Author Kayla Ancrum kicked off a delightful Twitter thread with the "hardest [she's] over been owned in her life," and it resonated with a lot of people who have encountered teenagers in the wild. It seems that some people just have "Resting Nerd Face"...the opposite of resting Resting B*tch Face.
If you've bee called a geek, directly or indirectly, you are not alone.
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Women are supposed to pretend they don't care about silly things like engagement ring costs. But when your ring is only worth $80 and starts tarnishing within weeks, is it okay to complain?
One woman asked Reddit that exact question after realizing her engagement bauble was $80 from the mall.
I want to start this off by saying I’m not a gold digger.
I got engaged 2 weeks ago and was more than happy to say yes even if there was no ring at all. But there was one and it looked beautiful at first until I later inspected it that night. It looked like a normal engagement ring but the metal didn’t seem heavy or feel normal. There was also something stamped inside the band that said “ALE”. I looked it up on google and it brought me to Pandora’s website. I looked through the website and found my $80 ring.
I won’t lie, I’m upset but not because of the money. It’s because my initial thought was that the ring won’t last. No, this was not meant to be a place holder ring. He meant to give me this as my forever ring that I wear for 40+ years.
I confronted him and told him I noticed the ring was plated rose metal and that it came from Pandora. I told him it has nothing to do with the cost of the ring but I was worried it would tarnish and the Cubic Zirconia would get ruined. He said that I initially told him I loved it, which was true. It’s pretty looking.
He then said do I still like how it looks and I said yes but it’s fake metal and won’t last. He said that if it’s not about the money and it’s not about how the ring looks then I have nothing to complain about. He said Pandora specializes in have a bridal ring section and they wouldn’t make an engagement ring that wouldn’t last.
I felt bad after that and dropped it but my feelings were brought back up recently because it seems the metal is getting dull on the bottom of the band. He said I’m not respecting the ring and need to take care of it and not wear it while I shower but to me that seems weird. I feel like whenever a problem is brought up the ring he turns it back on me and makes it a problem with me instead.
Smithjojo99 came through with a quip that belongs on a T-shirt:
[Not the a-hole]. Pandora is the Olive Garden of jewelry.
Cyannocetaetpronon pointed out that there's a happy medium between this ring and Beyoncé's:
Nothing says “I Love You” like an $80 ring from Pandora.
You might not need a ring based on 2 months wages, but it’s not too much to ask to get one that’s going to last until the wedding.
ALittleFoxy points out that spending less in the short term could mean spending more later on:
I chose my ring. Its plated silver with a lab created sapphires. I love it, its gorgeous! But due to my job, the plating is already wearing off. I dont mind, i have lifetime insurance on it, but i do know if i paid $300 for it instead of $100 it would still look brand new.
Louloomo points out that a much higher quality ring can be found for barely more money —
Pandora bridal section? They’re not lasting rings. The metal plating will wear off and the CZ will cloud eventually.
I understand being price conscious but he could easily get a gold/moissanite ring for $200-$300 that WOULD last a lifetime and you wouldn’t have to worry about getting it wet. Take a look over at r/moissanite If you don’t want a clear stone there’s always affordable gemstones that are beautiful. Sapphires are great for everyday wear because they’re hardy.
But also notes that the fiancé's behavior is less than stellar...
I’m afraid of the bigger issue here though. I don’t want to throw up 🚩[red flags] but I don’t like how he’s blaming you for a $80 piece of fashion jewelry falling apart. You told him your concerns about the ring and he just told you that they didn’t matter. This isn’t a good way to start future marriage.
Hope she figures it out — and arms herself with a lot of ring polish.
If you didn't wake up with a smile on your face this morning, congratulations, you are not a psychopath. For those of us normal people who struggle to feel anything but rage in the morning, these hilarious memes are for you.
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Getting fired on the first day of a job is a pretty huge accomplishment.
Whether it's because of lateness, attitude issues or something else entirely, when you lose your job on day one, it's clear you've made an impression.
A recent Reddit thread asked the bosses of the world to explain why they fired an employee on the first day. Word to the wise: show up on time and don't lie on your résumé!
She just left, I couldn't find her anywhere. Called her later at her parent's home and fired her. Mom was pissed... at me. - sonia72quebec
The dude who showed up in pants so tight you could see his entire dick and balls. It was a children's bounce play area/fun zone. We told him to go home and change....he came back over an hour later, with Starbucks, in blindingly white skinny jeans...same issue. Parents complained the first time. - ClerkOfTheDead
The guy signed a non disclosure as we were working around movie sets and production offices. Throughout the day he continuously asked if he could take photographs. Finally, I realized that his employment was not worth risking my own employment or the production companies information. He was relocated elsewhere but, he did not last long from what I hear. - Kataklysym
Guy lied about knowing how to drive forklift. Drove into support beam. - BADMANvegeta_
Pub & bar manager here. New guy's first shift and he was constantly on his phone and going for cigarette breaks without permission. 2 hours into his shift his mates came in and he gave them all free drinks, shots and snacks. Fired him on the spot and he had the audacity to appeal, despite overwhelming evidence against him including 5 witness statements and cctv, not to mention the stock count deficit. - gibbl011
Showed up drunk.
Showed up in sheer pants without underwear. Was a professional setting. It was a guy.
I realize this isn’t appropriate for any gender, I just got a lot of responses that assumed the person was female. Happened to be a male. - LiftSprinkles
Girl snorted in disgust when I asked her to clear a table in her section. Wouldn't be shown how to set a table, and snapped at another manager.
"Do you even want to be here?" I asked.
"Not really."
"OK, grab your stuff, good luck to you."
My boss hired a new lab technician, I am the manager so he had to report to me. At the end of the shift he tried to clean medical equipment with dish soap.. Cuz he didn't want to wait for the machine to finish. Which the other crew would be responsible for.. He tried to microwave blood.. In a microwave for food.. And last but not least he forgot to put someone in the freezer. For five hours. He was such a mess - mangoscape
He interviewed really well, seemed excited to be a part of, kept mentioning his mom (in a “what a nice boy” way). He even brought his mom in after we hired him, she seemed really nice too. It’s not so weird when you consider how small town is.
His first day? He showed up like a space cadet. Seemed to barely understand English, wasn’t making eye contact with anyone but staring off into the distance like crazy, asking if he could take an early lunch 45 min into his shift. Dude was high off his gourd and we politely told him it wasn’t gonna work out two hours into the day. - Drealjas
Chief Officer of a merchant vessel here. Technically, 2nd in command of the ship after the Captain.
A seaman joined our ship while our vessel was berthed in Mobile, Alabama. He was carrying a plastic water bottle during familiarization rounds on deck with the 3rd Officer, and when it was empty proceeded to throw the bottle overboard. My russian captain saw this, calmly asked me to call the seaman to his office, gave back all his documents, asked the agent to book him a flight back to where he came from.
All of this happened in a span of 3 hours. - DarthAdobo
Hired a guy on the recommendation of another employee. He no-call no-showed the first day. Second day he no-call no-showed, but halfway through the day called to tell me that his kid was sick (which I'm sympathetic for because I have kids too), but I had to tell him we couldn't use him. Then waves of abusive texts and phone messages from him and his wife. His final text was super-long and explained how I'd just made it an enemy for life and that he was going to get even by starting up a rival business and putting me out of business. If only he'd put that much energy into showing up. - High_PlainsDrifter
"I know my application said I can work any time but really I can't work nights and weekends." She was hired for nights and weekends. - storm_queen
He was laughing at the ice bin. Admitted he was tripping balls. We laughed. I said you cant work here like that. We laughed. He said, YEA I KNOW. So that was fun.
She stuffed all the 5's from a fresh register (meaning I knew exactly how many 5's were supposed to be there) in her bra assuming everyone who was TOTALLY watching wasn't paying attention. Nobody was gonna shake her down and the police were busy. She made $75 for roughly 30 mins of training.
When a parent has an affair that leads to divorce, it's only natural for the kids caught in the crossfire to want some answers. Affairs take many shapes and happen for a range of reasons, and knowing the scope of what ended your parent's marriage can give an ounce of closure to a painful situation.
Still, because of all the parties involved, getting a clear picture of what went down can be a tricky order to fill. Oftentimes the cheating parent doesn't want their mess aired out further, and the hurt party would rather not go there, so a bit of sleuthing may be in order.
AITA for talking to my dad's affair partner, to understand what happened to my family? Nobody else would tell me.
OP kicked off the post by sharing that the last few years have been hell following her dad's affair.
My last few years have been hellish because my dad got caught having an affair with a college girl. My mom decided to stay with him at the time, they'd fight constantly, but now, years later, they're divorcing.
I wanted to know and understand more, but my parents wouldn't tell me much. They wanted to keep things between themselves.
Since her parents never told her the full truth of what happened, OP directly reached out to her dad's mistress on Instagram.
So this year, I reached out to his mistress. I sent her a message on Instagram to say that I know this would sound weird, but I'd like to talk and understand things better.
And to my great surprise, I got an answer. She said she could talk, she feels like she owes it to me.
Much to OP's surprise, her dad's mistress was open to talk and said she felt she "owed it" to OP.
I had to bite back some of the uglier things I impulsively wanted to say, because I was trying to understand, not fight.
The woman shared that the affair started when she was 18 and desperately needed money. She had signed up for a sugar baby website to supplement her income when she happened upon OP's dad.
I found out the affair started when she was 18 and in college. She signed up for a sugar baby website. She needed money, she had a full ride academic scholarship but money was very tight and her scholarship didn't cover housing over holidays that she needed because her family had kicked her out.
The arrangement with my dad lasted through freshman and sophomore year. She knew he was married but she felt she didn't have options. She was working food service along with classes and was still barely making it.
The woman cut off the affair after two years, once she landed an internship that supplemented her finances. She knew OP's dad was married the whole time and felt guilty, but really needed the money.
She stopped the arrangement when she landed a summer internship that allowed her to save up. But she couldn't get it out of her head.
She'd been feeling a lot of guilt, involving our family and her choices. She's gone to therapy and tried to get her life under control since but she can't shake that feeling.
I came into the conversation expecting to hate her through and through. But I realize, I don't. I don't blame her, she was my damn age at the time and trying to make it work.
I felt better having talked and I think she did too. I don't think we'll keep talking or anything but I feel like I have a new understanding of things, and that brings me peace.
At the end of the conversation OP gained a greater understanding and realized she had no resentment towards her dad's mistress, since she was obviously in a tough life spot.
So everything was great for a while until I had a conversation with my brother and admitted I'd talked to my father's sugar baby. He was like "what, sugar baby?" And the truth came out. He got angry enough that my dad was spending our families money in that way, that he confronted my dad.
However, when she shared the conversation with her brother he immediately confronted their dad and things blew up.
Then my dad confronted me. He was really mad that I'd gone behind his back and met with the girl, he said that this stuff was something he and my mother wanted to keep between the adults only.
I snapped at him and said that if he wanted it to be "adult business" he shouldn't have gotten involved with someone young enough to be my classmate.
OP's dad claimed it was completely out of bounds for her to initiate the conversation, but OP feels it was necessary for closure.
He was even angrier to hear that.
AITA for meeting with my dad's mistress?
A lot of people in the comments are worried I hurt my mom more by going about things this way.
I didn't mention this earlier because the post was already so long, but I'd talked with my mom a lot prior to this, and she always said she wanted to be open and wanted me to know when I was older / when the divorce proceedings had gone through.
But she said that it would badly impact her in divorce proceedings if she could be accused of poisoning the children against the other parent. So she said that she didn't want to have this conversation just now, when we were still young and when the divorce is in progress. She wanted it to wait until all of us (me, my big brother, and my little sister) were older.
After the events in this post, I talked to my mom again and told her everything. And she just seemed relieved and happy and said "OK, so now you know." And laughed about how we'd be saved an awkward conversation later on.
I'm certain she wasn't hurt or sad that we'd sought out the truth, I actually got more of the impression that the secrets she felt pressure to keep were weighing on her.
NTA.
When a parent cheats on their spouse, they are betraying their children as well. You father hurt you with his actions. You are entitled to seek what you need to heal from that hurt. I am happy that things worked out for you, that his Mistress was able to give you some closure, I am also sorry that it was necessary in the first place.
Your Dad is just mad that he is still facing consequences from his actions.
NTA it didn’t just destroy his marriage it destroyed YOUR family. You have a right to know why.
He was mad that you'd gone behind his back? That's pretty rich coming from him.
NTA.
NTA - Your family life which does directly involve you was disrupted and changed due to your fathers poor choice of actions. This wasn't explained to you most likely because your mother didn't want to re-live the scenario again and your father was probably ashamed. You wanting to find out the truth in order to give you peace does not make you an a*shole here. You actually handled the situation very maturely might I add. I wouldn't say the girl is an a*shole either.
She clearly feels regret for her actions and has struggled with it afterwards, however she was just a young adult trying to get by in life. Whilst she partly is to blame, I wouldn't hold too much of that blame on her though, more so on your father. I would say she is not the a*shole (although I'm sure some may disagree). The real issue her is your father, who is the a*shole and I don't think I need to explain why.
PS: loved the line about not getting involved with someone young enough to be your classmate, gave me a good laugh.
What would you do if you were in OP's shoes? Would you seek out answers or leave it be?
Aside from sexual harassment and the wage gap, women often have to find the balance between being overly friendly and passive or being too stern and considered "bossy." If you're a woman who has ever analyzed exactly how many exclamation points to use in an email before you come across as a manic cheerleader, you're not alone.
While there are certainly more opportunities for women in the workplace now, there's always more work to be done. Advocate for yourself, demand your worth and have confidence that you know what's best for your life and career path. When the founder of Riveter, asked women on Twitter about career advice they wished they had earlier, people everywhere were ready to share.
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All advice should be taken with a grain of salt...and some advice shouldn't be taken at all.
People on Reddit are sharing the worst pieces of advice they've ever received, and it's a great rundown of what NOT to tell a friend in need.
"Don't shower often or wear deodorant. Girls like a guy who smell like he don't care. If you smelling clean, you gon' come off as gay or only attract closeted lesbians."
Thanks dude, but I'll stick to regular grooming. I have never once heard a woman say "Oh man, I love a guy who smells musty, so hot!"
vpong289 hilariously added: "Remember guys, the first hole you penetrate is her nostril..."
"Smoke cigarettes to deepen your voice."
"All men cheat. All of them."
My aunt said there was no point in leaving her abusive and cheating husband of many years because all men cheat anyway. I know it wasn't direct advice for my own relationship, but it's the kind of sh*t that makes an impression on a girl and I'm glad I didn't grow up around that.
"you might as well quit school and take this job." - My Father
I did.
Got back from rehab, after 3 months of being sober and living with parents, my first day moved back into our house, and my best friend says: “I don’t think you’re an addict, you shouldn’t quit, just take it slow.”
Worst. Advice. Ever.
"You say you don't like or want kids, but you should have at least one just to see if you change your mind."
'All you have to do is prove to the girl that you are better than the man she is with.'
I have some family members that
somemost might consider trashy. They all make very little money, have a bunch of kids they can't support, blow money on stupid shit, do drugs, etc.Anyway, my aunt passed away and each of her 5 kids got sizeable inheritances.
A bit after her passing, my cousin said that he talked to a "financial advisor" who told him to use 1/3 of his inheritance on drugs and lottery tickets so he can "get it out of his system"...
...we all speculate that the "advisor" was his brother lol
"Dont get into computers. Everything that needs to be made has been made" My dad in 96
Destroyed my fascination.
Sprinkle cinnamon around to get rid of ants just end up with spicier ants.
"Just walk away" when I would try to confront a problem head on
"You can't run away from your problems" when I would try following the former.
"Getting a tattoo will destroy your life!" - My now-dead uncle... who'd divorced 3 times, disowned his daughter from his 2nd marriage for no good reason, drove 2 businesses into the dirt, and chain-smoked literally until the day he died... of lung cancer.
“If you’re having an argument and don’t want to talk about it now, just agree with them and bring it up again later.”
....yeah. That’s going to go well, telling someone they’re right and then changing your opinion on them later. This was relationship advice from my therapist.
"If they're hitting you, it means they like you! Who else would risk getting in serious trouble than someone who is fighting for your attention."
It took an embarrassingly long time for me to realize this isn't normal and only because I got lucky one of my partners wasn't actually horrible.
Somebody told me that if I was sad that I should just not be sad. This was on the day after I had to take my dog to the vet to put him down. Same person also told me to just get another dog so I wouldn’t miss my old dog. That’s not how it works.
I have OCD, so probably
"ah, have you tried just not doing [the action I'm obsessed about doing repeatedly over and over]?"
Genius! Why didn't I think of that!! I'm cured!
“Bullies? Just ignore them.”
"Fear is a choice."
If fear were a choice, the human race would be extinct. Fear is an involuntary response to potential danger around us. If we could just turn that off and choose not to feel fearful, we wouldn't care that predators were trying to eat us and just let them do it. Fear is not a f*cking choice; how you respond to your fear is the choice.
Also the dumbest line I've heard in any film. F*ck you, Shyamalan.
Only 3 things are sure in life; death, taxes and memes. We can't make your refund come any faster, but we can make you laugh with these hilarious tax memes.
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"I've just picked up my son from school, witnessed a bullying episode, rang the principal, and I want people [to] know, parents, educators teachers, this is the effects that bullying has, this is what bullying does," she says in the video, which she shared on Facebook as a plea to educators to include more disability awareness in the curriculum.
Bayles told Australian news agency SBS that she was picking her son up at a school basketball game when she witnessed a classmate "patting him on the head like a little puppy." She said: "you could tell he was very uncomfortable but he was so good at trying to shrug things off, he doesn't want people to know how much it's affecting him, he's so strong and confident but it's times like these when you just see him crumble. It was just heartbreaking to watch, it made me feel helpless."
She then filmed her son in the car after the incident. In the heartbreaking video, he tearfully threatens to take his own life, saying he "wishes he were dead." Apparently this is not his first time expressing a desire to take his own life and there have been "constant attempts."
In the video, the mom becomes emotional as she explains that her son is "severely suicidal" as a result of the "constant" bullying at school and in public, "every single day" of their lives. She says she used to tell him "just ignore it" but this didn't work, and now she believes the problem "needs to be addressed," which is why she chose to share the video.
"This is the impacts of bullying! I seriously don’t know what else to do! 😭" she wrote in the caption of the video, which has been shared nearly 170,000 times on Facebook since she posted it on Tuesday.
Bayles says she has received mostly support since sharing the video, but that there has been some backlash as well. "I have copped a lot of backlash for it, i thought twice about deleting it," she said. "But I wanted people to see the effect bullying is having on my child. If I don't stand up and speak out for him, who will."
Quaden has been removed from the school since the video was posted, and will be homeschooled. Bayles said she doesn't blame the school for what happened, but she is calling for more school-wide action to prevent this type of bullying from happening in the future.
"That would solve so many of the problems, I have already spoken about this at the school, it would protect the other kids with disabilities and help make them feel safe," she said. "Even if their whole class does something, a teacher reads a book for example, there's so many things we can do. It should be a part of the curriculum by now."
While your twenties are "the defining decade" to figure out your career path, your preferences in romantic relationships, the city you want to live in, and the way you take your coffee--there are technically no rules and age is just a number!
Sure, your back might start to ache a little more than usual and your hangovers start to feel like you were run over by a very fast truck, but the benefit is that you usually know yourself a little better in your thirties than you did in your twenties.
If you're about to enter your thirties or you're currently enjoying your third decade on this Earth, here are some of the funniest, highly relatable tweets we could find that sum up thirties life.
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Kids are dumb as hell, it's just a fact. Even the smart ones don't know how to drive cars, balance checkbooks, or talk about politics! They are just tiny people figuring it all out, and one of their common methods for learning about the world is doing incredibly scary, dangerous stuff.
While all kids are bound to pull some confounding shenanigans, some kids are more prone towards the dumb and terrifying than others.
In a popular Reddit thread, parents shared the times they've feared their kids wouldn't make it, and adults spilled their own scary childhood escapades.
The second time my 4 year old son decided to steal a knife to remove plug covers then make sparks. The first time he zapped himself and I thought good, now he'll stop. Nope.
Edit: He's outside as we speak seeing how high into the air he can throw rocks. He's now 7.
Reminds me of two stories from when I was younger (told to me by my mum and sis as I can't remember most of them).
There was once a cupboard in my house, above the cooker. I asked my parents what was in it by they just shrugged it off and told me to stop pestering them. After a while they decided it was fun to torment there youngest child by not telling him what was in said cupboard. This became to much to bare and I decided I was going to find out by myself.
So I climbed up onto to the kitchen surface (don't remember a thing past this point) and headed over to the cupboard. I only had my tip toes on the cooker top as that was to only way I was going to reach it. I then pulled it open a bit holding on for dear life. unbeknown to me the cupboard door which swings up is spring loaded. This led to me being thrown off and performing a back flip (well most of one) and landing on the stone floor head first. Trip to the emergency room confirmed concussion and I was out of it for a day or two.
Oh and the cupboard had tupperware in it.
Second story is a lot shorter:
I shouted "MUMMY! MUMMY! LOOK AT MEEEEEE!" and ran as fast as I could into a wall breaking my arm.
TL;DR: I am immune natural selection.
I don't really remember this, but I've been told that around the age of six I downed a bottle of shampoo to see how it tasted. It tasted like nickels. Also, I once lost a charger for my gameboy advanced, so I stripped two wires from an old lamp plug, put the ends on the battery and plugged it in. While it didn't charge my gameboy, it did set it and the carpet on fire which was pretty entertaining.
When I was 5 I was extremely curious as to what a bee sting felt like, so I caught a yellow jacket with a butterfly net. After much pondering of the bee I promptly grabbed the bee between my hands and squeezed as hard as I could. I spent the next hour screaming my ass off in my backyard. A week later I did the same thing because I caught a "big fuzzy" bee and wanted to know if that one felt any different. It didn't. Not at all. This continued for another 2 months.
When I was 9 there were two "clubs" in town: the Upper Road gang and the Lower Road gang; named after the roads we lived on which started at a common point and ran parallel, more or less, while one gained elevation, and the other gradually declined.
We were the Upper Road kids and every Saturday morning one gang would try to attack and control the other gangs main base in the "Apple Wars". Lower Road had a barn, Upper Road had tree house. We both had an abundance of apple trees from which to pick ammunition.
Well, one week one of the kids, brad, from the Lower Road threw a really hard young apple (frowned upon by the "Amberfields Convention") at point blank range right into my eye. He continued to repeat using the questionable ammunition at point blank range until overcome by my allies.
I was left with a black eye and several goose eggs on my head.
I issued a statement that the following weeks Apple Wars would be postponed while we gathered equivalent ammunition to replace our ripe and soft stockpiles. The lower road gang responded that if we acted on this threat they would switch to rocks, thereby disregarding the Amberfields Convention entirely and engaging in an illegal conflict.
In response to THAT the Upper Road threatened to use any manner of weapon available and warned the Lower Road gang that if they crossed onto our street at all, wooden and rock weapons would be given the green light.
So I built my own bow and arrows.
Saturday morning came, and our scouts rushed back reporting movement. Lower Road was on the charge. We fell back to our stategically superior high ground, into the tree house. As soon as they were in range, the Lower Road army began hurling all manners of rocks and apples and crudely fashioned spears. I spotted Brad, I drew my bow, I let loose the arrow that would end the wars once and for all.
To his credit he didn't scream like a girl, rather, cursed like a sailor as manly as a 4th grade boy is capable. A homemade arrow lodged several inches into his thigh. The armies scattered. Once the parents became aware of the "Apple Wars" they seized control of our armies and put a stop to the conflict with totalitarian rule for a time. The oppressive government eventually grew weak, and the armies re-mobilized, but this time united against their common enemy.
Not a parent but I had a special hut when I was a kid living in a large residential area that was mostly still under construction. This was a big square plastic hut that had just enough space at the bottom (this area was later filled in with concrete) for me to wiggle into. I spent hours in it messing around with all the cool metal stuff and the little red plastic things lying around. Only realized many years later that It was the electrical transformer for the whole neighborhood.
This was also during a period of my life where I dared myself to squeeze out one of my windows and slide along the window sill and climb back in the other (1st floor) apparently the neighbors didn't think as much of it as me.
My little brother (age 8) plays with fireworks. Now I don't mean little sparklers or something, he makes his own roman candles and artillery shells.
The funny thing is, he's ridiculously good at this. He went to the local library and checked out a college level chemistry textbook, read practically the whole thing, and took notes. He now knows what chemicals burn different colors, how to get these chemicals by reactions with simple household things.
Best part about this was him asking my mom for 50 lbs of fertilizer for his birthday.
So he's not too stupid, but wayyy too smart to make it past his teenage years.
Not my kids, but when I was younger (<8) I'd play with explosives and fire. One time I set my arm and part of my torso on fire on accident. I was near a bucket of water though, so it's all good. Another time I filled a 2L bottle with dismantled fireworks and assorted bits to make what I now know is a shrapnel bomb.
Another time I jumped off the roof of my 2 story house with an umbrella after I watched Mary Poppins.
TL;DR: I'm 22 and completely surprised I made it this far.
My 14 year old cousin didn't know where his family kept the breakfast cereal.
My younger son, he's 7 now, likes to break stuff. Not maliciously he just likes to stress test something until it reaches the limit point and then edge past it until failure occurs. Maybe he will have future career as a stress tester.
I inhaled the air coming out of a party horn Tore some fireworks apart and set fire to it (FYI, that stuff works like a flash-band) repeatedly jumped on the same spot on a roof hoping it would collapse.. And it did, no idea what I was thinking.
When I was 14 or so my buddies and I decided it would be a fantastic idea to start a campfire on the roof one of our houses...that one didn't pan out so great.
We were just about to go into the glory that is our first Target store opening nearby! I parked, safely crossed the street with the kids and then my eldest, probably 11 at the time, took a flying leap onto what he thought was a large red bouncy ball for sale in front of the store. Turns out to be concrete. Smh.
My kid would not look where she was going for the first two years of her walking career... she'd look everywhere but to the front. She fell down stairs...walks into many things like walls, parked cars...did she learn from it? Not for a very long time I was getting really worried for a while. She just stubbornly refused to check where she was going. She stopped that by the time she was four.
My timeline is all messed up but here are some examples of how smart I am.
Playing with shovels with my brother. 6 stitches on the top of my right foot
Jumping into a well my dad was having dug (we lived in the country) yelling whooohoo hoo hoey like Goofy off Buggs Bunny and friends. Luckily it was dry. Landed face first and broke a rib.
Playing on the monkey bars during recess while it was raining. I hit my head on a pole on my way down, had a seizure while I was knocked unconscious and peed my pants and all the kids made fun of me for weeks. Oh yeah and I managed to break my wrist when I fell too or maybe that was a different monkey bar instance... I should ask my mom.
Threw poison ivy on a campfire. I was in the hospital for a while.
Tried skateboarding. Broke my ankle in three places. I've had two surgeries since and it still sucks.
Just last year I thought I could jump over a trash can at the train station (alcohol was involved). Dislocated my shoulder.
This is only a sample of my escapades.
My parents are still proud of me though. I am in graduate school now working on a PhD in Physics, which at times I feel was another decision detrimental to my welfare.
I was a pretty adventurous kid who often broken, strained, or pulled many ligaments and bones.
My parents had a pool with the neighbors that I'd be paralyzed by the time I was 16. Showed those motherfuckers. I became $500 richer on my 18th birthday when I figured out about it.
Boyfriend of a mother here. My girlfriend's daughter seems to have about a 5% success rate at getting a cover to work correctly for her, in any way. She somehow manages to grab the blanket, pull it toward her and miss, then proceed to scream bloody murder about it. It is both hilarious and terrifying.
I think I was about 11 or so, I was closing a outdoor shed door, above which an axe was mounted. For chopping wood. Don't ask, hindsight tells me that was a stupid a*s place for an adult to put it. But I slam the door shut, axe falls. ON MY HEAD.
I still wonder how the f*ck I survived. Mind this story was told to me by my brother/parents, I remember nothing after shutting that door.
I don't have kids but my mom had to call poison control for me around 8 times during my childhood.
Also when I was around 7 or 8 I saw a jackass episode where they took the trucks off skateboards and rode them down stairs. Naturally I thought it would be a great idea, and did it too. I did it down a flight of concrete stairs. Ended up getting a concussion, and some stitches.
I wasn't the smartest little girl.
My brother once asked for my help when he was typing up a report for school (think he was around 14 at the time). He asked me if there was an easier way to double space his paper. I told him to just type it all up and you could just double space it at the end. But when I had a closer look at his report, he had already written about three paragraphs having put two spaces after every word.
He also tried to light one of his farts once but just ended up setting the back of his pants on fire.
I honestly still wonder why he is the favorite child.
Sometimes killers are the people you least expect...and sometimes they are the people you most expect.
People on Reddit are sharing their own (allegedly) true crimes stories, answering the question, "Has anyone known a killer before they killed? What were they like?"
Here are the most fascinating, devastating responses.
A few years ago I hired a father-son handyman team to help me get my house ready to put on the market. Among other things, my outside doorknobs were in bad shape so they installed new ones. The dad seemed pretty nice, even did a little bit for free. On their 3rd and last day at my house, he was pretty fired up about a big job they were starting the next day. Three days later he killed his new clients because they were unhappy with his work. A neighbor saw what happened and ran into her house and hid. He kicked her door in and shot her too. I was terrified until he was caught.
My little sister dated a guy when she was in high school who ended up murdering a couple he owed money to for heroin. This dude beat them with a [microphone stand] and a hammer... He almost got the death sentence, but ended up with life in prison...
He was a seemingly nice, polite teenager. I used to drive him and my sister around for various dates and things. He was quiet, but not oddly so. He just seemed like a normal teenage boy.
...He is eligible for parole after 51 years. This happened in 2015.
I graduated high school with Dr. Death, Chris Duntsch.
He was an a**hole. He was charming with teachers and people who could benefit him. He was awful to everybody else. I didn’t see it, but one or more awkward and vulnerable classmates said he bullied him relentlessly, and I believe it.
He was easily irritated and if you got on his nerves he would really lose his cool. Remarkably mean. And people would just shrug their shoulders and say that’s just how Chris is.
One of my parents friends use to come around all the time. He was probably only 21. Nicest guy ever. Type of guy who wouldn't hurt a fly.
A couple of years later he moved and we seen him on the news for murder. Turned out he got on the ice and his girlfriend convinced him to kill her ex with her. They then buried him in concrete.
Only reason they got caught was because they wrote their f*cking names in the concrete.
Was hired at the same time as him. Worked right next to him for several years. He was one of those stoner guys always bragging about the parties he went to. He was a little obnoxious in a "bro" sort of way so I always skipped hanging out with him after work.
After I left that job a little while later he killed his ex girlfriend while her 5yo was in the apt watching tv, took the kid on a road trip to Texas, and smothered her on Christmas Morning and left her in a suitcase on the side of the road.
He was an a**hole. I'm not surprised he killed somebody. He killed a 65 year old man in a revenge/drive by shooting. He [shot] at the wrong house. The guy he intended to kill didn't even live in that neighborhood.
I spent 3 months on a study abroad with a special forces, ex-FBI, guy named ‘Joe’. We were a small group of mostly students whereas Joe was older and there as part of foreign immersion training for the military. He was a little odd/awkward at times and didn’t share too much about himself which we mostly attributed to the age difference.
I’d describe Joe as very intense but kind-hearted. The military was very important to him and he always seemed very focused on that. But occasionally he’d make a dry joke or let his guard down for a moment with the group. He was very into photography and shared lots of great photos from the trip.
He was also somewhat the protector of the group and we always felt completely safe with him. One story I’ll share was when he was walking over a bridge and spied some guys in the trees waiting to jump down and rob him. He pulled out a large knife he carried on him and casually brandished it as he walked by. The guys smartly decided not to mess with Joe, but after he crossed he saw them sprint across the bridge and hide behind a building. Two policemen showed up shortly after and Joe showed them where the guys were hiding so the police could arrest them.
Anyways, a few years after we got back I heard the news that he had killed someone and took his own life. He had been training for a new position and his commander deemed that he wasn’t physically fit enough for the job. The judgment effectively ended his career and he felt he had been unfairly judged. He brought a gun into the base and shot his commander dead then killed himself.
I went to High School with a girl who poisoned her father. No one knew until she confessed a year later watching a Shakespeare play in College. She was a little weird in school, but I didn't think she was capable of that...
In my first semester of college, I had a computer science professor I really loved. Near the end of the semester, he told us he may be taking time off and finding a replacement for the semester. His severely autistic son had died in a 'tragic pool accident'. He noted that the media was trying to make him look bad. I created a GoFundMe for funeral expenses; he appreciated it and shared photos to use on the page.
Fast forward half a year. I get calls from news reporters asking what my thoughts are... He had been arrested on suspected unintentional manslaughter. It turns out, he had left his son outside in the cold by the pool, unsupervised, when he left for work. His son was never supposed to be unattended. His son was outside for who knows how long before the professor's daughter found the boy face down in the pool.
Further research into the case revealed the boy was living in an unfurnished basement, feces all over the walls, often left alone. The police were at the home frequently; CPS had made various safety requirements for them that they never followed.
He's being charged with unintentional manslaughter and various forms of child abuse. Him and his wife are being charged for filling the boy's Ritalin prescription for many, many months after the death.
I still believe it was intentional. Texts revealed the daughter discovered the boy when the professor texted her, asking her to check if 'Freak' was okay.
I worked with a guy that murdered his gf. He was a cool dude. I sat with him a lot on my lunch breaks. We talked about football, school, life etc. Pretty normal stuff. Never would think he was a killer. He was not an aggressive person at all.
I dated a guy who later stabbed his mother to death. He was psychotic and abusive, and I fled the state because I was afraid he was going to kill me. I found out years later that he murdered his mother just a few months after I left him. He's still in prison. It's been 20 years and I still have nightmares about him and I still feel a little sick talking about it.
I was friends with a guy who was accused of physical abusing his son. He went through the courts to fight it. The ex girlfriend finally admitted she made it up because he cheated on her .
He ended up killing her then himself.
There was this kid that would sit next to me in Chemistry during my sophomore year of HS. Some days he’d be totally out of it with his head down, other days he’d be answering every question in class. On the worse end he’d sometimes get up and run out of the classroom. Our TA would then spend most of the period trying to find him. His life was definitely shit by the looks of it.
Fast forward a year later it turned out he got hired by some kid outside of school as a hitman (kid wanted his parents dead). He brought a hammer to the kid’s house, injuring his mom but he got fought off by the kid’s dad. He ran off but got caught at a nearby gas station. He got a sixteen year sentence about two weeks ago.
This is an absolutely true story, I knew the whole family. Lived on the same street.
When I was 14, I lived in a trailer park and knew everyone who rode the bus with me. There was this 15yr old girl in my grade level, Cameron Carr (she went by Camie) who was a bit of an outcast, she wasn't bullied or picked on, but rather she had a strange attitude. Snarky, like Jessica Jones, but less outgoing. Not shy, just didn't talk to people. She had two younger brothers, one was 10 (don't recall his name), the other was 6 (his name was Jackson Carr).
My younger brother, who was 6 at the time, was in the same 1st grade class as her youngest brother Jackson.
On April 15th of 2002, Camie's dad went to mail his taxes, leaving the 3 kids alone as their mom was going to be getting home from work soon anyway. Camie managed to convince her 10yr old brother and her 6yr old brother to play hide-and-seek with her.
Unfortunately, little Jackson couldn't have known the terrible plot Camie had in store for him.
At roughly 5pm, Camie Carr removed the siding (what we all called it; it's the paneling that hides the gap between the trailer and the ground) from the rear of her trailer home. It's pretty easy to take off, they slide off once you pry the top piece off. Once she removed that siding, she dug a shallow hole in the ground.
After digging the hole, she had her 10yr old brother get 2 sticks and sharpened their tips. She placed those sticks on the ground next to the hole, then told Jackson to come play hide-and-seek. She told Jackson that her and him would go hide, while the 10yr old brother would count. She led him to the rear of the trailer, and told him to climb into the hole. She held him down, and called the 10yr old brother over. She and the 10yr old then took turns stabbing Jackson in the neck and throat. They threw some dirt on top of him, and then replaced the siding.
At 6:45pm, the Carr parents called 911 as they could not find Jackson and the 10yr old said he couldn't find him anymore after playing hide-and-seek. I remember everyone in the entire trailer park was outside, looking around for this little 6yr old boy who got lost, or was surely just at someone's house playing with a friend.
After hours and hours of searching, the 10yr old could not bare the burden of guilt anymore. He told the police that him and Camie had killed Jackson, and Camie confessed, leading the police to the back of the trailer, removing the paneling and exposing his lifeless body.
My brother was absolutely distraught for months. He didn't want to go to school, he didn't want to eat, it was a complete shock to him, to have his best friend murdered by his own siblings. Everyone at my middle school heard the news as well, nobody was necessarily "surprised" but we were ALL stunned she would commit murder. Especially to kill her own tiny little brother.
It's one of the top 3 worst things that happened in that trailer park, and I lived there for 9 years (all the way through senior yr of h.s.).
She was sentenced to 25 years on April 16th 2002. Her full name is Cameron Elizabeth Carr, born 1/11/1987 and is currently serving at Murray Prison in Texas.
The 10yr old brother was placed at Denton County Juvenile Detention Center, and I can only assume was held there until he turned 18. I can't seem to find his name to get further information.
Class clowning is an art. Take it from this former middle-school "artist." Just like most other forms of art, it's often done badly. But when done well, class clowning can puncture the tedium of the schoolday and bring joy to people's lives—including the teacher. In my experience, the holy grail of class clowning is to be so funny you make the teacher laugh. Because there's nothing more gratifying than making someone laugh when they're trying really, really hard not to. And besides, even the most "rebellious" students, deep down, crave their teacher's approval.
1.) From MyGodBejeebus:
This is high school biology. A guy who was known for being a pretty good voice actor was reading a page on the properties of fungi in multiple impressions, making everyone laugh. He often got picked to read after that, and never disappointed. We’ve had: yogi bear, Irish guy, disney princess, shaggy, Scottish guy, Patrick warburton, and many more. Before he graduated, his voice was also recorded for phone messages informing of school events, schools voicemail, and MC for many school events.
2.) From TheBlondeGeneticist:
While teaching sexual reproduction to year 8, one student loudly announced “I don’t get why they call it the birds and the bees. Trains and tunnels makes way more sense” I remember it ever single time I teach that unit, and it still makes me giggle.
3.) From iamreallycold:
I had a class of 4 for A level Chemistry. They were all very bright and some of the greatest students I had. We were talking about isomers when the brightest boy in the class asks “miss how do snakes have sex?” Which led to the whole rest of the class and me bursting in laughter. The following discussion of a mating ball only added to the laughter. Became a meme in the class when we would get off track someone would say snake sex and then we would giggle and go back to work.
4.) From Ethan920713:
On my first class, I asked my students to introduce themselves saying their names, their hometown and something they liked. Most of them were guys and they liked music, sports, videogames and such. After four guys introduced themselves, the fifth guy said "Hi, I'm Peter, I'm from X place and unlike the other guys, I like girls" and we all laughed way too loud.
5.) From ian1386:
My mom was the sex ed teacher, and was once asked "is there really a cherry in there?"
6.) From Anonymous_shaved_ape:
A kid asked if he could have a drink coz he had a cough, then proceeded to pull out a 6 litre bottle of apple juice from his bag
7.) From duplotigers:
Another sex Ed one I’m afraid. After explaining in the most professional way 22 year old me could, what a blow job was, this was somewhat undermined by a young lad on the front row announcing in his best stage whisper “That’s disgusting, I’m not putting my wing-wang in anyone’s mouth”
8.) From emmaofmisthaven:
While walking around the classroom, I tripped on a boy's backpack and almost faceplanted on the floor. A girl asked me if I were okay, to which I replied "no, X almost killed me". He turned to me and, without missing a beat, replied "I won't fail next time!"
We still laugh about it about every two weeks. Definitely my favourite in that group.
9.) From Swedette17:
Did a presentation about conspiracy theories. It was assessed and had to be recorded. He started off so normal, until he got to the Da Vinci code, and started talking about the possibilities of Jesus and Mary having sex. I lost it, but held it together, for the recording. Then asked him to elaborate on other theories he had heard, he calmly said 'Well, there was this one that said that Hitler was a dolphin' and I had to escort myself out
10.) From ZyroSky:
Not the teacher, but when I was in grade six, during Sex Ed, one of my buddies asked the teacher, in a loud voice, “Can blind people do 69?”
The entire room broke into laughter, except the guy who asked.
11.) From headlessqueenanne:
Talking about statistics on industrial maiming accidents during the Gilded Age, and this kid raises his hand and asks in all seriousness if getting one's nipple rings ripped out by a 19th century textile machine would count as maiming.
12.) From Mudmustard:
Mooned the cops and burst through the classroom door yelling ‘’gangster rap made me do it!’’ While being hauled away.
13.) From habituallysuspect:
I had a habit of throwing markers at students and asking them to throw it back. I'd hold up a hand but never actually try to catch it. Just stood there motionless.
During a physics unit, I was tossing a tennis ball around the room. I asked a kid to throw it and took my normal pose. He took his shot and lobbed it (lightly) at my crotch. Direct hit.
14.) From aseck27:
Not necessarily the class clown, but I once had one of my first graders look me square in the eye and ask me, “why don’t they call cookbooks ‘nomfiction’?” It’s stuck with me for about 5 years now!
15.) From noomcisab57:
My mate told his student that he needs a ruler for his work, he picked up a book of Karl Marx and said got my ruler right here, sir.
16.) From heti_ru:
I confiscated a kids phone because he arrived to lesson using it to listen to Eminem on full volume, he swore at me then walked to the front of the classroom, disconnected my monitor from my PC and calmly carried it out of the classroom stating “you steal my phone, I steal your monitor!”
I teach computer science so I was really pleased when he said monitor, he had only ever referred to it as the TV before and I didn’t think he was listening when we did output devices! Silver lining!
17.) From dojowit:
I was monitoring a Sex Ed talk, which was separated into boys and girls rooms. The woman who was leading the boys room got to the portion where she shows how to properly put on a condom, and takes out a dildo instead of a phallic fruit which is what I think the boys were expecting, and one boy said something like, “Oh shit, men, better cover your ass. She looks too comfortable handling that.” And half that class had no idea what he was taking about and the other class fell out of their chairs, and the woman presenting winked and said, “And you may wanna open your those ears. For most women, this is the only thing that can handle them when men fail.”
18.) From BiBiBadass:
I was teaching a second grade science class for ESL learners and we were talking about sperm whales.
Kid: Teacher, how big is a spam whale?
Me, thinking he just miss-pronounced sperm: A sperm whale is gigantic.
Kid: holds his hands up in the approximate shape and size of a can of Spam No, it’s this big.
19.) From brown_grits:
I’m not a teacher, but I’m my 6th grade English class, we were supposed to think of a social change we want to see happen in our lifetime. This one dude said “I don’t know, DOG DEPRESSION!” The teacher was laughing so fucking hard she had to leave the room.
20.) From Lharka:
Not the class clown or teacher, but my younger brother was the clown in his French class in high school. He would mimic the teacher’s French accent and mispronounce words, and she (as well as the whole class) got a hoot out of it. One day she asked him to “teach” the class as her stand in - needless to say nothing got done besides a lot of laughing.
21.) From spaceface423:
It was math class and we had a system at our school where you have to have a red card to use the bathroom during lesson time - it was only given to students with bladder issues and stuff. So this girl needed to go to because she was on her period and the teacher says no, she asked her again and the teacher was like, not unless you have a red card. Do you have a red card? She (student) paused for a moment, reached into her bag, pulled out her pad and held it high then went, ‘yeah. Here is it’. The group of people around her laughed hard but no one else had heard what she said and were very confused.
Children are often taught about 911 at a young age. Whether they were given a talk about the emergency phone number, or they merely gathered that it existed, the concept of calling strange grown-ups about emergencies is nothing short of fascinating for a young one.
Of course, a 6-year-old's idea of an emergency and an adult's idea of emergency aren't always the same thing. So trigger-happy children have been known to dial up the cops in order to settle the pettiest of disputes.
While it's frustrating (and potentially dangerous) for 911 lines to get clogged with inquiries from toddlers or prank calls from teens, many operators have a sense of humor and are able to remember some of these calls with a smile.
In a popular Reddit thread, 911 operators shared the funniest calls they've received from kids, and also some of the educational talks that followed.
I had a kid ask me if my refrigerator was “working.” I replied with “Do you mean is it running?”
He cussed at me and then hung up.
I had a little boy call 911 to tell me he was hungry and needed breakfast. I asked him if he was alone and he said no his sister was watching him but she was sleeping. I told him he should go wake his sister to have her make him breakfast, he said she is real mean and she won’t be nice to me! I said ok, you stay in the house and I will take care of this. His mom was an EMT so I knew his family, I called his grandma and had her go take care of the breakfast crisis and his sister had no idea. His mom later called to apologize and I just asked her to explain the general rules of 911.
Edit: It should be noted the unfortunate turn of events mentioned in the comments happened years after he called. At the time of the call they were just a normal sibling pair, one who possibly wouldn’t make breakfast for another and got the cops called on them.
My uncle is a dispatcher in my home town. He always tells me this story of this 4 year old who called 911 because his older brother farted on him.
Edit: since this blew up I’ll add a little more to the story.
The kid hung up the phone a short time after he explained what happened. My uncle said he was laughing too hard and had to wait a couple extra seconds before calling the number back.
The mother answered the phone and he had to explain what happened to her and to make sure everything was alright. The mother was mortified and apologized over and over, my uncle said it was a welcome moment of levity during a stressful holiday workweek.
I had a six year old girl accidentally call 911 saying that her mommy and daddy were making whoopie. I had flashbacks of Family Feud and laughed so hard. I waited a few minutes and called back and her mom tried to play it off saying they were wrapping Christmas presents.
Yeah, sure lady. If your present is a new little brother or sister.
I had a little one call in to our center about 10 times, just so she could tells us that she loved us and appreciated us, and we are doing such a great job. Our center is pretty big, so she would get a different person almost every time. However, if she got you more than once, she would say something like, "Nonono, I already told you! I need to tell someone else. You're great, but they need to know they're great, too! Okay, I love you, bye!"
It was all from a disconnected cell, and we weren't really getting a great phase on her location, but she stopped after about an hour, so it wasn't super concerning. Made my day! I hope she grows up and keeps that big heart of hers, we need more people like her in the world. (They don't necessarily need to call 911, but the point still stands lol.)
When I was four years old I was watching a fire safety video. They told me to call 911, so I did.
When I was 4 I was in Best Buy and followed the instructions on a fire extinguisher that was mounted in the middle of the isle and sprayed white stuff everywhere my parents picked me up and promptly walked out of the store we had some laughs about that one for years to come.
Me: 911 where is the emergency?
Little Mexican kid: Uh.. yeah.. I.. we need a.. a vegetarian.
Me: (long pause) A what??
Kid: A vegetarian.
Me: (Silence as I am processing this)
Kid: For my dog he's sick.
Me: Ohhhh.. okay you need a veterinarian. Sorry buddy but 911 is for human emergencies..!
Kid: Oh, okay bye.
Kid had to have been like 10 to 12 years old.
My dad was the Chief of Police when I was growing up, and I spent a lot of time at the station.
When I was 4 or 5, my mom wouldn't let me do something, so I called the emergency line (pre-911 days) and after the "XXX Police, what is your emergency" greeting, I very sternly requested that they arrest my mother.
The dispatcher recognized the address I was calling from and called my dad to tell him that I was on the emergency line and what I wanted.
I got a lecture that night, but from what my dad says, they had a good laugh about it at the station.
My cousin called because she was giving her lizard a bath and it went down the drain. (It was like a tiny house gecko named Steve). She called 911 crying that Steve was drowning and had gone down the drain. By the time the dispatcher figured out Steve was a gecko the police and fire dept were already pulling in. She was like 6 or so and I still tease her about it.....I do feel bad for Steve though.
A four year old called in to say that his dad took his trick or treat candy. Yeah, he took it so the kid wouldn't fill his face in a single night. The dad was planning to ration it out.
On a Saturday morning about 7 am I was "sleeping in" and my 2yo called 911 because he wanted breakfast. I didn't know til a sheriff was knocking on the front door doing a welfare check. I would love to have heard that conversation.
When we were younger and home alone, my sister called the police on my brother because they both wanted the same In N Out Burger. We had 4 identical burgers, but they wanted the same one. The police came to our house and explained to us why we shouldn't call the police for no reason. Our mom came home in the middle of their lecture. She was not happy.
Young teen just had her first menstrual cycle...
My favourite call recently was from an 11 year old kid who was walking home from school and got lost. He called 999 in a panic, so I told him to stay where he was until officers arrived. We didn't have officers available for about 30 minutes, so we just spent half an hour chatting about fortnite.
I guess not exactly a funny call, but it was enjoyable!
I was on the job when 911 first was implemented in my County on the late 1980’s. When I answered “911, what is your emergency”, kid said,”My dick is too short” and, of course, he hung up laughing, not realizing that with 911 we knew where he was.
Thirty minutes later the Sergeant had him at the station explaining to me why he used such bad language ‘to such a nice lady’. I just retired last year after 30 years in the Comm Center.
My kid was 17 months old and impossible to tie down. While I was cooking dinner he went into the study and somehow dialed triple zero (emergency line in Australia). I think he was trying to talk to his Nanna, but panicked when a stranger’s voice came down the line instead.
I caught him and hung up the phone, not knowing he’d actually dialed anyone. Then I went back to cooking butter chicken for dinner. Fourteen minutes later the police are on my doorstep.
They came in urgently, looking for “an old man who might have fallen down”. The emergency line operator had asked several questions, but the only response she had gotten was laboured, heavy breathing that she thought was an old man too injured to speak. Luckily for us, it was just sneaky and confused toddler wheezing.
We figured it out and I brought my kid out to meet the policemen. One of them said “Yeah, that’d be the perp. Look at the guilty look on his face.” Funnily enough, my kid did have an expression of extreme chagrin. Possibly the first and last time he ever felt guilty for anything.
Not a 911 operator, but my parents love to bring this story up so I thought I’d share. One morning when I was about 4 or 5 I called 911 to tell them that nobody in the house was dead. They wanted to speak to my parents, and I kept insisting they didn’t need to because no one was dead. Eventually I hung up on them and they called back and got to speak to my parents, WHO WERE ALIVE AS PROMISED.
My brother called the police on me because I wouldn't let him watch the Simpsons when we were younger. Told them I was being mean to him. They called my parents back for a very interesting conversation.
I LOVE telling this story at work, so if any of my co-workers see this they will instantly know who it is, but oh well.
A couple of years back I got a call from a kid who was about 6 or 7, stating that his brother (who was about the same age) had hit him. This is more of a parental than a police matter, so I politely asked him if I could speak to a parent. "NO!" was his reply. I lowered my voice an octave and said "Let me talk to your mom or dad". Same reply from the kid. I went into semi-angry, but totally serious "ADULT" mode and firmly said "Put one of your parents on the phone or I'm sending the police to 1234 Main Street" (he was calling from a landline so I had his address). He paused for a moment, and then I could hear him start vomiting in the background of the phone call out of fear.
Did wind up sending the police out to chat with the young man as I was never able to speak to a parent to verify that everything was OK - he received a lecture.
“Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese.”
—Luis Bunuel
Getting older is hard. Who knew being an adult would include so much responsibility and ibuprofen? It's really a shame we don't age backwards because the older I get, the more I just want a nap and a juice box. Adulting sucks, but at least we're mature enough to drink, swear, and laugh at these crazy memes. This funny collection of memes is the perfect way to avoid all of the practical stuff you should be doing right now
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When you're in school, one bad grade can feel like the end of the world. In a thread kicked off by writer @Payoletter, people are sharing how they got revenge on their teachers by succeeding in their fields in spite of them.
People are loving the conversation, which puts "failures" into perspective.
Don't give up: there's life after pre-calculus, even if it might not feel like it at the time.
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Thanks for inspiring the pep talk, Rae!
As kids and teens, most of us take for granted everything our parents do for us. Then one day we move out on our own (hopefully), and suddenly we realize, damn, things like paying bills, doing laundry, buying groceries, and cleaning the gook out of the sink are no joke. No wonder mom and dad were so pissy all the time.
When I first moved out at age 18, there were many aspects of independent living that I was in no way prepared for. Sure, I could stay up as late as I wanted watching TV every night, but I also had to step up and take on a bunch of responsibilities I never expected to be quite so hard. Some of them I'm still getting used to.
It's almost enough to make you want to give up your independence and move back in with your 'rents. JK JK JK JK JK.
1.) From dudebobmac:
The fact that $100 is no longer a lot of money.
2.) From Ivory_Beetle:
Loneliness by far. I loved living by myself, but lying in bed without my cat on my bed, or without hearing my mom laughing downstairs made the room feel very small and secluded.
3.) From harleegentry:
The cost of food and how fast it goes bad.
4.) From pops992:
When I was in high school my parents were never home so they would always just tell me and my brother to go out to eat or get take out and put it on their card. I got used to doing that and then when I went to college I was not prepared for how expensive it is to eat out every night.
5.) From InsertBluescreenHere:
dont forget how hard it is to cook for yourself VS like 3-4 people. That and its hard to buy small portions/qty of some things.
6.) From sleepingArisu:
You need to actually THINK about what you want to eat each and every day. I still can't get over it.
7.) From ladywader505:
Yeah, and if I don’t do it, nothing gets taken out to defrost. Then its cereal or bacon and eggs.
8.) From pomedgram:
For me it was exhilarating. Want to sit and eat a whole package of double-stuff oreos at one sitting without anyone judging you? It's on!
Fortunately, it only took a few weeks of that before I realized I was getting fat and felt like shit, so I had to go back to eating real food like my mom cooked when I lived at home.
9.) From Marawal:
Come back to a dark, liveless home in the evenings.
Since my mom worked 6am 2pm until a few years ago, and we lived with my grandparents, there were always someone home when I'd come back from school. Even if we didn't chat, there were someone there, moving around, doing their own things. It sometimes was annoying because I sometimes was tired and needed peace and quite. But I underunstimate how much reassuring it was.
10.) From slightlyspaced:
The amount of depressing things that come in the post: bills etc
11.) From StalinsIdeas:
The mail was exciting as a kid. Now I'm just like "ah fuck what now?" if I see something is in my mailbox.
12.) From Amunet59:
How alike my mom and I are. I used to tell her to chill with the household chores.
She couldn’t chill.
I can’t chill.
Must. Clean...
13.) From theoptionexplicit:
Being on my own if I got sick. I once got food poisoning when my roommate was away for the weekend. Vomiting every 20-30 minutes for an entire day. I was severely dehydrated and didn't even have the strength to walk to the drug store for meds and gatorade.
14.) From brownidegurl:
Happy things don't just happen. You decide to do them.
All those fun events and great memories you had growing up? The birthday parties, beach trips, days you decided to turn the living room into a castle of sheets and cushions?
My parents deliberately planned those things (or gave their own time on a whim) because they wanted me to be happy.
Even if I'm tired from work, I try to plan fun, silly events and always celebrate holidays, because I realized no one's going to do it for me anymore.
15.) From OpheliaImmortal3452:
Not having condiments or spices on hand. I took for granted having salt and pepper and whatever spice I needed in the cupboard. Buying all that at once can add up quickly.
16.) From dayr2dream:
Water cost money. I grew up on a farm with well water. It completely blew me away people had to pay for tap water. Years later I feel bad for people in cities that dont provide drinkable water.
Our home town had an oil pipe burst and contaminated their drinking water. Many people came to our farm for drinkable water.
17.) From Loulett:
The amount of small things that needs to be done on everyday basis: cooking, house cleaning, dish washing, laundry, etc... And this does not include homework (if you are a student), hobbies, personal life... I'm just so tired of all that stuff.
18.) From Hopesick_2231:
You have to clean EVERYTHING yourself. Even in a small apartment, that's a big job. No wonder my mom got so pissed off when my sisters and I couldn't keep our rooms clean when we were kids.
19.) From moreyaclare:
Food is SO EXPENSIVE. I moved out a few months ago and that’s been the thing I was least equipped to deal with.
20.) From LegoHurtsLikeSatan:
DON'T FORGET TO BUY TOILET ROLL! THERE IS NO MAGIC TOILET FAIRY DESPITE APPEARENCES!
21.) From BigMaraSpence:
How wrong my idea of "independence" was.
Sure, you can do whatever you want whenever you want. But almost every activity generates waste in some capacity that YOU need to deal with.
22.) From my_neighbor_thotoro:
How much time it really takes to cook your meals
23.) From [deleted]:
How much happier I would be.
Like 80% of the stuff ITT are financial and TBH, I had been paying for all my own shit long before I moved out, so none of that was a surprise.
But having the whole place to yourself? That's total freedom and independence. And I never realized how much it contributed to personal happiness.
However, it's a double-edge sword. I was also unprepared for how lonely I'd be. First time moving out, I lived alone. Man, it gets really lonely at times. I finally realized why all my friends Tinder'ed so much.
24.) From blackcloudcat:
The lack of auto-refilling cupboards in the kitchen. When I ate all the food, the cupboards just stayed stubbornly empty. At my parent’s home they always magically refilled.
25.) From maybebaby83:
The odd sense of a lack of security going to bed the first few nights. I'm close with my parents so when I lived at home I always felt a bit safer that they were downstairs when I went up to bed. It was weird when that was gone.
26.) From GumboldTaikatalvi:
Finding a new doctor. Still haven't seen one since I moved out three years ago. When something seems to be slightly wrong I just hope that it will get better without seeing a doctor. I'm kind of worried that I'm going to regret this at some point.
27.) From beckybarbaric:
You become an adult when you make a run to the store for a plunger, and nothing else
28.) From DarkKnight77:
Having to set up all my own appointments and services
29.) From LittlePhippy:
The freedom. The fact that I could go out without hearing “where are you going? It’s 11:00!”. Or waking up at noon on Saturday because I had a few drinks Friday night and watched TV until I was damn-well good and ready to go to bed. Not having to explain what I was doing. Cleaning up the place when I felt like it and not one fucking minute before. Married with two teenagers now and I’m doing the exact same things to them that my parents did. And I realize that they weren’t the hovering control freaks that I thought they were. They were just. Parents.
30.) From SPN_poptart:
Credit checks. I thought I would've been able to find an apartment easy. Nope. And that you have to sometimes pay a deposit, last and current month's rent AND make a certain amount to even get considered. I remember one complex made it a requirement to have apartment insurance or something like that.
31.) From Battle_Lemonz:
buying lightbulbs. seriously it never occurred to me that I would need to replace them on occasion. and there are quite a few types. The first ones I bought were about as bright as the sun.
Whether you wear it or not, all it takes is a few YouTube tutorials to prove that makeup is its own art form.
But this guy doesn't see it that way.
A man wrote to Reddit seeking advice after he told his wife that her makeup hobby is "self-centered," "wasteful" and not social enough — especially compared to his favorite pasttime, video games.
Yeah.
Now he's asking the internet whether he's the a-hole in this situation.
My wife's only "hobby" is makeup. She sits in front of her mirror for at least an hour a day putting makeup on, then washing it off, then putting other makeup on. I've always felt a little weird about this considering she only really does it at night when no one will see it and she doesn't even wear makeup to work because she doesn't want to get up earlier.
I also don't love that her only hobby is pretty self centered and not productive or social at all. She also goes through makeup pretty fast and spends almost her entire "fun budget" on it. This creates a lot of clutter and a lot of waste in my opinion and she's not even getting anything out of it. It bothers me because I could, for example, play a video game forever without having to pay more, but she has to buy more and more eyeshadow or whatever.
My hobbies are much more social or productive, even if I'm just playing video games with friends. I suggested recently that she expand to something that other people can appreciate more, like art, or something that will at least create less waste or be more social.
She got really upset with me and told me that I just don't understand makeup and I have no right to judge how she spends her money. I pointed out that part of a relationship is trying to help each other grow and she called me judgmental and told me to keep my opinions to myself. So basically she just wants me to shove it. Who is right here?
ArtemesiaSlays pointed out that if they each have a fun budget, it's not his job to dictate where it goes:
Why do you get to decide whether her hobby is more wasteful than yours? Leave her be.
Alspals agreed:
And why does he get to decide whether or not she “gets anything out of it?”
Tonytwostep pointed out that his assertion that his video game habit doesn't cost as much is pretty rich:
But also, is OP claiming he never buys new video games? Or consoles? Or upgrades his PC? Or pays for subscription services (e.g. Xbox Live, MMO subscriptions, etc)? Or buys microtransactions/DLC/loot boxes?
Is OP out here still playing Snake on his flip-phone? Because otherwise, if he's like me or other video game hobbyists, OP has almost certainly put a significant amount of money into his games.
It's laughable that he's belittling his wife's hobby while pretending that playing video games is some sort of no-cost, "productive", selfless, & noble activity.
AnimalLover38 pointed out that makeup actually is a skill you get better at with practice. What a concept:
Also, all the "wasted" time she's spent on night make up instead of getting up earlier to do it for work is most likely because she's practicing so she'll eventually get to the point where she doesn't need to get up earlier to do what she likes. My mom can now basically do a full face in under five minuets. It still takes me forever to just do my foundation. Never mind if i want to take a whack at eyeliner or something and just end up wasting a half hour removing and reapplying only to end up with puffy eyes.
SalamanderDisco pointed out that his "marriage is about helping each other grow" justification is flimsy:
Your answer reeks of superiority and I don’t see an attempt on your part to understand why your wife enjoys makeup. Not to mention your complete dismissal of the productive and social possibilities of learning makeup as an art.
What if you shifted your approach?
“Hey, honey. I’ve noticed you’re really enjoying makeup artistry, but you only ever try out the looks at night. Have you considered posting tutorials online to connect with others who could learn from you?”
Marriage is about supporting each other—even when you think their hobbies are weird. At least she has a hobby!
And togostarman points out that his faux concern over the social value of her hobby is pretty lame too:
I knit alone. Guess my hobby isnt valid.
How is your vague idea of "art" supposed to be social. Say she decides to paint. She becomes an excellent painter, but she paints alone (like most painters???) Is her hobby suddenly invalid because it's not social?
This is such a bizarre thing to be hung up on.
No matter what your age, you probably have one or two "old person things" that keep you sane.
Some of us clip coupons from the newspaper. Others always have a stock of Werther's in their purse, just in case anybody needs one. And one Reddit user asked the people of the internet to share their personal old person behaviors.
Grab your dollar-store reading glasses and settle in.
Make dad noises all the time. Complain about the youth of today. Complain when there's too much noise. Say to my missus "turn t'bloody lights off, it's like Blackpool illuminations in 'ere". - IronSkywalker
I look up words on urban dictionary so I can try to understand words kids use - OkayestSkier
My husband looked at me the other day and asked if I was ready to go to bed....it was 5:30 PM - savearainbow
Complain when people come over after 7pm - letshaveadeepconvo
Go grocery shopping early in the morning. Old people know what is up on that front. No lines. There and back home in 30 minutes. - gudjuju
47 and noticed the old age stuff happening a few years ago. Early to bed,less jeans more comfy pants,tea instead of coffee,hold my books farther away and love when plans cancel and I can stay home. - willow0281
Make old man noises when I get off the couch, declare my hip hurts at least 70 times a day, loose my glasses on my head.. The list goes on really.. - AllyBrat69
I eat like an old person. I love Grape Nuts cereal, green bean casserole, Werther's Original, Cream of Wheat, corned beef hash, and especially butter pecan ice cream. I've been known to order meatloaf at restaurants. - twocopperjack
Ask my wife to turn off the lights when we're not on the room because "I don't own stock in the electric company". - CapAmericaJr
I got angry at some kids running across my front yard last Halloween. I was THIS close to literally yelling “get off my lawn!” before I stopped myself. I’m 34. - MidvalleyFreak
love to tell and retell boring, long winded stories that go off on several tangents before I get to any real point.
Stayed tuned, though, because the next time we meet I'm going to retell them again :) - llcucf80
I left work early so I could open up my new vacuum that was delivered today. I'm super excited to vacuum my whole house. Maybe when I'm done I'll put plastic on the couch and plastic runners on the floor to keep the house more tidy. - cls107
I am prompt. Aggressively so.
If you tell me to be at your house at 7:00, you best believe I'm knocking on your door before the clock hits 7:01. F*** this "fashionably late" or "just get here whenever" s***. I didn't ask what time you want to meet up to secretly gauge how cool you are- I'm trying to make a plan, damn it. - WatchTheBoom
I tie and untie my shoes every time I take them off and put them back on. Shoes are expensive I'm not wrecking the heel to save a few seconds - rusticnacho
Vote in every election. - dionthesocialist
"Happiness is a state of mind. It's just according to the way you look at things."
-Walt Disney
The best way to find happiness in your life isn't by winning the lottery or having a lot of things (although, sign me up for that sh*t. I'm ready, universe.) I truly believe the best way to enjoy your life is to find humor in everything and laugh whenever you get the chance. Even if you hate mornings and are crabby as hell right now, treat yourself to a few giggles today. A little humor works wonders to improve your life, but still, keep playing the lotto, 'cause work sucks.
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