Reflect on this.
↧
↧
Well-deserved.
↧
Some Portland cops finished a pizza guy's delivery after he got in an accident.
Two police officers who know how to keep society afloat.
I'm no professor of criminology or anything, but I understand society enough to understand that we are all a single step from descending into maniac violence at any moment, and the only thing that keeps us from teetering over the precipice of civilized behavior and into utter chaos is pizza. (Okay, that's an exaggeration. Cheeseburgers, hot wings and various kinds of Chinese food also have their part to play.) So, these two Portland police officers who chose to take up the mantle of pizza delivery after the guy from Pizza Hut got into a car accident are nothing short of heroes.
Now, I'm not saying that if this pizza hadn't been delivered, the people who ordered—stressed out from a difficult day at work, as they probably were—would have gone mad with hunger and frustrated desire, and taken to the streets with chainsaws duct-taped onto baseball bats, thus inciting a riot that would lead to the fiery destruction of Oregon's finest city. That would be silly.
I'm saying that you never know which undelivered pizza is gonna be the one that starts an uprising that slowly creeps across the nation until the Capitol Building and White House are being torn apart brick-by-brick by a ravenous mob. That's all.
So, tonight, when you're drifting off to sleep in the warm comfort of your duvet-covered bed instead of being driven into the forest beneath a flame-streaked sky by a gang of roving cannibals, thank these two cops.
(by Dennis DiClaudio)
↧
Cuddlr is the app for anyone who just needs a cuddle. Yes, a totally platonic cuddle. No, really!
Aww. It's the cuddliest end to normal human interaction ever! (via)
Do you need a hug? Sure you do. But are you so desperate for a hug that you'd voluntarily cuddle a stranger you met online? If so, Cuddlr may be the disturbing new app for you! You simply input your cuddling preferences (Big spoon or little spoon? Cold feet welcome, or socks required?) and location to find other people looking for a cuddle nearby. You meet, cuddle, and get on with your lives.
My gut reaction is suspicion, but the video below suggests you can and will find other, non-psychotic people with great hair who want to cuddle with you but will not have bad breath or get creepy erections. Hot singles want to snuggle in your area!
Sorry, obviously snuggling is not available on Cuddlr. Only cuddling. Try Snugglr. (Don't try Snugglr. Please don't try Snugglr.)
Charlie Williams, the app's creator, apparently truly believes this app will be used for platonic cuddling, though he does warn, "We encourage first-time pairs to do their cuddling in a public place." Oh great. When that cuddling turns into something more, it will be in our nation's cafes and public parks.
(via)
Let's be real. This is a hook-up app. In fact, it's an extremely advanced one. Instead of finding people to have sex with and then working backwards to see if you have anything in common, like you do on Tinder, Cuddlr lets you start with the post-coital cuddle, work backwards to sex, then backwards to relationship.
In other words, we're doing great, fellow humans! Now if only there was an app to find someone to give us a pat on the back!
(by Shira Rachel Danan)
↧
Morning News show gets revenge on negative viewer feedback by including it in a new "promo."
This promo made possible by disgruntled viewers like you.
Despite his 7 Emmy wins (four for "Best Anchor"), Larry Potash and his WGN Morning News show still receive negative viewer feedback. While some professional news teams might dismiss petty grievances with a you-can't-please-everyone shrug, Potash has utilized them to their full potential by including them in his his latest WGN Morning News "promo."
They've displayed the hostile messages on the screen while Potash delivers an apology with anchor-level integrity, but the subtext is this, "Oh yeah, Anish Kapur? You think nobody watches WGN? Then how come we're the highest rated morning news show, biatch?!"
If you have your own helpful thoughts on WGN's Morning News show, go ahead and light up their viewer feedback line at 773-883-3161, and they'll tell you where you can stick your complaint.
(by Myka Fox)
↧
↧
This German Shepherd figured out how to spring his puppy friend from dog jail.
"Don't worry. I've come for you."
I've got to say, as far as prison escape movies go, this one is kind of a let down. It only takes Twitch the German Shepherd about half a minute to get his Maltese puppy friend Sophie out of her crate.
Don't get me wrong. This is really cute as far as a crazy-smart dog videos go, but it's awful from a narrative perspective. There needs to be way more conflict and at least a few roadblocks to build suspense. This is all over so fast, I barely get to know the characters. I mean, I assume that the human person in the beginning is the antagonist, but who's the hero? Is this Sophie's story, or is it Twitch's? I mean, this is salvageable; it just badly in need of some editing. And maybe some narration.
Maybe this descriptive copy from YouTube could be incorporated into a rewrite:
I recorded this to make sure that I wasn't forgetting to latch Sophie's kennel after I stuck her in it - I kept noticing her running around with our German Shepherd Twitch soon after I would stick her in it. Turns out, I was latching it, but Twitch just figured out how to not only open it, but also figured out it was easier if he took the towel off as well.
Okay, I think it's coming into focus now. Twitch is our protagonist. He's a veteran crate-cracker who wants to retire, but gets pulled in for one last job after his best friend Sophie is wrongly imprisoned when a mysterious pile of poop appears on the living room carpet.
Plot twist: It was the human!
(by Dennis DiClaudio)
↧
Pennsylvania State Senator comes out as gay in charmingly casual fashion during press conference.
"I'm gay, go Steelers, who gives a crap?"
The hate crime that occurred last week in Philadelphia was a terrible thing, but the story of Twitter users who discovered the perpetrators was one silver lining to come out of that episode. Now, there are two more. First, it's led Pennsylvania's state legislature to sponsor a hate crime bill to add sexual orientation to the existing hate crime law, and second, it paved the way for this awesome coming-out speech from State Senator Jim Ferlo of Pittsburgh, who drafted the bill.
"Hundreds of people know I'm gay. I just never made an official declaration. I never felt I had to wear a billboard on my forehead. But I'm gay. Get over it. I love it. It's a great life."
Obviously, a bill like this is still emotionally charged, and you could see the fiery passion that Representative Brian Sims had for the issue when he pounded the podium with his fist. But it's moments like Ferlo's that make us remember what this is all about — everyone's just people. Normal, funny people who deserve to have happiness. Yes, even Pennsylvanians.
(by Johnny McNulty)
↧
Just be.
↧
The NYC subway banned dogs who can't fit in "small bags." Turns out, that can fit a lot of dog.
"Stand clear of the closing jaw." (via)
Assuming that this dog does indeed have a body with four legs attached, its owner is making the absolute most of the loosely defined subway rule about only allowing dogs able to fit inside a small bag. "Small" is a subjective term. And the dog clearly fits, if a little snuggly. Getting a cab with a pit bull probably isn't an option. So, not only does this method save them both an incredibly long walk, it also makes it extremely unlikely that his bag will ever be stolen. I imagine getting a seat is a whole lot easier, as well.
Most importantly, it spares this guy from being hassled by the countless goofs and weirdos who ride the subway every day.
(by Jonathan Corbett)
↧
↧
Lottery
The lottery is the stock market for poor people.
↧
This burger is supposed to be made of people! It's supposed to be made of people!
This flesh burger is not to be eaten by fleshlight. (Via Metro)
This burger is not really made of people, but it is supposed to taste like it is, which is still plenty disgusting enough for me to kinda want to try it.
In honor of the fifth season of The Walking Dead, Messhead, a collaboration of two London chefs, has created a cannibal burger that they say estimate the taste of human flesh.
Miss Cakehead and Mess London chef James Thomlinson claim they've never eaten humans (prove it), so to mimic the taste of their seared brethren, they studied the descriptions of multiple cannibals. Then, like Frankenstein's monster, concocted a mix of pork, veal, chicken livers and bone marrow to best replicate the taste and texture.
"It all depends on the body part being consumed, and the method of cooking." (Via Metro)
In his book Jungle Ways, infamous cannibal and author William Seabrook described eating a piece of a human he pilfered from a med student saying, 'It was like good, fully developed veal: not young, but not yet beef. It was very definitely like that, and it was not like any other meat I had ever tasted. It was so nearly like good, fully developed veal that I think no person with a palate of ordinary, normal sensitiveness could distinguish it from veal."
So, if you consider yourself a normal person who has eaten veal, you might as well consider yourself a normal person who has tasted human, but just to make sure you get that flavor seared in your head, Metro UK reports you can taste yourself for yourself on "Tuesday, September 30th, from the Terminus Tavern pop-up in a secret location in East London (to be revealed via the #terminustavern hashtag on twitter)."
(by Myka Fox)
↧
This kid's advice for picking up chicks will put your game to shame.
Way to rub that cousin thing in, bro.
It's really not that hard to pick up a chick, guys. Soften her up by talking to her for a while, then ask her name. It's a rookie mistake to ask her name up top! Ease her into it. Okay, time to make sure she is not your cousin. If you need to excuse yourself and call your mom, don't be shy. It's better to find out now that mom has a brother she never talks to than on your wedding day to the chick.
Once you've confirmed you're not cousins, come back into the room all smiles. That's when you make your big move: ask her to go for a walk to the sandbar. Presumably, the "sandbar" is some sort of beach-side concession stand. Romantic. Very nice. Now this is key: DO NOT BUY HER ANYTHING. Just walk there.
When you've both had your fill of looking at the sandbar, walk her home and say "good night." You don't want to stay out too late because tomorrow you're going to have to do it all over again.
(by Shira Rachel Danan)
↧
Something new.
↧
↧
Pomeranian does a really bad job pretending not to gaze longingly at his owner's food.
"Don't mind me. Just staring blankly ahead, minding my own business."
Kooroo the Pomeranian totally sucks at pretending not to be obsessed with a juicy piece of watermelon he's been told he can't have. According to Kyle Chun, his sister's dog, "loves fruits. He usually begs for it but if we tell him NO, he will avoid eye contact with you but still wants some. This happened after I said NOOOOO." Guess you needed one more "O" on that "NOOOOO," Kyle.
(by Shira Rachel Danan)
↧
iCloud
iCloud is a cloud storage service that allows you and hackers to access your data from anywhere.
↧
Kale
Kale is lettuce with an M.F.A.
↧
Nice reminder
↧
↧
Chick-Fil-A
Chick-Fil-A is a family-owned restaurant famous for staying closed on Sundays and to any new ideas about the nuclear family.
↧
These stock photos of serene mothers and their smiling infants perfectly capture the reality of motherhood.
(via)
Sara Given is an Ohio mom who thought the idiotic way women and their babies are portrayed in stock photos was laughable. They're always smiling lovingly, eating healthy foods, and of course, wearing all white.
So, Given started collecting stock photos at It's Like They Know Us. Given posts images of pregnant and young moms and captions them with the blissful, joyful thoughts of the women. A woman with her baby and a laptop is captioned, "Working from home is a breeze because infants do not need constant care!" A co-sleeping couple and their infant are thinking, "We are all sleeping."
Given told HuffPo, "It's cathartic to poke fun at these pictures when we know what parenting really looks like." Very true. If someone took stock photos of my life, they would probably be tagged with the search terms "grime" and "barely keeping it together."
Check out some of our favorites from the Tumblr below and see more at It's Like They Know Us.
(via)
(via)
(via)
(via)
(via)
This one is my favorite. I may just be extremely sleep deprived, but I laughed so hard I spit up all over my onesie. Didn't bother to change.
(via)
(by Shira Rachel Danan)
↧
Deafening New Year's.
↧
More Pages to Explore .....
