We spend approximately %150 of our lives at work (feel free to double-check my math, but that's how it feels). So statistically it makes sense that some of the weirdest things to happen in life will take place during work hours. On the bright side: if you're going to have awkward, uncomfortable and surreal experiences, you may as well get paid for them!

Someone asked Reddit: "what’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever seen happen at work?" Here are 22 people sharing the most "WTF?!" experiences that ever happened to them on-the-clock:

1.) From Greystreet21:

While working at a supermarket, I was walking through the dairy department and saw a fellow employee over by the eggs. As I got closer I could see him with a carton open and he seemed to be turning each egg. After doing the whole pack, I asked him what he was doing and he responded, “the manager asked me to rotate the eggs.” I facepalmed and explained what they actually meant, to which he replied, “that makes a lot more sense.”

For context, in the grocery world, to rotate means to make sure the earliest dates of expiration are towards the front of the shelf.

2.) From DeeMountain:

One guy did a spicy wing challenge at lunch. Later that afternoon he was on the floor of his cubicle moaning and crying and saying Fuck so many times (Very loudly) We tried to call an ambulance but he was adamant that he was going to be fine.

3.) From Ajoc27:

In a creche/daycare. One of the moms dropped off her baby & when handing him to one of the staff she kissed the staff member on the face and said "love you" and went off to work. Phoned a couple hours later to say "I've just realised what I did this morning. I'm so sorry, I was half asleep and I guess I'm so used to handing him to my husband" we had a good laugh

4.) From jac0bk:

I work in a kindergarden for kids with special needs. One kid kept going for a quiet place few times a day, and we figured he just needed some time alone. This was outside in the playground where there was a little treehouse in the back behind some trees. On the third day of this happening I went to see what's up and encourage him to talk about why he needed time alone. I found him sitting on the ground eating one big spoon full of sand after the other. We're not just talking baby eating sand here - more like a medium sized kid shoveling sand down his stomach like it was his favourite food. So yeah this little boy probably ate A LOT of sand during those three days and probably longer.

He's fine now - 2. Grader now - kicked me in the butt when I saw him in a grocery store a week ago.

5.) From XyloArch:

Worked at big outdoor activities centre a few summers, there's lots of behind-the-scenes areas where the public can't see. Saw a new guy (who was definitely some friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend 'favour' hire from someone higher up) not know where the toilets were so just take a shit in a hedge behind scenes (I found him mid-shit). He proceeded to makes really crude moves on all the women and I later found him receiving a blow job from a guy in the same hedge. He was asked to leave.

6.) From Early2000sRnB:

When I had an internship in an office, the second highest boss opened the door without knocking, stared at us aggressively, walked towards us and offered a box of chocolate marshmallows. Then he went out. He didn't say one word.

7.) From DeadSheepLane:

I watched the neighbor get caught by her husband mid-cheat. This was the last home hospice job I did. The clients bedroom was at the back of the house and had a large window that faced the front of the neighbors across a dirt road. We were sitting mid morning drinking a cups and watching the birds in the low hedge when we saw a naked man suddenly sprint across the side yard into the old garage followed by the just as naked wife and a few seconds later the husband. Lot of screaming follows then the naked man took off across the field and disappeared into the orchard. Several minutes pass before we see the wife dash over to her car, still naked, get in and drive off.

My client, who was quite a spitfire of a lady her entire life, turned to me very deadpan and said “I’m glad I lived long enough to see that”. We didn’t stop laughing the rest of the day.

8.) From Jaydeeem89:

I work in an office and thought it would be funny to put googly eyes on my coworkers desk one day. Everyone had a good laugh over it and a couple weeks I found googly eyes on all my stuff. It became a game of who could arrange googlys on peoples desk in the most creative/funny manner. It was hilarious.. Then one of the adjacent departments caught wind of the good times we were having and started doing the same. Cue a month later and there are fucking googly eyes EVERYWHERE. It was absurd. On the drinking fountains, clocks, vending machines, garbage cans, toilets, you name it, there were googly eyes littered all over the goddamn place. The custodians started complaining that they couldnt keep up with the mess. Visiting customers would look around at the googly spectacle in disbelief of the unprofessionalism. The head managers had to hold team meetings to talk to all the teams about removing all googly eyes.. and of course since I started it, any time a rogue googly eye popped up months later, I got a stern look from my boss.

The day that I quit there (or get fired, more likely), there will be an unleashing of googly eyes that will be unrivalled. People will be fucking swimming through piles of googly eyes just to get to their completely googly eye covered desks. The vents will be spitting out plastic eyeballs of all shapes and sizes. People will open their lunches they brought from home and gasp in shock as they find nothing but little beady shaky eyes looking up from their tupperware. There. Will. Be. GOOGLY EYES.

9.) From StylishSuidae:

I actually wrote up a whole encounter with my strange russian coworker the other day, but I can't get to tumblr on my work computer. My weirdest counter with him though was I had to go into the lab during lunch and he was in there:

• with all the lights off

• wearing nothing but an undershirt

• lifting a single weight

• with Let's Grove by Earth, Wind, and Fire at full volume playing from his computer.

Also his desk neighbor has had to make one of his monitors vertical because Igor will change at his desk in the middle of the office.

Edit: I've added below the tumblr post I wrote about him

I’m sure many of you are familiar with John Mulaney’s ducklings bit. Today I’d like to tell you all about the Henry J. Finch of my workplace. He’s a small old Russian man named Igor. Normally I change people’s names when I tell stories about them on the internet. However, given this guy is literally a Soviet era Russian named Igor, it would be a disservice to the story to tell it any other way. Ridiculous shit happens with him all the time, [story from above].

But today, I want to recount just what happened in a single software review with this guy. It started out great when he showed up half an hour late to an hour long meeting because he didn’t realize that we were having our weekly software review at the same time on the same day that we always have it. The department manager asked him where he was, and he said “in a machine diving”. Now Igor has a very thick Russian accent, so it’s reasonable to assume that you misunderstood something when what he said doesn’t make sense; and we work on non-aquatic trains, so diving really doesn’t make sense. The department manager asked “driving?” and Igor said “no, diving!” and mimed swimming. The department manager decided to leave that one alone.

A few minutes later we were talking about having to send someone up to Richmond to meet with a company there. Igor interrupted everyone to say “Richmond is the capital of Virginia”. And y'know what? He’s right. It sure is.

Eventually we got to reviewing his tasks, and every single one was on the backlog save one, which was on hold. He wasn’t actively working on any of them. And only one of them had a projected end date: February 28, 2022. Now I know that most people aren’t software engineers, so let me explain that these tasks should usually be anywhere from a day to a week, maybe a month if it’s a really big one. Not 25 months. But this kind of thing is normal for Igor so let’s move on to the next thing. He croaked. It sounded just like a frog. He opened the corner of his mouth and croaked. And absolutely nobody acknowledged it.

A few minutes later someone asked who the cube avatar was. Every person in this system has an avatar that shows up on all of their tasks so that you can tell who each task is assigned to. Since the mine was the cube avatar I let the asker know, then Igor perked up and said “A cube! Square on all sides!” Then he let out a slight chuckle and settled back down in his seat, and continued “born perfectly…”

All of this took place inside the half hour that he was actually in the meeting, and barely any of it was acknowledge by the more senior employees.

10.) From Sarcastrophe49:

I used to be a movie theater manager in college. One night, I was preparing the next projector for showing (on a 35mm camera, so no digital), and I looked into the auditorium that I thought was empty and saw a guy receiving a handjob from a girl. But this was no regular handjob: the dude was stroking each of her right foot toes individually in a precise rhyhtm with the girl stroking him. He had a very efficient lotion-application system for her toes where he would squeeze lotion onto one toe while he stroked the next toe, never missing a beat (or a toe). Clarence Carter would've been proud of this stroking efficiency (see: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7gMkiOPSeA).

Upon seeing this, I did what any responsible manager would do: I called the other manager up from the box office to assess the situation. He confirmed that this man was receiving a handjob while toe stroking and we laughed so hard we thought that they heard us.

At this point, I'm guessing they had been stroking each other for at least 13 minutes, so I figured that the guy was probably close to climaxing soon. So, I turned the overhead house lights in the auditorium on and off a few times. The guy stood straight up, hit his erect penis on the cup holder while turning, pulled up his pants quickly, and ran down the stairs and out of the exit door leading directly outside to the parking lot. Bro straight up left his girl there.

She eventually left, too, and I never saw them again.

11.) From Benjaminbuttcrack:

I worked the cameras at a casino and there was a kid (old enough to drink) who was given a free room to stay in because he was about to drive drunk. Instead of taking the room, he checked in, walked out the back exit, ran down a hill, ran full speed along the highway, army crawled his way up to his car, got in, drove off the parking lot, and was pulled over immediately.

12.) From ostentia:

It was a really slow day and I kept getting distracted from the Lord of the Rings fanfiction I was reading by the weird squeaky noises I kept hearing behind me. I finally turned around and there was my manager, a 35 year old man, about 3/4 of the way done with making a balloon animal crown for his life-sized Homer Simpson statue. I asked him to make me a doggie when I was done, and he did--a blue one. I kept it until I accidentally popped it, which scared the shit out of one of my other coworkers.

13.) From justalurkerkthxbai:

One Monday morning, at 8AM, there was a frog in the lobby. Not a small frog, either--a big frog. The front doors were still locked and it was Monday morning, so we had no idea how the little guy got into the lobby. He would've had to have hopped all the way from the back of the building to get to the lobby.

14.) From Tall_Mickey:

This was in the '80s at a bad software company run entirely by men. Wonder of wonders, an extremely competent and popular woman programmer was appointed to a management position in Development.

The younger developers decided to have a parade. She was of Scandinavian descent, so they made for her a horned helmet and sword out of aluminum foil, and made for her a sedan chair out of a wooden chair with a couple of pieces of lumber under the arms for support.

Then they carried her outside on the chair while she waved her "sword," and paraded her around the parking lot at the head of a long column of programmers wearing fish hats and throwing firecrackers. I never understood the fish hats. Edit: And kazoo music. I forgot that.

Those were the days...

15.) From sugarthnder:

Was at technical school, but I had that friend who was setting up a firewall for schools of the region. It meant that he had to check if porn sites were blocked, they were not. Most striking is having my friend and our teacher behind him looking at porn sites during class.

The good old days...

16.) ​​​​​​From raven_darkseid:

I worked in a small office. There was a front lobby area with a conference room off to the side. It was separated by a door from the rest of the office. So I'm sitting at my desk, just working, and I hear screaming from the front lobby area, like straight up someone is being murdered screaming.

Everyone in the office area is freaking out, assuming there was a robbery or something horrible happening in the front. I hear someone shrieking for help, so I'm like okay this is clearly not a dangerous situation, it must be a medical emergency or something like that. I tell one of my coworkers to call 911. I proceed to open the door quietly and walk towards the lobby. I do not see anyone, even the receptionist, but the screaming is still going on from inside the conference room. I slowly open the door and find about 8 people on top of the table, including the owners of the company and a couple clients. I'm just staring at them, seriously confused about what I just walked into.

I look down and see a tiny little field mouse hopping around in circles around the table. I picked the little guy up and became the hero of the day. 911 dispatched a couple of police officers over a tiny mouse. My raise that year was substantially higher than usual.

17.) From AbortRetryImplode:

Work in a small university department that's not related to anything medical at all. Someone left four vials of blood (like the sealed kind from a phlebotomy lab) in our lost and found.
Had someone leave a flier on our departmental billboard that was, as far as we could tell, for a Nazi cosplay orgy....which now that I've typed it would probably be an interesting band name.
And the semester isn't over until you've happened across a homeless person furiously jacking off in public.
Weird shit happens on college campuses.

18.) From GOAT188:

A large heavy set man falling down a set of stairs what seemed to be in slow motion and once he got to bottom he screamed MY BALLS! Then he got up, picked up what ever fried snack he was eating and casually walked away as if it never happened.

19.) From dried_up_waterparks:

I work in downtown Toronto. My job requires that I go to those high end consultancy firms every once and awhile. The big names. You'd know them.

One morning I was walking into the building for an all day meeting. Normal fall day. Cold.

The lobby was beautiful as always. Chandelier. Big glass windows. As I headed over the elevators I looked towards a commotion at the door.

A well groomed, middle aged, man was screaming at the top of his lungs by the revolving door. Naked. Totally. Naked. His suit was neatly folded on a bench and he had just lost it.

Apparently he was a partner at this firm and the stress got to him. He just... Snapped.

20.) From gabezermeno:

Our office shares a bathroom with the Dental office next door. The densist is a weirdo. I'll walk in and he will jump like he was doing something he wasn't supposed to. There are other things but he comes off as slimy.

(Drugs. He's doing drugs.)

21.) ​​​​​​​From firenamedgabe:

Was in a big meeting in a construction trailer and answer a knock on the door. Two guys look like a coupes laborers, dirty clothes shirts have contractor names on them. Ask for a guy with a picture on a cell phone and name a company that’s onsite. It’s a large site with a couple hundred workers no way for me to know. Say I can go get their foreman from the meeting.

At this point one very discreetly pulls a US Marshals badge out of his front pocket. Tells me to get the foreman but not to make any disturbances. The guy they’re looking fire moves drugs, and apparently also finishes Sheetrock for fun I guess. Says they’ve got the five acre site surrounded and if this guy finds out they’re here things would go bad quickly.

Turns out the guy wasn’t there but still pretty weird.

22.) ​​​​​​​From HuhWhatQue:

Two things come to mind from when I worked at department store in college:

- A woman came into the store, went through the perfume aisle, took a few bottles into the layaway storage room, and drank them. This was all right before closing, maybe 10 minutes, or so. Watching this on camera was one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

- Some dude came in strumming a banjo as he followed his SO around as she shopped. I, and all of my coworkers, searched for someone with a camera to see if it was some sort of gag, but nope. Dude just walked the aisles with his girl playing the banjo to keep himself occupied.

Airbnb is a low-key, cost-efficient alternative to staying in a hotel. It's totally normal for an Airbnb host to lay out some ground rules ahead of your stay (no parties, check out by noon, etc), but what if your Airbnb host told you when to take a shower?

A 26-year-old dude took to Reddit's "Am I The Asshole" thread to share a kinda bizarre story that happened to him during a recent Airbnb trip when he stayed in the homeowner's bedroom.

I tried out AirBnB for the first time on a recent trip to NY. I was staying in my host’s bedroom while she bunked with her roommate. I arrived after an 8 hour flight at what would be around 3am my time, but 10pm in NY. Met my host who showed me around quickly, pointing out the bathroom and the bedroom. I told her I was exhausted, so I just wanted to go to bed. I fell asleep almost immediately, and then awoke at about 4am NY time and I discovered a handwritten note had been slid under my door.

He explained that he arrived late at night and went straight to bed, only to wake up to an aggressive handwritten note from his host.

The host's "note" explained that guests are required (?!?) to shower before bed because it's their responsibilty to "respect the cleanliness of my room."

The Airbnb homeowner even suggested that this is "standard etiquette" when renting a room in a shared Airbnb home and penned this lengthy screed about the guest's body odor.

Hi, this might be your first time doing Airbnb so you should understand a few standard etiquettes. Airbnb is hosting so it is very different from a hotel or motel. You need to keep the room clean and free of odor because you are staying in someone else’s room. After your flight, you had a strong odor yet you didn’t take a shower before going to bed. As the owner of the room, the bed and the sheets, I am extremely displeased with this fact. You didn’t respect the cleanliness of my room. Please keep this in mind during your stay. I might have to report to Airbnb if you fail to keep up with the personal hygiene and lower the quality of my room.

OP shared the story to Reddit's AITA because he wanted to know if HE was the asshole for not showering.

Reddit swooped in on the side of traveler and defiantly labeled him "not the asshole."

Despite the fact that the Airbnb host threatened to report OP to the company for being unhygienic, many on Reddit — like tipsywinosaur— told OP to report her to Airbnb instead.

Eww NTA, assuming you didn’t reek of something awful. This is a huge no go for AirBnb. You’d be well within your rights to say something to the company about the host making you feel uncomfortable.

Ordinaryhorse couldn't understand why the host couldn't just wash the sheets?

NTA was your host not planning on washing the bedding between guests?

Halcyonwade added that the host was "out of line" to tell someone when to shower.

This is so unbelievably out of line. Like you said, if she doesn't want the funk of others, she should either not rent out her room or have alternate sheets. I mean, what if a couple is in there hooking up? Is she going to dictate terms on that? She seems to want the income from hosting but at zero cost to her.

Most people seemed to agree that the host seemingly didn't invest in a second pair of sheets and just wanted to make some extra cash with little to no effort at all. As OP put it, "I also think that if you’re worried about people’s funk… don’t rent your room out to others."

'Nuff said.

You don't strike gold without hitting some dirt nuggets on the way, which is to say the path to a fulfilling relationship is often paved with a few unsavorty dates. Grabbing meals with people you don't deeply connect with is one thing, but grabbing a meal with someone who is openly planning to poison their boss is a completely different game.

Sometimes, the best way to shake off the stink of a disturbing date is to share the juicy details with empathetic and similarly long-suffering internet strangers.

In a popular Reddit thread, people shared the most disturbing dates they've been on, and while all of these people dodged bullets, some did more literally than others.

1. OP ate dinner with a Satanist's family in the middle of the woods.

Several years ago I was a very different person. I was pre-occupied with the idea of finding a girlfriend, so I spent nearly all my free time online talking to girls and pursuing dates. Needless to say I got rejected a lot and for some reason got so fed up with it that I decided that “Everyone that wants to meet me is going to have the opportunity to do so.” And by deciding this I got to meet a lot of very strange individuals. But the one I’m going to tell you about now is by far the weirdest.

So, I was talking to this girl online and she was the one that initiated the first contact by commenting on my pictures and saying that she thinks I look good. We started chatting after that, talking on the phone and everything seemed to be just fine, and then she invited me to come and visit her and I accepted the invitation. This was the start of one of the most awkward experiences of my life.

I had to take the bus an hour outside of my town, and I had to ask the bus driver to stop at a location where the bus ordinarily doesn’t stop because this girl lived somewhere remote. I got out of the bus and I met her, and she was dressed like Trinity from the Matrix.

We started walking in to the forest, and right away I start to feel uneasy about this. The road wasn’t lit and there were no houses, nothing, just trees and darkness. We walked in silence since she wasn’t able to hold up her part of the conversation, she replied with one word or just remained silent. I should have turned around at this point but as I said before “Everyone that wants to meet me is going to get a chance.”

After a while a little boy appears on a bike and he rides it in circles around us, falling over every now and then, biking off the road, occasionally hits a tree. The girl doesn’t mind this at all. At some point I have to ask: “Who is this? Do you know him?” – “Don’t mind him, he is a r*tard.” – “What?” – “It’s my brother, there’s something wrong with him.”

The situation starts to become surreal. I’m walking through a moonlit road in the forest with Trinity from the Matrix and her r*tarded brother. Until I finally see it… The House. And this is scene you can imagine is taken straight out of a horror movie. It’s just one lonely house in the middle of the forest. When I see the house my initial thought is: “This is where I’m going to die.”

But I get in to the house, and I meet her father in the door, he doesn’t understand what I’m doing when I try to shake his hand. I don’t think Trinity has told him that she was going to have company over, and I guess they never have company here.

We walked over to her bedroom, and this is where it gets really weird because her walls are black. And on the wall she has painted this Satanist symbol. The room is lit by candles and her bed has skulls on the bedpost. There is nothing else in this room, and then she proceeds to sit on the floor and starts to ask me repeatedly: “What should we do?”

I’m paralyzed by fear at this point, but I have to ask: “So you are a Satanist?” – “Yes, I worship the devil.” – “Do you melt in sunlight? (I actually asked this) she laughed. I then asked: “Is that why you live like this? Because the villagers have driven your family away?” she laughs again. I’m on the other hand is completely serious.

Then her mother storms in and yells: “Stop f*cking, it’s time for dinner. Ey Kent_C_Strait, do you eat goat?” I’m stunned, after what seems like an eternity I replied that I’m fine. But I’m here, with a Satanist in the middle of the forest and the family eats goat. That goat had to have been sacrificed in some sort of ritual to please the devil.

I thought: “Oh, alright, I have to survive this, I have to be polite, these people have to lead me back to the bus stop.” So I put on my brave face, suffer through the evening, I even make out with Trinity just to ensure that I was going to be able to leave.

I get a ride to the bus, she forces me to hold her hand in the car. And the moment I leave the car the texts start piling up, with her telling me that “It feels like you love me.” And when I was secured on the bus I replied: “You will never see me again.”

I had to cut a lot of things out, for example that she spent the entire evening talking about her ex-boyfriend. An alcoholic that never got dressed unless somebody told him to get dressed, that got her number by stalking her for a month and so forth. It’s just the most bizarre thing I have ever been through. What’s your story?

EDIT I see that the top comment claims that this is fiction, I just want to underline that this actually happened. I might have overexerted some parts for dramatic effect, but who doesn't add their own flare when they re-tell a story?

EDIT 2 A lot of people are commenting about the so called goat-sacrifice. In my country it's unheard of people eating goat, it's just not normal custom here. So when someone living remote in the forest offers you a dish you wouldn't find otherwise you assume that they have killed it themselves.

TL,DR I was on a date with a Satanist, whose family lived in a remote cabin in the woods and ate goat for dinner. That I suspected had been sacrificed to please the devil.

2. aks74u got a lecture on domestic violence.

Had a first date where we went to a couple of parks (we were both poor college students) At the last park we are walking back from the trail and we see some cops walking towards us. They stop us and ask if I was the owner of a grey Pontiac, which I was. So they immediately separate us. I am understandably confused. The one cop, who looked very pissed offf the whole time, looks at my date and says "Maam....Is there a problem here?" Seems someone had called the cops on us saying I was in the car beating her on the way to the park. HOLY CRAP my life flashed before me. I thought I was being set up.

Thankfully it was not so, and she informed the cops that I had not hit her. The cop gave a quick speech about the importance of reporting domestic violence and shot me a look that said "I better not ever see you in a dark alley" and left us.

TLDR: First date, got interrogated by the police about possibly abusing my date (I didn't).

Edit: Couple of People have asked for clarification about the whole thing with this girl and how it related to my wife, sorry if it sounds confusing. I had a date with a single girl named "Diane"-- thats the story above. Things didn't work out with us, but she thought I was a nice guy. So she introduced me to her best friend "Kim". Kim and I ended up dating for two years, then ended up getting married. Diane in the mean time meets "Sean" and marries him. Kim and Diane were still best friends. 10 years after Kim and I married Kim had an affair with Sean (which was Diane's husband, Diane being the girl in the date).

3. american46 went on a date with a man who detailed his ex-wife's suicide.

Mine was the date with this person who spent the entire date telling me, while we were in a crowded Mexican restaurant, first, how much he hated his wife but wouldn't divorce her because he hated her so much that he didn't want her to have anything he had, followed by the detailed story of her suicide.

4. ThugLife2012 got involved with a drug dealer.

I had a great date I met on Match.com and I was walking her home at the end of the night and suddenly she started to run away. I started to chase after her and asked her what happened and she just said "Police! I have a warrant out for me." Well when I found out she had a warrant I kept running, but a different direction than she went. I eventually got caught by the cops and I had to spend a good 20 minutes explaining to them the situation and how I was in no way involved in her crack cocaine dealing ring.

5. wintremute accidentally went on a date with a second cousin.

Out on a first date. We're talking about mutual friends, neighbors, family, etc, and LOTS of the names are familiar.

Long story short, I discovered that she was my second cousin. Yay, rural Kentucky.

6. caustic_banana met their current girlfriend during an awful date with another woman.

I was out to lunch with a co-worker and his girlfriend and she needed to know why I was single. She likes to play match-maker a lot and she just HAD to set me up". Oh how prophetic.

So I got this girl's number and on day 1 we have pleasant exchange of information via cell phone (text only).

Day 2, she started texting me a lot more. This girl decides that we need to take turns asking each other anything-goes questions, responding honestly, and then returning a different question. Ok, this is bearable and not that weird. So this goes on literally like all day. From like 3pm until midnight or 1am. Anytime I start taking too long in between texts messages, she texts me random song lyrics from wildly different genres.

Day 3 I am busy with work most of the day and I don't text her until like 9pm at night and she's being a little "moody" expressing her concern about why we werent texting 200 times again today.

Day 4 is date night. I agree to meet her at Buffalo Wild Wings. She chooses the time, I agree, we state that we will meet and whoever gets there first will get a table. 7:45pm is our rendez-vouz time.

I'm early for everything, but I held myself off and waited until about 7:50 to walk in, hopeful she had a us a spot. Nope, not there yet. No big deal. I get a table, have a nice chat with the cute waitress. 10, 15 minutes goes by and I get a text that she is running late. Yeah, no shit. I tell her where I am sitting.

I order a beer to pass the time. 25 minutes have gone. Still nothing. I order some potato wedges and another beer and text her again. She's "on the way". I decide internally that when my beer is done, I pay and leave. Unfortunately the potato wedges and the football on tv slow me down and 45 minutes have gone by and I am just about to find the waitress and pay up...I turn my head. And there is my date.

I was shown a picture of this girl prior to accepting the blind date. Shallow of me? Not really...but I was shown. So it turns out the photo I saw was probably 3-5 years old. Before me is a girl who is easily 80 pounds heavier than her photo, has bright red hair (clearly not natural), and a wonderful powder blue sweater on, to compliment her pasty white skin.

We greet and say hey and she tells me a little bit more about her self and over the next 10-20 minutes she takes me on a magical voyage of vapid, unrestrained blathering. She is one of those people who constantly makes comments about how she is "just so quirky" and how witty and clever she is. And she does these weird, side-ways smiles and strange looks after every sentence because hey, she's just so quirky right?

Eventually dinner happens, and she takes like 35 minutes to eat like 6 fucking boneless wings. After she finishes I make every effort possible to alert our waitress I am ready. This girl was great, she keyed in on me right away and knew I was patiently waiting (and looked like I was being stood up) and was very diligent about coming by and exchanging a quick chat with me while I nursed my beers. I grabbed her, got the bill, tipped well, and left. I just got it all on one bill and paid for this blind date. I told her "you can pay when you take me out next week!" With the most fake smile anyone has ever mustered.

After my blind date finally left and went back to her beater geo-metro, I handed the ticket to my waitress. She took out the customer-copy receipt and wrote her number on the back and handed it to me. I gave an admittedly confused look.

"I was with you for the whole thing, and that was brutal. You're a saint. Let me take you out and redeem woman-kind. Any man who would wait for someone like that for 45 minutes is at least worth that".

Been with her 1.5 years strong!

7. just_hating could not deliver the gross goods.

My first attempt at online dating lead me to what was a strange courtship. When we finally met up one night, she told me she had fantasies about me raping her and doo dooing on her chest.

I hope she has found a life mate. That guy needs to be off the streets.

8. hcgator's wife was trapped on a nightmare date.

Not my story, but my wife's . . .

She was dating me at the time, and I'm Asian. Her aunt set her up on a date with a "good southern white baptist boy" who was apparently a lot better than me. She goes because she didn't realize it was supposed to be a date.

They went to a Halloween event at a theme park. When my wife arrived, she was shocked to find out that she was actually on a date but couldn't leave because he was her ride.

Turns out the good ole boy was more of a man, and by a man, I mean 15 years her senior (she was around 19 at the time). He was also an ex-con and a coke dealer/user. All this was better than me of course.

My wife spent the entire night not just being terrified of the haunted houses and actors in costume and makeup, but being even more afraid of the dude who wouldn't let go of her hand, even though she kept insisting she had a boyfriend.

The night ends with the dude's parents picking them up (he wasn't allowed a drivers license because of something having to do with his drug probation) and him trying to make out with her in the car.

My wife moved out of her aunt's house within days, moved to my city instead (we had been a couple of hours apart) and we've lived happily ever after.

TL;DR - Wife was set up on blind date with a former cokehead.

9. scarhand's date quickly booked it.

This weekend actually, got invited to a party as a second date. Girl met me at the door and walked me to where the band was playing, she then walked away with some guy. I didn't see her for a good hour before I decided to leave. Turns out he had some coke and she fucked him to score some. Guess he did me a favour. edit: I hard time words use.

10. phalseprofits was blindsided at a horrible comedy show.

Posted this recently, but completely relevant:

Hooo boy, this brings me back. 2 years into college I ran into a former high school acquaintance, Charlie, whose dad was my 6th grade world history teacher. I was single at the time and always thought that Charlie was a nice guy, so I was happy to give him my phone number, and pleased when I got a call back from him later that week.

Charlie called to ask if I'd like to join him for a night at a comedy club with some of his friends. Sounded great to me- I didn't know him well enough to feel excited about a one-on-one date.

So I show up to the comedy club (my sister dropped me off and was going to pick me up afterwards- we were sharing a car at the time), and walk in to meet his friends. Turns out his friends consisted of one of his classmates, and his aunt, uncle, mom and dad. I am awkwardly shocked but play it cool, and say hi to my old 6th grade teacher.

Then his mom informed me that they had "heard so much about me" even though I'd only run into Charlie a few days ago. Then she informed me that it was actually Charlie's birthday.

Mother of god.

Somewhere in the back of my head, I was hearing a little voice urging me to abort mission. Then the routine started- some puppeteer/comic musician. It was not music, and it was definitely not comical, but there were a lot of puppets. One of them was Whitney Houston's face, bashing into a pile of chalk dust as "I will always love you" played faster and faster. Somehow this turned into a lot of very graphic jokes about black-guy penises. None of Charlie's family was laughing, but he was totally losing it, and doing that thing where you look at the people there with you to see if they are sharing in this awesome laugh opportunity.

I pretended to have diarrhea, went into the bathroom, and asked the first woman to enter the bathroom if i could use her cellphone to get my sister to come back. I came back to the table, very chagrined, telling him that I was not well at all and had to leave.

TL;DR friendly date was actually a birthday party with my history teacher and black cock jokes and puppets.

11. yakusokuN8 had to do all the conversational leg work.

My friend in college set me up with this nice young woman because he thought we had something in common and would hit it off.

Our entire conversation that night at dinner went something like this:

Me: "So, how did you meet John?"

"School."

Me: "Did you have a class together or did you live in the same building or something else?"

"Same apartment."

Me: "I see. So, what do you do when you're not in class or studying?"

"Television. Music."

Me: "Did you want to do something tonight besides eat and talk?"

"No."

After the date, I asked John what made him think that she would be a good match for me.

"Well, you're Japanese(-American) and she's Japanese (exchange student), so I naturally thought you two would get along."

ಠ_ಠ

12. squishyburger helped out a kid having an awkward date.

So this is kind of the opposite of what this thread is about but it's relevant. So, I was on a date with a girlfriend a few years ago, I'm by a wide margin NOT the smoothest guy and generally I am terrible at talking to women but that has worked to my benefit because I have learned a great deal from repeated failures. So my girl and I are sitting in Olive Garden and we were pretty much at that stage of dating where you can completely relax and just be yourself.

I look over and see these two kids, they couldn't be older than 15, on what is clearly their first date ever. The dude was wearing an obviously ironed dress shirt and tie and the girl is comparably dressed. I'm watching these two for probably a half an hour and the guy is sweating bullets and the girl is so nervous her hands are trembling, it really was adorable. At one point neither of them spoke for fifteen minutes and they just kept looking around the restaurant without making eye contact with one another.

So the girl gets up to use the restroom and I jump at the chance, I wait until she is clearly out of sight and walk over and sit in her seat. The kid looks terrified (I'm a nice guy but I'm 6'2" with a shaved head, beard and muscular build so this happens) I look the kid straight in the eye, " First date?" The kid nods yes, "Dude listen, I've been where you are and you are failing at this. She likes you or she wouldn't be here with you and she is as nervous as you are. If you chill out and relax, so will she. Take a second, breath and when she comes back talk to her about stuff she likes and you'll be golden."

I stand up and walk back over to my table. The girl comes back and sits down and it was like a light bulb had lit up above the kids face, he was super smooth and chill the whole rest of the evening, at one point both of them laughing so hard the girl had to wipe tears from her eyes.

13. Train_Throwaway has impeccable taste in sexual ambience.

I once had sex to a VHS of Toy Soldiers.

Edit - Stay classy reddit. You dirty filthmongers :D

14. Glenathon got coffee with a vampire.

I signed up for internet access way back in '95 when I was going to college and asked some guy to install 'a way to chat and meet people in the area' on my computer. (I was new-ish to computers at the time).

He installed an IRC client and I found a girl who sounded great...blonde hair, blue eyes, 5'6 and goes to the school I went to...even the coffee shop I stop at on my way to classes. We chatted for a few days until we decided to finally meet.

Fast forward a couple of days. Met her at 11a at the coffee shop and...she had fangs. Literally....her canine teeth had implants and were filed down as fangs. She said she was a vampire and she thought we spoke about that during one of our conversations.

No. No we didn't.

No joke - I logged off of IRC, disconnected my internet service and didn't sign up again for another 3 years.

15. CisForCondom refused the opportunity to see photos of a pig carcass.

My bad dates are quite legendary among my friends. Here's a little taste.

I went out with this one guy and it seemed to be going alright. Nothing really screamed crazy. We went bowling first (shhh...I love it) then went out for dinner. During dinner he starts talking about his sister's stag and doe that had been the weekend before. It was a pig roast. Long story short, the guy who was supposed to cook the pig couldn't, so this guy stepped in to help his sister out.

After the pig roast him and some friends went back to clean up, which meant getting rid of the pig. He then began describing to me in vivid detail how they had ripped the pig's carcass apart, pulled it's spine out, ripped it's face off and wore it like a mask. I'm sitting there absolutely horrified (I'm a huge animal lover).

I repeatedly told him to stop, but he was laughing and thought I was joking. He then pulled out his phone and wanted to show me pictures. I actually had to raise my voice for him to realize I seriously didn't want to see pictures of him and his friends wearing a dead pigs face like a mask over dinner.

We did not go out a second time.

Then there was the vehicular manslaughter guy....

16. AllinghamJ went on a date with a neo nazi.

A few years ago, I decided to try online dating. Probably because I was a little bored.

I found it quite annoying, so I quit the same day but not before getting my hands on some girl phone number.

We flirted on the phone for a while and decided to meet the next day. To be perfectly honest, they were already some red flags. But she was still on the right side of the Vicky Mendoza diagonal.

So, D-Day, I went pick her up at her place. I rang the bell and a really hot blonde got out. The pictures I saw were blurry, so I was more than pleasantly surprised.

Anyway, it was around 4PM, so we decided to go grab some coffee downtown.

And as we go down the streets, she starts making racist comments. That made me incomfortable but my penis really wanted to get to know her better, so I ignored it.

We find a nice bar, find a table outside and she started talking about her life.

Usually, I wouldn't have a problem with that, but she never stopped talking about herself, about how her parents are really rich, that her classmates are bitches who are jealous of her, and so many things.

I barely got to say a few words. I wanted to leave, but she was really hot and gave away some hints I might get lucky that night.

So I ignored the red flags, we left the bar and we wandered in the city for a while.

The discussion drifted and she started talking about how the Holocaust didn't happen.

Any other time or situation, I would have called her an idiot, left and deleted her number. Hell, I wanted to. But no, I shut up because sex beats everything, including Holocaust deniers.

I already gave up a few hours of my time listening to all her crap, I wasn't going to let that stop me.

The night was beginning, so I bring her back to her place. On the way, she told me she got a party planned there and that she wanted me to come.

That wasn't part of the plan. The plan was simple. I didn't want to meet her friends. But, hell, I didn't want all that time wasted for nothing, so I said ok.

Back at her place, we drank some rum, make out a little and the guest started coming.

Six or seven of her friends ended up in her appartment, they looked a lot like a gang of bikers, but thanks to all the alcohol I drank, I didn't gave a fuck.

And then, all of a sudden, it hits me. I saw some tattoo on a guy. It was a fucking swastika. I was at a fucking neo nazi party.

I didn't know what to do, so I ended up drinking for a while, listening to them making jokes about Muslims and when it seemed appropriate, I got the hell out of there as fast as I could.

The next week end, I received a text from the neo nazi girl, saying that she liked me and wanted me to come over for some alone time.

I did, I had sex and then, when she was sleeping, I disappeared into the night, never to be seen again by her and her neo nazi friends.

She send me a lot of texts after that, threatening me to send her friends to beat me up.

TL,DR I had a date with a hot racist girl, I ended up at a neo nazi party, and I made it out of there alive.

17. notwittyenoughforthi sh*t their pants.

My first date ever. I went for a blind date downtown. At the time I lived in the suburbs, so it was an hour by public transit. We met up at a Thai restaurant and ended up ordering the same dish. The food was spicy and all the heat came from one pepper per dish. We dared each other to eat our pepper. He spat it out. I didn't.

I took three trips to the washroom within the next hour and drank a lot of milk, provided by the restaurant as a courtesy. The conversation was terse. I felt awkward. Is this how a date is supposed to go? We left and, since neither of us were familiar with the area, we went to some nearby department store to window shop.

We ended up in separate parts of the store, mostly because we didn't have much in common. I'm thinking about how much longer this date is going to last when I feel a rumbling in my bowels. I knew at that point that I had to shit immediately. It wasn't something that was going to be negotiated.

I make a mad dash to the nearest store employee, who informs me there isn't a washroom in the store. The guy is nowhere in sight so I run off to a place next door where they reluctantly let me use their basement toilet. Too late. I sh*t my pants on the way down. I spend the next hour cleaning up in the washroom with an ungodly amount of toilet paper. There's no cell service, so I can't call the guy with some quick excuse. By the time I get out, he's long gone, not that I really wanted to see him at that point.

I was supposed to see a friend around that time but he assumed I ditched. That's not too bad. The worst part was that I had to take the subway back, an hour commute, with a mess hidden in my pants and, oh god, I'm sure people knew.

TL;DR: I sh*t my pants.

18. dmremic's date had a sinister plan.

My date told me her plan to poison her boss. I heard her out part-expecting a "just kidding" at the end of her twisted story... There was no "just kidding".

19. Drenova found out too much too fast.

Met up with a girl from okcupid, then in approximately this order, discovered she was:

1. Larger than she appeared in her pictures

2. Polyamorous (this one ain't so bad I suppose but in the context of the others...)

3. A foot fetish dominatrix on craigslist who also responds to missed connections posts just to troll people

4. Homeless

I ended up buying her some cheap chinese grub and dropping her off at her friend's house to stay at, and on the way there we almost managed to bond over videogames and mind-altering substances. Almost.

20. route66 almost got lice from their date.

Ok, here's the short version of my worst date. Met a girl on a dating site, seems to be the how most of these stories start, eh?

On our first date she invited me to her house. The house was pretty disgusting, dirty and plenty of trash around. She was remodeling her kitchen so I gave her a pass on it.

Next get together was at my house. I think it was our third date but maybe second. Anyway, short story shorter we get intimate and I quickly became aware she had not bathed. She was funky, not like sticky sweet, feminine funky but like B.O. funky. Also the garden was completely unkempt. Now, I'm a child of the 80s so a little garden is fine by me, but seriously shave your stomach and inner thigh for pete's sake.

The next day I get a frantic phone call. "I have bugs," she said. "Bugs," I replied, "what kind of bugs?" "Lice," she replied. "Lice! Like upstairs or downstairs," I asked? "Up," she said. "I'm outside your house right now and I brought supplies."

So, she comes in with RID, trash bags, cleaning supplies and four new pillows. She proceeded to bag everything she thought she came in contact with, throws out my pillows and leaves me with a bottle of RID.

Fortunately, I never got lice. I still keep the RID under my sink as a reminder to be more careful in the future. I never saw or heard from her again and that was fine by me.

tl,dr Lice! Freaking lice.

No matter how hard adults try to be funny, we can never be as funny as a kid not trying to be funny. Kids are natural-born comedians—that's just life. A dad with the username MyUnAlteredMind did an AMA (Ask Me Anything) on Reddit, in which he had his 3-year-old son answer questions from strangers. The answers were hilarious, unpredictable and irreverent, in that way that only a toddler can be. Keep an eye out for this kid—he may just be our future president. And he's clearly already smarter than our current one.

Here are 24 of this 3-year-old's funniest answers to questions from strangers online, as relayed by his secretary/dad:

1.) Question from KissesWithSaliva:

What would you do if you could do anything?

Answer:

Get some juice

2.) Question from LacsiraxAriscal:

Where do you see yourself in five years?

Answer:

4

3.) Question from Rossignol1:

What's behind your eyes?

Answer:

Its just a spider

4.) Question from rennfeild:

i've been trying to make pasta olio e aglio several times. but somehow i can't make the dish "pop". what do you suggest?

Answer:

Some cake

5.) Question from mdhh99:

Why do you sleep?

Answer:

Because i lost the voices

6.) Question from glopop:

What's the earliest memory you can remember?

Answer:

Momma

7.) Question from Wilhelm_III:

What are your thoughts on naps?

Answer:

Grapes

8.) Question from zanyquack:

Will you eat spinach and listen to your dad from now on?

Answer:

Hmmm..no

9.) Question from TryEasySlice:

who's your hero?

Answer:

Superman

Edit: :(

10.) Question from JAZEYEN:

Who's the coolest person in the universe?

Answer:

Me. I am.

11.) Question from KissesWithSaliva:

What's the best thing in the world?

Answer:

My car

12.) Question from PurpleThirteen:

What's your favourite book?

Answer:

The 3 little pigs book

Edit 1: (hes going to find it now)

Edit 2 : hes "reading" it while he eats his lunch now

13.) Question from EdBoy95:

If you could have one super power, what would it be?

Answer:

Flying and punching too

14.) Question from pc_noobie:

What do you like doing with your dad?

Answer:

We need to go to park so I run super fast and say hi to kids.

15.) Question from Ayy_Johnny_J:

What's the most complex thing you know?

Answer:

An idea

16.) Question from HalleRide:

What's your favorite joke?

Answer:

Nothing i said

17.) ​​​​​​​Question from Edibleface:

how much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

Answer:

9 i dont care

18.) Question from Dontshoottherabbit:

What do you think marmalade is

Answer:

Yes

19.) ​​​​​​​Question from Testnutzer123:

Would you like to have a sister or a brother?

Answer:

Sister

Edit: he has a brother.

20.) Question from ​​​​​​​JFW0RD:

What do you want to do when you grow up?

Answer:

Big.

21.) ​​​​​​​Question from potatoflower14:

what is your opinion on america's current political affairs

Answer:

They're superheroes and they're super bad guys.

22.) Question from [deleted]:

Why does my tummy hurt?

Answer:

Because he fell down

23.) Question from [deleted]:

Favorite kind of pizza?

Answer:

A good pizza. I love the good pizzas

24.) Question from JFW0RD:

What's the biggest thing in the whole world?

Answer:

Bear

If you spend your free time watching true crime documentaries, listening to true crime podcasts, and reading up on cold cases, you may be true crime obsessed. These memes will make any crime junkie crack up... OR WILL THEY?

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The Duke and Duchess of Sussex — also known as Prince Harry and Meghan Markle — recently made the announcement they are retiring from their royal duties and heading to North America. If you've been following the drama, hilariously known as #Megxit, you will appreciate these royally comical memes.

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Congratulations on waking up this morning. Let's celebrate this daily miracle with some hilarious memes. There's nothing better than starting your day off with some giggles.

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Good morning, sunshine. Get ready to laugh until coffee squirts out of your nose. It sounds painful but totally worth it. These hilariously random memes prove mornings aren't all bad.

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We all know weddings are supposed to be ~*the bride's special day*~. But one bride took it to a new level by banning a newly engaged woman from talking about her engagement or even wearing her own engagement ring to a wedding.

The story comes courtesy of Reddit's Wedding Shaming page. The woman who posted it says she ended up skipping the wedding — and ended up getting some casual revenge.

The bride made the unhinged request two weeks before her wedding:

So I was going to my fiancé’s cousins wedding on the weekend.

2 weeks ago she messaged me telling me not to wear my engagement ring or talk about my engagement on her special day. I was a little taken aback but I guess she was the bride[.]

But it got weirder when the woman realized other newly affianced guests weren't given the same rules to follow:

I was talking to one of the other girls coming saying I was a little sad since I hadn’t taken off my ring since I got it and she said she wasn’t told she couldn’t wear her ring or talk about her engagement at the wedding infact the bride is happy for her to talk about it and even was going to announce it at the reception. I wasn’t going to be bringing up my engagement at the wedding but you know conversation does come up.

She told the bride she was confused by the double standards — and the bride went nuclear, telling her not to attend.

I messaged the bride about how I was a little hurt and confused and she told me not to come at all then. My fiancé went but I didn’t.

But she at least took solace in the fact that her fiancé was fielding questions about their engagement all night.

All night my fiancé was bombarded with questions. “Where is your fiancé?” “Why wasn’t she allowed?” “How did the engagement happen?” “Do you have a video?” The bride wasn’t happy at all.

People are applauding the karmic justice that the bride was served.

"She deserved that," feellikebeingajerk wrote. "I hope she isn’t invited to your special day because she will probably go out of her way to try and 'get even'."

The woman confirmed that the bride will not be invited to her nuptials.

Many, like nickis84, pointed out that the bride sounds like a nightmare:

Serves her right! In her attempt to take attention away from you, she only brought more attention to you. Plus, made all the gossip about her pettiness. Feel really sorry for the new hubby because I'm sure he's in for a miserable time.

Some said it might be a red flag for the woman that her fiancé's cousin is such a nightmare — and that he still attended the wedding after his partner had been effectively banned.

Said dogballtaster:

Your fiancé going should be a red flag to you. You’re getting married, so it should be an all or nothing deal with the two of you. If someone told my wife she couldn’t attend a wedding, I wouldn’t go either.

The original poster responded, saying, "Stop with the red flag comments":

I should mention my fiancé has a tense relationship with that side of his family so he and I talked about it and agreed he should go and the fact he told everyone the truth as to why I wasn’t there was the best kind of karma.

Good luck marrying into that!

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry haven't explained exactly why they're hoping to move out of the UK part-time and cut down on their roles within the British Royal Family. But that hasn't stopped the entire world from speculating.

Is it the cranky in-laws? The drafty old castles? Nobody knows for sure. But one of the biggest talking points has been the press's treatment of Meghan Markle since she and Harry first started dating.

While Meghan and Harry have enjoyed cheerful fluff pieces and applause from the press, they've also been the subjects of plenty of negative spin. And it becomes even more obvious when you compare some of Meghan's press coverage with her sister-in-law Kate Middleton's.

Yes, Kate had a rough time with the press and critics for years, from her own embarrassing family members to deal with to the Queen reportedly putting her in her place once or twice. She was even subjected to a topless photo scandal.

But these days negative stories about Kate are rare. And even compared to when Kate was getting it bad, negative coverage of Meghan has a distinctly harsher and often racist tone.

Twitter user Eve Cornwell posted screenshots of two headlines about the duchesses' love of avocados (yes, even this is controversial) proving the different tenor of their coverage:

"Do u see the difference now? do you SEE IT," she wrote.

In the story about Kate, the headline gushes over Prince William giving her avocados to deal with morning sickness. But in the story about Meghan, her love of the snack is affiliated with "human rights abuses, drought and murder" and, perhaps most damning of all, "millennials."

So, yeah. Pretty different.

Eve's example inspired the rest of Twitter to chime in with their own evidence that a few members of the press might have an ax to grind against Meghan.

1. Remember how people freaked out every time Meghan Markle touched her baby bump on camera? Well when Kate did the same thing, it was considered cute.

2. Kate's one-shoulder dress "dazzle[d]." Meghan's was "vulgar."

3. Ah yes, the two genders: "sexual" and "introvert."

Via @XoxoLeigh

4. Meghan's makeup is Hollywood and Kate's is "grown up." Aside from the fact that they're almost exactly the same.

5. Kate and William's nanny news is written up with little fanfare, while Meghan's is treated as an all-caps BREAK from tradition — with no mention, of course, of Harry, even though it was his decision too.

Via @thischickabz

6. Kate and Meghan dressed their kids in sweaters from the exact same clothing brand, but one was reported as British and the other American.

Via @thischickabz

7. Meghan got crap for dipping a toe in the fashion world, while there was barely a peep when Prince Charles followed her lead.

Via @thischickabz

So yeah, it makes sense Meghan's following through on every
American's favorite threat: moving to Canada.

Oh cool! Another year where not a single person nominated for the "Best Director" Academy Award is a woman.

In fact, only five women have ever been nominated in the entire history of the Oscars. Greta Gerwig is on that list for her film, "Ladybird," but this year she was very rudely snubbed despite her work in directing "Little Women." "Little Women" is extra painful as it was nominated for Best Picture, Best Actress, Best Supporting Actress, and Best Adapted Screenplay yet somehow completely overlooked in the directing category. Apparently the Academy decided to cap the women allowed to be nominated at 5?

Women-driven films "Hustlers" and "The Farewell" were left off the list entirely which is devastating. To pour further salt on the wound, "The Joker," a comic book villain origin story about a murderous clown received the most nominations out of any film. Maybe we should all just boycott movies?

Issa Rae, star of "Insecure," summed the feeling up perfectly by announcing the people in the Best Director category and following it up with, "Congratulations to those men."

Needless to say, the internet isn't taking it well:

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We live in a youth-obsessed culture that deals in ageist micro-aggressions, and spreads the notion that people gradually become irrelevant after their 20s. The popularity of "30 under 30 lists," while exciting for those included, often help cement the anxiety people feel about achieving external success at younger and younger ages. And while it's great to celebrate people who hit their goals at a young age, the sole focus on young achievers causes many people to give up before they hit their stride.

The reality is, young success is just as much about generational privilege (aka money) and the luck of timing as it is hard work. Plenty of people work hard in their 20s and don't see results until a decade or two later, because the road to success is gradual and requires a lot of persistence and rejection.

Likewise, a lot of people don't find their passion until later in life, so the pressure to know what you want early on can erase the fact that we all evolve with age and know ourselves, and our intentions better.

In a popular Twitter thread, the TV writer and producer Melissa Hunter asked people to share their success from middle age on, and the thread quickly ballooned with encouraging stories.

1. Tracy M is now a published author and a law school student at age 47.

2. Linda Smolkin started drumming at 49, published a book at 52 and is now ready to play in a band.

3. After waiting tables for years, Inda Craig-Galvan went back to grad school at 46 and landed a tv writing job on "How To Get Away With Murder."

4. Roger Tansey became a trial attorney at age 53.

5. Kikimon98 changed careers and became a dog trainer at age 55.

6. Mike Rothschild is excited to release his first book next week at 41.

7. Shannon Swain lost her job after a 24 year career, drove lyft, beat cancer, and now as a 55-year-old works in state leadership.

8. Shelly Hoover published her debut novel on January 24th while dealing with ASL.

9. Heather Owen is back in school for her Master's degree at age 39, while her daughters deal with the tribulations of high school.

10. Paula Stone just published her memoir at 72.

11. Nicolette C Dennis is graduating with her doctorate at age 60 and can't wait for the next season.

12. Emma May is launching her very first clothing line at 48.

13. Jill Hannah Anderson published her first book at 57 and now is onto book number three at 60.

14. Angela Mashford-Pringle finished her PhD at 41 with two teenagers, and seven years later works as an assistant professor and has a book in the works.

15. Keith Michael Preston published his first novel at 51 and is excited to push another one out soon.

16. Elizabeth Marro published her first book as she was turning 60, and was delighted to find out how many authors got their first book out later in life.

17. Kathryn Dyer started filming at 40, after receiving a cancer diagnosis.

18. Ann Tuohy's career is on fire at 60.

19. Jo Taylor has been incredibly busy at 50.

20. Marie Zee started her painting journey at age 60.

21. Lupe Mendez published his first poetry collection at 42.

22. jodisumot started parenting in her 50s.

23. Connie Schultz is releasing her debut novel at 62 and has plans for more.

24. Brian Cutter shot his first short at 47 and is ready for the festivals to eat it up.

25. Nik Knight spoke at her first two conferences at 46, got two essays published, and has a lot more on the horizon.

26. Melissa Jo Peltier published her first novel at 51 and now at 57 is working on a full-length movie.

27. StarRo quit his long-term day job at 39 and as nominated for a Grammy at 41.

28. Melissa Davey quit her corporate job at 65 and just finished a tour with her first film.

29. Michael Eging has gained writing momentum in his 50s.

BACHELORETTE PARTIES = a stressed out bride + 5-15 of her "closest" friends and family members + societal pressure to have the "best" night ever before her freedom is taken away + penis paraphernalia + a male sex worker (sometimes) + copious amounts of alcohol. What could possibly go wrong?! Turns out, a lot.

Bachelorette parties have a bit of a reputation for going off-the-rails, and not always in a fun way. Someone asked Reddit "what was the worst bachelorette/hen party you ever attended?" These 19 women shared their horror stories.

Strap on your penis hats and enjoy the ride.

1.) From Yup_Seen_It:

My first one!

The bride was a friend from school, she's a wonderful person. For context, she is from Ukraine and we lived in Ireland, so I'm sure a lot of what went on was normal for her and just bizarre for me.

So the hen party was to meet at a Crystal Maze style adventure room. We were told to dress comfortably, all in black. So there was about 12 of us total, all but myself and another schoolfriend weren't Irish, so they spoke Russian the entire time. Note, they all could speak English perfectly, but refused to. Also, apparently myself and my school friend (let's call her L) were the only ones to get the "comfy clothes" memo, cos everyone else showed up in mini skirts and heels while we wore leggings and baggy t-shirts. No big deal! We had to group in 4's for the adventure rooms, tbh this part was fine except for trying to work out the puzzles in 2 different languages.

After, a limo picked us up outside. We spent a good 30 minutes posing for photos outside the limo, very cringey poses (leaning over the hood, legs up, "pushing" the limo). The photographer would spend ages setting up each photo, giving instructions in Russian, leaving me and L awkwardly trying to figure out what everyone else was doing. He would bark instructions to us in English about 0.02 seconds before taking the pic, resulting in some of the most awkward looking photos I have ever seen.

The limo brought us to a local park to pose for more awkward photos, there's several where you can see me physically cringing at the overly sexual scenes he was setting up. Literally hands covering my face trying to hide from the people watching.

We then went to the club, a typical loud, overpriced place with shitty pop music, where the MOH proceeds to get so drunk she pissed herself and had to throw her knickers in the bin, then disappeared to hook up with the guy she was seeing. Bride was so pissed off with her she sacked her as MOH and asked me to do it instead. The wedding was the following week, and that is a whole other story of cringe 😂

I'm sure this tame compared to most stories, and it's certainly wasn't the worst night I'd ever had, but the level of cringe is really the lasting feeling I have when I remember it!

2.) From anabelle1221:

About 11 years ago, a longtime friend asked me to be in her wedding to a Belgian man she had met while traveling. She would say things like, “we’re basically getting married so we can date,” and “we won’t have kids for 2 years in case it doesn’t work out.” Um, ok.

She’s a very type A person, also very vapid and very concerned with how people look. She said she wasn’t sure if she wanted her sister to be a bridesmaid because her sister is very overweight and she didn’t want it to “ruin” the overall look. (All this to set the stage)

Anyway. So the other bridesmaids (4 of us total) didn’t really know me or want me to be in the wedding, so they went about planning the bachelorette party on their own. They actually planned a very packed day with pole dancing lessons in the afternoon (I skipped this, didn’t really have the money), then a fancy dinner and a night out.

However, about a week before the party the bride found out that her fiancé had had a bachelor party when he was home in Belgium. A stripper was there. The bride became so hell bent on getting “revenge” that she wouldn’t stop asking for a male stripper for her party. All the bridesmaids felt like they had already spent enough money on her wedding to that point and we all agreed we weren’t going to fork over any more for a stripper.

So the day of the party comes and for literally the entire time she keeps asking where her stripper is, or making snide remarks about us not getting her one. We took her out to this super fancy dinner and she was like, “this would be better if I knew there was a stripper coming” etc etc.

She complained literally the whole night, proceeded to get very drunk, then yelled at us for not supporting her.

We are still kind of friends but I haven’t seen her in a few years. She’s still married to the Belgian and they now have 2 kids together. She still hasn’t gotten that stripper, though.

3.) From unconvincingcoolname:

I was the only one not in the bridal party (8 girls) including grooms sisters who I never met, girls from highschool who bullied me and brides cousins and little sister. They practiced the bridesmaids choreographed dance while I watched, and left me out of pretty much every conversation and activity even if i tried to join, made comments about everything I did get to do. I thought maybe I was being overly sensitive until one of the brides cousins (who I hadn't seen since we were little children) pulled me aside to ask why it felt like I was being shunned by the other girls. After the in home activities were done and they got ready to head to a club I ducked out politely. I appreciate that the bride was trying to include me, we were each other's oldest friends and I think we both struggled with admitting we had grown so far apart. I also cried the whole way home reviewing all the snide comments and nasty looks and feeling like shit that my oldest friends never stood up for me.

We saw each other for the last time at her wedding 15 years ago.

4.) From IStillNeedaSong:

I think the one where I was added as a seat filler. My friend dragged me along because the bride had begged her to bring more people. She wanted strangers to think she had a lot of friends to celebrate with, I guess. It was awkward so I bailed early and the bride got upset her numbers were going down

5.) From eloveandapplesauce:

My cousin had a Pure Romance party at her bachelorette party. Which meant a consultant selling vibrators, lube, etc etc etc and making people play a very raunchy game of Never Have I Ever. Not only was this my little cousin’s bachelorette, but my mom, aunts and grandma were there. It was so painfully awkward that I just hung out with the snacks and refused to participate, as did a number of others.

6.) From mfldneebs:

This was about 5 years ago and not so much a bridezilla story. The bride to be was my cousin and we've never been close and I didnt know anyone else there, so I felt lonely most of the night. We took a limo to a nearby city and were meant to all go back to my cousins after. The other people were on a mission to get drunk as quickly as possible which wasn't an issue until everyone started fighting with each other over nothing. The MOH smashed a load of glasses and bottles in one bar for no reason and spent the rest of the night screaming at my cousin. Another girl punched her friend in the face and then disappeared, ultimately missing the limo home. While waiting around in the limo for the missing girl, a group of guys were checking it out and started trying to smash it up because we wouldnt let them inside, hitting a couple of the girls in the process. I was able to get dropped off at home instead of sleep at my cousin's and it was the best feeling getting away from it all. The wedding went ahead with no more issues but they ended up getting divorced. I'm dreading the thought of her getting remarried and going through it again!

7.) From JurassicPark-fan-190:

I was in high school when my cousin got married. I was very naive and had no experience with guys. They hired a stripper who kept coming to me and I would just throw dollars to keep him away. At one point he picked up my aunt and she rode him... hard.

Mental images can never be erased.

8.) From Lalasosa:

I was Matron of Honour when my sister in law got married.

A little back history...my SIL is one of the kindest, sweetest humans on the planet. She will drive across town to do strangers a favour. She has hosted and planned and cooked for so many bridal/baby/wedding/bullshit events at cost to herself because she's a beautiful soul of a human.

So, I naturally assumed that the same people that she has helped on numerous occasions would come through for her at her bridal shower.

No.

30 people invited...7 showed up.

I mentioned that shit in my wedding speech by saying something to the effect of: "it's great to see all of you here today..we really missed you at the bridal shower for a woman who has done you all favours in the past. Y'all are real friends".

Yeah...there was a lot of looking at the floor in the audience.

I was so pissed...I still am when I think about it.

9.) From mcmoonery:

My good friend was getting married to the love of her life, another good friend. I was MOH for one bride. I was also seven months pregnant at the time.

I had everything set up, we were going to a male strip club as my friend thought it was funny for a bunch of lesbians and a pregnant lady to go.

Anyway I ended up slipping and falling the day before the party, and gave birth ten weeks early. So the party was off and we never had it. I’m thinking for their 15 year anniversary, we can do a redo!

So the worst because I dramatically gave birth in a snow storm and had to cancel.

10.) From nym4dora:

Ohhhh man. Gather round my children as I tell you the tale of a bachelorette party hosted at the Waterpark Capital of the World...

Many moons ago I was asked to be a bridesmaid in the wedding of a college friend. She and her fiancé had known each other for six months. His family was very traditional, and felt you ought to follow a timeline in a relationship—date for a year at least, then get engaged, then married, then have children. The bride was impatient, and loved her fiancé, and felt timelines were stupid. She announced she and fiancé were pregnant after 6 months of knowing each other, a week later they were engaged.

Anyway, a year after baby is born, they are finally getting married. Bride lives in a very rural part of the Midwest, as do three of her bridesmaids. I was currently living in a big Midwest city, and the last bridesmaid was living in a southern part of the state. Bride’s MOH is also getting married, but a few months after Bride, and MOH is thinking of having her wedding at a huge waterpark. She persuades Bride into hosting her bachelorette party there.

So on a balmy weekend in August, all of us drive from our respective parts of the state to the water park. MOH has planned the whole thing, and she’s promised it will be budget friendly. She tells us all that she found a great deal on a hotel, and that when we arrive, we’ll go grocery shopping for foodstuffs for lunches for the weekend and for booze, as she wants us all to mostly just party at the hotel so we don’t drop money on bars.

Upon arrival, I realize this is going to be a disaster. MOH has put us up in a seedy motel, yes it’s next to the water park, but there’s bars on the windows and a strange film on the carpet.

Anyway, we go grocery shopping. The bridesmaid from the southern part of the state (who we will just call South), tells us all she’s on a really tight budget. She has three kids but she saved money to be able to come for the weekend at Bride’s behest. To do her part, she says, she’ll use her food stamps to pay for groceries. Bride and MOH take total advantage, buying not just stuff for lunch, but tons of snacks, and mixers, and things they feel we “might” eat.

From there, eventually, we go to a small amusement park, then snag some pizza for dinner. After, we start drinking with the booze we brought. Everyone at the party brought a handle of something, and we’re in a good spot. All is well. For now.

The next day we go to the waterpark. It’s fine, it’s run over with children and families, and the Bride is upset we can’t sneak in booze, but it’s fine. Eventually, evening comes.

We had initially agreed to just do something cheap for dinner, but Bride has a total change of heart. She’s now decided that she wants to go somewhere fancy with all her girls. There’s only one place like that in the small town we’re in, and it’s a steak restaurant. The South bridesmaid looks a little uncomfortable but offers to drive.

When we get there, South sits next to me, the other bridesmaids are discussing who and how we should all pay for the Bride. South says to me quietly that she’d told Bride she couldn’t afford something like this and she’d thought they’d agreed not to do a fancy dinner. She doesn’t know what to do. The other bridesmaids are now ordering cocktails. After, I pay for South’s meal while the MOH pays for the bride.

Finally, we all figure we’ll head back to the motel for drinks. MOH has other plans. She says she knows a guy in the next town over who bartends at what she says is a really great bar, better yet, if we go there, he’ll give us bottle service.

South and I protest but are overruled. There are now rideshare apps in this town, so we call a cab—only it’s a van to fit everyone. We drive for 25 min and show up at a bar in a town in the middle of nowhere. None of the other bridesmaids offer to pay the cab, so I wind up footing the $60 bill.

The bar is tiny; there’s a few regulars inside, and a bar table has been reserved for us with a bottle of rail vodka and two very small bottles of mixers. We stay for an hour as MOH and Bride flirt with townies before Bride decides she wants to go to her next bar!

Again, I end up paying for the return ride. Another $60.

From there, South bridesmaid and I barely drink, we are both now watching our budget, but we still have a good time until we get to the last bar and it is bar close. MOH and I are discussing how to get back to the motel when Bride starts bawling, saying she’s so upset that MOH and I are fighting on HER DAY and that it isn’t about US it’s about HER. We are both confused and tell her we aren’t fighting, but she refuses to believe us.

We find a car home, a $20 bill I pay, and calm down the bride. Eventually we go to sleep.

Next morning, Bride is trying to persuade everyone to go to a Denny’s or Perkins with her. Everywhere has an hour wait due to the time and all the families. She is upset by this. So we wait and wait and wait, finally eat, and then, I finally get to drive home. My wallet much later, and much more sure that the wedding would be a nightmare (it was).

The end.

11.) From smokedpearls:

My worst one stems from a very nice but clueless MOH. Used social media to plan the entire thing (which I don’t use save for reddit) so no one realized I never wrote in to say I got all the information since my accounts are still up, it’s just been years since I’ve logged in.

Dates were set, hotel rooms booked, activities planned and it wasn’t until the MOH reached out to me directly did I know a THING about it. I had plans the weekend they chose which I had to move around and cancel to attend.

Myself and two other girls were also in the same boat as me and were livid that we had no say in anything and the hotel was insanely expensive! We ended up talking to the MOH and we agreed to cancel the hotel reservations and rented an Airbnb instead which saved money and also allowed such a large group (bride + 12 bridesmaids!!!) to hang out more.

Everything else was okay, I could have done without some of the stuff on the itinerary but it wasn’t my party so who am I to say anything. Each activity meant more money for me to spend which is really what got me frustrated, but I suppose that’s what you sign up for to some degree.

I felt like an outsider the whole time since I didn’t know any of the other girls well except for the bride. One thing it did solidify for me, I am never having a super large bridal party because it just isn’t worth it for me.

12.) From iggynewman:

My own bachelorette weekend was tainted by a guest. My MOH planned a get away at nearby beach, using a family friend’s house. Lots of folks I love, spending the days in the sunshine at the beach = I’m happy.

Days before the event, one of the guests reaches out. Can she bring along another guest (friend has social anxiety)? MOH assumed it might be the friend’s partner, who everyone really likes. She clears it with me. Whatever, I make the mistake of not asking WHO was coming.

Turns out, friend brought along S. I’ve known S for many years and we were really close in high school. But due to untreated mental health issues/isolating herself, S has become very unpleasant to be around as she is demanding and inflexible.

Friend and S show up, S loaded up with a ton of board and card games. S proceeds to monopolize the first evening with said games, and we shrug and agree to play before heading off to bed.

The next day is gorgeous, and as most of us are preparing to hit the beach, S starts dragging out the games for another round and asks what we’re playing. Nope, a lot of us are going swimming while others are wandering the beach. S throws a fit (she doesn’t like the beach or being outside). One thing - guess who hates board and card games? THE FUCKING BRIDE. I shrug, summon my inner bridezilla, and leave for the beach. We all have a great time while S sulks in the house.

The rest of the weekend proceeds that way: the group goes to do something (or a few folks opt to take naps or read), S complains because she wants to do something else (board/card games), we continue on with the plans, and S complains the whole time either joining us or pouting at the house.

At one point, upset again with the itinerary, S mutters “If I knew this is what you guys were planning, I wouldn’t have come.” To which I mentally scream “YOU WEREN’T FUCKING INVITED!!”

Friend and S leave a bit before everyone the last day. S, it appears, has a very different perception of how the party went, thinking she’s made a bunch of new friends. It’s clear though, when friend and S have driven away, everyone else was as fed up as I was.

This party happened a while back. I got married. S was a guest, and her antics at the party were the reason I didn’t make a little table of coloring books/games like Connect 4 or Sorry for my more introverted guests. She left early.

The party made it clear that the S I knew from long ago isn’t the S that exists today. I have distanced myself from her, and only see her when friend invites her. Which is generally nights of board and card games. Ugh.

13.) From mlh284:

My own. My ingenious bridesmaids thought they scored big when they got the piano player from the rib joint to strip (his first) for just 50 bucks. Why hire a pro when this gem comes along, right? When he arrived I thought he was delivering pizzas, little did I know what was to come. Have you ever seen someone stripping to the soundtrack of “Born Free”? I’m talking the SLOW song about Elsa the lion from the 60’s. He might have been born free but he shed his attire and leotards like a bulky robot. But it got richer when one quickly realized that he had NO business taking his clothes off! He danced (if you call it that), hurled himself over couches, rode foot stools and even did a breakout on the dining room table. My mother, mother-in-law and dad’s secretary shrieked and ran for cover. My now freaked out bridesmaids are begging him to stop. Oh no, he had worked out his routine for the entire track and was determined to show his stuff and finish. We are now prisoners of a stripping piano player living his dream, it seemed never ending. Folks were soothing with alcohol and eyes closed shut. Finally it was over, my mother checking the house for damage, not sure she’ll ever see the foot stool in the same light. My darling bridesmaids fessing up to the why, how and what; struck by disbelief. We laugh about it now but the true moral of the story: hire a Chippendale’s. BTW, we just celebrated 36 years of happily every after, with professionals every step of the way:)

14.) From codycodymag:

I live in a very popular party town and have to dodge roving bachelorette mobs all the time. For this reason, I avoid my friend's bachelorette parties like the plague. The worst I've been to was when the bride to be got incredibly drunk, really early on, and ended the evening standing on, and then falling face first from, a wooden bar stool on a concrete floor. She busted her nose and lip and was covered in blood. Kept partying and managed to hold it together through an awkward ceremony, with a puffy, busted face. It was all just stupid and embarrassing for everyone involved.

Best was totally unexpected: bowling with a bunch of nerdy women that rarely party, ending the night at a great dive bar for 80s night and dollar drinks. We drank modestly and danced until we were exhausted. No one injured, puking, or in need of hardcore hangover recovery for the wedding.

15.) From 365Blistering:

Dance party at a meat market bar near a university. Everyone wore super high heels, and those dresses that look like tight tank tops pulled down to the buttcheek crease. You could see one girls nipple color through her dress.

I smoked cigarettes outside all night to avoid the loud, drunken meat slapping to bad rap "dance party" taking place. I had no idea we were going dancing so I dressed nice but comfortable. It was February in Vancouver.

The booze was expensive and since I wasn't dancing I was asked to get pizza. I ended up having to pay for it since everyone else was so drunk and had to close one girls tab too. I had to call a cab. I had to make sure everyone gotnhome. We had one girl bring a guy back. And everyone but me was sloppy drunk from 9pm on. I was relatively sober. I cabbed home instead of spending the night. No one made it to brunch the next day.

Bride made out with several men that night and ended up dumping the groom before the wedding. She's gay and is married to a woman now. Seems happy.

16.) From heyyyyyooohhh:

A girl that I used to be very close with invited me to her bachelorette out of the blue a few years ago. We had a slight falling out due to her moving away and basically cheating on her then boyfriend with her now husband.

Anyways, bachelorette party times arrive we drive down to the city where the party is being held, her cousin and I are in the car and I ask when the bridal shower will take place due to the wedding being 8ish months away. She gives me a weird look and says I will find out later today. Okay, whatever. Important note, the cousin is only 20 and has a fake. I’m in my mid 20’s.

We get to the AirBnb, I change and get ready to party. The bride could drink you under the table and loved margaritas/to drink in general. I was generally excited thinking our friendship was about to turn around and we would be close again. I was a 100% wrong! Turns out the bride is pregnant, and announces it via a cake that says “surprises bitches I’m pregnant” apparently most of the attendees knew other than 2-3 of us. The party then went from 100 to 10. No one wanted to do anything other than talk/hang out. Major buzzkill. We go out that night after dinner, and the cousin gets drunk. It’s a touristy town in Texas and it’s in the summer, so they are a little more lax with checking ID’s. She is really the only one having a good time, but the poor girl is getting death stares by the bride and the bridesmaids. The situation escalated to the point the cousin is in tears, so we leave and head back to the Airbnb.

We floated the river the following day, and if you haven’t gone floating, you really don’t do it sober. It’s hot, the river is freezing cold and honestly it’s rather boring sitting in a tube stone-cold sober., watching all these people have the time of their lives. Well I said screw it and I drank, as well as the cousin. Spoiler alert it did not go over well. Especially for the cousin. The brides mom, is now getting involved and instead of defending the cousin or trying to diminish the tension between the parties. The bride invited the cousin, knew she was under age and also knew she had a fake.

Sunday rolls around and the cousin and I clean, pack up and leave early, she is visibly upset. Her aunt, cousin and a bunch of catty girls have been on her all weekend. Bride to be is livid that we would leave early, I could see the writing on the wall and knew I would say something to one of the asshats had we stayed any longer. After a barrage of angry text messages, phone calls and a de-invite to the wedding, we make it home. The wedding ended up being a shotgun wedding, about two months later. They announce the pregnancy about a month after that.

The bride is now pregnant with baby number two and is knee-deep in an MLM. The only time I hear from her is when she is trying to sell me something. 🤷🏻‍♀️

17.) From sunnykl:

Bride was my boyfriend’s sister. I was supposedly invited, but it was left off my schedule entirely. I hung in the hotel room doing my own thing reading books until my boyfriend got dropped back from the bachelor party so smashed I literally debated calling emergency services. This likely does not count as I “missed” the party bus, but I was berated for missing it and general ending of the world later on before I bugged out pre-wedding. You can scroll back in my history and find the fireworks post for more. I was actually fairly kind in that one. I don’t think I even mentioned my supposed invite to the bachelorette that wasn’t.

18.) From SheOutOfBubbleGum:

So the party itself was fine. Pretty standard, had about a dozen gals in a friends large basement. We went to a nice dinner, watched dumb/enjoyable ladies movies, played penis themed games, ate junk etc.

Here’s what killed it. The signature drink they picked was based on the brides favorite candy. It was either sour patch kids or jolly rancher I forget. Anyway, I swear the drinks were half straight sugar, half syrup and a little bit of vodka. It’s didn’t taste awful, but it only took 1 or 2 to give everyone gut rot. And the drinks were weak so we didn’t even get tipsy. So the night ended up finishing way early with sick people.

19.) ​​​​​​​From hannahismylove:

The bride was very down to earth and just wanted to have drinks with friends in a quiet bar. The bride's sister/MOH wanted to do penis shaped jello shots, the sash, the tiara,stupid drinking games,bar hopping etc.

The bride aquiesced...sibling relationships are complicated, I guess. We only made it to one bar, because everyone got so trashed. One of the attendees (who was engaged to a man) made out with another attendee. It was very much an "Everybody look at me! I'm making out with a girl even though I'm straight" kinda thing.

The bride and I ended up ditching them to smoke a joint and listen to music at her apartment, so it had a happy ending. It's been 10 years and she still talks about how much she hated that party.

Sure, kids can say some pretty hilarious things, but nobody gives parents enough credit for their "dad" jokes...

Everyone has at least one memory of something their mom or dad used to say constantly growing up that was either a shamelessly wrong pronunciation or just something downright hilarious. Of course, it's even better when you have gone out of your multiple times to correct them and they insist on the wrong method.

When Twitter user @Sinclair1875 asked the internet about the insignificant behaviors of parents that forever haunt you into a spiral of anger, the thread instantly went viral. Sorry mom and dad, but kids everywhere needed to vent.

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Most people prefer not to think about the wills of their loved ones, since it means you have to think about their death. But eventually, everyone dies, and most people have a will tucked away somewhere - even if there's no money to leave anyone.

In most cases, wills are dry documents that predictably split assets among loved ones. But there are occasions when they get spicy, and a long-standing grudge is shouted out from the after-life.

In a popular Reddit thread, lawyers and surviving family members shared the most dramatic and surprising wills they've encountered.

1. DoctorDanDrangus read the shadiest will.

"To my wife I leave her lover and the knowledge that I was never the fool she thought me. To my son I leave the pleasure of working for a living - for 25 years, he thought the pleasure was all mine." --- Best dis ever. Was in my Wills & Trusts book in law school as an example of people talking shit in their wills (you're supposed to discourage them as lawyers from doing so).

2. Chowderhead1's friend was deeply hurt after their adopted mom's passing.

A friend of mine was adopted at birth. When her mom died, the will gave half the estate to her 'two natural daughters'. My friend got nothing.

Wtf.

3. dougj182's father-in-law saw how selfish people get during death.

My father in law was an accountant for some rather wealthy people. One of them was asking him to assist with writing up his will worth millions. The final addition he suggested was that if the children contested it, they get nothing.

They contested it, for years!

4. nerdychick19's client wanted his daughter to know how valued she was.

We had a client who was a widowed farmer who owned several heavy equipment (Caterpillar trucks, etc). He had two sons who were already working with him at the farm and a daughter who was working in the city. He willed the heavy equipment to the daughter, when asked why since these equipment were essential to the farm. He said that the farm was to go his kids equally but his girl needed to know he always wanted her to join their venture and dispel her notions of alienation because she was a girl.

5. porntoomuch once saw a bereaved wife laugh with anger.

It's very rare to read a will out loud. That's mostly in the movies. Normally I just make extra copies and pass them out to whoever in the family wants to read it.

Edit 1: though the most unusually thing in a will I saw was man leaving a good chunk of money for his mistress that wife knew nothing about. It was interesting to see sadness and anger fighting to win in the wife. She finally laughed and said "what a mother f*cker."

6. TyroneSuave had to make some brutal edits in one doctor's will.

Lawyer here. I once amended a will for a doctor in which he disinherited his son by removing everything he had intended to bequeath and replacing it with a "manure spreader". I didn't ask any questions because changing a will is an easy thing to do. But one day, that doctor will die and his son will have essentially be told to "eat sh*t".

7. nilockmoldred's mom had to try and buy back her heirlooms.

My maternal* grandpa was wealthy. He divorced my maternal grandma, remarried, and promptly dropped dead of a heart attack. He was only 48 and had no will so everything went to his new wife, my mom's stepmother. She was actually really nice and was planning on making sure that everything was "fair"...till she died in a car accident 6 months later.

She was a widow herself prior to marrying grandpa and had a now orphaned 15 year old son from the previous marriage who got everything. My mom and her siblings had to go to the auction at their childhood home and buy back as much of their heirlooms and memories as they could afford (and, truthfully, stole some of what they couldnt).

8. LadyTarTar got to deliver some touching news.

I know, I know... no lawyer here but I had to share. A woman came in after her mother's funeral with some correspondence from the company I work for (Insurance). She was worried there was a bill she needed to pay and was coming to tell us her mom had died. She just looked SO tired, and we got to talking while I looked up the policy to close it out. She shared that in the last few years her mom had slipped into dementia and she singlehandedly took care of her...how she missed her but just was run ragged and she hadn't taken a vacation in forever.

I realized what she had was not a health policy, it was a life insurance policy naming the daughter as the beneficiary for about 50K. I told her and she just started crying..it made me cry and I got up and hugged her and sort of just held her while she cried. She pulled away and said..."I have no idea what she left that for, everything's been paid for." I said, "This might be her telling you to go on that vacation and relax." It was so touching, and she had no idea that the policy existed.

9. PrivateEyesWatchingU's professor had to introduce two secret families at a will reading.

My estate planning professor told us about a guy who had two families, neither of which knew about the other until it was time to read the will. This wasn't like a love child/mistress type scenario, both were nuclear multi-kid families. Both families showed up for what had to be one of the most awkward will reading in history.

I don't really know how he pulled it off other than that he was away on "business" frequently.

10. redbirdsandwords's grandmother watched her sister melt down.

I know you're looking for lawyers and whatnot, but here, have my mediocre will story anyway:

My great grandmother left her daughter "just one dollar and not a single penny more so help me god." This was before I was born, but my grandmother (not the daughter with the dollar) said that when they all read the will her sister had a full blown temper tantrum and no one heard from her since. I guess she had it coming.

11. Luna_Lovelace read one of the creepiest wills ever.

In my trusts & estates class in law school, we read a case about a man who left everything to his wife, but only if she got his body stuffed and left it on the living room couch forever.

Luckily for her, the court invalidated that part of the husband's will. IIRC, part of the reasoning was that it would make it impossible for her to date/remarry if she had her husband's creepy dead body glaring at anyone who came to see her.

12. kooknboo's grandpa was secretly best friends with his "enemy."

My grandfather hated his neighbor. They lived next to each other for 20+ years. I remember well my grandfather raging at every opportunity about this guy. We never saw them speak to each other.

In Grandpa's will he left the guy $10k, a car and golf clubs. We were dumbstruck.

Turns out they were good buddies from the Army. When they coincidently bought homes next to each other they decided to play a long scam with both their families. They actually played golf together 2-3x per week and had a monthly poker game for years.

13. UndeadKitten came across the most beautiful will, full of revenge.

"To my daughter Anne, who created my beautiful granddaughter Jane, and her dear fourth husband John, who laid hands on My Jane, I leave one dollar you money grubbing bastards. To Jane I leave all of my monetary assets, save $5000 and my best gun which I leave to my son Bill, on the condition that he beats John bloody during the time between my funeral and my burial. Jane, bail your uncle out of jail, please."

Other than names, this is the exact wording of a great uncle's will(part of it anyway. At age nine Jane told her mother that John had molested her and her mother told her she deserved it for being a slut. So Great-Uncle took Jane in and raised her, and his two kids got exactly what it says. (His son also got a truck and technically a house, although he only kept it until Jane was a legal adult and could afford the tax on it. Bill got full custody of Jane when his father died and he put every penny of her money into a trust fund to mature when she was 25 because he felt like his sister would try to get the money, he was right.)

And in case anyone wondered, yes Bill got his five grand. He didn't get arrested though because John had a warrant on him so they didn't dare call the cops. Bill did kindly inform the police of his whereabouts a few weeks later.

14. miss-robot's grandmother made a very hurtful decision.

Not a lawyer, but sort of a sad story.

When my dad's mother died, her will stipulated that everything was to be liquidated and the money distributed equally between her children and grandchildren. Fine, but literally everything had to be sold. There were family heirlooms, jewellery, things my grandfather (a carpenter) had made.

So many sentimental family things that my father and his siblings badly wanted, but it all had to be sold. They all went to the auction to try to buy some of the more sentimental items but weren't always successful. It was heartbreaking and I'm not sure what made my grandmother think it would be a good idea. Nobody wanted the money, they wanted her wedding ring and the clocks my grandfather had made and all that.

15. paleperson's great uncle left all his money to his dog.

When my great uncle died he left his belove dog to his longtime girlfriend. All of his money went into a pet trust for said dog, which turned out to be quite a large sum of money. His 2 kids got nothing. As far as I know he didn't have a bad relationship with them or anything, he just thought the world of his little dog.

16. whisperingmoon witnessed people arguing over cat ashes.

One summer I worked as an administrative assistant to a lawyer who worked in wills and estates.

Most of it was the usual petty arguing about percentages of money, but one couple was deeply concerned about which of their children would receive the urn with the ashes of the family's long deceased cat. "Wouldn't want to play favorites."

17. LutherJackson's college friend inherited the lottery.

One of my college buddies dad died from cancer in our second year. It wasn't a sudden death, he had been battling it for a couple years. When my friend came back to school, he casually mentioned that his dad left him and his sister $7 million each. Turns out, his dad had hit the lottery before my friend was born, invested/put all the money away to help pay for college/high school. His mom got a nice chunk of change also.

He grew up thinking they were just ordinary middle class family. We had a glorious third and forth year of college, thanks to my loaded friend. *Edit- he did know his dad won the lottery, but it was never mentioned to him or his sister that it was a lot of money.

18. supremecrafters's friend inherited a golf course.

Oh dear, my first "not me but a friend post."

Someone had left an entire golf course that he owned and managed in secret to his son. They were avid golfers, but always went to another course. I still don't know why someone would lie about owning a golf course.

19. skatastic57 heard about a man who left money to his great grand children.

I don't remember enough of the story but there was a guy in the 1800s that left his estate to his great grand children because he didn't want his actual children to benefit at all. I think they only recently received the money.

Edit: Also I don't think any actual lawyers can answer this because if it was bizarre enough to be noteworthy they'd be giving up attorney client privilege.

20. Paroxysm80 has a hilarious addendum in their will.

My will has something unusual. Story time!

I sat my wife down to have 'the talk' because I was getting ready to deploy to Iraq. This was during the incredible sectarian violence, and I wanted to make sure she knew everything to do in case I died. She's never serious. Ever. But I wanted her to be serious for this discussion because it was damned important.

I get through telling her all about it, and want to know if she has questions.

"Yeah, so... the life insurance. How does that work?", she says. "I don't really know, baby. What do you mean?".

She answers, "Well, do they just put the money in there? When?"

Look, she's not trying to be an a*shole right? Its not like she's just dying for the money. She wants to know the logistics of it. I'm sitting here thinking when she says, "So do they put in my bank account? Or do they give you one of those big checks when you win the lottery?" as she holds her hands up like she's holding a huge check.

Laughter ensues.

I have it written into the will that if I'm KIA, I want the $400K to be given to her with a gigantic lottery check. Have base photo bring several folks over, shoot like the paparazzi as she stands on a stage, and do it. LOL.

5. Queen Elizabeth II, because the monarchy is in crisis as Harry and Meghan give the Palace the royal wave goodbye.

People around the world have been transfixed by the latest episode in the world's longest-running reality show, the life of the British Royal Family. Last week, Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan announced that they'd rather not live at the mercy of the racist British press, and spend more time with their son in Canada (and on Instagram).

Thousands of people applauded Prince Harry for putting his wife and child first and pulling his wife and child away from what he describes as "the same powerful forces" that killed his mum, Princess Diana. Meanwhile, with no sense of irony, the aforementioned racist British press devoted its front pages to calling Meghan a cruel Lady Macbeth who pulled Harry away from his family and country, thus proving their point.

After today's Sandringham Summit, which forced the Queen into a room with her son and grandsons, Her Majesty released an official statement accepting the Sussexes' resignation.

"Although we would have preferred them to remain full-time working members of the royal family, we respect and understand their wish to live a more independent life as a family while remaining a valued part of my family," sounding like a loving Gran.

While the summit seems to have gone well, people are wondering why Harry and Meghan wanting to go to Vancouver prompted a more intense reaction, than, say, the fact that Prince Andrew was implicated in an international sex trafficking ring.

People are also blaming the Royal Family for not standing up for Meghan before it got to this boiling point.

A Member of Parliament running to be leader of the liberal Labour Party has gone as far as calling for a Royal Referendum.

If history is any indication, the UK will hold a referendum on abolishing the monarchy, and then still struggle to implement its result four years later.

4. Jennifer Lopez, because the Academy didn't respect the Hustlers.

The nominations for the 92nd Annual Academy Awards were announced this morning, and they almost exclusively celebrate movies for Boomer Dads, by Boomer Dads. Joker leads the pack with 11 nominations, because to the Academy, a "serious movie" is one for which an actor loses a ton of weight.Little Women is up for Best Picture, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress, but the movie apparently directed itself. Perhaps most shockingly is the fact that Jennifer Lopez wasn't nominated for Best Supporting Actress for her performance as Ramona Vega in Hustlers, a performance so good it made everyone want to climb into her fur.

To quote J.Lo, "f*ck these guys."

Plus, speaking of people who generated "wow, they're actually good at acting!" headlines with their performances this year, Adam Sandler was snubbed for Uncut Gems, but at least he got a good tweet out of it.

3. Gigi Hadid, because she got summoned for jury duty on the Harvey Weinstein case.

Of all the New Yorkers and all of the court cases, supermodel Gigi Hadid walked into jury selection for Harvey Weinstein's trial.

The New York Daily Newsreports that Hadid was at Manhattan Criminal Court on Monday as one of the 120 New Yorkers called for jury duty.

When asked by Judge James Burke whether she knew anybody on the defense or the prosecution, Hadid said that she had met the defendant. "I have met Salma Hayek and possibly Ryan Beatty," she added. "I think I’m still able to keep an open mind on the facts."

CNN reports that Hadid is expected to return to the court on Thursday, meaning that she just might have made the cut.

2. The couple whose wedding photos were ruined by an erupting volcano.

Congratulations to Chino and Kat, newlyweds in the Philippines who hopefully don't believe in "omens."

The couple were married yesterday not far from the Taal volcano, which started going up in smoke midway through the ceremony. According to the BBC, 450,000 were evacuated from the area within 14 km (8.7 miles) on the volcano, and the wedding venue just made the cut.

The show went on, but they did feel the effects of the eruption.

"We could feel the ash raining on our clothes," said the photographer, Randolf Evan. "But it didn't feel alarming until night time came when it became a bit heavier and mud-like."

Better a volcano erupt at a wedding than your mother-in-law, am I right?

1. Cory Booker, because he's the latest dropout.

This is Senator Cory Booker. He was running for president, and now he is not.

He is, however, still dating Rosario Dawson, which was a major theme both of his campaign and the responses to him throwing in the towel. The name "Rosario Dawson" was trending higher on Twitter than his own, which is pretty embarrassing.

Also embarrassing: Disney was hoping Booker would win so they could reboot Cory in the House.

The nature of cults is that they are insular and discourage contact with the outside world. So while we often here about cults in the news, on podcasts, and in The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, rarely do we get to hear from the people inside. Unless they have managed to get out.

Someone asked Reddit: "people who have been born into families who are part of a cult, what's your story?" These 17 former cult-members or friends and family of cult members shared what it was like and how they got out.

Trigger warning: contains references to abuse and sexual assault.

1.) From ComeAbout:

My parents were Scientologist with my dad being a pretty high ranking guy (He “ran” two major cities in the late 80s). They left when I was still young but they used to harass our family a lot when I was growing up.

Made me very distrustful of organized religion in general.

Edit: My mom is now a super atheist and my dad, even though he left 30 years ago, still believes in a lot of the tenants tenets, especially the reincarnation part/thetans. He’s just not active and doesn’t press it on me (or anyone else) in any way.

2.) From JiBBy23:

On the serious, I'll share my story even though it wasn't me or my family directly, but looks like the serious responses are pretty thin in this thread so far.

My closest friend in college (we'll call him C) moved to Cali after he graduated. We kinda lost touch after a year or so. A bit later on, I got a call from his mother out of the blue one day. She must have had to dig just to get my cell number, but she starts off and asks me if I've talked to C lately. I tell her no, it's almost been a year since I last chatted w/ him. She then goes on to tell me to please reach out to her if I'm able to get in touch w/ him in any way. He apparently got involved with some cult, sold all of his belongings, and disappeared without any contact with his previous life. They have a private detective in Cali right now searching for him. I don't hear from either of them again for a year after that.

Time goes by, and wuddaya know, I get a call from C one day. He moved to a new city coincidentally a few hours from the new city I had moved to. He's weird on the phone though. Super outgoing energetic dude sounds like a zombie the 1st time I talk to him. I invite him to my city to spend a weekend to catch up.

He actually drives down, and stays for a 3 day weekend and I don't recognize this dude at all. He seemed like equal parts zombie, depressed, anxious, relieved, all at the same time. It was an awkward weekend, the cult thing didnt get broached once. I was never 100% sold on the "C joined a cult story" but without a single person hearing from him, it wasn't the worst possible scenario of all things I guess. Having him sit in front of me that weekend, it firmed that theory up. So I didn't bring it up that weekend, never have actually. Just tried to make him feel at home, and throw some nostalgia his way ya know.

It's been about a decade now, he's married & a dad now. He wrote a novel, kinda sci-fi fiction. It's about a dude who gets caught up in a cult. Then he transcends reality and time and it kinda goes from there... Anyway, I ain't trying to write a book here, but thought I'd share just the short version of one of the crazier stories I've ever lived thru. Can answer any Q's if anyone's interested.

3.) From Spicyfrijoles:

My ex step dad had a church in our backyard and he turned one of our bedrooms into a prayer room. 4 days a week a group of about 40 would come to the house. They would burn incense through the house, make me "read" candles and say things like I see angels and I see the virgin marys hands.

4 people would sit in chairs, wearing white robes and they would embody certain individuals. My mom would be the virgin mary for example and speak in a monotone voice, "how can I help you my child?"

It lasted about 5 years and then my mom became normal and she tries to forget that part of her life. She was very weak and vulnerable after divorcing my dad and my ex step dad was a manipulator. He left her for a younger woman and started another new family and moved his church somewhere else

4.) From introvertedbassist:

I was born into Scientology. We would go to church often and while I was technically never forced to do courses everyone, family and staff are very pushy on you to attend and do services. Our family disconnected from others when they got SP declares so I would lose friends randomly throughout childhood.

Most of it is reading books written by Hubbard and attending events where people beg/demand money to save the world from psychiatry. They really push on people that the world is evil and falling apart but thankfully you’re a Scientologist and this group is going to save the world.

I stopped believing when I realized how much Scientology operates like a business. “Free stress test!” On every fucking window. Can you imagine if Catholic Churches had gaudy banners advertising “Free confessionals!” Today?

The other event is called the Golden Age Of Knowledge. Every test and bridge level was rebranded and re-edited and they had members purchase shit they already owned. So for years no one was getting Scientology. Instead of apologizing, giving refunds, or issuing credit staff say “Isn’t this great?!” They’ve stolen tens of thousands of dollars from people and there isn’t a goddamn shred of remorse. They just want more money.

I got extremely lucky and had wonderfully friends that helped me get out. I couldn’t have done it without it them.

5.) From dev315:

A distant family member of mine headed a "new age" cult that I got roped into when I left home and went to college closeby. It started out as a group of friends of theirs that I became close to, cause they were the only family around, but then things escalated quickly. It went from love bombing, which I really needed because my family had gone through a terrible divorce and family was never the same after that, to soon after becoming my one and only family.

The cults beliefs were that the love and the connections that we all had with one another were the hope for the future. And the family member who formed this cult was the original creator of everything, and then was supposed to turn everything over to us, the "group" whose love could take things over.

Of course, the group always failed and we were always in trouble, and in order to become right we would have to give away our money and time to very hard, manual labor until we were exhausted. We were so exhausted that anything you told us we would believe.

Well, after a death in my immediate family I stopped showing to the events and meetings of the cult that I normally would, I was given a break. During that break I reflected and realized I needed to get out. I lived on site with that family member so it wasn't easy and I was in limbo for a while... still doing manual labor but not fully committed like I was before. I was working, and I met my current partner who eventually realized what was going on and helped me out. We moved in together and I have since cut 100% of my ties, without ever giving any reason.

I feel a lot of it was dealing with extreme narcissism from the leader, so that is really the best way to get out of that situation. To leave unannounced and abruptly.

6.) From Flamingwingsoftime:

I know I'm late, and I don't know how much you want to know, but my grandparent was the leader of a smallish cult. It was very religious based and the main focus was pedophilia and slavery. My name growing up was Slave 2, and my role was to do all the chores on the farm, all the housework and to please my master. I got out, my body has some pretty horrible scars and I'm okay to talk about my past, though I've lost a lot of friends due to over sharing. I'm happy to answer most questions.

7.) From Ske7ch234:

My Moms parents joined a church when the moved to Columbus Ohio like 50 years ago not knowing they were a cult.

By the time they realized it, it was too late and they condemned the entire family to this fate. They were too afraid to leave because all their friends were apart of this cult now.

As a result, my mom and her siblings were raised in this cult which my mom still won't tell me all the details.

My Mom was adopted and never "swore in". The moment she turned 18 she joined the Army and hit the road.

Her siblings however are still involved (hitting 50+ years now) and they raised their children in the cult as well.

My Mom was excommunicated, and thus i was never exposed to the abuse and horrors of the cult.

My cousin, a wonderful human being, thought that my mom and her family (me included) were terrible human beings because we were excommunicated. After my cousin had been excommunicated she reached out (now we are very close, largely because neither of us have any extended family due to this cult) and surprise! She learned that we're actually pretty great! she shared with me some of her horrors while in the cult.

Here's a few:

1. She was sexually assaulted by her brother for years. When her other brother found out he broke the first brothers leg while he was in the act. The parents only grounded him for a month and told my cousin that she is impure now and can no longer wear white at her wedding and treated her as if the assault was her fault.

2. The pastor threatened her life if she seeked external help for the assault

3. The cult demanded that you attend 4 times a week (classic cult behavior, i wrote a paper on cults for a college course. This is so they can keep tabs on you to keep you in line)

4. The cult demanded payment as "donation" but was essentially a subscription, otherwise you were excommunicated. We're talking hundreds of dollars a month.

5. Her family (father, and siblings) will not talk to her. Her mother sometimes reaches out to say sorry and provide bullshit excuses to make herself seem like the good guy.

8.) ​​​​​​​From Hazie144:

My ex was raised in a cult by his mum. They convinced him he was a warrior of god, he could fight Demons... All this kind of stuff. One of my first interactions with him was his blessing of a ring I wore regularly so I could keep Demons at bay, and us discussing making armored clothing. It was his whole life til he was 16, and he left when he moved home; he still hasn't recovered fully a decade later. I don't know if that's changed in the last 3 months, but I hope he gets past this "I must be a warrior" thing soon; it was tearing him apart, mentally and physically.

9.) From uberdonkey9:

It’s not a super extreme cult or anything, but I was part of a group called “The People of Praise” until I was 12 (my parents are technically still part of it, but when I turned 18 I was no longer bound by the Covenant). I met some nice people through it but the structure and beliefs are pretty messed up.

Basically, the father is the “head” of each family and is in charge of the wife and children, and then a higher up “head” is assigned to “advise” each family. We had to go to a 2 hour long meeting every Sunday (after our regular catholic mass) and they were really big on speaking in tongues and laying on of hands (got groped by several older male members as a kid). My brother and I were also babysat by a man who later got arrested for possessing hella child pornography and my dad +grandparents defended him- awesome 😎 (/s)!

They also encouraged us to recruit our non-member friends and cut them off if they weren’t interested. There were also a lot of arranged “courtships” between young couples.

I didn’t really think about it until recently, but now that I think back, it explains why I feel so distrustful of organized religion and also why I hate being touched. Yikes :))

10.) ​​​​​​​From EvilGingerSanta:

I was born into a pretty big cult. Been out for 4 years but the damage never really goes away. It leaves you without a family, without any ability to make or maintain friendships, and with an almost paralysing distrust of anyone and anything religious. I would argue that the last one isn't entirely undeserved but it's gotten in the way of a few conversations before.

Got years of counselling and therapy ahead of me to unpick the mess they made of me.

11.) From cuntfessions:

My grandparents basically run a cult. I grew up in isolation and didn't get out until I was 18. It took some time understanding how to "fit in" with normal people. Losing the "foundation" I was raised on was really hard and made me very unstable during my late teens early 20's. We were raised to do nothing but work (physical labor), which has actually come in very handy. I'm still a major loner, which is difficult because I think I'm slightly more extroverted than introverted, but I just have a hard time trusting and opening up to people. I have scars that make people uncomfortable.

Navigating my family's weird demands and emotional abuse made me quite aware, so I've adapted quickly. Also, knowing all the psychological tricks that they used on us and others has made me really good at persuasion and marketing. I'm weary of being manipulative though, so I try to be as straight forward as possible bc it makes me feel gross. I'm basically 25 now and have a degree and a job and a spouse.

Despite the fact that family left the cult, we still aren't close and I don't think we ever will be. Too much at stake. What if one them goes back, etc... I was surprised at the ease of which they let us leave. My grandparents have about 20 other followers. All related to each other, but none related to my grandparents. There's a lot of obvious incest going on. The third generation is quite.... Unfortunate.

12.) From chickennugtits:

My ex-boyfriend and his sister were born into a cult.
His father was (and still kinda is?) a biblical literal-ist, and his mother just complied religiously... pun intended.

So basically biblical literalism speaks for itself, but to clarify, it's an interpretation of the Bible where one takes every single thing literally, even when it's supposed to be figurative or whatever. That's what got his father into their mess, and the mother didn't have the guts/brains to speak up. Instead, she let her husband raise their children under the cult. Didn't really have a choice, no, but I do not pity her.

Their cult wasn't "insane" or "interesting" like how you see other cults in movies or magazines. Don't get me wrong, it was fucked up in its own way, but it wasn't the type of cult where they do horrendous, despicable acts with children or anything. This cult's whole foundation was built on control. Just like you'd see some Christians preach about literalism and strictness, that's what they did. You could only wear certain fabrics, colors, styles. Everything they ate was in accordance to biblical law, like, no eating animals with hooves? So no hot dogs or some shit haha. You couldn't listen to music (except for hymns at church), so when I tell you that I was constantly putting my ex on to music I grew up with... it was just crazy to me, but understandable all the same. At one point we were listening to Bohemian Rhapsody and he looked me in the eyes and said, "This song is actually really good, who sings this again?"
Anyways, there was a plethora of rules to obey and commands to follow. Boys were to play with boys, girls were to play with girls. No child was to be outside later than 4:00 P.M. You had to write your prayers down in a prayer journal that was reviewed by elders, or overseers I think he called them? And education was basically this big, unofficial homeschool group, the rules were just as lame there. Kids were not to speak unless spoken to, lots of physical consequences, blah blah blah. I don't know much about how it works throughout the teenage years because his parents divorced and were kicked out of the cult, or they managed to leave before they got a divorce? I don't remember. I want to say the latter because then I'd be more keen on knowing what happens when you're thrown out. Regardless, it was his father who came to his senses about the cult, but with that he basically disowned his kids and gave them to his mom. This was taken place in PA, so his mom stayed there, and his father moved to FL and now has a bimbo wife and stepson. His father re-entered his kids lives before they both graduated high-school. They have neither forgiven nor forgotten. My ex definitely has PTSD from it all. He only shared the basics, along with a few things that messed him up... but I'm sure there's loads he hasn't processed or shared with me. He gets nightmares and flashbacks, and it's actually really difficult to witness.

13.) ​​​​​​​From Zalikiya:

Ex-Mormon here, in case that counts. Let's see if I can condense 2 decades of bullshit.

I was raised from birth to be a mom. That was my Divine role and the teachings were structured around that message: your job is to birth children. It's the greatest thing you can ever do. Every decision must revolve around making that work. Even if you're broke college students, you must not delay a family for anything.

You're raised to believe that getting baptized at 8 is your choice, but it's never actually presented that way. The lessons are always phrased like, "When you're baptized, this will happen." You're also explicitly taught that you can't get into the "good" heaven unless you get baptized and marry in the temple.

From 18 months on you are taught lessons of obedience, one of which is tithing. 10% of any income for that $124 billion church (and that's just with assets that can be found). 4 year olds are expected to tithe birthday money from Grandma. Tithing is supposed to be paid before feeding your kids or paying rent, and if you do, some miracle is supposed to happen to get those monetary needs met.

Temple rituals involve weird clothes and are largely copied off free masonry. Only temple recommend holders (AKA tithe payers) can enter the temple, so unworthy family members are regularly excluded from weddings. 12 year olds get dunked in a water tank for dead people. These rituals have also been recently changed to remove references to killing yourself and naked touching.

Speaking of changes, the "Most correct book" the Book of Mormon has had roughly 100,000 edits, including a passage that says wicked people are cursed with dark skin. God apparently restored his church on the Earth and then changed it. Repeatedly.

The verbage in lessons involves an us vs them mentality. Non-members, anti-Mormon literature, etc. You are taught so repeatedly that the world is out to get you and that you cannot look at those sources of information that it creates a persecution complex. Any time anyone mentions anything negative about the church, the walls go up and that naysayer is treated like they're making a personal, ugly attack on everything that member ever is.

If you try to leave you are expected to meet with leadership and possibly also missionaries several times to try and get you to change your mind. At church you are taught that people only leave because someone offended them, because you want to sin without the guilt, because you didn't feel welcome, etc. None of that talk is about discovering Ole Joe was a career con man. These meetings are framed around that mentality and you have to go through several of them. If you want to avoid all that, you need a notarized letter explicitly stating you want to leave. A. Notarized. Letter. To. Stop. Attending. Church.

If you try to ghost them and stop going, they send your ministering sisters or brothers to come check on you. As a member you are assigned someone to go with you and visit people (aka check up on them) to see how they are doing and if their needs are met. When you try to leave, these people are usually deployed to bug you and get you to come back.

When parents find out about your lack of faith they try guilting you back as well, but more from the approach of, "How could you do this to me?" If your relationship with them is okay, this hits hard because the heaven aspect of the religion involves eternally-linked families and you are breaking that link. Parents are taught that they will answer personally for apostate children, so they usually try very hard to get you to come back.

There's more, so much more, and some of it uglier than this, but that can be found with a Google search. Basically, this church-cult thrives on guilt and mental manipulation to keep their members submissive and financially profitable. Breaking out of that mental game is extremely hard, and when you do you are hunted down and guilted back.

My personal Tl;Dr: I was groomed from birth to be a baby factory and now I'm stuck in that role with no career prospects. Thankfully my husband is woke and encourages me to be more than what I was raised for. We're still deprogramming, though

14.) ​​​​​​​From moe-hong:

Not me, but my brother went on aliyah after grad school and fell in with Aish and their far-right zealots. He went from being a radically inclusive jewish NYC skater punk with friends of every race and creed to an ultra-orthodox zombie in Israel, where he lives in the settlements, with 13 kids (yes i'm serious ... the oldest one is about 20 now). he says all kinds of racist stuff about palestinians and muslims in general and is super pro-trump. it's really scary. my own family is mixed jewish/asian and there was a lot of racism toward us from his friends/neighbors the two times we visited him ... my whole family is pretty horrified, i'm glad one of our moms passed before they saw what he had become.

15.) From vivaenmiriana:

I know it isnt as culty as other cults, but i grew up mormon.

I had to go through a lawyer to get out. That says a lot right there.

16.) From Lossnphound:

Mine was pretty relaxed as well at around 13 I was able to stop practicing with no resistance. I've notice recently (40 now) in the age of enlightenment that as their numbers in practicing members drop each year they literally have changed their narrative multiple times over the years to try and keep people believing the lies they teach. It's crazy to think how someone can create such bullshit stories all in an effort to gain control, power, and money. It's rather unsettling to think this type stuff has been used for as long as it has. Can't help but wonder were man might be without these delusions stunting are mental development. The cult i was born into in paticular has a rich history of fuckery...

17.) ​​​​​​​From secure_caramel:

We had to go every Sunday into a dedicated place where adults pretended to have a sip at the blood of a very old corpse, that was truly horrifying; the place was covered with depictions of a tortured man on a cross, really glad I escaped this death cult

Warning: spoilers ahead! If you've been binging the new season of You on Netflix, you will definitely "wolf" these memes. They will crack you up and make you realize you're not alone when you realize you've been crushing on/relating to a complete psychopath.

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Extended family can be a real toss-up, some people are blessed with the coolest aunts and uncles imaginable, people you would choose to hang out on your own accord. While others are related to their own worst nightmares, and have to figure out how to navigate the politics of family gatherings without escalating complex emotional dynamics.

In a recent post on the Am I The A*shole subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for pouring wine on her aunt's dress as a way to get her out of the wedding.

AITA for dumping wine on my aunt to get her out of a wedding?

OP kicked off the post by sharing that her extended family is incredibly dramatic, so she was fully prepared to referee any potential drama at her beloved cousin's wedding.

I have an EXTREMELY dramatic, selfish, and b*tchy family. Imagine 20 Karen’s each with handfuls of expired coupons all complaining to the same manager who is too nice to tell them to f*ck off. That’s my mother with her 10 siblings and their 10 spouses. Oh and did I mention they are all strict Catholics? I generally have nothing to do with the lot of them but for my cousin who is an absolute gem I would happily wage war against the Karen’s single handedly.

When one of OP's aunts showed up to the wedding wearing off-white, she was fully prepared to kick her out on sight.

However, the bride opted to allow the aunt to stay, under the condition that OP kept watch on her antics.

One of my Aunts who starts 90% of the bullsh*t showed up to the wedding nice and early wearing off white. I was the maid of honor and asked my cousin if I needed to give her the boot but she said it was off white enough to let it slide. She did beg me to do everything I could to prevent any outbursts or drama though so I was on high alert.

OP spent most of the reception trailing her aunt and attempting to do damage control, however, matters came to a peak when her aunt approached the bride's best friend and his boyfriend.

At the reception I literally just followed my Aunt around putting out fires. I talked to her multiple times asking her to stop starting sh*t (in nicer words) but she kept deflecting and laughing it off. It came to a head though when she managed to get to my cousins best friend who was there with his boyfriend.

Without any consideration for the feelings of others or the spectacle she was making, OP's aunt went on a tirade about how the bride's gay friends would surely go to hell if they didn't change their ways.

This tipped the iceberg for OP, so she acted on impulse and poured wine on her aunt's dress in order to immediately usher her out.

She told him she feels sorry that he must hate himself so much to sin so blatantly. She said that she hopes by being friends with my cousin maybe he will be saved before it’s too late because of course there is nothing but fire waiting for him otherwise. Before he could respond (he has a short fuse when it comes to this kind of bullsh*t and I can’t really blame him) I just straight up dumped my glass of red wine down my Aunts dress. I didn’t even pretend to trip. Then I said oh gosh I’m sorry let’s get you cleaned up and took her into the back and cussed her out. My cousin already talked to her about her friend being gay so she knew what she said was wrong and unacceptable. She did finally leave the wedding after all this.

While OP doesn't regret intervening in her aunt's homophobia, several friends have claimed pouring wine on her aunt's dress was a step too far.

I thought I was justified but way more of my friends than I expected are saying the wine and ruining her dress was too much and I should have just escorted her out.

AITA?

EDIT: I did pay for her dress. The next day before she even asked for it. I promise I can be sh*tty but not that sh*tty.

brownbird8888 thinks OP made the right move in that situation.

NTA. Drastic moments calls for drastic action. Your aunt's off-white dress deserves to have red wine splashed onto it.

Kineth thinks OP's aunt shouldn't have worn white if she wasn't prepare to Tide Pen that mess.

NTA. Sure, you could have been less drastic, but you chose the action that would all, but guarantee that she'd not resist being escorted out.

Besides, she shouldn't have been wearing white to someone else's wedding.

starry_skyz thinks OP was extreme but it fit in this situation.

Overall NTA. With just a slight tinge of being TA.

Your action was shocking enough to silence and pacify a Karen enough for her to be lead peacefully out of a potentially explosive situation. That’s worthy of a slow clap.

Wine on the dress is extreme but please see above.

okay_-_okay has no idea how OP could be considered TA in this situation.

1. ensures inappropriate white dress isn't in photos by staining it

2. defends the LGBTQI+ community

3. tells a Karen off

4. removes Karen from wedding where Karen is causing drama

5. pays for Karen's dress before Karen could even ask

Why would you think you were the AH?

FallaciousCrumb thinks OP should have taken it a step farther.

NTA. OP's aunt wasn't just rude - she was standing there spewing her hate speech at another guest. She deserved meatballs and spaghetti down her dress too, and a fucking salad on her head.

While it's clear the internet supports OP's action against her aunt, the real question at hand is whether the aunt will internalize how her actions affected others and caused a scene.

"Well behaved women rarely make history."

-Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Women rock. That's why this memes list is just for them. I'm not saying you have to be a lady to laugh at these memes, but hey, it worked for me.

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