Going to the doctor is a privilege, and sometimes a health necessity. But it can also be really, really awkward, uncomfortable, and embarrassing. Often a combination of the three. If you've ever wandered around a public building carrying a cup full of your own urine, you know what I'm talking about.
In a popular Reddit thread, people are sharing their most embarrassing stories from the doctor's office. Here are 19 that are more painful than the co-pay:
1.) From BigCatTherapist:
So yesterday I went to the doctor for some intestinal bleeding. My doctor is fairly new to the office and I've only meet her once before this. I'm only 21 so I've never had a reason for a doctor to go knuckle deep in my rectum before, but the doctor insisted it needed to be done for some tests. So I bend over the table, she lubes up and digs for treasure. I hadn't pooped in a day or so because it hurts when I do so I was a bit stopped up. Upon starting to pull out I immediately realize what's about to happen and try everything in my power to stop it. Too late! Doctor pulls her finger out and plop, out lands a turd, right on the floor. I was able to hold back the rest but the damage was done.
Tl;dr Pooped on the floor of my doctor's office.
2.) From [deleted]:
Mine's not so much embarassing as it is awesome. I had the mumps during my first year of college, and along with that I got Orchitis (swelling of the testicles caused by the mumps) in my left nut, which swelled up to the size of a potato. It was really painful and heavy so I had to carry it everywhere for a while. So I went to the doctors, he checked my mumps and then I told him there was another problem. I dropped trou, lay on the doctor bed thing and he came over to examine. He laughed when he seen it, cause it was freakin huge, and said "What seems to be the problem", jokingly. It was at that moment that I pointed to my regular size bollock and said "this one shrank".....
Cue five minute laughter fit from the Doc.
3.) From TeeOhEssEss:
I had to go to a specialist urologist due to pain in my ding dong. My wife, who is awesome, accompanied me for support. The doc was at a teaching hospital so he asked if a couple of med students could observe the exam. I say OK (my dignity was already at a new low anyway, so why not?) I drop trow and the doc starts yankin' and pullin' on mini me. He takes some notes and then directs the two med students to cop a feel right where he did. I happen to look over at my wife who is trying to stifle a smile while watching 3 dudes essentially whack me off.
TL;DR My insurance paid for the most awkward handjob in the history of time. While my wife watched.
4.) From PalmerKid:
When I turned 30, I suddenly became a hypochondriac. I thought that EVERYTHING was cancer, or worse.
So I'm seeing my doctor (who was a racquetball buddy) for an annual physical, and I mentioned that I was having some pains in the left side of my chest. I asked him,"I know this is rare, but could it be breast cancer?" (I'm male btw). He felt around seriously then -- with an absolutely straight face -- asked me, "Does the pain hurt worse when you have your period?"
That was pretty much the end of my year of hypochondria.
5.) From WingsOfSteel:
This actually occurred shortly after I was born, and we refer to it as "The Green Pea incident". My brother (2 years old) was moving to solid foods, and absolutely loved peas. Mushed, boiled, fried, or in things, he loved them. One day, my mom noticed that my brother wasn't going to the washroom. No big deal, she thought. It's only been a day. Two days later, nothings coming out. He kept eating and eating, like the happy little fat toddler he was, eating all amounts of peas. My parents scheduled a day off work and took him to the doctor together. The doctor, of course, says that he must be constipated. It happens to the best of us. At this point, it's been four days since the little shit has taken one. The doctor gives him a large dose of prescription-strength exlax, and suggests that they should probably keep an eye on him for the next while. As he's talking to my parents about what they should do, my brother starts to shit.
Bright, neon green shit.
He had eaten so many peas that the fiber had actually clogged him up, and now it was returning in force. The semi-liquidated shit started flying out, faster and faster like you see in those comedy movies. Eventually, it settled down to a light stream, but not before his shit-mist had covered the entire wall next to the examination table. Neon green shit mist. All over the doctor's tools, his blood pressure stuff and his posters. It ruined the cushion on the table, and stank to high hell. My parents never went back to that doctor again.
TL; DR: Neon green shit mist.
6.) From lundah:
A friend of mine mistakenly called her gynecologist instead of her dentist to make an appointment, and started the call by admitting she was overdue for a cleaning...
7.) From Radico87:
Recent story:
When I was brought up from being under anesthesia after getting my wisdom teeth out, and before my transportation back home arrived, I recovered enough to unplug my IV and various sensor doodads and wandered into the waiting area asking for a blowjob. The nurse promptly gathered me back into my room and I recall complaining that someone might have said yes and I deserve the right to know.
8.) From Relephant_Username:
My Dad was getting his prostate checked out by this pretty good looking female urologist. She had to insert a catheter since my dad was having trouble peeing. Anyway, she removes the catheter once they're done and my dad starts pissing all over the doctor's leg. She took it like a champ and told him, "If I don't get pee'd on at least once a day, my husband will suspect I'm ditching work to have an affair" (or something like that).
9.) From LuckieMotor:
When I was newly pregnant with my daughter, I was at my OB's office for a pelvic exam. After I stirrup up, my doc is knuckle-deep in my vag and says, "Oh, you'll be fine if you have a big baby; there's PLENTY of room in here." I'm sure she meant that I have a wide pelvic arch and would have no trouble with a vaginal delivery, but what I heard was, "Wow! I see dozens of these every day, but you have a HUGE, gaping vagina."
10.) From Andrewdles:
One day I was visiting a new doctor and he asked me to remove my pants. I obliged knowing that he'd probably check me for a hernia and make sure I didn't have a third ball or something.
I had forgotten that the night before I had shaved off exactly one half of my pubic hair. As my brain started to panic and he begins fiddling around, the doctor looks up at me and says, "It's easy to start, but it's hard to finish, isn't it?"
11.) From pluckythewhale:
While cauterizing the hole during my vasectomy, my skin smoked more than it should have, set off the fire alarm, and I ended up with numerous people of numerous career choices in the room with my exposed nutsack.
12.) From amayernican:
On new years eve 2001 I woke up with an unbearable pain in the my left side of my abdomen. I couldn't move for over an hour. I was at home from my sophomore year of college but none of my family was home. After about three hours of crying and doubled over in pain in bed I crawled across the house and called my mom at work. She took me to the ER where they did various pressure tests and listening and decided it wasn't my appendix so they did some x-rays. The only other person in the ER was an old lady that had a cut on her head and she was trying to comfort me while my face was red and I was holding back tears. The doctor came in and looked at the lady and looked at me and whispered, "I don't know how to tell you this...but your colon is full of shit (actual term)." I screamed, "that's it! Get it out of me!" and he told me he could give me an enema, a suppository or a salty drink. I took the drink and shat for eight hours straight. I was good enough to go to a party that night but still had the shits and didn't get drunk. Felt so much better.
TL:DR Thought my appendix was rupturing ER doctor told me I was full of shit.
13.) From mustardontoast:
Was getting a physical a few years ago so I could play HS football. Usually the doctor feels around your abdomen and that's that. This time the doctor made me strip and made me cough. I hadn't fapped in a few days with the combination of a strangers hand on my beans gave me a semi which I tried to cover which led me to accidently fart on him as I turned around. Doc looked at me and said, "you can play" and left.
14.) From va_bene:
I recently had a sore throat, and when trying to get a good look at it in the mirror, I noticed these large, pink spots, all over the very back of my tongue. I spent a week fretting over it, wondering what they were and why they weren't going away, until my mom got worried enough about them that she went with me to my doctor. Upon examining my throat and tongue, he pronounced that what I was seeing were...my taste buds. I have never seen my doctor, who is an incredibly stoic man, smile so wide before. My family is never going to let me live it down.
15.) From FearlessEyes:
Went to the doctor when I was about 8 months pregnant. At that point in my pregnancy I was VERY gassy and if I tried to hold it in it would get painful after a while. While I was sitting in the doctors office I felt like I had to fart. I held it in for a while thinking that if I did fart the doctor would be in at any moment. 15 minutes passed and nothing. So I decided to let it go. The tiniest little fart ever, but, it stunk like something crawled up my ass and died. Thirty seconds later the doctor walked in and asked me what that smell was.
16.) From atlgeek007:
I'm going to tell a friend's story, since I don't have any embarrassing stories of my own. cough
About ten years ago, I had a very... promiscuous..friend. He would sleep with anything "warm, wet and willing" and half the time didn't use any protection.
One day he started having a burning sensation when he peed, more than your average UTI. He'd had sex with a new random a few days ago, so he went to the doctor's office to have some tests run. Two days later the doc's office calls him, and says that he needs to come in immediately.
He rushes to the doc's office, gets sent to an exam room, and the doc comes in with a clipboard and a very concerned look on his face.
"Well... about that burning sensation..." My friend is nervous and says "Yeah?"
Doc : "You work in a restaurant?"
Friend : "Yep"
Doc : "You drink a lot of soda?"
Friend : "yep"
Doc : "Something citrusy? Like sprite or sunkist?"
Friend : "Yep"
Doc : "That burning sensation when you pee is excess carbonic acid in your system being eliminated. Cut out the soda and stick to water and you'll be fine in a couple of days"
Friend : "Why'd you have to call me down here to tell me that, doc?"
Doc : "So you'd stop having unprotected sex."
17.) From Macnair:
During a genital hernia check when i was 12, I ejaculated on my doctor's shoulder when my junk was being touched.
18.) From mirrordog:
So I'm at the OBGYN. I'm 19 and this is the first time I've ever gone to a doctor by myself. They put me in the first room next to the bathroom and we do the check up stuff and my doctor asks for a urine sample. She says "Go next door to the bathroom and then write your name on the sample and put it in the little window." I'm extremely nervous because I usually cannot pee on command. Somehow I managed to pee a little into the stupid cup. I write my name on it and then I realize I have no f*cking idea what to do with this cup. I look around the small bathroom and all I see is a silver cabinet and a sink. I walk out the bathroom with this pee cup and bump into this young pregnant woman. I look into her eyes and say "I peed in this cup." She looks confused. "Do you know what I'm supposed to do with this pee cup?" She stares at me a bit more then her boyfriend walks up and says "Uh.. Theres a place for you to put it in the bathroom." I turn bright red and say "OH!" and run back to the bathroom and open the silver cabinet and place it next to all the other f*cking pee cups.
I walk out the bathroom, avoid eye contact with the pregnant couple and walk back to my room. I open the door and theres this pantsless black woman. I say "Oh um... sorry I'm looking for my stuff...I thought this was my room... um..." to which she replies "What the f*ck?!" So I shut the door and the nurse is standing at the end of the hall way looking at me. "This is your room. Sorry about that, we moved you and I didn't catch you in time." The pregnant couple and the nurse laughed at me while I did my walk of shame out of there :(
19.) From octobereighth:
I was 12 or so, and my doctor knew I didn't like needles (still don't, but oh well!) so he put a shot that I had to get in his pocket with his pens, so I didn't notice. In the middle of a sentence he pulls it out and comes at me, and I punched him directly in the face and broke his glasses.
It wasn't intentional, per say. Dude was coming at me with a sharp object. It was instinct. He ended up grabbing me by the shoulders, pinning me down, and doing the injection.
For years afterwards I couldn't face him.
TL;DR punched my doctor in the face.
Owch.