Disgusting. (via WCTI)

Happy Place can now confirm that the McDonald's Corporation, the world's largest fast food chain, does not--NOT--support sandwiches being decorated with swastika symbols. 

We know this because the Mickey D's corporate office had to issue a formal apology after a North Carolina woman discovered a swastika burned into the bun of her chicken sandwich. Charleigh Matice noticed the symbol when she went to put mayonnaise on the bun, and jumped to the conclusion that an enlightened employee wasn't wishing her "good luck" in Sanskrit.

Matice's first thought was "Is this a joke? Does somebody really think they're funny?" The short-ish answer would be yes, some chucklehead making minimum wage was probably trying to impress the cute fry cook with the spider tattoo by putting his DGAF attitude on full display. 

Matice, however, was unimpressed, and after she complained, the guy who made the sandwich was fired. Matice was offered a refund, but says it wasn't about the money or a new sandwich, and would like to see the incident addressed at a higher level. “I'm a loyal customer and that's why I don't want people like that representing them." 

Turns out, neither does McDonald's, who issued a statement from the owner of the Moorhead City chain (written while rolling his eyes and pausing to make jerk-off motions with his hands), making it perfectly clear that McDonald's is not in favor of their food being garnished with hate speech:

“We are very sorry for the service that our customers received, and to be clear we have terminated the employee who was involved. We do not tolerate that kind of behavior at McDonald's, and it's not what we stand for personally as owners. It is about providing the best level of service and care to our customers, and anything less than that is unacceptable to us.” - Dulcy Purcell, local McDonald's Owner/Operator in Morehead City, NC

With that settled, Matice says she's no longer upset and will continue eat at McDonalds.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Come at me, bro.

What are you trying to prove, little one? Are you trying to look tough because your owners put a dorky t-shirt on you? 

Whoever is letting little scrapper Lilly, the 12-week-old Chihuahua, start something with Vago, the massive Great Dane, has a lot of faith in the strength of that leash. 

Vago is so chill, he must get it all the time. Little guys are always trying to prove themselves with the biggest guy in the room, but if Markaduke is any example, Lilly should watch her step. Just like Lilly doesn't know how small she is, Vago might not know how big he is. 

(Via Brad Anderson)

(by Myka Fox)

When Norm met "The Funniest Man in the World." (Via Getty Images)

News of Robin Williams' death Monday has caused so many people to reflect on the contributions he made as an actor and comedian, sharing their favorite movie and standup clips. 

Early Tuesday morning, comedian Norm MacDonald went on Twitter and shared the first time he met Robin Williams. He was scheduled to make his first appearance on Letterman when he noticed "The Funniest Man In The World" walking around back stage. Williams popped into MacDonald's dressing room and pretended to be a a Jewish tailor, then fluidly became a man taking a Chinese takeout order while on the phone with MacDonald's friend. MacDonald recalls Williams being funnier than anything he had planned to do while on TV.

It's a great insight into how funny and loose Williams was, even when he wasn't in front of the camera -- even when he wasn't in front of more than one other person.  

It was my first stand-up appearance on Letterman and I had to follow the funniest man in the world. #RIPRobinWilliams

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) August 12, 2014

I was a punk kid from rural Ontario and I was in my dressing room, terrified. #RIPRobinWilliams

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) August 12, 2014

I was on the phone to a friend back home when the funniest man in the world ambled by. #RIPRobinWilliams

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) August 12, 2014

There was no one else on the floor. In shock, I told my friend who just walked by. Only the funniest man in the world. #RIPRobinWilliams

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) August 12, 2014

I guess he heard me say his name, cause in an instant he was at my side. #RIPRobinWilliams

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) August 12, 2014

He was a jewish tailor, taking my measurements. He went down on his knees, asked which way I dressed. #RIPRobinWilliams

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) August 12, 2014

I told my friend on the phone that the funniest man in the world was on his knees before me, measuring my inseam. #RIPRobinWilliams

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) August 12, 2014

My friend didn't believe me so I said, "Could you talk to my friend, sir. #RIPRobinWilliams

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) August 12, 2014

The funniest man in the world took the phone and for ten minutes took my friend's chinese food order. #RIPRobinWilliams

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) August 12, 2014

I laughed and laughed and it was like I was in a dream because no one else was there. No one. #RIPRobinWilliams

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) August 12, 2014

The place was out of Moo Shoo Pork, and there was nothing he could do about it. #RIPRobinWilliams

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) August 12, 2014

He angrily hung up on my friend and I was about to thank him when he said I hadn't even tried the jacket on. #RIPRobinWilliams

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) August 12, 2014

Then the funniest man on earth dressed me, a complete stranger, and i remember he ended with a windsor knot. #RIPRobinWilliams

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) August 12, 2014

He spoke mostly yiddish, but when he finished he was happy with his job and turned me to a mirror to present myself to me.#RIPRobinWilliams

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) August 12, 2014

No one witnessed any of this. No one. #RIPRobinWilliams

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) August 12, 2014

The funniest man alive was in my dressing room a good half-hour and was far funnier than the set I had to do soon.#RIPRobinWilliams

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) August 12, 2014

ll of a sudden it was, had to. #RIPRobinWilliams

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) August 12, 2014

When he left my dressing room, I felt alone. As alone as I ever remember feeling. #RIPRobinWilliams

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) August 12, 2014

Until today. #RIPRobinWilliams

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) August 12, 2014

Unacceptable. #RIPRobinWilliams

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) August 12, 2014

Thanks, Norm. 

(by Myka Fox)

1. The World Today Has 100 Percent Less Robin Williams, And It Is 1,000,000 Percent Worse For It

Terrible, terrible, terrible news. Here are other people trying to work their through this tragedy right along with you:

Losing Robin Williams makes as much sense as the idea of losing pizza or anything else thats been a staple of life as long as I can remember

— Josh Fadem (@joshfadem) August 12, 2014

2. Your Dumb-Ass Theory About The End Of 'Game Of Thrones' Might Be The Correct Dumb-Ass One 

It turns out that your very silly theory about how George R.R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire fantasy novel series will end might just be silly enough to be the right one. "So many readers were reading the books with so much attention that they were throwing up some theories," Martin told The Telegraph, "and while some of those theories were amusing bullshit and creative, some of the theories are right."

Because you gave away too many endings to Game Of Thrones before he was caught up #ReasonsYourCatRanAwayNeverToReturn

— Mark Jordan Legan (@MJLegan) August 12, 2014

3. Legal Marijuana Ushers In Debaucherous New World Of Moderate Drug Use

Unfortunately for people who want to demonize marijuana, it would appear as though legalizing and restricting the drug in Colorado has not yet led to an End of Days scenario with the state's stoned teenagers taking to the street with pitchforks and murdering everyone in their path in their drug-addled haze. In fact, it hasn't even led to increased usage of pot among teenagers. 

Going to the Mariners game tonight. Can't wait to see Seattle's ballpark marijuana vendors in action.

— John Moe (@johnmoe) August 8, 2014

4. Pussy Riot Cameo Will Be Least Silly Thing In Third Season Of 'House Of Cards'

Nadezhda Tolokonnikova and Maria Alyokhina of Pussy Riot have agreed to appear on the next season of Netflix's hit show House of Cards. This is apparently part of their plan to learn how to integrate politics into cinema, so that they can bring that knowledge back to Russia. "It's not a question of what do they want, but what we want from them. And we want to learn how to do a political movie. This is our main agenda right now," Tolokonnikova told the Wall Street Journal.

When True Blood ends, the cast of House of Cards will have to take over all operations at the Terrible Southern Accent Factory.

— CeCe Pleasants (@CeCePleasants) August 4, 2014

5. Your Future Panda Triplet Overlords Were Born In China Last Week

Triplet pandas born in a Chinese zoo on July 29 are being referred to as a "new wonder of the world," due to the extreme rarity of such incidents in the species and how much people just goddamn love baby pandas.

Welcome to the world, baby panda triplets! I guess one of you doesn't read the news. pic.twitter.com/rKjJJWFENW

— Josh Comers (@joshcomers) August 12, 2014

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

More like "booooooooo"ber.

The car-service app/business/plot known as Uber has been in the news a lot lately, more than its newer rival Lyft, even though that just started. Uber's news coverage mainly revolves around debates over whether its service is good for making rides easier to order and purchase, or whether it's replacing high-quality driving jobs with low-quality ones while simultaneously charging exorbitant rates during rush hour or in bad weather.

Lyft is much like Uber in that it relies on a vast network of freelance drivers who receive ratings from passengers. In fact, it's so much like Uber that I'm not sure how they're different. Maybe that's why Uber has decided that, much like traditional taxi companies, it should kill Lyft. That's what Lyft is accusing Uber of attempting after they cross-referenced the phone numbers of known Uber recruiters (people who try to get traditional livery drivers to become Uber drivers) with lists of cancelled Lyft requests.

They found that Uber employees called for Lyft rides and then cancelled them at the last second over 5,500 times. This is a real form of harassment, since that means drivers have to spend time and gas traveling to a spot where no one is waiting—time that the driver is not making money, which is probably doubled by the time it takes him or her to drive back. In addition, individual Uber phone numbers were used to create hundreds of accounts so they could repeat this process.

On the rare occasions that the Uber employees did get picked up, they generally took rides that were so short as to be unprofitable, and they spent their time trying to convince the drivers to join Uber. 

Now, there are plenty of reasons to like Uber—some say that Uber may be an unspoken factor in improving the chances that L.A. may change the law to let bars stay open later—but if they're seeking to avoid a reputation of being heartless exploiters who don't care if they're actually hurting the incomes of ordinary drivers in order to provide a return for Palo Alto investors...maybe they should consider another form of competition.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Serve me alcohol I'm a monster. (Via Getty Images)

For everyone who wants to believe that Kendall Jenner is the nice one, here's a story that's going to get in your way.

She went out to SoHo's Mercer Kitchen with Stephen Baldwin's daughter Hailey Baldwin, where the server, Skins actress Blaine Morris, rightfully refused to serve her alcohol. Even though Kendall is a model and has more slits in her dress than a snake has in its tongue, she is still only 18 years old. 

According to Page Six, when Morris refused to serve booze to the underaged brat, Kendall, "got up and left and didn’t pay for all the food . . . about $60 worth, and without a tip.”

Bitch. 

This is Blaine Morris before ever receiving a cash facial. (Via Getty Images)

Then, an anonymous witness told Page Six that when the MTV-actress-turned-humiliated-server went after the little shits, they laughed in her face, and Kendall "took a couple of $20 bills out of her wallet, threw them at the server and walked away, not even counting if it was enough or if it included a tip.”

What a bitch. 

(Via MTV)

Blaine Morris reportedly tweeted, “That horrible moment you chase a Kardashian down the street because she forgot to pay her bill to be thrown money in your face.” She has since made her account private. 

Kendall's manager/circus master had nothing to say about the issue, but a Baldwin rep stated, “They thought everything was paid for. Kendall was polite and asked ‘Does this cover it?’ They didn’t run.”

Yeah, right. Didn't Kourtney's baby-maker Scott Disick do almost the exact same thing for being denied booze? These K kids should really look into getting that Baldwin rep to lie for them, too. 

(by Myka Fox)

Just a run-of-the-mill weirdly mutated piece of produce with a dream of stardom. (via)

Every once in a great while, a foodstuff comes along that helps define a generation, lending his unique insight to a wide array of pop culture avenues. This is the story of the Hip-Hop Carrot, a weird-looking root vegetable whose picture was posted to reddit's Photoshop Battles page earlier today. He is one of those important few. 

He got his start as part of a well-respected and influential hip-hop crew. (via)

.

...and eventually moved on to a successful solo career. (via)

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Soon, he was an international phenomenon. (via)

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It wasn't long before Hollywood came calling. (via)

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As well as independent cinema, offering prestige roles in art house films. (via)

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In time, he tried his hand at the animated market. (via)

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But he was always happiest on stage, and he settled into the life of a prop comic. (via)

Lots and lots and lots more pictures of the hip-hop carrot can be found right here.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Physician, shut up thyself.

It's turning out to be a real banner day for Fox News. Just a few hours after host Shep Smith paid tribute to Robin Williams by calling him a coward, Keith Ablow, a psychiatrist and member of Fox News' "Medical A-Team," made the case that Michelle Obama isn't a credible voice when it comes to school nutrition because she "needs to drop a few" pounds.

The panelists on Outnumbered were discussing a Kentucky school district's decision to opt out of federal funding for school lunches because kids aren't happy with the food. That's when Ablow, with his gut hanging over his belt and his legs splayed out in order to let his massive balls breathe, decided to drop a fat zinger aimed at FLOTUS as if he were at the offices of BroBible pitching a piece about "America's most bang-able First Ladies."

It was all going so well, too. Everyone was in agreement that the First Lady was a bummer, and that when it comes nutrition, who better to decide what's right than children in Kentucky? He probably felt like he was in a safe space, but it was clear that he crossed a line when the panelists reacted like he'd just called Reagan a pussy for dying his hair.

KENNEDY: We don't need the federal government applying -- projecting -- these standards upon us. And Michelle Obama is so, like, the duchess when she speaks.

KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE: She's kind of annoying that way.

KENNEDY: She is.

ABLOW: And how well could she be eating? She needs to drop a few.

[A COLLECTIVE “OOH” FROM THE PANEL. CROSSTALK. HOME AUDIENCE MEMBERS JUMPING ON THEIR COUCHES WITH DELIGHT WHILE SCREAMING ABOUT MEXICANS, GUNS, AND BENGHAZI ]

ABLOW: I'm telling you, let's be honest --

HARRIS FAULKNER: You did not say that --

The clip started making the rounds pretty quickly, so Ablow is probably busy crafting his apology while simultaneously fielding calls from Fox executives about creating his own show for the channel called Tough Medicine with Doctor A.

In between bites of his dinner from a Chinese buffet and patting himself on the back for his article about how he could've saved Robin Williams.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

An inspiration to door-openers everywhere.

Some cats are great mousers. Others are better suited to lying about in spots of sunshine. And some excel at overcoming the inherent difficulties involved with being cheesy. But Mulder the cat here, he's got a skill set that's pretty unique. But what he does well, he does really well:

That is awesome. Really, really phenomenal stuff. Way to open that door, Mulder! For a second there, I thought he was gonna fall in that pool of water, but then he didn't! I was on the edge of my seat.

Now, you might take opening doors for granted, because if you're reading this, you're probably a human, and humans tend to be at least passable at opening doors. However, if you're not a human, I recommend you get someone to film you reading this post and put it on YouTube. I can guarantee you some hits.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Those are the things I miss the most.

One of Robin Williams' greatest strengths was his ability to improvise. Even in a heavy movie like Good Will Hunting, one of the most memorable moments of the film is due to Williams' improvisation. 

According to Matt Damon's commentary on the DVD, Robin Williams improvised the line about his character's wife farting in bed. The comment caught everyone so off guard that you can see the camera shaking from laughter during the scene.

"People call those things imperfections, but they're not. That's the good stuff."

(by Myka Fox)

Everyone else in the country got to take a minute in private, but Conan was taping.

As I'm sure you're aware by now, Robin Williams passed away yesterday at the age of 63. It was a great shock to everyone—I could literally see people on the street drop their mouths when they looked at their phones—and especially for comedians. Conan O'Brien was no exception as he found out near the end of taping his Monday night show, and neither was Andy Richter or their guest, comedian Will Arnett. Conan felt he had an obligation to speak about it, even though it was clearly "shocking and horrifying" for him to hear, and all three delivered the sort of kind and honest responses that are hard to maintain composure during in private, much less on live TV.

Sorry you had to find out that way, guys, but thanks for helping.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Waiting for the sea bass to drop.

Hey, buyers of cat food! Check out this video featuring a bunch of cats getting freaking on the dance floor while listening to an electronic version of a familiar old advertising jingle. This is definitely not your grandparents' Meow Mix commercial!

Did that make you want to buy some nutritious food for your cat? I cannot say it had quite that effect on me. I definitely did make me want to buy something. And if anybody out there knows a guy who, like, has some stuff that he can maybe sell, I may or may not be interested in making such a purchase before watching this video again.

Here, take a look at the stodgy old Meow Mix commercial to see just how far this ad campaign has come over the years. 

Never mind. That one's pretty goddamned trippy, too. I'm sure Meow Mix knows it's audience. Cat people are... well, they're definitely cat people.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

"La la la la la la... we can't hear you!" - Comcast

Good news for everyone who has had to endure endless conversations with the Comcast retention staff! The monster conglomerate has come up with a new strategy to keep customers from canceling service: leave them on hold. 

Leave them on hold. It's brilliant in its childish simplicity. Can't expect me to clean my room if I didn't hear you tell me to; can't cancel your service if I didn't answer your cancellation call.

After a month of trying to get Comcast to improve his service, Aaron Spain gave up and decided to cancel. Like everyone else, he was sent through the computerized menu maze (no, he would not like to order Big Knockout Boxing) until he finally got the option to cancel. But instead of being forced into an argument with surly retention staff, Spain was promptly placed on hold. For over three hours. Until they closed. 

They never even ended the call, or gave him the option to be put into a queue to speak with someone tomorrow. They just let his phone tick away on hold, presumably hoping he'd pass out from rage before they'd have to handle his call. He even calls from another line to confirm that Comcast is in fact closed while he is still on hold, proving that this corporation is not only faceless, it has no ears.

I'm sorry, we are too busy lying to other customers to handle your request, please hold.

And there it is, a monster company acting like a giant spoiled baby that has chosen to distort a mother's advice: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. 

(by Myka Fox)