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A collection of Facebook status updates posted at wildly inappropriate moments.

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That's a famous person. Right there. Being rewarded. For this.

Sometimes "TMI" can stand for "Too Much Immediacy." It's not that we don't want to be informed that a friend is masturbating / on the toilet / performing brain surgery / all of the above. We just worry that by trying to share it with us while in the moment, they're not savoring the moment as much as it can be savored. These Facebook users exemplify the growing spirit of real-time overshare, refusing to wait even five seconds before updating their status with the most private, unnecessary, and occasionally disgusting details of the life they're living right now. 


Don't talk smack about a friend's ex until the restraining orders are finalized.

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A.) You still have time, get off Facebook. B.) She can see this, you illiterate dummy.

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I hope those five likes were worth it for this gross story full of *POP*!

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Frankly, any post during a high school party is at an inappropriate moment.

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Mission: Literally Impossible

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Don't commit crimes. If you do, don't post them on Facebook. It's not hard.

Updated 7/23/14:


I'm glad you enjoy working out, I hear prison is good for that. 


Perfect mom font as well. So much craftier.


Not too hot for Facebook, though. Never too hot to drive and Facebook.


I think David's mom Whitney might have some helpful advice.


Much like hemorrhoids, there is nothing to ease the pain of this post.


Please, let me be the idiot in this situation and let this be fake.


The stereotype that writers always wait until the last possible second is true.


Updated 6/25/14:


Well, he got the hashtags right, but I don't think a snap PSA will get you off in court. 


This guy is both ignorant about sex and under-excited to be the next Joseph & Mary.


I know it's really hard to get an anal bleaching appointment after work, but don't brag.


C'mon, Lisa. Let us share the joy of laughing at Sean.


Come down to Rickki's Brothel, we've got the best Local Business in town.


I don't know what's worse, going 90mph to pick up a kid, or the word choice here.

Updated 4/11/14:


Ironically, the person who realizes it shouldn't be on Facebook is also the most illiterate.


lmaoo: "Laughing my ass off ohmigodIdidn'tseethatturn!"


He/she totally did that.


That's a very specific amount of screaming to promise.


I don't approve of sharing people's sex tapes, but: I now know who Helene Fischer is.

Updated 4/11/14:


"I don't get it, the shot clock still has 10 seconds...so, why do I hear a horn?" 


Drunk driving because no one answered your call is a new passive-aggressive record.
 


Hard to say who is dumber, the guy who posted for "sinthetic" or the person who thought
it would be possible to reason with him.

 


What are you doing making a simple update? That's a Facebook Milestone right there.
 


Is it just me, or did no one call 911 before posting to Facebook?
 


I hope this isn't the prequel to the bagged lunch one two photos up.

Updated 3/13/14:


Probably made someone's heart rate go up, that's for sure. (via Failbook)
 


You're right about the second half of that. (via reddit)
 


I hope that other guy didn't Google that while driving.(via)
 


I'd say by not embarrassing him in front of everyone, but hey, what do I know? (via Lamebook)
 


I'm going to say "a.) Henry Clay and b.) all of them." (via)
 


Whoah, what do you think this is, LinkedIn?(via)

 
This kid is ready to work in cable news.
(via)

Also, just a reminder that it usually sounds pretty stupid to describe your small problems as a disaster:

Your Facebook complaints are all that stands between civilization and buying Fascism.

Updated 2/6/14:


This may be the most literal update-at-an-inappropriate-moment we've ever had. (via reddit)
 


I don't think it's inte-meant to be with you two, buddy. (via Lamebook)
 


That big, blurred-out thing? That's a cadaver of someone who donated their body to science.
(via WHNT)
 


So, he's like one shade smarter than the guys from Dumb & Dumber. (via Lamebook)
 


Wow, he sounds like the kind of asshole who would take a selfie at a funeral. (via reddit)
 



Mike, you're not so good at this 21st Century thing. (via reddit)

Updated 1/13/14:


"I got this." - Completely accurate, totally not reassuring. (via reddit)
 


Certain people need to learn about this encryption technology called talking in person.(via)
 


It's a good thing admissions officers don't have Facebook. (via)
 


If this gets 50k likes, we'll get out of the car. (via)
 


We'll stay tuned for more updates. (via)
 


I guess you could say nothing and leave us ignorant of this behavior. (via)
 


Everything about this is a lie! I bet he's not even on break. (via Failbook)
 


She's so flustered she can't even spell masturbate. (via Lamebook)

Updated 12/04/13:


The prosecution would like to enter into evidence the following Facebook post...
 


Now everyone will know you are a real class act.
 


What did Man do before fleshlights and hot pockets?
 


Yeah, it'll definitely be less awkward right afterwards.
 


It's cool, they probably had to fart.

 

 

Updated 11/06/13:


This looks like a video game...that someone is about to lose.
 


Fun Fact: This was the first question ever asked, circa 90,000 BC
 


Live fast, live-update your death young.
 


You are on a phone on Facebook. I guess in your case, the issue is having no friends.
 


His grandson made him so awkward, he cringed too hard and it turned into rigor mortis.
 


I can't talk about it. The police think it might be the same person who poisoned grandpa.

 


This is the most literal instance of "update at an inappropriate moment" we've ever seen.

 


Invent a time machine, study home ec and sex ed, and never have a kid or buy bleach.
 


WOW! Wow, some old lady. Just wow. WOW. WOWOWOWOW.

Updated 10/1/13:


Something tells me this person tried to use that spoon to fix the toaster.
 


Movie...about illegal and dangerous driving...while driving...brain...*EXPLOSION*
 


Good, now you'll have time to Google "emergency" to see that you were in one.

 


I think she's not pregnant because she murdered her boyfriend in the shower.
 


It will be for you if I can figure out how to show this to your boss.
 


I assume the feeling you mean is "attention from concerned friends."

 


Sucks that having the sun in your eyes is the best time for selfies & the worst for driving.

Updated 9/04/13:


I don't always post to social media while driving, but when I do, the speed is 3 digits.
 


Life goes on, especially when there's colored icing.
 


Those emoticons are the same faces one of the Heathers made after drinking Drano.
 


Brainz fallin outa mah hed lol.
 


9-1-1 only takes typing three digits. This is like 4 tweets.
 


Better safe than sorry, she could be a ghost who can't rest until she gets 10k likes. 

Updated 8/01/13:


Nor shall you, my friend. Nor shall you.
 


Your baby. Your baby is trying to drink with you.
 


Way to go, CasanofuckingwaywouldIeverletmydaughterdateyou.
 


The NSA does.
 


I tagged the sheriff, but I did not friend the deputy.
 


That fucktard is in your mirror, fucktard.
 


And to end a long career of being able to legally drive.

Updated 7/01/13:


Much like she has Faith in posting things on Facebook and saying "don't tell my husband."
 


If she dies, at least the guy who wrote "ut oh" will know they told her everything they needed.
 


No one from this high school passed sex ed. No one.
 


You should hear how funny he thought it was when his F'ing A fell O because he was L'ing.

 


OK cool, just letting everyone know. Back to playing "Plants vs Zombies."
 


Platinum beer comes with driving priviledges. It's the highest level of beer membership.

 

Updated 5/30/13:


"I can do much better tho" is probably true for everything this guy does.
 


Actually, there is definitely a bio test going on, but for anthrax.
 


Must...keep...looking...at...phone...for...safety...
 


See me after class, but remember that I can always see you on here 24/7.

 


Good God, people! What happened to blasting a music station you hate?

Updated 4/30/13


How did she text with wet nails (while driving)? She's a pro!
 


This is called Texting While Being In An Action Movie.

 


7 likes. 1 hehehe. People hate you, buddy.

 


Hopefully his work is as a tow truck driver so he can tow whomever he hits soon.

 


Are you crazy putting this on Facebook? Post this kind of stuff on LinkedIn.

 


Too much inappropriate to keep track of. But great blouse, mourner in the middle!

 

Updated 4/5/13:


Could you maybe just post a little more to explain what the hell you were doing?

 


Thumbs down, young lady. Thumbs down.

 


Not everyone has to make a big deal about their last words.

 


You're taking a photo of it all while driving? You'll interupt your Words With Friends game!

 


Facebook Marketplace doesn't sell any pails of soapy water. You're on your own.

 


Hope they post pics of the entire arrest and incarceration, including the pepper spraying. 
 

Updated 3/5/13:


A.) That emoticon is offensively accurate. B.) The lady helping is in a wetsuit.

 


"Like this" as in seeing her kid go on Facebook during a funeral?
 


2 minutes later: lighting a pen full of petroleum-based ink on fire proved to be scarring!
 


Introducing the new LifeAlert: it calls 911, tweets and Facebooks any time you might die.
 


To be fair, the man seems equally uninterested in helping his aged wife get out of the car.
 


Didn't even properly tag them. That's disrespectful. Just a vague attention-grab.
 


The fact that they're too tired to take a decent photo is not reassuring, either.

Updated 1/29/13:


They see me rollin, they concerned / trying to catch me riding hands-free.
 


That's fair. But you are also checking Facebook at a funeral, so...
 


Ain't no status like a cowering-in-my-bathtub-avoiding-stray-bullets status. 
 


Do you know how low your shirt was going? I mean how fast I was distracted? Carry on.
 


Great drunk-typing. It's amazing he can type and drunk-drive with only one major error.
 


Their son was diagnosed with ADHD and an anxiety disorder sixteen hours later.

Updated 11/30/12:


Put the phone down. You need both hands for that.
 


The photo gallery of her frantically downing some coffee was a nice touch though.
 


At least the truck will suffer minor damage getting rear-ended right after you hit send.
 


You can't put romance behind bars.
 


#scumbag

 

 


Completely idiotic physician, heal thyself!

 

Updated 10/5/12:


And here we are masturbating to it.

 


He just wanted it to be clear for the autopsy report.

 

 


Um, aren't you doing the same thing Mrs. Cooper?

 

 


To be fair, that red light fairy can be kind of a dick.

 

 


Then ask one of the nurses to take a photo! This is an emergency!

 

Updated 9/10/12:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Updated 1/13/12:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Updated 12/9/11:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted 9/28/11:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


100+ half-naked people agreed to be shocked with a taser for an art project.

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Mistakes have been made. (Via fstoppers

Electricity is an essential part of how the body functions. Your neurons send electrical signals to different parts of your body, and that is how you complete tasks. Even stupid tasks, like signing waivers for an art project where you agree to be photographed while getting tased with electricity. 

Below is artist Patrick Hall's project where he somehow convinced over one hundred people to be tased for the camera. This is how he explains his motives behind this seemingly sadistic project: 

"I am always trying to make people feel comfortable in front of my camera so I can capture a real emotion from them. But what if I was able to make people feel so uncomfortable in front of the camera that I could guarantee an interesting portrait every time? "

Here are some of the resulting portraits taken at the moment each person was tased. 


(Via fstoppers


(Via fstoppers)


(Via fstoppers)


(Via fstoppers)

One of the interesting things Hall notes is that he could never predict how some people would react. Some jumped and screamed, some cursed, some appeared to enjoy the sensation. He said he even had "four guys and girls who did not react at all and seemed to be completely unphased by the 300,000 volts of electricity."

No reaction? Something tells me those people keep a taser in their nightstand next to a bottle of lube and a blindfold. 

Below is the video taken of people anxiously awaiting the pain they've signed up for and the slow-motion results. 

Even stranger than agreeing to be tased is that each person in the project was tased by either their friend or significant other. Naturally, the ones holding the taser had very different reactions to the experiment, and Hall noted that most of the people only showed remorse after the shock has been delivered. Here's a video of how the other half faired.

By the looks of the video, the remorse must have come much later than when the cameras were on them. These people look thrilled.


Distinctly satisfied customer. 

For a complete look at the series, head over to The Taser Photoshoot.

(by Myka Fox

College football star sidelined indefinitely after jumping from balcony to save drowning nephew.

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Josh Shaw, seen here saving a football from the other team.

On the morning of Saturday, August 23, USC cornerback Josh Shaw was elected team captain for the Division 1 Trojans. That afternoon, he was at a family party when he suddenly noticed his 7-year old cousin (who does not know how to swim) flailing in a nearby pool. Without hesitating, Shaw jumped from a second-story balcony down onto the concrete below, resulting in high-ankle sprains in both legs. He then crawled into the pool and got his nephew to safety before pulling himself out by his arms.

Not only that, but apparently he'd have done it for any old drowning kid. Said Shaw, "I would do it again for whatever kid it was, it did not have to be my nephew. My ankles really hurt, but I am lucky to be surrounded by the best trainers and doctors in the world. I am taking my rehab one day at a time, and I hope to be back on the field as soon as possible." Dude, you were already elected captain, you don't have to get nominated for sainthood.

From what I've been told by angry commenters on the Internet, high-ankle sprains are awful, and can keep you sidelined longer than a fracture will. With a normal ankle sprain, your foot twists inwards, pulling on the ligaments on the outside of your leg. A high-ankle sprain occurs when your foot twists outwards, so that your right sole is facing your right palm. Even if you just move your foot around, you can see that it does not go as far out as it does in. This seems painful.

Injury times can vary widely, so there's still a chance that Shaw, who has had six interceptions in the two seasons since he transferred to USC and started all 14 games in 2013, will make a quick recovery. His father James told the Los Angeles Times, for one, that he "wouldn't be surprised" if his son "gives it a shot" when the Trojans play their season opener against Fresno State on Saturday.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Real love.

Two families got two-timed by a cat.

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The flim-flammer jumped in the flivver and faded.

Ming was a cool cat. He had nine lives to live, but he lived them two at a time. Turned out to be no Sunday School picnic though, as it was discovered that he had been splitting his time as "the family cat" between two New Zealand families. 

Ming (AKA Cleo) went back and forth between homes for ten years and never mentioned the one family to the other. Sure, there were signs. His collar with his name and number had been removed. He was often late for dinner, or would show up having already been fed. He was shadier than the spot under his favorite tree during a cloudy night. But neither family realized that there was another family out there loving him. Love can be blinding.

Now the two families are in a dispute over who the cat belongs to, and the ASPCA refuses to settle the case. Here are the facts:  

Family 1: the Alexander Family


Ming "at home" with one of the Alexanders. (Via Stuff)

The Alexanders were the first family to have actually picked out and bought the Siamese Lothario in 2000 and named him Ming. No, not after the Ming dynasty, but because he was a very sociable cat who loved to mingle. Little did they know how far Ming would take the mingling. 

The Alexander family understood Ming's nature and would let him stray, knowing that he would always return. There was an understanding there. Once, Ming fell asleep on a garbage truck and ended up in the 'burbs, but he was discovered and returned. According to the matriarch of the family, Alice Alexander, "Everyone knew Ming, and I would often get calls saying he was in someone's house." 

Everyone knew, eh? Then why were Ming's disappearances becoming more frequent? And then why, in 2010, did Ming disappear for four years? That time for the Alexanders crawled by like a sick cockroach. Something didn't add up.

Family 2: The Smith Family


A Smith with Cleo, their "beloved pet." (Via Stuff)

The Smith family lived "next door and down the hill" from the Alexanders. They found the cat in 2005 as he was mingling with them so, naturally, they named him Cleo. 

Cleo? That's a dame's name. It was clear the Smiths didn't know Ming, but why? Did they remove Ming's collar or did he remove it himself? How much did this family actually know?

In 2010, the Smith family flew the coop and blew off to another town. As the family pet, they took Cleo with them.

The Return to Double Life 

In 2014, the Smith family moved back to the home next to the Alexanders, and Ming reappeared on the roof of the Alexander's glasshouse and began meowing. Alice couldn't believe it. 

"I picked it up and realized it was Ming. I was running scenarios through my head, wondering where he had been," she told Stuff. 

But Ming didn't sing. This cat was tough. As tough as a nickel steak.

Determined not to lose him again, she got Ming microchipped. Even though Ming was a purebred, they couldn't take the stray out of the cat. He kept leaving to lead his double life with the Smith family, at one point returning to the Alexander family with a shaved paw, indicating that someone had been covering Ming's vet visits. 

Ming had been busted by the evidence, but nothing could make him squeal.

"I knew then that someone had him so I put up more missing cat posters and one week later, a lady got in touch to let me know Ming was living with them."

The case had been cracked wide open.

Now that Ming/Cleo's secret life is out in the open, realities have been shattered and no one knows where to go. Of course, it seems reasonable to let the 15-year-old animal choose for himself, allowing him to go back and forth between the homes as he sees fit. But what if the Smiths decide to move again and take Cleo with them? 

Only one thing is clear, Ming/Cleo is too much cat for one family, but not enough for two.

Never fall in love with a cat. 

(by Myka Fox)

Gentle reminder.

In this town, the last few days of public pools' seasons are reserved for dogs.

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Can we talk about how this is nicer than any pool I've been to as a human?

The town of Nampa, Idaho, loves their dogs, and they have a big dog park to prove it. They want to eventually install a swimming pond (I believe the correct term is swimmin' hole) for the pooches, and to do that they used the last open days of the town's public pool, which is pretty awesome-looking, to host a giant pool party for dogs. There was a small fee for admission which will go to support and improve the dog park. But any price would be worth it for this kind of fun:

How could it possibly get any better, you ask? Well, did you know that we've actually got more dog pool party videos for you? Yeah, that's right, you are welcome.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Finders, keepers.


16 Things Every Dog Owner Has Said At Some Point

This 2-year-old's Ice Bucket Challenge video is adorably NSFW.

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Ice bucket hooligan.

Gotta say, I did not see that coming. I guess you never know how people are going to react to getting ice-cold water dumped on their head until it happens. And until kittens are able to throw around the "F word," a 2-year-old girl with a Northern British accent is about as cute as swearing gets. That said, the parents may want to nip that in the bud before she starts school, unless they're huge fans of teacher meetings.

The comments on YouTube have been disabled, and the description reads "Here for comedic value not for parental awareness. Get over it." Which means they've heard just about enough of your fookin' shite about dodgy parenting, so stick your bleedin' lecture up your arse and Bob's yer uncle.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - August 26, 2014

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1. 'Breaking Bad' Allows Several Other Shows To Win A Few Emmys

Several shows that were not AMC's Breaking Bad—including Game of Thones, Sherlock and True Detectivewere able to collect a small number of awards at this years Emmys ceremony. Bryan Cranston, who received his 217th through 223rd awards, delivered the acceptance speech of the night:


2. Thousands Of Burning Man Attendees Receive Shower Against Their Wishes

An area of the Black Rock Desert in Nevada where where this year's Burning Man Festival will be taking place received an unusual amount of rain this week, causing officials to temporarily close the event and forcing thousands of attendees to make camp in the parking lot of a local Walmart. "We're going to make good of a bad situation—I hear Pyramid Lake is beautiful, and apparently there is going to be a big party there and potentially a massive orgy," one cheerful attendee explained.


3. Fiscally Responsible House Republicans Somehow Managed To Find $350K Of Taxpayers' Money To Sue Obama

Republicans in the House of Representatives—who so often find it impossible to find the funds for disaster relief—have managed to scrape together the $350,000 in tax dollars needed to pay an attorney $500 an hour to sue President Barack Obama for overstepping his bounds of power and using his presidency for partisan gain.


4. Why Does NASA Not Want Us To Believe That It Has Not Found A Dead Martian's Thigh Bone?

Officials at NASA are denying that an object photographed by the Mars Rover is, in fact, the thigh bone of some sort of possibly intelligent, potentially malicious Martian creature. What appears to be definitive proof of a race of alien beings that may one day invade our planet and enslave the human race is actually just a rock, they would have us believe. The truth is out there, people!


5. Nature Really Pumped To Kill As Many People As Possible This Labor Day Weekend

While a massive hurricane moves north from the coast of Mexico up to Southern California, bringing with it potential 25-foot destructive waves, the waters off the coast of Florida are growing infested with hundreds of thousands of venomous jellyfish. Nature, just like the rest of us, is clearly trying to squeeze in a little more summertime fun before the end of the season.


(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Justin Bieber charged with attempted robbery & battery after lunging at a fan in an arcade.

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Careful, girls. That look in his eye means he's either about to strike or piss in a mop bucket.
(Via Getty Images)

Here's a story about Justin Bieber and, no, he will not go away if we stop writing about him. You clicked and now we are in this together. 

According to TMZ, the foremost authority on all things celeb-shitty, Justin "Piss Bucket" Bieber is under investigation for attempted robbery. He took his re-girlfriend Selena Gomez (are they back together?) to a Dave and Buster's in Hollywood and, as if that wasn't torture enough, a fan decided to take pictures and video of them. 

Here's a Vine Bieber put up from D&Bs to put him at the scene of the crime:

Bieber should have thought to himself, "I deserve to be photographed. I went to a place filled with tourists and booze-flavored food. I'm the most entertaining thing here. " 

Instead, Biebs lunged after the fan's cell phone to presumably to remove the photos and videos. His security guard held him back so Bieber never actually touched the fan, but still, the cops were called. Beiber and Gomez fled the scene before police arrived. 

TMZ's anonymous law enforcement sources say that the fan is now looking to press charges, and not just because they sat in traffic to play a race car game and;spend a week's pay on moonshine chicken fingers (or whatever). Nope, Dave and Busters is in the legal clear while Justin is under investigation for "attempted battery, attempted theft (stealing the pics) and attempted robbery (grabbing the camera in an attempt to permanently deprive the fan of the pics and video)."

Apparently, if you are in public, you belong to the public. 

This could be really bad for Bieber, as he already plead guilty to the egging situation and promised to stay out of trouble for two years. It's only been a month and a half. 

(by Myka Fox)

A dad secretly filmed his daughter during a selfie session. Be glad you don't have a teenager.

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DAD YOU JUST DON'T GET IT! THIS FACE IS COOL NOW!!!

Teen selfies: you've seen them, and you think you know how they're made—but that's just the family-friendly version the media wants you to believe. The true process of teen selfie manufacturing is like watching an exposé on how veal is made, or the working conditions of NFL cheerleaders. When it comes to exposing dark, insidious secrets that would never otherwise be seen by mainstream media, fathers of teen girls (like Rod Beckham, the brave man who filmed this) are up there with undercover journalists and NSA whistleblowers. Here is the full, uncensored footage (WARNING: Extreme levels of teen insecurity and vertical video. Pregnant women and those who can't even should not watch):

I'm never looking at another picture of a person again, just on the off chance that there's a teenage face in it. Gross.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Canadian who got robbed posts unbelievably nice sign and gift for the the thieves.

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Welcome to Canada. (Via Imgur)

Whoever started the "Canadians are nice" theory is at least half right. Some Canadians are nice, offering up the rest of their now-useless GPS cords and instructions after the main piece was stolen. The other half is out there stealing your GPS.

Canadian redditor ShittyHaircut posted the above picture with the title, "Welcome to Canada."

While I'm pretty sure this is not Canada's official welcome sign, it might as well be. 

Welcome to Canada. You probably got here by accident, so here's all the necessary GPS accoutrements so you don't make that mistake again.

Either this sign was a light-hearted Canadian attempt to make a joke about a shitty situation, or it is the least devious trap ever constructed. Just leave some extra equipment out to bait the thieves, and hope they don't notice the man in an orange shirt up on the deck who will attack when they arrive.

Either way, whoever robbed dwelling #23 certainly will think twice about stealing from them again, lest they face the derision of another snark-filled sign.

(by Myka Fox)

Sign threatens public urinators with YouTube shame/fame.

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"My urinary tract is gonna be Internet famous!"

I'm not entirely certain whether the above sign—found somewhere in the Czech Republic—is warning public urinators that they will be filmed and shamed for all the world to see on YouTube for breaking the rules, or promising to turn them into Internet celebrities for their tenacious anti-authoritarian stances. 

Eastern Europe and the Internet are both very strange places.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)


This man is really excited for his ball sac to be 100 lbs lighter.

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Hanging to the right.

Michigan man Dan Maurer was in his late twenties when he noticed his scrotum was larger than normal. When he went to the the doctor, he was told to lose weight. 

Now, at 39, Maurer's ball sac weighs 100 lbs. He says "People try to be polite, but you can see when something's not right."

After seeing multiple doctors who failed to properly diagnose him and told him to continue his weight-loss efforts, he saw the TLC special about Wesley Warren, the "Man with the 132 Pound Scrotum." 

For many people, this was shock-value voyeurism. To Maurer, this was hope. Maurer was given a name for his condition, scrotal lymphedema, and the name of the specialist who could treat him.

Now, after a church-led fundraising effort that brought him $27,000, along with some health insurance, he will be able to travel to California to have his groin mass removed. 

He says it is an awkward story to share with the world, but is doing so anyways because, as he told the NY Daily News, "I feel that I have been blessed enough to have it removed, but I want to make sure this doesn't happen to anyone else, (and) that's why I want to put myself in the light."

Another benefit? Finally being able to have sex with his wife Millie, who has been "unattended to" for more than seven years. 

(by Myka Fox)

This dramatic cat seeing itself in the mirror is an instant horror classic.

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"It's hideous!"

I'm thrilled to announce that Happy Place is getting into the movie-streaming game. Our first feature is from one of the masters of under-30-second feline horror films, ignoramusky, the man behind the 19-second classic, 2012's The Cat is Planning Something Evil (at bottom).

His second feature, Oh! It's Just Me! is more of a psychological thriller, clocking in at 23 seconds. The film stars Dramatic Cat as a household pet who sees another cat who he (she?) believes is an evil dick from a parallel universe made of glass. Dramatic Cat may get top billing, but the film belongs to Adorable Baby, making her (his?) debut with an understated performance you won't soon forget.

And now, please enjoy Happy Place's first streaming feature, Oh! It's Just Me!

Bonus feature! ignoramusky's debut film about a cat that is planning something evil, The Cat is Planning Something Evil.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Matt Damon substituted icy toilet water for his Ice Bucket Challenge to raise awareness for 800 million without drinking water.

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Lessons learned: 1) people need water. 2) Matt Damon has the same toilet as my mom.

Matt Damon took a lot longer to get around to doing the Ice Bucket Challenge than most people, not because he's lazy, but because he's so much better than all of you. He was "conflicted" about doing it—not due to, as Steve-O pointed out, most celebrities using it for self-promotion and forgetting to even share links for how to donate to ALS research—but because he didn't want to waste California's drought-stricken water supply and because he's got his own water-charity thing going on and it, frankly, might be more important than ALS. Damon co-founded Water.org, a charity devoted to bringing clean drinking water to the 800 million people worldwide without it—a major contributor to epidemics and diseases of all kinds.

In fact, as Damon points out, the toilet water he's using is much cleaner than the water most of those 800 million people can access. Which is something I'll just take his word for, because this is one challenge where I'd rather just donate to clean water charities instead of participating.

(by Johnny McNulty)

10 random thoughts from the Emmy Awards.

On a pedestal.

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