Is this love that I'm feeling? (Via Lacey FD)

A house fire thought to be caused by a clothes dryer broke out in Lacey, Wash. last Friday. While the human family was thankfully out of the house when the fire broke out, there was a still a hamster family trapped inside.

Two adult and three baby hamsters were found caged inside the home. Next to the cage firefighters found a marriage certificate made out in crayon.

As Battalion Chief Tim Hulse told KTLA, "Apparently they were married… The family had made a marriage certificate for Oreo and Madonna. It was pretty cute.”

I mean, come on. You gotta save them. 

According to the LA Times, the firemen said "They'd never tried to save baby hamsters before, but they wanted to try it anyway because they could tell the family was very upset and they wanted to offer great customer service."

Pocket-sized guide for pocket-sized creatures. (Via Lacey FD)

They consulted a pet aid manual, and while they never worked on hamsters before, they did have a kit for cats and dogs. Hulse said they were "pretty good at improvising." The firemen pumped oxygen into two of the hamsters with regular tubes and two of the others were placed in a plastic bag that was pumped with oxygen. 

"Oreo", "Madonna" and the baby hamsters being treated with oxygen. LFD3 crews have animal rescue and aid equipment. pic.twitter.com/CFruyYH5PS

— Lacey Fire (@LaceyFireDist3) September 26, 2014

A little frazzled but fine. (Via Lacey FD)

Their efforts paid off, and they were able to rescue Oreo, Madonna, and two of the babies.

No word on whether the baby hamsters were in fact Oreo's or the product of immaculate conception between Madonna and a higher hamster power. 

(by Myka Fox)

Can't we all just get along with lasers?(via Trinacria Photography)

You may remember the saga of Draven Rodriguez, the 16-year-old Schenectady High School student petitioning to get his cat in his yearbook photo, from when we first reported his story earlier this month. Rodriguez wanted something different for his photo, something only he and his cat Mr. Bigglesworth could pull off. The administration, as administrations are wont to do, crushed his dreams in the spirit of conformity. 

But Rodriguez's petition went viral, including a shout out from Kesha, who took the position of "god this school needs to get over it." Eventually, the school had to bend, and they did, but in the lamest way possible. 

Here's the photo Draven originally wanted in the yearbook:

(via)

Instead,  he'll have a normal yearbook photo next to his name, but be given the honor of appearing in the photo at top with his principal Diane Wilkinson and her dog Vivienne on a different page. This is kind of like your mom saying, "Yes, you can go to that concert but only if I chaperone you." 

On the plus side, the photo will be used to help raise awareness of the work of the ASPCA, since both pets are rescue animals. Well done, Mr. Bigglesworth. You just keep staring at those lasers.

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

"In return for giving me sanctuary, I shall save this thing that is precious to you."

Otters are smart. Otters are cute. But did you know that they're apparently really solid little dudes? Starsky the otter is 9 years old, and he has lived in England's Cornish Seal Sanctuary since 2009 with his brother Hutch (awesome). One of his caretakers, Jenny Lewis, accidentally dropped her iPhone into Starsky's tank, it seemed like curtains for the trendy device. However, no sooner did it fall in than Starsky dove to the bottom of his personal pond and brought it back up, handing it back to Lewis.

BREAKFAST: #phonegate - catastrophic loss of phone Photo from Jenny from @sealsanctuary#Gweek Starsky the otter pic.twitter.com/CJuXH1W2KZ

— Cornwall's Pirate FM (@piratefm) September 26, 201

In case you're wondering if Starsky has any habits besides being cute and chivalrous, he does: being cute and juggling.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Uh-oh! SpaghettiOs. (Via Hall County Sheriff's Office)

Ashley Gabrielle Huff, 23, was arrested for possession of meth on July 2nd, after a police officer claimed that he found a spoon that "contained a residue" while he was searching a car in which she was a passenger. 

The officer claimed that the residue was meth, Huff swore it was SpaghettiOs.

Hall County assistant public defender Chris van Rossem told the Gainesville Times, "From what I understand, she was a passenger in a car and had a spoon on her, near her, and I guess the officer, for whatever reason, thought there was some residue."

Not that it is ideal to admit to eating SpaghettiOs in a car, but it certainly beats the alternative, which is spending a month in jail for possession of meth. Well, actually, she wasn't jailed directly for the possession, but she was unable to meet some of her court dates, and then when they arrested her for failure to appear, she was unable to make bond. So on August 2nd, she was sealed up like so many O's of spaghetti.  

She spent a month in Hall Country Jail, all the while maintaining her innocence. Prior to this confusion, she had never been charged with any type of felony or drug-related offense. 

Last Thursday, Huff's case was dismissed when crime lab analysis was finally able to confirm her defense. They found no evidence of controlled substances. Just spaghetti sauce. 

Whatever happened to the gumshoe method of taste-testing? I've seen a million cops shows rub a pinky full of cocaine on their gums to make sure they knew what they were looking at. Could no one have just licked the spoon? How about just a sniff? Nothing? Also, there must certainly have been a container housing those Os. Don't tell me all she had was a spoonful; that saucy snack is no peanut butter. 

The Times tried to get the original arrest report, but no such luck. 

My calls to Campbell's SpaghettiOs have not yet been returned. 

(by Myka Fox)

Sure, that kid sucks anyway. (Thinkstock)

Researchers in London have confirmed it's really, really easy to get people to agree to anything in a terms of service agreement as long as they get free wifi at the end of it.* A bunch of people signed away their rights to their firstborn children in order to get free wifi at a London hotspot.

The experiment was the project of a Finnish security company called F-Secure, and was supported by Europol, the European Union law enforcement agency. The company set up a wifi hotspot in different places in London and waited to see how users would interact with it. Hundreds connected in just thirty minutes, and users sent data that was easily mined by the researchers, including email passwords and the content of emails. 

CBS also reports that:

For a short period of time, the investigators also introduced a Terms and Conditions page that included a clause asking people to give up their firstborn child or a beloved pet in order to use the hotspot. Six users agreed to those terms before the page was disabled, which shows how little attention people tend to pay to those long and inscrutable pages of legal text.

So the next time you sign a Terms and Conditions page on a public wifi network, make sure you read all that fine print. 

Just kidding, obviously you're not going to do that. You've got emails to send!

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

*By continuing to read this article, you agree that Someecards.com has the right to your firstborn child, whom we will raise as our own, then use for coffee runs when he or she is old enough to walk. You also agree that if you have some chocolate, it's our chocolate, and we can come over and take it right out of your hands. Same goes for french fries, for the rest of your life. Amen.

I hope they kept the receipt for that Coonhound.

Most people will tell you that keeping a rescued raccoon as a pet is a bad idea. But if you're going to welcome one into your home, it's a good idea to have some backup in the form of a Coonhound. This one's name is Rock, and it's hard to tell if he's good at being a Coonhound or terrible at it. Technically, his job is just to track raccoons. Even if Rock doesn't have the heart to kill it, he should at least be able to beat him at wrestling.

Maybe his bloodline has been specifically bred to make friends with and occupy critters until the family decides if they're going to to skin it, or name him Ringo and fix him a bed. Either way, it seems to be working out, as Rock and Ringo clearly have a good thing going.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

"What seems to be the problem, officer?" (via Getty)

Michael Phelps is most comfortable in a liquid medium, so perhaps it is not surprising that he keeps getting DUIs. While most people think of him as a pot smoker, it's important to remember that he's also a swimmer, and prefers to be soaked whenever possible. That was certainly the case when he got pulled over early this morning when he blew about twice the legal limit into a breathalyzer in Baltimore, Maryland. The Olympic champ was initially pulled over for going 84 in a 45 and for crossing double lane lines, which was probably the first clue that Phelps was in the process of pickling himself. 

"I got this one for tequila." (via Getty)

Looks like someone was better off getting high and eating a bajillion calories a day. As TMZ pointed out, this is his second DUI, the first one coming a decade ago when he was 19 and resulting in probation. Maybe the next time he's going to get drunk, he should do what he does best and jump in a carpool.

(by Johnny McNulty)

If Michael Phelps wasn't persecuted so much for taking a bong rip maybe he wouldn't have turned to alcohol and driving drunk. #Maybe

1. 18-Time Gold-Medalist Michael Phelps Is Now A 2-Time DUI Arrestee

Olympic champion Michael Phelps was arrested once again for driving while intoxicated yesterday in Baltimore, Maryland. Knowing him, he won't be content with only two of these distinctions, so we can probably expect another dozen or so.

If Michael Phelps wasn't persecuted so much for taking a bong rip maybe he wouldn't have turned to alcohol and driving drunk. #Maybe

— Doug Benson (@DougBenson) September 30, 2014

2. Reclusive Author Thomas Pynchon Might Be In The New 'Inherent Vice' Trailer, But How Would You Know?

Word on the street is that Thomas Pynchon—the camera shy author who refuses to have his image dispersed in the media—may have broken his own rule and allowed himself to be filmed by Paul Thomas Anderson's cameras for the film adaptation of his novel Inherent Vice. Furthermore, his face might actually be included in this brand new trailer for the film. If so, he's probably the guy whom you don't recognize at all.

Ever wanted more white friends? Just walk up to any you see today and say, “Inherent Vice trailer.”

— Jensen Karp (@JensenClan88) September 30, 2014

3. NFL Penalizes Husain Abdullah For Praying To Non-Christian God 

Kansas City Chiefs safety Husain Abdullah received a 15-yard "unsportsmanlike conduct penalty" for taking two seconds after running an interception into the end zone to bow down and give thanks to Allah. He really only has himself to blame. Had he instead taken a knee and prayed to Tim Tebow's god of touchdowns, he'd have been in the clear.

(via SB Nation)

I'd like to thank Husain Abdullah for proving Muslims think God really cares about football as much as Christians think it.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) September 30, 2014

4. Nate Silver Cruelly Provides Democrats With Sliver Of Hope For Midterm Elections 

Poor, poor Democrats. Everybody knows that they're about to get their asses handed to them in the midterm elections. Even Democrats were starting to accept that sad reality. That is, until their statistician rock star Nate Silver popped up and let the world know that there is a minuscule, non-zero percent chance that the Dems might not perform quite so badly on Election Day as to lose control of the Senate. So, now they've got some hope in their hearts. And that's gonna turn to poison in about a month.

"Yes, I suppose it is somewhat about the bass, but there are several other factors to consider." - Democrats

— Sarah Thyre (@SarahThyre) September 19, 2014

5. Satan Does Not Want You To See Nicolas Cage's New Movie

Though you might not be able to tell from this secularized trailer for the upcoming Nicolas Cage movie Left Behind, it's actually based upon a best-selling, unabashedly Evangelical Christian novel, and was originally made on a significantly smaller budget in 2000 with Kirk Cameron in the main cast. Though you may not realize that, the Dark Lord Satan is well aware, which is probably why he agreed to lend this anti-blurb to the movie's promotional materials:

I don't like the idea that after the rapture I'll get stuck with Nicolas Cage.

— Anthony DeVito (@AnthonyDeVito) September 27, 2014

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Jeff Goldblum looks great in every light.

Add General Electric to the list of companies making ads in the vein of Dos Equis's "Most Interesting Man in the World" or Old Spice's "Man Your Man Could Smell Like." Only this time, instead of selling something inherently manly like cologne or beer (please comment if you don't think beer is inherently manly, you maniacs), GE is selling lightbulbs. And it's selling them with Jeff Goldblum, who is pitch-perfect as an aging ladies man with very fake hair. 

The ad is directed by Tim and Eric, which helps explain why it is surreal, mildly disturbing, and pretty funny. It also, frankly, made me want to get out there and buy some lightbulbs so my husband will turn into Jeff Goldblum. 

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

For the definition of insanity click here.

The armpit is the human body’s New Jersey.

Practicing to shoot himself in the foot. (Via Getty Images)

He says he is a champion for worker's rights, but he is far from living like those he supports. On Friday, September 26th, Rage Against the Machine guitarist Tom Morello tried to get preferential treatment at Seattle restaurant The 5 Point Cafe after performing at a benefit concert to help 15 Now, an organization dedicated to increasing the minimum wage to $15 and support worker's rights. When the doorman turned the guitarist away with the explantation that the restaurant was at capacity, Morello, man of the people, tried to push past those people patiently waiting in line. Morello demanded a "special room" for himself and his obnoxious friends, and when the doorman explained that he could not be accommodated, Morello threw a hissy fit. Then her took to Twitter with his tirade.

Five Point restaurant in Seattle is the WORST. Super rude & anti-worker. Shittiest doorman in the Northwest. Prick. Spread the word.

— Tom Morello (@tmorello) September 27, 2014

When one fan tried to appeal to Morello's common sense by saying what should have been obvious — there's no room at the inn — Morello defended his meltdown by claiming that the doorman's refusal to violate fire code and inability to stretch the fabric of space was pure rude prickishness.

“@stabulousness:They were at capacity &u wanted a private room.Think before you tweet rock star.” Complete BS Just a rude prick at the door

— Tom Morello (@tmorello) September 27, 2014

Chill dude. Didn't anyone ever tell him that less is Morello?

The owner responded to Morello's attacks on Twitter as well as the 5 Points Cafe Facebook Page:

For the record Tom Morello - The 5 Point is totally pro-worker. We try to pay more than any other small restaurant, and on top of the higher pay, we offer health insurance, paid sick days, paid time off, retirement and profit share. Sorry if you had an issue with our staff, but typically our staff is awesome, and when they are not, it's usually a reflection of the customer. Act like a prick = get treated like a prick.

I have to say, your attacking a small business without knowing anything about it, or addressing your problem with them directly before you go on a public rant, pretty much sucks. Just lost a ton of respect for you, and I've been a fan for years, both of your work in Rage and your work for workers rights since.

PS - rock stars don't get special treatment at The 5 Point. We couldn't give less of a shit. Sorry.

And PSS - I'm the owner of the 5 Point and have worked to raise the minimum wage in Seattle and support the same nationally, worked to get paid sick days law in Seattle, and am supporting a City sponsored retirement plan for employees of small businesses. I hope you do the same for your employees on the road...

PSSS - turns out he and his crew didn't get let in as the place was at capacity and there was a line. No one was being let in. According to our doorman who I totally trust, Tom and his crew were all totally rude. Quote from the door guys "I knew who he was, we had no room, his whole party was being rude. He wanted a special room in the back. Clearly had no ideas what it is like inside. I've told bigger rock stars than him no."

Boom. Looks like the owner of The 5 Point Cafe acquired a new property, because Morello just got owned.

(by Myka Fox)

Someone lock this person in a room and make them come up with 10 more ideas, stat.

"the pasta was great as was the service, however I expected the "endless" pasta to be fed to me in the form of one long noodle which lead from the kitchen. Possible next time? Thanks!"

Redditor Gashlycrumb_'s boyfriend or girlfriend (some sort of significant other, according to Gashlycrumb_) had some very fine advice for the people at the Italian chain restaurant Olive Garden. I, for one, would like to see this implemented, if only for the hope and promise of a future with unlimited possibilities it would bring to the American people, like the Apollo program did in the 1960s. Sure, some online are suspicious that this might be some sort of viral marketing scheme by the oft-mocked OG, but even in the (I think) unlikely event that it is, I don't care. I would like to call that bluff.

(by Johnny McNulty)

True fans stopped watching after season 4,220.

Did you catch the season premiere of The Simpsons this Sunday? If you did, then I'm not sure how you're sitting up, since the opening couch gag was brain-meltingly weird. You can only call this a "couch gag," if by "gag" you mean two-minute masterpiece that reveals our deepest fears for the future.

The cartoon opener for "Clown In The Dumps" was made by eclectic animator Don Hertzfeldt. It shows Homer traveling forward into the future to the sun-date Septembar 36.4, 10,535. Homer, Marge and the kids are all creepy amorphous versions of their former selves, and the clip is full of advertising and surreal statements like "All hail the dark lord of the twin moons." 

Since the show will probably still exist then, we'll have to wait and see if this is what The Simpsons season 8,547 actually looks like. If the word "looks" even means anything by then.

(by Shira Rachel Danan)