People are sharing the dumbest questions they've ever been asked, and the questions come from people too stupid to even spell the word "dumb."

For the optimal experience, read these in the voice of Karen from Mean Girls.

1. Guten tag, SomeSugarAndSpice.

During my exchange year in the US, I was sitting in my English class and we had a few minutes until class started, when one of the guys I spoke regularily to, suddenly turns and asks me if I could speak English since I'm from Germany.

I calmly asked him in what language we had been speaking just a second ago. It was pretty hilarious and even our teacher had a good laugh with us.

In short: Guy asked me if I could speak English, while we were talking in English.

2. Love is love, youreajokereally

How do I test to see if my turtle is gay?

3. Let it go, JollyMortuary.

While watching Frozen with a group of friends, my brother's girlfriend, 30 minutes in looks confused and upset and looks me in my eyes and asks, "If their parents died, are they still sisters?" She had been thinking about it for 30 minutes. I had to console her and let her know that if her parents died, her sister would still be her sister.

4. Yikes, Wordnord70.

"Won't they hatch?"

Asked by a guy who had just thrown out two dozen eggs that had *just* passed their expiration date. He was concerned about having 24 little chicks running around inside his refrigerator. Dude was a university-level science major.

5. Hysterical_Realist can see this.

"But if you're colorblind, then how can you read?"

6. lovebyletters is on the frontlines of human stupidity.

From the hotel industry, favorites are generally along the theme of:

“Why didn’t you tell me when I booked my reservation (six months ago) that it was going to rain today?!”

“Why is there traffic? Why didn’t you warn me there’d be traffic in Manhattan?! Why can’t you just tell the cops to let me through?!”

But my all time favorite was at a hotel where for various reasons, the lobby was not on the first floor. The only thing on the first floor as you come in was a bank of elevators, by which you could then reach the lobby.

Had a guest ask, in complete seriousness, “Why couldn’t the taxi drop me off at the lobby? All the other hotels it drops me off at the lobby!”

All attempts to answer this were met with increasing rage on the part of the guest, because WHY COULDN’T THE TAXI COME TO THE EIGHTH FLOOR.

7. It's urgent, WallflowersAreCool2

As a 911 operator, a caller once asked (on an emergency line) what the weather would be like on Thanksgiving Day in a desert resort popular with off-roaders, that's located about 100 miles away from our city. It was April.

8. Hope this wasn't from thestonez's boat captain.

"On a map, is the blue part the water or the sky"?

9. What is a nation anyway, billbapapa?

"What nationality are you?"

"Canadian"

"No, i mean, what nationality?

"Ummm, do you mean heritage? Polish I guess"

"No no, listen, na-tional-ity"

"I don’t know what you’re asking?"

"Whispers: Nationality, like, are you white, black, etc?"

"Just look at me, I’m white as snow, and that’s not nation..."

"Cool I didn’t want to assume anything."

10. They need to repent, ​​​​​​pjabrony.

A coworker of mine, without any context, asked me, "Is Ash Wednesday this Friday?"

11. zoltrinaforsure has a very glamorous dog.

Someone asked me if my dog's eye's were naturally that colour or if she was wearing coloured contacts?

12. MirroredLife090's cousin is skeptical about spectacles.

"Why do you wear glasses?" Because my eyes aren't right

"Cool so what do the glasses do?" They help me to see

"Like what, night vision?" ....

I sh*t you not my 15 yr old cousin asked this. His sister wears glasses for f*ck's sake

13. A dumb question and also a burn, Anjodu.

Working in a coffee shop, around mid-afternoon. A man walks in, glances around and walks up to the counter.

Me: Hey, what can I get for you?

Him: Um. (Glances around the store more) Are you guys open?

Mostly out of confusion I also glanced around my store I saw all of the other employees clearly working, and our lobby full of people sitting/eating/drinking/etc.

Me: Yes?

14. Everyone's a winner, fizziebutter.

Oh the score is 1-1. Well that's good, but whose score is higher?

15. MIKE_H0NCH0_'s friend is an awful vegetarian.

"What plant do shrimp grow on?"

• my 20 year old friend in college

16. Stay safe, Wrong_Answer_Willie.

"Can I be pregnant? because I had unprotected sex with (another girl)"

17. Bon appetit, aelise98.

"What do you mean buffalo wings don’t come from buffalos?"

18. Yikes, SketchyAlien51.

“Are you Asian or Chinese”

I’m Vietnamese.

19. Kick him in the nuts, FleurBlack71.

Do periods really hurt or are women just weak?

As more cities shut down to slow the spread of COVID-19 and enforce social distancing, schools have rapidly moved their classes online.

While online classes have been an option for a long time, there's a huge difference in the teaching styles required for online vs. IRL classes, so curriculum that was originally planned for a live class room will always feel different over the web.

Likewise, student mindsets and expectations going into a live classroom vs. an online class differ vastly, so changing the whole dynamic and learning pace takes adjusting. Luckily, even during a scary pandemic, people have kept a sense of humor about them.

The past few weeks, students have been joking about the vibe of their classes now that everything has moved online, and since the internet is profoundly bleak right now, I gathered some for your enjoyment.

1. This young man who has embraced self-care in this time of stress.

2. This student who uses the computer as the catwalk.

3. Even distance learning involves crushes.

4. The teacher who went ahead and read this out loud.

5. TFW your cat blocks your education.

6. The professor who got creative with his Zoom background.

7. TFW you're gaming on the school clock.

8. TFW you try to fake a frozen screen to avoid answering a question.

9. This teacher who is either not ready, or born ready.

10. This teacher who leaned into TikTok culture on Zoom.

11. This professor who knows exactly what image she wants to imbue on students.

12. This portrait of how online students are feeling.

13. This class that collectively shared a drink.

14. This professor who knows how to keep the attention of a class.

15. Finally, that feeling when online class was actually the best fit for you all online.

As the saying goes, "there is no such thing as a stupid question," because the quest for knowledge comes from an intelligent place. But there are definitely stupid answers. And we live in a world full of people who love to answer questions a lot more than they love answering them correctly (for proof, just ask a question—any question—on social media, and watch the replies roll in).

Someone asked Reddit: "what's the dumbest reply to a serious question you've heard?" Here are 23 not-dumb replies about times people had a dumb reply to a not-dumb question:

1.) From Actual_Gacy:

I got a former friend a job at my workplace. She was seriously stressing, talking about how if she doesn't find a job, her ex might win the custody case, and take the kids, and she wasn't finding anything. So, I talked to my boss, and got her position doing what I do.

One week later she was supposed to go on her first call*.

She over slept by four hours and ended up missing the job.

I called her as I was leaving to do the job she missed. I asked, "So, are you going to talk to [our boss] and see if he'll give you another chance?"

She straight up went, "I don't think so. Oh well, wasn't meant to be."

Girl, what?!

*Side note: I work in the funeral business. The job was taking a body down to get an autopsy. The place where this particular person was getting one was over two hours away. We're supposed to be there at a certain time, otherwise we spend all day there.

2.) From That1SocialOutcast:

It was actually me who said the dumb reply. This was when I was younger, just by the way.

(Texted to me by a friend) "Can I take a rain-check?"

A few minutes later, I text back,

"Nope, no rain."

I had literally checked the weather for the day. I was a socially awkward idiot, so... yeah.

3.) From IAhawkeyes132:

in physics there’s something called the “right hand rule” which helps you find the direction of force given the direction of the magnetic and electric fields. it’s a little hard to explain how exactly, but you literally use your right hand as a model.

my professor asked me in front of the class what the first thing you needed to identify in order to use the rule was, i panicked, and answered “your right hand”

4.) From XxDragonOfMoherxX:

I was on a job and we needed to have a structural engineer to come in and look at one of the floors to make sure it was stable enough. So we asked the owners daughter (who was supposedly a business major who was gonna take over her dad’s company) if she had a contact number for the structural engineer her dad normally dealt with when having his buildings renovated.

She looks at the three of us (me, my assistant superintendent and project manager) and goes “Oh yeah! But he’s busy working on my car at the moment.”

All three of us.....”What?”

Her: “Yeah he’s working on my engine in my car, why do you guys need him? Engineers work on engines not buildings.”

WTF.

5.) From kalidava:

Me writing a construction bid: "Is the standard flooring for these units going to be tile or vinyl?"

The client: "Yellow."

6.) From Phenomenal2313:

At the start of 2020 , a volcano erupted in Batangas, a province in the Philippines. Affected my hometown which fucking sucked

What does our president suggest doing against the eruption? Give supplies? Help in the evacuation of the people stuck there? Provide relief and support?

No. You want to know the answer? His words not mine: I will urinate on the volcano

Good job president

7.) From poopellar:

Travelling in car down a street looking for a particular shop

Q: So which shop is it?

A: The one by the tree.

Road is lined with trees

8.) From VictorV1000:

In school a physics teacher had asked one of my fellow students, who was holding a presentation on nuclear energy:

"What is the hadron collider in switzerland used for?"

The response was so outrageously stupid, I was dumbfounded and cannot believe this happened to this day. (She also wasn't joking. Nobody jokes with this teacher because no one had ever seen him laugh and he was a douche.)

"To create a second sun."

9.) From sas8184:

Doctor to Mom : Are you vaccinating your son(About 1 year) according to the chart I gave you? Mom: Better than that. I am breastfeeding him. This was in India last year. Didn't know this was happening in India too.

10.) From kukkelii:

Asked my ex-boss ( alcoholist pos ) if he knew how to do x thing on the system and could show me. He replied with "yes" and went home. Just a yes and left.

11.) From -eDgAR-:

One time my friends and I were hanging out in his apartment. All of sudden I hear a woosh and look over at my friend and his hair is on fire. We get it out quickly and I asked him what the hell just happened. He told me, "I was trying to listen to the sound the lighter made when I flicked it."

12.) ​​​​​​​From TannedCroissant:

5 years ago I asked my now girlfriend on a date. Stupidly she said yes. Now she’s stuck with me.

13.) ​​​​​​​From femaletwentytwo:

I worked at a place that served coffee and ice cream. I asked a customer what she wanted to order and she replied with "are your milkshakes cold?"

14.) From benry87:

I'm a highschool teacher and I heard this one once:

-What's sudoku?
-*deadpan serious, very condescending* It's the highest form of ritualistic Japanese suicide

15.) From JuicyCiwa:

Teacher in HIGH SCHOOL asked the class if anyone knew how many feet there were in a mile.

Very seriously, a student answered “Nobody knows that, it’s impossible; everyone has different sized feet”

16.) From Chip_Man5674:

One day we were all working on some worksheet, when you start hearing a [classmate] rambling off about how she’s sick. She’s the only one in the room talking, so everyone is at least half listening. And I kid you not, this is what she said.

“I just have the worst stomach ache. I think I have cancer”

Teacher: (bored, engaging because she’ll talk anyways) “oh really? What kind of cancer?”

“I think it’s either pancreatic, or testicular.”

Now I know it’s 2020, but I think it’s safe to say everyone in that room assumed she was a girl. And, she went to confirm yes, she is a girl. The class went awkwardly silent. The faces of the people sitting at her table went white. The teachers jaw dropped. At this point, he was in so much disbelieve, he just said “ok” and moved on.

A few people chimed in “I’m not a doctor, but I’m pretty sure you’re safe from testicular cancer” but she didn’t listen. She just started doubling down. I’m not sure sure whatever happened to her, but I’m pretty sure she dropped of of school the next year.

17.) From etymologynerd:

My high school had a geography bee where one kid was asked what the capital of France was and he replied "Spain"

18.) ​​​​​​​From Pawn315:

In a High School world history class.

Teacher: "Alright everyone, we will be covering the Reformation period. Who knows why Martin Luther was significant?"

Student, blurting out without raising hand: "Martin Luther? Isn't that the guy who freed all the slaves?"

This one holds a special place for me because it is multiple layers of wrong.

19.) From Hytyt:

At work, a customer asked one of our chefs where the fish comes from. He pointed to the kitchen and said "it just comes through that door"

The world feels pretty scary and out of control right now...

If you're still able to work, you're incredibly lucky. If you're out of work temporarily, it's hard to know when things will go back to normal and what the state of the economy and our everyday routines will look like. If you work in the medical field, grocery stories or other essential businesses and you're risking your health for others, you are a hero.

COVID-19 needs to be taken seriously which means we have to put our public health at our top priority, socially distance, and take care of our friends and family who are negatively effected by this pandemic.

Stressful times do call for some cheering up, though and laughing is a form of medicine. So, here are 25 funny pandemic tweets to lift your spirit while we're locked inside.

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Sometimes, a grand romantic gesture isn't "grand"...it's a series of small things, a grilled cheese sandwich, or a generously timed fart.

Married women shared the stories behind the moments in which they knew that their now-husbands were "the one," and they will both warm your heart and make you feel so, so lonely.

1. You had me at "courtesy fart," BootyMcSqueak.

My moment came while I was staying over at his apartment. Up until that point, he only had 1 pillow on his bed and we would share it. The next day, we went to the store and he bought two brand new pillows so we would both be comfortable. That, and he came to bed with his mouth guard in, and I sheepishly held up mine too. Also, the time that I accidentally farted horribly loud. He lifted up his leg and let out a "courtesy fart" so I wouldn't feel bad. Meant to be.

2. gettinknitty's love was sealed with a redo kiss.

The first date he dropped me off at my apartment. He gave me an awkward kiss where he missed half my face due to the flowers and leftovers I was holding. I walked up the three flights of stairs and get a call. He asked me if he could come back and have a 'redo kiss' because that kiss didn't accurately represent how good he thought that date had gone. He met me at the door. Gave me a proper kiss and I floated up the three flights of stairs. I knew then he was just as awkward as me, making him welcoming, patient, and comfortable.

3. wtfapkin's story is cheesy.

I remember this moment like it was yesterday. We had been dating for less than 2 months, and we were at a small wine bar for his birthday. We were sitting outside drinking wine and eating the most amazing grilled cheese sandwiches in existence. Our eyes locked at one point, and the look in his eyes was complete admiration and love. He tilted his head a bit and did a sort of half smile. I felt so at ease, so comfortable. I knew at that moment. We've been married for a little over 3 years, been together for almost 7 years.

4. Misery misses company, Beardsforever.

He went on a three-day road trip with a friend and I was in abject misery the entire time. I distinctly remember wandering into my kitchen, opening the fridge for the thousandth time that day, and just staring into it thinking, "Wtf is wrong with me? Ohhhhmygod I love him." He got back from his trip at around 1:00 am, called me, and immediately got right back in his car and drove to my house. I confessed my realization, he said, "It's about time!" and we've been together ever since. That was August '99 and we married in October '01.

5. MiddleClassNoClass had a special movie night.

About two months into dating, we'd gotten to the point where we would just visit each other's apartments randomly. He comes over to visit, but unfortunately, I was stuck on the toilet with a UTI. Honestly, I felt like I had to pee all day and just could not leave the bathroom.

I embarrassingly explained this to him through the bathroom door and he says, "No problem, hold on a minute." He slowly opens the door with his eyes closed, a stool in one hand and his laptop in another. He sets his laptop on the sink opposite me and the stool into my shower, which was divided from the toilet by a closet (so we could both see the laptop, but not each other.)

Then he sat down and we watched Happy Feet together while I was on the toilet the whole time.

I nearly cried.

6. Tbjkbe is home.

We were engaged and had a fight...a huge fight....and I stormed out, got in my car, and drove off. As I was driving, I thought of people/friends I could go to tell what had happened and how I was feeling. As I went through my list, I came to the realization that the person I wanted to talk to the most was my best friend.....and he was the person I had just left. We have been married now for 25 years. Our looks have faded....we get on each other's nerves....but he is still my best friend and I can't imagine a world without him right by my side.

7. Kelswick's dad has a way with words.

Not my story, my mom's. She had a breast cancer scare (back in the 70's or 80's) and her boyfriend (my dad) said "So chop 'em off, I'll still be here."

8. Horseshow felt it when he said it.

He told me he loved me. And I could feel in my heart. The way he looked me so often. How he touched me with love. The way he smiled at me when I looked at him. 40 years.

9. Foxygroom trusts cats and kisses.

He had a cork on a string tied up in a doorway as a toy for his cat. It was a very cute cat that would wait outside the house for him to return from work and would follow him down the road to the shops. That cat really loved him and they are good judges of character. I figured someone who treated his cat right would treat me right. 20 years on (and on cat number three) and I have been proved right every day.

Plus he snogged like a king on our first date !

10. NicoleMitchell's reaction has a backstory.

Growing up I didn't have the best example of love as my parents fought a lot and weren't very "lovey dovey", but when I met my biological father at the age of 16 he really set a standard. I remember sitting on his back patio with him and his wife, they were holding hands and just enjoying their evening, when he looked at her and said "Have I told you I love you today?" She responded "No, I don't think so." To which he said "Oh I will. By the end of the day I'll let you know." damn it was simple but so cute (he later explained it was a twist on a movie quote but one he always really liked). They did little things like that a lot and I knew in that particular moment that I wanted that same treatment.

Sure enough, one day my now husband and I were sitting together, just relaxing with a movie, and he says "Have I told you how much I love you today?" I smiled and said "No, not yet" and had tears in my eyes. He was, of course, confused and I explained what had me so taken aback. I had never told him that story before. I knew right then that I didn't want to spend my life with anyone else, I had found what I was looking for.

11. From Hellooutthere112233:

When we had been dating for 2 months and I found out I was 2 and 1/2 months pregnant from a one night stand. He told me not to worry we would figure it out. Was married 5 months later and had 5 great years and one more kid before he passed away.

12. He had rumtiger's back.

He put his hand on my back when we were walking down the street. Something about the way he touched me was unlike the touch of any other boyfriend before him. I can't really explain it. When he put his hand on my back, I felt like he was promising to always take care of me and protect me even though I knew all he was doing was walking down the street.

13. matergallina found a daddy.

I knew I wanted to be with him the night we met and the movie we saw shook me up emotionally and he was comforting me.

But I knew I wanted to be with him forever when I saw him play with his children. They were coming over for their weekend with dad, and he said "I swear I'm not ignoring you, but I missed them." I said go for it, they're your babies. Getting down on the ground playing action figures with them, "understanding" the 2 year old's babbling stories, letting the 6 year old take the lead on the storyline....

He wasn't just a father, he was a daddy. I knew he was the one to be the daddy to my children.

He's only gotten sweeter and more loving as the years pass.

14. EventuallyFormer found her perfect fit.

We played Legos on our first date. In our twenties. It was awesome.

15. throwbodobowaybaday's story sounds like a beautiful country song.

We dated in high school, 16 years old, and were locked at the pelvis for two years. We both openly said it was true love and planned to marry and were mocked for it and told it's just puppy love and bla bla bla. Two weeks after graduating his parents announce they are bankrupt and destitute and leaving the state to live on his uncles land and rebuild their lives, he wasn't 18 yet so they took him with. Before he left he reaffirmed that what we had was true love and he wasn't giving up. He'd be 18 soon and promised me he'd be back as soon as possible.

Over the next six months I was miserable in missing him. I dealt with my family telling me he was never coming back, that it wasn't true love and why would he come back for trailer trash (whole other story, maybe another time). I also dealt with his "friends" trying to hit on me and my friends trying to set me up with other people. At first I was resolute in that he would return, we talked often and he reassured me, but after a few months I began to waiver. The entire I felt incomplete as a person, like I wasn't all myself without him and at almost exactly six months I was desperate and about out of hope. I was drafting a letter telling him I couldn't take it anymore and that I "released him" and if he ever came back we'd give it another shot and so on, when he literally knocks on my front door.

It's two days before Christmas and its pouring. He's standing in my doorway openly weeping and smiling and we're immediately in each others arms and I feel like I'M the one who is finally home. Turns out he sold his guitar (his baby) and anything else that was worth anything, took all that money and the money he had saved working since he left the state and bought a bus ticket. He spent 40 hours on a Greyhound and an hour in a cab to get to me because he couldn't stand to be apart.

He had 650 bucks to his name, was essentially homeless, unemployed, he had turned his back on his family, sacrificed everything but the clothes on his back, just for the chance to be with me. That's when I knew. It wasn't even a "He's the one" moment. Its so sappy and cliche but I am literally incomplete without him, I knew nothing would ever come between us ever again and yes we were 18 and stupid and naive and no it wasn't all rainbows and lollipops. But we married at 21, 15 years ago, 20 years together and frankly when its right, its right.

16. Soup_n_sammies puts The Notebook's rain scene to shame.

Walked into our college dining hall soaking wet with a broken umbrella.

This was before we started dating. I thought he was cute, nice, and everyone seemed to genuinely like him (all three still apply). So, one day I'm sitting with some of our friends in the dining hall and it's pouring outside, like biblical flood rain. Husband walks in, completely soaked through with an inside-out umbrella in his hand. Clearly, he'd been walking home, his umbrella crapped out on him, and he got drenched.

Anyone would have walked up to their friends in that situation pissed off or annoyed or even joking about their terrible luck, but husband just found a chair, dropped off the umbrella, and got some dinner, like no biggie, not worth complaining about.

I figured a guy who was both prepared for bad weather and also totally chill when those preparations crapped out on him probably had a pretty good attitude for life.

That was ten years ago next week, and we've been married for five. He still prepares for everything, still takes things in stride when it all goes sideways. He has, though, invested in a better umbrella.

The internet can cause all kinds of problems (R.I.P. attention spans), but it can also be very, very useful. One area where the internet really shines is providing a forum for anonymous sharing. Because we all know how difficult it is when you have a really wild story that you're dying to tell the people in your life, but can't because it's too dark or embarrassing or illegal. So you have to keep it to yourself and it just eats you up inside. This is where websites like Reddit, and the anonymity of a username, come in handy.

Someone asked Reddit this titillating question: "what’s that story you’ve never been able to tell?" These 25 people anonymously share the crazy, embarrassing and illicit stories they've never been able to tell—until now:

1.) From cheaptimemachines:

I found out when I was 28 that my dad's side of the family had been in the witness protection program my entire life, and that their names were not what I had been told.

2.) From Ethanopian:

I work at a cinema and while doing a general check that everything is operating smoothly, a peculiar movement caught my eye. This particular session was a father's Day session for Pixels back in 2015. The entire crowd consisted entirely of fathers and their young children.... Except for the young couple f*cking in the back row.

Poor, innocent 16 year old me, fresh on the job, was gobsmacked and I froze much like a deer in the headlights. I couldn't bring myself to give them the old "Hey please stop f*cking thanks" so the manager gave them the awkward tap on the shoulder.

Cut to the end of the film, the manager and I are at the exit waiting to see the faces of the culprits. Straight out the door, operating at some serious pace is my sister's best friend and her boyfriend. Both, surprisingly, were clearly in a great mood, until she made eye contact with a stunned Ethanopian. No face has ever gone from all smiles to utter horror so quick.

3.) From toddtheoddgod:

About 6 months ago, I was very close to suicide. I actually was about to do it. Thinking about killing myself and at one point I had agreed to myself I would end it. I got home that night and it was just me and my cat as my fiancé was at work. my cat (I think she knew I was sad) and she NEVER SITS in peoples laps, sat up in my lap and proceeded to flip on her belly and play wrestle with my hand. I broke down for about 3 hours. My fiancé came home knowing none the wiser, but had brought my favorite dish from her work (brewery) cuz she knew I was feeling down. I’ve never told her that was the night I decided not to pull the trigger.

4.) From Loggerdon:

When I was a college freshman I tried to boil 3 eggs then fell asleep. I woke up to a smell. I went to the stove and the water was completely gone from the pot. So like an idiot I got some water in a big bowl and poured it into the pot. You probably know where this is going. The eggs exploded like dynamite. Scalding hot egg hit my face. It blew me back and knocked me to the floor.

Here's the scary part. I felt my face and looked at the egg on my finger but thought it was burnt skin coming off my face. I almost started crying. How badly burned was I that the my facial skin came off to the touch? I walked to the bathroom, shaking, and looked in the mirror. I expected to see a horribly disfigured face but I saw egg and eggshells. I wiped it with my hand and felt incredible relief. I also felt incredibly stupid, but so what, right?

I spent the next hour cleaning egg off the ceiling, the walls, the floor etc. My face was red for a couple days.

5.) From yosoycory:

In elementary school, we had a program called D.A.R.E. where a police officer would come into our class and teach us about the dangers of substance and alcohol abuse. At the end of the year, he prompted us to write an essay about what we learned over the course of the year in D.A.R.E. He also advised us that the author of the best essay in the class would receive a stuffed lion, appropriately named Darren. Now I really wanted this lion, but the problem with that was my writing skills were those of a typical third grader. There was no way that anything I wrote about my time in D.A.R.E. would stand out enough from my fellow classmates to win Darren. So I did what any desperate 10 year old would do...

Googled "D.A.R.E. essay contest winners," and then plagiarized the first one that came up in my searches. Now this was done diligently, carefully proofreading to ensure that I wasn't going to turn in an essay with somebody else's name in it somewhere. I went through and changed phrasing or a word here and there, but by no means would it pass through turnitin. com with less than 90% plagiarized. Confident in my chances of winning Darren, I turned in the essay to Mr. Officer, and what do you know?! A week later we had our end of year reception, at the municipal building which also contained the police station. He listed the top three essays, third place, second place, and then he said holding Darren, "The best D.A.R.E. essay submitted this year was written by yosoycory! Come on up here, get your Darren stuffed animal, and read your essay to us please."

I was so excited I won the animal it was never even a thought that crossed my mind that I would have to deliver this speech. So I reluctantly walked up, took my stuffed animal, and all I can remember at this point is shaking so bad, it looked like I was going to fall over at the mic. All of my classmates, all of their parents, and the entire local municipality's worth of police officers with their full attention on me, a 10 year old little fraud of a student.

To this day, it's one of my most shameful moments, and I still have Darren sitting on my desk for discouragement from copying other's work.

6.) From princesspussypie:

found an online profile of someone in another country. On a whim, decided to go on vacation together. Didn't do any communication other than email, got on 24h worth of flights, met up and paddled off that day. We spent 26 days canoeing from the tundra to the arctic and didn't see anyone else the whole time.

7.) From Hollyhockcolorado:

My mom probably has factitious disorder. She used to gather my siblings and I together to "announce" she has "insert cancer or deadly disease here" and then make us cry and hug her. She has ruined so many of my major life events to rant about herself and all of her illnesses.

I haven't called to check in on her with everything that is going on because I do not want to hear her hours long spew of disease and sickness because I always think she is lying. She may actually be at serious risk of death from Covid-19 and I still don't want to hear her talk about it. She could die and I think I would feel relief.

8.) From Bandannab93:

I grew up in a very conservative household, sex was never talked about at all, and you knew if you got caught with something you shouldn't you'd be in giant trouble. When I was seventeen I bought a vibrator (I had literally no experience, even alone, but was super curious). The way it worked was you had to screw the bottom off it onto keep the batteries in and to turn it on. I put it underneath my bed, and thought I had it unscrewed enough that it would stay off until later.

Well, I'm downstairs listening to a CD player with my headphones on, and suddenly I hear my two young sisters yelling about something and running around the house. I take my headphones off and I hear 'BZZZZZZ', echoing through the house. My room was directly above the living room, and my floor was wooden. They're feeling out, thinking there's a wasp in the house or something electrical is about to explode. Thank God my parents weren't home, they probably would have figured it out a lot easier.

One sister runs upstairs, realizes it's coming from my room, and I dash ahead of her and just throw myself over the bed to feel underneath it. I turn off the vibrator and then tell them my old phone was under there and must have had an alarm on it (which made no sense, it'd been months since I changed phones). They don't believe me and think it must be the pipes under my room. They tell my parents when they get home that 'the pipes freaked out'. My family listens closely for MONTHS to see if we need to call a plumber.

I decided to take my terrible secret to the grave, and then ten years later post it on reddit. The end.

9.) From 0ldGeezer:

My father seldom spoke of his wartime experiences. I’ve only heard two direct stories from his mouth. He once recounted how his brother (they fought together) was shot and later died from infection. The other memory was of his desertion. During a battle, he hurt his wrist from falling and sat there in the mud, wincing in pain and catching his breath. As he peered out, seeing all the death and destruction, he was suddenly hit with an intense feeling of futility. And not just mere futility, but he realized also the absurdity of it all.

“I got up and just walked away,” he said, “leaving my weapon right there on the ground.” He disappeared into the surrounding woods, somehow managing to get back home, which was nearly 300 miles away. “Weren’t you worried about getting in trouble?” I asked in all my childlike innocence. He explained that things were desperate by the time he entered the war. He was underage, so he lied about his name and age in order to “enlist.” He received little to no training and was immediately thrust into action. “They had nothing on me,” he said. “I enlisted with little more than a handshake.”

Although he was ineligible to receive a pension because of his false and/or lacking records, I’m under the impression he never would’ve accepted such. He was ashamed of that part of history and developed a profound distaste for government. This story was kept pretty hushed in our family as we didn’t want the surrounding community to know of his desertion and label him a coward. I, however, always admired him for doing what he did.

10.) From JGT420:

I moved to the UK from zimbabwe when I was 4. The first few years my parents spent their whole time trying to settle down, by the time I was 8 they realised we had never been to london. So on a hot june day we went into london. We went to the aquarium, Covent garden to see all the performers, on the london eye, it was a good day. To end the day we went to buckingham palace, I was tired so I was resting my head against the bars asking all the questions youd expect from an 8 year old. After a while my parents said it was time to go, i pushed away from the bars and then felt the cold steel against the back of my ears. I hadn't noticed my head has slipped through. I panicked, a crowd gathered (I'm probably in many a family photo album) even a horse guard came to see what the commission was about.Bet he wasnt expecting a child with his head stuck. By then I had accepted this as my new home, but I couldn't figure out how I'd go to sleep with a spike on the floor. Luckily an old lady had a tub of vaseline in her handbag and my dad was able to pull me out with my head smothered in vaseline.

11.) From Why-Me-God:

When I was in kindergarten I fell asleep on the bus to school. No one woke me up.

I wake up eventually and the bus is empty. I panic, as any 5 year old does, and run to the front of the bus and try the door. It’s locked.

It was parked in a kfc parking lot, so people were coming in and out of the building. I started wailing with terror, banging on the glass doors, snot pouring down my face and into my mouth as people walk by and point at me. They mumbled and got Into their car and left.

By the time the bus driver finally came back out with her chicken meal, the entire door was covered in my slobber and tears. She instructed me how to open the closed door so she didn’t have to put her meal down. I was still freaking out obviously and didn’t understand. So she SIGHED, put her food down and finally opened the door and asked me what was I doing there?!?

She called the school and drove me there, still covered in snot. I remember walking into my class with everyone standing in a line and hugging me one at a time.

After that day, they made a rule for all bus drivers to get up and walk the bus front to back to make sure no kids get left sleeping.

12.) From Jerryfizzlepop:

When I was about fourteen I found a slingshot in the woods. It was a pretty good slingshot that must have cost a fair bit as it had a metal frame and a thick rubber sling. One day my friend and I were on top of a hill out in the countryside and a jogger came running out of the nearby treeline. He was some distance away and below us. Without putting a lot of thought into it I shot a stone just above his head. The rock went exactly where I wanted it to, but if there was wind, or my aim was off, or a thousand other factors, I would have seriously f*cked that jogger up. I muse on that at least once a week. I never see my friend and we haven't spoken about it since it happened.

13.) From theothergirlonreddit:

2014- It was my first night in college, my roommates (strangers) didn't show up. We lived in a 3 story apartment complex, with 4 apartments each level in a "freshman" building. Well the neighbors are partying and I get out of my comfort zone and walk outside. Outside, some guys are drinking and one of the guys invites me in to party and so begins my college experience.

Lo and behold, I get wasted just like many of the others. I head back to my apartment on the same level and the party has moved slightly to my apartment, but there are just like 6 people there. I start asking people to leave as I'm going to bed, but I'm so drunk, I know I don't care if they stay or go.

I go to my room and there is a guy crashed in it. I tell him he doesn't need to leave, but please move over and he does.

I wake up and freak out because I have a boyfriend. I check to make sure we didn't have sex. "No, but you came into my apartment asking everyone to leave and told me I could stay in your bed and hopped in."

Confused, I ask him to clarify. "Dude, this isn't your apartment."

Took about 30 seconds to realize I just arrived at the wrong apartment and slept in a stranger's bed, my first night in college. 🤦‍♀️

14.) From zebbojojo:

The time my mum needed to go back into the house to get a scarf. Because of this we were held back and missed a bus by 10 seconds. That bus then crashed into a bridge at very high speed because the bus driver had mental health problems. It is the closest I have ever been to death. I will never complain about my mum going back to get a scarf in my life again.

15.) From gravitr0n:

The night my son was born, my wife lost a lot of blood. In an instant, our delivery room was filled with 25 medical personnel after a 'rapid response' call. My wife was white as a ghost and hardly coherent. I stood beside her holding her hand while she received emergency blood and plasma and platelets. I was in total shock in the moment, until my wife locked eyes with me and asked 'am I dying?'. I lost it. I'm losing it now typing this... it was the scariest moment of my entire life and I really have trouble reliving it.

8 months later, wife and baby are happy and healthy. Give birth in hospitals! You never know what can go wrong and the staff there saved her life that night.

16.) From Nanjero76:

Back when I was in highschool, I wanted to approach this girl on a bus on my way to school. She was really hot and I knew I'd regret it if I didn't approach her. There was one big problem: there was a middle-aged lady seated next to her and I couldn't talk to this girl with the lady right next to her. I had to think of a quick way to get rid of the lady.

I then woke up from my seat, slowly walked to the row they were seated and calmly asked the lady "excuse me ma'am could you please let me sit next to my sister?"

Turns out the lady was the girl's mom.

17.) From PraetorOfSilence:

I nearly died at work. I was removing the main supply (200V, 3P) wire on the machine we just successfully overhauled. The problem is, I wasn't aware that the main circuit breaker was still turned on. I already had the gut feeling to check the breaker, but I was stubborn and proceed to remove the wires. As I removed the second wire, I accidentally short circuited it, creating a huge spark right in front of my eyes. First thing I did was to check my hand, which was thankfully unharmed but had visible dark spots due to the strong electric current on the short circuiting of the wires. Good thing I was half conscious and went on to turn off the main circuit breaker. Some of my work mates saw and approached me while asking if everything was alright. After removing the wire, I took a walk and had a deep thought what might happened to me if those wires touched me. I might have suffered a severe third degree burn, or lose a limb, or died from electrocution. Folks, always be careful and always trust your gut feeling.

18.) From UnderTails63:

In 6th grade one night I was like, I really don’t feel like going to school tomorrow, so I looked up how to get a fever... I found a tutorial that said to take a bath at the hottest temperature your bathtub will go, and then stay up all night. I decided to try it and I started the water for a steaming hot bath. It stung to get in it, and I somehow survived it for 30 minutes, when I was getting out I felt dizzy and then... I fell on the floor and had a seizure... I woke up and saw the blinding ceiling lights of the bathroom and the first thing I thought was ,”Am I dead?” And then I threw up in the toilet next to me and had a migraine for the night. And later found out I got 1st degree burns. So long story short, don’t do that.

19.) From SquabOnAStick:

6 years ago, I was in Svalbard. Walking to my accommodation out of town with shopping in light snow(mid winter), little visibility.
A guy on a snowmobile drives up behind me, and asked where my gun was - they suggest you always have one for polar bears.
I didnt have one, and he was like, you crazy! Get on the snowmobile, theres a polar bear in town!
So I did, shopping bags and all.
Lucky me!

20.) From stopstaringatmeswan4:

I keep my sex life private irl, so I have never told anyone about the one and only time I had sex in public, and subsequently the one and only time I got caught having sex. By someone in an airplane.

My bf and I were out at the deserted quarry on the edge of town and we were going at it when a little 2 seater plane flew overhead. The plane then proceeded to turn around and fly over us again, this time dipping (wiggling?) its wings when it was overhead.

21.) From Wrong_Answer_Willie:

around 42 years ago, my little brother was playing with matches and set the woods on fire, burned about 10 acres.

everyone assumed that it was me smoking in the woods so he and I just let it be me.

I took the blame (and the ass whooping) because Dad was kinda rough on the ass whoopings when he was mad. and I didn't want my little brother to have to take it.

Being that Dad got a little carried away this time (broke my arm) we've just never told anyone the truth.

22.) From HexagonPenis:

In 6th grade, we had this paper we had to write, I forget what the subject was. I decided to procrastinate a lot. Then the day it was due rolled around, and I had nothing. We had to read our papers out loud in front of the class. I was totally prepared to take the zero, but then I realized he wasnt actually taking the papers we used. So I decided to go up to the front of the class with a blank sheet of paper, and improvise. I ended up getting an 80.

23.) From PryzeTheBest:

I haven’t been able to really tell this story since it’s so strange.

When I was a night shift CNA at a assisted living I had a resident have a wild week.

When I was doing my rounds at midnight she came barreling out of her room with her cross and white as a ghost. I asked if she had a nightmare and she responded “there is a man in my room telling me to get out of his room”

I peeked inside her room and saw it was empty. I was still internally set on her dreaming. She walked around with me most of that night.

The next night was even more bizarre. I have a pager that lets me know if any residents need help or if any doors are opened. Well it’s 2am and the front door alarm goes off. That freaked me out since all the doors were locked. As I head up to the front to investigate I see that resident with the door wide open and looking up at the sky. I asked her what she was doing and she replied “Death is coming for X I have to let him in”

For days she kept talking about the angry man in her room. How he kept her up, he yelled at her, and threw things on the floor. My curiosity got the best of me. “X, what does the man look like” as she described him my heart sank.... she was perfectly describing a resident who lived in the room previously who passed away (he didn’t like ANYONE in his room). “Did he ever tell you his name?” I asked she looked at me “it’s X” (his name)

I asked the other workers if anyone mentioned anything about that resident. All have denied.

She was moved to another room 2 days later after her family was very concerned for her wellbeing. Her night mares have since stopped. Another resident has moved into the room and hasn’t had any problems.

I’ve had bizarre things happen to me working at that facility, but nothing has topped that one.

24.) From theprinterdoesntwerk:

When I was 17, I worked at a grocery store with a guy named Brian. Normal guy, mid 20s, lil chub. Didn't really think much of him.

One day he tells me about how he lives in an apartment by himself and that his neighbours are absolutely crazy. Like they would yell at him to be quiet, pound against the wall to get him to shut up, even though he wouldn't be doing anything. He would sneeze, and his neighbours would scream at the top of their lungs from next door. It was that bad.

Tbh, I didn't really care much when he was telling me this. I just wanted to go home and not work anymore.

Couple days go by and I noticed that Brian wasn't showing up anymore. Whatever. Didn't think much of that either. A month or two goes by and he finally shows back up to work. So, being the nice friend I am, I asked him where he's been. He tells me he was actually fired because he was in the hospital. I didn't think that was a valid reason to fire someone, but what do I know. I didn't comment on that. I asked him why he was in the hospital and he told me it was for "personal reasons". I tell him it was good having him back, and carried on with my day.

Fast forward a couple days to me talking to another coworker who was good friends with Brian. He says "Did you hear what happened to Brian?"

"Yeah he was in the hospital and was fired or something"

"Do you know why though?"

"No, he said it was personal"

So this is what happened a couple months ago before Brian disappeared. He was at home by himself, when his neighbours (surprise) start yelling at him through the walls for being too loud. Brian telling himself "I've had enough" decides to call the police and have them deal with it. The police arrived and started talking to the neighbours for quite some time. Hours go by with the police and neighbours. So he calls the police again to ask what's taking so long. The police respond with "..um.. We left like an hour and a half ago."

Turns out that the neighbours were never yelling at him. In fact, they were never there. Brian was schizophrenic and was hearing voices in his head. He had to go to a mental hospital for a month.

25.) From HDSQ:

One time I accidentally posted a highly NSFW copypasta on a Facebook group that I thought was private and all my friends were notified since I didn't make an alt account. Months later I still avoid the subject whenever people try to bring it up.​​​​​​​

Given the booming online market, brick and mortar pawn shops feel like a time capsule. And while a lot of reselling has moved to the web, dropping by a local pawn shop is still the quickest way to get cash in hand for the items you no longer want.

Of course, one of the biggest misconceptions about pawn shops is that they'll throw a pretty chunk of change at any and everything, and that expectation grows worse when you add the misinformation many people have about resale value.

Plus, old school pawn shops tend to draw colorful characters who feel more comfortable with the IRL exchange, which means even more bizarre and amusing stories unfold during transactions.

In a popular Reddit thread, pawn shop employees shared some of the best reactions they've seen from people trying to sell completely worthless objects.

1. From SkyGuy182:

Having worked at a pawn shop before, I can say there are plenty of amazing stories of customers and their antics. Usually the best stories revolve around jewelry. This one woman came in with a big gold-colored ring and wanted to get a few hundred dollars for it. Picking it up and looking at it I could tell it was super fake, and I tried to explain that to her. She wouldn’t buy it because “the street vendor told me it was solid 14kt.” I went and picked up our huge earth magnet and put it near the ring, and it shot right to it. I explained that solid gold is not magnetic.

She was stunned, and couldn’t believe that she had spent like $200 for it.

2. From lostintheblue:

The best one I had was a lady trying to pawn her grandmas antique DVD player.

She said it was like 50years old and wanted $100.

I showed her the stamp on the back that said it was made in 2009. And she said oh I grabbed the wrong one.

3. From NUMBerONEisFIRST:

I own a similar store. People still think their beanie babies have value. People also tend to think what items sell for online are what they will sell for at the same price and speed locally.

4. From Guitarfoxx:

I don't own one but I did work in work for a couple of years, the most memorable one was only about 30 seconds. Large sweaty man walks in with a belt sander, set it down on the counter in front of me and plugged right in. Made direct eye contact and switched it on. The sander immediately made a loud popping sound and smoke begin to rise. Unplugged it, turned around and walked out without a single word between us.

5. From Thomasrdotorg:

I used to work in a surf shop. We used to throw the sh*tty boards, ones we couldn't sell, were broken or were projects for later in the backyard of the shop.

One night someone stole some of the boards-unbeknownst to us-and then he came round and tried to sell them to us.

Yes, he tried to sell as the boards he stolen from us.

My boss just laughed and said "these are so terrible we will just throw them in the backyard". So now he had stolen boards that no one wanted and had to dispose of.

6. From Tehgumchum:

I use to have to go the pawnbrokers quite frequently when i was younger and got to know some of the dealers, they often showed me some of the stuff people brought in, a large collection of porn tapes, sex toys and an incubator that had been loaned out by a hospital, no idea why the dealers accepted that one.

7. From MadPat:

Hey! I was the dummy on this one. I looked into a pawn shop store and there was a sign saying "Why are 1968 pennies worth almost $20.00?"

I look through my penny collection and found a 1968 penny.

I walked into the shop and showed him my penny.

Then he began smiling and smiling and snickering and giggling.....

And, all of a sudden, I realized I did not have one thousand nine hundred sixty eight pennies. I had one penny.

That guy was a real smarta*s.

I do not frequent pawn shops anymore.

8. From Nikkysikk:

Not the owner but I worked in a small pawn shop for about three years and my personal favorite was a greasy guy came in and dumped out a garbage bag of broken computer fans and a few assorted computer parts. We laughed for a few minutes and realized this guy was serious. My boss asked him how much he wanted for it all and the guy said he didn't know how much it would be worth but he heard there was gold in computer parts. We had to break it to this guy that the plastic computer fans had no gold in them and we can check out the other parts. My boss gave him $5 for his trouble.

9. From rydencyborg:

My dad runs one. One guy brought in a huge bag of wheat pennies expecting to walk out with a big pay day but really they aren't worth all that much. I think he offered the guy like $20 and he stormed off mad.

10. From Huegod:

Not an owner but am a frequent shopper. Saw a meth head couple try and sell their off brand, wires cut, 20 inch car stereo speakers for $200. When the guy wouldn't bite they flipped out yelling "you legally have to buy anything". They threw such a tantrum he called the cops. They were arrested. Car searched and wouldn't you know, drugs all up in it. Afterward I got a good deal on some cordless power tools.

Edit: to clarify, battery powered cordless tools and the owner had signalled an employee to call police. So the couple didn't know they were on the way.

11. From djf1207:

I worked in one for a few years. Not really a "best reaction" but a girl came in already in tears holding an engagement ring. Everyone at a pawn shop feels obliged to tell you why they are selling/pawning and she told me she had recently moved across the country and had just found out that her fiancé had married her friend back home.

The big problem was that I could tell it was a fake as she was walking in the door. All I could tell her was "if you thought he was an a*shole before you came in here you're not going to like what I'm about to tell you". Ended up giving her $5 for a worthless ring just to give her something and she ended up a bit happier cuz she now had something new to hate him for and couldn't wait to tell him.

12. From SplendidTit:

Oh man, my great uncle owns a pawn shop and some of the sh*t there is hilarious or heartbreaking.

• People trying to sell free old TVs they got on craigslist for hundreds of dollars because now they are "vintage."

• Obviously rented instruments for their kid's band class that have tags on them from the rental place.

• And oh geeze, do people get pissed about engagement rings. He literally has a bag of engagement rings, they so easy to come by. Women tend to be sad when they find out they get almost nothing or are fake. Men tend to get aggressive, enough that he has my cousin up front watch out extra-careful when he tells a dude he can't pay really much of anything for what the dude thought was an "investment" ring.

• The excuses people make when obviously stolen stuff are just horrible, especially if he asks them if they can prove they are the owner of the item.

On the other hand, if someone is in trying to sell their wedding ring, especially if it's a lady with kids, he's been known to just give them $50 and send them on their way. My cousin who works with him has a stack of brochures for drug and alcohol treatment resources and stuff like that that she regularly gives out.

13. From SkitzoControl:

I would like to share the opposite: girls thought they had worthless cards ended up being very worthwhile.

I worked in a comic book shop that also sold trading cards. In this case, Magic: the Gathering. Two young girls came in, maybe 14/15 years old with a small box of cards. They said they found it on their uncle's closet that passed away, figured it was worthless, and just wanted to see the worth.

I thought the same, and opened up the box of cards to take a quick glance and was a little alarmed at what I saw - Alpha and Beta cards, a couple of Power 9 cards, and this was just the first 10 cards in. I stopped, said, "I'm really sorry, I'm not familiar with these older cards," I lied, I just wasn't authorized to try to buy something of this magnitude, "I'll need to call the store owner."

I called him, and at first he was annoyed because the other store he was visiting had a Ford plow through the front window. He just said to not bother with a trade-in, until I causally mentioned some of the cards there in the stack. He said, "Don't let those cards leave the building. I'm on my way," and hung up.

The girls couldn't wait, and I asked if they wouldn't mind leaving the cards with me, along with their names and phone numbers, and we could get back to them. When the owner came in, he went to the back, got some gloves, and went through all the cards.

I stayed after my shift because I just wanted to see it unfold. The owner gained like 10000 respect points from me when the girls and an older woman, presumably somebody's mother, came back in, as he was straight with them. He said, "What you have here is all very worthwhile. There isn't a card in this box that would sell for less than about $5. But these cards here," he fanned out some cards that I couldn't see, "are the most valuable in the box. And this one," be pulled a card away, "would sell for the price of these, and the entire box, at least twice as much. I do not have enough money available to make you a fair offer. What you have here is easily worth about $20,000 to a collector."

The girls' mouths dropped open. The owner offered them everything he had available in the shop - about $6,000. They accepted.

14. From esuranme:

Not a pawn shop, but I used to work at a mobile electronics store (alarms, cruise controls, stereos, etc). Had a guy come in with a box full of outdated high end stereo equipment (head unit, EQ, preamp, 3 amplifiers, & some nice crossovers); I told him that most of it was worthless to me, but offered him $40 cash or $65 store credit. He flipped out & began a rant about how all this stuff cost over $2,000 when he bought it (yeah, 16 years ago!).

I calmly explained that he may be able to get more for it on eBay or something, but I have to make a profit so I cannot offer much; I also explained I wouldn't have offered anything if I wasn't personally interested in the crossovers. He slammed everything back into the box & stomped out while calling us every name in the book.

As he was walking out the door he looked back over his shoulder, yelled something & flipped us off....this is where he messed up....since he wasn't looking where he was stepping, he tripped over the curb & spilled the entire box of gear into a huge puddle (a very deep pothole full of rain).

It was hard not to stick my head out the door & Bellow out a loud "hah!"

15. From Sparky_321:

Heard this one. A guy tried to sell a "vintage" $5 bill, thinking it was worth over $4000.

The bill was made in 2016.

Edit: The guy had some mental issues.

16. From pauwiz:

I was a Pawn Broker for a while. So many junkies trying to sell fake jewelry. But this one lady really stood out. She came in with a chain & pendant in a cute little box. First thing we do is look for marking, while I was doing that she started getting feisty, yelling at me saying "why are you doing that? Don't you see it says made in Italy!? Hey stop are you blind!?"

At this point I'm like "okay lady, we can't take this. It's not real gold" and she just flips out saying it doesn't matter it's from Italy and this and that. Called me stupid and flipped the finger at all the staff. All we did is laugh, but as she reved off she hit a BMW and the owner saw her. We turned over the security taping to the cops, f*ck that lady lol.

17. From DeadSpaceChick:

I worked in a buy/sell/trade video game store. Day after day, people would come in with common Atari stuff, PS2 Rockband guitars and drumsets, throwaway original Xbox or PlayStation 1 games, Superman 64 yada yada yada. They would be so happy and excited, and I had to be the one to break it to them that they weren't going to get hundreds of dollars for their crap.

"But I spent $60 on it when it was new!" "We have taken really good care of it!" "We have never even used it!" "It's for the N64, isn't it vintage?" "What do you mean a third party Xbox controller isn't worth the trade in price for a Microsoft brand one? They're the same thing!"

Day in, day out.

I had a woman who threw a complete fit that we wouldn't take her Wii Rockband drum set or 2 guitars. She also had 25 DVDs, an Original Xbox and a Wii, neither of which could read discs, and about 30 bottom shelf games. All of the discs were scratched to oblivion, and everything reeked of cigarette smoke and was yellow. When I told her that the only things we could take were the 2 controllers that came with the Xbox, she yelled, threw the box of DVDs on the floor and proceeded to rearrange games on our shelves as she stormed out.

The man she was with just picked everything up and they left. They tried going to our second location, but we called them and let them know what had happened. They got the same deal there, and she threw the same fit.

That's the problem with running a local video game store: most people think they have a secret gold mind when they just have run-of-the-mill crap.

18. From banjohusky95:

I buy and repair typewriters. It's an odd niche hobby of mine more than anything. Typewriters can go for a lot of money! But, most aren't honestly worth what people want. 85% of typewriters are worth no more than $125 in pristine condition. Many times people will try to sell their inherited typewriters for $50 to $1000 more in some cases than they're worth.

I've seen one person try to sale a typewriter to me for $650 because he saw one online for $700 in a different color. I had bought the exact same typewriter 3 days before for $63. One typewriter, several people were trying to all sell them for $150-250. I bought one, in amazing condition, better than the higher priced ones for $70.

Just because someone labels something a price and/or because its old doesn't mean its worth that price or valuable. That's not how it works.

EDIT : WOAH, this blew up! Glad to see people interested in my odd hobby. I'll do my best to reply to everyone, post some advice and/or links tomorrow, maybe even a quick improved video for Reddit in about 24 hours. For now, I must sleep! Got class and work tomorrow morning!

19. From bloodinthepool:

I once had this old fellow try to sell me a tribal wooden African figure in a grass skirt. You know the type. When I told him it was worthless, he tried to convince me that the skirt was made out of real lions mane! When I inevitably shot him down and called his bluff, he pulled a bic lighter out of his pocket. "D'you wanna buy this instead then?"

20. From

GingerBeard73:

Hardcore Pawn (A "reality" show based out of a pawn shop in Detroit Michigan) had just aired an episode where a woman had a Burmese Ruby in her jewelry and she got $10,000 for it.

For the following month anyone who had a red colored stone came strolling into my store thinking they had the same thing.

Spoiler alert: nobody did.

Is there anything scarier than dealing with a freaky situation at someone else's house?!

If danger or anxiety strikes when you're at home, you're at least armed with the comfort of your own bed, all your favorite coping mechanisms, and hopefully at least one blunt object you can use as a weapon. But when you're at someone else's place, all the rumpled guts of a scary moment are magnified without the comprehensive freedom and knowledge of home.

In a popular Reddit thread, people shared the scariest things that happened to them at other people's houses, and it might make social distancing sound a fraction less awful.

1. From dimsious:

I once spent the night at a friend's house. His drunken uncle shook me awake and then my friend as well with all the noise he was making. I opened my eyes startled to see a gun to my face and he demanding who the F I was. I was scared speechless and just looked at my friend hoping he'd chip in for me. He did. He said, "Uncle! That's my friend! Chill! Uncle! That's my friend!" His uncle then put it down and just walked away as if nothing had happened. He was drunk.

2. From _Bunshun:

I was house sitting for an aunt of mine while she was on holiday - she told me there was a leak in the lounge area but it was fixed, so if there were any issues to let her know.

A massive storm happened a couple nights in. I heard some trickling in the early hours so I went to go check that there wasn't a leak.

The entire wall was flooding with water, like an actual waterfall. Turns out the spouting was blocked and the water was just forcing its way through the cracks in the wall.

I knew it wasn't my fault, but it was so terrifying watching someone's house fall apart on your watch, just piling towels on the floor and shifting furniture to keep everything dry.

3. From ErrorNumber3437:

I was at this strangers house to give him some money for accidentally hitting him on his bike (I was also on a bike), and the first thing I notice is that his house is really dark. Not in that his lights weren’t on; his house didn’t have lights at all. No ceiling lights or lamps or anything. Homeboy legit used a flashlight around his own house to get around and find things

Next thing I know, this guy who I’ve spoken maybe 100 words or less to is showing me a straight up two handed sword and matching dagger that are both RAZOR SHARP. This is one of those people who have a harder time being quiet than thinking of things to say, and next thing you know I’ve been into every room in his place and met his pet parrot the size of a f*cking eagle.

The reason I was there in the first place was to replace a handmade Italian seat for his bike, and he ended up giving me: a pair of $30 gloves, the old gloves that got a few scratches on them when I hit him, 5-10 high end protein/power bars, and a glass of strawberry lemonade. Definitely a strange experience.

4. From viktor72:

I wasn't in the house, but just outside it. I went to visit my paternal grandmother at her house. She kept the door locked so she had to come over to unlock it when I arrived. Her living room has large windows that overlook the street and you can even see the door from there so I could easily see her and she could see me. My grandmother was frail and suffered from arthritis and in fact she passed not long after this.

As she was walking to the door she fell down in the living room. I had no key to the house and I was freaking out. I had no idea what to do. I was ready to freaking break the living room window in or call 911 then she somehow managed to climb back up using furniture to prop herself back to a standing position and open the door. After that day I demanded a key to the house from my parents.

I hate to think what would've happened if she didn't miraculously get back up. I felt so helpless. Nearly as hopeless as the time my maternal grandfather fell crossing a busy street and traffic was starting back up down the street. At least that time I was able to prop my grandfather up and carry him over to the side of the road before the cars reached us.

Moral of the story, watch for your elders falling!

5. From ifyoudothemath:

The first time meeting my boyfriend's family, who live in another country, we stayed in his old attic bedroom. In the middle of the night, he reaches over and shakes me awake. "Huh?" I mumble and he says, "shhh... be very still...I think there is someone else in the house." I lay motionless, thinking that someone has broken in and I'm about to be psycho murdered. Listening to the sounds of the old creaky attic, convinced every gust of wind is a foot step. He puts his arm around my head, covering my ears. I don't move for hours in fear... until I hear him snoring.

And that was the night I discovered, for the first time, he talks in his sleep.

edit: Thanks for the silver! To celebrate, I'll share 1 of the (many) other stories of his sleep-talking:

We were in bed discussing things we need to pick up at the store. I was making a mental note, "so... eggs, milk, bread... I think that's all... anything else?" He goes, "oh, can you add rope to the list?" I go "yeah, sure." A few seconds pass. "Wait, what do we need rope for?" "For the net," He says. "Cool... what net?" "You know, the net for the trap." "What trap?!" "The trap for Vince Vaughn! We have to stop him... stop him before he kills us."

6. From Valblaze:

I was watching a friends kids when I was in the Army. I was crashed out on the couch early one morning when the door flung open and 3 kids that didn't live there entered the house, the one in front had a gun.

They were making a b line for the kids bedrooms and had not noticed me on the couch.

Scared as sh*t but not gonna let them just kill the kids I was watching I jumped up and barreled into the lead kid and took the gun.

There was screaming and the kids I was watching came running out into the front room.

Turns out it was a BB gun, the kid with the gun had just received it as a gift and wanted to show the kids I was watching. The visiting kids had been told by the resident kids that their rents were away for the weekend so they just bardged in.

Of note they were all like 13 so it wasn't exactly hard to take the BB gun, still scared the sh*t out of me.

7. From designmur:

I had hallucinations from a fever while staying over at a friend’s and thought the dad was just downstairs screaming all night. It was like living through a horror movie. I still have nightmares about it almost 20 years later. The fever was so bad I had a seizure the next day.

8. From tranquilFury15:

When I was around eleven years old i got exploding diarrhea all over my best friends bathroom. I got very close with her mom that night because I had no idea what to do and she came and helped me clean it up. We grew apart after we graduated high school, but she still reminds me of it sometimes. Now it's funny, but it was traumatizing at the time.

9. From ihaveabugcalledmatt:

I was spending the night at a friends place in early high school. We were taking a walk around the block and turning onto her street when her little sister runs out of their house and screams bloody murder. She starts running for us, yelling “He’s killing her (friends name)! He’s killing her!”. We all run to the house where the mom is getting beaten by the stepdad. It was a scary night for sure.

10. From joeyjojojnrshabadu:

About 14 years old. Sleeping over at my friend’s house, and in the middle of the night we heard some rustling around in her enclosed patio (which was adjacent to the living room we were sleeping in.) We shrugged it off because she had two very active outdoor cats who generally slept in the patio.

When we woke up the next morning and went out there to eat breakfast, we saw the screen door had been slashed and several pieces of furniture (TV, etc) were gone. So the rustling we heard in the middle of the night were actually burglars. Not sure if they knew that several teenage girls were in the living room, but still freaks me out a bit when I think about it...

11. From TruthTacos:

Slept over at my friend’s house one summer night during high school. Woke up to his mom calling out to him because his step dad was unresponsive and passed away during the night.

12. From SpookyHorn:

I was 11yo and at my friend's house, his parents and all of his siblings were home. Everyone but his dad was in the front room of the house. His dad was doing yard work in the backyard. I got up to go to the bathroom, and while passing the backdoor saw that my friend's dad was on a ladder with an electric tree trimmer. Before I looked away and continued on, his dad fell off the top rung of the ladder and crashed hard on the ground. The tree trimmer was still somehow on and landed next to his body.

The trimmer was going full horror movie and slowly moving towards him and he was not getting up. I'm the only one who saw this happen. So I yelled, "Friend, Friend's mom! Your dad fell, come quick!", and ran outside to pick the trimmer up and move it away. By the time I turned it off and started focusing on him, everyone else was outside. We helped him up, the mom took him to the hospital for back pain and a mild concussion, the older siblings watched us while they were gone, and everyone was very thankful I had to pee.

Edit: It was scary to me because I did not know what to do and acted on adrenaline and instinct. The fall was also pretty intense-looking. I thought I saw a guy die.

13. From phase172:

My friend when I was around 10yrs old used to talk about a ghost in his house that would turn on the radio in the kitchen when you left the room. Called bullsh*t. Well about a month after, I am waiting on him to get out of the shower, and am in the kitchen having a snack.

As I open the cabinet, the radio behind me turns on...I jumped, turn it off, then remember the story. Was afraid to go to the kitchen after that. scary, but only happened the once to me. His mom didn't want to throw it out or move it in fear of angering what ever it was. Not sure what ever happened to that radio.

14. From noahleeann:

Stayed with my bf and his parents for a few weeks. One night, they left me home alone for a few hours. I decided to take a bath. Ventilation fan is on full blast, door is closed, water is running, so I dont hear the beeping. When I turn the tap off, I hear alarms blaring and a robotic voice saying "FIRE. FIRE. FIRE." and someone is banging on the front door. I run downstairs in a towel while calling up my bf.

Neighbor is at the door because he heard the alarm. He has no idea who I am. Alarm company couldn't get ahold of anyone so they called the authorities. Cop cars, ambulance, and firetrucks show up, neighbors all crowd on the lawn. I'm still in a f*cking towel. Firefighters conclude the steam from the bath set off the alarm. I die of humiliation and never take a bath there again.

15. From th3mo0n:

Age 6-8ish. Slept over at a friend’s house with my little brother. Her father woke us all up in the middle of the night, had us bundle up, and loaded us in the family minivan. He drove to a gas station and talked the whole way about how a bakery exploded behind their house. He said the resulting gases and such could kill us, so we had to try and drive as far away as possible.

They were also our next-door neighbors, so I was worried about our parents’ safety. At the gas station, our friend’s mom bought us snacks while he canvassed the area. I told her I didn’t hear any explosion and asked about my parents. She must have called them from a pay phone during the snack run, because they pulled up a few minutes later to take us home. I was, of course, terrified to go home.

Later, our parents sat us down to explain that our friend’s father was sick with something called schizophrenia that makes him hallucinate.

16. From CompedyCalso:

I was a freshman in college when I spent Christmas with my high school buddy who didn't go with his family out of town. I went to his kitchen to get a drink when I looked out his kitchen window and saw two figures jumping his fence. Luckily I saw them before turning on the light, so they didn't see me. I quietly told him to get ready to call the cops, when I saw them making their way to his door.

Without thinking I ran to the door and opened it and yelled, "LAPD! Freeze!" And luckily the two figures got scared and ran away. Thinking back on it they sounded really young and they were probably just gonna ding dong ditch the place or something. But to be safe I stayed with him until his family came home.

17. From op_249:

When I was like 8 or 9 I was at a relative's house for a family gathering when one of my distant relatives flipped out and grabbed a kitchen knife. I don't remember the details but I'm pretty sure he was threatening people. I remember being ushered into a side room with everyone else and being cramped in there for like a minute or two just listening while a few male relatives who had remained outside with the guy encircled him, got him to calm down, and disarmed him. I learned later that the dudes brain was like partially fried or something from drug abuse. Never saw him at any family gatherings again after that.

18. From PeeWaterPoopNoodles:

I was 18 and my friend and I were alone at her house. Her parents were going through a nasty divorce and her dad (who had anger problems) was not allowed to come near the house because the mom had a restraining order. He ended up banging on the door and trying to break in since he knew the mom wasn’t home. We hid in my friend’s room with a samurai sword while she called her mom to come home.

19. From katie_the_chaser:

I was catsitting for some family friends. As I approached the house one evening, I noticed a light was on that hadn't been on that morning. I walked in the front door and yelled up the stairs, but didn't hear anything. There were small things that had been moved around (a knife on the counter and some trinkets, etc) but nothing was missing except the cat (it never came running for its food).

I checked all the rooms but no sign of the kitty. I even checked the fridge, and noticed the pepperoni had been moved from the shelf to the drawer. Why did the cat burgular move the damn pepperoni?!?

Well it turned out that the family had a maid that I didn't know about and she had accidentally closed the cat in a closet.

20. From 42Fab_com:

I house sat for my childhood crush when we were 12ish as her family went on a 6 week road trip around the US. They had a cat and a bird and you see where this is going. This stupid little finch got out of its cage (legit, the cage was closed when I returned the next day), and the cat killed it.

I was obviously scared out of my mind of being "the guy who killed <crush's> bird" so I did the only logical thing and went to the pet store and bought both of the finches they had that looked identical. I had about 2 weeks to figure out which was more like the cat-bait and then, not knowing what to do with the other, I kept it. They never found out, or told me if they did.

That's the story of how I ended up with a pet finch.

Edit: "house sitting" was the wrong word, I went over every day to feed their animals, bring in the mail, etc, they lived pretty close to me. Y'all are some sick f*cks, we were 12. My mom had finches too, hence why I was tasked to take care of this one, we just added it to the flock. The cage had slide-up doors for the food and water tray, I'm convinced that's how the bird got out.

Self-quarantine is giving a lot of people some serious cabin fever.

If you're homeschooling restless children who aren't used to being stuck inside or if you're forced to spend this time with your four roomates you found on the internet and never usually speak to, things are bound to get a little weird.

Since many people are severely stressed out and currently unable to work, some have taken to the internet to share the unique ways they've started to entertain themselves. Using pets, friends, movies, and music, people everywhere are getting seriously creative in their quarantine.

Here are 18 of the funniest posts from people who are very, very bored and doing a great job. Stay safe and inside (if you can!) everyone!

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Sophie Turner is no stranger to social distancing.

Sansa Stark spent a huge chunk of season four in the Eyrie with Lysa Arryn, where there were very few gatherings with over ten people. While hiding from Ramsay Bolton, however, Sansa did not have Instagram, but Sophie Turner does.

Turner, like the rest of us, is social distancing (but unlike the rest of us, is pregnant with Joe Jonas's baby), and turned to her fans on Instagram to keep her entertained.

She revealed a few of her favorite things.

Her favorite movie (one of them, at least) is True Romance.

She watches a lot of TV.

She also reads!

Fiction AND nonfiction!

Turner listens to podcasts.

Her favorite piece of visual art is her husband (awwwwwww!)

Her favorite of his songs are "Fly With Me" and "Hesitate."

In an alternative universe, Sansa and Daenerys are pals.

Here's her wish list for future projects.

She misses UK chocolates$$$$$$.

She likes bourbons (also shout out to her very humble socks).

When she does her "and that's the tea memes," she's sipping English Breakfast.

Her quarantine snack of choice is the all-American Fruity Pebbles.

She's bored of the internet debating whether or not a hot dog is a sandwich.

She moves at a different pace on weekends and weekdays.

She can imagine a world in which chickens have lips.

She likes pasta and that weird filter.

Turner also provided PSAs for douchebag roommates.

I'm stocked up on toilet paper, but to be honest I'm WIPED out by the stress of everything going on right now. My life was totally ON A ROLL before this, I swear. This whole thing scares the CRAP out of me, but I'm trying to laugh when I CAN. Not to TOOT my own horn, but I found some hilarious toilet paper memes that will make you laugh so hard you PEE a little. If you don't find these memes funny, you're a total party POOPER. Ok, I know that these jokes are pretty SH*TTY, but let's FLUSH our stress away by thinking about how much we genuinely love and need T.P. in our lives right now.

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Life comes at ya fast, but even more so when your a parent. One minute there's a crying baby in your arms, the next minute you're a crying baby in their arms as they hug you goodbye on their way to college. Even before a kid turns 18 and becomes a "legal adult," there are lots of smaller moments when parents realize their child has matured and grown up right before their eyes. These moments are exciting and heartbreaking all at once, which pretty much sums up parenthood.

Someone asked parents of Reddit: "when was your 'damn, my kid isn’t a kid anymore' moment?" These 18 parents share their moments of reckoning that will likely make any parent (or child of a parent) cry, so read with kleenex nearby:

1.) From Sixthman27:

When I was starting to get after my son about cleaning his room, and suddenly realized I was looking up at him

2.) From ncconch:

When I started plating four same sized plates of food for dinner.

3.) From gogojack:

I was on vacation in the Bahamas. Atlantis resort. I was in the casino at a video poker machine, and my daughter sat down at the machine next to me...drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

For about a nanosecond I wanted to scold her, but then remembered that she was 20.

That was 2009. She turned me into a grandpa last year.

4.) From LittleMissWu:

The day I found my Unscented Lubriderm chilling on his nightstand.

oh. so that's now a thing.

5.) From Crazyyy_Cat_Ladyyy:

With the quarantine now, my son (10) is often chatting with classmates while playing Fortnite. His friends were getting really rowdy. My son asked them to quiet down and got hit by a full-blown tantrum shitstorm of "DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME TO BE QUIET! IMA BLOCK YOU! TAKE THAT BACK, YOU *?$#!@!"
My son just calmly said "Bye", and hung up. Worked it out once the situation had cooled down.
He handles conflict better than I do. He's teaching me how to be a better person. This is not a kid anymore.

6.) From tarnin:

When my oldest just recenty said "Mom, Dad, I'm moving. Here are my plans, this is who I'm moving in with, and here is how I'll handle my part of the bills". Hit me like a ton of bricks.

7.) From Pointer_Brother:

When she looked at me with disdain & said "take your money back" after the tooth fairy visited. She's 7.

8.) From imk:

Running through the Toronto airport trying to catch our flight that was leaving in 5 minutes. I hear “Dad! Not that way, this way!” She basically took charge from that moment on because she had a cooler head in that moment than I did. We made it to the plane with seconds to spare.

9.) From lost40s:

Besides the fact that he's made me a grandmother (with help from my lovely daughter in law, obviously), there was a recent family tragedy, and they really stepped up and took charge when it was needed. I'm really proud of them (son and daughter in law).

10.) From Rimbosity:

Took my son to Disneyland last SummerSummer if 2018. He was 5'8" or so. Still shorter than I am.

He's now 6'3" and wears a size 14 shoe. Towers over me by five inches.

This summer, he gets his learner's permit to start driving... virus permitting.

11.) From MrRGG:

Daughter 22 just moved 4 states away, to a place she's never been, for a job with a company move. She dealt with many of the company move issues and with finding a place to live and setting up her own utilities.

She is went from girl to grownup in a heartbeat.

I still have whiplash from the change.

12.) From pullin2:

When he hugged me as I buckled into my airline seat -- then walked forward and entered the cockpit.

13.) From harpejjist:

Kid did something dumb so I was scolding him. Then I realized he was looking back at me. In the eye. As in he was my height. He was 9.

I stopped mid-scold and said "Oh, my god, are you as tall as me?" Scolding completely derailed. After that, any time he was in trouble, he wold stand as tall as possible. It was cute. But he was no longer my little baby anymore.

14.) From 64Marc:

Walking down the road with my son to vote in the general election, two days after his 18th.

15.) From dirtandstarsinmyeyes:

My daughter stealing my hair straightener every day before school. It was the beginning of the end. Now she’s a cool tween that teaches me tick tock dances and spills tea about her friends to me.

16.) ​​​​​​​From Jumpinalake:

She just got approved to buy her own home

17.) ​​​​​From douchebagfukboi:

When he dropped me and the Mrs off at the airport when we went on vacation.

18.) ​​​​​​​From chocfrogaddict:

We were shopping and I was looking at dish drainers. I didn't like any but mine was falling apart. He said "why don't you wait and go to a store where you know they have what you want? That way you're not buying something you don't really like and won't use when you finally buy one you do and wasting money"

Kid has a point. I did not buy the dish drainer

“ You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”

-Mae West

Live, love, laugh at memes. If you do all of those things, you can die with absolutely no regrets.

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Do you like laughing? Well good, because these memes are funny as hell. I searched the entire internet to find this hilarious, yet utterly random list of memes just for you.

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Window washers see it all.

As far as cleaning jobs go, washing windows has to be the most entertaining. The people who get paid to spelunk up and down buildings, armed with nothing but Windex and a squeegee, have caught their customers doing everything under the sun.

A recent Reddit thread asked window washers to share the most outrageous things they've spotted on the job. Here are the best responses.

1. Steamy times at the polo club!

I work for a private estate in the local polo club. I was under the impression that the owners were not home at the time, but I was wrong. I was washing windows this particular morning and I came around to the restroom window and got an a prefect view of this older couple in the shower together (the window looked out on a private fenced in patio, so that’s why it wasn’t fogged glass. The window by the toilet is the same way. Bad design in my opinion.)

I’ve never moved faster in my life than I did catapulting myself backwards out of view of this naked couple. I don’t believe they saw me because the next time we ran into each other, everything seemed normal from their end haha. - 6969An0nymous6969

2. She sounds like a great time.

A very famous female comedian in my country had a house in our area and in her bedroom above the bed was a life-size "paint me like one of your French girls" oil painting of her starkers. He nearly fell off the ladder in surprise and she was stood at the bottom wetting herself laughing cause she knew what was coming - ThronesOfAnarchy

3. What's worse than seeing someone naked? This.

A tornado.

We’d had little warning before we saw it about 1 kilometre away. It didn’t appear to be moving side to side much, which indicates that it’s coming towards you. We winched down about 4 floors, jumped onto a fire escape and got inside the building. Rode out the storm inside and then went home. - bfly1800

4. Sometimes it's the noises, not the visuals, that stick with you.

I used to window clean hotels, which meant going room to room with a master key to let myself in. I’ve seen quite a few dildos and vibrators being proudly displayed on bedside tables, but the one situation that stuck with me the longest was just walking down the corridor and hearing two middle aged people going at it in one of the rooms, it was a Georgian hotel in the Cotswolds so very echoey, their screams were getting louder and louder and people were actually coming out of their rooms because it was so audible, all the housekeepers at the end of the corridor were doubled over laughing. That couple had no idea how intimately they shared their experience with us. - EDBANGER-REC

5. That's a lot of dogs.

I used to install and repair windows. One afternoon we'd gone out to a job where some a**hole neighbourhood kids had smashed several back windows of a nice elderly couples place. We worked our way from top. First two windows belonged to an ensuite bathroom, while the third was the bedroom to which the ensuite was attached. The master. My job was to clear any remaining glass from the area so the other bloke could put the new panel in. Anyway, I noticed a small urn on the desk by the window, with the name Triple Scoop engraved upon it, along with two dates, about 4 years apart. "Probably a pet. Hopefully a pet." I'd thought. Didn't think about it for more than a minute, then went back to work. We finished the upstairs windows and went down to work on the two in the kitchen. Holy s***! There was a wall with 5 long shelves, each one holding several urns similar to Triple Scoop upstairs. Turns out the elderly couple used to breed and race greyhounds and the urns contained the remains of their deceased racers. Triple Scoop was their first champ. - Yeah_Im_a_unt

6. This window washer helped solve a crime.

Window cleaner for over 12 years now. I've seen horrible things. Also hilarious things. Once helped catch a pair of yobs who were on the run from the police, was just minding my own business cleaning a customer's windows when the fence panels behind us in the garden exploded. Like it started raining splintered wood and dirt! Some scum had nicked a car and cornered way too fast, they shot the corner jumped the curb and obliterated the garden and the nicely parked up BMW in the drive. Both nobheads ran immediately and hopped the gardens and in seconds out of nowhere there's a helicopter circling and k9 units on them both. They were flat face down on the pavement in a matter of moments, big burly coppers pinning them down. - HolierThanThou32

7. Turns out birds are even more freaked out by window washers than humans are.

This one lady liked to feed birds, like 50lbs every two weeks. No screens, sills caked in filth and the windows themselves had been neglected over time. They were Anderson windows so you could pull them in from the inside. Well the tension string broke and I'm literally holding the window by a string and this bird straight up flies into my face. I was shocked, the bird was shocked, I screamed, I like to imagine the bird did too. Bird flew away and I got the window locked back in place and called maintenance. This was on the second floor too. - ytoast

8. Some people just refuse to change their daily routines.

Good friend is a window washer for downtown office towers. They get notice of the day the windows are being washed, yet he says it’s shocking how many people are freaked out by them being outside their window.

Weirdest though? They came across a dude watching porn on his office computer, when he noticed the window washers, he just gave them a big thumbs up and kept watching. - scionoflogic

9. If you want to wash windows, expect lots of naked people and bedroom toys.

Seen plenty of big double ended dildos, strap one etc left out on the beds of undiscerning customers. Lots of naked old dudes and people who were in the shower not knowing we were there only to scream. It's a good laugh as a job really, folk are always alright and it's nice to have a cuppa on the job and a biscuit. - HolierThanThou32

10. Heartwarming!

I was cleaning away an lookin at this guys room an noticed a skateboard (I'm also a skater) and thought "oh damn I recognise that deck", it belonged to a guy I'd met like twice at the local park, the next day I was at the skate park an walked over to him (bare in mind weve exchanged like 8 words before this), I sat next to him an kept a complete stone expression an said "hey you look like the kind of guy who'd have black bed sheets" he was like "wtf I do have black sheets.." i was like "with white squares, I bet your rooms blue aswell" and hes noticably freaked, like "how the fuck do you know all this!?" An then I had to drop it, "I'm your window cleaner mate, saw your deck in a room yesterday ahaha". Fast forward 11 years and hes currently my oldest and closest friend! - spliffwizard

11. Talk about a bait and switch!

One guy was on his computer wearing complete death metal attire. Spiked hair, full body leather and heavy and I mean heavy mascara/eye liner. He was facing the window and in turn me. He locked eyes with me the entire time I was doing my job. He looked like he was going to murder me. That's when I saw what he was watching on his computer. My little pony. That's when his demeanor changed. He realized what I saw and smiled from ear to ear. - Haboobaclub

12. One window-washer got to witness the miracle of life.

This was 25yrs ago. Cleaning 2nd floor windows in a hospital from ladders. I arrived at a window to see a lady giving birth. The child was probably half in and half out is as best as I can describe it. The people in the room were so concentrated on what they were doing they didn't notice me so I made a hasty descent.

A couple of windows further down (same floor) I see a man pacing up and down with his hands behind his back. Dark hair, tidy mustache, around 30. Will never forget his face. No idea why he wasn't in with his partner but I had no doubt this was the father.

Okay, cute:

Skip down a few windows (3 mins per window including moving the ladder so not that long) and I arrive at a window to see the lady being wheeled in on a wheelchair with the baby in her arms, the other mothers (maternity ward) clapping, and the father walking behind with a huge beaming smile.

It felt like it was out of a movie with a camera following the story. Quite unforgettable. - PhilipWaterford

A lot of people are losing their jobs or being forced to quit work for health reasons right now. One man is wondering if making light of one such situation was a bad move.

The man made a "housewife" joke about his pregnant partner who can no longer work. She was not amused. Now he's asking Reddit if he was in the wrong. (Apologizing would've been quicker and also costs $0, but lets hear him out.)

His wife has always enjoyed work and holds a high position at her company:

My wife Molly is a senior accountant working for a large firm. She is, and always has been a climber. She's extremely ambitious and everything she does is part of her mission to work her way to the top. I love this about her and fully support her.

But now she can't work, and she's stuck at home:

Due to current events Molly is working from home. I'm classed as an ''essential worker'' so am still going to work at the moment. We also recently discovered she is pregnant, so because of this she's especially vulnerable and hasn't left the house for days.

Molly absolutely hates this. Although she's still getting work done at home she doesn't feel its the same. She loves her job. She loves being that badass walking around in a nice suit and heels and getting things done. She's stuck at home wearing a tracksuit and T shirt and just feels like a completely different person.

Although the man usually cooks, she's been pitching in:

I do most of the cooking at home because I'm better at it (we both agree on this), but today she made a really nice Spaghetti Bolognese which I enjoyed. I said for a joke that it was great having a housewife to cook me meals.

Ever since he called her a housewife, she's been ignoring him:

She got really annoyed when I said this, accused me of being glad she's not allowed to go to work and stormed off. This isn't true at all. The housewife comment was intended as a joke. I've always loved Molly's ambitious nature. It's one of the things that made me fall in love with her in the first place. I certainly didn't marry her in the hope that she'd decide to become a housewife one day.

I went to our room to talk to Molly but she was sobbing and told me to sleep on sofa tonight as she wants to be alone.

It was only a joke and I didn't intend to upset her.

Most people agree that this guy is kind of a doofus.

I-Billed-JFK was like, way to kick a gal when she's down:

You said she hated having to stay at home in these conditions yet you make her subject to your joke that highlights what she is displeased with. Come on man..

Lilgeoffrey says her hurt feelings ae understandable because of the situation:

I reckon the joke would have been well received if it was just a regular day off. Teasing between spouses is totally normal. Unfortunately the circumstances meant that what would normally be okay turned into a direct attack at her insecurities while she was at her most vulnerable. However, this wasn't intentional and while OP is a little clueless, he's not [the a-hole]. He does still owe his wife an apology though. And a cupcake.

Nothing says sorry like a good cupcake.

Nidoqing pointed out that if you're into your career, staying home is the worst:

I’m going to go with a gentle [you're the a-hole] because you didn’t mean to be one. She’s likely struggling with being at home, especially if she as super ambitious person. This is likely a hard transition for her that may be causing her to question her worth. She probably needs the reminder that she’s a career bad ass

30_e pointed out that using "housewife" as an insult isn't cool:

You obviously didn’t mean any harm but to some women, being called a housewife is an insult. It seems like your wife is one of those women who finds it insulting (I’m drawing that conclusion from your description of her), and it may have indeed sounded like you were glad she can’t work at the office and instead had her at home to do everything.

Nanabanana666 gave more details about why it's a low blow:

'housewife' can make a person think of back when women weren't allowed to vote or make their own money and were basically sex slaves that got auctioned off to men for f***ing cooking cleaning and making babies by women's fathers it could definitely seem super rude for you to say you like it that way to some women

CapitalSock7 really laid it all out for him:

Pregnancy is the time women with careers are most vulnerable. Most women have to take time off for medical appointments, then take time off for maternity leave, and then because they're partner never steps up they become the primary parent and take a career hit. Women with ambition like your wife can end up sidelined because they're husbands don't step up.

So maybe instead of making jokes you should be making sure you can take paternity leave to hone your parenting skills and inquire about time off for doctors appointments. Instead of a joke start educating yourself on needed baby gear and supplies so she doesn't have to make all the decisions. Go buy some parenting books and take some classes. Read about sleep training, feeding, birth. Start researching daycare or nannies and get yourself on a waiting list if needed.

Continuing to do the lord's work, they added:

So many dads complain that their wife won't just tell them what to do or let them make decisions. But most of these guys have done absolutely jack shit to educate themselves on how to care for a baby or prep for pregnancy. And honestly, how would you feel if your wife's plan was just to wing it or take directions from you? Wouldn't that feel like she's just another task to manage and not a partner?

Maybe you're doing all of this already and she's just stressed and hormonal. If not, I'd get on it. You have a baby on the way during a pandemic.

So let's hope this guy got the message and apologized to his wife, otherwise they're going to have a lonnnnnng few months...

Sometimes a stranger says something so hysterical that you just can't stifle your laughter.

If you live in a big city, you're bound to overhear conversations you definitely shouldn't have. Loud talkers on the phone or people screaming their secrets while drinking on restaurant sidewalk tables usually offer a wealth of hilarious one-liners. However, we've also all been in situations where a stranger inserts themselves into your conversation and says something so funny that you can't breathe.

So, when a recent Reddit user asked the internet, "what's the funniest thing that a random stranger said to you that made you die laughing inside?" people were ready to share their most memorable exchanges. If you could use a laugh right now, here's a reminder that the funniest people in your life are probably the ones that you haven't met yet...

1. Dad jokes for the win, "WinningToad."

I must've been about 10 or 11. I sat down on a bench next to an old guy to sort my shoe out. I took my shoe off and he just turns to me and says "are they golfing socks?" I look at him with a completely blank look on my face thinking "wtf??" as I looked away he just said "there's a hole in one"

2. Damn, "walnut100."

The time I was waiting for takeout and the amputee owner struck up a convo.
"My friend, you have to be really careful if you ever get shot in the knee or any leg bone. They don't warn you that you can't have sex for months. One night you're taking home a beautiful girl to show her your scars and the next morning your leg's gone."

3. Perfect, "kingbluetit."

A few months ago I was waiting at a road crossing with loads of other strangers, waiting for the man to turn green. This was a busy main road in my city.

A little girl on the other side of the road did THE MOST ACCURATE IMPRESSION of the 'beep beep' that the crossing makes so blind people know it's safe to cross, and the entire crowd of people just stepped into the road. I had seen her do it, so I stayed put, but I couldn't stop laughing. My girlfriend was confused.

50 adults pranked by one absolute genius 6ish year old. It was magical.

Edit: it was really busy so traffic was hardly moving, there wasn't a chance of being injured.

4. A+, "jimcol."

Okay, the laughter was not entirely inside, but years ago on the subway in NY, a crazy dude walks on the train and screams at everyone “You’re all going to hell!” and then steps off as the doors close. Total silence as the weirdness of the moment settles in. Then, without missing a beat, guy across from me goes, “Shit, I thought this train was going to Harlem.” Entire subway car of cynical New Yorkers bursts out laughing.

5. Perfect, "brookski_lee."

Was leaving Walmart and the 80ish year old greeter says "Thanks for shopping at Dollar Tree!"

6. Amazing, "BurkaBurrito."

I was helping a customer pick out a new bra and she said she wanted her breasts to be lifted. She said, “my boobs are so saggy that if my nipples were eyeballs, I’d be able to see if my shoes were untied”

I really tried my best to remain professional but I couldn’t stop laughing lol

7. No time for pleasantries, "RiSET0FaLL."

I work in retail, and I’m not sure why, but this had me dying for a while. I still laugh when I think about it.

Me: “How you doing today, sir?”

Customer: “Yep.”

And he went on his way.

8. Yup, "PursuitOfMuchness."

Met a guy while camping a few years ago. He told us, matter of factly, that he was a "Redneck hippie" back in the 60's.. He was "there for the sex and the drugs, but not so much that love and peace sh*t." We still crack up about that.

9. Ha, "SweetBabyJesus99."

When i was about 8 yrs old (40 some odd yrs ago) my mother and i were waiting to be seated at a restaurant, and an older gentleman was ahead of us also waiting. The waitress asked him if he'd be smoking (back when that was still a thing in restaurants), and he replied "no, but i may burst into flames later". Young me laughed all through lunch at that, in fact it still makes me giggle lol.

10. Fashion game strong, "-StarrySky-."

When I was a freshmen in college I had a pair of rainbow bellbottoms I made and wore a lot. I walking through the city back to the dorms when a guy rode up behind me on a bicycle. He was old, had long, scraggly gray hair and a bright red and yellow windsuit on. He rode beside me for a second, stared and then yelled "Miss your pants are hot....HWAAAAT" and the rode away into the sunset. It was so random and hilarious. Every time I wore those pants my friends would run up behind me and yell "Your pants are HWAT"

11. Aw, "ComicSal."

Just the other day checking out at the Cracker Barrel, the older gentleman ringing my wife up accidentally said, with all confidence, "Have a thank you!"

12. Fantastic, "kbig22432."

No so much said to me as overheard. Walking down the street with my fiance after dinner, a man and woman pass us. Very clearly I heard the man say:

"... and that's the second time I got crabs. I just keep a special little comb at the house now, just in case."

I'm not sure of any particulars and have thought about that interaction often. So many questions, I know they heard me laugh though.

13. Pro tip, "emken23."

I used to be a smoker. One time a scruffy looking man asked me for a light. I told him I only had matches. (It was very windy) He said, "that's ok, there's a trick to it. You light the match and then suck down real hard. You get a mouth full of sulfur that way, but you gotta have a trick when you're going thirty miles an hour on top of a tank."

14. Too real, "relghadban."

I once was canoeing with my fiance for the first time and we were having a bit of trouble at first getting a rhythm going so we were along the edge of the water hitting the canal. This random couple was walking along the wall and said to his wife while pointing at us

"Ahh canoeing, the true test of love"

My fiance and I bursted into laughter for 20 minutes and then finally got our rhythm together

15. This is so good, "AbortRetryImplode."

I'm in the bathroom at work washing my hands and one of the professors that I don't think I've ever actually spoken to comes in and starts washing her lanyard in the sink. I try to make small talk with work people even though I suck at it so I try to strike up a conversation that goes down as follows:
"Morning."
"Ugghhh...I spilled coffee on my lanyard and now it's all sticky."
"Blah...that's the worst."
At this point she turns off the faucet and looks at me completely deadpan with eyes that said she wanted to feed me my own innards and said, "I think genocide is worse."
So I awkwardly mumbled "Ummm...yeahkaybyehaveaniceday" and quickly escaped.

It's turned into a running joke in my office now though. Anything from the printer being out of toner to a fire drill on a cold day is "literally worse than genocide."

16. Pigeons are obedient, "Dahhhkness."

Watched a guy walking to class at my college years ago saying "Get the f*ck out of my way" to a pigeon standing in his path. The pigeon quickly waddled off to the side.

17. Wow, "reloader89."

I was riding the T (subway) home one night with a Spike's Junkyard Sandwich, of the buffalo chicken variety. A clearly drunk guy with his girlfriend said to me "Are you going to face f*ck that sandwich?" To which I replied "Yes". He then turned to his girlfriend and said "babe let's get some buffalo chicken!"

18. Protection is key, "Dillbob2112."

In high school we were walking down the hall to the buses and I heard two girls in a conversation that cracked me up and confused me.

Girl 1: Yeah I'm going to random guy's house tonight. (Something to the effect of looking forward to it.)

Girl 2: Ah well make sure you bring protection. (Already kinda weird as they're just talking in the hall.)

Girl 1: What? No I'm not gonna be doing anything like that.

Girl 2: No I meant like a knife or something.

I've been laughing about that for a while now.

19. Math jokes, "2Fundy."

Years ago when queuing up for movie tickets with my family, the attendant asked the ages of our four kids to see if they could all get children-priced tickets. I announced their ages, 7, 9, 11 & 13. Without missing a beat, the stranger behind us declared, "That's an odd group!"

20. The only acceptable cat call, "NerakSob."

My friend and I (both female) used to go to the Saturday market to buy fruit and veg. My friend is quite shy towards other people. I had just bought two huge watermelons and was carrying them, one arm each. As a guy walked past us, he shouted: "YOU'VE GOT NICE BIG MELONNSSSS!" Didn't say anything else, just kept walking. My friend was shocked and I almost peed myself laughing so much.

21. This is so fair, "Jsouth14."

I was walking to class the other day and walked by a two girls FaceTiming their friend and I hear this:

Two girls: OMG We saw y’all broke up what happened??

FaceTime girl: HE DRANK DIRECTLY OUT OF MY F*CKING BRITA WATER FILTER

The phrase "celebrities are just like us" is often used to remind us that celebrities, while privileged, are in fact human beings. And while that is obviously true, and they have many of the same feelings and experiences as us, celebrities really aren't like us in a lot of ways. Being shielded by immense wealth and cultural clout can protect you from global realities, even indiscriminate threats like COVID-19 are felt differently by famous people than the rest of us.

For starters, in the U.S. asymptomatic famous, rich and influential people have been getting coronavirus tests while people with intense symptoms are told to stay home and wait it out unless it's near fatal.

But also, quarantining inside your home when you live in a spacious mansion is a very different experience than cooping up in an apartment with multiple roommates, or forcing a family to stay in close quarters with screaming children.

All this is to say, it makes sense for celebrities to share their test results with the world, and it makes sense for them to talk about quarantining like the rest of us, but when they act righteous about staying inside their lush homes it rubs people the wrong way. Particularly, when millions of Americans have lost their income for the forseeable future.

Here are just a handful of the celebrity quarantine posts that have collectively made a lot of people cringe.

1. Sam Smith crying inside his expensive house.

2. Arnold Schwarzenegger lecturing people from a hot tub.

3. Lauren Conrad's pillow fort that looks more luxurious than most of our homes.

4. Kourtney Kardashian's gratuitous ranch pictures.

5. Ellen DeGeneres staying positive in her personal gym.

6. Soccer player Cesc Fabregas yelling at his neighbors from an expensive balcony.

7. Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin dancing in their gigantic living room.

8. Martha Stewart sharing a brew recipe from her industrial sized kitchen.

9. Drake, somehow perservering in his private basketball court.

10. J-Lo and A-Rod chilling outside the house from Parasite.

11. Kylie Jenner wishing people a "happy quarantine."

12. Millie Bobby Brown's Pinterest perfect shot.

13. Emily Ratajowski's quarantine reading thirst trap.

14. Courteney Cox dancing in front of her windows the size of Rhode Island.

15. When Kylie Jenner shared that pregnancy prepared her to stay inside her mansion.

16. This celebrity cover of "Imagine" that could've easily been replaced by donations.

Needless to say, many of these celebrity posts didn't inspire the accolades and solidarity they hoped for.

The celebrity posts not only felt unrelatable, but many of them felt tone deaf given the fact that millions of people are worried about how they'll be able to survive the current economy, while also trying to stay healthy during the spread of the virus.

People were quick to point out that celebrities aren't facing backlash for posting at all, but rather, for unknowingly flaunting their privilege while fundamentally misunderstanding the anxiety and realities of others.

While it's good for celebrities to use their platforms to encourage their followers to listen to scientists and stay home, the process of quarantining is fundamentally different when you're wealthy, so pretending it's the same is going to garner backlash.

While a huge chunk of sitcoms would have you believe that men are allergic to anything romantic and need to be dragged kicking and screaming to the altar, real-life love stories are the antidote.

Happily married men shared the moments they said about their wives, "I'm gonna marry that girl."

Sometimes all it takes is infinite cheeseburgers or a twelve pack of beer.

1. juicethebrick is living the dream.

We had been on a few dates and it was my birthday. She asked what I wanted for my birthday. I sarcastically suggested a 12 pack of beer, a box of condoms and her in that tennis skirt I saw her in on Facebook.

Sure enough, she showed up to my apartment with a 12 pack, condoms and wearing that tennis skirt.

I had dated a lot of high maintenance girls who weren’t all the comfortable with themselves in a lot of ways. I knew from this she was way different.

I would come to find out she was a goddess in a lot of other ways too. But seeing her in the door way looking every bit the dream for my birthday made me know she was definitely a keeper.

2. Now every day is a Caribbean vacation for exchef.

After a year and half of dating we went away on vacation down in the Caribbean. We weren't living together just dating. After the week of spending every minute with her, I came home from the vacation and the next day realized I wanted to see her again. This was after spending a whole week together, I still wanted to spend more time time with her. That's when I knew this was the girl I wanted to marry. Every other time I had spent a couple of days alone with a girl, I wanted some time apart, but not this time. Its been 20 years and we are still together.

3. Ganglebot figured out what "marriage" means.

She was driving us back from a great camping trip with friends. My mind was wandering and I thought, "You know, I wish I could do rad sh*t like this with her forever." Then I thought, "That sounds like a marriage... HEY!"

I looked over at her, she glanced at me and smiled back.

I then put together a plan; I ask her to live with me in 6 months when her lease is up, after a year if sh*t is still good I'll ask her to marry me.

I did exactly that. We've been married 4 years and have an 8 month old.

4. 93WhiteStrat lived out a Fake Relationship rom-com.

I was 17, she was 18. We worked at the local McDonalds. She was a cutie, and every guy in the joint wanted her, but she wasn't interested. I offered to pretend like we were dating to make everyone else back off, and we ended up really dating.

Our first kiss was on June 24, 1984 and by July 4, 1984 I knew that I loved her.

We're now 50 and 51 and we've been together for 33 years, married for 31 years.

5. Merlord wanted live slapstick comedy for live.

She went to 'hop' on the bed, miscalculated how springy it was, bounced off and got stuck between the bed and the bedside table. Upside-down, legs flailing in the air. She couldn't free herself, and I was too incapacitated with laughter to help her for a good 5 minutes.

6. gregkiel's story is a sentimental reboot of a Seinfeld episode.

Lost my car in a parking garage after I bungled the night by forgetting my wallet on a fairly expensive Italian dinner date.

I was embarrassed and mortified.

I just wanted to cut my losses and get home. I was really trying to impress her and literally anything that could go wrong did.

To cap the night off I forgot where I parked my car because I was flustered from everything that had gone wrong.

After 20 minutes or so of me running around this parking garage, going level to level, running hand in hand. I could feel her glare and and annoyance on the back of my neck. It was growing. I could feel her quietly thinking "well, this was the worst date I've ever been on."

The humiliation finally overcame me and I stopped and turned around. Maybe to apologize profusely, I don't know, still don't know. I was preparing myself for that look on her face.

She was smiling.

She started to laugh. Not at me. But with me... without me. Almost inviting me to laugh with her about this poor bastard's luck.

A large wave of relief washed over the dreadful evening.

We stood there on level 2 of the Newport on the Levee parking garage just laughing.

I knew at that precise moment that I wanted to marry her.

6 years later, we are married with two kids.

When we gave our vows, we both unknowingly had written of that exact night in Newport and that exact moment.

I think perhaps for me, I had fallen in love before, but with her.. I never wanted to fall in love again.

7. JezusChrizt found the Leia to his Han (or the Finn to his Poe).

Fourth date. She invites me up to her apartment for some swooning. Upon entering I am in awe that her Star Wars Lego collection was bigger than mine. I knew right then and there.

8. Seriousdolla is no longer long-distance.

She traveled 2 hours by bus and train to see me on my half an hour lunch break. We're due to be married in 3 weeks.

9. DeusExPir8Pete's wife keeps it real.

When she said "it’s been eight years, if you don’t marry me I’m leaving." Oh ok. Been 20 years now.

10. You had me at "dead baby," sookia.

Driving around on one of our first dates. There's a black bag in the middle of the road with something inside of it. She tells me to be careful. I say "Oh, it's probably.." and at the same time we both said "dead baby". I knew she was the one.

11. thehonestyfish's wife Roosevelt to the occasion.

We were playing Trivial Pursuit with friends, and were in a team together. The question we got was "Who was the 26th President of the United States?" I figured it was my chance to impress her by counting off all the Presidents in order to count to to 26, so I started. She jumped right in with me, and got up to Teddy Roosevelt faster than I did.

It was the perfect realization that her nerdiness and personality matched up perfectly with my own. When we got married, we had a picture of Teddy Roosevelt on our table at the reception.

12. The singles made The82ndDoctor realize he never wanted to be single again.

A mutual friend was getting married and we were going to take him to a bachelor party at a strip club, and since we didn’t lie to each other, I told her about it, to which she replied “Do you have enough singles? I have a bunch at home if you want to stop on the way”. That was it for me.

13. TheIcon42 was moved by the burger gesture.

First road trip together. We stopped for food and I ordered multiple cheeseburgers. I was driving and without being asked she unwrapped and handed me my burger. As soon as one was done she had another one ready. I realized then that some people are genuinely considerate and kind. Also the first time she called someone a c*ntbag.

14. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, angryn4rwha1.

We had been dating for a couple of years, I went to a small college so it wasn't that uncommon, and one year she was away at a conference during my birthday. I was hanging out with some friends and I realized that despite how much fun I was having, I never wanted to spend a birthday, or any day, without her by my side again. It was just this really weird mixture of happiness and sadness all at the same time.

15. fitnerd21 love was sealed with a kiss.

The first time we kissed. There had been quite a bit of build up (years of unrequited love, will they/won't they, etc.). We were great friends for over 15 years.

Showed up for our first date, got her flowers, knocked on her door, and when she opened the door, I couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't anything. She pulled me in, put the flowers on a table, and kissed me. That's when I knew.

16. Oh give me a home, shotbinky.

After work I came home to find her singing "Home on the Range" at the top of her lungs while shaving her legs in the tub with the door open. Can't say why exactly but the first thought in my head was "I'm so lucky," the second was "I'm gonna marry her," and third was "we should watch The Rescuers Down Under."

17. d_b_cooper has a shoulder to cry on.

We had only been dating for three months, so still some awkwardness here and there. I was working an outrageous amount, and I got phone call that one of my very good friends had just died in a car accident.
I don't really remember walking there, but instead of my apartment, I ended up at hers. She opened the door to her new boyfriend half-ugly-sobbing.
Instead of being (rightly) weirded out, she listened and cried with me for a couple hours.
The friend who died was the one who had encouraged me (for like six months) to ask my now-wife out. My friend never knew the impact she had.
My wife and I have been married for eight years now.

One benefit of quarantine is that it means spending a lot more time with your furry friends...

Now that many of us are either out of work or working from home, we've found new "co-workers" in our pets. Unlike our real co-workers, though, our cats and dogs are less like an office BFF or work-wife and more like an adorable distraction that won't get off our keyboard and or stop trying to eat our lunch.

Since we could all use some cute animals to distract us from the global crisis, Twitter user @aubviouslynot saved the day.

Of course, people started sharing stories and updates on their new (albeit unqualified) colleagues immediately. Enjoy and stay safe!

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