Whether it's a whole religious belief system or simply an inefficient way to do laundry, most people have to unlearn some of their parents' habits in adulthood. They can be the most loving and competent people on earth, and there is still bound to be a lesson from childhood you'd rather do without.
This process of unlearning is magnified exponentially for people raised by shady or criminal parents. Children are inclined to believe what adults tell them, so if dad says forging checks or lying to doctors is normal, why argue?!
In a recent Reddit thread, people raised by shady or criminal parents shared the lessons they had to unlearn in adulthood, and many of these would make compelling memoirs.
1. irregularjoe150's dad was Walter White lite.
"I mean, I knew it was illegal, but probably growing all the cannabis when I was a kid. Dad was gonna die of cancer so he wanted to leave us some money. It was like diet Breaking Bad."
2. Yesillhavethesex's parents taught them to counterfeit.
"My Mom and Dad are trained artists and teachers and they would frequently counterfeit things like parking permits, coupons, doctors notes, etc. It was wild."
3. Boney_Jabroni learned how to grow weed as a child.
"My parents grew weed. I helped out in the grow room from age 4. We live in the UK so it's illegal here but its always just been a part of every day life and Ive been around so much of it for so long that I forget it's even illegal."
4. storyofmylife92's dad stole from the cars he towed.
"My dad was a tow truck driver and he would always bring me little presents as a kid that he got out of people's tower cars. As far as I knew if someone knew their car was going to get towed they took everything they wanted out of it and the rest was fair game."
5. KKinDK got questioned by the FBI at age 6.
"My mom was a drug dealer. There are so many things I could list, but I'm on my phone, so just a few things off the top of my head: Smoking pot. When I was about 4, I chased my mom through the Woolworths drug store screaming, mommy mommy you dropped your joint! Don't you want your joint? She hurried faster shushing me and I got a big talking to that afternoon. Snorting coke. I was in the 2nd grade when I got sent to the principals office for teaching my friends how to make 'lines' with salt and use part of a milk straw to snort it. My mom was REALLY pissed."
"Don't talk to cops or any 'straight' people. I didn't know why at first, but I lived in terror of 'straight' people. I got congratulations for making it through FBI questioning when I was probably 6 years old when they raided our land. SWAT teams are scary. Boobs are good for smuggling. Cleaning out stems and seeds is a fun summer job. Don't say anyone's name on the phone. Those are just a few things I immediately recall. Ooh, I forgot to add how every now and then people in our circle of friends would move far away for a while and change names and we weren't EVER allowed to call them by their old names. My mom also made us believe that morphine was an excellent pain reliever for all ages."
6. Barbies309's boyfriend's dad had drug family everywhere.
"My boyfriend always talks about the stories of his dad having friends everywhere. Family would talk about how his now-late father had friends no matter where he went in the city, and how great that was. And no matter where they stopped he would randomly know someone there. Then as an adult he realized that his dad just had drug dealers everywhere and that’s who he was always seeing."
7. Meli55uh's dad copied games and sold them.
"My dad stole a few things in a sneaky way so my brother and I would have one each. In one instance for example, he bought a Gameboy game.. he brought it back to the car, removed the cartridge, and took it back into the store saying the case was empty. He did the same thing with those Pikachu tamagotchi things. I think his biggest steal was a PlayStation 2. He actually did purchase one (my mum went in and picked it up) but when leaving the store, the door person didn’t tear the receipt. Sooo.. my dad took the receipt back in, picked up another PS2, stuck the receipt on it and walked out. The door person tore the receipt this time but obviously didn’t pay attention to the time of sale."
"Dad also ran a huge ‘business’ of installing chips in Playstations so they could play copied games. He would rent games, burn a copy, then sell copies to other people. We had a whole library and catalogue of copied games and dad had quite a few customers. Looking back I see how dodgy it was and why he told me not to tell too many people about it."
8. KP_Wrath thought going to jail was normal.
"My family did a lot of petty, trashy crime (shoplifting, theft, domestic assault, drugs, etc). I thought it was normal for adults to just kinda go to jail every few years for a day or two until I was ten. Now, my stepdad is out of my life, my Mom is too old/ill to do anything particularly bad, and my dad may have helped finance a district attorney's election, which has saved him mountains in legal fees for himself and the hookers he frequents."
9. Mollusc6's dad was in a biker gang.
"My parents would often get me to answer the phone as a young kid, like 4-5 and older. Anyways. They people on the phone always asked if 'Jones Mollusc' was there. My parents would coach me 'No Jones Mollusc lives here, you don't know who that is' . Well as a kid I really didn't have a clue who 'Jones Mollusc was, because dad was always just dad or went by his nickname."
"I didn't find out for years what my dads real name was."
"I guess I helped my parents evade a few debt collectors and god knows what else.
Also, me and my sister used to go play barbies in daddies 'club house' it was our favorite place, dad built it himself in our backyard and they even had a big bar and a pool table and they brought a velvet couch for me and my sister to play on while dad played pool and visited with all my 'uncles'."
"Dad always called it his 'clubhouse too' so when people asked where my dad was I'd say dad was probably in his club house, to which my mom would always get so mad at me and I'd be so confused because that's what dad and everyone else called it but I wasn't supposed to talk about it apparently."
"Yeah, My dad was in a biker gang.
edit: Adding more stories that I've mentioned in response to some of the below comments since people seem to get a kick out of them."
"My dad, when he took us places like the aquarium, or amusement parks used to always try and get us in cheaper. Well one thing about me was that I was always a really oblivious child. this both helped and hurt him (such as the phone calls, I mean I legitimately DIDN'T KNOW who Jones mollusc was for years guys..) but in this case it backfired. So once my dad was trying to get us into a park or something, and he lied about my age to get me in cheaper. Insulted IMMEDIATELY puffed up and said, "DAD i am NOT SIX, I AM SEVEN!!! Cue the brow raise of the attendant and my dad puffing back: YOUR F*KIN SIX! good times."
"I can't remember if we got in cheaper or not. Probably not haha. He was so mad. After he told me 'IF I SAY UR SIX YOUR F*CKIN SIX'. eye roll, dads are weird. I thought."
"My dad hated cops growing up. he used to call them 'f*kin pigs'. he'd always made snide remarks about cops just eating donuts and being generally useless. He'd get stopped alot by them, just general harassment, I guess everyone knew him and his general associates. ANYWAYS one day we stop at a wendys / tim hortons split restaurant. now if you don't know sometimes restaurants share a building together and in this case we were only separated by a short wall to the other side of tims."
"Well were waiting for our burger and me being like 4-5 whatever I'm up on my knees looking over the partition. Well, there on the other side are a table full of cops. I remember feeling shocked and suddenly exclaiming (VERY loudly). 'DAD YOUR RIGHT ALL THEM PIGS DO IS EAT DONUTS!' My mother was mortified and she pulled me down to sit, the cops all looked over I guess and started laughing luckily. My dad thought it was hilarious."
10. taleoftooshitty would use the breathalizer to cover for their parents.
"Blow into breathalyzers so they could drive."
11. Props_angel's dad made her engage in forgery as a teen.
"My dad was investigated by the FBI for racketeering but they were unable to press charges on him (He was also sued by a major financial entity for racketeering as well). Anyways, when I was a teenager, my dad had a lawsuit brought against him by multiple employees for unpaid overtime and he ordered me to go through the boxes upstairs in a warehouse that we had to find all of their time cards. The storage area was a disaster."
"Papers everywhere. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find them so I told my dad that it was no use, the time cards weren't there. My dad then yelled at me, telling me that he needed those time cards and said that all of these people were trying to rip him off so, if I had to, just make up time cards for them so that they were working 40 hours a week with no overtime but don't bother telling him about what I did to get the time cards when I had them."
"I just had to have them for him one way or the other. I didn't think much about the last bit until much later but, long story short, I ended up making time cards that he used for the case. He won. Realized several years later that my dad had used me for forgery and when I confronted him about it, he just laughed and said that I was a minor at the time and nobody puts a minor in jail for a white collar crime."
"I've run into some of those employees since then and, when they accosted me for being his daughter and how they would want to punch my dad (or worse) if it was him they ran into, I've always confessed this to them. Ironically enough, they have all said that they would punch him on my behalf, too, because the fact that he used his own daughter pissed them off even more. And about the racketeering thing? He loved laughing about that and calling himself a "don".
"When I was going to take over the business several years later after the forgery bit, his oldest employees gave me loyalty oaths. I ran like hell. My dad absolutely was a racketeer."
12. runasaur's dad lied by omission.
"My dad was a mechanic. The ones that stick out was when he would charge for a new replacement part and then go to the local junk yard and get the part from there. If the customer asked upfront he would be honest and offer the two options: junkyard part = cheap but likely reliable or new = expensive and only parts warranty. If they didn't ask most of the time it was a junkyard part. Rarely got in trouble or called out since his prices were a fraction of regular shops. Oh, I guess the other main shady part was that he wasn't a "legit" certified mechanic and most business was cash/under the table."
"His "apprentice" is now my mechanic and he learned from my dad's mistakes. He provides receipts, boxes, and shows me where he installed the new part and it's always shiny and new (minus obvious grease handling/installation marks)."
13. Jackielegz8689 was told nothing is off limits.
"I used to be told EVERYTHING was ok as long as you don’t get caught. They kind of said it like a throw away phrase but I really took it to heart. It gave me a real lack of respect for any authority at all and made it seem more like a game then real life consequences. I would do illegal shit just to get the rush of wondering an whether or not I’d be caught. Once I was caught I would just shrug and act like their “winning” didn’t bother me. Kinda like their punishment was just them gloating about me getting caught."
14. waterloograd grew up going to "gem parties."
"A family friend was in the "import/export" business for gemstones. I didn't realize it could be illegal to transport gems across borders. We would have gem parties where a dining table that can sit 12 would be completely covered in bowls of gems and jewellery to buy. Same as Tupperware parties, but for gems."
"Some stones my parents got appraised shocked their jeweler. Super rare colours of different stones that they had never seen before. That friend has gone legit, owns some mines in Africa now."
15. DefenderTamatoa's dad had her help him scam a hospital.
"So this question brings up a very specific memory. My dad never said explicitly that what he was doing was acceptable but he certainly didn't tell me that this was wrong."
"I'm between the ages of 5-7 (unsure about a specific timeline on this) and my mom is often working in the evenings while my dad is sporadically around. One night, while my mom is gone, dad gathers me to go for an adventure. Usually this means driving around the city and looking at stuff."
"Well, dad pulls up to a hospital and parks. He sits with me in the car and gives me a script: saying that we recently moved here (a lie) and that he had hurt his back while moving boxes (mega lie). I play along because hey, it's my dad and sure, whatever he says goes!"
"Any other specifics from that night are hazy. I think he managed to talk his way into some sort of pain killer prescription. This was in the early 00's so opiods weren't as visible as now. My dad has been in successful treatment since then but man that's a big memory that stands out for how screwed up my younger life was."
16. toomanytomatoes learned petty crime early.
"My dad's no serious criminal, but petty in every way, including the crime he commits. I was basically taught to play dumb, act like you belong, and you can do whatever you want. We snuck into VIP lounges, other people's buffets and parties at restaurants an events."
"He once lied to a ticket taker at a movie theater and got mad when they couldn't find the tickets he ordered online. He had not ordered tickets but there was a huge line and he didn't want to wait. We got in for free and cut a huge line. Also cut lines at Disney worlds and other sorts of places."
17. poofer_cat thought drinking in public was legal.
"I never knew we weren’t allowed to drink at the local fair,(mom used to bring beer in a cooler when we went) until I was 21 and a cop stopped me when I was walking around with a beer."
18. ArrozConLechePlease broke their father's cycle of violence.
"Quite a few things.
Back story: my bio dad was convicted of murder, got away with another murder through claiming self defense (no clue if it was truly self defense), and apparently had a 3rd murder that he never got caught for."
"He would steal CONSTANTLY from things from people to things inside stores. One of my earliest memories is wanting this super cute pink hat. I believe I was around 8. He put it on my head and told me to walk to the car. I remember asking about paying and he said don’t worry just walk. So, little me walks to the outside doors with her heart pounding and then the alarm goes off. I freeze and run back to my dad that was still shopping."
"First lesson I can remember I learned? “You just need to keep walking when those alarms go off”
"He died a few years back. My brothers and I are decent people. My brother is a great dad, despite who he had as a dad.
Edit: to answer some of your questions:
No, none of us 5 kids have murdered anyone as far as I know."
"He was an extremely abusive father and husband. I was the only daughter and he sexually, physically, and emotionally abused me from 7-14 years of age. I ended up in foster care at 14. Have 2 great parents who were my first foster family, a loving bio mom who does her best, and even more siblings from my former foster parents.
I have my own struggles, but you’d never know the trauma we went through if you met any of us. Thank you all for the kind words"
19. kushglo has family in the Italian mafia.
"My family has some members in the Italian mafia. Most of them are dead now. As a child nothing really stood out. Just felt like that side of the family was really close. Use to hang out with my uncle alot. I loved hanging out with him because we would visit different shops all around town and he would buy me food, toys etc."
"I remember sometimes seeing money being exchanged between my uncle and the different shopkeepers. The people seemed happy enough to see my uncle, like they were long lost friends."
"It wasn't till years later after his death that my mom told me that he was involved in extortion at the time. Since then I've heard stories about other family members who have passed on and my uncle was probably the tamest out of them all.
Edit - For those asking about how most of them died.. kind of a boring answer."
"Both of my uncles died of cancer, my aunt went full blown crazy (talking to pets and people that weren't there) towards the end she didn't recognize her own family. My other aunt died from falling out of bed and breaking her hip too many times. Grandfather died from cancer. Grandmother died from alcoholism. My mom still hates her for that. My other Grandparents were already dead before I was born."
"I don't think anybody died in prison, but I know a few family members who did go. Mostly white collar crimes. One cousin was locked up on fraud charges, but I found out later that it was really the only thing they could lock him up for. People had a tendency to disappear around him. That cousin died from a car accident many years later.
Nothing really stood out as a kid. Even as an adult, it isn't really noticeable unless you know what you are looking for."
20. ghostingfortacos is the opposite of her sister.
"Ahhhh, my sister. She's 18 years older than me so my mom would occasional leave me with her. Sometimes for the day, a couple times for 5 days."
"Her boyfriend (pimp) coming over, and then strange guys coming and going. I was like "what are they doing in there?".
"Driving to her drug dealers RV in a trailer park. She left me and my niece outside while she fucked him for dope. Again, "what are they doing in there?"
"Waking up to all kinds of weird people in the dining room doing drugs out in the open at 8 am.
Driving severely impaired with 2 kids in the car."
"She would sleep all day. My niece and I would wake up (she was 5, I was 12), and there would be almost no food in the house so I had to scrounge. I'm talking potted meat on moldy bread. Baked beans for breakfast."
"It was some of the most fucked up times. I fucking hate that woman to this day. Don't even bother giving me the "oh shes an addict, poor her, be kinder to her." No. She also let both of her her ex husbands touch my niece. She was so negligent I'm shocked that we didn't have worse shit happen."
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