Quantcast
Channel: someecards.com
Viewing all 38991 articles
Browse latest View live

33 humorous tweets about Nancy Pelosi's serious announcement that Trump will be impeached.

$
0
0

Today is a day that many of us have scream-prayed for over the past couple years while scrolling through an endless abyss of Trump tweets and news stories. Many of us thought this day would come come following Mueller's testimony; others thought the series of sexual assault allegations against Trump would tip the scale. And still, we waited.

Well, it looks like the news of Trump pressuring the Ukrainian government to dig up dirt on Joe Biden ahead of the 2020 election has toppled the camel's back. So, today, at 5pm, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi officially announced the beginning of impeachment proceedings.

Impeachment itself is a complicated process that involves several stages (and starting the inquiry doesn't mean the president will be booted), but tweeting is fun and provides us with instant catharsis.

So, I have gathered 31 funny and relatably excited tweets about the impeachment announcement.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

19.

20.

21.

22.

23.

24.

25.

26.

27.

28.

29.

30.

31.

32.

33.


26 Memes To Help Start Your Day Off With A Laugh.

$
0
0

"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference."

-Winston Churchill

These utterly random and hilarious memes will get your day started off on a positive note. Keep scrolling, but be warned, this list may make you laugh, chuckle, giggle, lol, smirk, or maybe even snort.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

19.

20.

21.

22.

23.

24.

25.

26.

People are tweeting jokes about Trump's 2014 tweet that Obama should be impeached for 'incompetence.'

$
0
0

By now, you are more than likely familiar with the internet proverb: there is an old Trump tweet for everything.

Whether it's an old Yankees tweet insulting Obama (what a word salad), a reference to his beef with Rosie O'Donnell, or a creepily relevant political cartoon from five years ago, past Trump was something of a prophet. And for the most part, his 140 character prophesies expose his own hypocrisy.

Each time it seems the well of old Trump tweets may have run dry, another relevant one resurfaces from the archives.

This morning, people on Twitter are marveling (and eye-rolling) at an old Trump tweet that perfectly prophesies his own impeachment inquiry.

The 2014 tweet was obviously written as a dig at Obama, but sums up how many of us feel about Trump as president.

Naturally, the old Trump tweet has been flooded with fresh mentions after Nancy Pelosi announced the launch of a formal impeachment inquiry on Tuesday afternoon.

In the year 2019, there is an old Trump tweet for everything and a Lizzo lyric for every Trump tweet.

While his old tweet is making the rounds, Trump is not handling the news of his impeachment inquiry very well.

His series of predictably unhinged tweets started with an all caps banger, and have progressed into a series of posts lamenting the "witch hunt" being carried out.

In true keeping with his brand, Trump made claims that no president has been treated as badly as him.

He also went on to claim his call with the Ukrainian President (the conversation that inspired the impeachment inquiry), was "a perfect call."

Technically, Trump's call with the Ukrainian President was "a perfect call" when it came to giving the final kick in the pants needed to launch an impeachment inquiry.

Guy claims that people treating Greta Thunberg like an adult can't object to Jeffrey Epstein's pedophilia.

$
0
0

We live in a golden age of terrible takes, but this is the absolute worst take. A libertarian podcaster is getting ratio'ed and shamed for his thesis that people who support Greta Thunberg's environmental activism then should be on board with child rape.

My fingers hurt from typing that, but don't shoot the paraphraser!

You might recall that Jeffrey Epstein is the recently deceased convicted pedophile and sex trafficker whose friends include Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, and now Satan.

Over 8,000 people have taken to the comments to say "what the absolute f**k is wrong with you, dude."

Seriously, what is wrong with you?

Murphy, like many libertarian trolls before him, is grateful for the attention and posted a smug video.

"I'd like to thank you all for appreciating my content, there's lots more than that came from," he laughed, wearing a shirt with an American eagle. He went on to boast that since going viral for being a pedophile apologist, he sold a whopping $30 worth of books. Good job, guy!

"If you're old enough to have an opinion, then you're old enough to f*ck" is a great platform on which to launch your career. Congrats on the future contract with Fox News!

People share the weird situations they've been in that everyone around them treated as normal.

$
0
0

Group-think is a funny phenomenon because it can make people go completely crazy over nothing. But it can also make people react to crazy situations as if they were completely normal. Someone recently asked Reddit: "What was the last situation where some weird stuff went down and everyone acted like it was normal, and you weren’t sure if you were crazy or everyone around you was crazy?"

Here are 14 stories about people underreacting to weird, wild and shocking situations, causing these people to wonder if they had lost their minds, or if everyone around them had lost theirs:

1.) From kitskill:

We have a local superhero in our town. Polarman.

Goes around dressed in full costume all the time and helps out people around town. Really nice guy. I think he's on disability or something so he can't work but he still wants to make the world a better place.

The best part is new people seeing him for the first time and everybody else just being like "oh that's just Polarman"

2.) From RevFernie:

Out at a restaurant with my wife and her family.

My mother in law starts choking on her food. No one does anything. So I go to help. Did basic first aid years ago.

5 hits to centre of back. Nothing. She is now foaming at the mouth.

Go to try Heimlich maneuver, on third thrust this huge lump of lamb comes up and lands in her plate.

Her husband, son and other daughter look at me, say nothing and carry on eating their food.

I sit down look at my wife and feel like I am in alternative reality. Did that just happen? Was it really that inconsequential?

To this day only my wife acknowledges what happened and that I saved her mum's life in the middle of a busy restaurant.

I twitch when I think about it still years later.

3.) From clem_fandango__:

I was working in the the United Arab Emirates. One night, I walking on a busy boardwalk with a lot of people from all over the world. This south Asian guy was standing by a lamppost, not really doing anything, when an SUV pulled up and four Emirati Arabs got out, grabbed the guy and threw him into the back and then drove off.

They didn't yell, didn't show any police badges, the guy barely fought back. Nobody said or did anything, even though the street was crowded full of people.

4.) From OMGSpaghettiisawesom:

There was a gas leak in the building where my first morning college class was held. The class still met. There was still a strong gas smell, so I questioned the safety of the situation. The teacher mocked me for being concerned and sarcastically said that he wouldn't take attendance if anyone wanted to leave. I was the only one who did. I had to text my husband to confirm that I was being reasonable.

5.) From mydadlivesinfrance:

There's a guy who rides a motorized bicycle through my neighborhood dressed like a circus ringmaster. It has been going on for 6 weeks now.

Not a motorcycle or a moped, a bicycle with pedals with a 2-stroke engine attached. Goes around 29 mph? It is loud. I can hear him coming for a few minutes, so at least 2 miles of sound carry.

Black tailcoat. Top hat. Puffy white shirt. Scarlet vest. Maroon and gold vertically striped slacks. One time I saw him check the time on a gold pocket watch. Another he puffed on a corn cob pipe.

Every morning at 7:15 he is headed north, every night at 9:45 south. 7 days a week.

I think, "where is he going dressed like that with such punctuality?" "Surely nowhere around here would allow him to dress like that, and he has no backpack, pannier, or other means of transporting a wardrobe change." "He must work 3rd shift, south of town from 10-7, that's 8 hours and an hour lunch." "But 7 days a week?"

I tried following him at night, because I assumed he was heading to work, and following him home would have been creepier than the already super creepy following to work. I had to do it in a car because like I said, he can book it on that motorized bike. I lost him in 2 turns. He runs stop signs, I don't.

The next night i was waiting in my car ready to go. I had 'The more you ignore me the closer I get' by Morrissey cued up. He was late. Super late. Rounding 10PM now. Then I see his flashy white headlight. He must have ran out of gas; he is pedalling, but I was so amped i tried anyways. He was moving at around 6 or 7 mph. I couldn't stay behind him, but I know my every route in, out, and through my neighborhood, I've lived here for 21 years and run 3x a week, so I'm like an atlas of this block. I lost him at around 5 turns. To be fair he saw me about 8 times, he may have gotten scared I was stalking him, probably because I was.

But last night, oh last night, I followed him the whole time. He was back to motor power, and ran every stop sign and red light on the way. I was catching up to him slowly at 30, so that's why i assume he is going 29. He can't lose me now. I have his scent. This is it. I will finally know. After 6 weeks closure.

Anyways he works at f*cking Walmart.

6.) From Assmerelda:

I was a cashier at a supermarket, thank any and every god that I'm no longer there. It was in an uppity kind of town near where I live, so it was normal for people to be incredibly rude and self centered there. However one super busy afternoon, this totally F*CKED up dude was in my line. He started talking out loud about how he smashed someone's head into the concrete and left him there to bleed out. When it was his turn, he didn't have enough money to pay for his $2 and some change soda, emptied his pockets of pills, LSD tabs, a 40, but no money. He accepted that he wouldn't buy the soda, but continued to stand there and ask where I lived, did I have a boyfriend (yes), "oh your boyfriend wouldn't mind if I f*cked you. I'll shoot him if he did". Continued on with increasingly rapey and vulgar comments, the entire time I was hitting the "call manager" button on my screen, must've hit it 25 times and I could see him just standing there talking to a coworker. There were 2 grown men in line behind him who didn't say a WORD. I was saved by a cash-room employee who came for a money pick-up. The guy left, and got arrested in the parking lot because a shopper reported him. He told me he was going to wait for me to be done my shift and find me out there, had he not have been arrested. Nobody ever said a word to me about what had just happened.

Edit: Many of you are saying you would never step in, I completely understand that. By saying the next two men in line didn't say anything, I also meant after the situation. When it was their turn, neither of them even looked at me, let alone say a single word other than "Thanks" at the end of their transaction. Management, after reporting what happened to HR, never contacted me again about what happened. These things were equally upsetting to me as having to try to get this guy to leave on my own.

Also, the man was arrested because a shopper called the cops on him while they were shopping in the aisles, maybe about 15 minutes before he arrived to my checkout line. I believe he was arrested for disorderly conduct due to being intoxicated and being a public disturbance.

Thanks everyone for your insights and takes on the situation

7.) From Moots_point:

A few years back I liked a girl and she invited me to her youth group. Everything was going fine, until the pastor said "Alter call" and then everyone walked up to the front and started rolling around. I really wish I was making this up, there were even people holding down other people as they were shaking/rolling. Afterwards we all went to Pizza Hut and acted as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

8.) From claudiyeah18:

I was having dinner with my parents, my sister and her husband. Somehow the topic of abuse came up and my parents said how they never resorted to physical abuse in their marriage and my BIL turned to my sister and said, “I mean I’ve only hit you a couple of times but only when it was serious.” My sisters face turned red, she defended why it happened then laughed it off. Meanwhile I’m absolutely shocked and disgusted by this and my parents joined them and laughed along as well and says “it happens.” I was more shocked that my parents didn’t react properly and to this day I’ll never understand it.

9.) From Yeahitsmeimsorry:

One of my coworkers(bob) will regularly pull a knife on another coworker (John). John teases bob and plays it off as a joke when bob takes the knife out.... this happens so regularly that it’s just accepted as normal... it’s starting to feel normal for me too...

10.) From tah4349:

I was at a gas station pumping gas. There's a cop car and a second car pulled right by the road in the parking lot of the gas station. Cop car has the lights on, I see the cop and some guy standing there. I just pump my gas. All of a sudden, gunshots ring out. Nobody moves. I look around, and everybody is just pumping gas like nothing's happened. Finally see some guy walking toward the station looking equally confused. I said "you heard shots, right?" He was like "yeah....definitely gunshots...."

Turns out it really was no big deal. A deer had been hit on the road and the officer was ending its suffering. But nobody in the parking lot really knew that, we all came up on the situation after it was in process and we couldn't see anything that had happened based on the angle. Just weird all around.

11.) From Redditabower:

I showed an acquaintance a video of an old friend that moved away a few years ago. That friend had a very distinctive laugh. The acquaintance I showed it too proceeded to laugh like him the rest of the night like he had been laughing that way his whole life. He kept it up for months. He stole someone's laugh. It still gives me the willies.

12.) From somemetausername:

Had a guy who used to work where I do we’ll call him Jeff. He was a level above me on the org chart, but still below the CEO. They started to work on a project and announced to the staff, the board and shareholders - but things didn’t make sense. A few other employees saw what I was seeing and started to ask questions about how money was going to be handled how other resources were going to be allocated and what the long term plans where - we were all sidelined and told we were being negative. Jeff treated me and my other co-workers as if he was a genius and we were all his minions even though we were in different departments.

Long story short - launch day for this new project came and the numbers weren’t there, but Jeff was still blaming the rest of the organization. Things fell apart fast and we lost hundreds of thousands of dollars and hundreds of customers. Jeff runs his own company now and just announced a new project to his shareholders...

When the Fyre festival documentaries came out I texted a friend of mine who worked at that company at the time all of this was going down. I told him to watch them both and tell me who Billy McFarland reminds him of. 20 minutes later I get a text “OMG...It’s Jeff.”

The whole time Jeff was doing his thing everyone acted like Jeff was a genius. He could raise money, motivate a crowd, and believed he could talk his way into and out of anything. It was amazing how similar he is to Billy McFarland, the only difference is Jeff hasn’t been caught doing anything illegal yet.

13.) From StoolToad9:

I do standup comedy as a hobby. I went to a packed open mic at this bar, like 50 people. This large woman was eventually called up. She proceeds to take her clothes off and she's naked screaming "I GOT A DATE WITH A BLACK GUY, HE'S GONNA F*CK MEEEEE" over and over.

No one gave a reaction. Most just stared all bored or looked at their phones. I'm like, "Uh, hello? Is anyone else seeing this?!" It felt like a Twilight Zone episode.

Turns out she's been there many times before and people know she's mentally ill, but they feel bad so they let her do her 2 minutes while they stick their heads in the sand. They all reacted like me at first. She still goes to open mics there, but keeps her clothes on. She's still insane.

14.) From juggerd22:

i was walking to school and approaching a crossroad. i was 20 meters from the crossroad and a very short fat person in a yellow robe with a pointy hat walked over the road and nobody looked. just me switching between staring at the fat wizard, the other people on the sidewalks and softly saying "what the hell". now i dont know if there is a kkk branch in the netherlands or if it is a part of a religion or just a role player but that caught me of guard.

24 Memes Men Probably Won't Find Funny.

$
0
0

You don't have to be a lady to laugh at these memes, but it sure worked for me. This meme list is absurdly funny and highly relatable for any woman who's just trying to get through life. Sometimes you just need a laugh.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

19.

20.

21.

22.

23.

24.

26 questions a third grade class had for God. 'Did you mean giraffe to look like that?'

$
0
0

Letters from children to Santa are often brimming with curiosity about what it's like at the North Pole, how he gets around the world in one night, and whether they were good enough to receive the latest upgrade of their favorite game.

But letters from children to God involve a whole different level of imagination and emotional involvement. Whether a child is raised in a religious home or not, the idea of an all knowing God is enough to spur endless questions fom an inquisitive kid.

When a 3rd grade teacher asked her class to write letters to God, the results were deeply relatable and hilarious.

A teacher asked her class of Grade 3 learners to each write letters to God... this is mind blowing and super funny🙈🙆🏾‍♂️🤣

Posted by Zali Ngxabi on Wednesday, December 12, 2018

1. Marnie needs the details on what's appropriate to wear for Halloween.

2. Robert wants to see God's birth certificate.

3. The ultimate question was asked: can we get some more animals?

4. Being born sounds fake.

5. Larry already knows the roommate struggle.

6. Does God support open borders?

7. But really though, why do we have to die?!

8. One truther is out here accusing Thomas Edison of plagiarism.

9. Young Tom wants to know how it all began.

10. It's chill to "fix" your siblings, right?!

11. Raphael is ready to strike a deal with God.

12. Norma had some shady words for giraffes.

13. God received a lot of good feedback.

14. How old is God, really?1

15. Ginny thinks it's about time God added some new holidays to the roster.

16. The kids are hitting their existentialism phase early these days.

17. Does God know about the hot new inventions while they're under embargo?

18. Are we all being tricked?!

19. Jane is shaking it up by calling out God's selfishness.

20. Nan might have the most relatable take on family.

21. Puppies > Siblings

22. Danny is ready for a roast battle.

23. Donny needs answers about the Reverend.

24. The inventiveness of staplers got a passionate shout out.

25. Jeff is a dedicated star gazer.

26. Neil was ready to narc on some PDA.

Honestly, these kids' letters further prove the fact that children aren't afraid to ask the imporant questions. If any of them receive answers from God, I want the details ASAP.

Husband asks if he's wrong for refusing wife's demand to give future kid her last name instead of his.

$
0
0

One aspect of the patriarchy that refuses to die is the tradition of men passing on their last names to their future kids. My mom wouldn't stand for this, so she and my dad worked out a deal that if I was a girl, I would get her last name, and if I was a boy, I would get my dad's. Lo and behold, I have my mom's last name. But not everyone is as capable of handling this tricky situation with that level of maturity (good job, Mom and Dad!).

A man shared his story on Reddit about his wife who is insisting that their future child take her last name. This seems fair enough, until you hear his side of the story.

He explains that his wife's last name is common, and is already being passed on through her nieces and nephews. But he has no living siblings (his sister passed away), and no nieces or nephews. So unless his last name is passed down to his kid, the name will not be carried on to future generations.

He writes:

My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and have recently decided to start having a kid. We decided we only want one child a long time ago. My wife, Eve, wants to give our child her last name. I don't want this.

You see her last name is really common, think something like Smith or Brown. Meanwhile my last name is unique. It's not strange by any means it's just unique. Eve has 2 different brothers with kids and all of them have her last name. Meanwhile I have no siblings aside from my late sister who died 10 years ago to cancer. I have no family that has my last name aside from my parents. Ever since I was 19 (currently 29) I've wanted to make sure my last name carries on with my future kids. I don't want my last name to die with me.

"I don't want my last name to die with me" seems like a pretty legitimate argument, but his wife doesn't see it that way and is "not budging." He even suggested hyphenating their names, but she refused.


I've told Eve this and she wants to give our child her last name. She wants to carry on the tradition in her family, meanwhile I have none. I told her I want my kid to have my last name, and she refuses to listen to me. She wants to make sure our kid has only her last name. I asked about doing a middle name or hyphenate our last names and she refuses. She also has a specific middle name that she's not budging on.

She is also apparently refusing to back down on a specific middle name that she's chosen. But he's refusing to back down either, saying "this is a hill I'm willing to die on."

I refuse to let my family name die with me. I want to make sure it's carried on in some way. She also kept her last name once we got married because she didn't want to change, which is fine. But where I draw the line is giving our kid my last name.

I'm fine with hyphenating it or even giving him/her it as a middle name but she refuses to listen to me. This is a hill I'm willing to die on. I don't want to back down on this because it means so much to me.

Naturally, he turned to strangers on the internet for help, asking Reddit: "Am I being an asshole here for not backing down?"

If you're thinking "wow this woman seems like an a**hole" and "this marriage is clearly doomed," congrats, Reddit commenters agree!!!!!

ManateeJamboree writes that he's NTA (Not The A**hole):

NTA

When I read the title I first thought you’d be the asshole for saying “refusing” but after reading it sounds like your wife is being really one-sided and unfair. Relationships are about compromise. I hope you guys work this out because both of your feelings and ideas count. Always.

KylexLumien and others are urging him to put the baby plans on hold until they work out this fairly important issue:

NTA

She's being extremely monopolizing regarding the kid's name(s), to a very selfish degree.

You may wanna put a damper on the baby plans until this issue is resolved. It could end up causing a lot of resentment between the two of you, if you end up having a child and fight about this for the entire pregnancy.

If this is truly your hill to die on, then you need to make that clear and either come to an understanding or reconsider whether you're really all that compatible, never mind ready for a kid together.

EverydayEverynight01 and others are pointing out that hyphenating would be a "perfectly reasonable" compromise:

NTA

It is your kid too and you have a leg in their name.

"I'm fine with hyphenating it or even giving him/her it as a middle name but she refuses to listen to me. This is a hill I'm willing to die on. I don't want to back down on this because it means so much to me."

That was perfectly reasonable and lots of people with this issue hyphenate or add the 2nd last name as their middle name. My mom and her little sister did the latter between their parents.

And lolak1445 agrees, writing:

NTA- the fact that you’re willing to compromise with a double barrel last name is perfectly reasonable. You both want to keep your names which is pretty cool. You both are planning on creating this child and being the child’s parents so it only makes sense you’d both want to pass on your family names and I think that hyphenating the last names to honor both family names sounds like a great idea! I’m not really sure why she’d be so against it because it’s a great compromise.

freefalllin224 says "divorce her," JK JK JK:

NTA. Divorce her. Kidding, but remind her marriage is about compromise. She gets the middle name if you get the last name.

IDK, divorcing her might actually be the move her. What do you think?


People respond to Dad's post criticizing parents who hand out "cheap candy" on Halloween.

$
0
0

If you grew up trick or treating, ou already know there are good and bad candy houses. The good candy houses are stocked up on full-size, sometimes king-size candy bars, they have Reeses and Kit Kats and all the hits, and let kids scoop up huge bundles at a time only to later terrorize their parents.

The bad candy houses often don't even hand out candy. There's usually some browned apple slices, a paper full of Religious propaganda, or worse yet, a box of raisins. The arbitrary lines drawn between the good and bad candy houses are defined by children's preferences, and of course, trick or treating limits (more candy is always better).

While children are quick to delineate good and bad trick or treating houses, parents usually don't have opinions beyond ensuring everyone's safe. Unless, of course, they are a deeply concerned dad who fears their child will be subjected to poor person candy.

Screenshots of a dad's Facebook post were recently uploaded to the Choosing Beggars subreddit, after he expressed great distress about his son's trick or treat haul getting "diluted with cheap candy."

"Halloween is officially 6 weeks away, and I was hoping to catch you all before you make your candy selections. Over the last three Halloweens, I've noticed my son's candy stock has become more and more diluted with cheap candy. I don't know if this trend is the result of the referendum high water bills, or even the construction, but cheap candy has somehow infiltrated our community for Halloween and it has to stop."

The post kicked off with a glaring indictment of the infiltration of cheap candy, something this dad simply could not abide by.

He then laid out the unacceptable candies, and which corresponding poor neighborhoods they were meant for, before reminding his neighbors that they were far too affluent for such swine.

"Dum Dums, Smarties, and Jolly Ranchers may be suitable Northlake, Villa Park, and Addison, but not here in Elmhurst. We are an affluent neighborhood and this status should be reflected in our candy provisions for Halloween. Standard size candy is the bar (pun intended) we set for our community on Halloween. If you purchased the fun size, you don't need to return them. Just keep in mind that 3-4 of those fun size bars equate to a standard size bar when you doll out that candy to trick or treaters."

After laying out which candies are unsuitable for the rich, the dad went on to shout out cheap elderly people for handing out pennies.

Honestly though, who among us hasn't been disappointed by a penny on Halloween?!

"For the elderly who hand out coins, unless you plan on throwing some quarters into the mix, stop peddling your pennies and step up your game this Halloween. It's a calculated loss to the trick or treaters after you adjust for inflation and the opportunity cost of what they could have received elsewhere if they had just skipped your house."

After busting the chops of the elderly, he came for the dark chocolate.

No one is safe in this Halloween take-down.

"And while we're setting the guidelines for acceptable candy this season, let's also keep dark chocolate out of circulation. These might make a great cheat treat for when certain individuals have their mensies but no child enjoys dark chocolate, so stop slinging it."

He ended his post by sharing that he planned to partner up with other parents to ensure the candy was top tier.

"For those who do not want to take my advice, let it be known that this year, there are several of us parents patrolling and monitoring the candy distribution of houses in our neighborhood. We will be carrying around small cans of spray paint and marking the sidewalks in front of your house with a red dot in hopes of preventing others from experiencing the same ill fate and time wasted. We will also be noting your address and creating/selling a color-coded map for the 2020 Halloween season (app projected to launch for the 2021 season). Once you're marked and listed on the map, you might as well turn off the lights and stop celebrating Halloween!"

The post ended with a threat, and the satire level of absurdity inspired a Reddit discussion about whether it a pure troll move, or a real post.

White_Wolf_Dreamer has a theory about the dad.

"I honestly think this is one of those parents that sorts through their kid's candy, pretends part of it is 'unsafe' and needs to be thrown away, but actually keeps the 'bad' candy for themselves."

rinnerchickendinner hails from the featured suburb.

"It's a nice town and not as rich as some surrounding neighborhoods, but some of the most entitled people live there. I'm from there and can confirm they're a bunch of pricks. Our f*cking gym teacher is paid six figures."

justpickadamnname confirmed the post was satire all along, and the guy who wrote it regularly trolls his neighbors.

"Ffs, guys, this is satire. I am part of this facebook group. This guy makes posts like this at least once a week. He writes for the city's satirical newspaper."

seano58 confirmed that this guy constantly trolls his neighbors, because many of them are like this.

"I live in chicago and apparently this guy just posts in the elmhurst group to get all the yuppies up in arms. Bc they are a bunch of entitled assholes who think they are better than everyone else."

In the end, it's not about whether the candy cop dad was real or not, it's about the Dum Dums we ate along the way.

24 Workplace Memes Everyone Should Laugh At By 5pm.

$
0
0

Those of us who weren't born with a trust fund know the struggle of going to work every day. Let these awesome workplace memes help ease the pain of a 9-5.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

19.

20.

21.

22.

23.

24.

Frankie Muniz posted a thirsty tweet inviting Lizzo to make him her purse.

$
0
0

There's a lot going on in the world, between Trump, the impeachment inquiry, and the impeachment inquiry into Trump. In these chaotic times, in which the truth seems to be a novelty in an overwhelming sea of lies, we must thank the brave truthtellers whose honesty cuts through the noise and reminds us what it means to be human.

Today, we are grateful for former Malcolm in the Middle star Frankie Muniz, who shared on Twitter earlier this morning that he is profoundly horny for Lizzo, and he's not afraid to be kinky about it.

The tweet went viral, and has become an instant classic in the genre of Horny Celebrity Tweets.

People immediately started making jokes.

Congratulations to Malcolm on being in the middle of the zeitgeist again!

Pregnant woman responds after people mocked her online for revealing baby's gender with a live hippo.

$
0
0

The internet can be great and the internet can be cruel. And very often, it can be both. This was the case recently when everyone made fun of a viral video of a gender reveal involving a live hippo. It's great because a hippo gender reveal is hilarious. And it's cruel because this couple's happy moment became the target of a joke that thousands, if not millions of people, including me, laughed it.

Gender reveals are an easy thing to make fun of. There's just something so silly about "celebrating" a child's genitals before it's even born, as if there gender, whether male or female, is some kind of huge accomplishment. And to make things more laughable, people go to extreme lengths to have the most "creative" gender reveal possible, which can lead to all kinds of ridiculous mishaps.

The internet lives for this sh*t.

So when filmmaker Ana Bréton found a video of a couple revealing their child's gender (a boy omg, they won!!!!!!!!!!) by having a hippo chomp down on a watermelon full of blue dye, people went nuts for it.

"I did it. I found the worst gender reveal," wrote Bretón along with the video, which has been shared over 36 thousand times.

People seemed to agree with Bretón's thesis that this might be the worst gender reveal ever.

Comedian Whitney Cummings made her feelings clear.

People hated the response of the dad, who is seen saying "thank god!" when it's revealed he's having a boy.

They also hated that the couple fed such huge quantities of food coloring to a hippo.

Writer Molly Jong-Fast sums up my feelings perfectly:

This woman's theory on gender reveals holds up:

It's pretty easy to pile on this couple for being sexist while potentially endangering an animal.

But then the woman in the video, Bridgette, reached out to Bretón, who shared her backstory on Twitter. Bretón explains that she did not intend to "bring darkness to their special day."

In her message, the mom-to-be explains that she got pregnant with the help of fertility treatments. And that she and her husband were hoping for a son because they already have a daughter and "would've kept trying" for a son, which would've been "expensive."

She wrote:

This was one of the happiest days of our lives. With the help of the zoo and the amazing Tank the hippo, we learned that we are having a baby boy. It took some time and some extra money in fertility treatments, but we finally got pregnant! We would have been over the moon just the same to have another girl, but would have had kept trying for a boy, and it could have got very expensive. I want to experience the mother-son relationship so badly. I am filled with joy to learn that we got our baby boy! Can't wait to meet him.

She added that the hippo is fine and was fed "organic Jell-O" which was "safe for him to consume."

Also, for anyone who is concerned about the hippo and his well-being, he has been hand raised by his amazing owner who assisted us in feeding him only food that is safe for him to consume...organic Jell-O inside a watermelon...and yes, Tank was more than happy to have the treat. He walked right to us and opened his mouth.

Ok fiiiiiine, this isn't the WORST gender reveal. Especially because these 17 people take the cake for that. Can we all just agree, hippo gender reveals aside, that humans are the weirdest species of animal on the planet?!

23 Memes That Will Only Be Funny If You're Single.

$
0
0

"I like being single, I'm always there when I need me."

-Art Leo

If you're single right now, congratulations. You don't have to deal with anyone's drama. You're free to do whatever and whoever you want. Single people, hell yeah, these memes are for you.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

19.

20.

21.

22.

23.

26 Memes To Help You Start Your Day Off With A Laugh.

$
0
0

“Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.”

– Abraham Lincoln

Good morning, party people. Let's start this day off with a bang by laughing at these utterly random and hilarious memes.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

19.

20.

21.

22.

23.

24.

25.

26.

15 Disney theme park guests and employees share times the staff had to break character.

$
0
0

Being a face character in Disneyworld is a hardcore psychological experiment.

Disney actors deal witness family drama, temper tantrums, and adorable moments of childhood magic all while wearing wigs and gloves in sticky, humid Florida heat. Under no circumstance are Disney employees ever allowed to break character or ruin an ounce of the image the park works tirelessly to sustain. If you're cast as Cinderella, you're not allowed to say you're Cinderella and instead you refer to yourself as a "friend of" Cinderella. And then of course, there's the tunnel underworld that sounds like an extreme sport...

When a recent Reddit user asked, "Disney theme park characters - have there been situations where you had to break character? What was the reason? Consequences?" Disney guests and former employees were ready to share their tales from the "happiest place on Earth's" trenches.

1. Amazing, "Goyteamsix."

I watched Jack Sparrow talking to a kid when the kid started puking everywhere. He said "too much of the ol' apple juice eh? been there myself! even ran out once!". All the while, the kid is just projectile vomiting everywhere.

2. Disney magic! "leftside72."

I was at Disneyland once and the Sheriff of Nottingham was fake-menacing a child. He reached out to touch the kid’s balloon and for some reason it popped. The character actor was clearly stunned. A new balloon appeared less than 30 seconds later.

3. This is chaos, "sbankss."

I have a close friend who was Woody for a while at Disneyland. He said that one time the a float caught on fire during a show and they had to play it off completely in character. They danced around it and had to quickly get it backstage to deal with the problem. He said they played it off well enough that no one seemed to notice/there wasn’t any panic.

He said he had never seen an instance of anyone breaking character because everyone was very well trained and there’s always at least 6 or so cameras that can see you at all times.

I also one time offered an unopened water bottle to an employee when it was near 100 degrees and he said if anyone at Disney saw that, he would be fired. They can’t take anything from guests. He also mentioned the cameras constantly watching both crew and patrons.

EDIT: I texted my friend to confirm and he has given me another story to share.

One time an acrobat fell off a float, face planted into the ground and knocked herself out. They had to surround her in a circle and dance in sync as they dragged her body away. They played it off well and apparently no one noticed.

4. Bears gotta swear too sometimes, "Joker0091."

I wasn't a character but was a cast member. I was walking from backstage into the park. If you've seen the transitions, they are S shaped to keep people from peaking in.

I was pushing a dolly/hand cart. The ones we used had 2 long supports sticking out from the end. As I was going though Winnie the Pooh was walking in from the other side. I hit him/her square in the leg with it. Hearing Winnie the Pooh say "Fuck!" was a pretty damn funny.

5. Disney stalkers! "krizh4zaken."

I wasn’t a character but worked closely with them, as a photographer. Disney performers are trained to never break character for whatever reason. They have ways of signaling their character attendant that they are in distress, and it’s generally up to the character attendant to avoid any weird or uncomfortable situations. As far as weird situations, they do get people that “stalk” them in the park. Like some people get in those lines multiple times to get a photo with a specific performer. The weird side of Disney fanatics are something else.

6. Ha, "not very magical," "GKaplan."

I wouldn’t say break but I was a lifeguard and I had to ban this kid from going down the water slide. Every single time I told him he had to be feet first and everytime he said ok. But he kept going head first and it got to the point where the other kids saw him and were copying him.

He left and cried to mom and dad and I explained to mom and dad why. They left and cried to my coordinator and my cord came back saying that wasn’t very “magical.” I explained after several times of this kid not listening, other kids were copying him. In any case I got a stern talk to about being the “nice lifeguard who explains why versus the mean lifeguard who just yells orders.”

Later that day that kid was running across the deck, despite several requests not to, tripped and ate concrete. 🤷‍♂️

Don’t hate me because I don’t feel bad.

7. This is beautiful, "Darling-Jess."

A face performer broke character for my husband and I. I won’t say which park, but we took a trip to Disney about 2 months after our infant son died. He was our first. Our entire nursery was Neverland/Peter Pan themed. We always wanted to take him to Disney, have him meet Peter. Well, he couldn’t. I got a memorial tattoo, an exact replica of my son’s hospital ink handprint, and we got a picture of Peter Pan with the tattoo. We were alone with him and his handler. I tearfully explained the situation before asking him to pose with my arm. He took lots of photos with my tattoo and us. And afterward he hugged me tight, told me he was proud of me, and god bless us, and he was so so sorry for our loss. It was amazing, emotional, and I’ll never forget that Peter Pan was proud of me for finding the strength to keep on living. It honestly meant the world. I’m so glad he broke character. I’ll always treasure those photos and that memory.

8. Damn, Baloo! "katybug86."

Ex cast member here. While not a character myself, I did have to work the parade route from time to time, making sure kids didn't dart out in front of floats and such. "Friends of characters" would often be playful with CMs along the parade route. Winking, making silly faces, etc. There was one day where Baloo came up to me mid-dance, and proceeded to bow to me. Baloo also happened to be wearing some sort of crown/hat thing with a star on the top. Baloo probably wasn't aware of how tall that actually made them.. Baloo managed to smack me right in the mouth with that star, cutting it open and giving me a fat lip. Fairly certain I heard Baloo audibly gasp when they stood upright again. Paws to mouth. Immediately stopped dancing. Just stared at me as I bled. They tried to grab my hands and pull me to them, but their handler came and ushered them along. Oops.

9. This is so cute, "PTech_J."

When I was 6 or so, I went to Disney World with my mom and aunt and cousins. I really wanted Capt Hooks autograph, but per his character, he wasn't supposed to give it. I started crying over it, and my mom went and asked him again (nicely, I hope) and told him that I was very upset over it. He signed my book, even though he wasn't supposed to, and I always thought that was neat.

So, to Capt Hook from 1989 or so, if you're out there - Thanks, and I hope you didn't get in trouble for that.

10. Amazing, "Saturdaii."

Highly doubt this will ever get read but I have a story of someone I know who used to do the mascot stuff at Disneyland.

Back a couple years ago he had to dress up as Nick from Zootopia for his shift. Now the thing about this costume is that the tail is massive metal spring to help give the illusion that it can move on it's own.

With that out of the way, one day he was doing his rounds with his partner (Judy) and they had a bit of a trouble maker (11 ish boy) who was being a little rough and pulling on his tail. Keep in mind this tail is pretty heavy at around 40 lbs and is attached to his back pretty firmly. With no real proper field of vision other than the tunnel vision they get, no breaking character, and no security near by to stop to issue, he was in a bit of a pickle.

Fortunately for Nick, the father of said trouble maker told him to stop and apologize. He did so with a sour disposition that gave the impression he really didn't care. After said apology, a young girl behind him goes "Hey Nick!" and with out missing a beat he does a complete 180 attempting to hit the trouble maker with his tail. He gets purchase and smacks the kid with a good thud and knocks the kid on his ass.

While he was giving attention to the little girl his mind was racing that he was gonna get fired for this little stunt, but luckily for him, the dad pulls through by laughing at his kid's misfortune telling him something along of the lines of "you know you deserved that right?".

He had some other stories of some of the stupid stuff they would do, but for reals, they drill it hard in your head when you go to work them to not break character period.

11. BRB sobbing, "not_a_contractor_fml."

Not a character, but a security guard. At disney, security has a "character" too. Look intimidating. And we can be. We've got a ton of different passage ways and some lovely cells we'll lock you up in if we need to.

Well... This one day, there was a domestic case at the parks. The cops took "dad" away and I, from that point, was to escort mom and her little boy to their hotel room as they were worried that the dad would somehow sneak back into the property. They were VERY afraid.

I was walking them and I hear the mother talking softly to her son. "you see? Yor mama's strong and we'll be just fine, the two of us. We're gonna have a great trip. See that lady?" she gestures to me. "See, she's a girl too and look how tough she is! I bet they gave us the toughest guard around."

Well later, I got called again when they were ready to go to the parks, as they were still paranoid that dad would come back. I was walking them and the little boy looks up at me as says

"miss? I'm scared. Are you sure we're going to be ok?"

And I stopped, knelt down to his level, and said "you're going to be just fine. Your mommy's really tough and she was right, I'm tough too, and best of all, my best friend, mickey mouse , made sure to tell all the strongest, toughest people in the park to protect you today. He put extra magic to make sure you two have a great day, so don't worry. Just have a fun! "

He brightened up and gave me a hug and it was the first time I almost cried on the job.

12. Scary! "KingOfPolice."

When I was a young teen I walked up to one of the toy soldiers at a Disneyland park in Florida(forget which one) I lifted my leg to stand at attention and salute him but I scared the shit out of of the guy as he thought I was going to kick him in the sack.

Was a pretty funny moment actually.

13. This is AMAZING, "johyongil."

Not me, but a co-worker of mine was Tinkerbell. Not just any Tinkerbell, but the flying one during Fantasmic! (Or whatever they call it now.) At the time (I’m unsure of now as I have since moved on from working at Disney) Tinkerbell as a character was never portrayed by anyone in a close up fashion; it was only portrayed through the show and therefore always a long distance portrayal. Well my co-worker was walking around Downtown Disney just burning time before she had to backstage to get harnessed up and a family was nearby and the daughter had collected nearly every character except a couple. The one she really wanted but didn’t have was the Tinkerbell one, but because no one (at the time) portrays Tinkerbell in the meetable fashion, it would be impossible for the little girl to get it. Now, every cast member who becomes a character goes through autograph school, no matter what role you have or how often to face guests in a close manner. This rule includes Tinkerbell. So my friend explains who she is and asks the family to distract the little girl for a few seconds, she signs the autograph book without the little girl seeing and gives it back. The parents exclaim something that directs the girl’s attention back and they were like “wow!!! Tinkerbell heard you wanted her autograph and came and gave you this and then just flew away!!!” The little girl was so star struck.

14. Gross, "MeowthDash."

Not a theme park character, but a witness.

I saw a kid purposely barf all over Pluto's feetpaws, much to the laughter of his friends and then tell Pluto to "lick it up,:

Pluto walked over to a nearby security guard and pointedly started cursing out the kid.

Of course the kid and his friends were thrown out of the park, but the kicker was what the kid said when security was escorting them out and even ASKED what he hoped to accomplish by something so disgusting. (I found this it out when I overheard the guard consoling the Pluto guy.)

"Pluto's a dog and dogs eat vomit! Figured he'd lick it clean."

15. It's a small world! "cega1993."

One time a person in the ‘Chip’ costume pointed to a hat I was wearing and gave me a thumbs up. We then told them we were from there and the person in the costume started writing in our autograph book and whispering to my mom through the costume. We ended up finding out that the person had had one of my aunts as their teacher in elementary school.


Guy asks if he's wrong for accusing lesbian sister of dressing her son as a 'gay accessory.'

$
0
0

Supporting siblings in their parenting styles can be a difficult task when you know their flaws intimately. No one knows how they'd parent until their in the trenches themselves, even a doting aunt or uncle, but that doesn't stop us from projecting our own concerns.

When it comes to family differences, it can be exceedingly difficult to wager whether to speak up about critiques or keep them bottled up inside. If you tell a sibling you disagree with their parenting style, you could fracture the relationship. But if you silently judge and talk behind their backs, that can build a larger mounting tension.

In a recent post on the Am I The *sshole subreddit, a concerned uncle asked if he was wrong for accusing his sister of using her son as a "gay accessory."

"AITA for telling my sister to stop using her 3 year old son as a "gay accessory"

OP kicked off the post by sharing that his sister recently came out of the closet at age 30.

"Let me paint a picture of my little sister, she is almost 30 and is the youngest out of the 3 siblings she has always been addicted with getting attention. She got married about 3 years ago and during that time decided she was a alcoholic. No one in my family really understood this as she never really drank but we were very supportive and she started going to group and still does. Some time during group therapy she discovered she was gay, like a switch was flipped and all of a sudden gay culture is her life."

After OP's sister came out she soon got a divorce, switched up her look, and pursued women.

"She asked for a divorce got new gay friends, shaved one side of her head started wearing flannel shirts the whole shebang. Again everyone was very supportive my mom thinks she is going through a mid life crisis but has kept that idea to herself so all she has seen and heard is absolute support. She started dating one girl (the rebound ) it lasted about 3 weeks now this second girl moved in with her after about a week of dating and seems like a huge leech on her side.

OP feels concerned about how quickly his sister has rebounded and how she's included her 3-year-old son in social media posts with her new fling.

"On a side note she posted picture of her and her girlfriend and her 3 year old son in bed sleeping and she got in fight with people on Facebook who said if they were two males who posted that picture it would be creepy which I kinda of agree with because at this point they had only been dating for about 7 weeks.

OP regularly watches his nephew and noticed that after his sister came out of the closet she switched out all of his old toys for a mermaid doll.

So anyway I watch her boy for her every other weekend and he use to come with all these toys but now he only shows up with a little mermaid doll for some reason and she is always posting pictures of him in rainbow clothing and he is wearing skirts and dresses and he was never interested in this stuff before but she posts these pictures of him telling everyone he is obsessed with the little mermaid and dresses and he is so "blended" so I told her "you know its ok to let him be a boy you don't have to treat him like he's a gay accessory"

During a recent visit, OP confronted her sister about changing her son's toys and dressing him in rainbow gear, claiming she was using him as a "gay accessory."

This did not go over well.

"She blew up on me saying it was his choice to dress like that and play with the toys he brings over (I highly doubt that ) most of my family is on her side but my father and mother were happy someone said something. Am I the *sshole here ? I really was just thinking of the child and how his life shouldn't change at all just because her s*xuality changed."

charbear87 thinks OP wasn't wrong, so long as they were truly keying into what their nephew is responding to.

"NTA Wow I guess I am the odd one out here because I don't think you're the *ss hole."

"I think if you're close with your nephew and recognize these are things he's genuinely not interested in (or as much as his mother thinks) she definitely could be projecting it onto him OR he could be playing it up because kids will do that when they recognize something that is important to their parent. Example a kid that has a parent that's SUPER into hockey, the kid could want to pursue hockey because they perceive it would make their parent happy/proud."

"You're only not the *sshole in this situation if you're close with the kid and can see the changes. I would have had an incredibly indirect sincere conversation and explore the things he IS into currently and how he feels about his life."

"And to the point of the picture no it wouldn't be creepy if it was two males who had posted a photo of their child in bed with them. The creep factor is only in if neither adult were the freaking parent."

kitkat_patty_wack thinks OP is projecting and making unfair assumptions.

"I have a 5 yr old and a 2 yr old. My two year don't know what the f*ck she wants to play with. You could give her a hanger and she'll be happy. My 5 yr old however at 3 was able to tell me she like barbies, lol dolls, dinosaurs toys that have to roar, and big trucks. So would it really be that weird? And as for skirts and rainbows, so what if the kid is wearing rainbows. It's not the end of the world and if he likes to wear skirts now that he is at an age where he can pick out whatever, ok cool. Free well starts at a pretty young age. Not everything is a force to jOiN tHe GaY aGeNdA.

Edit to say OP is deff YTA"

blue_morpho_and_kano thinks OP is making homophobic assumptions.

"YTA

"If this kid really likes to play with mermaids, then how come he waited until after his mom got gay. he doesn't like mermaids when he's 2 y.o., but now he likes them mere months after his mom's second gf started hanging around? HMMMM. amirite?"

"Also, amid all the queer-bashing, let's not lose sight of the part where OP says his unhappily-married, closeted-gay sister "decided" she's an alcoholic. "but she never even puked on me! probably wants attention."

hapa-boi agrees that OP seems overtly threatened by a child playing with feminine toys.

"YTA this has “I’m afraid of the nonexistent gay agenda” written all over it

To everyone saying boys shouldn’t wear skirts, i wear skirts and nobody gives a shit so stop saying society’s values are the same as your own 😷"

Foopvris thinks the whole family sounds toxic.

"YTA I feel so bad for your sister it sounds like her whole family pretends to support her and then gossips and insults her behind her back and you really sound homophobic.

You have no proof she's forcing him to wear dresses your just making assumptions, stop being a judgemental *sshole and learn to stop being homophobic"

LemonLyman95 thinks the family's homophobia contributed to OP's sister's alcoholism.

"INFO have you considered that your sister might have made all these drastic life changes not to seek attention, but because that's who she genuinely is and what she wants for her life?"

"Have you considered that your clearly homophobic family caused her to suppress her true identity until she was independent enough to feel comfortable expressing it? Have you considered that that repression might have caused her to turn to alcohol to cope rather than her claiming a crippling addiction then putting in the work to break it merely for attention?"

"Have you considered that your nephew was exposed to these things and now genuinely enjoys them and that could account for his "unexplained" change in taste? Has your nephew complained to your or anyone else about feeling mistreated or pigeonholed?

Or are you making up excuses that fit your narrow view of the world?"

At this point, it appears a majority of the commenters agree that OP is projecting onto his nephew, while others think he's picking up on how the child may be feeling. What do you think?

11 times customers misbehaved in stores and got shamed with signs.

$
0
0

Sometimes you see a sign and know that it has a wild backstory. These signs put up by store clerks and cashiers just beg the question, "what the hell went on that made this signage necessary?" Here's your daily reminder not to be an a-hole.

1. This gas station has quite the Hall of Fame.


2. I'm including this picture but Hustlers is the best movie ever made and pole dancers deserve respect.


3. Nature's pocket change.


4. Pettiness level: Not petty.


4. I'm sure the police do, though.


5. Fat-shaming is bad but so is stealing.


6. Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!


7. Who steals a cat from a flower shop?


8. She's already dressed in prison stripes.


9. Why travel if you can't handle hearing other languages?


10. Who brought the contraband tortillas?​​​​​​


11. Whoever this kid is...I hope you're happy.

There's now a satirical hotline for adults who are lashing out at climate activist Greta Thunberg.

$
0
0

A lot of people are finding it difficult to see a 16-year-old girl want to save the planet.

Fully grown adults have been lashing out at activist, Greta Thunberg for wanting people in power to take responsibility for climate change. At this point, not believe in climate change is like not believing the sky is blue...

The fact that children are worried about the Earth melting instead of worrying about their high school crushes or their fall sports schedule is a sign that there is a serious crisis on our hands. Greta is highly intelligent, well spoken and passionate but it's also sad that it's come to a place where she's worried about cities sinking into the ocean instead of her college applications.

Luckily, comedians have found the cure to the madness in a hilarious sketch satirizing conservatives who are taking their fear of environmentalism out on a child.

This is a brilliant and important sketch and the internet took note.

Greta herself even tweeted it:

Great job, everyone!

Parents share the inappropriate things they found in their kids' social media posts and search histories.

$
0
0

Kids post the darndest things on social media. Maybe they forget that social media sites are public. Or maybe they think mom and dad aren't going to find out, as if scouring their kids' social media accounts isn't every parents' #1 past-time. These 22 parents (and a few siblings) shared the inappropriate things they've found on their kids' (or siblings') social media accounts. Remember, kids, Big Mother is always watching.

1.) From swordswench:

Not technically a parent but an older sister, so my little brother when he was around 7ish had a search history of naked women and such. And when my mother found out and confronted him he cried and was saying he just wanted to be like Jack from the titanic by drawing naked women and he had a few pages of his attempted drawings

2.) From Chickiepie:

I have told this story before--

this was before my son was on social media; he was 7 or 8, and he asked if he could have some "alone time" in the office. I looked at his search history:

"big boobs" (which turned up weird humongous photoshopped boobs) immediately followed by

"little boobs" and then

"hot grils" which turned up page after page of Weber grills.

He's 18 now and has no memory of this.

3.) From mundaneExistence:

Was at my friends place around the age of 10-12 when my parent called me home randomly.

I run in the front door and both my parents are sitting in the living room and immediately ask me to spell the word ‘sex’ I do and then the tell me to send my brother over.

Brother runs over, he’d be around 9-10, and doesn’t come back.

Turns out he searched for ‘girls having sex’ but spelt it six.

4.) From _flam_ingo:

I found my stepdaughter’s musical.ly account. She had a bunch of poor attempts at sexy belly dancing to various Evanescence songs.

5.) From Maximus125:

My friend told us about how he found his brother's search history:

Girl penis

Girl not have penis?

Why girl not have penis?

He was 10

6.) From princessfairykitten:

Saw my 12-yr old brothers search history once. Was literally "boobs butt and also vagina"

7.) From lltwisterll:

She joined one of those Facebook groups. It was called "anything is a dildo if you are brave enough".

8.) From Anthillmob74:

Pictures of my daughter (11) posing quite harmlessly that went on to bum shots (wearing shorts).

Someone pretending to be a 14yo girl asked her to do these shots for a modelling competition and sent similar shots so she knew how to pose. She eventually stopped the conversation. The pics came through to my iPad (linked devices)

Police got involved and also CEOP. They originated from an account in South Africa so Interpol took over the case and we will probably never get an update.

Instagram never even bothered to respond to my report.

9.) From BridgetteBane:

Had a coworker bring in her kid during the summer so that she could run him to the local middle school for football practice when she took her break at 9. Since I was in training at the time, I was sitting with her at her desk and mine was not in use. To keep him occupied, I'd log into my computer and then she'd pull up youtube so he could watch the "Watch me Whip" song, because apparently kids will watch that shit for hours.

Well, one day she goes over to check in on him and says in a confused voice "Who the heck is Ed Gein???"

So it turned out that it was still logged into my Youtube profile, where I had taken to watching documentaries about serial killers, and the kid had clicked on one of the recommended videos.

Whoopsies.

10.) From seizuresquirrel:

I once found my sister trying to search "sexy boy penies" She might have just missed an S, but I still find it hilarious

11.) From AuspiciousAuspicious:

Well I have child-like parents.

Weirdest thing so far was having to sit down and have a talk with my mother about how some things on Facebook are not real. My extended family lives in Houston and during Hurricane Harvey my mother was driving my elderly relatives to hysteria by emailing them horribly photoshopped pictures of Houston landmarks submerged under 50 feet of water followed by "It's a biblical flood, the world is ending, the news is lying to you, you're going to die if you don't get in your car and try to drive out of town right now". I talked to my stepdad and made him give me her password so I can shut down her account during the next natural disaster.

12.) From born2stab:

When I was 9 or 10 my buddy and I were on the family computer doing whatever 9 or 10 year olds do. My friend told me to go to "prettygirls.com" (innocent enough) - except it directed us to a p*rn site called "teenf*ckinglive" and we immediately panicked and closed to browser. My mom really chewed us out when she found it. I tried to tell her we were just looking for pretty girls but she wasn't having it. It was a long few weeks of computer-less punishment.

13.) From Headbangerfacerip:

Not super similar but related. My mom gave me and my sister diaries when we were about 14-15 and I instantly knew it was a trap and they would read it so I drew a monster truck and some stick figures doing Kung fu then left it. My sister instantly decided to write about the dude she f*cked under the pier and how she had been smoking weed everyday and how much she hated my parents. I have never seen someone dig themselves a grave so deep so fast. They read them the minute we left for school in the morning.

14.) From chutzpahinheels:

I don't know what it is, but I'm willing to bet it's something I disapprove of. My 15 year old happily announces he "went viral," because his comment amassed 1.5K likes on reddit. "What did you say?" I ask. [pause] "...I forgot." "What's your reddit name?" "...I can't tell you." "Then why did mention it??"

15.) From AndyWarwheels:

My kids are preteen I was on their computer one time and found a series of internet searches:

kissing

making out

condom

16.) From pywhacket:

When my twins were young, elementary school, they were looking up the Simpsons and accidentally came across cartoon Simpson's pornography. The computer was in the living room so I heard them giggling and turned to see two guilty little faces. So hard not to laugh and so disturbing! What a conversation... The sight of Milhouse and Lisa is forever burned into my retinas.

17.) From bananapunk:

When he was little, my brother once wanted to help us find a cool new purse to order for my mom's birthday. He image searched "fun bags," and my parents had to answer a LOT of questions.

18.) From [deleted]:

Not social media but once caught both of my nieces playing an animated game online where the objective was to spank a cartoon butt with a paddle. Every time they'd "swing the paddle" at the butt, it would emit the sound of a woman moaning. They couldn't understand why the game was inappropriate and were laughing hysterically while playing.

19.) From MROlson:

My 15-year old step bro-in-law used my wife’s laptop while he was visiting the house and forgot to clear the history. His google searches included: girls p*ssing, hot p*ss, p*ssy willows, boobs and p*ssing, p*ssing sex.

Hmmm, now that I type this out I am wondering if he was just misspelling ‘pissing.’ That would make a little sense... albeit not comforting.

20.) From thraxsinatra420:

When I was like 12 my dad found Dragon Ball Z Hentai in my history searches and proceeded to look through all of the pages while I hid in the bathroom pretending to take a shit. I remember him yelling my name and having to mentally prepare to deny everything LMAO. I’m scared as shit to have kids and find their prn searches

21.) From thegirlwholikescats:

Not a parent, but the other day my twelve year old little brother posted a topless photo on instagram with the caption "F*ckBoy"

22.) From Olealicat:

A friend from work’s son goes to a fairly strict Catholic school. One day I was walking out to my car, and she was outside yelling on the phone and generally freaking out. I waited around, she usually has a lot of funny drama going on. She hangs up the phone, looks at me and starts hyperventilating and then laughs hysterically. I was like, girl what is going on? She said her son’s principal called she and her husband need to come to the school immediately, that her son will fill her in on the rest. She continues to tell me her son said he got caught looking at naked ladies on the internet, and the principal printed out his search history. He searched “boobie prawn” and “lady parts” during class. She was yelling at her husband on the phone, telling him about the situation, and all he had to say was, “we should have taught him how to delete the history.”

15 people share stories of a time they tried to help or impress people and it didn't go as planned.

$
0
0

Despite our best intentions, sometimes a seemingly fun idea backfires like a steaming hot pie in the face. At the moment of humiliation, a backfire can feel deeply shameful and full of despair.

Luckily, years later it's just another funny story about your confidence being dashed by a hot pie in the eyeballs. And who among us hasn't found our nostrils full of metaphorical whipped cream minutes after announcing a brilliant plan to take over the world?!

In a recent Reddit thread, people shared the most memorable times their actions backfired, and it'll make you feel infinitely better about the time you ruined Thanksgiving by complimenting your Aunt's shoplifted jewelry.

1. I0I0I0I literally created a backfire.

"Decided to burn some newspaper outside in a toilet I had just replaced, because I didn't want risking the grass catching on fire. Well, heat caused toilet to explode, sending burning newspaper everywhere.

Grass caught on fire."

2. latchkey_adult got punched for their efforts.

"Trying to shake hands with my bully, thinking this would diffuse the situation. Got punched in the throat."

3. adanipse got in trouble at camp.

"When I was a kid at summer camp, I once attached some skyrockets to one of those balsa wood gliders. I tossed it out toward the lake after lighting the rockets and it flew normally for a few seconds until the rockets kicked in. It shot straight up, looped over our heads, and landed right on one of the councilors.

No bug juice for me that night."

4. Mybluehighlighter got replaced for their kindness.

"Had friends at a lunch table who always made fun of this girl who sat by herself. I invited her to our table one day because I felt bad for her. Yup, you can see where this is going."

"She immediately and 100% replaced me, and they all realized it was even more awesome to make fun of me. Jokes on them, I got to eat lunch with my civics teacher after that."

5. BagelDesk's vacuum hack turned into a huge mess.

"In my first apartment I had a bag vacuum (as opposed to a canister vacuum), and the bag was full. I had no replacement bags, so I used painter's tape to attach a walmart bag. I thought I was frugal genius, and patted myself on the back as I switched it on."

"Didn't work at all. Almost immediately the bag blew right off, and a bunch of dirt blew all over the place... all the dirt that was stuck in the vacuum since the previous bag was full."

6. reddituser9871 accidentally injured their teacher.

"For April fools I was planning to do an innocent prank by putting a air horn under my teachers chair so when he sat down it would trigger it and startle him but he got too startled and jumped out of his seat, landed on his back and got knocked unconscious."

7. Zaracee94's brother gave their other brother heat stroke.

"Not me but my brothers. My second older brother got really bad sun burn while out at the outdoor swimming pool and my oldest brother told him to put this Deep Heat cream on it (this is that kinda cream you put on for muscle pain and it heats up). Long story short my second older brother does this and has to go to hospital for heat stroke. Never seen my dad shout so much in my life lol"

8. altron138 got a bit too excited at camp.

"Ok, I got this one. When I was a leader in training (LIT) at my beloved summer camp, itching to prove myself but still a dumb impulsive kid, I also liked fire. We were on a day trip and the site had a 30 degree rockface that was hidden from the site itself. So I went to the top with a "friend" and a can of naptha (highly flammable), these rocks are pitted so I decided it would be an awesome idea to fill one and lights it on fires!!! I was facing uphill and didn't notice that when I filled the little pit, it overflowed and ran down between my legs."

"So I light it, it immediately flares up down the hill, through my legs. I jumped out if the way but ended up knocking the can into the blaze and it bounced down the rockface, spraying burning naptha everywhere. It landed on the lake at the bottom and leaked burning fuel all over the small inlet. I turn around and friend had run, so I ended up putting out 50 percent just stamping in my sandals, they brought in and emptied 2 fire extinguishers on it all because main camp was close by. Somehow didn't get sent home and had an awesome counselor career....

9. Y35JEM lost a friend because they looked out for him.

"A girl I knew dated a guy I was also friends with. Really sweet, doting guy, not the best looking, but a really lovely lad. I went on a night out with his girlfriend, my partner at the time and his friend Jay. We drank and danced etc and at the end of the night, my friend and Jay were kissing."

"We spoke the next day and she swore it was a one-off but ended up meeting him twice after that so I told her if she didn't tell her partner, I would as he was my friend too and didn't deserve it. In the end I told him and he thanked me. Then she spoke to him, cried a river and managed to talk him round into forgiving her and falling out with me.

Been a few years since and neither one spoke to me since. They're still together but I don't know how he can trust her."

10. Shadrack_Meshax's pen caused a scene on a plane.

"Sitting on an airplane doing a crossword puzzle. My pen stopped writing, so I snapped it up and down a couple of times. Ahhhh, pen works again. Guy beside me starts freaking out and yelling for the stewardess. I look over at him and see a thin line of black ink running from the left shoulder of his crisp, starched white shirt to the right hip of his pants."

"I pretended like I had been asleep, and he blamed some random kid across the aisle.
The airline gave him a voucher or something to pay for the dry cleaning."

11. Sonicxwwe hit their own balls.

"I was quite bored one day so I took a large stick and began acting like it was a lightsaber (this was when I was like 12 btw) so basically as I was playing around with it and my brother grabbed a stick and joined in. We were fighting with them for a bit when I decided to hit him in the balls because he kicked a ball into ,y face earlier in the week. So i thrust the stick at his balls and there was a brick wall directly behind him, I missed and the stick hit the wall and it jutte back and hit me in the balls.

I still remember that day since."

12. trophyhunter1985 accidentally bullied himself.

"When I was a kid I took swimming lessons. One day after lessons were done and we went to the locker rooms to change there were some clothes sitting on top of one of the sinks. Me wanting to show off decided to push the clothes into the sink and turned on the faucet and soaked the clothes completely. We all had a great laugh. So I go to my locker to get my clothes to get dressed and to my horror realize that my clothes weren’t in my locker."

"And then realized that the balled up pile I clothes I failed to recognize that were now soaking in the sink were actually my clothes. I sat in my wet swimsuit until the locker room was empty and until my dad finally came in and I lied and said someone soaked my clothes. He went to the counter and grumped at the workers and they gave him some lost and found clothes."

"Ugly sweats that were so big they went above my head as I embarrassingly walked through the center and parking lot humiliated by my own actions. I’ve never told my parents who really soaked the clothes. But it was an excellent lesson for me to learn not to be an a-hole and to know exactly what it feels like to be bullied as I 100% took the the brunt of my childhood a-holeness"

13. Lockshala accidentally gave their cat ALL of the space.

"Got my cat TWO cat trees because I was told she needed more vertical space. Now she doesn't use them and sleeps in the center of the floor like she owns the fuckin place"

14. soulfister took the joke too far.

"I was with my friend walking from the subway to a bar. These 2 attractive girls came up to us and asked if we knew where a different bar was but it was on the way to where we were going so we offered to walk them there. One of the girls said “wow that’s so nice, thank you! ... you’re not gonna rape us or something are you?” and I responded “no , it’ll all be consensual”. She didn’t find it as funny as I did and they ran ahead at the next crosswalk"

15. reeeennn got sh*t on in front of their school friends.

"A little bit of backstory:

This was when I was maybe 14/15 at school. Back then the school was well known for how at breaks the outside areas would be swarming with seagulls because everyone would throw their rubbish on the floor. There had been many times where people were shit on by the birds which made everyone scared when they flew above."

"So anyway it was our lunch break and it was coming towards the end so everyone was finishing their food, it was a hot day so most people ate outside. Like always the seagulls were swarming the place so a lot of people were very cautious because no one wanted to be shat on."

"Me and a load of friends were all kinda just huddled together in a circle yknow having a bit of banter like the young teenagers do. I kept looking up because of all the seagulls right and I see that one has taken a shit right above me, it was quite high up so I had time to react. I decided to get everyone's attention, and then took a step back and stood their looking all smug. The plan was to have the shit land in front of me directly where I was standing."

"It backfired when the bird shit went all over my head, bag and uniform while everyone was watching me."

Viewing all 38991 articles
Browse latest View live




Latest Images