinical, detached kind of way, that he couldn't go on like this without ending up in prison. He was about 15. He started being less violent, but he had insane delusions of grandeur and needed everyone to comply with whatever he wanted. If they didn't, he lashed out."
"My parents still made him go to therapy. He assaulted my dad and choked him because he didn't want to. My brother was 16, but also 6'3 and about 190 lbs. My dad died from a sudden aneurysm when he was 16, and he went off the rails completely."
"He got a girl pregnant and she was kicked out by her mom. My mom took her in. The girl was not a bad person, just had some issues, so it wasn't that surprising that she'd date my brother (who could be charming if he situation demanded it). He beat her up at our house a couple months later while she was still pregnant. That was the last straw for my mom: she kicked my brother out. We helped the girl to find an apartment for her and the baby. Unsurprisingly, my mom caved a short while later and let my brother move back in."
"He seemed to think he was the head of the household. My parents never married, so my father's modest possessions went to me and my brother instead of my mom, and that included the car my dad bought a year before he died. It was the first brand new car he ever bought, a small one, but he was proud of it. My brother made my mom sell it so he could get "his" half of the money."
"It wasn't even a fucking expensive one, and my mom was devastated to lose my dead dad's little car. I was 20 then, my brother was 17. He was verbally abusive and basically tortured my mom mentally. He threatened to hit me on a daily basis whenever I didn't do something or give him something he wanted. He also threatened to kill me a couple of times."
"On a particular bad day he told my mom that he'd have no trouble to get a couple guys to run her off the road when she went out. When the threats got stale, he'd beat me up every couple weeks."
"There was one particular instance where I was actually afraid he was going to kill me. He did his usual spiel of using me as a verbal punching bag because he had bad a bad day, and I was just burnt out. Didn't even react anymore. He hit me a couple of times and choked me. No idea how, but I fought him off, grabbed my phone and ran to the bathroom where I locked myself in before he could get to me again. He was trying to beat down the door while I called the cops."
"The cops did nothing. Told me he lived there, so we'd have to get along, and since we both said opposing things, nothing would come of it. I insisted they take my fucking statement."
"My mom wasn't home at the time, but she was a wreck anyway and couldn't deal anymore. A couple days later, my aunt came to visit for a couple of days. My brother was his charming, manipulative self for her. My aunt tried to pressure me into not pressing charges, since apparently I gave myself the dozens of bruises and contusions I had, as my brother had told her."
"I was severely suicidal at that point and gave my mom an ultimatum: me or him. She kicked him out again. He came back a year later, and I moved out for college immediately. I don't blame my mom much anymore, rock and a hard place and all that, but she never could understand the fact that her love for her son was misplaced. He didn't have the things that made someone human. He had no empathy, he was not capable of love, he was just an empty shell that went through life trying to get whatever pleasures he so desired by whatever means necessary."
"I haven't spoken to or seen him in about 7 years, but my mom's still in contact with him. He went to Spain when the mother of his daughter tried to get child support. Sometimes, my mom still talks about the things he's done. A couple examples:"
"For some reason, his ex-girlfriend started letting him see his daughter, and she flies to Spain with my mom once or twice a year. Or used to, anyway. He locked her in the basement with an adult-size portion of food she threw up on because she couldn't eat anymore. She was 4 (hard to remember) or so. She doesn't want to go visit him anymore."
"He withheld rent from his Spanish landlord for like 6 months. The landlord had terminal cancer and my brother saw it as a waste to give money to a dying man. He married a girl in Spain and had another kid, and he now makes a living as a realtor. From what I've heard, he still thinks he's God's gift to mankind. I don't think I'd even go to his funeral if he died."
"My older sister & I used to physically fight and such when my family was here. Then I lived with her and my brother in a duplex for school... I had to clean up everything, if I told her to clean her own stuff up she would yell at me and follow me around if I wanted to get away from her. She had thrown all of my stuff that she could get her hands on outside in the back yard which is the main entrance for the place (my clothes, electronics, glasses, etc, some broken and ripped) all because my boyfriend & I had left for class after she asked me for a ride with us 5 minutes before I had to leave (boyfriend had a car, I didn't)."
"She would constantly monopolize the car my mom left for all of us to share, so I would have to take the bus or ask friends/boyfriend to take me to the grocery store to buy groceries. Throughout our childhood & in our teenage years, she'd tell stories that were pretty convincing, but when talking to someone else involved, nothing like that happened. She knew I liked one of her friends and then proceeded to have sex with him the following week. She'd always get my mom to shell out cash for her, and she'd spend it on drugs."
"The final thing is when she would not leave me alone since she thought that I had her boyfriend's clothes (I didn't) when I was trying to do homework in my room. She wouldn't leave my room, so I had to leave or try to drag her out. My brother tried to help, but he gave up and just played some games in his room. I had gotten her out of my room and locked the door so she wouldn't get in, but she kept pounding the door and screaming at the top of her lungs for hours, it was so stressful."
"She then threatened that she will beat me up and plunge a knife through my chest once she got the door open. Then she acted as if she was the victim when I called my parents and let them hear what she was saying. I got super stressed and wanted her to stop, so I opened the door and quickly punched her in the face, then closed the door again. It was quiet for a minute but then the threats came in again, more pounding on the door."
"Also when my friend came to pick me up since I was at my wits ends, she tried to make my friend think I was the person who started the argument, said that I broke her bracelet (it broke when she kept pounding on the door). I just grabbed important documents, my school stuff, and clothes & left for 1-2 months. My parents were saying that it was my equally my fault for what happened, idk how."
"Funny thing is that she left the place once I came back, and my parents blamed me for it & kept telling me off (they did not do that to my older sister when I was out of the house for months). They told me I broke the family, and that a few years down I will be laughing about the whole incident (haven't laughed about it). I don't talk to my sister, and she has tried speaking to me, but I don't want her in my life anymore (my parents give me shit about it, saying that we should make up and be a family again, but I get panic/anxiety attacks at even the thought of my older sister)."
"I've had constant nightmares for a solid 3-4 months of my older sister coming to my place and just beating me up, making me do drugs with her (she puts a needle in me mainly), stabbing me, chasing me and threatening me. I still get very anxious when I think I see her somewhere (we live in the same city, last I heard she was still going to the same college, I'm not sure now though)."
"My brother was one of those grandiose narcissists. A typical example of his everyday behaviour was the time he purchased a can of and uncommon brand of cola and then bragged for days about it as though he had discovered the cure for cancer or something - all because it wasn't Pepsi or Coke (those were for common people)."
"My mom would hang on his every word. She pretty much lived vicariously through him, and he could do no wrong in her eyes. He could act like a jerk towards me and she would make excuses for him, no matter how awful it was. However, once when he didn't like the birthday gift I have him she acted like I had committed a crime."
"Our parents were really against drugs. However when my brother decided to grow marijuana in our house our mom was enthusiastically supportive of it. However, a few years later when I smoked pot and my parents found out - well suddenly I was the one who "ruined Christmas for the family".
"My brother was living 3000 km away when she became gravely ill. I phoned him and told him he needed to get out here pronto if he wanted to say goodbye. The best he could manage was to come out a week later. She hung on for that week waiting for him to show up."
When I would visit her at the hospital and say "I'm here mom" she would respond with "I want your brother". She instructed the hospital staff to not tell me anything, so when I would ask how she was doing I would get a 'that's private confidential information " type of response.
Meanwhile, my brother would phone the hospital daily and they would tell him everything about her care - from the medications she was on, her bloodwork levels, her treatment options (it was pretty much palliative by that point), and all that. I could not even get a "she slept well last night" from the nurses but he could tell me her blood oxygen levels from 3000 km away. Every day that I talked to him I would ask him if could not come out sooner. But he could never get away from work, even though he was one of the highest ranking people at his job.
"I took care of the house while she was in the hospital. I cleaned up all the diarrhea, did her laundry, took care of the bills....but wasn't a welcome visitor to her bedside. When he finally did show up he visited her for a short while, then said "lets go for lunch" to me. She passed away as soon as we stepped out of the hospital. She hung on just to hear him say hell"
"I haven’t spoke to my brother in 3-4 years. Last time I did he went after my wife and that was the last straw for me. Since then, my parents have cut him off, he lost his job, and his life has spiraled. Not sure what he is up to now but my quality of life has improved with him not in it."
"My little brother is a narcissistic, sociopath and psychopath. I come from a culture where the family bond is incredibly important and no matter how bad your family is always forgive them, protect them.and take care of them. For 25 years we lived through fucking hell because of that piece of shit. It really pained me but I gave up on him years ago. My mother however being a Turkish mom forgave him countless times but he only got worse."
"I mean I knew something was wrong back when we were still kids but I would still always do my best to be the good brother and role model. I would ALWAYS protect him and simultaneously get the blame for all his mistakes."
"My mother was in the hospital giving birth to my oldest sister. We were home alone and he asked me if he could go out and play in front of our house (we have a great park in front of our home and live in a very green area). I gave him permission only for his friend to come back an hour or two later and tell me that my 11 year old piece of shit little bro (I was 13, we might have been a bit younger) was arrested for theft."
"We were a well off family, he was my mom's sweetheart. He never needed money or needed to steal he did it just for attention. Just because he was upset our sister might take his place. I had to pick him.up and I remember crying out of shame while this fucking cunt had a smile from ear to ear. He didn't give a SHIT. Police brought us both home, my parents were back from the hospital with my little sister and the house was filled with friends and acquaintances."
"I remember feeling so much shame and embarrassment profusely apologising to my mom. I felt responsible. As the years past by this became worse and worse and worse and we all basically lived in a constant state of terror and anxiety because of this lousy subhuman piece of shit. I'm too embarrassed to share most other stories and I rather just not think about them anymore..we've finally cut.him out of our life after 25 years."
"Imagine having to hide all your stuff because your house is never safe. Never being able to ask for anything as a teen because if I ask for 5 my little brother has to get 50. Imagine having to worry if you can leave because this little terrorist cunt might threathen your mother and steal her stuff or take her money. For a while he had a really pretty gf (my mom.hoped this would help him "normalize") and he treated her like she was his property. This one time he was yelling and threatening her, dragging her off the stairs."
"I heard the commotion and when I saw it I rushed to them slapped him on the face and put him in a choke hold, told him if I ever heard him behave like that I'd break his legs. This allowed this poor girl to run off and get out of our house with my little brother yelling how he would 'end her'. He later explained to me how he got angry because she "talked back" and wouldn't "lend him money" (at this point he spends 1500 euro a night in clubs) When she finally dumped this piece of shit, he called her dad to tell him."his daughter was a filthy slut" and sent him pictures of her underwear etc."
"He then became incredibly depressed not because he loved her. He always talked about breaking up with her and how she bored him etc. But because SHE WAS HIS PROPERTY and how dares she leave him. "He owned her". He then took my parents new car and smashed it into a wall for attention. Just fast enough that it totaled the car but also slow enough that he came out of the car without a scratch. I mean he had his own car, new BMW that he also got by manipulating my mom. But he didn't use that, he used my parents car. He claimed his car had no gas. I checked it and it was fucking full."
"He then emotionally manipulated my mom about how he was suicidal blaming us for not being more supportive. He used this for months as an excuse for his shitty behavior and intensified daily."
"The only person he actually feared was me so i felt this incredible fucking burden on me to try and keep him in check. I couldn't leave him alone with my mom."
"I couldn't move out because I was worried sick he might kill her one day. I tried to talk with him but no amount of talking etc worked. He made a thousand promises than came up with some.lame excuse about how 19 years ago I once hit him "so this was all my fault". I fucking hit him because he was about to smash this kids face in with a fucking rock. Or how he was once grounded and had to stay in his room for 2 days so he was psychologically scared."
"I mean I beat up at least 50 kids for this piece of shit. He'd always intentionally pick a fight with older bigger kids and use my name to get out of trouble..
Anyway I can go on for fucking ever. And these are literally. Just the tame things i mentioned."
"My little brother was evil incarnate. It took years to finally break all contact. Because esp my mom always hoped he'd get "better" and she even excused his threats and theft (even though he could just ask... he liked stealing our stuff despite the fact that we'd have given it to him if he asked... he'd take money from our pockets, valuables form our rooms, etc. I couldn't go to the bathroom without locking my door) but we finally no longer have contact. It's like this burden is lifted off by shoulders. I no longer have to worry he's threatening, stealing or pressuring my mom. Abusing her trust etc etc. The anxiety, and terror we all felt on a daily fucking basis literally ruined our life."
"He literally made my mother sick. She was the strongest women I knew and this piece of shit destroyed her bit by bit. He ruined over 20 years of my life and I will.never forgive him for what he did. I do no longer consider him my.brother, family or even an acquaintance and in all honestly I won't even go to his fucking funeral and don't want him to come to mine.. fuck him."
"P.s. this is why I believe some people are born evil. This piece of shit had an incredibly loving and supportive family that gave him all the attention he needed or wanted. But it was never enough it was like absolutely no one except he was real. None of us mattered. He treated his friends, girls etc all thr same way. This was made worse with hoe social and manipulative he was..everyone that met him thought he was great and funny until he took their money etc and one day he just switched and threatened them, spread lies about.them etc etc and did absolutely everything to ruin them. He would NEVER, EVER forgive anything and was so stubborn that he would cut his own arm just so he could get back at someone or get his revenge."
"Even though he was always the wrong party he made up this delusional stories in his head that made him the one that was the victim. I mean my mother once refused to give him money because he had stolen 500 euro from her. He was like 15. So he went into her room and when he couldn't find money he took a scissor and cut Up ALL her clothes and shoes Then took all the sauces we had at home and squeezed the mayo, ketchup bbq sauce and anything else you can imagine on the clothes he cut, all over her floors and carpet and her bed. Even years later this piece of shit used that as an example of my mom being a "bad mom" or treating him wrong."
"Saying my little sister got pocket money but she couldn't spare to give him some money. He blamed her and my mom to my fucking frustration for years like an idiot (I love her but this is the one thing I absolutely resent) apologized to him saying she should have just given him the money. When I hot angry about this and explained to my mom she shouldn't ever apologize to him because in his head it legitimizes his behavior. She simply says she doesn't want to cause any drama and problems in the house. She was fucking scared. The problem is the more she did it the worse it got... something she now finally realizes."
"Fuck man I just keep ranting and I can go on for ever.. I'm going to stop now. Literally made myself depressed thinking back. Anyway... fuck him. We're all happier than we've ever been now that we are rid of this piece of shit."
"Growing up, she had total control of my life. She criticized what I wore, listened to, ate, everything. If I was different I was weird, if I liked what she liked then I was copying her. She tried to scare me multiple times with guns and knives, claiming she never would actually hurt me but she would hold up a samurai sword to my throat and tell me if I moved I died."
"Eventually she had at kid when she was 19 and I was 16, and for a year she was a good mother and then decided she didn’t want to be a mom anymore. I’ve seen her ruin countless people’s lives, spanning from just stringing them along to drowning their bank accounts to contributing to them being put in jail for domestic abuse(she’s still waiting for trial on her charge)."
"I despise her and she is not family to me. I had so many issues growing up that only stemmed from things she did to me and I don’t want to see my niece grow up like that. My parents are doing a wonderful job of raising her but she doesn’t understand why mommy isn’t there and it breaks my heart."
"Brother was doted on as a child because he was gifted at basketball. Literally had no consequences growing up and could do whatever he wanted. Treated me and our parents like absolute crap and they still doted on him, while I would get the belt for the most benign and asinine stuff. My brothers life is absolute crap right now, he has no sense of self-worth and just gets hand outs from my parents. He is in his late thirties and my parents are giving him money for rent and food. He wants everyone to feel sorry for him and expects everything to be handed to him."
"He can't do anything on his own and guilt trips and manipulates my parents into doing whatever it is he needs doing for him or just giving him extra funds. He has no incentive to change and is content playing video games all day while my parents just enable his lifestyle. At holidays he just talks down to me and tries to make me feel bad about how 'difficult' his life is. I could care less about him and have no desire to talk to him until he makes some serious changes in his lifestyle and life choices."
If you're a parent, I don't need to tell you how much raising a tiny human can change your entire life overnight. Of course, children are miracles, but raising those miracles is no small feat, and can do a number on your relatively peaceful previous life. There's an entire Instagram account called "GetToddlered" devoted to the way parenting toddlers can transform people's lives—for the better and for the worse, depending how you look at it.
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3.) An advertisement for becoming a father:
vs.
4.) "From dressed to the nines to asleep by nine."
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8.) Dirty Dancing vs. dirty diapers
6.) From getting drinks to providing drinks.
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16.) And cats'.
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22.) "From sex on the beach to dead on her feet!"
23.) From drinking buddies to drinking buddy.
24.) "From little black dress to big white mess"
25.) From elation to suffocation.
26.) Older siblings can get toddlered too!
27.) "From Fat Tuesdays to Ass Wednesdays"
28.) From dinners out to dinners in bed.
29.) "From partying all night to Peppa’s Windy Fall Day."
30.) "From life's a beach to life's a bitch!"
31.) From cocktails to milk tales!
32.) "From raising a glass to raising the dead"
33.) From finding yourselves to finding Nemo.
