Every family has a long and winding history, for better or worse, so when grandparents finally open up about long-hold secrets it's best to pull up a chair and soak in all of the juice.

Even if your immediate family is straight-laced and seems lacking in dark or exciting history, if you trace back far enough you're likely to stumble upon an ancestor with fascinating stories.

In a popular Reddit thread, people shared the most interesting family history they've discovered.

1. From Augustane:

I’m Vietnamese and I’m named Mac.

I always thought it was weird to have basically a Scottish name as an Asian. I had thought it would be more appropriate on a big trucker dude, rather than a little Asian guy.

Growing up though, I knew my grandpa always had this real fascination about it. I know my name popped up in some of his memoirs and writing, but didn’t know why. He even named his WiFi password after it. I couldn’t read Vietnamese so I never understood the significance of it. As a kid I never bothered asking why.

It wasn’t until I was about 12 years old that my grandpa sat me down and told me about my name. It was after the Mac dynasty that ruled Vietnam from around 1530-1590. The emperor was eventually overthrown and anyone related to the Mac name was killed, so they changed their last names to Pham and went into hiding. Apparently, we were direct descendants of that emperor.

So there you have it, my full name is Mac Sinh Pham. My name literally means “Mac becomes Pham” as a memory of my family’s heritage. For context, Sinh in Vietnamese means “to create” or “birth”.

I’ve only told a couple people this since it’s not like it matters now or anything, but I guess it’s cool to say I’m a descendant of an emperor.

2. From ThadisJones:

One of my great-grandmothers was named "Rifke". When she immigrated to the United States, her name was probably mistyped and changed to "Rifle". So I'm descended from a woman legally named Rifle, technically making me a son of a gun.

Someone I'm distantly related to was an accomplished car thief in New York who was arrested early in WW2. He was offered the choice of prison or serving in the Merchant Marine, and chose the latter. The small ship he was on disappeared and the legend is that he stole it.

3. From butchpudding:

My great-grandmother worked in a brothel, and my grandfather lived there for part of his childhood. My dad told me a while back, and it blew my mind.

4. From ih8pkmn:

My great-grandfather on my Mother's side was sent to Auschwitz and died in Dachau. Family legend says that he was sent there as a political prisoner for attempting to assassinate a Nazi official. I have never been able to verify this, as all of the records I can find just show him in Dachau, nothing about him in Auschwitz.

5. From eigth_note:

One of my aunts sent a letter to Nancy Reagan to get some of her favorite recipes, so now we have a cook book with some of Nancy Reagan’s favorite recipes in it.

6. From PM_ME_YOUR_WORRIES:

We did some family history research that I helped out with - turns out there's an entirely separate line of cousins that spawned from my great-great grandfather having an affair.

7. From Plethora_of_squids:

It's probably not as extreme as some of the cases here but our "deep dark family secret" is that...we were actually Irish and not British all along

The context - I'm an Australian but my grandfather was really really pedantic about the fact that we were of British blood. The man was big into genealogy and he'd traced our bloodline back generations tieing us all to bastard sons and daughters of British lord and ladies and to great businessmen who'd traveled to the great land down under to seek fame and fortune. And he also looked down on my dad's side of the family for being an 'interbred mess consisting of every improper part of the UK'. This is a guy who probably thought Lovecraft's reaction to finding out he's part Welsh is a perfectly reasonable thing to do.

Well when he died we went through his genealogy notes and it turned out...most of that was a lie. The only source of British blood in that entire side of the family was from his wife. Turns out he's as Irish as a case of Guinness. I mean we obviously knew that there was Irish blood somewhere in the family tree because the almost stereotypically Irish family name had to have come from somewhere but he said that that was from a single Irish lord who'd been married in.

8. From hymen_destroyer:

Wouldn’t say I “discovered” it but I did recently ask my grandmother about some details regarding the conditions in which my family immigrated from Germany (shortly after WWII) and she looked at me, dried her hands on her apron, and said in a tone I have never heard from her before, “the less you know about that the better. Trust me.”

I’m too terrified to look into it any further at the moment. My mom always gets all weird when we start talking about family history too. I think she knows something.

9. From ConCon249:

My grand greatfather on one side of the family was the brother-in-law from Joseph Mengele. Not proud of it, but definitely memorable.

10. From restingally6:

My great great great grandfather's brother was the first president of the transvaal (a big part of South Africa).

11. From Mamlucky:

My mom's youngest brother was born from an affair. Back in 60s Korea, a woman holding a baby showed up at my mom's home and asked for her mom. The woman confessed that she had an affair with her husband and the baby was the result. My mom was told to take the baby for fresh air while the adults talked things over.

My mom being an excited girl with no idea of the gravity of the situation (or any sex ed) walked around town showing off her cute baby brother- outing the humiliation before the family could even process what happened. Her mom was not pleased. They still don't talk. And I believe the brother never learned his true heritage.

12. From amkmaker1754:

One of my mom’s distant cousins was murdered by a drifter. Didn’t know about it til a year or two ago, blew my mind and made me quite sad at same time.

13. From notasleannotasmean:

One of my ancestors was a Confederate Captain. He apparently abandoned his troops and fled to his farm in central Virginia (Crozet). There he found his wife had allowed Union troops to occupy the home. For her making accommodations, the Union army allowed him to return to his home and was not taken as a POW.

14. From GaryFreakingAnderson:

My father, 82, born in Kansas, was wet-nursed by Kaiser Willhelm II's wet-nurse (for his children). She immigrated to the US after WWI, like so many people.

15. From UrlOtis:

My family has a Japanese sword from ww2 from my great grandfather. He wasn't the owner of the sword, idk where he got it but I've heard that he was like a part of the guerilla or had some sort of connections with them at that time when we were colonized by Japan. I've seen the sword a few times and it's rusty and heavy. Our father doesn't let us pull out the whole blade because it could still harm somebody.

16. From swampeyes49:

Back in the late 1800s, my great, great, great (there might be a few more greats I’m not sure) my uncle was hung for murdering a police officer with his own baton. That’s only half the secret. The murderer was actually my uncle’s brother, but the uncle who was hung took the blame instead because he had no wife or children, so him being executed would have less of impact on the family.

17. From LikeaT-Rex:

Well, I learned that my dad's family ran an underground railroad station in Ohio helping escaped slaves flee to Canada. Not a secret, but pretty cool nonetheless!

18. From TonkaButt:

My great grandmother on my mothers side practiced witchcraft and sorcery for years as a young adult.

How did I find this out? On her death bed she went from being normal to absolute terrified because “the demons are circling around on the ceiling for me."

19. From BubblesO4:

My aunt discovered that her father (my grandad) has another daughter from before he met my grandma. Been about a year and my new aunty is awesome!

20. From 9Shelbs:

My grandpa used to collect toys and bikes during the holidays to give to orphans in Mexico. After his death, one of those orphans reached out to our family...turns out ol' grandpa had a whole other family on the other side of the border.

Life in quarantine has definitely been interesting...

While some parts of the country have reopened, others are approaching nearly two months of lockdown and things are definitely getting weird. Adjusting to wearing masks everywhere you go (chin sweat is in!), not remembering what your social life was like when it wasn't all through Zoom happy hours or to-go cocktails, and losing track of your sense of time and space are common feelings.

Luckily, people on the internet (mostly Twitter) haven't yet lost their sense of humor. Sure, the teens are still dancing on TikTok and the trolls are still invading Reddit with their sad, mean-spirited comments but the heart of Twitter is fortunately still witty, quick jokes. If you could definitely use some laughs to perk up your quarantine, here are the funniest tweets we could find from the month of May (not March?) in the rickety wooden rollercoaster of a year that is 2020.

Enjoy and stay safe, everyone!

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"The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it."

-Doug Larson

This post is proof positive that cats rule the internet. Don't tell this to my dog, but these kitty memes are downright hilarious. This list will definitely crack up anyone who loves cats and/or comedy.

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Drunk You is a mysterious alter-ego who emerges after dark. They're an enigmatic character who lives to wreak havoc on your fridge and tell everybody how they really feel.

You and your identical drunk twin aren't alone in these madcap adventures, and the internet is the place to commiserate, whether drunk or sober. Here are some of the funniest things people's Drunk Selves have been up to.

Sober You knows what they say: don't drink and text.

1. Faked an accent/found a soulmate

2. Shazamed silence

3. Ate cheese incorrectly

4. Talked to themselves

5. Became one with Frosted Flakes

6. Drew Peter Griffin

7. Overcooked a pizza

8. Bought a penis banana

9. Accidentally texted their boss

10. Whatever this is.

11. Message an airport.

12. Boast about getting a glowstick.

13. Decorate their bathroom.

14. Ran away.

15. Leave evidence of Instagram stalking

16. Delete their bank app

17. Talk, unprompted, about every guy they've ever loved and every bad thing they've ever even contemplated doing

Ah, global pandemics. They really do seem to highlight some of the worst and weirdest human behavior. Like the woman who went viral for an interview in which she complained about other people going to the beach in the middle of a pandemic (fair). The problem: she gave the interview while at the beach with her family. Hmmmm......

A man named Colm McAfee, who shared the clip on Twitter, says he's "baffled" that this woman drove 1.5 hours to go to the beach with her family and then complained about other people also going to the beach.

In the woman's defense, she did say she's annoyed by people not respecting "social distancing" rules on the beach. But spending time on a crowded beach seems like an odd choice for someone who feels so strongly about social distancing. And are she and her family the only ones allowed to go to the beach?

People are expressing a range of shock, annoyance, confusion and amusement at the woman's strange comments:

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It almost seems..... not real? But then again, so many things do these days.

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Others are having a laugh at her expense:

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Some people are embarrassed on her behalf:

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And this woman thirsts for revenge:

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Don't be a covidiot, folks! Stay home! And if you decide to break the rules, mayyyyybe shy away from criticizing others who are also breaking the rules. Especially if there's a TV camera nearby.

"Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know, that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom?"

-Terry Pratchett

If you're bored right now, that's ok. There are actually plenty of things you can do to keep yourself occupied. You can watch TV, text, or rub glue all over your whole body, let it dry and peel it off like you're a giant snake. If all of that fails, just go ahead and laugh at these memes. This list of jokes is just the boredom buster we all need to make it through the week.

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Sometimes, a coworker can become your best friends or even your surrogate spouse.

Other times... not so much.

A recent Reddit thread asked people to recount horror stories of their worst coworkers ever. From dietary meddling to announcing bowel movements, these stories sure won't make you miss the office.

1. Sometimes it's fun to have a chatty colleague. But not if they're like this guy.

My coworker likes to initiate conversations, then does long pauses where you go to say something back, then he cuts you off and keeps talking. He has entire conversations almost entirely by himself. He also likes to make changes to my paperwork before its turned in.. ends up riddled with spelling mistakes while he tries to make the content look smarter. Fortunately its all electronically stamped with who made revisions. - inu_yasha

2. This person sounds like they need help...

I had a manager once who dumped trash on my desk my third day there. She said it was to remind me that taking out the trash was part of my job description (it wasn’t, I was a research assistant at a mortgage firm) - litkat16

3. Stealing money from customers is not the best look.

Hired a cook on a good recommendation. He was just fine the first two weeks. Then I noticed food going missing. Then supplies started going missing. Then a customer told me that he had been adding auto 30% tips his food purchases. When I looked at the books, I saw that he had been adding 30% tips to ALL the credit card sales. And the cash rings were off from what should have been sold. I fired him that day.

It gets worse:

The next day he came in and apologized. Said he was on drugs and was going to rehab. I wished him well. Then next day he tried to break in after close and was caught. Idiot.

- Sirnando138

4. No one likes a gossip — especially when that gossip tells you all the sh*t your coworkers have said about you.

When I was an intern, there was this old shrew who would call people into her office (my cube shared a thin wall), gossip, then call those people in to tell them what was said, etc.

She would try to frame people for shit she did wrong. She was so arrogant. And she refused to adapt to workforce modernization. Example: she refused to learn how to hyperlink in emails, documents, etc. A real ray of sunshine she was!

- mandz_camz24

5. This WalMart worker cooked up quite a scheme.

My worst co-worker was one I worked with when I was a cashier at Walmart. She approached me and asked me to cash out her paycheck. I was still new at the job and never got training on how to do that function. She was sympathetic, so she walked me through how to do it. Transaction over and done, I go on about my day.

I get called back a couple of days later by my managers and they circled me in an office and accused me of stealing. After tears, video tapes, and telling them what happened they told me that apparently this coworker of mine had stolen not only from me, but several other people that day as well. They just wanted to confirm I wasn't in on the deal. - jellojock

6. Maybe she just wanted to save you some time?

Not necessarily a "co-worker" but my old supervisor literally told me not to think, even if it's wrong that I do things her way, and not to ask questions because I should already know what to do. I had just gotten the position - mutantandproud95

7. Well, she sounds fun at least.

Worked with a girl who would sometimes just lay in the floor and play on her phone. She would routinely flip out about something her boy friend did and just start screaming curse words, sometimes in front of customers. She was eventually fired for smoking weed while on the clock. - AtlantaFieldClowns

8. Anyone who can afford cocaine on a fast food worker's salary should be teaching courses in finance.

Fast food. Third shift. The only other employee stayed in the bathroom doing blow. - MollyXDanger502

9. It's crazy this guy lasted as long as he did.

He would walk in every day like it was his first day with no memory of anything we showed him the previous day. He was only focused for the first 30 minutes then the rest of the time would be on his phone and try to work with one hand which is bad because I work in a restaurant. Can’t cook with one hand but that didn’t stop him from trying then one day he just stopped showing up for like a week then was confused when he came back and was fired. - Zero223344

10. Who doesn't want to hear about their coworkers' bowel movements?

This guy named Daniel I used to work with at McDonald's in high school. He let everyone know he worked out and enjoyed being on the football team. He had this thing about taking 5 s**** a day. He would walk by on his way back from the toilet, chest out, shoulders back and triumphantly announce "that's s*** number 3!"... f***ing Daniel. - KillerKackwurst4

11. Talking about carbs at work? Unforgivable.

A guy that was on the Keto diet, it’s all he’d ever talk about. He once overheard a conversation I was having with a colleague on a particularly stressful day, he interrupted us to suggest I give up carbs in order to reduce my stress levels. - amyzophie

12. Googling your coworkers? Creepy.

I worked with a guy that regularly googled everyone we worked with. He knew information about the apartment we had just sold and told everyone at our department meeting how much we sold for. - fetedelamusique

13. It's frustrating when your own boss can't give directions.

My old supervisor. She was that special brand of "too nice." Laughing was her nervous tic and hoo boy it was CONSTANT. She was incapable of being assertive which is not the best quality for someone whose job is telling other people what to do. The best she could do was be passive-aggressively nice when she REALLY needed something done which just made everyone dislike her. - ApocalypseWednesday

14. Is there anything worse than a coworker who sucks up to the boss and treats everyone else like crap?

Her picture belonged next to Passive-Aggressive in the dictionary. She knew how to stay on the good side of the boss, but treated most everyone else like dirt. She would intentionally ignore your attempts to communicate with her regarding important work matters, then turn around and claim you were the one being difficult.

Whenever you pointed out one of her mistakes (however small), she would throw a temper tantrum like a little kid.

Haven't worked with her for many years now, and I sincerely hope I can eventually forget what she looks like. - DeathSpiral321

15. People who act like they "can't learn" computers are faking it at a certain point, right?

I worked with a guy who couldn't learn new skills. When he started he had to learn new programs and processes, just like anyone would at almost any job. He couldn't pick up on it, whether it was where to click in a software to get a certain result or how to fill out a report.

Everyone on my team took turns showing him the ropes and it never sunk in. I remember being so frustrated because he could not figure out how to minimize a window. "Top right corner, click on the straight line."

It took like 3-4 seconds for him to drag the mouse to the corner and then he'd hover around it but never on it.

Super nice guy, but impossible to work and collaborate with on projects because so much time was wasted. - elevenghosts

16. This should be a fire-able offense.

I'm pretty cool about eh, people all have their role to play, but one time we had a secretary that would microwave eggs and canned tuna every morning in a bowl.

Now... I am not a violent person, but the smell generated from microwaved eggs and canned tuna is down right repulsive by anyone's standards. - Kether_Nefesh

17. How does she not get fired?!

My receptionist is the most useless person I’ve ever met. Ignores the phones while playing on her own personal device. Takes countless personal calls too. Also does all personal business on their work computer from shopping to bills. On any given day will constantly find ways to avoid doing work by getting up and shooting the shit with anyone patient enough to listen.

My personal favorite? Does not take an ounce of criticism whatsoever. Every question or suggestion is an attack or bullying in their opinion. Person has filed countless HR complaints because other employees have suggested this person focus on their work. Countless meeting and time has been wasted trying to appease this person. - Wolfsleeper

18. What year is it, 1955?!

I have a coworker who's very old-fashioned and strongly believes that males and females cannot be friends. Well, it just so happens that my manager and I, a male and a female, happen to get along quite well because of our similar ages and interests. She reported me to the other managers for it and accused me of sleeping with him. - rosatenena

We all know that when kids reach a certain age, they become incredibly embarrassed of their parents' every move. But what about when the kids are the ones embarrassing their parents?

A recent Reddit thread asked parents to remember a time when their kids did something cringe-worthy in public. Parents aren't the only embarrassing ones!

1. What was she supposed to do, let the pee-er pass without comment?!

a couple years I was getting pancakes with my 3 year old at a small diner, after eating she had gross sticky toddler hands so i took her into the men’s room to wash them (i’m a guy)

i was warming up the water and she runs over to this super old guy pissing in the urinal and screams “DADDDDDDYYYY I CAN SEE HIS PEE-ER” she shouted this so i’m sure the entire diner heard

pee-er being the word she uses for penis

the guy didn’t say anything, i apologized to solemn silence which made it 1000 times more awkward

sorry old guy :( - unwed-sailor

2. This child is an evil genius.

When my brother was little, him and my mom went to the grocery store, and I guess he wasn't getting his way. He cowered and loudly said, "Mom don't hit me!"

My mom would never hit any of her children, but I think she might've thought about it that day. - wazamaniac

3. There's nothing like getting framed for a crime by your kid.

My uncle owned a store, and once i needed some ducktape and got it "free" from there. The same day we were in another store, i was about to pay and my child said "Are you going to leave without paying here as well?" - xPablitoS_

4. This tot was playing the long game.

When my daughter was 2.5 my son was born. Queue 3 year old daughter noticing son has different parts. After intense interrogation I’ve covered boys have different bits than girls. ‘But what’s it called’

‘Boy bits’ ‘tinkle’ multiple generic non penis words were attempted she wasn’t having it. So I said it’s a penis. That was that. She was happy with her new knowledge.

Roll on the weekly food shop, where she told the young male cashier ‘you have a penis’. Poor lad went redder than a tomato, 3 year old grinned pleased with herself. She’s 14 and this still haunts me. - jem7118

5. This kid was literally talking out of her a**.

One of my daughters, around age 3 or 4, was with her somewhat socially conservative grandmother (mind your P's and Q's, be polite, be on your best behavior, etc) in a small town (everybody knows everbody) grocery store. Grandma introduces my daughter to someone shes known in town for decades.

"Jenny, this is Ms. Longtimefriend." The friend bends down, extends a hand to my daughter and says "Hello. I've known your grandma forever. I'm Ms. Longtimefriend".

My daughter takes her hand and says "Hello I'm Jenny" and then, turning around and bending over grabs her butt cheeks and, doing her best Ace Ventura imitation, says "And this is my talking booty!"

I'm fairly confident that, 20 years later, I have yet to be forgiven for allowing my daughter to have seen that movie.

- selfassuredcarinvore

6. This is why we teach kids goofy kid words for their body parts.

My 4 year old had about a million questions about the body, and eventually started asking where babies come from. We told him everything except what sex was. Fast forward, I’m at lunch with my son, my mother-in-law, and three of her friends. One of the friends turns to my son and asks how old he is and when his birthday is. My son replies to a 75-year-old woman, “I came out of my mom’s vagina on April 25.” I tried my best not to laugh and quickly changed the subject. - Reamund

7. She was just being honest.

Pushing her in a cart at Home Depot. She just slowly looks at me and says "I couldn't hold it" and I'm like wait what? Then I look behind us to see a long line of urine on the floor. She didn't even tell me she had to go. - NoctheMighty

8. It speaks volumes that no one in WalMart was ruffled by this sight.

i was with my daughter in a walmart she was about 5yo at the time. she asked if she could try on a skirt and i said yes but afterword refused to put her pants back on demanding she gets the skirt. after multiple times of refusing her demand she took off the skirt but still refused to put her pants back on crying and screaming.

so here is an adult male close to 30 carrying a 5yo crying screaming girl under one arm while carrying her pants in the other hand and marching out of the walmart.

interestingly no one tried to stop me or alerted the security or police. - BodhiBill

9. Kudos to your son for understanding gender is a construct!

My son asked an overweight dude if he was having twins. Guy took it in stride, but man. :( - billbapapa

10. Uhhh yikes, no silver lining on this one.

My daughter called a severely overweight woman on a mobility scooter a car once. She did not take it in stride. - TetheredMom

11. You bring a three-year-old kid wedding dress shopping, this is what you get.

When I was dress shopping for my wedding, I brought my mom and my sister who also brought my 3 yr old nephew because her husband was working. I came out of the dressing room to show them the dress I wanted, when we realized my nephew had been too quiet. We looked around and he had his back to one of the full length mirrors, pants around his ankles and he was mooning himself. My sister wanted to die from embarrassment, but I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard. - bookluvr83

12. Oh, no.

When my at the time 4 year old sister saw women in full burka for the first time in public pointed and screamed "look mom, GHOSTS!!". - socphoenix

13. What is there to discuss??

My three sons, ages 3-7, began to loudly discuss the size of my nipples, as compared to theirs, at a Dairy Queen. Why do they know the size? Because I also have an infant daughter that was breastfeeding at the time, and so they then began to discuss how she sucks on them etc. The table of teenage boys next to us found all of this quite amusing. I did not. - HowSarahCsIt

14. Easy mistake to make.

How about having my toddler excitedly yelling "ice cream truck, ice truck cream truck!"

During the prayer. At a burial.

It was the hearse. - therageison

15. What a narc.

My family went to a theme park and tickets were half price for kids 5 and under. I walked up to the ticket booth and asked for two adult tickets and one under five ticket, to which my kid protested “I’M SIX, DADDY!”

Serves me right. - scottinadventureland

16. Your child is Regina George.

Standing in line with my 6 year old daughter at an amusement park. There is a guy behind us in a casual button-up shirt with a print on it. After standing in line for a bit, I noticed the print is not dots, but flies printed as the pattern. I thought it was interesting, but I knew exactly when my 6 year old noticed because she blurts out "your shirt is disgusting!". I had a hard time not laughing and the guy thought it was pretty funny. - Vulcnar

17. At least it wasn't a real person.

I was the child.

At the beach, someone made a mermaid sculpture out of sand with her boobs out. I went and "accidentally" fell on top of her in an attempt to cop a feel. Didn't ruin the sculpture, but I think my mom and aunt were pretty embarrassed.

My dad and uncle on the other hand, not so much. - portablecabbage

18. Yeah, this didn't look right.

The most embarrassed I've felt with kids was from something I said. My daughter would repeatedly say "I love you" after she'd been fussed at for bad behavior. So I reprimanded her in Target and she just keeps saying it over and over and I got annoyed and raised my voice saying "DON'T TELL ME YOU LOVE ME." Oooowweeee did I get some nasty looks. - BellatrixLenormal

19. Such specific and well-executed shade.

I'm not very fond of small dogs. When my son was 3, we saw a man with a chihuahua. My son said in his loudest voice to him 'my mum thinks your dog looks like a rat on a string' The man gave me a filthy look and walked off. - TrashPandaSymphonic

20. That'll make you quit smoking.

My husband was buying himself cigarettes once as a super rare thing as he couldn't get to his vape shop and had our 4yo daughter in tow. She's a bit melodramatic and suddenly wailed "I am so HUNGRY! Why do we NEVER buy food?" - VioletDawn9

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"Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep."

-Fran Lebowitz

No doubt, we would all rather still be asleep right now. Since we're awake, however, we might as well laugh at some hilarious memes. This list is full of the silliest jokes on the internet today. It's the perfect thing to get your morning started off on the right foot.

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Of course it's important to respect your child's privacy as a parent, but sometimes you stumble upon something in their room that is hilarious, shocking, or a red flag...

One of the advantages parents have over their children or teenagers attempting to be sneaky is that all parents were kids once. Teenagers especially tend to think their parents are technologically incompetent dummies who don't live and breathe for TikTok dancing, which means they usually don't suspect that their parents know any of their secrets. Unfortunately, a "mother's intuition" is very real, kids. Your parents knew about that cheap plastic bottle of raspberry vodka you had in your closet all through high school...

So, when a Reddit user asked parents of the internet, "What is the weirdest/most shocking thing you have found in your child's room?" moms and dads everywhere were definitely ready to answer. Nothing gets by a parent on a mission!

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A Playboy taped to the underside of his mattress. So if you lifted the mattress you wouldn't directly see it. - radar3066

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My mom found a jelly jar full of mysterious panties hidden in my brother's closet. - slumberpartymassacre

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I do not know why, but my 8 year old has taped a mustard packet to his door and labeled it "Top Secret." - FaustusRedux

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My 8-yr-old son had a folded up note in his drawer that said "My future" on the outside. On the inside there was a line down the middle.

One side: "CIA"

Other side: "Janitor" - 50MillionChickens

5.

When I was in college, I got a panicked phone call from my sibling. Apparently my mom was looking for my passport (rifling through my room) and came across a large baggy of white powder she assumed to be cocaine. She continues to search and found a man thong and the empty box to a vibrator. She put all this together in her head and logically concluded I was, in her words, "selling my sweet ass for coke.". She proceeded to call my siblings in hysterics.

First off, the bag she found was chalk powder left over from a high school art project, so not even remotely similar to coke. Second, the man thong was a gag gift that I hadn't gotten rid of. Third, the vibrator was for my gf and I had no idea then box was still in my room.

To this day, 10 years later, my siblings love to ask me how "selling my sweet ass for coke" is going. - NonsequitorSushi

6.

I found $200 in my son's room once when he was like 9. I was really worried about where he'd gotten it for a while. -MySonStinks

7.

The worst thing I ever discovered in my kids' room was my (then) 6 year old and 3 year old daughters sitting on the bed with every single strand of their hair laying on the floor along with a pair of school safety scissors. - kittyhoarder

8.

Coke cans. Dozens of them in a drawer. He'd been stealing them from the kitchen and drinking them in secret. He wasn't smart enough to get rid of the evidence though. - lazyfriday

9.

Overall my kid is pretty normal. He's 7, and a month ago I found an envelope with the words "top secrt" written on it hidden under his mattress. I opened it and he had written all over a piece of paper "my favorit color is PINK" over and over. His favorite color has been green since he's been 2. (Or so I thought.) We talked to him about it and he was afraid he'd be teased for liking pink. (We've just moved to a new area and adjusting to the new school has been difficult.) We talked to him about it and he now has a few pink shirts and we're looking to see if we can find pink toys that aren't girls toys. (He wants superheroes, soldiers and legos,...but pink. It's harder than you think. - Legen--dary

10.

When I was 17 my father walked into my room while I was still asleep, (I worked graveyard that summer and it was about 11:00 am), and was looking for a CD I had borrowed from him. He didn't find the CD, but he did find my vibrator.

I opened my eyes to find my father holding my neon orange vibrator.

We made eye contact, terrible. Terrible. Eye contact. And never spoke of it again. -erethren

11.

When my son was around 6, I was cleaning his room, and came upon a very big ball of thread, inside of a sock, intermingled with cheetos. I unraveled it, and discovered he had tied the cheetos at intervals along the thread, creating a kind of cheeto garland. I asked him about it, and he said he was going to try and eat them, one at a time, and then poop the string out, and floss himself. Flawless logic. - Cannedbeans

12.

A sealed block of cheese and a spoon.

She was 2 and apparently had gotten hungry but couldn't figure out how to get at the good stuff. - mamanels

13.

when my stepson was 12 I went to put his coat away (that he had left on the hall floor, again) in his closet and noticed something in the back of the closet hidden under a pile of clothes.

a tuba.

after a brief talk (wanna talk about having a sureal conversation with your kid?) we ended up getting him lessons and he had a great HS marching band career.

finding the porn and the condoms was easy.. (my wife found them, but made me "find them" and talk with him).. a musical instrument as big as he was, that was just bizarre. - W1ULH

14.

School pictures came in recently for our daughter in kindergarten and they had jazzed them up by formatting some as bookmarks, door hangers, pendants, etc. They went missing and we soon found them all over her bedroom. Her toy frog was even wearing the pendant. - StarbossTechnology

15.

I once found 32 juice box straws in my sons room. He was 3 at the time, and had gone through the entire case of juice boxes, pulled the straws off and hid them so his sister (who was 4) couldn't drink them. He knew how to poke a hole in the top and suck it out, and she couldn't. If his plan had worked they would have all been his. - menudotacoburrito

16.

My mom found my homemade bong when I was 14/15. I told her it was a bird caller. I don't think she bought it. - Electric_copper

Everyone is coping with the limits of quarantine differently, but one thing that has bonded us all is a lack of energy for celebrity nonsense.

While yes, the rich and famous among us are also affected by the pandemic, being quarantined in a mansion with land to lounge on is very different than being cooped in an apartment with roommates. What's more, being quarantined as a person with money is a very different experience than losing your job and facing a big question mark about when you'll find work again.

All this is to say, the online backlash celebrities often face from being hyper-visible has ramped up even more in quarantine, particularly when they make posts that flash their class privilege in untactful ways.

The most recent celebrity to come under eye-roll and fire is none other than Chrissy Teigen, the beloved dame of Twitter whose former romance relationship with the internet has reached increasingly fickle territory as of late.

As always, the backlash was sparked by a simple tweet.

The tweet jokingly referenced Teigen purchasing a Celine bag at Barneys in order to use the bathroom guilt-free. For reference of the financial scale, many Celine bags hover around $1,500-$2,000, which makes for a very expensive bathroom break.

At first, many of the responses were playful - as people compared their far less expensive bathroom purchases.

But others were quick to point out just how unrelatable it is to joke about buying a $1,000 bag in order to use the bathroom, particularly during a pandemic that has rendered millions jobless, and still more concerned about paying their rent.

To really put her tweet in perspective, many Celine bags are worth more than the $1200 stimulus checks sent to everyday Americans to tide them over during this rapid hitting depression.

The reality is, as relatable as Teigen can be in many ways, her life experience is vastly separated from many due to her wealth and privilege.

This is far from the first time Teigen has faced trouble in Twitter paradise, back in November followers similarly criticized her for a joke about her mom treating air pods (which cost between $50-$150) like they're disposable. This debacle ultimately led her to apologize.

Also, just last week she temporarily made her account private after facing cyber bullying following a public back and forth with chef Alison Roman.

Few words in the English language are as harrowing and alarming as, "Would you like to share that with the class?"

No matter how sly students think they're being, a teacher standing at the front of the class can easily spot when a note is being past around the room. A Reddit thread asked the internet for their best "read the note to the class" stories, and the public humiliation is a very effective way for teachers to teach their students a lesson.

The lesson? Don't pass notes.

1. Hate to see you go, but love to see you walk away.

In maybe the 4th or 5th grade a kid is trying to pass me a note and is caught by the teacher. I wasn't paying attention to where it came from, I only noticed when it was about to be handed to me. She makes him read the note in front of the class. He reads the note and it says "You wanna be my boyfriend? I like the way your booty moves when you walk." I overreact and say "I'm not gay!!!!!" And the boy says "I didn't write that it came from Tasha."

Everyone laughs and she and I are both extremely embarrassed. After class I go to talk to her at the locker and she says "yeah I wrote it but I don't like you like that anymore."

Legend has it I'm still single to this day... -StattPadford

2. Quite the cheese whiz.

Friend of mine got caught. Teacher read the note:

"I like cheese."

That was literally it. This was followed by a short conversation discussing different types of cheese, ranging from pepper jack to parmesan. -Alpha_Eagle

3. Nerd is the new bad.

One time a student had passed a note and I asked it to be read out.

Read: bish to take K kn

Bastards had been playing a game of fucking correspondence chess during my lesson. I let them carry on. -spiderbabyinapram

4. Shorty had them Apple Bottom jeans (jeans)...

I was in 6th grade...The teacher read aloud a note these two kids were passing back and forth, and it was just all the lyrics to Low by Flo Rida. -​​​​​​FroggyR77

5. Going ham.

11th grade physics class, I teach maths but I was assigned to be present in the class for supervision (in that school, new teachers get to have a more experienced one in the classroom). I was standing at the back of the class when I saw two kids passing around notes, and said “you want to read that out loud or maybe give it to me? I could use something to read”, to help out the guy with not having to deal with it and continue the lesson. That didn’t happen though.

The boys start laughing, which makes the class and me laugh as well (damn the infectious laughter lol). Instead of giving the paper straight to me (I didn’t expect them to read it), the boy opens the note and takes a deep breath. He reads out loud, “imagine every body tied to the spring is a slice of ham”. EVERYONE lost it, it was such a random thing to say, I believe the physics teacher still has that note. -itellteacherstories

6. Be careful what you wish for.

In high school a girl in class passed a note to another girl, asking if she had a pad or tampon. Teacher completely blew up, started yelling at them, and asked them to read it out loud. They did, and the teacher, who was an older man, immediately calmed down and let it go. I think he was more embarrassed than the girls. -bllaaushpibu

7. Putting the "naughty" in "snotty."

Someone in my class had a cold and wiped their snot into a scrap piece of paper, as they didn't have a tissue. They then scrunched it up and left it on the side of their desk. Teacher saw this, thought it was a note and grabbed the paper, going through the usual fanfare of 'the importance not passing notes around'. The look on her face when she opened it was priceless. -casual_greg

8. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

My sister-in-law was in 7th grade and was passing notes with a friend. The particular note she was writing one day explicitly called the teacher an a**hole. When she was caught with the note, instead of reading it out loud, she ran to the restroom and flushed it down the toilet.

This story is frequently shared at family get-togethers. -SuperKeeg

9. This one's heartwarming.

A positive spin: I was long-term subbing a class. One day I noticed students discreetly passing around a piece of paper while I was teaching. I went to retrieve it.... and discovered it was a petition signed by each student requesting I remain their teacher for the rest of the year :) -hettieann

10. A+ vocabulary.

8th graders....talking about reproduction in class....semen comes up, the note passed said, "isn't the proper science term cum?" Wonderful. -usesformooses06093

11. He was getting hard-boiled.

Not me, but a friend of mine who taught 7th grade. He found a note and was about to read it to the class but when he opened it, the note read:

“I want you to crack an egg in my a** and f*ck me so hard it scrambles”

He immediately put it in his locked desk drawer without reading it out loud, and it’s now laminated and hung up on his fridge at home. -idealisticbitch

12. Everything is a learning opportunity.

Not really a note, but when I was teaching college classes, I caught two of the girls whispering, so I told them "If you're going to tell secrets, you need to share with the rest of the class." (I taught preschool before this). She looked right at me, and said, without the slightest embarrassment, "I was just telling her that I think you have a cute butt."

I was teaching a Communications class, and we were discussing communications in the workplace, and I looked down at the textbook. After seeing what the next section was, I said "Ok, moving on to the next section, titled 'Sexual Harrassment'." Everyone roared with laughter.

A couple weeks later, at a baseball game paid for by the school, she came on to me really hard, with my fiancee right there. -randomned

13. A Public Service Announcement.

When I was in high school, I started a note from the back row of the class, which was passed and read by nearly everyone in the class. The teacher grabbed it as it went past him, when there was only 3 people left who hasn't read it. I think he was going to read it out to the class, but he looked at it before he read it. All the note said was that the zip on his pants was down. With all respect to him, he calmly zipped up and continued teaching. -SonofRontgen

14. Ms. Grey will see you now.

In 7th grade science I wrote a note to a friend with an apple depicted as a ninja it read "I hope Ms.Grey gets killed by a green ninja apple." Read it out loud, class laughed. Science teacher went to the math teacher (Ms.Grey) and they [scolded] about how wrong it was, and the math teacher threatened to press charges over the posted note.

She was a B*TCH who said on her first day of school "I can't wait to retire." -​​​​​​AmalgamateSociety

15. Teachers are gullible, too.

I was in eighth grade and it was a hot, sunny day in mid May. I wrote "it's snowing" on a piece of paper and showed it to my friend sitting next to me, who immediately looked out the window. We both laughed because obviously it wasn't snowing. Then he and I laughed when I showed it to another student and they immediately looked out the window. And so on until most of the class is in on the joke, and watching as I show the piece of paper to the next unwitting fool. Almost every student knows what's going on, when my teacher sees that I'm showing this piece of paper to everyone and making them laugh. She walks over to my desk, looks down at the piece of paper that says "it's snowing" and instinctively looks out the window. The entire class bursts out in laughter. -​​​​​​returnofdoom

16. Bloody well right.

In health class, we were talking about boners and how they fill up with blood. My cousin took a piece of paper and wrote “your penis is filled with blood” and threw it at some popular kid. The teacher picked it up and you can see him die inside because of the immaturity of 8th graders and how he has to teach them for a career. -Huskerknight20

If you were thinking, "hey, times are hard, but at LEAST I have this big fresh bowl of ripe strawberries," well, I got some bad news for you buddy. Over on TikTok, where teens have proven themselves to be entirely too clever, savvy AND annoyingly good at dancing, some people are sharing videos of what happens when you wash berries in salt water. And, reader, it is not good.

In a video that is seared into my mind for the rest of time, a TikTokker demonstrated how, when she washed her strawberries in salt water, little bugs came out.

I WARNED YOU.

Other TikTok users tried the same technique with tragically similar results.

And a woman named Lauren Mackenzie Gambrell shared her experience on Facebook, spreading this terrifying but life-changing information to the over-30s crowd:

She writes:

🍓🍓🍓After nearly 25 years of living, TikTok taught me how to properly wash strawberries. They are FILLED with tiny bugs and tons of dirt!! 🍓🍓🍓

She shared photos to show the aftermath of what came out when she washed the berries in a salt water/vinegar mix:

This is her recipe for berry-washing berries to avoid eating fuzz, dirt, and, yes, BUGS:

1 part white vinegar
4 parts cold water
Sprinkle of salt
Let sit 5 min
Rinse with water
Pat dry
Thank me later 🤢

THANK YOU LAUREN!

If you're still doubting this horrifying discovery, an article in Scientific American from 2013 confirms that, yes, there are tiny little bugs in a lot of the foods we eat. And they're actually pretty harmless (unlike corn syrup, a known killer which our food also contains by the gallon). It's better not to think about it too much about it because life is hard enough.

But I'll most definitely be washing all my berries in salt water and vinegar from now on. Hahahhaa JK I'm never eating a strawberry again. Thanks a lot TikTok.

Teaching can be an incredibly rewarding job, but it can also be incredibly draining. Corralling a classroom full of rambunctious children and attempting to keep a peace while inspiring learning is no small task, and some teachers have to get extra creative to keep kids on their toes.

While obviously honesty is the best policy, there are times when teachers (much like parents) twist the truth a bit to get children to do what they need. Sometimes these little white lies are completely fantastical, and easily disproven when children become old enough to know how the world works. Other times, however, they hit closer to reality and leave adults looking back wondering exactly what their teacher was hiding.

In a popular Reddit thread, teachers shared the fake stories they made up to keep their students interested and in line, and there are some true story tellers in this mix.

1. From honeybeebutch:

Not a teacher, but a camp counselor. I helped lead archery instruction sometimes, and I have a little round scar, smaller than a dime, on my torso. When I told them about range safety (shooting only when told, not pointing your bow at others, and not shooting when there's someone on the range), I showed them my scar and said that I got shot once last year when I was collecting arrows and someone shot down the range anyway.

I actually got the scar from frying tofu without a shirt on.

2. From roddomusprime:

I have said this before in other threads. I teach 2nd grade. I tell my students every year that I can tell if they are lying by looking at their tongue. Then when a kid lies they won't stick out their tongues. I catch a kid in a pretty obvious lie at the beginning of the year to prove my point. It has worked for 8 years now.

3. From MayorOfDipshitCity:

Any time I told a class to keep working/reading because I had to briefly attend a case conference with a parent and administrator I was actually leaving to go poop.

4. From tiny_toucher:

My first year of teaching I sold my entire class on the idea that my identical twin (also a teacher) would sometimes switch classes for the day. It challenged them to really pay attention and they loved coming up with theories (maybe one of us always wore pants? Maybe that new haircut means it is actually my twin?). The kicker - I don’t have a twin at all.

5. From PandaBearTellEm:

TBH the extent of my lying to students is basically "wow, that's a very thoughtful answer" and "yeah, okay, I see why you might think that, but..."

6. From whistlepoo:

When I was young we had a kid in our class with special needs who had...inappropriate tendencies. I remember one time the teacher told him, in kid friendly speak:

'Don't pull your dingus out when you're not in the bathroom otherwise a sparrow might fly away with it.'

7. From FivebyFive:

I had a group of after school (daycare) kids at a park. They REALLY wanted to feed the ducks. We had no bread, it was getting late. I knew someone was gonna end up in the water. Plus..well I thought it'd be funny...

So I said, "oh no, those are GEESE! Guys, geese are so mean. We gotta be careful... Watch out... RUN FOR IT!!!"

And I hightailed it out of there. They all came running screaming after me.

Somewhere out there, there's a group of* kids with a healthy respect for geese.

8. From RamsesThePigeon:

While I wasn't a teacher in the traditional sense of the word, my first-ever job saw me offering swimming lessons to kids. For the most part, my students were well-behaved and attentive, but there were always those occasional individuals who felt the need to test boundaries. One way that they did this was by slowly moving away from the pool's shallow end, trying to see how far in to deep water they could get before I told them to come back.

Needless to say, it got a bit old.

Fortunately, there was a local rumor that I managed to exploit: Set into one wall of the pool (in the deep end), there was a large window, with nothing visible beyond it but darkness. In truth, the space behind the plexiglass was just a room that housed the pool's various cleaning mechanisms, but whispers from swimmers suggested that an enormous shark lived somewhere in the gloom. When I finally got fed up with a handful of rebellious students, I played up that hearsay for my own benefit:

"Dude, guys, seriously," I said, "you're going to make the shark mad."

That got their attention. "Shark?" one of them repeated. "What shark?"

I gestured over to the window, keeping a weary-but-serious expression on my face. "You know, the shark. Every pool has one. It helps to keep things clean... but if it gets upset..." I let the sentence go unfinished, and just a hint of concern crept onto my face.

Now, I really doubt that any of the children took me seriously, but my warning had its intended effect. Perhaps it was just the possibility of angering a deep-sea predator that kept them in check. Either way, I didn't have any problems with my charges slinking away after that... and I was also able to offer a fun promise for the end of class:

"If everyone behaves," I told them, "we can all go and very quietly visit the shark on the last day of lessons."

I was true to my word...and I still smile when I remember how one of my students whispered "I can see it!"

TL;DR: I called upon a monster from the deep to keep my students in check.

9. From RockyK:

This was a decade ago and I'm no longer a teacher in classrooms. I used to make up stories about social media being a tool to harvest data, and encourage them to avoid sharing sensitive content online, as it can be used against them.

One story I made up was about how if the student used a fake name on Myspace, but you write about your school/places you go, someone can easily piece together who they were. Another story I would tell is how a livejournal post was used to convict the kid of a crime. Totally pulled those stories out of my a*s.

Now I don't need to make up stories. Sh*t is real.

10. From tie_po:

A teacher told us not to sharpen both ends of out pencils because he had a friend that was writing and as he wrote his head slowly lowered as he got tired and he pulled his eye out. We were also instructed not to put pencils in our breast pocket facing up because if we fell it would puncture our heart as we fall onto it. Neither makes sense but I still have an irrational fear of pencils that have been sharpened on both ends.

11. From manymoreways:

I remembered one specifically. In our country we have vaccine days where the government hospital sends a bunch of nurses to your school and everyone gets a shot. I was 7 IIRC.

So the nurse had like a demonstration in front of the class to clam everyone down and needs a volunteer. Welp I was the problem child and the teacher sent me in. Before I got up to the nurse, the teacher pulled me aside and secretly told me that of I cry, the nurse might mess up the shot and has to take a second shot again. She tells me whatever I do, do not cry.

Anyways, I went up tears already streaming down my face scared sh*tless because this teacher told me that I'm gonna get 2 shots if I cried. The nurse was like "wtf I haven't started yet" I just broke down and say "please don't give me 2 shots" the nurse was nice enough to say she didn't bring enough for seconds and tell me not to worry.

She saw me brighten up and I took the shot happily. Then while the needle is still in me hanging off my arm she brought me closer to everyone and told them to take a look. And says that the needle is harmless and painless and told everyone not to worry.

My mind was like 'am I a f*cking joke to everyone?'

12. From moonprairie:

Not a teacher, but you know when you get bored in class and have a mechanical pencil and start pushing all the lead out? I had a teacher in the 7th grade tell everyone not to do that, then proceeded to tell us this horrific story about a student he had years ago that pierced his eye with the lead when his hand slipped. He convinced us all this kid had a piece of pencil lead sticking straight out of his eye the entire school year.

13. From nonshyintro:

Not a teacher, but I remember my 2nd grade teacher told us not to throw paper airplanes because years ago a kid had a paper plane fly by his face and it gave him a paper cut on his eyeball. I was terrified of paper planes for longer than I’m proud of.

14. From ostrich9:

Paw patrol wouldn't be shown anymore because Ryder heard our class was being bad. Three kiddos shaped up right then and there ha.

15. From PedroFPardo:

Not a teacher but a gun instructor.

The first day at the firing range he told us a story about a very promising student that was in the previous promotion and he died in the firing range because someone point the gun to the wrong place. The instructor was dead serious and his assistant looks like he was going to start to cry. I totally believed the story.

Three months later I was promoted and become the assistant to the instructor and the guy start to tell the same story without any warning, without telling me anything, we never talk about that story and there he was telling the same story to the new comers, he got the the part were he says the dead student was a very good friend of mine and I realize the whole thing was a made up story to scare the new students and I can avoid looking at him with a stupid smile on my face and then I realize that the whole class is looking at me.

He asked me. Remember him? and with my stupid smile on my face I couldn't say other thing that: well he was kind of an a*shole.

16. From spinarial:

Not a teacher but the student. I was in middle school, in biology class and I had an awful case of hiccups. I also had the luck (not really) of being in the first line of students (we couldn't choose our places).

Anyway, I started having hiccups in the middle of the teacher explaining the next exercise, she looked at me once, then continued the explanation.

Second hiccup, she take a break and say to me "are you alright ? I hope it's gonna stop soon or I'm gonna have to kick you out, it prevent the other from concentrating". I smiled and just apologize, I thought it was a joke, she wasn't the type of teacher to kick out students.

Third hiccup, she take another break and come to my table, "stop it, really. I don't wanna kick you out." I thought it was odd and weird for a joke to be that long for just hiccups.

Fourth hiccup, "alright that's it, get out !" She take my student card (we had to have them on our tables at all time in case the teacher need to report you, it was a pretty strict school). Time legit stopped for me, I never got kicked out before and I was freaking out like never before. She stops, look at me and wait a bit...no more hiccups.. She smile and give me my card back "haha, I'm joking, do you need water?"

10/10 this teacher was one of the best I ever had.

17. From tearswontcry:

Not a teacher but a camp counselor. For obvious reasons we hated letting the kids use glitter but the camp insisted on supplying it. We told the kids that one of the counselors was super allergic to glitter and that’s why we couldn’t use it. All whining about glitter stopped.

18. From whimsyanddreams:

I've yet to have to lie to stop my students, but I have gotten them to do stuff by lying. This summer they've been into big foot, so I get them to clean the playground by saying "that silly bigfoot left a mess! We need to show him how we clean up, so he can learn how to do it too". They are convinced that bigfoot has no manners and hangs out near our school so he can learn, but he's too shy to ask in person.

19. From kakokapolei:

I’m not sure if this was even a real story, but my teacher told us she literally took a student to court for stealing a bag of chips and the student had to pay like a $100 fine or something.

20. From ladyludgate:

I teach at a pre-k daycare and had one little boy who was constantly hitting, biting, and whacking at other kids - especially the girls. So we told him that boys who hit girls go to jail. I said that another little boy was arrested for hitting girls a few weeks ago and we have to visit him in jail now.

Little dude’s hitting has ~magically stopped.

Former NFL player and current COVID conspiracy theorist Matt Birk is getting tackled for questioning the wisdom of epidemiologists during the pandemic.

Birk compared the historical Titanic to the biblical Noah's Ark, which is like comparing scientific apples to religious oranges.

The Titanic metaphor backfired as people noted that it wasn't engineering that sunk the boat, but (SPOILER ALERT!) a captain failing to steer clear of an iceberg.

Commenters also criticized Birk for using the bible in an attempt to contradict scientists.

Plus, the take isn't even correct according to the bible. Twitter was quick to note that Matt Birk went to Harvard, but he clearly didn't major in history or theology.

It is written in Genesis:

Make thee an ark of gopher wood; rooms shalt thou make in the ark, and shalt pitch it within and without with pitch.

And this is the fashion which thou shalt make it of: The length of the ark shall be three hundred cubits, the breadth of it fifty cubits, and the height of it thirty cubits.

A window shalt thou make to the ark, and in a cubit shalt thou finish it above; and the door of the ark shalt thou set in the side thereof; with lower, second, and third stories shalt thou make it.

Turns out that the Titanic vs. Bible guy doesn't know much about the Titanic or the Bible.

Birk responded to the criticism by doubling down on his anti-epidemiologist take.

His heart will go on.

We've all had at least one moment of hopelessness, defeat or confusion that forced us to stared into the sky and asked the universe for some kind of tangible sign.

Whether it was something heavy such as a sign to help you overcome a difficult decision or learn to accept an unfortunate challenge in life, or perhaps something lighter such as a sign whether or not to quit a job you hate or move somewhere new and exciting, the universe is definitely full of mysterious surprises. Depending on your faith, or what you believe about the unexplainable events of our human lives, "signs" can show up in many different forms. What some might consider to be just a simple coincidence could be an ominous red flag or massive turning point in the life of someone else.

So, when a recent Reddit user asked, "If you’ve ever asked the universe for some kind of sign and got it clear as day, what was it and how did it go?" people who followed "signs" were definitely ready to answer. Brace yourself for the chills, the universe is definitely an unpredictable messenger!

1.

Recently, all within the space of 2 weeks, I lost my job, my house, my (now ex) cheated on me and I'm across the other side of the world from my family. I had never been at rock bottom before but I was certain this was it - so I begged the universe to help me get out of this somehow.

Yesterday I finally closed the chapter with my ex, completely got rid of his stuff and put it behind me. I also sent a message to all my friends and family back home telling them how much I loved and appreciated them.

Today I got a call from my boss offering me my old job back, was offered a huge commission from my side hustle (digital art) which will pay my next 6 months worth of rent and will be able to fly back home soon to see my parents. I don't know who is looking out for me but I'm beyond grateful. - beth0210

2.

All my life, whenever I went to the beach I had wanted to find an intact sand dollar. I had found lots of pieces, but never a whole one.

When I was in my mid 30s, I went with a group of friends to the coast. I was walking alone along the beach in the moonlight close to midnight. I was feeling very sorry for myself in the dark, and really lonely, even though I was with my friends that weekend.

I had just started thinking the thought, "Wouldn't it be a great sign right now to know that I'm loved if I finally found a sand dollar?" I had barely formed the thought when I looked down, and right at my feet was an intact sand dollar. - hiddencountry

3.

Lottery tickets.

I was always curious about lottery tickets but never wanted to indulge in it. One day in a grocery store, I told the universe,

"I am going to buy a lotto ticket now (not the grand bumper ones, just a simple scratch one) for the first time in life. If I win a prize, I'll take it as a sign from you and never buy it again."

I bought a ticket for $3, scratched it and won $500. I smiled and donated $250 of the amount. Enjoyed some good food multiple times with the other $250. Never bought or looked at a lottery ticket again. Will never do. - sweet_savage_42

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I got home from my best friends funeral... The whole time sitting in the funeral home asking him or god for a sign. When I got home I turned on the T.V. and his favourite song was playing on much music. - imafrigginidiot

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My (then) girlfriend was having a really awful week. I felt terrible for her, which made me realize how serious our relationship was because empathy is... not a strong suit of mine. She wanted to take a trip to the Grand Tetons to clear her head.

She wanted to see a moose on this trip, but it was August so relatively unlikely since they tend to move to higher elevations that time of year... I had never seen a moose in the wild.

Before we left, i thought "if we see a moose on this whirlwind 72 hr road trip I will take it as a sign I should marry this girl."

Sure enough, right in the middle of the day, on one of the busiest trails in the park, is a great big bull moose hanging out in the lake. Married 5 years this year. - RIPEOTCDXVI

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I had gotten a job at a retail store and went in for the orientation and to do training. The vibe was kind of off in the store but I ignored it. I got to the back where the computers were but couldn’t shake the feeling of being uncomfortable. In my head I said, “alright universe. If I’m not meant to work here, show me some kind of sign. Make them send me home for the day or something.” About an hour later, a huge storm rolled in and shut off the power in the store. The manager came in and said for me to go home since they computers weren’t working and I couldn’t do my training. A couple months later and I was working at a new job that I absolutely love. - grassisblue22

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I had asked the universe for a sign of good and friendly people really existing out in this world. I know, it's kinda stupid but I have struggled with making friends that weren't toxic, and I felt like I just wasn't destined to have great friends.

About two days after I had asked for a sign, I went to my local park to do my daily routine of sitting down, smoking my cigarettes and reading and for some strange reason, a pair of strangers came up to me and introduced themselves.

We ended up talking with each other for what felt like hours and eventually, I had asked them why they came up to me and the guy said 'oh, we made a deal to see if we could make any new friends and we did. You're a new friend!' After, we all walked and got some cookies and ice cream and chilled again, by the river this time.

They both are now my closest friends, and it all started because I was at the right place, and at the right time for them to come up to me. I strongly believe that it was the universe's doing and am so grateful for it. - shadybuddha_

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I was in a bad time of my life. i grew up quite naive and id like to say sheltered? So when my first boyfriend broke up with me, it was the worst thing that ever happened to me, he was my first and i took it VERY seriously so it made it 1000x worse for me. i already had depression but this knocked me onto suicidal territory. I wasn’t sleeping, lost 20 pounds bc i wouldnt eat, i felt sickly, weak, and just didn’t wanna be here anymore. I felt like no one cared, i just wanted someone to hold me and tell me that ill be okay.

I like to drive and blast my music when im upset to unwind so i started to drive on the highway and i decided i was finally going to end it. a few minutes before i was going to gear my car off the highway into the lining of trees, i looked in my rear view mirror and saw an ambulance driving behind me. I had never seen an ambulance on the highway that didn’t have its signal going and immediately broke down and cried, the ambulance was just cruising behind me. I took that as a sign that the universe did care and that i was significant. So i drove home to my mother and told her i needed help. i was taken to the hospital, put on medication and went to therapy for my underlying issues and depression.

A year and a half later i am off medication, no longer needing therapy, and currently thriving! That ambulance truly saved me that day. - dancinqqq

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I was walking. What would have been a 4 hour drive... And I was walking. I straight up begged for a car to stop and pick me up and literally seconds later a woman stopped who was traveling all the way to where I was heading. Same town. 4 hours away. What are those odds? - adorabletortuga

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I’m not superstitious at all, but my uncle is. When my Nan passed he went to see a fortune teller who told him that anytime our family sees white feathers around, that’s Nans way of showing us that she’s there. I thought it was a load of bullshit and forgot about it.

A few years later I was at a music festival. Everything was coated in dirt and dust being churned up by thousands of people’s feet. Even the air was so thick with dust it was making it hard to see and breathe. I was on the edges of the mosh pit when I started to have my first panic attack. I’d never had one before, didn’t know what was happening to me and I was terrified. I felt like I was being crushed and like I was the only person in the world at the same time. I remember desperately thinking ‘I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want to be here alone’ I crouched down in the middle of the dirty dusty crown and when I opened my eyes there was a single white feather on the ground right between my feet. It was perfectly white, no dirt, not stepped on or anything- in a mosh pit. I stared at the feather until I could get my breathing under control and get out of there and I still have that feather. - wigglewalker

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I asked if I should bother sending a text to my abusive ex. My phone responded by discharging all of its electricity through the charger port and refusing to turn back on. - Leperchaun913

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Coming out for the very first time, I was really (unnecessarily) nervous, it was to a good friend of mine and I saw him walking around with rainbow socks, then I knew I would be fine, so after 5 minutes of awkward stumbling I said that I'm bi and he just replied with a smooth "oh me too lol" - theLocalPimp

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I was feeling depressed and lonely after a rough break up on top of problems at home. I just asked the universe if there was anyone out there who could actually love a messed up person like me. A few days later, I met my now fiancé because he wanted to know what I was sketching. We now live together and are still as dorky as the day we met. - angelofchaos9800

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I was looking up at the night sky and said “Dad show me a shooting star” and one shot across the sky. He had passed a few years earlier, and it was purely coincidental but I really needed it at the time. - yetigirl00

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I asked the universe for a sign for whether or not I should continue with my graduate studies as planned, or switch to something easier. That evening I went for a walk with my friend through the local cemetery, and while off the trail, we walked past a gravestone with my professor's actual full name on it. I was so shook that I didn't even say anything to my friend at the time. I stayed with my plans, and am now on schedule to graduate this summer :) - babyforrest

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During a hopeless and awful time, walking home middle of the night, I asked for a sign that things would get better.

Immediately the sky lit up. A meteorite with a long golden tail briefly zipped across the horizon in front of me. The day after things started getting better. I'll never forget it. - Empty_ Allocution

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Was talking to this guy everyday for a while and wasn't sure if I should pursue a relationship so I asked the universe if I should continue talking to him... He broke his phone that night. - casuallystalkingg

Parents are essential workers during quarantine. And we should probably clap for them every day like we do for doctors and nurses and other frontline workers, but let's be honest, they have enough loud noises going on at home already. Being a parent during a pandemic is no joke. But a lot of parents are still finding ways to make it funny.

Here are 29 of the funniest tweets of the past week from parents that anyone quarantined with kids can probably relate to:

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“Having children is like living in a frat house- nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”

-Ray Romano

Parenting has plenty of ups and downs. Anyone with kids knows the struggle is real. These memes are hilariously relatable for anyone trying to keep their children alive and maintain their sanity during a pandemic. You got this.

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Some of the most gripping movie plots are punctuated with scenes where a character has to quickly explain themselves out of a suspicious looking situation.

Maybe they are innocent person who just so happens to be wielding a bloody object a stone's throw from a crime scene, or perhaps they look like they're trespassing while trying to get into their home, whatever the scenario, the most compelling "wait let me explain moments" often feel too cartoonish to happen in real life.

And yet, the real world is often weirder than any fiction, and there are moments when people find themselves caught in a bizarre scenario straight out of a movie plot.

In a popular Reddit thread, the OP asked people to share their craziest "I can explain" stories, and the internet delivered.

1. OP kicked off the thread:

Here's the full story from the title:

First, some background info. I live in Pennsylvania and you're allowed to (and usually have to) pump your own gas. In New Jersey, it's illegal to pump your own gas.

So, some friends are driving around New Jersey. Said friend is the member of a band and, with him, is the other 3 members of his band, his girlfriend, and another friend. That's 6 people. The car only has seats for 5. So, on a trip to the gas station, one bandmate figures it'd be fun to ride in the trunk.

This guy is a bit crazy in the best way. On the way from the venue to the gas station, while in the trunk, he gets totally naked save for a pink bandana around his neck so he can surprise the sh*t out of everyone when they get back.

The car arrives at the gas station and, realizing they have to let someone pump their gas, they pull up to a pump and an attendant comes to help them. When he asks my friend to open the door covering the gas valve thingy, with him being used to manually opening it himself (as opposed to using the automatic button inside the car), he fumbles around for the button...

And pops the trunk.

There lays a naked man, who looks a bit like a beardless Jesus, wearing nothing but a pink bandana.

The best part is my friend didn't even realize it was the wrong button. So, the attendant just stands there awkwardly as the guy in the trunk tries to shut the trunk while everyone in the car sits looking bored with straight faces.

2. From DoctorWhoToYou:

I used to have to unload stuff from my work truck into my garage. It wasn't uncommon for me to forget to shut the tailgate on the covered truck bed. In the summer it wasn't such a bad thing, but in the winter, cats would take shelter in it.

On bad nights, I would intentionally leave it open. These were cats other neighbors just let roam the neighborhood, often forgetting about them. I felt bad for them, but didn't want to bring them into my house because I didn't want fleas/disease transferred to my animals.

I got into the habit of smacking the bed with my hand before shutting the tailgate and driving to work. When I smacked the bed, the cats would usually jet out the back of the truck. I would do a quick look in and then shut the tailgate. One wintery, blistery day I woke up late. So I ran out the door, slammed the tailgate without thinking about or doing the obligatory bed-smack/look.

On the way to the job, I stopped to get gas at a station really close to my house and remembered I needed gas for my snowblower. I usually had a gas can in the bed. I stopped at the gas station, which was a typically busy in the morning gas station and started filling the truck.

I went back to the tailgate to open it to get the gas can out. I dropped the tailgate and about six, terrified cats came racing out of the bed. One actually ran up and over me, leaping from my shoulder. They did this big loopity-loop, panic run in the gas station and then headed off into the neighborhood. They all made it out safe and we were only a few blocks from my house.

But for one instant. Everyone in the gas station froze to stare at me. People inside were staring out at me. People at the pumps were staring at me. I've never felt so judged in my life, it was like i was trafficking humans. I could feel their eyes penetrating my soul. It was about 10^o F out and I could feel myself starting to sweat.

When I went in to get coffee, the silence finally broke and a woman asked me what it was all about. I explained it to her, rather loudly so that everyone who witnessed it could hear it. I don't think they believed me.

3. From Prufrock01:

I was in my early twenties. And we were spending a couple of weeks at a friend's beach house in an upscale east coast resort town. One late night, we decide it would be a great idea to crash the local community swimming pool for a skinny dip. So seven guys and gals pile into one sedan to head off for the challenge. I am the only non-drinker, so I am the naturally designated driver.

We arrive at the pool, shimmy through an opening in the fence, chuck off all of our clothes and jump in. hilarity ensues...until. Wait! someone has notified the cops of our presence. As we see the cop car search light scanning for us, we freak. Time to make a fast escape and pile back into the ride undetected. But not enough time to get dressed. So we are now a car full of seven people (six of them drunk) covered in nothing but towels. And we drive away, confident in our success.

However, in all the excitement, I manage to make an illegal left turn as part of our getaway. And, you guessed it, cop car lights up and pulls me over.

The officer gets out and approaches the car full of mostly naked twenty-somethings. He takes a look and says to me, with a straight face and without missing a beat, "I don't reckon you'd have a drivers license under there - would you?"

Where even to begin.

4. From flemoids:

I had just put air ride on my truck and was taking it on it's maiden voyage. I forgot to tuck a brake line and had been unknowingly dragging through it. All of the sudden it decides to let loose right as I'm stopping at a stop sign. I'm half way through the intersection with no brakes when I see a cop sitting waiting to bust people for blowing through. He pulls me over and I try to explain. He clearly doesn't believe me so he asks me to press my brake pedal. Boom. Brake fluid squirted right on to his shoe. No ticket.

5. From steve032:

Me and my roommates came home late one night from a night of drinking. It's about 2 a.m., and there is a knock on our back door. I open it up and there is a tall, muscular fellow there wearing only a t-shirt and tennis shoes, cupping his unmentionables and covered in bloody gashes. He says he can explain, that the cops are after him, and asks to come in. My other roommate comes down and is like "Absolutely, come right in! No one comes to someone's door naked in the middle of the night to start trouble. You come because you need help, right?"

So the guy starts in on this story of how they are at a house party up the street. They are loud and have had a few noise complaints, so the cops are essentially sitting on the corner just waiting to bust them. He thinks it would be a good idea to take his pants off and go streaking by a parked police cruiser. Hint: It was not a good idea. Two cops start chasing him, another goes into the house to start interrogating his friends.

Did I mention this was a tall muscular dude? He runs laps around the overweight police men, then takes off across a field to either outrun them or hide. As I understand, he distances himself by about 75 yards, then runs headlong into a barbed-wire fence. The barbs had left huge gashes in his stomach, chest and legs, but he untangles himself and hides in a culvert as the cops roam the neighborhood with flashlights looking for him.

Flash forward 2 hours, he sees us come home, across from the field where he is hiding, and makes his way to our back door and recounts his tale. We give him a beer, a pair of gym shorts, and escort him back to his house party, where he is greeted with raucous laughter, applause, and more then a few disgruntled looks from the people he had left to be interrogated by the police for an hour. The entire party covered for him, claiming that they didn't know him and that he had not left his pants with them (they hid them, and his wallet). It all worked out.

6. From xhable:

Once opened my front door to two Jehovah's Witnesses - which in turn opened to a bedroom with what looked like 6 naked men in a giant bed together (they ran off down the street before my hungover brain could figure out why they were freaked out).

We were just hungover and watching crappy cartoons on my projector. Just straight equally hungover men watching cartoons topless in bed together. 0.o

7. From howzagoin:

I got real drunk with my girlfriend and her mate one Saturday night. They convinced me to wear a dress and then when I passed out in a chair in the living room they covered me in makeup, lipstick, blush, mascara, the works. I looked like a clown.

So I wake up in the chair 9am Sunday with a jolt as someone is knocking loudly at the door Still half drunk I open the door to 2 Mormons, they look at me shocked, stammer "we've got the wrong house" and leave. Took me a few secs to realize what I looked like to them.

8. From hat_swap:

Back when I was in graduate school, this woman named Amal in one of my classes suggested we get together and study. I prefer studying on my own but, so as not to be rude, I agreed anyways. She scribbless her number down, I put it in my wallet, and then promptly forget about the whole thing. About a year later my wife was looking for a card in my wallet while we were driving down the road and stumbles across the slip of paper.

She opens it up and in a shocked voice asks, "What the hell is this?" By this time, my memory of getting her number was almost completely gone as was most of the letter M in Amal. So when I read the piece of paper I see exactly what my wife sees: One word Anal, followed by a phone number. I immediately say I can explain, but given that I had forgotten about getting her number, the next 20 seconds involved a mixture of panic and confusion as I tried to remember how the hell I could have possibly ended up with a solicitation for anal sex in my wallet.

I finally put together what had happened and we had a pretty good laugh over it. However, I often wondered how that would have turned out if I never could have remembered where it came from.

TL;DRLearned my wife will believe anything Had to explain why I had a solicitation for anal sex in my wallet.

9. From kaileeann:

I have a hand held electric nail file. It's really..well...dildo shaped. I had some friends over for a sleepover one night and my friend pulls it out and gives me this look of abject horror...I don't think she believed me when I told her its just a nail file.

10. From keozen:

Similar, back in the day (I'm talking 33.6K modems) I was a big fan of Dungeon Keeper 2 and had downloaded a couple of wallpapers from the website for my computer. When I got home from school the next day I was asked by my mother in a very stern manner what "horny_mistress_640x480.bmp" was.

"Well, they're characters from this game I've been playing" wasn't the best start to my explanation.

11. From RANDOMjackassNAME:

That'd be the time I follow too many links (using my phone) which end up linking to a gay orgy vid, I closed the browser right away, decided I had have enough internet for the day, next morning I try to show a something on reddit to my bro, and yeah gay porn starts playing, that was an difficult conversion.

12. From lespritdelescalier11:

I was recently walking home, and saw a bunch of bird crap on the sidewalk in front of me. I heard birds in the trees above, so I decided to walk around the drop zone, which put me in the street. As I stepped into the street, I noticed a mid-to-late twenties black gentleman walking the opposite way on the sidewalk.

I have never received a look of disgust that great at any other time in my life.

13. From shallowblue:

When I was an intern (I'm a doctor) I examined an admittedly ridiculously hot girl who was having palpitations. I took out my stethoscope and listened to her heart under her hospital gown. I clumsily and very accidentally (while holding the stethoscope) brushed her nipple with my hand and her heart starts beating faster and the alarm of the heart monitor starts going off. In comes the nurse to see what's happening and there I am with my hand under her top and both of us are blushing like mad and me looking very, very guilty.

14. From PaxiSnack:

Worked at a bike shop and one day a man in a wheelchair comes in to get a flat fixed on his chair. I put a new tube in and rang him up. He was quite pleased with how low the price was. I told him, "Yeah, any other shop in town would have probably charged you and arm and a leg." The guy was missing an arm and a leg. Could have heard a pin drop.

15. From kentnasty:

So my mom decided to borrow my laptop without telling me once, and when she opened it at work she found a folder full of animal, granny, bbw, and pregnant woman porn.

EXPLANATION: it wasn't an actual folder, it was an image of a screenshot that I had taken. I was borrowing Internet from a neighbor, who had his entire computer on a shared network, for some reason. Being the nosy teenager I was, I browsed his files and found the creepiest stash of porn I had never even heard of.

I couldn't stop laughing, so I took a screenshot (just of the file names), pasted into a paint file and saved it. However, I didn't close out of the paint file before I shut my laptop. My mother knows nothing about computers, and I NEVER expected her to randomly take mine to work. So when that was the first thing she saw as she opened my computer, she freaked out.

16. From ilikeexploring:

My friend, who is a film student, tends to make about 1-3 short films every summer when he's home from college. I usually help him out. He doesn't have a printer at his house, so it's always been my job to print out one or two scripts to do a read through with him and the actors.

One of his shorts was about a closeted lesbian who was in love with her best friend. The last page of the script involved a passionate kiss and then some screaming. And, of course, when I was stapling them, one of those pages fell to the ground.

My mother, who has always suspected me of being a lesbian, found it and assumed I had written it. She absolutely wouldn't believe me when I said it belonged to my friend.

17. From ncturtle:

The leader of the local girl scout troop belonged to the same pool as my family. One day I went to pick up my daughter from her scout meeting. With a few of the other mothers I didn't know, as well as most of the girl scouts all paying attention to me since I had just walked in, the leader exclaimed (once she figured out who I was there to pick up)..."I didn't recognize you with your clothes on"...The look on the faces of the other mothers was priceless.

18. From TheKenluckian:

I got a hole in my favorite sweater when I was around 12. It was made of that stretchy, thin material that's impossible to mend without being obvious, so I was looking for alternatives to save it. I got this idea that nail polish would keep the hole from spreading, but I didn't have any clear, so I used a dark maroon color that matched the shirt.

The hole was on the chest of the shirt, so was eye-level for most of the boys in my 6th grade class. I figured I had to do something to make my bra less obvious through the hole, so I grabbed a bra I didn't like and painted it with the same nail polish. Perfect.

Mom found the bra first and accepted that I had spilled nail polish on it. I'm not sure why I didn't tell the truth, but I was a kid and kids are weird.

Then my mom found the sweater. All she saw was a hole with a dark, crusty ring and she assumed I had been smoking and had burned a hole in the sweater. I had never smoked in my life, never left the house without her except to go to school, and had no way to get to a store that sold cigarettes without a car.

Yet I was still grounded. For smoking. She didn't believe my story, not even paired with the painted bra.

tl;dr: Painted my shirt with nail polish, my mom jumped to conclusions

19. From johnnycrosshatch:

About 8 years ago me and some friends were working in Northern Italy around this time of year and we decided to hire a car and drive into Germany for Octoberfest.

After finding a carpark in Munich we (3 guys, 2 girls) head off to enjoy the beer. A few hours pass and my girlfriend is pretty drunk and looks like she's gonna start puking soon so we all decide to take her back to the car and let her have a bit of sleep on the back seat. Trying to get her into the car was a different story though because she wanted to "sleepy ina da back, no really back the car". Naturally we throw her in the boot and she went to sleep.

The rest of us locked the car and off we went to find a bar. Many, many beers and sing songs later we were heading back to the car when two policemen stopped us in the street and asked us for our IDs. We explained that all our stuff was in our hire car around the corner. The nice policemen offered to walk with us to the car so we could show them that we were legit European citizens and we weren't trying to smuggle people into the country or anything absurd like that.

Get to the car, open the boot, Italian girlfriend is still asleep on our bags. The police look at eachother and I quickly explain why there is what appears to be a drugged up kidnap victim in our car. After waking her up she starts shouting at the police because she was "nice sleepy der". The policemen check all our passports and one of them wishes me luck dealing with my crazy drunk girlfriend and gives me a wink.

20. From away_you_throw:

This was pretty harmless but it still shocked me a bit...

I recently realized my childhood dream and bought a telescope. It's a rather large 6" Newtonian reflector. I'm a huge astronomy fan and my parents were too poor to afford one when I was young.

I live in a city, and my apartment has a balcony that faces several other buildings and apartments.

I have never owned a telescope before, so naturally, when it finally arrived I wanted to assemble it as fast as possible. I did this in the middle of a Saturday afternoon in my living room. I struggled a bit but after an hour or so, I was finished.

Obviously the first thing you do when you get a telescope is look through it so I took a quick glance through it, at a hill, into the distance. It worked and I was a happy camper. I then tried to work through the "collimation" procedure that I read about and it seemed to work. You basically tune your mirrors so that they produce a good image.

A bit later I realized that an old lady from a building across the courtyard probably stared at me through her window through the entire procedure.

I didn't think much about it, and left the telescope assembled in my living room.

After the evening I tried to have a look a the stars from my balcony. Light pollution was bad but, hey, I wanted to familiarize myself with the scope before I wanted to take it to the outskirts of the city. I did see the stars and it was magnificent! I think I even caught a fast moving satellite, it was pretty cool.

And there she was that again, that old lady stared at me from her dimly lit window. She probably thought that I was the creep and peeping into other people's living rooms with this giant telescope.

I figured that I'd try to talk with her the next day and explain that I'm just getting into amateur astronomy and she doesn't need to worry.

Little did I know that half an hour the cops would knock at my door! I explained it to them but after they left I still think that they only half-believed me. In fact they gave me that look of disapproval, as if only a deranged person would buy a telescope in the first place.

I find this rather aggravating because, hey, we're living on a f*cking piece of rock flying around a giant fireball at 30km/s and is a glorious night sky filled with thousands of stars out there. I mean yeah, who the f*ck would want to marvel at the night sky when you can watch a rerun of Jersey Shore or whatever.

Anyways, the next day I invited the old lady to my apartment. We drank tea and I showed her the telescope and tried to explain what I knew about it. It was pretty heart warming. She thanked me and I told her that if she ever wanted to, she could accompany me and my girl friend to a night of sky gazing.

Quarantine has definitely been a unique challenge for all of us...

While it seems like some people are thriving during lockdown with daily workouts, motivational Instagram stories, virtual work happy hours, and a mysterious set of six pack abdominal muscle selfies-the truth is, a global health crisis poses challenges for everyone. It's critically important we all do our part to keep ourselves and those around us safe and healthy and if that means sacrificing our weekends at crowded bars, sweating through a face mask at the grocery store, or showing off your roots more than you'd like then that's what we all must do.

Still, we could all definitely use some laughs right now and luckily the internet has brought us some quality quarantine content during the lockdown. Families coming together for Tiktok dance parties, drive-by birthday parades, babies meeting their grandparents through windows, and Zoom weddings have all been happening during this stressful time.

Believe it or not, it's actually not still March so here are some of the best quarantine moments from May so far. Enjoy and stay safe, everyone!

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