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You won't believe how Fox News covered the Ferguson protests. No, wait, you probably will.

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"I have a dream that one day I'll be used as a tool by the establishment
to delegitimize protests." (via Andrew Kaczynksi)

Barf barf barf barf barf. I saw this over at BuzzFeed, which has a quick summary of how much time and in what fashion various news networks covered Ferguson this morning. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised by this, but even I expect a little bit of subtlety out of Fox, you know? Something slightly more nuanced than trying to smear the protests by claiming they were violent, unruly (if there was any violence, it was impossible to notice in the live streams) and generally not how you should behave if you're black and have some grievances with the government. As one totally unbiased source put it:

That was my tweet. Am I allowed to do that? Oh well, I'm sure it's still more tasteful than what Fox did. Of course, who am I to judge? After all, Fox News has so vigorously defended MLK's legacy for so many years. Check out other networks' coverage at BuzzFeed - or check out news crews being gassed and forced out of town.

(by Johnny McNulty)


Cop pulls woman over for running red light, ends up rescuing her from homicidal hot dog.

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Reckless eating. 

When Kalamazoo, MI Officer Jason Gates hit his siren after spotting a woman run a red light, he probably thought he was in for a routine traffic stop. A little begging, a little swearing, typical on-the-job police work. Instead, he found the woman choking on a hot dog, and he ended up becoming her hero.

"I just feel like I did what I'm paid to do," Gates said at a press conference following the incident. I'm glad for her that I happened to be there." 

Not only did Gates save her life, but he saved her some points on her license by letting her off with a warning. According to MLive, Gates said he didn't intend to give her anything more than a warning when he approached the car. But perhaps in that tearful hug they shared, he felt the sudden power of a life-giver, and he knew attaching $300 citation would do their bond a disservice. Or, his ticket pad was covered in chewed frankfurter.

There are a whole lot of ways to try and get out of a traffic ticket: politeness to the officer, excessive cleavage, pretending that you're a high level intelligence agent on your way to save the world from an extinction-level event. Of all of them, this one might be the most dangerous, even if this video might categorize it among the most effective. 

(by Bob Powers)

Seasonal

Kendall Jenner threatens to sue the waitress who claimed the star threw cash in her face.

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(Via Getty Images)

It's been two whole days since Cash Face Gate, when Kendall Jenner allegedly threw cash in waitress/actress Blaine Morris's face at Mercer kitchen. Finally -- FINALLY -- we are hearing Kendall's side of the story, and it comes in the form of a lawsuit threat.

On a Twitter account that has since been made private, Blaine Morris, star of the cancelled MTV show Skins, claimed Jenner bailed on a bill and then threw money in Morris's face.


The internet never forgets.

The story was corroborated by an anonymous patron at the restaurant who said that Jenner and Stephen Baldwin's daughter, Hailey Baldwin, were pissed because they were too underaged to drink, and then laughed in Morris's face when going after the pair when they forgot to pay their bill.

Baldwin's rep immediately jumped into action saying,  “They thought everything was paid for. Kendall was polite and asked ‘Does this cover it?’ They didn’t run.” 

Jenner's camp was nowhere to be seen until today.

Finally, Kendall Jenner's lawyer, Marty Singer, responded to the throwing-cash-in-face-accusations by throwing his own paper in the waitress's face: a lawsuit.  

According to a letter obtained by TMZ, lawyer Marty Singer does admit that 18-year-old Kendall and pal Hailey did in fact eat at the Mercer Kitchen and they did accidentally walk out on the bill, but instead of throwing money in the waitress's face and laughing, Kendall was "extremely apologetic" and paid the $33 bill plus a $7 tip. 

Then he got personal, writing, "Although you are working as a waitress at Mercer Kitchen, I understand you are also a struggling actress," adding, "You no doubt concocted a fictionalized account of your encounter with my client in order to create publicity for yourself."

Burn. 

So now we are left in a tailspin without knowing what to believe. Is Jenner a total bitch or a celebusweetheart? Is Morris just trying to ride Kendall's Koattails? Will any of the other restaurant patrons speak out? Will MTV order a new season of Skins? Did you know that a latte at the Mercer Kitchen costs an outrageous $7???

Unacceptable.

(by Myka Fox)

Cops in Ferguson directly targeted news crews with tear gas, dismantled their sets.

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That moment when you suddenly wonder if Ferguson is in Ukraine, not Missouri.
(via redditor kevan)

So, there was huge news in Ferguson, MO last night, unless you were watching the news, in which case you were hearing about Obama's visit to Martha's Vineyard. One of the reasons for this (besides apathy) is that the police seemed to have a zero tolerance policy for news crews. It's almost like the St. Louis PD (who were running the operation) realized that using overwhelming force and military-grade equipment against unarmed protestors in a small American town didn't have the best optics.

Cameras were shut off and crews were told to leave "for their own safety" so that the police could move in with body armor, crowd control tanks (with cool microwave weapons that can make hundreds of people feel like their skin's on fire! You can see them on top of the vehicles in the video) and tear gas to secure a city of 20,000 people. 

Usually they just did this by pointing sniper rifles at reporters from the tops of tanks, or slamming them into drink machines in McDonald's. They decided to take a slightly different route with America's favorite unwelcome news channel, Al Jazeera.

I'll say this for Ferguson police: they have good aim. Cops weren't just having fun outdoors, though, they also came into McDonald's on the off chance that news was happening there. First they came in and told people that they would no longer be answering 911 calls in the area or guarantee anyone's safety. When that didn't seem to phase people, they came and demonstrated just how unsafe the area was.

Hooray. Of course, let's remember that it's not the press that's protesting in Ferguson, it's the people who are upset about the police shooting of the apparently unarmed and surrendering 18-year-old Michael Brown. That said, there's a lot that's happening to the press.

Let me try to address the St. Louis PD in a tone they might understand: Bro, do you even America?

(by Johnny McNulty)

Back to school.

Pace yourself.

Redhead sent home from school because her hair was too red.

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Redheads of the world, unite! (Via WAFF)

16-year-old student Hayleigh Black was sent home on her first day of school this year because her hair was too red. Send in the guards. 

The Muscle Shoals High School student in Alabama has been been wearing her hair in the same bright red color for the last three years, but says no one ever mentioned anything to her about her hair until now. This year, on the first day of school, she was sent home before even making it to homeroom because her hair had suddenly become a "distraction for her fellow students."

Black was dumbfounded, and told WAFF, "I have never had anybody come up to me and say, 'Maybe you shouldn't have this color,' or, 'Do you think that's a bad color?'"

Apparently, part of the school code states that a student can be sent home if they have "hair which has been dyed a bright or distractive color. Dyed hair will be permitted only if the hair is dyed a natural human color."

So, according to the school's authorities, Hayleigh, an A and B student and member of the marching band, is an unnatural and inhumane threat to the public school system and to America as a whole. They didn't say the America part, but I feel it is implied by their Cold War-era rhetoric. Students can can have red hair, but not too red. Who runs this school, the House Un-American Activities Committee???

Despite their accusations of inhumanity, Hayleigh is no commie pinko rebel. She says she plans to change her hair color immediately so she doesn't miss any more class. 

America, land of the free to have natural hair color only, is safe again. 

(by Myka Fox)


Miley Cyrus threw a tantrum in a hotel that wanted her to stop blazing pot in the lobby.

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Miley, seen here on a calmer evening. (via Getty)

Miley Cyrus was staying at the Greenwich Hotel in New York City last week, and despite New York not being one of the several states where it's either kinda legal or totes legal to smoke pot, she was smoking pot in public. There are zero states, however, where it's legal to smoke pot in a hotel lobby, which makes you wonder why she thought it was OK to smoke pot in the hotel lobby.

Hotel management probably wondered that, too, when they went over to tell her that, basically, everyone in the hotel was complaining.Here's what an "insider" told Life & Style (Insider to what? A Miley insider? An insider to the hotel? Just a non-homeless person?). I recommend reading this in the voice of someone on TV re-enacting a crime:

"It was like a tornado hit the lobby. Miley and her posse took over, screaming and carrying on so much that management received a number of complaints."

What number? No one can know. In the chaos, the exact number must have been lost. But insiders confirm it was a number. A number of complaints about pot.

"It was the kind of bad behavior you’d expect from a bunch of juvenile delinquents."

When management asked her to stop, I like to imagine that she replied "we can't stop" and then looked around for a high five. We can't know that, though. What we do know is this:

"She started screaming at them and saying that she’s spent so much money there that they should be glad to have her. She basically threw a tantrum and acted like a spoiled brat."

There you go, everyone. A 20-something who's been handed everything in life acting like a 4-year-old, or a 40-year-old banker whose reservation got lost at Cipriani. Is there anything good we can say about her? Well, she does have a tiny pig.

So, there's that.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Broadway's cast of 'Aladdin' honors Robin Williams with a one-time-only audience sing-a-long.

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Can your friends do this?

The night after Robin Williams died, the Broadway production of Disney's Alladin closed out their show by honoring the man who originated the role of Genie with a group sing-a-long.

James Iglehart, who won a Tony for the role, praised Williams for being "one of the greatest — not comedians — but one of the greatest entertainers of all time,” and then led the audience in a quick rendition of "Friend Like Me."

Everyone's Playbills that night included lyrics so that they could participate in the one-time-only memorial.

When Aladdin originally came out as a Disney animated feature, The New Yorker reviewed it saying, "What makes this animated feature such intense, giddy fun is the eruption of uninhibited parody that Robin Williams provides as the voice of the Genie."

(by Myka Fox)

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - August 14, 2014

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1. Ferguson Police Enact Brilliant Plan To Build Public Support By Harassing Media

The media learned a valuable lesson in how to cover instances of possible police abuse and corruption yesterday when Missouri police roughed up and detained reporters from two different news organizations inside a McDonalds, and targeting another news organization with tear gas while they were attempting to cover a protest outside. Since then, all the news concerning their response to the mysterious death of Michael Brown has been incredibly positive. Great PR work!


2. Kim Kardashian And Kanye West Get Head Start On Ruining Their Daughter — One-Year-Old North Poses In First Fashion Shoot

Despite clearly needing to lose a few pounds of baby fat, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's 13-month-old daughter North was photographed for her very first fashion shoot with a Chanel brooch and purse.


3. Oxford Dictionary Adds 'YOLO,' 'Cray' and 'Amazeballs' In Effort To Appeal To People  Who Do Not Like Words

The new edition of the Oxford Dictionaries will feature a slew of new millennial-friendly word-like things. "YOLO," "amazeballs," "cray," "clickbait" and "adorbs" are among the many slang terms which will be receiving undue validity going forward.


4. 'Entourage' Predicted Fake-Seeming 'Aquaman' Movie Eight Years Ago

The popular maxim "As Entourage goes, so goes the world" has never been more true than today. Warner Bros. currently has two competing screenplays in development for what will ultimately be a stand-alone Aquaman feature film. It will fit within the same franchise as last year's Man of Steel and the upcoming Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, and will star that guy who play Khal Drogo on Game of Thrones. As you may remember, this film was predicted on the HBO series back in 2006:


5. Dolphins And Whales 'Squeal With Delight' With Same Intensity As Dudes In Batman Masks At Comic-Con

New research finds that cetaceans such as dolphins and whales will 'squeal with delight' after completing a task given to them by a trainer or in anticipation of receiving a food treat. Very similar behaviors have been observed in fedora-wearing neck-beards when they get an oblique reference to a comic book or are offered a piece of bacon.


(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Coca-cola boldly suggests pairing its classic beverage with a popular rave drug.

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Why do I suddenly feel the urge to take my clothes off? You look beautiful. (VIa)

Is Coca-Cola finally going back to its routes of lacing their classic beverage with stimulants? Or, is this, as Tyler Lemco from Epic Meal Time notes, a "grave oversight by the marketing department at Coca-Cola"?

Obviously, putting Molly on a bottle of Coke is part of their share a coke campaign, but Molly is also a street name for MDMA, the active ingredient in ecstasy, current drug of choice in the rap game and general party favorite. Sorry for talking down to you if you already know everything about Molly, just trying to make sure the dweebs are keeping up. 

Anyway...

Is Coke doing this on purpose? This isn't their first time running a drug-trigger. 


The last legal performance enhancing drug. (Via)

Not exactly subtle. It's kind of the risk someone would take if they were on Coke. 

(by Myka Fox)

We posted a video made by a female comedian, and a lot of people only noticed her boobs.

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"I can't believe we forgot the Internet is full of humans! How silly are we?!"

So, last week I wrote about a very amusing video in a post entitled "Some guy's drunk wife came home and tried to make 'grilled cheeses.'" I wrote about it because I thought it was funny and I enjoy happy drunks trying and failing to make simple snacks. I was very surprised to learn that the drunk wife from the channel My Drunkwife was actually comedian (and Someecards contributor) Ashley Bez! I really just thought some guy started the channel as his way of dealing with his wife's drinking problem.

Look how fun that looks! I'm talking about the food, jerk. Anyway, it was delightful, and it got a great response. However, it turns out that at least some fraction of the people who enjoyed the video enjoyed it for different reasons. Two reasons, as a matter of fact.

Well, it doesn't change the fact that the video was funny and so is Bez and her co-star Matt Gehring. So, go follow Bez on Twitter or subscribe to My Drunkwife on YouTube. Just try to keep your boob comments offline, alright?

(by Johnny McNulty)

A graphic designer wrote a fantastic response when Showtime asked him to work for free.

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#GoFuckYourselves! (via)

Dan Cassaro is a graphic designer and artist with an impressive body of work. That's why he was so offended after receiving an email from Showtime asking if he'd like to enter a contest by submiting a promotional design for an upcoming boxing match at the MGM Grand. Basically, work for free, with a chance of winning a trip to Las Vegas if he's lucky enough to have his art used to advertise a fight generating hundreds of millions of dollars. Fingers crossed!


Please help.(via

Cassaro probably lit up when he read the first sentence of Showtime's email, because, normally, when you're contacted by a major television network who say they're fans of what you do for a living, they usually don't follow that up by asking you to do that very thing for free. Unless it's for charity. As Dan points out in his response email, however, promoting a televised fight featuring Floyd "Money" Mayweather Jr. isn't exactly doing God's work.


(click to enlarge)

Cassaro tweeted the original letter and his response, which went viral because it perfectly illustrates (he is a professional artist) the frustration that many creative people feel when it comes to valuing the work they do. Dan told Buzzfeed:

“The whole thing is just unethical. You would never cold call a bunch of licensed electricians and ask them to do the lighting for an event like this for free. You certainly wouldn’t ask them to hashtag their ‘submission’ on Twitter to drive traffic to your website. To call it a contest is a bit insulting. A contest is guessing how many jellybeans are in the jar so you can win all the jellybeans. … To participate in a contest like this as a working professional devalues the work of everyone.”

Exactly. Asking a professional to work for free isn't a contest. And a trip to Vegas isn't much of a prize.

Imagine how executives from Showtime would respond if they were asked to work for free, with a chance to have their emails displayed on the Internet as part of a story about corporate exploitation.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

One source.


A street magician offered to sell some disappearing weed to a uniformed cop.

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Civil disappearedience.  

You ever get caught with something that you definitely weren't supposed to have by someone who could absolutely mess up your day? In that moment, nothing seems more desirable than the ability to break the laws of physics and make that thing vanish into thin air, right? 

That's essentially the feeling that street magician Calen Morelli is going for in this prank video, in which he seemingly offers to sell a bag of marijuana to a not-at-all-plain-clothes cop:

Right off the bat, let's acknowledge that there's a whole lot to not believe about this video. For one thing, that cop sure let Morelli off the hook with minimal searching, in a viral video-friendly amount of time. For another thing, he allowed himself to be filmed being made to look foolish without so much as a threat of tear gas.

Even if this is bullshit, I don't care! It's still brilliant escapism. I mean, I have a strong suspicion that most of the events in Guardians of the Galaxy did not actually occur, but I enjoyed the hell out of it anyway. And while a planet-hopping, genetically engineered talking raccoon is slightly more believable than a beat cop letting a potential drug dealer walk away without a full cavity search, I enjoyed allowing myself to get swept along in both fantasy narratives.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Man sues doctor for writing in his records that he suffers from chronic homosexuality.

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Don't you mean "Gay Patient"?

After a day of Ferguson coverage, here's another story from the "Wait, What Year Is This?" department. Matthew Moore, a 46-year-old man from Los Angeles, went to the doctor for a routine check-up earlier this year, and the examination turned up some of the standard middle-aged man bug-a-boos: high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and a B-12 deficiency. Also, he was diagnosed with a chronic condition, namely "Homosexual behavior (302.0)." 


It's not just when he smokes chronic, you know. Oh, that's not what it means?

Said Moore, "when I look up code 302.0 and it's sexual deviancy or mental illness, and that code has been removed or suggested heavily not to be used since 1973...my jaw was on the floor."

"At first, I kind of laughed, I thought, 'Here's another way that gay people are lessened and made to feel less-than,'"   said Moore, "then as I thought about it and as I dealt with it, it angered me." Moore didn't dispute the doctor's accuracy in calling him homosexual, but obviously took issue with the fact that she referred to it as a disease. 

If you're wondering what (302.0) means, it's a very outdated medical code that means "ego-dystonic sexual orientation" that was last published in the 1979 International Classification of Diseases, or ICD—basically a big list of everything you can have, numbered. Although for some reason the 1979 text is still widely used today, medical associations started discouraging the classification of homosexuality as a disease as far back as 1973, and it was permanently removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) in 1987. Even in 1979 it caused a big stir: people in Sweden stayed home from work in protest, claiming to be sick with gayness.


I'm sure she is a very nice bigot in person.

That doesn't stop really determined doctors who just want to make their religious point, science be damned, of course. Moore confronted his doctor, LA-based knuckledragger Elaine Jones, who refused to apologize and said that although the cure for gayness "is still up for debate," she defended herself by insisting there are still some small pockets of the medical community where homosexuality is "still being thought of as a disease." To be fair, Jones' employer, the Torrance Memorial Physician Network sent him a strongly-worded apology that distanced itself from Dr. Jones.


Judging by her legible signature, Heidi Assigal is not a doctor.

They also refunded Moore his $30 copay. It's not about the money, though. In his words, "you have to speak up. If I was a 14-year-old in a small town in Indiana, where I'm from, and I had a doctor tell me or my parents that I was sick because they thought I was gay, it would've been very damaging."

Probably as damaging as the discovery that doctors still use a 1979 codebook for diagnoses is to my faith in the medical system. Wait, what year is this again?

(by Johnny McNulty)

Singled out.

There's a pretty obvious historical error in this pic from the new season of Downton Abbey.

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Who's thirsty...for moderately interesting squabbles over dinner jackets?

It's almost time for the new season of Downton Abbey to premiere overseas (and be illegally torrented in America)! For those who weren't turned away by the rape-and-yawn stories of last season, the UK's ITV network is whetting viewers' appetites with some pics from the new season.

Unfortunately, they had to take down the above photo after it was discovered that someone on-set who is very much into hydration might have gotten a little careless.

Shall we pretend we're at our local dive bar and play some Photo Hunt? What's wrong with this picture? 

All true. But we're overlooking one important detail that was overlooked way before we got here.

Maybe they saw it and figured, "Whatever, maybe it's a fancy vase. They were ahead of their time! No one's watching this show anymore anyway!"


Oops.

If Lady Mary were in the room she'd probably compare the bottle to Lady Edith's figure in a manner that is waaay unnecessary.

(by Bob Powers)

Kale damage.

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